Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving Holiday complete with 27 hours spent stuffing yourselves watching a cornucopia of delicious football. Some random thoughts from the week that was...

"Dear Aggies...Um, T-Sip, we prefer Agro-Americans" - I just about had a heart attack Thursday night and it wasn't because I had extra helpings of Aunt Trudie's Jell-O mold and Yam Surprise. Unlike Sergio who "never had a doubt," I'm perfectly willing to admit the Ags gave me one of hell of scare on Thanksgiving. If the A&M kicker doesn't miss that chip shot, I probably would have flat lined.

As Mack would say, "give credit to A&M for playing hard (one night of the year anyway) and being consummate hosts for this in-state rivalry game (read: the white noise function on our iPods worked great, we slept well, and the fake name I gave the hotel, Ron Mexico, worked like a charm)."

That said, Aggie Apologists, I don't want to hear about moral victories or how you're going to Gig us two demerits next year or any mention of Aggie QB Jarrod Johnson being the second coming of Bucky Richardson or any complaints about network bias after the ESPN camera crew managed to find the one cadet who brought his sister to the game and zoomed in on them after every single A&M score...awkward!!!

Bottom line, you can't talk trash until after you've looked at your painted overalls and $6 haircuts in the mirror and asked yourself, "if we're capable of playing that well against a Top 5 Team and we're all about playing a winning brand of football (and not just trying to crash UT's party because they refuse to play tummy sticks with us), then why the hell did we go 6-6 in a season when the Big XII, top to bottom, was probably the weakest it's been since the inception of the conference?"

When you figure that out or can tell me what your defensive coordinator means by, "I tell you what, that Colt McCoy is slicker than crap through a jackrabbit that just got flattened by an 18-Wheeler," then you may get back to me.

More after the jump...

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UT vs. A&M Week? Must be time once again for that tradition unliked by any other...

"The Thanksgiving Song" (If Adam Sandler were a Longhorn)

Love to beat Aggies.

Love to beat A-a-a-gies!!!

Love to beat Aggies cause it's good
Love to beat Aggies like a good Horn should
'Cause they're Aggies....they whoop....how rude

Aggies lost five, lost big at OU,
Their offense stinks, so does the Wrecking Crew
Love to beat those Aggies from College Station
Freshmen report to Fish camp for indoctrination

Aggies like to stand all game long
Texas is favored by 21, Vegas can't be wrong
Aggie-faggie foo and Aggie-faggie fat
A&M once had an LB whose name is Dat

Thanksgiving is a special night
If you yell TEXAS, I'll yell FIGHT
that's RIGHT

Aggies' head coach Sherman hasn't been there long
Can't believe A&M Yell Leaders sang Ding Ding Dong
Watching the game, drinking a Bud
Can't believe Old Sarge looks like Elmer Fudd

Offense, Defense, Texas just can't lose
Some Aggie cheap shotted Colt and he got a bruise
Aggies on the run from dawn to early morn'
It'll never be over 'till Gabriel blows his horn

Beat those Aggies - put 'em 6 feet deep
Poor Aggies like to fornicate with their sheep
A&M's uniforms are maroon and white
Texas will go to the BCS if they win outright

Oh, Aggies in the corps are called the noble men of Kyle
But they're about as close to real soldiers as Gomer Pyle
Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble Gig'em
I don't like those Aggies and I hope we beat'em

Oh, Texas loves to beat Aggies on Thanksgiving

Texas - 41, Futile Farmers - 13

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

54b

Dear 54b,

It has come to our attention that you're a few hours short and not on track to complete all of your required commentaries this season. And we may have to suspend you. Also, have you per chance been at Deion Sanders' "crib" researching means for foregoing your amateur writing status. We deposed Mr. Sanders and he said he was teaching you how to play "Must Be The Money" on your electric kazoo?

Just tell us the truth. And remember, you don't lie to us, you lie to girls.

Every breath you take,
The NCAA

To the NCAA and the three of you who noticed, my deepest appreciation and sincerest apologies for the lack of ignorance spreading commentaries over the past month, also known as Colt's "Blue Flu Renaissance" period. If only I could blame my lack of "offensive" prose production on depleted electrolytes or a thumbnail that prevented me from typing the letter "b" on the keyborad. Unfortunately, my only excuse is life happening to me while I was busy making other plans to go to Pasadena on January 7.

Though, one helpful commenter did post this very plausible explanation: "Something suddenly came up after 54b found out Cat Osterman did ‘Kitty Porn' for ESPN The Magazine's Body Issue. (scroll down on the page)" I can neither confirm nor deny, but anything is better than asking Dez Bryant to explain where I wasn't, so let's just go with a non-denial denial like everybody else.

Not that you needed me to explain my unexcused absence or that an explanation is ever necessary when famous softball player decides to nude it up in a dugout (how apropos) with three of her teammates. But just in case demand accountability like I apparently don't and somehow missed it in the "Behind the Sticky Curtain" potpourri section of Bevo's Daily Roundup, Osterman had this to say about the risqué photo on her blog:

"Well, the ESPN The Magazine Body Issue came out. I know it shocked some people, but I am very happy with how it turned out. I believe it's ok to show off the body I have worked hard for. It was a tasteful piece..." (Oh yeah, that's what she said!)

Translation: "If I have to saddle up on a rolling cooler Godiva-style to get men to stop oppressing professional women's sports and start objectifying them, then so be it...and hey, it's not like I was photographed spread eagle choking up on a Easton or anything."

(Darkness...awkward silence...phone ringing off in the distance..."hello Peter, this is the FCC")

Okay, where was I again, oh yeah, being tasteful.

On to the commentary...

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Texas vs. Oklahoma State • Boone Pickens Stadium • Stillwater, OK • October 31, 2009

(Repost from the Travel Tips article in The Eyes of Texas Preview Guide along with some UPDATES)

Overview: With a generous donation from super booster T. Boone Pickens, Oklahoma State recently renovated their stadium making OSU a lot more attractive to potential big name recruits. That coupled with a new do-whatever-it-takes-to-win attitude instilled in the team by fiery Head Coach Mike Gundy has made Stillwater a much more imposing place to play. And with several key players returning for OSU this season, Cowboys players and fans alike will be chomping at the bit to avenge several heartbreaking losses to the Longhorns in recent years.

UPDATE: Most UT fans had this game circled well before the season started. A lot has happened since then to make this one of the most unpredictable seasons in Big XII history, but the TX/OSU game still looms large and at this point, looks to be the de facto Big XII Championship.  

Travel tips after the jump...

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"When Chekhov saw the long fall, he saw a football season bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winning ugly is just another step towards winning a National Championship. But being here among the over reactionary members of Burnt Orange Nation and basking in the warmth of their hearths, hearts, and collective anxiety, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and insane football season."

My heartfelt condolences to all Longhorns fans for our loss. Dropping a whole spot in the latest poll, from #2 to #3, has cast a pall over my fragile psyche and made me feel not good...I'm so cold. Please, hold me, but don't judge me.

Come on, you know you want it. You know you need it. How 'bout a big BON family group hug before we sit down to break bread and each other's balls at the never stable Sunday Supper table...

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More photos » by Victor Calzada - AP

The post-game posture of many highly-ranked teams this season. (AP Photo/Victor Calzada)

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Gather round the table BONer fam and let's talk college football...don't know if Sunday Supper will become a weekly staple, but there seems to be three or four big storylines that develop every fall Saturday and yesterday was no exception despite the dearth of what most would deem "big games."

Most of the topics I'll touch upon below have been mentioned to some extent in the comments on the various threads, but I figured it would be good to consolidate them for further discussion. So here we go...

"I thought you said you were packin' XII inches" - Attention Big XII conference apologists, get ready to be roasted by the punditry and the masses this week and probably for the rest of the season. Despite being depleted by injuries, OU was still technically ranked in the Top 10 going into this weekend, and their game last night against the Canes was probably the Big XII's last opportunity to earn some national respect between now and the post season.

Other than OSU's win over Georgia, the Big XII as a whole really hasn't had a signficant non-conference win. Folks might even start calling us the "Pac XII," as the conference will undoubtedly be chastised for the same reason the Pac 10 has been ridiculed in previous seasons - having one dominant team and a bunch of also-rans. Making matters worse, Texas, as the dominant team, hasn't had the opportunity to prove its prowess on the field after four wins over less than spectacular competition.

And now that we're entering conference play, any win over a fellow Big XII opponent will be met with additional skepticism voiced with the always irritating: "Yeah, but who have they beaten?"

All the Longhorns can do now is put their heads down and go about the business of winning every game. The toughest opponent now may be apathy considering Texas should be a heavy favorite going into just about every game for the remainder of the regular season. And given the inconsistent play that has marked the first month of the season, that's a huge concern considering the fact that every team is capable of playing much better than they have the previous week or weeks (hello UTEP).

More after the jump...

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So a couple of days ago I'm flipping channels and I noticed that my ESPN Classic channel on my DirecTV set-up wasn't working. It had gone off just like the Versus channel back in early September. When I clicked on it for more info, DirecTV prompted me to do a series of actions including resetting the system as if this was just a temporary glitch. So I complied and followed their instructions but still no ESPN Classic.

Finally I called them and went through the whole process again only to finally be transferred to a live person who told me that they'd simply stopped offering ESPN Classic on my package, but that I could have it back if I was willing to pay $11 more a month for their "Sports Package." 

WTF? On the Versus channel, they have a nice explanation about Comcast being greedy as the reason that channel is no longer offered. But on ESPN Classic, their only explanation is it might be a glitch. 

Well I've had it. I'm DONE with DirecTV...or maybe I'm not. My problem is I don't know where to go from here. Nobody in the pay TV game seems to be legit. 

So I'd like to hear from various members of this forum on what the best provider and package is for someone like me who's just looking to watch a bunch of college football. I'd love to hear the pros and cons on all three providers so I can make an honest, intelligent, fiscally sound decision on who to subscribe to and hopefully help other members on this forum as well. 

May not be the best place to have this conversation, but it's a bye-week so I figure we've got some time. 

Thank you in advance.

54b

Hope everyone enjoyed what turned out to be a very intoxicating college football weekend. Lot of bad juju going around last week on and off the field and I for one needed Saturday to arrive like I need another liver. In fact, I spent much of yesterday trying to stupor-size myself in an attempt to forget the hellacious work week that prevented me from posting a commentary.  

So please excuse my absense and accept in its place a collection of ramblings about Week 4 of the college football season, a week in which four teams (could have easily been five) in the Top 10 lost big games in rather extraordinary fashion.  

More after the jump...  

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Was it a lack of inspiration or preparation for the change in elevation that led to the Longhorns "breath-taking" first-half performance in an otherwise routine 41-10 thumping of the heavy underdog Cowboys last Saturday in Laramie? Nahhhhhhh. How could any team not be excited or prepared to play in what Cowboys' coach Dave Christensen hailed as "probably the biggest game that's ever been played in the state of Wyoming?"

Like anybody could know that.   

Despite the Horns 31-point road win against the band formally known as the Brown-Eyed Susans, many UT fans were quite concerned that the margin of victory was not nearly enough to impress the bevy of BCS influencers, especially the Harris poll voters who are known for their irregularity and hold fast to their fickleness like a bottle of street grade Geritol.

Of course it also doesn't help ease concerns about UT's championship chances much when the media, who have long since turned the news cycle into a 24/7 fire drill, pretty much adhere to a scorched earth policy at all times even if it means besmirching the very conference being featured in primetime and on Gameday less than a week later. "Oh, hey, college football fans, forget all that stuff we said and wrote about the Big XII being vastly overrated and tune into our "Epic Revenge Game of the Century" down in Austin this Saturday. Hyperbole Lives Here!"

God love the "World Wide Leader," they never exaggerate anything.  

Well like Mad Man Don Draper likes to say, "if you don't like what they're saying about you, change the conversation." If you don't want to talk about knocking up a waitress for only wearing the requisite 15 pieces of Louisville Cardinals flare, chastise the media for coming to your press conference when they could be circling Ted Kennedy's Compound like a bunch of vultures.   

Though if you really want to knock some Talking Heads, nothing diverts the media's attention quite like a conspiracy theory. And do I have a dozy for you. This one is hotter than a mike'd up California Congressman waxing explicit about riding bareback in the "Lobby." So stop tapping out an SOS about our SOS and languish in anguish no more my paranoid pals, your patsy pacifiers have arrived. You see, I secretly mike'd up the head referee before the Texas-Wyoming game to find out what's really going on here.

Here's a recording from the Officials dressing room right before kick-off in a little tabloid expose I like to call...

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Though today's slate doesn't exactly make you feel like the rope in gym class, I thought I'd share a few comments about the games of somewhat greater interest to Longhorns fans kicking off later today.

Line-up after the jump...

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