Anybody heard from Tim Duncan? Is he still alive?

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I admit, I'm not as big of an Eagles fan as I used to be. I barely have time to even watch their games and don't devote much time at all to their Monday-Saturday minutiae. I suppose a part of that has to do with living on the opposite coast, but a few years ago I was every bit the fanatic that all of you are, and I devoured the news, gossip and speculation 24/7, even from California. Then I got a job covering a real life NFL team (well, sorta) and well, things got much more difficult. I was so busy with my job it probably took me a month to read up about the Eagles draft.

So when my pal Tommy Lawlor posted one of those 53-man projection things a couple weeks back, my initial reaction was to not even debate it or even scrutinize it too closely. I simply didn't have the information to argue on behalf of anyone, and at a cursory glance it didn't seem like anybody I'd value was being left off.

I've had a couple days off of late though, and now I am reading these mock projections. They all have seem to have a certain thing in common, and it's bugging me. No Donald Lee on any of them. Not enough room. Only two tight ends and all that.

The hell?

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As I type this I would wager that most -- maybe as high as 90 percent -- want the Giants to call up the organization's top prospect, 1B Brandon Belt, and to greatly reduce Aubrey Huff's role, either to platoon status where Huff would start against lefties only, or to bench him completely and reduce him to pinch-hitter extraordinaire.

It certainly is difficult, perhaps even foolish at this point, to mount any kind of defense for Huff -- he has been a complete disaster this season. However, I think the issue of bringing Belt up and benching Huff is a complicated one, and I'll try my best to explain why after the jump.

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Life's funny.

I never, ever, thought, in a million years, that I'd be rooting for the Dallas Mavericks.

Then the 2011 playoffs happened. Our beloved Spurs got bounced in humiliating fashion to an 8-seed, in a series where almost everything that could go wrong, did. I was as depressed about it as I've ever been. But I'm still a sports geek in general and a basketball fan in particular. It was either stop watching or find another hero. And that's when Dirk Nowitzki turned into Beatrix Kiddo before our very eyes.

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The following is an allegory. Don't wish to offend anyone who is suffering/has suffered or has a loved one who is suffering/has suffered.

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So I was watching my beloved World Champion San Francisco Giants play on Sunday night, very much buoyed by the welcome change-of-pace that saw our Spurs win a game for once earlier that afternoon while also enjoying the refractory period after the Lakers surprising loss to Denver, I decided to tool around with ESPN.com's "AccuScore Playoff Predictor," because let's face it, Game 4 of the baseball season is too soon to pay rapt attention to every strike and ball-scratch.

I ran a 100 simulations based on the current standings and recorded the results, as you can see after the jump.

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Hmm. 1-3. Not the best start, but hardly time to panic considering that A) the Dodgers lineup looks weak and their bullpen is a smoldering tire fire, B) the Giants were clearly missing their RF, C) the starting 2011 starting rotation looks eerily similar to the 2010 starting rotation, D) Bochy was conducting some experiments with his bullpen and last but definitely most important, E) TGWTWS.

A closer look after the jump...

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As you all know, the Giants announced today that Brandon Belt made the team and Travis Ishikawa didn't.

In the grand scheme of things this doesn't bother me at all, and from a Giants fan perspective I won't complain about it for the simple fact that I resolved after the World Series last year that I wouldn't complain about anything Giants-related for a decade at least. As far as I'm concerned we're playing with house money and they could go 0-1,620 for the next decade and I won't lose any sleep at night.

Whether it's the right move from a baseball standpoint remains to be seen.

What is clear, at least to me, is that this feels like a mistake. It feels like the Giants did Ishikawa wrong, and I feel bad for him personally and am worried for the organization and its fanbase karmically. To me, the Ishikawa decision is a bad omen and the sign of a dangerous mentality.

I'll explain after the jump...

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Hey there, first time long time, but enough about my sex life. (Hey-O)

I have a genuine baseball question, and if you excuse my naivete, perhaps you fellas can answer it...

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. Many in Spurs Nation were wondering where Tiago Splitter was in the fourth quarter of the Memphis loss. With Zach  Randolph and Marc Gasol imposing their will inside, some figured it was a good time to get the rookie forward some on-the-job learning in a tough situation. I think that Budenholzer — and by extension, Popovich — did the right thing by keeping Splitter on the bench. Nothing could have been as damaging to Splitter’s fragile confidence than too much Z-Bo and Gasol down the stretch. It was a wise move as they prefer Gasol to learn to crawl rather  than running and tumbling against a difficult matchup....

Tim Griffin, in the usual rag blog.

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Game 32, @ Dallas: Spurs 99-93                (Record 28-4)           RAGE: +4

A couple days ago I had the unique pleasure torture of watching my beloved Eagles and the Spurs play at the same time. On a Tuesday. I was really hoping the Eagles would win and keep alive their chances of getting a two seed in the playoffs and thus a bye week during Wild Card weekend. While having a first round bye is the cat's meow for competitive reasons, mainly I wanted it so I wouldn't have to watch the Eagles play when I'm in Vegas the weekend after this.

Well the Eagles sucked a whole bunch of purple Minnesota Viking ass, losing at home to some quarterback named Joe Webb. Ugh. They're stuck as the three seed now, meaning they'll be playing on the opening week.

As you may know, Manoli and I have an annual tradition of making a pilgrimage to Sin City during Wild Card weekend, and this time we're bringing a couple of friends. And yes, because I'm a glutton for punishment, Roh will be prominently involved. He's going to be rooting against the Eagles the whole time, not betting against them mind you, -- because what kind of a silly concept is that, putting your money where your mouth is in Vegas? -- and he'll talk endless shit for the duration of the trip when the Packers pound the stuffing out of my guys as they surely will.

Does it matter that Roh's a Cowboys fan and that his team won't be participating in the postseason this year? Of course not. He just loves to antagonize me all costs. The guy roots for the two douchebaggiest teams in sports -- Dallas in football, the Yankees in baseball, otherwise known as the LeBron Special -- and really it's only a matter of time before he dumps his Knicks and converts to being a Heat fan, because he's got a total LeBroner for James.

I give him shit for liking the Cowboys and Yankees, like everyone gives shit to fans of those teams. It's Constitutional law. He doesn't care for that at all, so he likes to pretend the Eagles are just as hate-able, when really most football fans either don't care about them one way or the other or kinda like them. I mean look at the facts: we're one of the highest scoring offenses in the league with a ton of playmakers, we've got sharp uniforms, and we don't make any other fanbase jealous because we haven't won squat. Hating on the Eagles is like hating the Oklahoma City Thunder, it's just so random that it seems forced and contrived. 

He's gonna ruin my trip, and Manoli and the other friend will just be laughing and pointing as the two fat idiots are screaming at each other the whole weekend. I'm really looking forward to it.

Speaking of fat idiots, here's one of my favorite Family Guy clips.

  (via linkinpark61938)

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Game 31, Vs. Los Angeles Lakers: Spurs 97-82       (Record 27-4)           RAGE: +4

My sister and her dopey boyfriend were supposed to be home three days ago. They live in New York and as you've no doubt heard, the weather over there has been somewhat less than balmy of late. The blizzard they experienced over the weekend shut down the airports for a couple of days and canceled literally *thousands* of flights. They've been sleeping at the airport for the past two nights in the futile hope that somehow, someway, that as standby passengers they'll be granted passage on some plane out of town going anywhere and make it to California with a few connections. So far, no dice.

The sick thing is their LUGGAGE is already here. It was permitted to be on a plane last night even though they were not. Doesn't that strike anyone else as frightfully stupid? If I was a terrorist and there was a way to stow a bomb of some sort on the flight without having to be on it personally, isn't that the ultimate win-win scenario, unless you actually believe in that 72 virgin mumbo-jumbo?

And no, I'm not demeaning the Muslim religion. At least no more so than I demean any of the other ones. I'm just pointing out that mathematically and logistically, the concept of having 72 virgin females for every male in heaven makes no sense, unless you're counting all the still-born and miscarriage babies and immediately exporting them to paradise where they grow up to be beautiful, nubile Victoria's Secret-worthy 20-year-olds for all of eternity, ready and willing to be a harem for Muslim min who led a holy and faithful life. Because if that's what really happens, I'll totally convert.

For now, I remain skeptical.

Anyway, the airline business is totally fucked. The storm is over and thousands of people in New York and other eastern cities are stranded, desperately wanting to go home to loved ones for the holidays. Why aren't the airlines from San Francisco, Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas, and all the other hubs sending out extra planes 24 hours a day like shuttles to get all these people home? Why aren't they creating new flights? The last plane out of JFK last night was 8:15 p.m. for some reason. They should have them going all throughout the night until people can GET THE FUCK HOME.

I have to commend my sister for being able to put up with it, because I know I sure as hell couldn't have. The longest I've ever had to wait for a plane in an airport was four hours, and that was agonizing. I would've completely flipped out and lost my shit by the middle of the second day and threatened the whole airport with nuclear destruction. I'm almost positive I would've gotten arrested at some point. Mostly I would've made life wholly miserable for whoever was with me and whoever was in earshot.

And what a cruel tease those standby lists are. My sister told my mom a story where a couple a few places in line ahead of them won some bastard lottery for the last two seats on the plane, only the guy was in the bathroom. The lady with him desperately pleaded with the airline person to wait 30 seconds for him to come back, and was told, sorry, too bad, and another couple got the last seats. Just awful circumstances.

[POSTSCRIPT: Sis got on a 12:15 flight and was home by 7:30. By about 8:15 I was ready for her to go back to New York.]

Here's Wednesday's 80's video. Did you know in 1985 you could openly have gay slurs in your song lyrics and nobody said anything? Nowadays you have to listen to rap to hear the homosexual f-bomb. The 80's were filled with politically incorrect pop hits. The Nails' "88 Lines About 44 Women" has a lyric that goes, "Mary was a black girl and I was afraid of a girl like that." Casual racism, hooray!

  (via Ismind)

Anyone else think the skinny delivery guy looked like "Weird" Al Yankovic?

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Game 30, Vs. Washington: Spurs 94-80                 (Record 26-4)                    RAGE: +4

The 49ers lost today, meaning they got eliminated from playoff contention. Yay! That means I get to go to Vegas in two weeks. Ten days really. Crap, that means I have ten days to put the next issue of SFI together. So, um... expect more week old recaps in bunches, bitches. I'll be back in a regular schedule by my birthday.

Here's a video, in honor of Christmas...

   (via SarahSilvermanVEVO)

My girl Sarah, at her most adorable... mmm.

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These recaps gotta be fast, fast, fast, like me on I-5. You'll forgive me if they're not Picassos, but I gots to catch up.

Speaking of fast, here's how I spent my Sunday last week. I loves me some DeSean Jackson.

HD Video: DeSean Jackson's Punt Return Touchdown Beats New York Giants (via ballhyped)

What a sweet comeback. It even pissed Hitler off, which made me extra happy.

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I've fallen hopelessly behind and I'm "in the weeds" as they say. Now five games in arrears after watching the Spurs (*SPOILER ALERT*) beat Denver for the second time in a week. My sojourn in San Diego cost me time and money, and catching up has been difficult in m the extreme. All so I could watch a WRETCHED football game. Stupid. If I had to do it all over again, I would've stayed home.

Driving over there, I got stupid and suckered into a stupid dick-measuring contest with some other idiot in a red Mercedes. I was zooming through I-5 like Tony Parker on a crack binge and every time I passed this guy, I was feeling good about myself, but then 15 minutes later, out of nowhere he would come from behind me and pass me, pissing me off and forcing me to pass him again and put some distance between us until he was no longer visible in my rear view mirror.

This happened back-and-forth about a dozen times. Finally my luck ran out and a cop pulled both of us over. He said he clocked me at 102 mph. That's gonna be one spicy meatball of a ticket, probably in excess of a grand. My insurance, if I still have it, will go through the roof. Even worse, because it was over a 100, they'll probably make me go 350 miles out of my way to appear before a judge just to tell him I'm guilty, instead of simply doing it in a letter or over the phone. I asked the officer if he could just say I went 99 mph so I wouldn't have to make a court appearance, and he didn't find that amusing in the slightest. 

Between the traffic stop that took like a half hour, lunch at a crappy diner and two hours of horrid afternoon LA traffic, it took me like ten hours to get to San Diego. Ironically it took me only eight hours on the way home, even though I was going 80 mph the whole time. I made that drive from midnight to 8 a.m. Friday, worked, and crashed (relax, not literally) at my place at 5 p.m., sleeping for 16 hours.

Obviously I broke the law, but I disagree with the notion that I was driving recklessly. I had miles of visibility the whole time, I was scanning the road and constantly checking my mirrors and I never tailgated or cut off anyone. I always kept lots of following distance between me and the car in front. Basically I did everything the traffic school instructors harp on except I did it 32 mph faster than I was supposed to.

If it wasn't possible to drive safely at high speeds, you wouldn't have the sport of car racing. I'm not saying I'm a professional driver because I'm not by a long stretch, but I certainly feel at ease and comfortable driving 102 mph on a straight road and that's the honest truth.

You can drive dangerously and recklessly 20 mph if you don't know what you're doing, and I proved it on the drive back when I almost fell asleep on the road in a residential area at 4:30 in the afternoon. Being drunk or drowsy is dangerous. Going straight when you're alert, wide awake and on a straight road is not. I wish people got that.

Anyway, even though the trip got off to a horribly unfortunate and ultimately very expensive start, I still had fun catching up with a couple friends and ate some quality Mexican food in San Diego. And of course, since I was there, Manu went into God Mode to win a couple of games at the buzzer. He always plays really well when I'm over there.

2005? NBA Champs. 2007? NBA Champs. 2006? I was home in the Bay Area for most of the Mavs series and flying to San Diego during Game 7. By the time the plane landed, it was too late. Still haven't watched that game and never will. I graduated during the '07 Finals and haven't been back to San Diego except last July for Comic-Con. You're aware we haven't won since '07.  I'm giving serious thought to going back there during a late postseason run.

Our first game, against the Bucks, fell on video Wednesday, so here you go.

Love and Rockets - No new tale to tell (with lyrics) (via ZeelTube)

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Game 23, vs. Portland: Spurs 95-78     (Record 20-3)             RAGE: +3

As you know, I'm somewhat a connoisseur of awful commercials. The more senseless they are, the more I can't simply fast-forward through them on my DVR. This is the latest one to blow my mind. Watch it with me, won't you?

Just For Men Commercial (via jrstroud36)

Now let's deconstruct this puppy.

:02 "Hi, can I borrow some milk?"

OH MY GOD. HER HAIR IS YELLOW AND SHE IS NOT OBESE. I THOUGHT CREATURES LIKE THIS ONLY EXISTED IN MY FANTASIES.

:07 THERE'S NO MILK IN MY FRIDGE. I CANNOT FAIL THIS GODDESS.

Fact: Every bachelor's refrigerator in the history of television contains precisely one bottle of beer, one jar of mustard and one carton of Chinese food. You never see a six-pack of soda or salad dressing or leftovers from a rack of lamb. The only way they'll ever show a guy with a fully stocked fridge is if A) He's really fat, B) He's really gay (and boy will the food items in those two instances be different), or more likely C) He's married.

:10 BRAIN: SHOULD WE RISK DYING FOR THIS STRANGER WHO'S MARRIED FOR ALL WE KNOW? PENIS: FUCK YEAH WE SHOULD.

:15 DREAM WOMAN WON'T LIKE ME BECAUSE MY HAIR IS SLIGHTLY GRAY. SHE WON'T THINK I'M YOUTHFUL AND ENERGETIC EVEN THOUGH I CAN JUMP ONTO MOVING TRUCKS FROM THREE STORIES UP. I BETTER TRICK HER WITH HAIR PAINT.

At about this point in the commercial I admit it was getting somewhat difficult for me to suspend my disbelief. Okay, the guy jumps down without breaking his legs, fine. Am I supposed to expect that a slightly above-average looking woman will be patiently waiting in her hall for 15 minutes without questioning anything? She won't knock on the door again or just give up, thinking the guy blew her off? Really? How can she let him walk all over her like that? Is she coming off a bad, emotionally abusive relationship? Does she have daddy issues? Is she so poor and in need of milk that she's willing to just wait forever? I bet she has a lot of cats. I so wish she was real and lived near me.

:17 OH DER, THE MILK. HEH.

It's pretty much an industry-wide rule at this point that all white men in commercials have to be complete idiots whenever women are involved.

:18 I BETTER HURRY UP, PRETTY LADY IS GETTING SUSPICIOUS. SHE MADE A "WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?" FACE. SHE MUSN'T KNOW I'M DYEING MY NAUGHTY PLACE TOO.

Again, I'm having trouble turning my brain off here. The dude JUMPED down two flights. How did he get back UP into his apartment without going through the front door? Did he fly? If he had a fire escape, wouldn't he have simply used it to climb down instead of risking life and limb? And let's examine the time line here: At least five minutes at the store. Two minutes to "beam up" back to his apartment. A minute to start the shower. A minute to take off his clothes. Two minutes to prepare the hair dye glop. Two minutes to apply to head. Wait five minutes for it to seep in. Two minutes to rinse out. Two minutes to dry hair, body. Two minutes to dress. A minute to comb hair. By my count this process would take, minimum, 25 minutes. Surely even a woman with severe mental trauma would be suspicious by, I'm estimating, no later than 23 minutes. Nice try, Just For Men.

:22 MUST APPEAR CASUAL AND CONFIDENT AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED WHEN I GIVE LADY MILK.

:23 (Lady bites lip) HIS HAIR IS BROWN AND SHINY. I COMPLETELY FORGOT WHY I WAS WAITING HERE ALL THIS TIME, I'M SO OVERWHELMED BY HIS HANDSOMENESS. I MUST SHOW HIM HE JUST EARNED A ROUND-TRIP TICKET TO FUCKTOWN DEPARTING IMMEDIATELY IN A DEMURE, NON-SLUTTY WAY.

Commercials are so fucking stupid.

In a completely unrelated note, I bought Just For Men for the first time the other day. Stuff totally works.

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Game 22, Vs. Atlanta: Spurs 108-92           (Record 19-3)               RAGE: +3

Quickie recap I didn't have time to write between crazy fun Friday night and a Saturday spent Christmas shopping...

So I went to see Adam Carolla with Roh on Friday. Our tickets were for 8 p.m. at Cobb's comedy club (northeast SF). I told Roh I'd pick him up at six, so we could have dinner first, but it turned out I couldn't leave work in Santa Clara (San Jose-ish) until five. Friday rush hour traffic? Fun. I had to stop at home to change pants (because you want some slacks when you go a creepy gentleman's club, not jeans) so I told him to just meet me at Cobb's by seven.

Mind you Roh already lives in SF (west SF, but still, like six miles away). I got there at 7:20 and even texted him beforehand to put my order in at this restaurant for me so we'd have time to eat dinner quickly before the show. I get a text back.

"Not there yet."

No, Roh, who LIVES IN THE GOD DAMN CITY, gets there 15 minutes after me, even though he was supposed to be ready by six.

Why?

"I had to shave my beard to look good for the ladies and my electric razor broke."

Look good for the ladies? You look like a mountain of brontosaurus crap wearing a shirt. You think shaving your beard is going to make a difference?

"I had to shave off my Osama beard so they would allow me in the place."

Jesus Christ why did you grow one in the first place?

"It was my playoff beard. I always grow one for exam week."

At this point I was starting to lose my mind. Playoff beard? PLAYOFF BEARD? You are not a third line left wing for the Toronto Maple Leafs. You are just a dumbass law student in a law school that's ranked maybe one notch higher on the prestige scale than a junior college at Guatemala. You didn't grow a beard because your life is intense. You did it because you are fucking lazier than Stuart Scott's right eye.

But let's pretend for a nanosecond I'm buying your bullshit premise and that studying for some tests is on par with Rocky training to fight Ivan Drago. Your final exam was last Sunday. You had five days to shave it off.

"I was so tired after exams I just wanted to do nothing for a while."

Holy shit. How can anyone even have a comeback for that? I'm dealing with someone so pathologically opposed to movement of any kind that he considers shaving a laborious activity. I bet if his mom asks him why he isn't exercising more he tells her, "Hey, that fork isn't lifting itself lady."

Supposedly he's driving back to LA today, but he might just hire a limo driver instead because stepping on that gas pedal is almost as grueling as the Ironman triathlon.

We didn't have time for dinner.

STABSTABSTABSTABSTAB.

Anyway I watched the Spurs game last night, and they kept showing Hawks coach Larry Drew (it was the Atlanta broadcast, more on them in a minute) and I kept thinking to myself, "Who does that guy look like?"

And then I remembered.

InventHelp Commercial - Free Inventor Information (10 sec.) (via inventhelp)

Eerie, right?

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Game 21, Vs. Golden State: Spurs 111-94       (Record 18-3)        RAGE: +3

So around four months ago, I got into a fender bender. It was bumper to bumper traffic and for a second I took my eye off the road because I was eating a burger (of course). I was going around 5 mph and I realized too late the guy in front of me was going 0 mph. I slammed the brakes but still I bumped his fender.

We both pulled over, and I saw a tiny nothing scratch on his car, plus this plastic guard thing came loose. I attached it back no problem and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he can just forgive me and if we could just go our merry way, because it's just a tiny scratch.

Him: I would, but it's a new car, so I want it to look new.

Me: Well can we just take care of it if I give you a hundred bucks? I really don't want to get my insurance involved.

(true story, I actually got a letter from the DMV a few years ago that read "The State of California would appreciate it if you strongly considered not driving anymore. One more infraction and we will suspend your license. You're not suspended now, but it would be wise for you to consider other transportation options.")

Him: No, I don't think a hundred bucks will be enough. I have to take the car to a body shop.

Me: A body shop for a little scratch?

Him: Yes, I insist.

Me: Fine, let me tell you where to take it. My grandma knows a good body shop. She's been a client of theirs for 20 years and they'll give me a deal.

Him: No, I'd be much more comfortable with my body shop.

Me: Well your body shop will screw me.

Him: No, they will be fair.

Me: How much do you think they will charge?

Him: At least $500.

Me: $500? For a little scratch? That's insane! You are screwing me.

Him: If you like we can trade insurance information and I can file a claim.

Me: All right, all right, just send me the estimate.

So this bastard, who's been in the country like for eight minutes, sends me the estimate. $926, including one day of rental car fees for him to go to work while his car was in the shop for a scratch the size of a quarter. We arranged a payment schedule where I would send him a money order on the first of the month until it was paid off. Every email this prick sends me, he signs it, "Regards, Venkat Reddy."

"Here is the estimate, regards, Venkat Reddy."

"Here is my address, regards, Venkat Reddy."

"I have received your first payment, regards, Venkat Reddy."

So finally I made it to the last payment, and I got his email.

"I have received your final payment, regards, Venkat Reddy."

So I replied, "I hope you get anal warts. Regards, Michael Erler."

I don't think I was out of line.

**********************

On a happier note, I'm starting a new feature called "Video Wednesday." Whenever I do a hump-day recap, the Youtube clip will be a music video of a song I like. We're kicking it off with one my all-time favorites, "Forever Young," by Alphaville, a totally 80's vid by a totally 80's band. Check out the hair and the clothes on this poof.

Alphaville - Forever Young ~Official Video (via cappew22)

Fun facts about this video: The lead singer of Alphaville calls himself Marian Gold, but his given name was Hartwig Schierbaum, and he totally looks like a Hartwig Schierbaum, doesn't he. Also, the young blond boy in the video? Would you believe that was Owen Wilson?

Well if you would, you're gullible because it totally wasn't Owen Wilson.

Feel free to add your own videos in the comments, though if I hate the song, I will mock you.

Continue reading this post »

Game 20, Vs. New Orleans: Spurs 109-84              (Record: 17-3)         RAGE: +3

Sorry this is late. I've been working my fanny off to finish the latest issue of SFI all weekend because I procrastinate like a moron. I wrote like 9,000 words on Saturday, another 3,000 on Sunday (plus hours of final edits), went to my other job on Monday, wrote a Spurs column for another publication (as of now hush hush) and decided against writing the recap last night partly because I was exhausted and partly I read something once where the only way you improve as a writer is to write every day. If I had written yesterday, I'd have absolutely nothing to write today.

Nah, it was just laziness.

Anyway, Tuesday was supposed to be the day I hung out with the old man. It's not an activity I'm fond of. We've had an extremely rocky history that I won't bother elaborating on. So I called him in the morning and I got his voice mail. I left a message, "Hey, call me back."

He calls a half hour later and he's all mad at me. He says my voice mail was disrespectful.

Um, what?

Him: Hey, call me back, you don't talk to your dad like that, it's disrespectful.

Me: It's more respectful than messages I leave to most people.

Him: What, do you swear at most people?

Me: For friends, sure.

Him: Only bums talk that way. You were raised in a good family. You did not grow up in a black community.

Me: [Stunned silence, random blinking].

Him: Have you showered yet?

Me: No, it's my off day and I worked my ass off the last four days, I'm relaxing.

Him: Well you have to shower and shave and wear a nice shirt to see me. Call me after you shower.

And there's your daily peek into my dysfunction. That conversation was 12 hours ago.

I still haven't showered. It was a good day.

****

What else happened today? I saw this commercial for the billionth time.

1800 Tequila - Shot Top Commercial (via 1800tequilaofficial)

Surely I'm not the only one who notices the cut between him flipping the bottle upside down and him holding the cap with the booze in it. You notice they don't show him carefully unscrewing the cap with the tequila in it. You know why?

COS THAT OVERPRICED FIREWATER WOULD SPILL ALL OVER THE TABLE.

Such blatant false advertising. And that Sopranos guy thinks he's so cool. His character on the show was an illiterate junkie moron. Ugh.

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Game 19, Vs. Minnesota: Spurs 107-101    (Record 16-3)         RAGE: +3

Gonna try something new and just do a play-by-play diary. It's not very good, and too long, like all my other recaps. I gotta get back to work. Enjoy.

I... don't know what to do with this.

Gylne Tider - Let It Be (via MartyTE)

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Game 18, @ LA: Clippers 90-85           (Record 15-3)             RAGE: +3

2:53 a.m., ugh. I really mean it this time, I'm not gonna spend too much time on this one.

Frankly, I'm not all that upset we lost. If you are, I kinda question your intelligence. The guys were just flat out exhausted. Ran up and down too much the night before at Oakland. If the schedule was reversed and we played the Clippers first, we'd have beaten them -- actually more like slaughtered them -- and gone down the next night at Oakland. The only difference is then Stampler would've been sad, so I'm glad it worked out the way it did. I do have a couple of predictable concerns, but they're more off the court things than on, and we'll get to them after the jump.

First, we have more important business to discuss...

  (via 9ftofSmoke)

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Game 17, @ Oakland: Spurs 118, Warriors 98        (Record 15-2)          RAGE: +4

It's 3:32 a.m., so this won't be a long one. Yes, I was at the game, and yes it was very much awesome. Quite possibly my favorite game I've ever attended, as I'll explain.

But what's the memory I'll keep from tonight?

Easy.

Manu added Oakland to his list. And I couldn't be more delighted.

  (via WWECLMAN)

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I LOVE WOJO.

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Game 16, @ New Orleans: Spurs 109-95           (Record 14-2)        RAGE: +3

The Spurs seem to do a lot better when I don't watch them live. I was at a hockey game on Wednesday, they got down big, but then they won. I caught them live Friday and they lost. I was at a bar on Sunday watching the Eagles (grrr), they got down big and won again. It will be difficult to not watch them live on Tuesday seeing as I'm going to the game. I hope they don't give me some kind of complex like the Giants did. I didn't go to a Giants game the last four months of the season after they got shutout in three of the last four games I attended. As you're well aware, they did quite well without me at the park.

Anyway, I couldn't enjoy the win as much as I would like because of several reasons. I couldn't watch it live, the Eagles were pissing me off, and I have a thousand things to write between now and next Saturday. I'm kind of stressed and my neck hurts and my shoulder hurts and no matter what position I contort my body I'm in constant pain and I'm too lazy and cheap to try a chiropractor. I'm not sure it'll help. It might be a nerve/disc thing. It feels like it is, anyway.

Also, I found out Leslie Nielsen passed, and that made me sad. So today's vid is a tribute to Mr. Nielsen, the only guy who ever managed to make O.J. Simpson look like a sympathetic figure even after 1994.

"Airplane!" & "The Naked Gun" Tribute (via Drebin31)

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Game 15, Vs. Dallas: Mavericks 103-94       (Record 13-2)       RAGE: +2

Q: Pop, Did your team learn any lessons learned from the Minnesota game?

A: "Nope!"

Q: Tony, what happened to your commitment to passing?

A: "Commitment eez not a big strength of mine."

Q: Richard, what's today's date?

A: "November 26th."

Q: What year?

A: "2009."

Carry on then.

If only we had as much fight as these pussies.

  (via SilverStar830)

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Game 14, @ Minnesota: Spurs 113-109 (OT)        (Record 13-1)          RAGE: +3

This will give you insight into my life. I didn't watch the Spurs game live because I went to a Sharks-Blackhawks game with Manoli. The Spurs started at 5 p.m. where I live and the hockey game wasn't until 7:30, meaning literally the whole time on the car ride to the game, during dinner beforehand and sitting in the arena for 40 minutes waiting for the opening face-off, I was eschewing polite conversation so I could stare at my terrible, useless, almost completely non-functional BlackBerry to get score updates on the game. Obviously for much of it, I was in a sour mood.

"HOW ARE WE DOWN 21 TO THE T-WOLVES? HOW ARE WE GETTING OUR ASSES KICKED BY DARKO MILICIC? JESUS, DOES K-LOVE HAVE A 100-100 IN THIS GAME?"

I was basically being a whiny girl, and Manoli, a front-running Lakers fan (he gave up on the Warriors three years ago), was making fun of me.

Then the fourth quarter started and little by little the Spurs were making their comeback. My phone kept not working, and I kept having to turn it off and on for it to update. And that was just to get score updates. Meanwhile Manoli has this fancy I-Phone that not only was working perfectly, but even had a graphic of the court, showing where guys were making and missing their shots.

"HOW CAN YOU GET A 21-FOOT JUMP SHOT BLOCKED YOU FRENCH BASTARD?"

The Spurs made it a one possession game a few times and I was going insane like I was actually watching the game, imploring the team to get a stop on my phone. I was cursing them for getting so close, 95-94, only to tease me and let me down 100-94 with under two minutes to go. Gah!

Then RJ goes to the line, but just gets one. 100-95. A stop, Manu misses a three, Jefferson hits one and it's 100-98. "GET AN EFFING STOP!"

NO. 102-98. Two freebies for Manu. 102-100. "GET ONE EFFING STOP DAMMIT!"

NO. 104-100. Manoli tells me Manu fouled Darko too, so it's going to be an and-1. NOOOOOO!  Wait a minute, dummy, you misread that thing. Manu got a layup and HE got fouled. 104-103. "ONE EFFING STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD."

NO. 106-103. We see a graphic saying Neal is at the line and at first it said he only had two shots, and we're thinking, "Hmm, I guess that was smart for Minny to foul intentionally."  

Then the thing refreshes and we see that not only did Neal have three free throws, but he made 'em all. HOLY COW TIE GAME.

By now the national anthem of our game was being sung and Manoli was openly imploring me to put the cell phone away. I didn't care. I wanted to make sure the game got into OT. IT DID! Finally, a stop!

Obviously, most of the first period was a blur, and I think a did a fist pump when I saw Rocket give them a lead with a three. Then another fist pump for Manu's steal. Dammit, he got blocked, seven seconds to go. "NO THREES DAMMIT!"

I yelled out loud when the words, "Manu Ginobili blocks Kevin Love's 25-foot three point shot, Antonio McDyess rebound." I was going kinda crazy.

The buzz didn't wear off until the first intermission and the whole time I was watching the hockey game, all I was thinking about was how great it will be to watch the Spurs when I got home.

Manoli, kept making fun of me, saying it's only Minnesota, but I didn't care. He says the Blackhawks and Sharks are BOTH his favorite teams and he was like my nine-year-old cousin Samantha, rooting for whoever was leading. Sharks won 5-2. It was a decent game, but one marred by the fact that neither team has a big-nosed Argentine on its roster. Just a bunch of random Finns and Swedes. Meh.

God, that game was so stressful, and I was only keeping up by words on a screen. I can only imagine what watching it live was like. It's nuts to be so emotionally invested on November 24, right? How we can keep this up for seven months? This is gonna be a crazy year.

Speaking of crazy, here's a short vid of Manu being Manu. I'm aware there are people out there who don't think of Gino as their favorite player ever. And those people are stupid and ugly and wrong.

El Mirón: Manu Ginobili (via Chasky33)

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Game 13, Vs. Orlando: Spurs 106-97     (Record 12-1)           RAGE: +3

We've just dialed it to 11, amigos. How long is this thing gonna go? We'll discuss that in a minute. A couple things first.

I saw this website where it ranks NBA players based on their basic stats (points, rebounds, assists, etc) and assigns each stat a physical characteristic on an alien-like body. Head size represents shots taken, with the width representing field goal percentage. The narrower the head, the worse you shoot. Leg length represents total rebounds. Arm length is blocks. Hand size is steals. Eye size is assists and eye width is assist to turnover ratio, with narrowness being good and width being bad. Dwight Howard's eyes stretch literally wider than his head. Mouth size represents technicals, so Pops Mensah-Bonsu had a mouth bigger than his entire body.

It seems silly at first, but eventually you start to get it and it becomes kind of addictive. I'm just glad other body parts weren't involved, because I'd hate to think what they would use to rank injuries when it came to Greg Oden's alien avatar.

And what physical characteristic would you use to measure clutch scoring? You see where I'm going with this, right? Anyway, it begins here, so go nuts with this thing.

Also, I was messing around on basketball-reference.com. Did you know Manu's 14th among active players in career PER and 32nd all time? Well he is. And the Spurs have the second, eighth and ninth players all time in Win Shares per minute.

Before the jump, since the three pointer is such a big part of our offense now and played a major role in the win, I thought why not remember one of the most famous three pointers in Spurs history?

  Let's see Dwight Howard do that. (via DIEWITODJproductions)

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It's incredibly late and I have plenty of work to do tomorrow. I will say Mr. Gibson wasn't the only Boobie I saw tonight and that I'm positive Tony isn't my favorite French person on Earth.

Here's Lionel Messi destroying Arsenal in the Champions League, with bonus Turkish commentary!

Messi Show (via impossible41)

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Game 11, @ Utah: Spurs 94-82    (Record 10-1)          RAGE: +3

Before we get into the kooky awesomeness of tonight's game, I thought I'd share something spooky I found on Youtube. It was during a Spurs season opening pep rally for the fans a couple years back, where they shot some video skits. I think this was the same year Manu dressed up as Eva Peron and sang "Don't Cry For Me Argentina," but apparently no video of that exists. 

This exists though...

  (via videobuzzfr)

Now of course you recognize most of the particulars. It stars Tony and Eva, with cameos by the JV, Findog and Blotch. But there is another person of interest here. The leggy, hot brunette in the shades who looks all bitter and jealous? You get one guess at who that is.

It's gonna be a weird year.

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