ESPN.com baseball writer David Schoenfield previewed the NL Central earlier this week ranking every team by position using the scientific Schoenfield method:

Rankings are based on my own subjective predictions for 2012 performance, including offense, defensive ability, durability and risk.

So if you disagree with him, that's just -- like -- your opinion, man. Anyhoo, he ranks all the positions one through six and then adds the points up and the team with the most points wins. Or something. It's really absurd and a terrible way to try to predict a division. That is not the worst of it, though.

Intangibles
1. Brewers
2. Reds
3. Pirates
4. Cardinals
5. Cubs
6. Astros

This is the worst of it.

He somehow ranked teams by intangibles, which by definition are unable to be grasped, thus are not able to be judged against other intangible things.

OR SO YOU THOUGHT.

Today we go inside the mind of Schoenfield and into the locker rooms of the NL Central to find out just what in the devil is going on here.

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Well basically, I just copied the dome we have now. Then, I added some fins to lower the wind resistance. And these racing stripes here I feel are pretty sharp.

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Person who writes about baseball for a living Jon Heyman sent out the following tweet this afternoon:

#reds and #rays are in on ryan theriot, a versatile infielder with a excellent bat. #astros also have some interest

We assume he's not being ironic here, or else he would have read:

#reds and #rays are in on ryan theriot, a "versatile" infielder with a excellent (I'm making a jerk off motion with my hand here) bat. #astros also have some interest

As a recent victim of Theriot Fever, we feel as if we are in great position to break down how wrong Heyman's tweet is:

1. "Versatile Infielder": Yes, versatile. He can be both one of the worst fielding shortstops in baseball or one of the poutiest, below average second baseman in baseball.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

The Cardinals led the division until July 27, four days before the Furcal acquisition. Speaking only about his own role, Theriot noted, "When I was playing shortstop we were in first place. I know that. It is what it is."

Given the chance he could probably be a really bad third or first baseman, too.

2."Excellent Bat": Ryan Theriot has a career OPS+ of 83. He had one excellent year of getting on base in 2008, but even with his .387 OBP that year he still only slugged .359 to finish with a below average OPS+ of 92. That is hard to do. His career slash lines are ..282/.344/.353, but he's had a .321 OBP the last two seasons.

My real issue here is Heyman's use of "excellent." Even if you see good traits in Theriot's offensive performance, in what universe would it qualify as "excellent?" This is an egregious misuse of an adjective. Baseball players everywhere who are actually excellent should be offended.

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Dan Caesar draws a lot of water in this town.

If you are somehow incapable of using Google to look up the ratings for a sports radio station (why you'd want this info, we have no clue), Caesar is there to provide it. Want to know which retread radio host is jumping time slots or -- the big scoops -- stations? The Big Ceese is the man you need.

In hopes to get in good with The Kingmaker himself, SBNation Saint Louis went through his work in 2011. The following is a recap:

January: Rams TV ratings through the years! The stunning scoop that bowling was returning to ABC! (We assume this was a scoop, we don't know why anyone else would report on this.) And the big one: More Ricky Horton on FSN.

February: Super Bowl ratings! A couple paragraphs about how Albert Pujols hitting free agency could be a big deal (he called it!).

March: A bizzare story about Colin Firth and some former KMOV sportscaster. Someone named Bob Stelton left 101.1 (I honestly don't remember who this person is). Jack Clark is on KTRS now!

April: Joe Buck is having throat issues. Sports Talk Radio, By The Numbers.

May: Kentucky Derby ratings! A sports talk radio exec leaves town! Kevin Slaton and Randy Karraker appear together on Sports Plus, but it's pretty tame.

June: A piece on Frank Cusumano. An interview with 101.1's new program director.

July: Tim McCarver played in a hot All Star Game. Joe Buck continues to have throat issues. Comparing Baseball, Soccer Ratings.

August: Kurt Warner will be on TV. Jim Hannifan's role diminished. Saint Louis Sports Talk Radio Ratings!

September: The Dan McLaughlin damn bursts.

October: All Playoff ratings, all the time.

November: Praises for Chris Duncan (FORESHADOWING). The big McLaughlin expose.

December: Dan Dierdorf calls a Rams game!

That's quite the impressive year! Why the specific job of reporting on Saint Louis sports media exists, we do not know. But hot damn does The Ceese excel at it! 2012 already got off to a big start with Casear breaking the news that Duncan and Bob Ramsey were switching shows on 101.1, as well as the news that 101 had dropped longtime boring person Cliff Saunders.

What will the rest of 2012 bring for Saint Louis sports media? We're willing to bet a bunch of people change roles, no new blood is given a chance (and if the are, they'll be terrible), and at the end of the year it will still be the same group of bozo's trying to sell people on diet pills, dating websites, and terrible barbecue. But nobody knows for sure.

And only The Ceese will be there to break the stories... behind the stories.

Per D. Goold.

All-Star outfielder Carlos Beltran finalized a two-year deal with the Cardinals on Thursday evening, a source familiar with the negotiations confirmed to The Post-Dispatch.

The switch-hitting outfielder brings some desired depth to the Cardinals outfield while also restoring some sock to the middle of the lineup that will be without three-time MVP Albert Pujols. Beltran, who will turn 35 in April, was one of the leading hitters in the National League in 2011 with a top-10 on-base percentage and a slugging percentage of .525, which ranked eighth among NL outfielders.

The Cardinals and Beltan’s agent, Dan Lozano, were able to finalize a deal Thursday evening. Beltran missed significant playing time in 2009 and 2010 as he recovered from knee surgeries, and the Cardinals wanted to understand more about his health before completing the deal. The Cardinals intensified their pursuit of the switch-hitter this week.

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In December of 2005, the Cardinals were coming off of back to back National League Central Championships and trips to the NLCS. They had the heart of the rotation in Chris Carpenter, Mark Mulder, Jeff Suppan, and Jason Marquis returning, as well as the MV3 of Albert Pujols, Jim Edmonds, and Scott Rolen, and other cromulent starters such as David Eckstein and Yadier Molina. The only real loss from the 2005 club was sometimes right fielder and all around awesome guy Larry Walker.

The Cardinals were well positioned to win a third consecutive division crown, all it would take was a few tweaks by their General Manager Walt Jocketty. Jocketty went on a player acquisition frenzy during the Holidays of 2005 in order to finally win an elusive tenth World Championship.

His first move came on the dawn of the Thanksgiving, when Scott Spiezio signed as a free agent. Spiezio would go on to play two seasons for the Cardinals, quickly becoming a fan favorite with his red soul patch, timely pinch hits, and frequent leaves of absence to deal with substance abuse issues. The super sub would be released in Febuary of 2008 as his life (and car) quickly spun out of control.

On December 8th, Jocketty traded away Ray King for Larry Bigbie and Aaron Miles. Ray King was an overweight black man, presumed to be jolly, who (after pitching 1/3 of an inning) enjoyed chasing tail into the wee hours of the morning with his pal J-Rod. He was basically a Tyler Perry character if Tyler Perry ever did a TV show featuring a baseball player. (Which he probably has. That guy has a lot of TV shows.)

Larry Bigbie batted .240 in 28 plate appearances for the Cardinals before his intestines fell out of his belly button. It was later learned that Bigbie was a steroid user, making him the second worst Cardinals steroid user of all time, behind Cody McKay.

Aaron Miles started 71 games at second base and 33 (!!!) at short stop for the 2006 Cardinals. He hit .263/.324/.347 for an OPS+ of 74. He frustratingly played three years for the Cardinals, all of them terrible, before signing with the Cubs, being even more awful for them, being traded to the A's, and then the Reds, before finally being cut because of his incompetence as a baseball player. He then signed again with the Cardinals and I contemplated suicide. Last year he played for the Dodgers. He was horrendous.

Next, Jocketty signed starting pitcher Sidney Ponson. Nicknamed "The Fat, Sweaty Whale", Ponson surprisingly had endurance issues, often somehow pitching negative innings in a game. After eating the entire buffet in the Champions Club during a game he was pitching, the Cardinals released him on July 7th.

On December 23rd, Juan Encarnacion was signed to a three year contract. Although he had been an average player in the past, Jocketty trumpeted him as a cornerstone player for the franchise. When Encarnacion went on to put up numbers totally in line with his previous seasons, the fans turned on him. Also, he looked lazy, like a Dominican Colby Rasmus. That didn't help either. Though he was prone to time travel, which endeared him to at least one man.

On August 31st, 2007, Encarnacion's career ended in a most horrific manner. While standing in the on deck circle, he was hit directly in the eye by a foul ball. The foul ball was hit, of course, by that son of a bitch Aaron Miles.

With these incredibly awful roster moves Christmas of 2005, the Cardinals somehow went on to win the World Series in 2006.

If you had not heard, Albert Pujols is no longer a Saint Louis Cardinal after signing a ten year deal worth north of $250 million. If this is the first you have heard of this, I hope you enjoyed your trip to the moon last week. Details into Pujols' negotiations with the Cardinals and Angels continue to pour in, including this little nuggt in Sunday's Saint Louis Post-Dispatch:

Pujols wept after hearing the team's initial offer to retain him for five years

The Cardinals offered Albert Pujols $26M a year to play baseball. And he cried. Not for joy, either.

This news was met with much ridicule in Saint Louis as Internet person @spants took of the pillowy gloves of motherhood, sharpened her Internet wit, and created the twitter hashtag #PujolsCriesWhen.

Highlights after the jump.

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March 21, 2001: Before he has even played his first Major League Baseball game, the Saint Louis Cardinals have offered young rookie slugger Albert Pujols a ridiculous 21 year contract worth more than 324 million dollars.

Amazingly, he will be worth this amount in his first eleven season alone (per fangraphs), meaning his last ten years, he'll be playing for free!

This is not taking into account the amount of revenue Pujols will generate for the franchise in merchandise sales, boosted attendance, etc.

If anything, it's like he's paying the Cardinals to play for them!

(This is the first of many attempts to justify the Cardinals offering a 32 year old a ten year contract. Others include: We'll All Be Dead By Then Anyway, He's Pujols!, Money Isn't Real George, and Imma Gonna Rob His Ass.)

A top SB Nation Saint Louis source in Dallas is reporting that contract offers have been made from multiple Major League Baseball teams to Albert Pujols, including a ten year offer from the Miami Marlins and and nine year offer from the Cardinals.

But the source also advises that the situation at the Winter Meetings is fluid. "It's still developing at this point," said one source, "anything could change at any point in time."

"So you don't know what's going on?" We pressed.

"No."

"Then why are you reporting it?"

"I'm reporting that we don't know, but that can always change. There's a difference, you see!"

"Is there?"

"No."

"This whole thing is just an elaborate ruse to get comped for room service during a random week in December, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Well, keep us abreast!"

"Will do! Just remember: Fluid situation. Developing. Intrigue. Details at midnight!"

"Thanks, source."

FOX is broadcasting three National Football League (said in Tony Softli voice) games at 12:00 CST this Sunday:

There's the young Cam Newton led Carolina Panthers against the downtrodden (but favored by three!) Tampa Bay Buccaneers. That's your classic Red Zone only watching game right there.

Then there's Atlanta against Houston, that's an 8-3 teams against a 7-4 team, with the Falcons being a road favorite (2 1/2 points) and the Texans hoping TJ Yates doesn't become their next Spinal Tap drummer-esque victim at QB. Pretty darn compelling.

Finally, there's Tim Tebow and the Saint Louis University Occasional Forward Pass Throwing Fightin' Jesuits Denver Broncos going up against Christian Ponder and the Minnesota Vikings.

So which game will Saint Louis be watching on FOX?

Let's go to the big map!

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He's Albert [BEEP]ing Pujols. Pay the freaking mang.

We are all familiar with the story by now: with the final pick of the twelfth round in the 1999 MLB amateur draft, the Atlanta Braves took a flier on a lightly scouted, bad bodied JuCo player from the Kansas City area, and landed one of the greatest players in Major League Baseball history: Jose Alberto Pujols.

Albert Pujols spent one year in the minors at Macon before breaking big league camp with the Braves in 2001, winning the National League Rookie of the Year award. In his eleven years in a Braves uniform, he hit.328/.420/.617 w/ 445 HRs, winning three Most Valuable Player awards, and leading the Braves to two World Championships.

Now, he's a free agent, and the Saint Louis Cardinals have reportedly offered him a nine year contract worth somewhere north of two hundred million dollars.

With all due respect to one of the greatest hitters of all time, is Cardinals general manager John Mozeliak insane?

The Cardinals already have a perfectly good first baseman in Lance Berkman (Berkman put up a 5.2 bWAR season in 2011 compared to Pujols' 5.4 bWAR) who is a fantastic placeholder while young slugger Matt Adams gets plenty of dry rub seasoning in AAA Memphis during the 2012 campaign. And it's not like you can just throw Berkman back into the outfield (a position he hasn't played since 2007) since the team is already set with Matt Holliday and Allen Craig at the corners.

I suppose you could move Pujols to third (if his old, rickety arm can hold up) and put never-been-a-Worlds-Series-hero David Freese on the bench, but unless Pujols is able to move to second base, short stop, or center field he just does not have a spot on the 2012 Saint Louis Cardinals.

This is ignoring the fact that, roster matrix be damned, giving a nine year contract to a "32 year old" player (wink, wink) is insanity in it's own right. It's a potentially crippling contract for the franchise and John Mozeliak needs to pull the offer before long time Atlanta Brave and never a Saint Louis Cardinal Albert Pujols and his agent Dan Lozano jump on it.

Besides, the Cardinals will need all the cash possible to re-sign five time Cy Young Award winner Rick Ankiel next off season.

As Rams head coach Steve Spagnuolo's reign of terror quickly comes to an end in the city of Saint Louis, we would like to take a moment to look inside the game and find out what in the hell kind of play calling is going on the offensive side of the ball. Let's examine the possession from Sundays loss to the Arizona Cardinals that started with 10:32 left in the first half.

The first two plays, both runs behind the left tackle netted eleven yards and something rare and mysterious called a "first down." With first and ten, Sam Bradford threw an incomplete pass to Brandon Lloyd, followed up by a false start penalty, because it's exceedingly difficult to not false start when you're at home (or something).

This brings us to second down, fifteen yards to go. Most coaches would want to try to throw the ball down field to set up a manageable third down. Not ol' Spags, though, nope, no sir.

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Going by Quaterback Rating, yesterday's loss to the Arizona Cardinals was Sam Bradford's best performance of the 2011 NFL season. His 85.8 QB Rating is the first time he has been north of the 80.0 marking and raised his season QBR to 75.0. For comparisons sake, the best worst QB in football (Tim Tebow) has an 81.1 QBR on the year and Aaron Rodger's worst game of the season was 111.4. Bradford also tied his season high for most touchdowns in a game.

With one. One touchdown.

Reasons behind Bradford's unproductiveness are a myriad (new offensive coordinator, no QB coach, terrible play calling, an incredibly bad offensive line, a wide receiving corps that doesn't enjoy catching footballs, too many walks in his odd and completely realistic neighborhood where everyone loves Charter Communications during the offseason, the fact that he wasn't exactly great last season -- just remarkably better than Marc Bulger) but the important thing to remember is that a guy who throws a football like Dan Quisenberry is a better QB than Bradford at the moment.

Yes, Bradford is still better looking than Tebow, but all of this losing is really cutting into his once lead leaguing Dreaminess Over Replacement QB.

As is now a rite of passage for being a celebrity sports figure in the state of Missouri, University of Missouri head football coach Gary Pinkel was arrested last night for Driving While Intoxicated by the Boone County sheriff's department. He was pulled over for lane and signal violations on Keene Street around 10 p.m and was said to be cooperative.

It's unfortunate timing for Pinkel, if this incident were to occur next year when the Tigers will be in the SEC, the arresting officer would have just given him a ride home, as is tradition in the south (unless the Sheriff also carries a 2 X 4 around for unknown reasons).

The good news for Pinkel is that if post-DWI career patterns hold for local sports heroes, he will now go on to hit a home run to win game six of the World Series, appear on Leno, and might have relations with Erin Andrews.

Mike Matheny lives in the Saint Louis area, not in California like some fruity space hippy. The sixties are over, deadbeats!

Mike Matheny has a haircut you could set your watch to.

Mike Matheny wouldn't hit his pitcher eighth, like a freaking moron. I assume.

Mike Matheny doesn't have a DUI, unlike some drunk idiot. But if he did, we'd understand. It would just show that he is human and everyone makes mistakes.

Mike Matheny would never piss off Ozzie Smith.

Mike Matheny eats meat. He actually shoots some of the meat he eats himself. I've never trusted vegetarians. Hitler was a vegetarian. True story. My brother-in-law heard it on the radio.

In conclusion, Mike Matheny reminds me of a young Whitey Herzog. I approve of this hire.

In an underground lair, deep beneath Busch Stadium, Cardinals General Manager John Mozeliak sits behind a folding table. On the table is a pitcher of water. Mozeliak wonders why there are no glasses. In front of the table sits six folding chairs, beside him one more. A door opens from behind and Bill DeWitt Jr, Chairman of the team, sits down next to Mozeliak.

"Are you ready to do this?" DeWitt asks. Mozeliak nods. "Good," says DeWitt as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a glass. He pours himself some water.

"Did you just pull a drinking glass out of your sports coat?" Mozeliak wonders.

"Yes. I distinctly said cups would not be provided. This is a business, not a charity, Mo. Did you not get that memo?"

"I... guess not."

DeWitt takes a drink. "I can't believe we let you run this team... Anyhoo... MCGWIRE!" DeWitt bellows "LET US BEGIN"

Mark McGwire appears from the shadows and pulls an oversized red wagon across the room. Standing in the wagon are Joe McEwing, Tito Francona, Jose Oquendo, Mike Matheny, Ryne Sandberg, and Chris Maloney. The wagon stops and the men climb down and into their seats. McGwire disappears into the shadows.

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Before game seven of the 2011 World Series, Cardinals manager Tony La Russa ordered some pants.

Tony La Russa: I want a couple, maybe three of the light brown kind of a almost powder color like a powder on a ladies face. Then they were some green and some light pair, if you had a blue in that or a black, then I'd have one blue and one black. I need about six pairs to wear around in the evening when I come in from work

Joe Haggar: yes sir

TLR: I need...they're about a half a inch too tight in the waist.

JH: Do you recall sir the exact size, I just want to make sure we get them right for you

TLR: No, I don't know - you all just guessed at 'em I think, some - wouldn't you the measurement there?

JH: we can find it for you

TLR: well I can send you a pair. I want them half a inch larger in the waist than they were before except I want two or three inches of stuff left back in there so I can take them up. I vary ten or 15 pounds a month.

JH: alright sir

TLR: So leave me at least two and a half, three inches in the back where I can let them out or take them up. And make these a half an inch bigger in the waist. And make the pockets at least an inch longer, my money, my knife, everything falls out - wait just a minute.

Now the pockets, when you sit down, everything falls out, your money, your knife, everything, so I need at least another inch in the pockets. And another thing - the crotch, down where your nuts hang - is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States,

JH: Fine

TLR: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.

JH: Right

No, wait, that wasn't Tony La Russa, it was another guy who went by three initials, former President Lyndon Johnson.

He, much like Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington, had really funny conversations recorded and then later released.

La Russa's actual speech had a lot more to do about "stupid puppies and living in California and how he is a big jerk and a terrible manager", per our sources in Affton.

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The most remarkable part of last night's based ball game, one of the most magical ever played, is not that I am still alive (something that I did not expect to occur circa 10:45 last night), but rather that the cardinals were down to their last strike twice, the first being in the ninth before David Freese hit a city saving two run triple.

The second time Lance Berkman, Old Salt and Pepper Beard, singled to center to tie the game in the tenth inning.

The Cardinals, down 10.5 games in August, down two games with three to play, down 2-1 to the Phillies in the NLDS, down 1-0 to the Brewers in the NLCS, down 3-2 to the Rangers in the World Series, had no business being here. Yet, come the 11th inning, we learned life's most important lesson, from J Walter Weatherman David Freese.

Game Seven of the World Series. Magical words. As a friend once wrote:

It's October in Saint Louis. And There Is Baseball To Be Played.

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SB Nation St. Louis has learned from the Cardinals Sales & Services department the R&B singer Joe Thomas (known as just "Joe") will be performing the national anthem before Game Six of the World Series. You may know Joe from such hits as "I Wanna Know", "Stutter", and a bunch of others. Look them up, this isn't a press release. As a native of Georgia, he has nothing to do with the city of Saint Louis, like everyone else who has sung the national anthem this World Series.

We were also informed that MLB has yet to determine who will throw out tonight's first pitch, so we're going to go ahead and assume it will be someone from Glee.

UPDATE: The Saint Louis Post-Dispatch is reporting former Cardinals short stop and 2006 World Series MVP David Eckstein will be throwing out the first pitch. No word on if he will require a running start, like most of his throws from short.

Early Wednesday morning, down three games to two in the World Series to the Texas Rangers, the Saint Louis Cardinals gather in their locker room for a closed door meeting with the coaches and general manager to discuss their strategy for a do or die game six.

"You guys remember when we were down two games to one to the Phillies and we came back to win the series? How'd you get yourself prepared to do that?" Asked manager Tony La Russa.

"I did some extra stretching, went over some tape," answered game four's starting pitcher Edwin Jackson.

"Took an extra round of BP with Mac," said Skip Schumaker, who had a multi-hit game.

"What about you, Dave, what did you do?" La Russa asked David Freese, who had four RsBI in game four.

"I murdered and ate Nate Grimm," said Freese.

"Um... that guy from that website?" asked hitting coach Mark McGwire.

"Yeah, Arthur Rhodes poached him in butter with some sage leaves in the whirlpool. He was delicious."

"Ooooookkkkkaaaaaayyyyy.... Carp, what did you do before game five?" Queried La Russa.

"I brutally murdered some hobos," noted Carpenter as he pointed to a pile of bindles in the corner.

"And did you eat them?" Asked pitching coach Dave Duncan.

"No, that's disgusting."

"I did, though," Jason Motte piped in. "Arthur smoked them low and slow over over apple wood. Delicious."

"Jesus Christ," La Russa replied, "how many people did you guys murder to win the NLCS?"

"Damn near half the population of Door County," answered Schumaker.

"So, you're all zombies now?" Asked general manager John Mozeliak.

Every player in the locker room nodded in agreement, sans Carpenter. "I'm just a psychopath," Carpenter explained.

Mo looks pensive. "Have you eaten anyone lately?"

"No, sir," answered center fielder Jon Jay. "Ever since we made the World Series, Saint Louis police is making the city all safe and stuff and Carp can't go on his patented murder binges."

"So we'll have to keep this in house," notes Mozeliak. "If only we had a sacrificial lamb."

Rhodes rises to his feet. "Lamb, huh? Pujols, get some pitas. Holliday, make some tzatziki. Garcia, get some onions and lettuce. I'm making gyros... Or should I say, 'Liliqueros..."

"Liliqueros... that sounds funny," chuckled Cardinals bullpen coach Derek Lilliquist. "Hey... wait a minute!"

/CUT TO BLACK

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On the heels of Albert Pujols tying Babe Ruth on the postseason Home Runs list, we decided to look at possible franchise records which could be topped against the Rangers. It is an incredibly sexy list:

Catchers Interference:

1 - Ken Boyer, George Hendrick

0 - Um, everyone else

Rangers Catcher Mike Napoli has been called for Catchers Interference a remarkable six times in his career, so you never know!

Intentional Walks:

5 - Marty Marion

2 - Albert Pujols

I sincerely doubt Pujols can replace Marty Marion (an incredibly not intimidating hitter who benefited on this list from batting eighth an awful lot) but if he has a Pujolsian game or two, Rangers manager Ron Washington may have no choice but to take the bat out of Albert's hands.

Worst Tattoos:

1- Scott Spiezio

0 - Everyone else

Spiezio will lose sole reign of first place once Yadier Molina takes the field, and it will be a three way tie once Kyle Lohse gets to the mound.

And, yeah, that's the list.

Thousands took to the street to protest Cardinals manager Tony La Russa and general manager John Mozeliak's decision to not let everyone play in the postseason. The grass root campaign sprung to life after long time Cardinals fan John McDonald (pictured above) found out Adron Chambers had made the team over terrible baseball player Corey Patterson.

"Corey is just like me. We are equally terrible at baseball," McDonald, who last played baseball his Freshman year of high school, said. "It'd be really cool to play in the World Series. At 31, it's pretty sure that ship has sailed for me, but I could picture myself striking out helplessly and getting picked off of first as a pinch runner if Patterson was in there. Seriously, we're like the same player."

Others are here to support spurned Cardinals pitcher Jake Westbrook. "He just seems like a nice guy!" Said Tabitha S, age 9. "And he has such dream eyes!" Noted Kayla D, age 6 (and probably too young to notice Jake Westbrrok's incredibly dreamy eyes, but whatever).

After the jump... Still stung from the roster decisions in 2006, other protesters are championing causes now five years old.

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 Bruce Sutter (1982)

Style: Lumberjack Beard

Analysis: The godfather of both great Cardinals closers and Cardinals closers with facial hair (hit the bricks, Hrabosky), Sutter's split fingered fastball was proven to be 37% less effective when he was clean shaven. Not only was it good for helping Sutter strike out batters, he was also able to hide bags of cocaine in his beard for when Keith Hernandez went into his patented seventh inning shakes.

Result: World Series Champions

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Ron Roenicke: "Nyjer, We need to talk."

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Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers joined SI's Peter King on his weekly podcast this week, and the two discussed the friendship between Rodgers and Milwaukee Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun. On Sunday night, Rodgers performed the Brewers (and Pixars) trademark "Beast Mode" celebration in the Packers comeback win against the Atlanta Falcons.

With Rodgers in attendance, Braun returned the favor in Monday night's 12-3 loss to the Cardinals, performing Rodgers distinctive "Title Belt" celebration after hitting a single.

Quote Rodgers:

He's been promising to do the belt move for a while. I probably should have given him the specifications that a single up the middle isn't really worthy of a belt, but he's still trying to figure that out.

Baby steps, Aaron. Baby steps.

You can listen to the complete podcast here.