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Ancient Chinese Secret

  • joined Jan 29, 2010
  • last login Jul 09, 2014
  • posts 30
  • comments 94672

A Fan Of...

  • MLB St. Louis Cardinals
  • NFL Chicago Bears
  • NCAAF Notre Dame Fighting Irish
  • NCAAB Notre Dame Fighting Irish
  • NHL St. Louis Blues
User Blog

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Ed Orgeron, Head Football Coach, University of Southern California Trojans

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Fig Newtons come with sleeves. Our jerseys do not.

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25

ALUMNI OUTREACH WITH BRIAN KELLY

[Jack Swarbrick and Brian Kelly stand in the hallway of a four-star hotel in downtown Chicago, outside the double doors of a large banquet hall.] KELLY: Look, Jack, I'm very busy this week, and I...

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ON THE NIGHT SHIFT WITH THE BLIND ORACLE AT BRISTOL

Truly, the Blind Oracle astounds and amazes. Despite Zeus' most vexing interference last week, the Oracle's trendy frames saw that which was destined. But Lo! The Oracle does not shy from a...

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RETURN OF THE BLIND ORACLE AT BRISTOL

Hark, lowborn mortals, for the Blind Oracle at Bristol has returned! We assume you foolishly thought that the Blind Oracle perished at the end of last season, as is your wont, but no! The Oracle's...

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WEEKEND OPEN THREAD: IN WHICH THE CUBS ARE TROLLED HARDCORE

Do you like baseball? Do you like exciting offense? Clutch pitching? Two powerhouses battling for first place in a midseason rivalry matchup? Too bad. Join me for a NL Central Pillowfight of epic...

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The Offseason is Boring: Crappy Beer Thread

The commentariat in this corner of the interwebs contains quite a collection of unapologetic beer snobs, among whom I am happy to count myself. Our threads are filled with discussions of local,...

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The Advantage Begins

[It is a cold, quiet night. Between the clouds, the weak light of the moon shines on a McMansion with a staggering number of rooflines, set back far from the road. The lights of a large city glow...

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El Oráculo Ciegos en Bristol

What fools these mortals be! Just as they thought Notre Dame was doomed for Christmas in Detroit, so they thought the Blind Oracle at Bristol's mystic powers left him back in October. But nay! The...

Meet Indiana's finest. This is what happens when you give Purdue fans guns...

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Meet Indiana's finest. This is what happens when you give Purdue fans guns and horses. UPDATE: More specifically, meet the St. Joseph County Sheriff's Posse.

And you people think I have problems.

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Presenting a whole new group of people for me to automatically disagree with.

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The Trial

[A courtroom, veiled in shadow and filled with the whispers of tense spectators. The BAILIFF enters silently through a side door, and a hush falls over the room.] BAILIFF: Hear ye, hear ye! Now...

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The Blind Oracle at Bristol is Back For More.

Foolish mortals. For weeks, you mocked the Blind Oracle at Bristol with your "spreads" and your "obscure Dune references." But the Oracle will always get the last laugh, for he sees what you never...

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The Blind Oracle at Bristol Does Not Enjoy 11 AM Kickoffs

The Blind Oracle at Bristol may be a bit late to join you Saturday morning, for even the most divinely inspired of prophets must journey to the local Jewel-Osco to acquire the nectar of the gods.  S...

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New Schedules!

SOUTH BEND, IN - Notre Dame Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick announced the finalized schedules for upcoming football seasons in a press conference Wednesday afternoon.  We now bring you an...

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The More Things Change...

Back when Ancient Chinese Secret was six months old, a strange intersection of fate and coincidence took place one November night in Miami. Fortunately, Brunt Mashbanger was there to capture it for...

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The Blind Oracle at Bristol Ponders Questions of the Infinite

All right, so the Blind Oracle at Bristol has been a little off lately. No matter! If you mortals are too dense to correctly interpret his prophetic visions, that's really not his problem. Now be...

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The Blind Oracle at Bristol Returns to the Scene of the Crime

The Blind Oracle at Bristol cackles with glee at you mortals, who foolishly believed his prediction last week. Alas for you, that prophecy was but a test of your faith, and you have failed. Or...

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Motivational Psychology With Brian Kelly

[Alumni Stadium, Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts, 11:03 P.M. Notre Dame has a comfortable lead over Boston College late in the game, but Irish quarterback Dayne Crist has just thrown an ugly...

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The Blind Oracle at Bristol Settles for Steady Improvement

Woe, woe to the unbelievers! With each passing week, the Blind Oracle at Bristol's powers grow stronger and more accurate. Small wonder, then, that the Council of Old Men wishes him to drink...

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The Blind Oracle at Bristol Senses Much Fear in You

What say you now, foolish mortals, that the Blind Oracle's prophecies have been proven true two weeks in a row? The Oracle cares nothing for this "exacta" of which you speak, for he sees the deeper...

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The Blind Oracle at Bristol Stares Into the Abyss

Woe and ill tidings to those who doubt the the prophetic powers of the Blind Oracle at Bristol!  Silence, peons, as he enters his trance-like state once again...

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The Blind Oracle at Bristol Speaks, Week 2

The Blind Oracle at Bristol is 0-1 on prophesies so far this year, but no matter! A hush falls over those gathered around his sacred desk as he enters his trance-like state once again!

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SHOCKING NEWS! Notre Dame Plays Football Game, Does Normal Things Fairly Well

SOUTH BEND, IN - In a stunning development on Saturday, the University of Notre Dame (IN) football team engaged Purdue University's team in a game of American tackle football. The team arrived at...

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In Tribute to the Late Blue-Gray Sky: The Blind Oracle at Bristol Returns!

The Blue-Gray Sky was, hands down, the best Notre Dame football blog until it closed its gilded doors earlier this year. Their brilliant long-form posts form what is probably the best documentation...

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NEW PRODUCTS FROM ACS CAPITAL!

Does it ever seem like things in your college football life are just going too well?  Did you recently hire a shiny new coach? Did your biggest rival get Fingagunz'd? Did you recently avoid...

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