SB Nation User Blog: Azreous

Diamondbacks 0, Reds 1: Crimson Flare-out

Azreous — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 02:04:31 -0000

No, this wasn't actually the one run that was scored, thanks to the bazooka arm of Justin Upton.

Record: 31-47. Pace: 64-98. Change on last season: -9. Change on 2004: +3

Today's TV broadcast brought up an interesting (albeit pretty circumstantial) stat: the Diamondbacks are 1-14 in games following Dan Haren starts. After Haren's masterful performance in all facets last night, I suppose that meant we had reason to be less than optimistic, particularly with young phenom Johnny Cueto on the bump for the Reds. The Diamondbacks did all they could to manifest that destiny through six innings, failing to take advantage of Cueto's wildness to get even one run across, and from that point their fate was sealed.

The early innings could best be described as a plethora of wasted opportunities. They got the leadoff man aboard each of the first three frames but could do nothing with it. Lopez walked to start the first, but three straight outs followed. Parra walked to begin the second, but was thrown out on a failed hit-and-run with one out. Montero, who swung at ball four once trying to protect the runner, ended up drawing a walk, and Tracy walked behind him -- meaning the bases would have been loaded with one out, all without swinging the bat. Benefit of hindsight, absolutely, but the fact remains. That brought the pitcher up with two outs, and also brought the end of the threat. Lopez singled in the third and was bunted over by Drew, but Upton and Reynolds struck out. In the fourth, fifth and sixth, Arizona decided to drop all pretense of success whatsoever and went down in order. Essentially, this let Cueto off the hook; his pitch count was extremely high through the first few frames, but Lopez's single was the only hit he allowed in his six innings of work.

On the other side, Jon Garland continued his Mr. Hyde routine by pitching extremely well on the road. As usual, he had to work around a handful of tight spots, but he kept the score column clear for the first five innings by being remarkably efficient. The only real trouble he faced to that point was in the third, when Chris Dickerson hit a double with one out. Danny Richer (who had six at-bats this season before today's start) tried to score from first, but was gunned down by the cannonating arm of Justin Upton. It took until the sixth for the Reds to finally get someone across -- Dickerson had a leadoff base hit up the middle, moved to second on a groundout, and scored on a little flare to left that nobody could reach in time. Parra might've had a chance to throw Dickerson out, had he cut off Upton's arm and grafted it to his body.

Garland was sitting on a very economical 71 pitches while the offense battled in the top of the seventh. Parra reached on a beautiful bunt to the left side to lead things off, and waltzed over to second on a wild pitch that caromed off the backstop. Chris Young walked, and Montero moved both runners over with a great bunt. Facing a lefty, Roberts pinch-hit for Tracy, but struck out anyway. Desperate for a run or two in that situation, Garland was removed for Tony Clark, who drew a walk to load the bases. But Lopez flew out weakly and the inning was over.

With Garland out of the game, Clay Zavada was brought in to keep it a one-run game. He struggled a bit, getting tagged for a single, walk, and single and only getting one out in the process (and he was fortunate that Jay Bruce was the lead runner, which loaded the bases instead of being first and second with a run in). Juan Gutierrez was summoned, faced with a heavy task: keep the game close, and preserve Zavada's scoreless streak to start his career. He was able to do both, punching out Dickerson and getting Jerry Hairston to pop it up to the left side, keeping it a 1-0 game. So even though Zavada had a WHIP of 4.50 in today's outing, the streak lives on -- 19 appearances and 18 innings pitched.

Staring at an imposing number in the opponent's line score (i.e., "1"), the Diamondbacks' 2-3-4 hitters went down 1-2-3 in the eighth without so much as a whimper. Gutierrez continued to work in the bottom half, erasing a leadoff single by getting Brandon Phillips to ground into a 5-4-3 double play and getting Lance Nix to foul out harmlessly to Reynolds. But Parra, Young and Montero could do nothing against Francisco Cordero in the ninth, and that was that. No runs, no win. Granted, you're not going to win many games where you can only muster two hits and you get set down in order five of the last six innings.

Master of his Domain: Jon Garland, +17.4%
God-Emperor of Suck: Ryan Roberts, -14.6%
Honorable Mention: Stephen Drew, -14.4%; Justin Upton, -13.2%; Mark Reynolds, -10.4%

Roberts gets stuck with the bulk of the blame thanks to his strikeout in a key situation. The 2-3-4 hitters, in that order, round out the rest of the rubble thanks to their 0-11 performance. Garland was forced to eat the loss despite another road gem (6 IP, 6 H, 1 ER, 0 BB, 2 K). Gutierrez just missed Honorable Mention with a +9.3% for his 1.2 innings of solid work out of the pen. The only hitter in the positive was Clark, at a whopping +2.4%; the other 10 batters who gave it a shot were all in the red.

For the Diamondbacks, Lopez and Parra each reached twice, on a walk and a hit. On the Reds' side, Dickerson, Joey Votto and Ramon Hernandez all had two hits apiece. Weathers and Rhodes both had strong innings in relief of Cueto.

Meager GameDay Thread (210 comments), fitting for a meager performance by our team. Snakecharmer ended up just shy of 50 comments in leading the way. Those who raised their hands when the teacher called attendance included: unnamedDBacksfan, kishi, Jim McLennan, snakecharmer, edbigghead, hotclaws, Diamondhacks, TwinnerA, 4 Corners Fan, Snake Bitten, Azreous, dahlian, pygalgia and NotGuilty.

Tomorrow is the series finale, a 9:35 a.m. start for all us Arizona folk. It'll be Doug Davis against Aaron Harang, so if you're not fully awake at that point, don't worry. I'm sure Davis' slow work rate and our anemic offense can lull you back to sleep in no time. As a footnote, the 2004 team snapped an 11-game win streak at this point in that season, meaning we've "gained" a game on them in the chase for putridity. Good times.

Diamondbacks 1, Rangers 2: They're No Rangers to Love

Azreous — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 07:26:46 -0000

More photos » by Rick Scuteri - AP

I know, you see this photo opportunity and want me to do something witty with the caption. Something like "that new batting stance isn't working either, Eric." But the hell with him.

Browse more photos »

Record: 30-42. Pace: 68-94. Change on last season: -9. Change on 2004: +3.

Dan Haren took the mound for the Diamondbacks tonight against the Rangers, looking to get the D-backs their third winning streak of the month. Yes, the previous streaks were just two games apiece; it sounds much better this way. Despite Haren's miniscule ERA and WHIP, he found himself stuck with a 6-4 record going into tonight's matchup, which if nothing else is a testament to how worthless wins and losses are as a measure of a pitcher's value. Consider this very recent example:

Pitcher A: 9-0, 2.56 ERA, 0.99 WHIP, 17 BB, 49 K
Pitcher B: 3-4, 2.57 ERA, 0.92 WHIP, 9 BB, 63 K

Those are the numbers through the first nine starts of the season. Brandon Webb (A, 2008) certainly pitched very well to start the year and was deserving of his wins (and yes, Webb's inclination to pitch to contact means Haren's K/BB ratio will be better), but Haren (B, 2009) had no business being stuck with a losing record to that point. Or any point.

"But Chris!" you say. "This was Haren's 15th start of the season! Why bring this up now!" I'm glad you asked, Slappy. One, I forgot about a more in-depth analysis a month ago when this was more timely, and two, it's kinda like a microcosm for tonight's results, where Dan Haren was once again stuck with a loss he didn't deserve. When your pitcher runs out another ho-hum 7 IP, 4 H, 2 ER, 1 BB, 8 K line and gets pushed back to just one game over .500, there's a problem.

Let's work our way there, shall we? Haren was dealing in the first, setting down the side in order, but he ran into a bit of trouble in the second. Uncharacteristically, he plunked Marlon Byrd with a pitch and then walked Hank Blalock, putting the first two men aboard with nobody out. Even Danny boy couldn't wiggle his way out of that one, as a Taylor Teagarden double plated the first run of the game. Still, he got out of a second-and-third-with-one-out jam and limited the damage to just that one run.

Meanwhile, the Arizona offense was up to its usual anemic tricks. Felipe Lopez started the first with a single, but Stephen Drew flied out and Justin Upton grounded into a double play. In the second, Mark Reynolds reached on an error, and Gerardo Parra promptly grounded into a double play. Haren tried to help his cause with a double to right in the third, but after a Lopez walk, Drew couldn't extend the inning. Upton led off the fourth with a hit, but three groundouts put any thoughts of a run to rest.

Haren still didn't seem quite settled in when the top of the third came around. Ian Kinsler started things off with a little flare into center field, stole second, and scored on a David Murphy base hit to make it 2-0. Byrd reached with one out to put runners at the corners, but again Haren got out of the inning without putting a crooked number on the scoreboard. From that point on, he was completely locked in, facing only one hitter above the minimum for the next four innings (and that was on a Reynolds error).

Arizona did manage to get a run back in the fifth thanks to some old-school NL ball. Miguel Montero reached on a knock to start the inning, and Haren bunted him over on a 1-2 count to get him in scoring position (it could be argued that he should be swinging, given the ineptitude of this lineup, but that's another topic for another day). Lopez capitalized by slapping a ball into center field to score Montero to cut the lead in half. But Haren had already thrown 95 pitches through five, so time was of the essence.

In the sixth, Haren retired the side quickly on just 10 pitches, keeping his pitch count somewhat respectable. Parra did his best in the bottom half to get Haren off the hook for the decision, smacking a triple with one out. But who was due up for the Diamondbacks? Why, the twin-headed infinite swirling vortex of grotesque suckitude known as Tony Clark and Eric Byrnes, of course! Clark struck out for something like the 48th time in 49 at-bats this season (okay, the percentage isn't THAT high), and Byrnes hit a little 36-hop dribbler to second and the threat was over. One could imagine Haren in the dugout sharpening the edges of one of his bats out of frustration.

Sitting at 105 pitches, Danny lumbered back out for the seventh inning and went through the 8-9-1 spots almost as efficiently as the inning before. Parra made a nice play on a sharply hit ball by Kinsler to end it. Augie Ojeda pinch hit for Haren in the bottom half, but the offense could do absolutely nothing, so once again Haren was in line for a no-decision at best and a loss at worst.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot of good stuff to talk about from that point on. Jon Rauch and Chad Qualls were good out of the pen to keep it a one-run game -- Rauch worked around a leadoff walk with a double play and a strikeout, and Qualls had his good hard fastball working, inducing three groundouts in the ninth. You'd think asking the offense to get two measly runs would be reasonable, but such was not the case. Drew doubled to lead off the eighth, yet the middle of the order could do nothing to bring him home. And with the game on the line in the ninth, who'd we have due up? The indomitable law firm of Clark, Byrnes and Young! No bonus points for guessing the level of ineptitude displayed by THAT trio in a clutch situation.

Master of his Lousy Domain: Dan Haren, +13.4%
Honorable Mention: Felipe Lopez, +12.9%
God-Emperor of Suck: Eric Byrnes, -21.7%
Dishonorable Mention: Tony Clark, -19.2%; Justin Upton, -15.6%; Mark Reynolds, -14.4%

Can we please get Tony Clark the hell out of the starting lineup, if not the roster completely? I don't doubt he's a nice guy, but at this point I'm kinda rooting for someone to push him down the dugout stairs so he's mildly injured for another 15 days. There is no reason a team with the second-worst record in baseball should be playing an aging veteran ahead of a youngster (well, relatively) who was showing signs of coming around in his second stint with the big league club. At least with Byrnes we were somewhat convinced he could play baseball sometime in the past two years.

Who showed up for the Diamondbacks today? Well, the pitchers certainly did. Lopez reached base three times, and Parra had an RBI. But that's it. Nobody else reached base more than once. Of course, our arms shut down the Rangers lineup; only David Murphy reached base twice (H/BB), because the team had a total of four hits and two walks. And still we lost this game. Credit goes to Vicente Padilla, who managed to win a start without run support for once by matching Haren pitch for pitch (7 IP, 6 H, 1 ER, 2 BB, 3 K).

A much quieter GameDay Thread today, although who could be blamed for staying away from this train wreck? Skins led with 77 posts, and there were just over 200 total. Present: snakecharmer, kishi, DbacksSkins, hotclaws, pygalgia, 4 Corners Fan, emilylovesthedbacks, Fiona, venomfan, unnamedDBacksfan, Azreous, soco and jonny-yuma.

Still a chance to win the series tomorrow, but it's Jon Garland at home, which is kinda like having your lineup card look like this: 1) Byrnes, 2) Clark, 3) Byrnes, 4) Clark, 5) Byrnes, 6) Clark, 7) Byrnes, 8) Clark, 9) Stephen Hawking.

Needless to say, I'm excited about our chances.

Q&A with a Diamondbacks blogger

Azreous — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 22:02:56 -0000

Q&A with a Diamondbacks blogger

Jenny and I answer some questions from The Dallas Morning News' Richard Durrett about the series against Texas that starts tonight. In lieu of Jim's usual preview, assuming he's still without internet, check out their other articles from today for an idea of the pulse of Ranger fans right now (hint: their offense has been as bad as ours lately).

Diamondbacks 12, Royals 5: Crowning Achievement

Azreous — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 04:42:16 -0000

More photos » by ED ZURGA - AP

Royals 1B Billy Butler and Diamondbacks C Chris Snyder work on their levitation routines after a Max Scherzer strikeout in the sixth. Butler's isn't going so well.

Browse more photos »

Record: 28-38. Pace: 68-94. Change on last season: -7. Change on 2004: +1.

After last night's miserable performance, the Diamondbacks headed into the second game of their series with the Royals with nowhere to go but up. Below-average offensive performance? Great! Defense better than a little leaguer? Fantastic! But instead of merely passing over the bar, the D-backs destroyed the Royals in today's game in just about every possible way.

It was a great matchup of youngsters on the mound. Zach Grienke's been arguably the second-best pitcher in the American League to this point, with a sub-2 ERA coming in. On the bump for Arizona was the phenom Max Scherzer, who pitched into the eighth his last time out and had great stuff. But instead of a pitcher's duel, the Diamondbacks' offense was the star attraction today.

Things didn't get off to the best of starts. In the bottom of the first, Scherzer got a quick flyout and strikeout to begin the inning, but couldn't seem to get that last out. He walked Billy Butler and gave up a base hit to yesterday's killer, Mike Jacobs. Fortunately, "fleet of foot" isn't one of the phrases you would use to describe Jacobs, so Jose Guillen's double only scored one run, and Scherzer got out of the jam.

In yesterday's game, one run would have been more than enough to guarantee an Arizona loss, but not so today. They evened the score against Grienke in the next inning, using a Chris Young walk and Miguel Montero double to set up a Chris Snyder sac fly -- a little bizarre to see those two hitting back-to-back in the order, but such is the joy of interleague play. In the fourth, Reynolds started the inning with a strikeout (more on that later), but the next four D-backs reached (single, walk, single, fielder's choice), getting three runs across on a mixture of good offense and abysmal defense by the Royals. Grienke ultimately struck out the side and only one of the runs was earned, but it was still a 4-1 ballgame in favor of the good guys.

Scherzer's outing was full of baserunners and tight spots, but he managed to navigate all of the landmines with minimal explosions. After the first, it went something like this:

2nd: First and second, one out, no runs.
3rd: First and second, one out, no runs.
4th: Runner on second, two outs, no runs.
5th: Runner on third, one out, sac fly.
6th: First and second, two outs, no runs.

Twelve men on base in six innings, but still a quality start with just two runs charged to Mad Max. He struck out five and is now 4-1 in his last seven starts, after waiting so long to get his first big league win. He left nursing a slim 4-2 lead, but this time the offense made sure the bullpen couldn't blow an easy victory.

In the seventh, Stephen Drew (who continues to swing a hot bat right now) doubled with one out, and after a Justin Upton foulout, Reynolds connected for his 18th homer of the year into the seats in left. Special K was ultimately 1-for-4 with the homer and three strikeouts to go with it, which kinda feels like a microcosm of what we expect from him. That homer chased Grienke, who failed to make it through the seventh for just the fifth time in 14 starts -- and only the second time he had given up more than three earned runs.

But the floodgates really opened up in the eighth, once Grienke was tucked away in the dugout. Chris Young walked to lead things off, and Montero flew out. However, that started a run of five consecutive hits for Arizona -- Snyder singled, Josh Whitesell drove in Young with a base hit, Felipe Lopez slapped a knock to left to load the bases, Drew unloaded them with a triple, and Upton brought Drew home with a single of his own. Suddenly a five spot was on the scoreboard and a reasonably close game was a blowout. For good measure, the Diamondbacks tacked on one more run in the ninth -- after consecutive singles by Young and Montero, Snyder grounded into what should have been a double play, but our old buddy Alberto Callaspo threw the ball away on the turn and Young came around to score.

It'd be nice to say that the game simply ended there without any further damage, but after solid appearances by Scott Schoeneweis and Jon Rauch, the wheels continued to fall off of the bus for Juan Gutierrez. He labored through a 27-pitch inning, giving up three earned runs for the third consecutive outing. Five Royals reached base, and we can only be thankful that the game was completely out of reach by that point. Gutierrez's ERA was 3.92 on May 19, and an effective two-week span had lowered that to 2.90, but after the past three abysmal showings, it's all the way up to 5.13. Overuse (at least recently) isn't the issue here -- those three appearances have spanned 11 days.

Still, a 12-5 victory for our side, and although I wouldn't call the game "interesting," I certainly can't argue with the result.

Master of his Domain: Miguel Montero, +23.4%
Honorable Mention: Max Scherzer, +15.7%; Chris Snyder, +11.6%
God-Emperor of Suck: Felipe Lopez, -7.5%

None of our pitchers were in the negative for win expectancy -- yes, even Gutierrez, because apparanetly no team has ever blown a 12-2 lead before. We had a 100% WE with one out in the eighth, which is an acceptable time for Jon Rauch to be on the mound, I'd wager.

All kinds of success across the order, which is to be expected with 15 hits. Upton and Montero each had three hits. Drew and Snyder had a pair of hits apiece (the former also drove in three runs). Whitesell reached on a base hit and a walk, and Chris Young had the strangest line of all -- 1-for-2 with four runs scored, thanks to three walks. He had 16 walks in his 63 games coming into today. Every starter had at least one hit. For the Royals, Guillen had three hits and a walk, Maier had three knocks, and Butler and Jacobs each reached three times on two hits and a base on balls. Everyone who came out of their bullpen gave up at least one run, although Kyle Farnsworth's black mark in the ninth was unearned.

Another quiet GameDay Thread, which I suppose is to be expected given this team's performance through the first two months. Just snuck over 200 comments. Kishi just broke the 50 barrier and was the leading poster, with hotclaws right on his heels. The roll call: kishi, hotclaws, dima1109, pygalgia, unnamedDBacksfan, sergey606, TwinnerA, Diamondhacks, Jim McLennan, emilylovesthedbacks, Sprankton and soco.

As of press time, the Dodgers were down by a run in the ninth. The Giants and Padres lost, so we could gain ground on just about everybody if it all plays out. Series finale tomorrow, with our old buddy Dan Haren on the mound against Luke Hochevar and his 5.6 ERA. In other words, we're probably screwed.

Diamondbacks 0, Dodgers 1: Fire on the Mountain. One run, boys. One.

Azreous — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 05:22:39 -0000

More photos » by Chris Carlson - AP

Orlando Hudson and Chris Snyder perform the "2009 Standings" dance for the handful of fans still at Dodger Stadium.

Browse more photos »

Record: 23-31. Pace: 69-93. Change on last season: -7. Change on 2004: +2.

Let's take a brief moment to re-examine this series, shall we? We won the opener 3-2, with Billy Buckner pitching a gem, Tony Pena almost ruining everything, and just enough offense to get the job done. We blew yesterday's game in stunning fashion, getting virtually nothing done at the plate after Justin Upton's grand slam and wasting a nearly flawless outing from Dan Haren. Maddening inconsistency, barely any offense...those couldn't possibly have anything to do with the series finale tonight, could they?

Well, just maybe. There's not a lot to say here, folks, and not a lot of creativity can be gleaned from an unremarkable game where the boys in red showed very little effort in any facet of the game.

Jon Garland was on the bump for the Diamondbacks, coming off his last outing where he gave up nine runs (eight earned) in less than three innings. It didn't exactly inspire much confidence for our chances tonight. But he shut the Dodgers down for six innings, giving up just one run on four hits. When he was pulled for a pinch hitter in the seventh, he had one of the D-backs' four hits as well. Garland danced out of trouble in the fifth -- he gave up a base hit to the pitcher and walked Pierre (I'm not sure which is more rare; probably the latter) to load the bases with two outs, but Furcal weakly grounded out and the threat was over. In the sixth, Loney led things off with a triple, and that was too much to overcome -- a Blake sac fly brought him in, and that was it. The entirety of the offense for both teams in this game, and another ridiculous loss tagged to one of our starters.

To get the Diamondbacks' contributions to this game out of the way quickly, let's just review their missed opportunities (what few they had) at the plate and leave it at that.

2nd inning: Stephen Drew leads off with a single. After a Mark Reynolds strikeout, Miguel Montero walked to put runners on first and second. Chris Young was up next, and...well, it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that the inning abruptly ended when he got involved.
3rd inning: After Garland's base knock with one out, Felipe Lopez grounded out to first and Jon moved into scoring position. Gerardo Parra couldn't bring him home.
4th inning: Drew singled and Reynolds walked with one out. Montero struck out, but Young coaxed a walk to load the bases. Whitesell ended the inning with a groundout.
6th inning: Upton led off the inning with a walk, and stole second on Drew's strikeout. Reynolds flied out, and Montero reached on an infield hit that moved Justin over to third. Chris Young happened, inning over.
8th inning: Now trailing 1-0, Upton starts things off with a base hit. Drew struck out again. With a two-strike count, Hinch puts on a hit-and-run and Reynolds takes advantage with a base hit up the middle, moving Upton to third with one out. But Montero spared us more CY futility by grounding into a double play.

Notice that in most of these occasions, the 3/4 guys started things off (although never in tandem) and the bottom of the order couldn't get anything done. In short, they managed to make Billingsley throw a lot of pitches (112 in six innings, including four walks), but he still struck out nine and didn't give up any runs.

Not much else to talk about. Jon Rauch pitched a scoreless seventh in a one-run game, erasing a leadoff single on a double play. And Clay Zavada threw a blemish-free eighth.

Master of his Domain: Jon Garland, +17.4%
Honorable Mention: Justin Upton, +12.5%; Mark Reynolds, +10.5%
God-Emperor of Suck: Miguel Montero, -27.2%
Dishonorable Mention: Chris Young, -20.7%; Josh Whitesell, -15.8%; Gerardo Parra, -11.4%

For the Diamondbacks, Stephen Drew had two hits, and Montero and Reynolds each got on base twice with a walk and a single. We had no extra-base hits (for the first time this season) and struck out 12 times, three of them by Parra. All of our pitchers were in the positive for win expectancy, however. For the Dodgers, only Loney reached twice, but every starter save Furcal got on base once. Broxton pitched a flawless ninth (although against the law firm of Young, Byrnes and Roberts, that isn't much of an accomplishment) for the save, and that was that.

600+ comments in the GameDay Thread, most of which were somewhat kinda on topic sort of. Skins led the way with triple digits; three others reached the 50 plateau. Those who chimed in: snakecharmer, DbacksSkins, Hoytsstash, Jim McLennan, Scrbl, kishi, Turambar, TwinnerA, Baja F1, TheNaturalMevs, older fart, pygalgia, emilylovesthedbacks, hotclaws, luckycc, 4 Corners Fan, katers, pierzynskirules, nargel, Azreous, soco, jonny-yuma, Augie O'Hater, mrssoco and venomfan.

Day off tomorrow. I'm with Jim on this one: the hell with this team right now. A day away from them will do us wonders. Friday starts a three-game set against the Padres, with Doug Davis on the mound. A sweep would put us in third place! Yay. And in related news, Randy Johnson got rained out of his bid for 300 against the Nationals tonight. We'll have to see if he goes tomorrow, or if they push him back a bit -- there might still be a chance of him facing us. More on that later...

Diamondbacks 5, Padres 8: Leo, King of the Bungle

Azreous — Thu, 28 May 2009 05:18:13 -0000

More photos » by Paul Connors - AP

Arizona Diamondbacks LF Eric Byrnes dives to rob San Diego Padres 2B Chris Burke of a hit. The vast wasteland of disappointment for D-back fans caused by those two gentlemen being involved in the same play could not be measured at press time.

Browse more photos »

Record: 20-27. Pace: 69-93. Change on last season: -8

Remember when you were a kid and the teacher would have you do Mad Libs as a group? (If you're over the age of 25, just work with me here.) I loved Mad Libs. It allowed me to use my imagination to come up with the most absurd stories known to man. Conversely, it also was a great diversion from reality, which comes into play here, as the reality of tonight's Diamondbacks' game was none too pretty. You can pick your favorite (or least-hated) answer as you go along and make this recap whatever you want it to be.

Having finally derailed the Padres' win streak, Arizona came into Chase Field looking to , a concept that doesn't seem quite as mind-boggling as it did two weeks ago. Calling the first two games a "split" doesn't really do them justice, considering the frenetic last few innings in each that saw the Diamondbacks do their best to cough up seemingly insurmountable leads. Of course, this was a direct contrast to about a week ago, when the D-backs kept storming back in games where they fell behind early, so maybe this is just a case of everything balancing out in the long run.

Regardless, they were going to have to go through former Cy Young winner Jake Peavy to get the job done tonight, and with Billy Buckner opposing him, Arizona's chances . After the previous couple games gave half the people in the state heart attacks, Jim preferred to work a little reverse mojo for this one: "I think it would probably be best if we came right out of the gate playing dreadful baseball, fell behind early and saw Augie Ojeda pitching the last three innings."

And the club paid the price dearly in the early innings. Similar to his last start against us when he struck out 12, put up a great performance against our oft-anemic offense today. But despite our flailings -- remember, you can't spell flailing without failing -- at the plate, we still managed to reach him for a few runs. More on that in a bit.

Buckner fulfilled the first part of Jim's wish right from the get-go, serving up a two-run homer to NL-leading HR hitter Adrian Gonzalez in the top of the first. Still, after that momentary blip, Bucker settled in and looked much like he did in his last start against Oakland, throwing a heaping helping of strikes and avoiding any other real trouble. His only shaky moment through the opening five frames was in the third, when Peavy singled and Giles walked to start the inning. Buckner battled back -- he struck out the irrascible David Eckstein and got Hairston to ground into a double play, exploiting the two former D-backs .

Meanwhile, Peavy was . Through five, the Diamondbacks only had two hits in the hit column, . Upton contributed to the only significant threat to Peavy in the fourth, when he beat out a ball hit on the left side of the infield, and then stole second. Drew walked, but Reynolds and Tracy were unable to do anything with the runner in scoring position, and the inning ended quietly.

Judging from the bottom of the fifth and the top of the sixth, this looked like a game that was going to be over, fulfilling Jim's desire . We went three up, three down in the bottom half on some terrible looking at-bats -- Byrnes popped out , Roberts fouled out, and Buckner was set down on strikes. Meanwhile, after cruising for four innings, Buckner fell apart in the sixth. He gave up three consecutive hits, a triple and two singles, to make it a 3-0 game with runners on first and second and nobody out before finally getting the hook. Zavada came in , but he gave up a base hit and a sac fly that made it 5-0. All the runs were charged to Buckner, leaving Billy with a line that doesn't really reflect his decent outing: 5 IP, 7 H, 5 ER, 1 BB, 5 K.

Staring at a five-run deficit, things looked pretty bleak. Enter last week's Resilient Diamondbacks, and as has been the case for just about the entire season, Justin Upton was . Parra, hitting leadoff in tonight's game, starting the inning off with a double. Montero singled sharply to center, which prevented . But Upton crushed a triple to center field that scored both runners, and Drew followed with a base hit of his own that suddenly made it a two-run game. Even though the inning ended quickly after that, Peavy looked human and the offense .

That positive trend continued into the seventh. Leo Rosales came in and had a great inning, retiring Blanco, Peavy -- who hit for himself at 91 pitches -- and Giles very quickly. Two one-out singles in the bottom half finally managed to chase Peavy, and with runners on the corners, Parra hit a sac fly to right to make it a one-run game. Now the Paders were on the ropes, staring at the same improbable kind of comeback the Diamondbacks struggled with the previous two nights.

Problem was, somebody apparently caught up to Rosales between innings and . Rosales threw 20 pitches without getting an out. Sixteen of those pitches were balls. Let's break it down just to give this train wreck the appreciation it deserves: He walked Eckstein on five pitches, after getting ahead 0-1; he threw the ball away on a first-pitch sac bunt by Hairston, a disastrous play that somehow resulted in two separate errors and a runner scoring from first on a bunt; he intentionally walked the mighty Gonzalez; he walked Kouzmanoff on six pitches, and one of the strikes was an inside pitch that was fouled off; and with the bases loaded, he walked Headley on four straight -- three changeups that missed low, and a fastball at the eyes. Well done, you must get up VERY early.

Esmering Vasquez was brought in to make sense of all the commotion, and did an admirable job. He only allowed one of the runs to score (on a one-out single), but struck out two and took care of pinch-hitter Tony Gwynn Jr., who . Unfortunately, the damage had already been done. Following that debacle, the Diamondbacks wasted a small opportunity in the eighth when Drew doubled with one out, but Reynolds struck out and Snyder K'd behind him to end the inning.

Lost in all the anger and confusion was Jon Rauch's uneventful ninth inning; he worked around a leadoff single by Eckstein to get a Hairston strikeout and a double play off the bat of Yo Adrian, meaning that Rauch . You know, in a situation that really didn't matter. And Parra had an RBI triple in the ninth to score Ojeda, who had doubled with two out. But that's about it.

Master of his Domain: Justin Upton, +16.9%
Honorable Mention: Augie Ojeda, +10.8%
God-Emperor of Suck: Leo Rosales, -17.0%
Dishonorable Mention: Mark Reynolds, -13.2%; Billy Buckner, -10.8%

Nothing too surprising in the graph for this one. Rosales was truly awful, and his percentage reflects it -- remember, that performance didn't cost us the lead, and it STILL counted that much against our chances. Reynolds reminded us of his dark side, and Byrnes and Tracy juuuuuust missed the cut on Dishonorable Mention with their hitless performances. Upton was a stud, and Augie had two hits off the bench to provide a little spark.

For the Diamondbacks, Upton was once again the star -- three hits to raise his average to .335, a stolen base and a couple of ribbies. Parra had a pair of hits and RBIs; Drew and Ojeda also had a pair of knocks apiece. Drew also drew (huh) the only walk of the game for Arizona. Rauch had his scoreless inning, and Zavada and Vasquez had a clean slate as well, although they each gave up runs charged to their predecessors. For San Diego, Peavy got the win despite his meltdown, and Heath Bell got one out for the save. Eckstein reached base four times, Gonzales had two hits and a base on balls, and Hairston, Giles and Kouzmanoff all reached twice.

Quiet GameDay Thread in the middle of the week. luckycc led the way with 66 comments; sayheyupton was the only other person with more than 50. Present were: snakecharmer, Jim McLennan, 4 Corners Fan, sayheyupton, hotclaws, luckycc, Azreous, unnamedDBacksfan, TwinnerA, mrssoco, pygalgia, jaydubsped, emilylovesthedbacks and kishi.

Atlanta comes to town for a 6:40 p.m. game tomorrow night. Dan Haren will be on the mound, which is both fun to watch and great for our chances of winning. Now if only he could ...

Audio updates from after the game, courtesy of Buckner, Roberts and Hinch:

Audio courtesy of KTAR 620

Diamondbacks 11, Marlins 9 (13): Extra, Extra, Read All About It

Azreous — Thu, 21 May 2009 07:01:28 -0000

More photos » by J Pat Carter - AP

21-year-old Arizona Diamondbacks OF Justin Upton hits another damn ball over the wall in the 13th inning of Wednesday night's game, then says "Mom, can we go home NOW?" Unfortunately, his mother was not one of the six fans at the ballpark.

Browse more photos »

This was a long day for the Diamondbacks. First and foremost was the news of Scott Schoeneweis' wife passing, which was documented in the earlier recap and in full detail here. Then it was a day/night doubleheader, the earlier game of which saw the D-backs rally twice but fall short 8-6. In the nightcap, the team fell behind early only to storm back again and again, showing remarkable resiliency in the face of adversity. Setting aside this morning's unfortunate tragedy, this was a hell of a game to watch.

But let's start at the beginning -- it's a very good place to start. Felipe Lopez led off the game with a double, and we appeared ready to race out of the gates. But he was stranded there, as both teams failed to get anything else going in the first. The Diamondbacks went down in order in the second, and then Bryan Augenstein started pulling his best (worst?) Doug Davis impression. In the bottom half, he imploded after retiring Cantu to lead things off, giving up a fun little single-walk-double-single-walk-sac fly sequence -- with an unhelpful error by Parra and walking the pitcher as part of it -- that turned a tie game into a 4-0 Marlins lead.

On many a night this season, that deficit would prove to be a deflating first step to another loss. But Justin Upton and Mark Reynolds weren't letting this team lose both ends of the doubleheader today, and the top of the third was their first defiant stance in that direction. Augenstein helped his cause by drawing a walk with one out. Lopez (who also had a big game) slapped a base hit to left, but Parra flew out for the second out. In stepped Justin Maximus Upton, who blasted a three-run shot to the upper deck in left, nearly erasing the deficit in one fell swoop. But the team wasn't done yet. Drew doubled, and Reynolds managed to get him in on a questionable error by De Aza (yes, it should have been caught, but he had a hell of a path just to get to it), which tied the game. Montero walked and Byrnes reached on an infield hit, which reluctantly chased Hayden Penn -- although the Marlins' bullpen didn't see quite as much use in the first game as ours did, so it wasn't as much of a concern. Badenhop got Tracy to fly out harmlessly and keep the inning from exploding any further, but the game was tied once again.

The next two innings were relatively uneventful, but Augenstein gave up a two-run jack to Jeremy Hermida in the fourth that stuck the Diamondbacks in another deficit. Still, Bryan managed to limp his way through the fifth inning as well, helping the bullpen avoid what would have been even more ridiculous work than what would ultimately be required (more on that later). The offense appeared listless for a couple of innings, going down in order in the fifth and wasting a one-out Byrnes double in the sixth. And Badenhop helped his own cause in the sixth when he successfully worked the squeeze play with a runner on third, making it 7-4. Again, with just three innings to play and three other comebacks wasted in the earlier parts of the day, it seemed like that might be it.

But Upton and Reynolds, et. al., were like AW HELL NAW. With Parra on first and one out in the seventh, Upton knocked a base hit to right, and they moved up a base on Ross' error. Drew hit a sac fly to score one run (and nearly had it fall to score two if not for a good catch by Ross), and then Mark Reynolds crushed a ball to left-center to tie the game yet again. And the Marlins went down in order in the bottom half, meaning once again everything reset and it became a two-inning game. Or so we thought.

First, there were a few minor attacks to avoid on both sides. Tracy and Roberts reached with one out in the eighth, but Arizona was unable to score. Gutierrez worked around a base hit in the Marlins' half. Upton led off the ninth with a base hit and stole second with one out, but Reynolds and Byrnes could do nothing to drive him in. The Marlins came up with a chance to end the game in the ninth and walk off a double winner today, but somehow Gutierrez escaped and left the bases loaded after a leadoff single and a couple of walks. Just like that, there was bonus baseball -- or double bonus baseball, considering the doubleheader. Luckily, Hinch had snuck in two innings of Rosales and Gutierrez, so the pen wasn't decimated, just very heavily used.

After a harmless 10th and top of the 11th, the Marlins had a huge opportunity to win the game when Tony Pena lumbered out for his second inning of work. He started the inning by plunking Ramirez, who moved to third on a single by Cantu. With nobody out, Hinch played the "use your best reliever in a high-leverage situation" card by bringing in Chad Qualls, who was simply masterful. He got Baker to ground out to Lopez and hold the runner at third, and after walking Uggla intentionally to load the bases, slammed the door on the Marlins' rally by getting a 4-6-3 double play to end the inning. Since I'm not expected to be an objective observer, I can safely say that was TREMENDOUS work.

Seemingly emboldened by the second chance, Reynolds was like OH JAM and hammered his second home run of the night, giving the Diamondbacks the lead. With two outs, Tracy walked and stole second, but for once the lack of getting a runner in from second was excusable. Qualls stayed in to hit so he could pitch the bottom half, and he'll have to continue searching for his first hit of his career (0 for 5 now) after being struck out to end the inning.

So with Qualls on the mound in a save-like situation, but actually in line for a win, our chances plummeted rather quickly. De Aza hit a double to left, which Eric Byrnes somehow managed to deposit into the stands when he tried to transfer it to his throwing hand, putting a runner on third with nobody out. Unlike the previous two times, we weren't able to stay on the tightrope unharmed; Coghlan singled to drive in the run, and just like that the lead was erased. Qualls managed to dance around a sac bunt and an intentional walk to get out of the inning, and once again the game was tied.

Faced with the prospect of the game going even further (it was already past 1 a.m. Florida time), the usual suspects pulled the Diamondbacks through one last time in the 13th. After a leadoff double by Lopez and a walk to Parra, Justin Upton hit an absolute bomb to left that made it an 11-8 game. Given both the situation and how far he hit it, I don't fault Justin for taking a bit of a look at that one. Reynolds did his best to add to the margin, drawing a walk and then stealing second with one out (his fifth stolen base of the day, counting his four from the first game), but he was stranded and that was that.

No fresh arms left in the pen. Your regular closer just finished two innings and went from being in line for a win, to a loss, to a win. Your other high-end arms had already been used in this game, disregarding the toll of the first half of the two-fer. So who do you call to get the save? Jon Rauch, that's who. The same Jon Rauch who stuck Doug Davis with a whole bunch of runs in the first game, and the only pitcher who'd done any sort of meaningful work (Rosales pitched, but just a third of an inning). If Rauch had somehow managed to blow this lead, I'm pretty sure a handful of people would have hopped on the next flight to Florida to deposit him in the Atlantic Ocean somewhere, but the big fella got the job done. He struck out two batters in the inning and had a pretty effective curve working. Sure, he gave up a solo shot to Dan Uggla, but with the three-run cushion, that was okay. And the Diamondbacks finally, blessedly, could look up at the scoreboard and see that beautiful "F" at the end, having picked up a much-needed W.

You want the Fangraph? I think you're entitled. You want the Fangraph? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE FANGRAPH.

Master of his Domain: Justin Upton, +59.3%
More than Honorable Mention: Mark Reynolds, +58.8%
Honorable Mention: Juan Gutierrez, +25.3%; Felipe Lopez, +20.9%; Chad Qualls, +14.8%
God-Emperor of Suck: Bryan Augenstein, -35.1%
Dishonorable Mention: Gerardo Parra, -30.6%, Stephen Drew, -19.2%; Tony Pena, -15.3%, Chad Tracy, -13.9%; Eric Byrnes, -11%

Phew. Reynolds' contribution will probably be high enough to be deemed the MohD in about 160 other games this season, but not this one. Considering the roller coaster of a graph above, this many people being on both sides of the equation is not particularly shocking. And for the most part, it makes sense. Qualls being so far in the positive is a testament to what a gem he worked in the 11th -- it's enough to even overcome him blowing the lead in the 12th.

Shall we touch on the relevant contributors? It'll take some time. Four-hit games for both Upton and Lopez -- the latter added a walk as well. Montero and Tracy each reached twice on walks. Byrnes had a couple of hits. Roberts had a hit in his one PA. Augenstein had a awful day on the mound, but he managed to draw a walk and score. And Mark Reynolds had the two homers, a walk, and a stolen base, leaving him with this line for the two games combined: 4-9, 2 BB, 2 HR, 3 RBI, 3 R, 5 SB. Have a day, son.

On the flip side, Parra was an ugly 0-for-6, although he did score two runs. Toss in the aforementioned Montero and Tracy, and the three were 0-for-15. And Chris Young managed to make an appearance, striking out for the fifth time in five at-bats today. He's like Bizarro Reynolds in today's twin bill, which is even more bizarre when you consider how much Markkkk usually strikes out. On the mound, Gutierrez worked a couple nail-biting scoreless innings, and Pena had a scoreless frame -- of course, he owes Qualls a HUGE thank you for that.

For the Marlins, Uggla reached base five times (he had a monster day himself), Hermida and De Aza had three hits, Cantu had a pair of knocks, and Ross and and Baker both reached twice. Sanches, Lindstrom and Calero all turned in solid work from the pen.

Maybe the FSAZ Twitter page sums it up best: 788 pitches, 24 pitchers, 34 runs, 47 hits, 37 left on base, more than nine hours of TV. Dayamn.

Not surprisingly, given both the length and excitement of the game, it was a busy second GameDay Thread. Nearly 900 comments, the tone of which fluctuated almost as much as the graph above. But you'd be hard-pressed not to walk away from this one feeling pretty satisfied about the outcome. Skins (247) and kishi (174) set the pace. The list of who chimed in: Wailord, sayheyupton, DbacksSkins, kishi, Wimb, hotclaws, luckycc, snakecharmer, 4 Corners Fan, Jim McLennan, jazzbo13, soco, TwinnerA, pepperdinedevil, venomfan, jonny-yuma, Azreous, dahlian, ASUJon and paqs.

After the rainy, hectic schedule of the past few days, there's still a series finale to play tomorrow, although it's sprinkling over Florida as we speak. Or as I write. Whatever. It'll be Max Scherzer against Andrew Miller in a game where you'd think we would have the advantage, but after odysseys like tonight, absolutely nothing can be taken for granted.

Downright Offensive: Documenting the D-backs' Struggles at the Plate

Azreous — Thu, 14 May 2009 23:56:48 -0000

More photos » by Gus Ruelas - AP

In a moment of revelation, Arizona Diamondbacks OF Ryan Roberts realizes that his unorthodox grip could be to blame for him striking out. Other Diamondback players quickly gathered around, trying to learn something.

Browse more photos »

Saying that the offense has been pathetic so far is a needless waste of perfectly good oxygen. Although Arizonans are accustomed to drought, this kind of offensive putridity is on a whole new level. It would seemingly be fair to say that our anemic offense deserves the bulk of the blame for this slow start. The starting pitching has been solid, particularly if you ignore Webb's one start and Petit's balloonish ERA, and the bullpen, while below average so far, hasn't exactly coughed up many leads. Of course, we'd actually have to have those first to lose them.

Even though I enjoy watching the game for what it is, I have a great appreciation for the statistical nature of baseball. So while we could analyze swings and break down our inability to hit with runners in scoring position, I'm taking this opportunity to look at just how bad we've been at the plate, and what possible factors could be contributing to it.

At 3.69 runs per game, we're presently on pace to score 598 runs, by far the worst in the NL and in franchise history. On the plus side, we'd have to be considerably worse to merit inclusion among the all-time worst run-scoring seasons in the modern era -- for example, the Phillies scored 394 runs in 1942 (albeit in only 151 games, but they still averaged just 2.61 r/g [!] to set the record). The California Angels managed 454 runs in 1972 in 155 games, also averaging less than 3 per. So historically, we're not doing that bad, even if it feels that way sometimes. As a whole, the NL is averaging 4.71 runs a game, or 763 over a 162-game marathon.

Let's break down the numbers a bit further and see if a reason for our failures (yes, other than "we suck") comes to light. They're hidden behind the jump for those who go cross-eyed at charts.

Listed below are our totals in the season to date, followed by our rank in the National League and the "leader" in the NL in that particular category. If the Diamondbacks are eighth or above, the league leader is shown; if 9th or lower, and it's not us, the 16th-ranked team is listed.

OPS+	75	15th	Giants (73)
BA	.232	16th
OBP	.307	16th
SLG	.393	t14th	Giants (.363)
SO	269	4th	Marlins (292)
SB	26	t2nd	Mets (29)

Nothing here is particularly surprising, except maybe the number of stolen bases. After a slow (get it?) start, we're tied for 2nd in the NL and have the success rate all the way up to almost 75 percent. If we managed to have more people on first (more on that later), it's not too much of a stretch to think we could be leading the league in SBs. Strikeouts are still outrageously high, although we're not the worst in the league.

But OPS+ might be the most telling stat of all. The Diamondbacks manage to eke out San Francisco for last in the NL, but league average is 94, a full 19 points higher. However, only three teams in the NL have an OPS+ of worse than 90 (Florida, 81), skewing that average somewhat. And breaking it down individually doesn't help much either. Arizona has six of the 109 players who have enough plate appearances to qualify for the batting title. Their rankings are seen below:

Name	OPS+	NL Rank
Justin Upton	141	17th
Felipe Lopez	121	39th
Mark Reynolds	108	52nd
Eric Byrnes	58	98th
Chris Young	40	106th
Conor Jackson	31	108th

That's right: former wunderkid Conor Jackson's struggles this season have ravished him (no, hotclaws, not like that) to the point where he ranks only ahead of Brian Giles in the National League. And three of our regulars this season have been among the 12 worst in the league. Hard to carry an offense with that kind of dead weight not only in the lineup, but hitting in the top half from time to time. On the bright side, Justin Upton continues to impress despite his age, and his numbers would be even more impressive if not for his slump to start the season. Felipe Lopez has been about as good as we could have hoped, and Reynolds is putting up above-average numbers.

Let's take a little bit different approach, then. Last season, the Diamondbacks hit the fewest number of singles in baseball. Has that trend continued as well?

HR	36	7th	COL/MIL (45)
3B	4	16th
2B	71	4th	Dodgers (74)
1B	160	15th	Phillies (159)

Hey, lookie there! Philadelphia has one less single than we do so far. Of course, it's worth pointing out that they've played four fewer games than us, so that prooooobably won't last. In fact, these numbers can't help but be slightly skewed -- only the Dodgers have as many games played as the Diamondbacks through yesterday's action.

So it seems the same problems that plagued us through the final five months of 2008 are still hanging around through the early parts of 2009, without an unsustainably hot month of April to skew our place in the standings. The team doesn't have a problem hitting for power, even with a number of its regulars struggling (although the number of triples vs. doubles is curious, given what you would perceive as above-average team speed). But even all those extra-base hits keep Arizona mired in 14th in slugging percentage, because there simply aren't enough hits to go around.

Jenny already put together a great piece earlier on the struggles of this team versus the 111-loss team of 2004. As mentioned before the jump, the current roster's pace would still be worse than in 2004 by 17 runs. Granted, the pitching on that team outside of Randy Johnson was terrible (almost 900 RA), but the Diamondbacks still fall short of the .253/.310/.393 line that the '04 squad put up. It should be noted that in 2004, no one but Shea Hillenbrand had more than 65 RBI -- but then again, no one struck out more than 90 times either. Since RBIs aren't exactly the best measure of a hitter, we'll ignore that for now.

What's the end result of all this? Basically, the team doesn't get on base enough. I know, I know -- "Chris, we didn't need some fancy-ass charts to get us to that conclusion." But it's remarkable how terrible this offense really is when you compare it to both the other teams in the National League and years past. Where that fundamental breakdown happened in the organization (scouting? Talent evaluation? Player development? Major/minor league coaching staffs?) is a matter of debate for another day, but the bottom line is that without significant, unexpected improvement, the 2009 Arizona Diamondbacks are in severe trouble. Strap in, folks; it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Diamondbacks 3, Reds 10: Parra Newcomers Still Can't Help

Azreous — Thu, 14 May 2009 06:47:13 -0000

More photos » by Rick Scuteri - AP

Arizona Diamondbacks SS Augie Ojeda stretches for an offline throw by C Miguel Montero. Unfortunately, Augie is still just 2'5".

Browse more photos »

Record: 13-22. Pace: 60-102. Change on last season: -10. Change on 2004: -1

The Mobile Baybears took on the Cincinnati Reds tonight in what ended up looking like some kind of exhibition match. Well, it was really just two call-ups from AA taking center stage tonight, with mixed results. The Diamondbacks continued to look like some kind of joke, though, so let's just go with the exhibition angle and pretend they didn't just get swept at home.

For about 20 minutes, things seemed to be going swimmingly. That was about how long the first inning took. Bryan Augenstein came out throwing strikes and not showing any fear of a pretty solid Reds lineup. He struck out Taveras on three beautiful pitches, got Hairston to ground out feebly to Drew, and punched out Bruce to complete a very efficient top of the first. In the bottom half, Gerardo Parra -- fresh off the bus and into the two hole in the lineup -- smacked a home run into the right-field seats in his very first big-league at-bat (the 100th player in big league history to do so). Suddenly it was 1-0 Arizona thanks solely to the youngsters making their first stop in the bigs, and the world was beautiful.

Unfortunately, like most things with the Diamondbacks these days, that was short-lived. After leaving two stranded in the second, Augenstein seemed to come unraveled a bit when Cueto led off the third by bunting to get a base hit. Taveras followed with a hit of his own. Augenstein got Hairston to ground out, which moved the runners over, then induced Bruce into hitting a fly ball that wasn't deep enough to score the Reds pitcher. But just when it seemed like Bryan might escape unharmed, evil incarnate Brandon Phillips ripped a double to right, plating both runners, and Hernandez followed with a single that drove in Phillips. Just like that, it was 3-1 Reds.

But this offense had been resillient under AJ Hinch's short reign, right? Sure, they're terrible with runners in scoring position, but two runs wasn't too much to ask for a comeback. Unfortunately, it took a while to get there. The D-backs went down in order in the second, third and fourth, and only a Tracy walk saved them from doing the same in the fifth. It looked like business as usual in the sixth when Lopez and Parra grounded out to get things started, but Upton continued his torrid hitting the past month with a double, and Stephen Drew, making his first start since April 24, drove him in (gasp!) to make it a 3-2 ballgame. Not too shabby. It should be noted that as Upton sped around third to come home, Cueto tried to put some kind of fake tag on him, and he was seen in the dugout holding his leg a little. He appeared to be fine, but it was still a needless tactic.

Augenstein entered the seventh sitting on 80 pitches. Still reasonable to trot him back out there, but the wheels -- and the gear shaft, engine, transmission, two passengers and one of the side mirrors -- fell off completely for the entire team in what could be seen as a microcosm of our season thus far. I hate relying on the whole "post an entire half-inning" gimmick, but the play-by-play does this a whole lot more justice than I ever could:

- J. Cueto grounded out to pitcher
- W. Taveras singled to right
- W. Taveras stole second
- J. Hairston Jr. doubled to left, W. Taveras scored
- S. Schoeneweis relieved B. Augenstein
- J. Hairston Jr. stole third
- J. Bruce walked
- G. Parra in left field
- J. Gutierrez relieved S. Schoeneweis
- C. Young in center field
- B. Phillips struck out swinging, J. Bruce stole second, J. Hairston Jr. scored on catcher M. Montero's throwing error
- R. Hernandez walked
- A. Rosales singled to center, J. Bruce scored, R. Hernandez to second
- C. Dickerson singled to center, R. Hernandez scored, A. Rosales to third
- R. Hanigan singled to right, A. Rosales scored, C. Dickerson to second
- E. Vasquez relieved J. Gutierrez
- J. Cueto grounded out to second

That's right. It took getting a pitcher out twice to end that hellish inning. The other out was the strikeout of Phillips that we couldn't even properly enjoy, because Montero sailed the throw into center field. And Vasquez had to be brought in to face Cueto the second time because Gutierrez couldn't get anything done right. That took a closely contested 3-2 game and turned it into an 8-2 debacle. Augenstein got charged with a couple of the runs, making his line look less respectable than it really was. Five runs, five hits, an error...the whole poison buffet was there.

This game was so ridiculous that Augie Ojeda became a leading source of offense. In the bottom half of that disastrous inning, Ojeda launched his second home run as a Diamondback, making the margin a little less awful. Of course, Brandon Phillips, that Ragtime Roastbeefy, hit a two-run double in the top of the eighth to skew the gap even further, and that ended up being the final margin. I'd go into more detail here, but after the seventh, the details were largely irrelevant.

Master of his Domain: Stephen Drew, +7.1%
God-Emperor of Suck: Bryan Augenstein, -21.5%
Dishonorable Mention: Juan Gutierrez, -12.3%
Not Deserving of Mention: Just about every other Diamondback

Not a whole lot to be excited about on the Diamondbacks' front; beyond Ojeda and Parra's home runs, Justin Upton had two extra-base hits and a walk. Drew had his RBI hit, and Montero and Tracy reached on walks. That's it. The defense had two errors (and a runner advanced on another terrible play by Montero). The only pitcher to escape without damage was Rosales in the ninth.

For the Reds, Taveras had three hits, and Hairston, Phillips, Dickerson and Hanigan each had a pair. Cincinnati reached base 20 times, with 14 hits, four walks and two plunkings -- Augenstein hit Rosales in the second on a pitch that seemed in no way intentional, and Vasquez pegged Bruce in the eighth on what was probably a real purpose pitch. Considerable argument about what "purpose" that actually served reigned supreme in the GameDay Thread.

Speaking of the GDT, it was a pretty good turnout for a pretty crappy game. More than 750 comments, although it was hard to muster up much enthusiasm after the eighth. Leading the way were Skins (236) and Pyromnc (109). Present: Pyromnc, sayheyupton, DbacksSkins, Muu, Wimb, snakecharmer, Sprankton, 4 Corners Fan, Jim McLennan, TheDBackFan, luckycc, hotclaws, Fiona, Azreous, kishi, emilylovesthedbacks, ASUJon, dahlian, Wailord, Scrbl, jonny-yuma, Tim Weiss and venomfan.

It'd be nice to say that this was something that could be shaken off, an anomaly in a recent string of acceptable play. Instead, the AJ Hinch era has moved to 1-5, and the basic fundamentals are still nowhere to be found. We might be wishing this were 2004 at some point, which is a horrifying prospect. The Diamondbacks are now 9-15 at home, the worst record in the majors.

Day off tomorrow. No one has earned it, but by god, at least we can't lose again. Better enjoy it while it lasts, because there won't be another off day for like three weeks.

Diamondbacks 3, Padres 1: Upton of Bricks

Azreous — Thu, 07 May 2009 10:13:40 -0000

More photos » by Denis Poroy - AP

Third-base coach Chip Hale stops his windmill motion long enough to give a fist bump to OF Justin Upton after Upton's second homer of the game.

Browse more photos »

Record: 12-16. Pace:: 69-93. Change on last season: -8.

Sure, it's 4 in the morning, but I'm still going to find time for the recap. Maybe I'm just crazy like that. After watching the game at Buffalo Wild Wings, I find myself much more interested in putting together a piece about today's game because of the victory. After the performances of the past week or so, it would've been all too easy to cop out after another anemic offensive effort, but a few timely plays ended up making a huge difference in picking up a much-needed win.

If you really broke down the factors behind tonight's game, the chances didn't look that great. We had a guy from AAA jumping straight off the bus and into the fifth spot in the lineup. Our most veteran pinch hitter joined last year's most consistent hitter on the DL (okay, deep down we know that Clark disappearing probably helped our chances, but still). We were facing the 2007 Cy Young winner with an offense that had scored just 16 runs in its past six games. Not exactly a recipe for success.

Felipe Lopez tried to get the offense kickstarted in the first, reaching on a walk. After Ojeda struck out, Lopez stole second, then geared up and stole third as well. But Upton and Reynolds struck out behind him to waste the early threat. Peavy's strikeouts would become a theme in this game; it was clear from the start that he had his really good stuff tonight, and our K-prone lineup was more than happy to oblige him on breaking pitches out of the zone.

On the other side, Jon Garland was dancing through the landmines in Doug Davis fashion -- between letting runners on and having them advance because of defensive errors, the Padres had a few early chances of their own. In the first, Hairston reached with two outs and stole second, making it to third when Montero's throw was off target. Gonzalez walked, but Gerut grounded out to get Garland out of the jam. In the second, Kouzmanoff reached on a Reynolds error and moved to second, but Garland eventually got Peavy to ground into a double play.

The teams traded relatively uneventful zeroes in the third and fourth. Peavy continued to strike out Diamondbacks, and Garland posted two easy innings. In the fifth, Garland flashed his best Houdini skills. Blanco led off with a single. With one out, Peavy tried to lay down a sac bunt, but it was too close to home plate. Montero reacted quickly and made the correct call to try for the lead runner at second, but the throw pulled Ojeda off the bag and both runners were safe (although looking at the replay, it appeared he may have still gotten back before Peavy actually touched second, since Blanco appeared to be sliding to break up the double play -- the umpire was probably blocked from having any angle anyway). Giles hit a grounder to Whitesell, who also gave Augie trouble at second (again, it was an arguable call not to award the out, but a throw on-target would have eliminated any doubt), and the bases were loaded with still just one out thanks to the Dbacks' fourth error in less than five innings. But Justin Upton, the slayer of demons, the master of disaster, collected David Eckstein's flyout and gunned down Blanco at the plate with an absolutely perfect throw for a huge double play, and the game remained scoreless.

Perhaps energized by the play, the offense finally put something on the scoreboard. Ojeda drew a walk with one out, and Upton, the thrilla from manilla, the Ayatollah of rock and rollah, followed with a homer to straightaway center -- coming in Petco, it was certainly a no-doubter. Reynolds and Whitesell both reached behind him, but Jackson and Montero were unable to add any further damage. Still, considering the situation the Padres had with one out in the fifth, the Diamondbacks having a 2-0 lead after the top of the sixth had to be considered a huge success.

Nearing the 100-pitch mark in the seventh, Garland danced out of one more tight spot before calling it a very successful night. Blanco walked with one out, and Rodriguez singled behind him. But Gonzalez pinch hit for Peavy and grounded into a double play, preserving the lead.

Upton came up in the top half of the eighth not needing to prove anything else -- he'd been the difference maker on both sides of the field already. But he smacked another homer anyway, completing the first multi-HR game of his career, and made it a 3-0 game. Again, Reynolds and Whitesell reached behind him, but the Diamondbacks were unable to do anything with runners in scoring position (the win only served to hide those continued struggles -- 0 for 7 in tonight's game).

Peña came in for his usual spot in the eighth and worked a solid inning, retiring the side in order. After a quiet top of the ninth, Qualls came in to lock down the save for the seventh time this season -- but not without a few minor heart attacks first. Gonzalez and Gerut both singled to lead off the inning, and Qualls plunked Kouzmanoff to load the bases with nobody out, bringing the winning run to the plate. But he got Blanco to ground into a double play, conceding the score for two huge outs, and after a Rodriguez walk, struck out Chase Headley to end the game and snap the losing streak. Party hats all around and all that jazz.

Master of his Domain: Jon Garland, +39.4%
Honorable Mention: Justin Upton, +26.7%
God-Emperor of Suck: Eric Byrnes, -6.8%

Upton's contributions go without mention: he extended his hitting streak to 13 games, over which time he has 6 HRs and 13 RBIs, raising his average from .167 to .284 in the process. Whitesell's first game up didn't include any hits, but he did draw two walks. Lopez reached twice on a hit and a walk in addition to the two stolen bases, and Reynolds had a couple of hits. Largely lost in the excitement were Conor Jackson and Eric Byrnes each going 0 for 4, extending their streak of futility. On the mound, Garland ended with a very respectable line: 7 IP, 3 H, 0 ER, 3 BB, 2 K. We'll take that every time out, Jon. For the Padres, Peavy struck out 12 but was rewarded with zero run support for the second start in a row. Gonzalez, Blanco and Rodriguez each reached base more than once.

Great turnout in the GameDay Thread: Almost 900 comments, the tone of which considerably (and understandably) picked up around the fifth or so. Not surprisingly, kishi (187), Skins (165) and Pyromnc (139) set the pace. Present and accounted for were: Wimb, DbacksSkins, kishi, Jim McLennan, ASUJon, snakecharmer, luckycc, 4 Corners Fan, TwinnerA, Azreous, LucaMaz3, Pyromnc, Snake Bitten, Sprankton, AJforAZ, Diamondhacks, IHateSouthBend, Tooch27, Moozazan, AF DBacks Fanatic, Tim Weiss, IndyDBack, dbacksbj, hotclaws, bcloirao, sergey606, J Up and paqs.

Game two of this little two-game jaunt tomorrow features the magnificent Dan Haren taking on Evil Chris Young in a matchup that should hopefully see us running wild whenever we get on base. A win would secure us in third place for the time being -- 8.5 games behind the Dodgers, sure, but you take what you can get at this point. Amazingly, opponents are hitting just .167 against Haren in his six starts, and it should be fun to watch him take the mound again. Stay tuned -- first pitch must be like 11 hours from now or something. I might just wake up by then.