Washington DC; land of KSK's writers, politicians, and monuments that look like giant penises. Image: via freedom.greatnet.us

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Word of warning: This post is a tad juvenille in humor and nature. So, if you are not interested in reading about dick jokes, Kissing Suzy Kolber, or images of a blogger masturbating on a horse, I suggest reading mgrex03's excellent stat breakdown instead. For everyone else...

One of my favorite writers at Kissing Suzy Kolber is Christmas Ape, aka Michael Tunison. Michael founded KSK and wrote a hilarious book called The Football Fan's Manifesto (nice gift idea for those of you with family and friends who like beer pong, strippers with fresh stitches in their face, and watching the classic flick Real Genius naked with a bowl of jello in their lap).

Over the years, Michael has systematically attacked and destroyed just about every sacred football tradition you could ever think of. Along the way, he also managed to get his ass fired from the Washington Post, after revealing to his then-employer that he was indeed the co-founder of the now-infamous KSK. Michael is funny, witty, and has an impressive talent for taking a giant, steaming, chunky crap on the things we all know and love.

And when he does this, we thank him for it because it makes us laugh our 400 pound, cheeseburger and Natty Light infused asses off.

Recently, Michael and I have had a little back and forth. He stupidly bought into the false story that the Colts piped in crowd noise against the Patriots in 2007 (I'm assuming Michael owes Ed Werder a favor, and the usual "Will you sit on my mustache?" payment Werder expects for such favors simply wasn't enough). I called him a schmuck because of the false claims, which has now grown into an affectionate term I apply to all writers on the Internet who talk football. Michael didn't like being called the term schmuck. So, he lashed out again, making a lot of funny but silly claims about the Colts 2008.

Then, just recently, Michael decided to create a new "character" in line with Drew Magary's hilarious Tommy from Quinzee satires. This new character is Derek from Muncie (I'd have suggested DeWayne, but Derek works). Derek is fat, lazy, self-important, self-righteous, and likes to hear himself talk.

I can only assume Michael modeled the character after himself, as all Pittsburgh Steelers fans seem to fit the bill of a "Derek from Muncie." The only difference is Derek doesn't seem to have a 12-inch yellow dildo vibrating pleasure device shoved up his anus, as most Steelers fans are known to have. But, we won't kill Michael too much if he doesn't model every great character after himself.

Anyway, the post was funny, and we here at Stampede Blue (per verbal "we," as shake n bake was too busy stealing Michael's old job at the Washington Post to care about what Michael has to say about Colts fans) decided to shoot back by playfully making infected dick jokes at the expense of Dan Snyder and taking shots at anyone who insults the great city of Indianapolis, especially when the insulting party hails from the hairy taint so often written about in the fine political blogs that litter the Internets: Washington DC.

DC just happens to be the home of Michael and Drew. This, of course, explains why they hate life, Jesus, authority, black people, and movies that do not have at least one close-up shot of Harvey Keitel's penis.

However, in our little "war of words" between KSK and Stampede Blue, I've always viewed it as tongue-in-cheek (or, perhaps so Michael can better visualize my meaning, tongue-in-Werder-Stash). KSK is funny. I am not. When KSK bashes my team, my favorite head coach, my QB, my mother, whatever... I use the opportunity to write articles that feature jokes about syphilis. It's my opportunity to write funny, even if I'm the only one laughing at my funny.

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More photos » by Darron Cummings - AP

24 days ago: Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning reacts after he threw the game-winning touchdown pass to Reggie Wayne during the fourth quarter of an NFL football game against the New England Patriots in Indianapolis, Sunday, Nov. 15, 2009. Indianapolis defeated the New England Patriots 35-34. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings)

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I'm a Colts blogger. So, naturally, I'm going to tell you that Peyton Manning is the 2009 NFL MVP. And while there is the rather annoying sentiment out there that "They could give it to Peyton every year," the truth of the matter is the MVP award often goes to the best player in the NFL who also happens to be making a playoff run. If the MVP goes to any other sort of player, it cheapens the award; makes it nothing more than a popularity contest on par with the Pro Bowl, American Idol, and a local bar's wet tee-shirt contest.

And when you look through the numbers, the wins, and the overall play of the candidates, there is absolutely no doubt that, right now, Peyton Manning is the league's Most Valuable Player.

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More photos » by Michael Conroy - AP

Indianapolis Colts quarterbacks Peyton Manning (left) and Jim Sorgi (right). (AP Photo/Michael Conroy)

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How a guy who never plays, never takes a single snap in a live game, could land on injured reserve sure beats the hell out of me. Alas, that is what longtime Colts back-up quarterback Jim Sorgi has done.

ESPN's Adam Shefter, via the wonderful web tool that is the bane of all instant information services, broke the news today that Sorgi has landed on IR. Replacing him on the active roster is Michael Toudouze, an offensive linemen who has been on and off the roster since he was drafted by the Colts in 2006.

Colts.com has confirmed the Sorgi to IR news.

With Sorgi gone for 2009, this means the only back-up currently on the active roster is rookie Curtis Painter out of Purdue. Unlike Sorgi, Painter has an arm, and can get the football down the field and into tight windows in coverage. But Painter is indeed a rookie, and if the Colts start to rest Manning prior to the playoffs, we will be seeing a lot of Painter, who is sure to make rookie mistakes throwing the football.

It's worth noting that last week the Colts worked out former Buffalo Bills quarterback J.P. Losman. This was likely done in anticipation of today's news. Since the Colts did not sign Losman after the workout, that should tell you what their general impressions of him were. The Colts also have rookie quarterback Drew Willy out of the University of Buffalo on the practice squad.

Tips to Bobzilla3 and Benewfa

More photos » by Tom Gannam - AP

about 1 month ago: Indianapolis Colts running back Donald Brown (31) runs with the ball during the second quarter of an NFL football game against the St. Louis Rams Sunday, Oct. 25, 2009, in St. Louis. The Colts won 42-6. (AP Photo/Tom Gannam)

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No updates as yet on the status of Donald Brown after he missed last Sunday's game with the chest injury. For those keeping score, Brown has suffered chest and shoulder injuries this season, forcing him to miss three games. He currently stands at 263 yards and two TDs. For a first round drafted running back, those numbers are not good.

Yes, he is averaging 4.5 yards a carry, but the potential knock on Brown coming into the NFL was that he would not be durable in this league. So far, that knock is holding true.

You all know that I personally have no patience with rookie running backs. They are either good right out of the gate, or they are trash. Running back is the easiest position to play in this league, and right now Donald Brown is not showing me why he was worth taking in the first round. Meanwhile, players like Kenny Britt, Hakeem Nicks, Pat Chung, Eben Britton, Rey Maualuga, Phil Loadholt, and even Beanie Wells are making significant contributions for their respective teams as rookies.

All were drafted after Brown.

We also have no update as yet on the status of Robert Mathis. Bill Polian made it clear that the injury was to Mathis' quad, not something more severe:

"Robert had a quad strain [Sunday] and we don't quite know the extent of it yet. He had some tests Monday. It's not a knee, so there's no need to worry about that."

Dwight Freeney suffered a pretty nasty quad injury earlier this year after the Cardinals win, but came back the very next week to play against the Seahawks. Will Mathis do the same? We shall see.

More photos » by AJ MAST - AP

2 months ago: Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Anthony Gonzalez is helped off the field after being injured in the first half of an NFL football game against the Jacksonville Jaguars, Sunday, Sept. 13, 2009, Indianapolis. The Colts won 14-12. (AP Photo/AJ Mast)

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On the Bill Polian Show last night, the big redhead gave us a few updates on the status of players, like injured wide receiver Anthony Gonzalez, who has not played since he suffered a a knee injury in Week One against the Jaguars. Per usual, John Oehser does the yeoman's work, picking out the important quotes from the show and transcribing them for us lazy bastards who would rather play Left 4 Dead 2 than listen to Bill talk about the "pragnosticators," the "pundits," and the "Pa-tree-ots." Love that Hard Rain campaign:

Gonzalez, who began the season as the Colts’ starting wide receiver opposite three-time Pro Bowl wide receiver Reggie Wayne, sustained a knee injury in that game. After having a setback, Gonzalez has yet to play, and Polian said the hope is still that he will return this season.

"Anthony is a bit behind schedule," Polian said Monday on his weekly radio show on Hank FM 97.1 in Indianapolis. "We thought perhaps that he might be back starting to practice this week, but as you know, he had a setback. He had to have some arthroscopic surgery to just tweak the knee a little bit. My hope is that we get a breakthrough here one of these weeks and that he’ll be back before the season is over.

"Part of the problem here – and it’s true with any injured player – is the doctors give you a prognosis, but it’s only that. It’s a prognosis. It’s an estimate. Players heal – and human beings heal – at different rates. Anthony’s just been a little slow coming around. But we know what the issue is and we know it will come around probably sooner rather than later and we’re hopeful it will be even quicker than that."

Here is what I do not want: A repeat of the Marvin Harrison situation in 2007. If Gonzo cannot play by Week Seventeen, he should be IRed. While I absolutely love Gonzo and think he is a very good football player, the fact of the matter is the Colts have not missed him. They currently have the #2 passing offense in football, averaging 309 yards a game with 8 yards per completion. Pierre Garçon and Austin Collie have developed very well, and a big reason for their quick development has been the unfortunate absence of Gonzo. Hank Baskett, signed after Gonzo went down, has also played well on special teams. 

While it seems Polian holds out hope that Gonzo will pull a Brandon Stokley, circa 2003, I am not holding my breath. If Gonzo comes back, then GREAT! I am as happy as a clam. However, if Gonzo is not playing in a live game by Week Seventeen, my sense is to IR him. Why have the distraction of "Will he? Won't he?" looming over the team as they enter the post-season, especially since Garçon and Collie have played so well.

Tip to Z.Pain

More photos » by Jeff Roberson - AP

about 1 month ago: Indianapolis Colts cornerback Melvin Bullitt (33) and teammate Jacob Lacey, right, celebrate after Lacey's interception and 35-yard run back for a touchdown during the third quarter of an NFL football game against the St. Louis Rams, Sunday, Oct. 25, 2009, in St. Louis. (AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

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Silly, silly Melvin Bullitt. You may be the best strong safety in the league that no one has heard of (11 solo tackles against the Titans last Sunday), but by telling the world your Madden 10 handle, you are opening yourself up to get your butt handed to you!

In case you don't read Bob Kravitz (and if you don't, God bless you), Melvin Bullitt recently confirmed that his win streak at Madden 10 came to a halt last week.

"I had my 13-game Madden winning streak broken last Tuesday," Bullitt admitted. "I was playing online. The guy I played was the Raiders. Thirteen straight, but now I'm going to start a new streak. Anybody wants a part of me, I'm 'wildbull33.' "

OK Colts fans, this means that if you play Madden 10, your new job is to go online and find wildbull33, challenge him to a game of Madden 10, and kick his rear end. When you do, post a screen shot of the final score in the FanPosts or the FanShots.

Tip to torontocoltsfan

Another day and another post where I promise not to bash and demean writers who (in my not-so-humble opinion) continue to write horrible articles slighting the currently undefeated Colts. Instead, you all get the Luke Links, where we comb the Internets for the finest articles that either praise, bash, or backhandedly compliment our beloved team.

• When Did Tom Brady Become Human? Well, if by "human" you mean he started throwing interceptions to lose ballgames, I'd say he became "human" at or around 2005. If it has taken you this long to figure out he's "human," then welcome to the reality-based community, pal!
• Gary Estwick, who was on our podcast last week, writes that Vince Young struggled to make the key throws in his team's loss to the Colts last Sunday. 
• Reggie Hayes seems to agree with Dwight Freeney: Going undefeated in the regular season is nice, but they don't hand you any trophies for it.

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Hello to the fine folks who frequent Mile High Report!

In case you don't know me, I'm BigBlueShoe, the head blogger over at Stampede Blue, which is a blog that covers the team your Broncos will face this Sunday, the Colts. As we've done all year, myself and several of my co-bloggers like to set up a FanPost on an upcoming opponent's fan blog so that we can answer any questions you might have about our Colts. Like you (and like John, Ted, and the rest of the MHR crew) we are fans, and we are naturally going to be a little biased towards out team. However, we'll do the best we can to give you a sense of what kind of Colts team this is, how they match-up with the Broncos, and why Raheem Brock is going to punk Darrell Reid. 

Gotta love Twitter trash talk.

You have a few former Colts on your team, and some of those players (Darrell Reid and Brandon Stokley) are still much beloved by Colts fans.

So, if you have questions, ask away. Either myself, shake n bake, or someone else from Stampede Blue will do their best to answer.

More photos » by Darron Cummings - AP

4 days ago: Indianapolis Colts head coach Jim Caldwell reacts following a touchdown by Indianapolis during the second quarter of an NFL football game against the Tennessee Titans in Indianapolis, Sunday, Dec. 6, 2009. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings)

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I'm not going to list articles and writers just to bash them for their stupidity on the subject of resting starters because, apparently, many of you out there are sick of me pointing a bright light on "bad journalism" topics. I'm also not going to go into any log diatribe on the silly, over-discussed topic of sitting or resting starters during meaningless games. This is all you need to know on the subject:

The press are going to absolutely LOVE Sean Payton and the Saints if they attempt to go for an undefeated regular season record, even if they lock up homefield weeks before the regular season ends.

Why? Because it gives them a story.

An undefeated regular season provides them something fun and tangible to write about. Of course, if during those meaningless games we see Drew Brees re-injure his shoulder (as he did in a meaningless game to close out the 2005 season when he was with the Chargers) or if Pierre Thomas blows out his ACL, then all this "love" the press are giving to the Saints will evaporate when a team like the Vikings or the Cardinals walk into the Super Dome and beat the Saints because they aren't healthy enough.

But hey, why worry about the future? Go for greatness now (aka, give us something to write about now, not in a month!).

Meanwhile, on the other side, the press will predictably boo and bemoan Jim Caldwell for resting starters because A) That's boring for them to report, and B) Because it makes the Colts' late season match-ups less exciting. Forget that in 2003 and 2004, the Colts rested players prior to the playoffs and went on to win playoff games in dominating fashion. The press and other media will claim that when the Colts rested starters in other years (2005 and 2007, specifically) they lost their first game in the playoffs to supposedly inferior teams. Left out of the discussion, conveniently, is the fact that in 2005 Tony Dungy's son hanged himself in late-December, creating a horrific distraction for the team just prior to the playoffs, likely contributing to their Division Round loss to the eventual world champion Pittsburgh Steelers. Also left out is the fact that in 2007, the Colts limped into the post-season without Dwight Freeney (gone for the year) and with a severely injured Robert Mathis, Marvin Harrison, and Raheem Brock.

Little details like these tend to get pushed aside by media who are simply wanting "a good story."

Bottom line here is the media will praise the team that tries to go undefeated and bash the one that looks to keep players fresh and healthy for a post-season run. The irony behind all of this is for all the bile the media has thrown at the NFL for their polices to keep players healthy in terms of concussions, they seem perfectly fine exposing healthy (or even injured) players to injury in meaningless games that affect nothing in the standings.

In the end, the teams that are the healthiest are usually the ones that make it to the Super Bowl, and playing important players in meaningless game is not a formula for keeping the team healthy come playoff time.