Here's a little Christmas thing I wrote but never finished since it wasn't going anywhere. Instead of letting it go to waste, I'm gonna post it here in the hopes that someone might find it entertaining.

 

---

 

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the coast,

The Kings were still sleeping, the Sharks choked on toast.

The players laid their sticks against the chimney with care,

Except Ryan Smyth, who just kept stroking his hair.

 

The fans were snuggling outside the rinks,

The weather was so cold that it shriveled their d*nks.

Inside, the coaches had to scramble and dash,

While George Parros combed his mustache.

 

Then suddenly on the ice there was a blood spatter,

And the players came out to see what was the matter.

Just when they thought the night couldn’t get longer,

They saw the hapless victim along with Chris Pronger.

 

“Did you miss me?” Pronger said with a stance,

As the Los Angeles Kings wetted their pants.

“Get out of this place,” the Ducks said with a stare.

The Sharks said nothing, as they don’t own a pair.

 

Finally Lupul came up and said to the man,

“I’m sorry in Philly, you can’t get a tan.

But your place isn’t here; you’re no longer a Duck,

And what you’re doing here, I don’t give a f**k.”

 

Pronger smiled. “It’s Christmas, didn’t you hear?

Hence my presence is really nothing to fear.

I’m only here to have fun and laugh and play,

Because it’s a magical time, this Christmas Day.”

 

Giving Lupul a playful punch to the arm,

Pronger went to prove that he meant no harm.

The three Pacific teams decided to have a good night,

Except for Parros and Shelley, who got in a fight.

 

When the night was all over and all was calmed down,

Jolly Saint Nick walked in with a frown.

“What’s this? What is Pronger doing here?

He’s been an extremely bad boy this year.”

 

Pronger came up and gave Nick a hard check.

It was so hard, he lacerated his neck.

“You’re lucky this time, it wasn’t a fist!

That’s what you get for putting me on the naughty list!”



(...I kinda gave up at this point.)

Some people might think I'm crazy for this (not that I'm denying that either) but I think tonight's loss to Atlanta is a good thing. It was frustrating and disappointing, for sure, but the biggest difference I've seen lately compared to the first three games of the season is... control.

When the Ducks started the season 0-3, a lot of people were ready to give up on the season. Besides the losses, I think the most concerning thing was HOW the Ducks lost. The Ducks were getting badly outshot, generating close to no chances, hanging Hiller out to dry, and so forth.

However, tonight's loss to Atlanta was different. The Ducks held a 2-goal lead for a while, outshot the Thrashers, generated chances and so on. Yes, they blew the lead. Yes, the calls didn't exactly go the Ducks' way. Yes, they lost in a shootout. But there was one thing that the team should take away from this -- they had control of the game, and they had control of the eventual outcome.

They were the ones who grabbed a lead and lost it. They controlled much of the play. Their downfall was their own fault. Those signs should be encouraging in the way that in a game like tonight's, the only people who can beat the Ducks are the Ducks themselves. They're no longer getting badly outshot and running up the PIMs, and seeing the game get out of hand and out of control.

The Ducks are now in control of their own destiny. Now it's just a matter of seeing what they do with that control.

It is a well known fact that a lot of sports franchises have demons of the past. The Sabres have the Brett Hull goal from the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals. The Sharks have their numerous playoff shortcomings. The Blackhawks had their long Cup drought before this year. The Leafs have their long streak without a Finals appearance. The list goes on.

And the Ducks' demon from the past? Well, that would be Paul Kariya.

The Ducks franchise has had its ups and downs. Some downs are easily forgotten despite being epic fails (such as the original third jerseys) and some others are glossed over by epic wins later (such as the 2003 Stanley Cup Finals loss). However, one demon that this franchise has never been able to shake off is Paul Kariya's departure and the long-lasting sour taste in everyone's mouths.

And now the demons of the past may come aknockin' as it appears possible that Kariya may make his return to the place that he hurt.

A lot of people, including me, have reservations about him coming back. But putting that aside, think of the things that COULD happen.

Let's take a short ride on the hot air balloon ride to Imaginationland for a second. (Apologies to Trey Parker and Matt Stone for borrowing their idea.)

Here are some scenarios that could happen. Note that some of these may be far-fetched, but this is Imaginationland.

1. Kariya comes back and becomes a bust (with or without team playoff success). If this happens, nobody would be surprised. His production level has gone downward in recent years. Assuming his contract is short-term, he can easily slip out quietly and nobody would really think much of it. This departure would be a lot more graceful than his previous one, and you can say, "At least he tried." In any case, a lot of the sour taste from his departure to Colorado would be erased, even if a lot of it remains.
2. Kariya comes back and plays well, but doesn't bring a Cup to Orange County. While disappointing, the idea of him rejuvenating his career with the Ducks would certainly make everyone feel a lot better since it would appear that his return has re-ignited the passion he had for the game. The lack of playoff success would be disappointing, but this scenario would certainly get a lot of people to like him again and it would ease the pain of the summer of 2003.
3. Kariya comes back and helps the Ducks win another Cup. This is the best case scenario. If he accomplishes this, then I think it would almost be more of a Cinderella story than 2003. Think about it. Hero nearly brings glory to the kingdom. Hero turns into a villain and leaves the kingdom to fend for itself. Kingdom survives and achieves glory. Kingdom falls from glory. Hero returns to kingdom, asks to repent, and brings glory back to the kingdom. If that isn't the ultimate fairy tale, I don't know what is. The debate about retiring his number would no longer be a debate, and almost all the sourness of his first departure would be forgotten.

In other words, despite how many of us feel about him and barring some ridiculously long-term and high-value contract, his return really has no downsides. Will I still have bad memories of the summer of 2003? Yes. Would him coming back help erase those bad memories? No matter what happens, it would appear so.

Try to bring him back, Bob Murray. I'd love to take my Paul Kariya poster out from storage (where it's been sitting for 7 years) and have it hang proudly in my room again.