Greetings, Beaver Nation!

Hey, I know that we've had our ups and downs.  We've had our bad times and our very good times!  But I'm sending this to you because we share something in common that is so vitally important: We are Beaver Believers and there is a simple matter of --ahem-- a ROSE BOWL at stake here this Saturday, people! 

Saturday is the most important Fall Saturday in Corvallis in at least two weeks.  It's bigger than any of the wins against USC, bigger than the 2000 Civil War, bigger than all of the  home games you've ever been to as a Beavers fan in the past 50 years! The Granddaddy of Them All is on the line and we are IN CONTROL of our fate!

Let's be perfectly clear: beating the team that only finished 5th in the Pac-10 each of the past two years really isn't really that big of a deal.  It's about the far more successful, more interesting, more prestigious Beavers winning--especially this year. 

After so many years of Oregon State consistently finishing ahead of them in the conference, so many years of having better and more talented players than them, so many years of beating them head to head, and so many years of listening to their unending whining and excuses for losing-- it's finally to the point that nobody in the country has any doubts about it. To anyone who can fog a mirror, it's quite obvious that the Beavers have the better program, better coach, and the best team. Nobody in their right mind would trade any of OSU's starting players for any of their starting players (especially the ones that they like to refer to as 'receivers').

We have had a good season of fan support and had a great fan effort against USC, but we need to show that we are the best fans once and for all. 

They want you to boo them, but that is far better than what they deserve.  They haven't won in our stadium for an entire generation so there's really not any reason to dislike them anymore.  They have a program that is not very far removed from going 37 consecutive years without being nationally ranked.  So they've already had one of their best years of all-time by achieving that this year. It will be a treat for their fans to travel to Las Vegas and sample some excellent buffet-style dining; they'll have a unique opportunity to watch their team set the record for most Las Vegas Bowl losses while also extending their Pac-10 record for most bowl losses and lowering their--already lowest--bowl winning percentage in the process.  It's a run of good luck that couldn't happen to nicer people. 

There is no need to give them the satisfaction of booing them.  This year, when that team enters the stadium, we will do something different.  Beaver Nation, we're all going to laugh at them! 

Like this:

1) "That Team" Enters Stadium

2) Stand up
3) Point
4) Laugh

5) Repeat after half time

It is beautiful and unique, but most of all, it is honest.  What football fan in this great nation doesn't laugh at them for their continual mockery of good taste already?


Turkey on Thursday, a far less delicious bird on Saturday!
-The Fun Czar

Saturday: kind of a big deal.

If you're like me, then you like to make signs at the Civil War.  They're fun, they're funny, they're a great way to meet people who don't like what you have to say.

Here's the signs that I made last year when the Civil War was in Autzen:

Tickets

To New Orleans?

I used that outside the stadium and met a lot of very unfriendly people that way.

Every

Season ducks

Plummet into

Nowhere

2007=no fluke

on the back: Complaints?  Text me! 541-000-0000! I put a duck friend's real phone number--he got over 150 incredibly rude calls and texts from incredibly rude ducks fans

Dixon Your Mouth?

Bernard Down Your Throat!

Didn't play?  Didn't matter!  Howard Croom was shocked when I told him about that sign a few weeks ago.

Leave your sign suggestions for Saturday in BOLD.

Look, I know that you watch all of the Beavers games because you want to see what a good team looks like and most of your favorite team's games aren't on television.  And that's kind of a double-edged sword for me in trying to get a feel for this game.  You see, having none of oregon's games on TV this year made it so I can't really gauge oregon's personnel--are your defensive backs actually on scholarships? 

Everyone knows that the oregon team isn't as deep or as talented as the Beavers--that's just a given.  That's why oregon never has as many All-Pac-10 players, rarely has players who lead statistical categories, can't make runs deep into the season, and always fade down the stretch--they simply don't have as much talent to be competitive in a long season like Oregon State. 

So I wanted to know your opinions, since you've all been watching the Beavers all year long, with your team's only hope of something great being the "chance" to upset Oregon State on the road for the first time in a generation.  If the ducks could pull that off, it would clearly be one of their best wins in a long, long time--a huge, partial dignity-restoring win for your program. Also, because none of us have really been able to watch your team, since no network wants to televise any of your games (I would have to consider that a blessing for all of us) we don't know a lot about it this year.  You run the wishbone, right?

Everyone says that tailback is oregon's best position this year, since you have that guy who ran for zero yards against USC and was able to repeat that at Cal.  Let's just say that Quizz doesn't play this Saturday and the Beavers have to play Ryan McCants at tailback--who was more highly recruited out of high school than any of oregon's tailbacks because he is bigger, stronger, and faster than them.  Heck, our 3rd string running back had 60 receiving yards in the last game, which is more than LaGarrette Blount has had all season, so tailback is clearly a position where the Beavers have an overwhelming advantage in depth and overall talent.

But when you go position-by-position on both sides of the ball, is there even one single player on the oregon team who could start for the Beavers?  Is there anyone on your 73rd ranked defense who deserves an upgrade in program status?  We already know that we wouldn't want to have any of your receivers who can't catch, or any of the defensive backs who our back up running back pulled away from and left in the dust for 42 yards up the middle with what can only be described as average speed last year.  Honestly, do you have anyone who deserves a new lease on life away from this state's long forgotten B-team?

We just want to know what you think, since we have no idea about any of your unheralded players and have not been able to watch your quirky, little team from the fog shrouded, moss ensconced backwaters of the muddy Willamette this year.  You're still in the Pac-10 though, or was that a conference play-in game when Boise State thumped you in the House of Allowed? 

Photo via what is generously referred to as the "University of" Oregon Athletic Department

Here's the story of how this photo came to be.

1954: A group of 50 to 60 Oregon students touched off Oregon State's homecoming bonfire in the middle of the night in Corvallis -- a traditional Civil War prank. But Oregon State students cornered 15 to 20 of the invaders and held them prisoner. Captive Oregon students had their heads shaved, were painted orange and black and some were forced to do housework at fraternities. One was led through campus bearing a sign that read: "I'm a dumb Duck."

-The Oregonian

I hope I'm not the only one who thinks that every part of that is awesome.

Hearing a lot of whispers out there by people excited by the thought of ESPN's College Football Gameday show coming to Corvallis or having the game moved from the Versus Network to ABC/ESPN. 

Well, it ain't happening this week.  And it really doesn't matter.

Television shows being broadcast from your stadium's parking lot can only be considered an accomplishment for teams that finish 5th in their conference, like uowned last year.

I'm glad that ducks fans had the chance to brag about being able to stand around in a parking lot and see the back of Kirk Herbstreit's head at 7am on a Saturday morning, but isn't the whole point of that show to seek salvation by staring into Kirk's dreamy eyes?

It was also nice for them to have the chance to be the only Gameday host site that has gotten into a fight with the person waving the WSU Cougar flag and they even broke the pole that the WSU Alumni send around the country. Such gracious, classy hosts--I'm glad they represent our state so well by getting into drunken, meth-inspired fights before 8am!

Even without the bonus of having their students gang up on and fight a WSU alumni, it was huge for their little small-timey program that still isn't out of the woods from their streak of going unranked for 37 consecutive years.  They really need to cling to these minor condolences, and why not let them have that one?  I mean, life-size versions of the people inside of the teevee were in their parking lot...broadcasting a teevee show! Like, OMG!! ...OMG!!

The Beavers don't need to host Gameday to be on Gameday--they've been featured on there the last 2 weeks and many several times in the past. Also, if you're out on the East Coast or whatever, it would be better to have the game on Versus--a national network, rather than being stranded in the wrong ABC region--wouldn't it?

Viewing the back of these heads while standing in a parking lot at 7am can only be considered an accomplishment when your town is known for high concentrations of: people who don't bathe, methamphetamine labs, vegetarian restaurants, and homeless youth ...as found in Eugene, OR. 

Well, it did not feel very fantastic when OSU spotted Arizona a starting quarterback and then a starting running back, but....guess what?  McCantsStopTheBeavers!  That's what.

How did you like that?

BIG GAME this weekend.  No, not Stanford vs. Cal, that's THE Big Game (aka the chance to send Uowned down to the Las Vegas Bowl to get creamed by BYU.  Again.)

I'm talking about OSU vs. Arizona.  It's big, it's huge, it's important.  You should definitely watch it.

Check out this awesome slide show preview.

I received a message from one of BTD's biggest fans letting us know that he was going to be down in Tucson when the team gets off the bus on Game Day.  He is friends with several players on the team and was hoping to get some ideas for a sign that he will hold up to give the team an inspirational message before they seal the deal against 'zona. 

What should it say? 

This is a video of Arizona's 3rd quarter explosion against Cal a month ago.  It's the main reason why everyone has been so afraid of Arizona this year.  I don't really have time to watch it or write anything interesting about it or Arizona Football in general, so I was kind of hoping that maybe someone could pitch in with a little insight?  Maybe some amateurish statistical analysis of how their season has been going?  Anything helps.  Thanks.

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Good Afternoon, my name is Sam.  I'll be your All-American punt returner today.  May I interest you in our 57 yard special?

Finally, I have a chance to sit down and compose some thoughts on the utter destruction of Cal.  Overall, it was a great day with many high points and only a few low points.  Cal was a good team, but ultimately could not rise to the challenge of going toe-to-toe with OSU's playmakers.  They had Jahvid Best trying to keep up with the exploits of James, Sammie, Quizz, and whomever was to inevitably intercept Kevin Riley.  It wasn't really a fair matchup. 

First of all, a hearty hip-hip-hooray to our two Pac-10 Players of the Week: Ocho Loco and Stephen "Tonga Power" Paea.  The Ocho had a scorching, rocket-powered kick return score as well as a sprint, then skip to a stop, then scamper again rushing touchdown on the flysweep.  2 scores, 50 receiving yards, 20 or so out of the backfield--versatility, baby!  He almost scored on a pass reception as well, but that would have been overkill and James Rodgers is a man of mercy. 

Ocho Loco shows mercy by coasting at the goalline.  via Thomas Boyd of The Oregonian

However, Tonga Power was not so kind.  Stephen was snapping heads and putting on a bull rushing clinic all afternoon.  He decided that it wasn't good enough to simply dominate Cal's All-American center, Alex Mack.  No, Stephen thought it would be better if he could defeat Alex Mack aided by a double-teaming guard as well.  And when Stephen decides that he's going to collapse your pass protection, well that's what's going to happen.  Pads were popping, offensive linemen were getting blown off the ball, bodies were flying, and Mr. Paea was making soup up in their kitchen all day long.  6 tackles, 2 tackles for loss, and this fabulous sack...no, not that one.

Tonga Power teacups another defenseless quarterback!  via Thomas Boyd of The Oregonian

It was kind of a weird game, a bit of a slugfest punctuated by huge returns by Jahvid Best of Cal, and James Rodgers, Sammie Stroughter, and Keenan Lewis of the Team That Knows What The Hell It's Doing Wearing Black. 

Against the Beavers overwhelming defensive pressure the Golden Bears were essentially incapable of sustaining any kind of offensive output.  There was a garbage trick wide receiver pass play that reminded us of all the crap Tedford used to pull back when he was in Eugene and forced to compensate for the ducks' lack of talent, and also a nifty outside run by Best when the team lost contain, and that was basically the whole day for Cal.  No, literally--apart from those 2 plays, the Bears gained 132 yards from scrimmage.  The Bears were unable to establish any kind of consistent interior running game, and their draw plays weren't enough to overcome the damage of failing to block the stifling pass rush.  Under that kind of pressure, the offense simply caved.  Cal was able to run only 57 offensive plays all game and they gained only 1 yard in the 4th quarter.

The teams traded punches in the first half, then Quizz was Quizz and the Beavs were advancing the ball at-will in the second while turning the screws on defense.  As Ted Miller put it, "the Beavers made a 6 point lead feel like 60."  And that is the beauty of being a Beavers fan.  80 yards is a long way to go against this defense.

Wait, I said grill the Bears, not Bear Grylls!   -Discovery Channel

With all respect to the Cal Football Team and its cheerful, good-humored fans, Zack Follett is the biggest crybaby in the universe not named Mike Bellotti.  He was whining after the game to anyone who would listen, saying that he was being held by Tavita Thompson.  This doesn't even make any sense because Tavita is 6'6" and about 75 pounds heavier while having just as quick of a first step as Follett or anyone not named Orange Jesus--Tavita doesn't need to hold anyone.  Zack, sorry bro, they're called rules.  You're just deflecting blame away from your poor performance and multiple personal fouls.  As a dime-a-dozen linebacker, you aren't going to get away with hitting an All-American out of bounds.  Deal with it, little buddy.    Zack Follett prepares to deliver his first personal foul.  Do you see #25 on the ground there?  Quizz was actually the one who blocked him to his location out of bounds--from somewhere outside of the picture!!!!  via Thomas Boyd of The Oregonian

I thoroughly enjoyed watching Sammie Stroughter DEE-HEE-STROY Follett on the very next play after Zack had hit Sammie out of bounds.   It was a bloodthirsty crackback applied on James Rodgers' flysweep touchdown.  Follett's head whipped back and his feet were hanging in the air as his limp, lifeless body floated momentarily before crashing to the ground.  I guarantee that it only felt like running through one of those big pieces of paper at a high school football game for Sammie.  I further guarantee that Follett is still feeling it 3 days later.  It's been fun watching Sammie get the best of every team's top defensive player this season, especially when it's a poor sport like Zack Follett.

How incredibly ROCKING was Reser on the back to back interception returns at the end of the game?  Even though the first one was called back on a false start, karma proved that it was the correct result.  Keenan Lewis was all business on his pick.  It was textbook.  He caught it, lined up a couple blockers, then shed a comical attempt at an arm tackle by Jahvid Best.  He didn't even need to look away from the endzone while he was brushing him off.

Brandon Hardin had a great hit on Cal's punt returner, but he also appeared to be out of his lane on Cal's long opening kickoff return.  It will be fun to see if he's a starting corner next year, if they don't switch him to defensive end first.  He's huge.

Kevin Riley deserves credit for only throwing one interception.  Under that much duress, it could have easily been 4-5  picks.

Lyle had a poor showing in the stat column, in some ways it was the worst start of his career, but he played effectively and converted a lot of 3rd downs.  Going one turnover or less is really all we need out of our quarterback position to win just about every game.  Everything else that Lyle usually does is just a bonus.  He was playing sick, with a coughdrop in his mouth so that he could be heard on the field--and he's still hoarse in interviews three days later. 

After a noodle-armed early interception, he resisted making very many risky throws.  I think Lyle really reined it in and waited to find the relatively few holes presented on some of the crossing patterns we had to run when Cal mostly dropped 8 players into a very tightly spaced, shallow zone coverage.  From where I was sitting, you had to admire the uniform spacing Cal had down the field.  They were very disciplined, with good alignments and equal spacing all over--it really reminded me of all the synchronized karate guys at the Opening Ceremonies in Beijing this summer.  If you didn't see that on TV, you can probably find it on youtube.  That was definitely the best pass defense we've seen this season.  

My one sour note for the game: "black outs" are stupid.  Half-(lawyers) blackouts are really, really, really, ridiculously stupid.  Did anyone see the Georgia game earlier in the year?  It looked like 85,000 empty seats.  It looks even worse in Reser, especially when you can't get your act together.  NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN.  You're making a mockery of ORANGE.  We've worked a long, long time to get people to wear orange at games and we still have a LOOONG way to go until we have 100% compliance.  Recruits LOVE an Orange crowd.  They LOVE it.  People watching Beavers games across the country respect it.  They're AMAZED by Orange.  When fans see it on television they literally wonder aloud, "is it really that Orange in Reser Stadium?"  The best that Reser Stadium has ever looked was during the USC game this year.  Why?  Because of Orange.  Wear Orange.  Be Orange.  Let us never speak of this blackout again. OVERWHELMING ORANGE FOREVER.

Now, I will leave you with the eternal brilliance of James Rodgers:

In the 8th century, Charlemagne declared that 240 pennies should be minted from a pound of silver.

In the 21st century, CV3000 declared that you should stick a few pennies in a plastic bottle and shake it like a Polaroid picture so the ducks can't hear their own excuses.  It was 112 decibels on the field during the USC game, but I think it can be even louder with a little old fashioned Beaver ingenuity. 

All it would take is for 1-2 fraternities or sororities to get organized and make sure that there are several hundred of these in the student section.  Get to work!

For just pennies a day, you can deafen a bear.

1) Insert pennies.  2) Shake Vigorously 3) Beat Cal

If you're anything like me, then you've seen and heard a lot of different opinions about football defensive strategy over the years.  Cover 1, Cover 2, Cover 3, Blitz, Nickel, Dime, Dog, Man, Zone, Twist, Stunt, Slide, Bump and Run are just a few of the many terms that defensive coaches use to describe their techniques for dealing with opposing teams' offenses. 

However, this week I heard a new one.  Indeed, I heard about The Cage.  Have you not heard about The Cage, my friends?

Can you resist the luxurious chest hair, dreamy eyes and implausible Oscar winning acting of DeWayne Walker's The Cage?  via hitdawall.files.wordpress.com

Yes, according to the Los Angeles Times DeWayne Walker's strategy for "containing" Quizz  was to spring The Cage on The Orange Jesus during the Beavers game at the Rose Bowl today. 

Defensive coordinator DeWayne Walker says his front seven needs to build a cage. Each defender represents a section of the fence, assigned to a particular gap. Each must hold his ground, control that gap, and not just chase the ball.

So far, this is like a really obvious metaphor for a fence.

"We can't let him out of the cage," Walker said of Rodgers. "You give him any creases, man, he's going to find those creases."

"Quizz Rodgers: finds enough creases to make an *origami Beaver."   via news.cnet.com

After practice on a recent evening, tackle Brigham Harwell demonstrated the necessary technique.

At the snap, he engages the blocker head-on and hopefully pushes a yard or two into the backfield. If he leans to peak around his man, Rodgers might fly past on the other side. So he must wait and rely on peripheral vision to catch a glimpse of the tailback flashing by to the left or right.

Who knows, maybe it could have worked?  But it just sounds like they're going to defend every running down like you do when you're rushing the passer, but actually expecting to defend against a draw.  Had DeWayne seen any film on what Quizz can do when all the gaps are closed?  Doesn't it seem like that's exactly what Quizz would want; an entire defense just standing around and waiting for him to juke all 11 of them?  OH NO!  Not the Briar Patch!  It didn't seem to matter.     

"It happens so quickly," Harwell said. "Off the ball. One-two. When he commits, you try to rip off the block and make the tackle."

"UCLA's defensive strategy involves a little one-two, one-two with a pair of skilled dancing bears like this."

That was DeWayne Walker's strategy for today in a nutshell.  140 yards on the ground, 8 more through the air; we're not saying it didn't work, but--it didn't exactly work.  Will anyone--ever--be able to contain Quizz?

"Quizz, WAIT!  Why are you running away from The Cage?  Was it something The Cage said?  Can't we work this out?"  via hitdawall.files.wordpress.com

*By the way, the origami Beaver was made out of a single sheet of paper--even including the tail!

"The art, the science, and the soul ...of looking like douchebags." via blog.oregonlive.com

Todd Van Horne, the creative director for Sport and Innovation for Nike Apparel, has been closely involved in the design process of UO uniforms over the past 10 years. He said the six baseball uniforms represent "the art, the science and the soul."

"The early math on it is 146 different combinations," said Joe Giansante, UO senior associate athletic director.

-Jeff Smith, The Oregonian

CV3000 is a pretty cool dude with excellent taste in football.  Read along as he gives expert advice in response to your burning football questions.

Dear CV3000,

I was looking at some statistics at cfbstats.com, and I noticed some very interesting things about UCLA:

-their quarterback passes for only about 15 yards a game less than the top quarterbacks in the conference, but he's upside down in turnovers to touchdowns ratio.  Also, he can make plays with his feet--despite getting sacked the most of any quarterback in the conference, he's one of the few quarterbacks with a positive rushing total.

-they have the 2nd most productive receiving tight end in the conference

-they don't really have any running game; their top 2 rushers combine for only about
65 yards a game and have no significant receiving stats

-they have only broken 100 team rushing yards 3 times and the only game that UCLA has won when they broke 100 team rushing yards was against Washington State?!?!

-their defense has given up almost 5 yards per rush to every team besides Washington State!

-the only games where UCLA has won the turnover battle were against Stanford and Washington State

Given these stats, what do you think about UCLA, and what will the Beavers strategy be this Saturday?

-Is There a Storm a Bruin?

Can UCLA get struck by lighting this weekend against the Beavers?

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I'll be in Bend this Saturday on business.

Will there be a party of Beavers somewhere?  Is there a bar that has the Direct TV Fox Sports package so I won't have to burn my retinas out for the first half hour of the game while Fox Sports Northwest shows Stanford demolishing the ducks?

Where is the best place to watch the Beavers in Bend?  I need to know these things.

Every OSU game has been televised this year, and most of them nationally so.  That's pretty cool, obviously, but where are the good signs?

Plenty of enthusiasm, but where's the signs??  via i.cdn.turner.com

What is your best sign idea for this Saturday's game on FSN against ASU?

Another week, another Pac-10 foe to dominate.  We got together with C.W. of House of Sparky fame for his take on just how badly The Beavers are going to crush ASU this Saturday.

In an uncharacteristic display of mercy, CV3000 saves this Sun Devils fan from having to watch his team for the rest of the season.  via farm1.static.flickr.com

1. Do you think the Devils have any chance of winning in Reser?

Only, in Reser, it's way Oranger.  via babypoobarellah.files.wordpress.com

Continue reading our condescending interview...

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From the Desk of the Fun Czar: Comrades, it is the most glorious of days/nights.

It is the dawning of a new age of Orange Enlightenment! BuildingTheDam neeeeeeeds your help, comrade.

Robinson/Wagner; Change you can believe in, comrade!

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Normally it's hard to get too worked up about verbal commitments from high school kids when signing day is 4 months away, but...hey, what the heck?  When you get two super awesome verbals in one weekend it's pretty fun.

Who are these prodigal athletes with obvious good taste in football programs?

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