BSD - Bumped. Cuz, like, duh...

Edit: The file can be downloaded here. Double edit: I forgot to re-randomize Okla St.'s RNvariable after testing something.  Just copy and paste one of the random number generators in cell P12.

The regular season is done.  Penn State stands at 10-2 and is the college football equivalent of a "bubble team."  Three questions remain:

1) What are the chances of us going to a BCS game?

2) Who are our likely opponents?  Who do we have no shot of playing?

3) Who do we hate?

Ladies and gents, I present The Chart of Answers:

The chart in all of its excel precedent/dependent glory. It looks like a plate of hurl.

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[Hate or go home, kids. - RUTS]

Here it is: the Big One to the Buckeyes/Wolverines Big Two, the most earth-shaking of rivalries, the one that makes the movie "2012" look like a Sunday evening cake walk, the bloody series that puts the "iv" in "rivalry".  IT’S LAND GRANT TROPHY WEEK!  The regular season hate reaches its apex now, where the storied rivalry between these two schools descends into a maelstrom of pain, passion, and anger.  Hate Week Michigan State never ends!

The Breakdown:

WHO

Is Sparty grabbing the statues... uh??? Hmm. So help me, I don’t know where the other hand is about to go, but I’m guessing it’s some sort of "Sword and the Stone" thing.

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So, it's a letdown.  Whatev'.  Whatever your gripes, I doubt few of you traveled a thousand miles to see only your second game at the Beav in the last five years, then watch a game where the best pressure put on a Buckeye was when the Lion chased around O$U's mascot with a nutcracker during a TV timeout.  Guess what? I'm dealing and so can you.  Moping is for Sundays and drinking is its cure.  I'm throwing a little pre-hate hate at people who think this "is over," whatever that means.  I see PSU football on the schedule on Saturday and I know it's one of only three times between now and September 2010 that they're playing.  Do you realize how far away September 2010 is from now?  We'll start buying flying cars and thinking spandex unitards are a socially acceptable fashion statement by then.

I don't care what it says about us as fans and I don't care about the schedule, because we absolutely, positively, MUST be happy with a 10-win season.  We're not delusional like Nebraska in 2003, we're not in denial like Notre Dame fans in 2009, and we're still not mentally challenged like Ohio State fans in everyplace.  We ARE the same fans that would have killed for a 10-win season just five years ago.  We ARE the same fans that care that our players are representing the University with class.  We ARE realizing that these kids are doing us proud and that 10 wins means two more beatdowns in the regular season.  We ARE Penn State and that means WE ARE HATE.  HATE WEEK INDIANA BEGINS NOW!

The Breakdown:

WHO

Fun fact: Lou Holtz and Benjamin Harrison have the same hair.  Probably from the same barber in South Bend.
Source: Indiana Department of Getting a Tourist in the State.

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It's hate week, it's real, and it's on now.

The Breakdown:

WHO

The Ohio State Way.
Source: Not the NCAA Committee on Infractions, apparently.

WHO: Ohio $tate University, or "The reason all of this Mainstream Media Hate on the Big Ten is Happening University."  This team's continued ability to NOT show up against teams with less than three losses has negated any and all of the rest of the Big Ten's success over the past four years.  So we didn't pull it out in the Rose Bowl last year, do you really think it would have changed anyone's perception of the conference since the Buckeyes lost to Texas?  This team may have fallen to third place in the Big Ten standings, but they are still the alpha dog in this fight.  Penn State, Michigan, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Miami, Notre Dame... all of these teams know what it's like to go through a some dark years.  Buckeye fans are nervous, they know their team isn't performing up to par, that they might be entering a period of uncertainty.  Every downturn starts with a double-whammy: a HORROR loss to a terrible team (Michigan v App State, Penn State v Toledo), and a demolishing loss to a top-rated squad.  They had the first shoe drop with the loss to Purdue, but they still lack that game, that 29-5 beatdown to USC that leaves you exposed and weak, that 39-7 beatdown to Oregon that shows Your Way is dated and on its way out.  Penn State has the skills to give them that soulcrushing loss that sends them bleary-eyed to Alamo Bowl, wondering what happened to their run to the championship.  It's time to give them what they deserve.

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[Bumped for copious amounts of hate.  NERRRRRRDS! - RUTS]

The Wolverines have been tossed.  It's time for fresh hate to be served.  Cold.

The Breakdown:

WHO

Look, even their zoo is pretentious
Source: Northwestern Elephant Wildcat Zoo.

WHO: Northwestern--America's ultimate directional school--is the last team in Penn State's vaunted October Illinois Swing(TM).  Northwestern is noted for a long-standing tradition of being in the upper echelon of player graduation rates, ethics, and fairness.  This largely explains why they could not compete in the Big Ten throughout the '70s and '80s.  The only thing the Big Ten schools at this time tended to copy was Northwestern's pretentiousness and snobbery.  It took rock-ribbed Penn Staters to set this whole damned conference straight again. You're welcome.

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BSD: Bumped from the Fanposts. Effort like this will get rewarded every time. I mean, c'mon, man...we're talkin' charts here. The rest of you need to step it up.

It’s one of the newest pastimes of Big Ten fans. We take every journalistic swipe about the weakness of the Big Ten and lash out at the stupidity of mainstream media.  We’ve re-hashed the commentary about the conference being unable to win The Big One: the non-conference losses, the postseason record in BCS games, and last years bowl game record.  The verdict is that sports writers are thinking simplistically, that they don’t understand the caliber of play in the Big Ten, and that the media is present highly generalized impressions of the conference without any supporting facts to back them up.

Still, there may be some merit in thinking simplistically.  What if we were to look at one statistical category, explore its implications on the conference, and then look at Penn State in particular?  Could be make some inferences as to where the media perception is coming from?  Furthermore, can we see if this perception of the Big Ten is warranted in 2009? 

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