It's Monday.  It's Michigan.  It's Hate Week.  Let's get right to it.

The Breakdown:

WHO

Nestled on the shores of Horr Island, Ann Arbor has proudly been the economic and cultural capital of Horr's for generations.  Ms. Veronica Corningstone's home on Horr Island shown for reference only (think Anchorman).

Source: Ann Arbor Chamber of Commerce.

WHO: The University of Michigan, commonly referred to as scUM, and commonly confused with Washtenaw Community College. Not to worry though, University of Michigan football players do get to transfer history credits from Washtenaw CC in such courses as the inexplicably punctuated "Beer: From Around the World" and "History of Eating."  Apparently the first session from "History of Eating" is titled "Pre-history: Finding the Correct Cavity." Avoid that one at all costs.  It does however explain why Forcier had that silver spoon shoved up his...nevermind.   Just like UM courses, football players don't need to attend any of the sessions--you'll still get the 3 credit hours.

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A quick mathematics exam.  The test is just for entertainment purposes, however Ohio State has indicated it will award 3 credit hours to any Buckeye football player who completes the test.

63-14

a) 39

b) 49

c) 1994

 

6-4

a) 2

b) 3

c) Agony

 

1968-1969

a) -1

b) 1

c) Unrecognized Perfection

 

0:00+0:02

a) 0:02

b) 0:00

c) F Michigan!

 

11+43+45

a) 90

b) 99

c) Domination

 

388-128-3

a) 257

b) 0.750

c) Greatness

Add your math problems below:

[Bump! Bump! Bump! -KHD]

Mass hysteria, passion bordering on panic, the measured clearing of the streets before the onset of a riot: it’s Monday, which means it’s the beginning of Minnesota Hate Week, people.  Unlike most Big Ten hates, we’ve been mutually circling this one on our calendar since 2006.  Three years of tireless excuses, of broken relationships, three years for the fervor to spill over and wash the Nittany Nation in Golden Gopher arrogance and conceit.  I ask you once again: Can You Feel the Hate?

The Breakdown:

Minnesota was once coached by this guy: Bernie "The Silver Fox of the Northland" Bierman. This is officially the most badass nickname for a coach in college football history, and no man has ever worn a bolo tie as well as "The Silver Fox of the Northland."  It has been all downhill for Minnesota since then.
Source: collegefootball.org

WHO: The University of Minnesota Golden Gophers come to town.  The Gophers have not been ranked all season, and have played one common opponent with PSU in the Syracuse Orange.  Greg Paulus Tech played well against Minnesota in the opening week of the season before flopping (see what I did there?) in overtime 23-20.  The Gophers come in after splitting games against Wisconsin and Purdue in back-to-back weeks.  This means the PSU coaching staff is poring over recent game film of the Gophers against squads PSU won’t play until 2011.  I think this is a very sneaky way for Goldie to WASTE OUR TIME reviewing extensive game film of Wisconsin and Purdue.

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[Holy crap, are you kidding me? Bumped for about 83 reasons. -- RUTS]

It's Monday, which marks the beginning of Eastern Illinois Hate Week.  Just to remind you: Eastern Illinois is venturing into Penn State and looking for an upset.  They see a PSU squad that lost to Iowa, only led Illinois by 4 at half, and think they can go Appalachian State on us.  They think they can walk into Happy Valley and pull a fast one on JoePa and the boyz, and put us on their Ohio Valley Conference mantel.  Can you feel the hate?

The Breakdown:

Approximate location of Eastern Illinois.
Source: National Geographic. Yeah.

WHO: Eastern Illinois--commonly referred to as "Indiana"--ventures into Penn State this Saturday. Eastern Illinois is (thanks Tim) the first ranked team that Penn State has faced this season.  The Sex Panthers are currently ranked #25 in the FCS polls after dropping their last game against the Eastern Kentucky NotHilltoppers--totally screwing our strength of schedule after this game.  As if they couldn't pull one out on Family Weekend against EKU? I guess the players were looking forward to "Unrepentant Spousal Affairs Weekend" later this season against UT-Martin.  One assumes that they are fighting this week to remain in the FCS Top 25, but no one cares.  Tennessee Tech got blasted 49-7 by Kansas State two weeks ago and still got a vote, so I don't even know if a loss to an FBS school even matters in their rankings.  Being an FCS squad is like being the Sun Belt Champion, who cares when you already have 3 non-con losses against BCS opposition?

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Sorry for the late notice.  The inaugual Bacon-Fest is this weekend right here in the home of pork BBQ: Kansas City.

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I ain't getting the money unless I see the stuff first.

From ESPN Big Ten blogger Adam Rittenberg in his Iowa "Best Case-Worst Case" Preview.

BEST CASE

The Hawkeyes pave the road in black and gold, the defensive line holds together and "Stanzi is the Manzi" T-shirts are worn all across the state.

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E-mail I just got from a friend concerning EA Sports NCAA10:

I just finished my first dynasty season (as Washington), and here was what Penn State did:   -11-2 (6-2), lost by less than 10 to Illinois and Ohio State, finishing behind both in the final standings.   -Beat Ole Miss 34-6 in the Citrus Bowl   -Graham Zug won the Heisman (im not kidding)     So, my question is:  would you sign up for this right now?

So, would you?