From Thirsty513.blogspot.com

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...

The Bengals now 2-4 are 3 games behind the division leading Steelers and have provided little hope that they can beat anybody. Marvin Lewis now has a losing record at the Bengal helm. While he clearly took us from the laughing stock of the NFL to mediocrity I am starting to think maybe it is time to move on. The fact that the Bengals just look so unorganzed has to reflect more poorly on the coaching staff than either the ownership or the players. With both the Bearcats and the Bengals struggling maybe it is time to turn out attention to the hardwood?

The Good...

The 3rd quarter is about the only bright spot in this dismal game. The Bengals were able to put up 22 points in about 5 minutes to get back into the game.

The Bad...

Where do we start? Pre snap penalties. Poor tackling. Recievers/QB on different page. #85 not finishing routes. Dropped balls. Nobody could cover Roddy White. Nobody could tackle Michael Turner.

The Ugly...

The Cedric Benson ghost fumble is as ugly as it gets. That fumble was so ugly it makes blind kids cry.

I won't be surprised to see this team win some games. There is too much talent on the field not to win, but the playoffs appear out of the question. According to playoffstatus.com the Bengals hold on to a 5% chance of making the playoffs. While the Steelers have an 85% chance and the Ravens a 64% chance. Maybe next year???

http://www.nfl.com/liveupdate/gamecenter/54953/ATL_Gamebook.pdf

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Football to me is more than a hobby, it is a religion. But about this time of year I get fired up. Not fired up in a good way, but my crack gets a bit chapped. Not because of the sport, but because of some of the fans. I went to the Bengals Eagles pre season game on Friday(Where the f were you?) and was once again reminded about my football fan pet peeves.

Let me start by confessing that one of my pet peeves is pet peeves. It is like man up! Nothing says I am a total sissyneck more than whining about some insignificant bothersome trait. Nevermind that they spend their entire paycheck to go to the game, but some fan behavior really irks me. My therapist thought it would be soothing for me to write about it in no particular order. All these things grind my gears equally, but different.

Grown men wearing jerseys: I know I am in the minority on this one, but...You are a grown man. You have made some good decisions in your life. I suspect you are a productive citizen. Why the hell are you idolizing a child who has done nothing in society other than run, jump, block and tackle? He is no better than you, just different. Sure he'll make in 4 years what will take you 25 years to make, but so what. He puts his panties on one leg at a time just like you. And god forbid if you have reproduced, what kind of example are you setting for your children? You are telling them "Look at that guy, he is better than me. Your dad idolizes 24 year old men in tight pants." Have some pride.

The use of the term "WE": "We won!", "We played well", "We need to get a backup quarterback". We didn't do shit! They did. Just because you root for a team doesn't make you part of the team. Unless you cash checks from YOUR team, its not YOUR team. It is THEIR team. Don't say WE. The team represents your city, but you are a fan only. Not part of the team. Just a fan. Subtle, but something you need to learn.

Face painters: I am with Elain on this one. I don't get this...



Wearing an irrelevant jersey: What is the deal? You wake up in the morning and you are getting ready to go to the Bengals v. Steelers game. You can't find anyting orange and/or black. Rather than do the responsible thing and just throw on a Hudy delight T shirt or your favorite band you dig out your Peyton Manning jersey. "I'm going to a football game, its the NFL so I should wear an NFL jersey...right?" Wrong! If I could I would confiscate your jersey, your tickets and your next paycheck for deficating on America's game.

Fantasy Football guy: Brandon Stokely catches a miracle out of mid air. The only guy in the stadium wearing orange and black who isn't on suicide watch smirks and says,"I started Stokely this week on my fantasy team." Seriously? You invest $80 in a ticket and drink another $100 of beer hoping your home town team can pull off a victory and you are ok with losing because you get those all important fantasy points that are sure to win you dozens in cash and prizes in December? Fantasy football is fun. I play. But at the same time it is for nerds. It is like an acceptable version of dungeons and dragons. Please don't put it on a pedestal above the actual real game.

Fan of random team: "I've always been a Cowboys fan!" Oh yeah? Why? Was it because you were born in Dallas? How about Texas? Did you go to school there? By some off chance did you play for the Cowboys in some alternate universe? If the answer to these questions are no than I can only surmise that you like the Cowboys because they were winning a bunch of Superbowls when you were growing up and you had no sense of community to stick with your home town team. Is that fair? You probably cheer for the Yankees and the Lakers too.

Super Coach: What about the guy in the stands who thinks out of the 60,000 screaming fans Marvin Lewis is going to listen to him and run the hook and lateral? Easy Super Coach. While all of us in section 156 are confident that your game plan is second to none it has been a long time, maybe never, since a fan was pulled out of the seats and coached his beloved team to the Superbowl. Might you suspect that after watching 40 hours of film this week the coaching staff might be better prepared for the game than you? What did you do to get ready? Other than paint your face and put on an old Howie Long jersey? Oh yeah...you played cornhole in the parking lot while drinking warm Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Let me know what grinds your gears. Take pics of guys wearing random jerseys or facepainters. Send to thirsty513@gmail.com

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T.O. a Bengal. My $.02

Let me start by saying I am a die hard Bengal fan. I'm a glass half full type fan, as opposed to these pukes at whodeyrevolution.com. Sometimes that has caused me to be fooled into believing, fooled into renewing my season tickets and all the pain that goes along with it. But I have to say I am glad I stuck with the Bengals. Last years playoff run and this offseason have been validation.

So yesterday the Bengals sign Terrell Owens. The same Owens who stomped on the star in Dallas. The same Owens who did sit ups in his driveway. The same Owens who allegedly attempted suicide. The same Owens who has been a cancer to every team he has been on. The same Owens who I often use to contrast Chad. Owens has been the evil clown of the NFL while Chad has been the fun clown.

Now 36, Owens appears a more humble version of his former self. After a dissapointing season in Buffalo last year he agreed to make 40% of what he earned last season to play in Cincinnati. How many people do you know who take a 60% pay cut to do what they love???? There have been a few NFLers who have done it. Robert Smith and Pat Tillman (he gave his life) come to mind. But the list is short. This to me demonstrates some level of maturity.

So is it a good signing? Well, the numbers are impressive: 1006 catches for almost 15,000 yards and 144 TDs. Compare that to Chad: 684 catches for about 10,000 yards and 62 TDs. Similar numbers when you consider that TO has played 14 seasons and Chad has only logged 9. The numbers say this guy can help the Bengals.

So what are the pundits saying? He is too old. He'll screw up the chemistry. He is taking a spot of a young reciever. There is only one ball to go around. All are valid questions, but...

He is too old...Have you seen this MFer with his shirt off? I don't know if he is doing that Cyrogenics shit you see in the SkyMall ad on the plane. Don't care. He may be 36, but he is in tip top shape and still gets it done. 829 yards and 5 TDs in Buffalo last year with a one armed gimp for a QB, no running game and the curse that is Buffalo upon him. Not bad #s under the circumstances.

He'll screw up the chemistry...Chad is enamored with him. That goes without saying. I think they are already looking for condos together and registering at Macy's. How about Carson gave him a vote? That counts for something right? How about Marvin and Mike felt comfortable with him? Their record doesn't lie. They have brought in "cancers" such as Tank, Larry Johnson, Matt Jones, Cedric Benson. They brought back Chris Henry. These guys didn't cause problems in the locker room, what makes you think TO will? Obviously there is some leadership in this organization now. It wasn't always the case, but the last few years don't lie.

He is taking a spot...Yep. For a guy who isn't as good as him. That is how you take a spot. Next question, douche.

There aren't enough balls to go around...Chad had his best years with TJ. Manning had Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark and Stokely and...do you get my point? Hopefully Chad, TO, Bryant (if he is healthy), Gresham et all will make each other better. Hopefully it will get the 8 guys the Jets sat in the box out of the box and open up some holes for Ced.

The bottom line is when you can get a guy like TO for peanuts you'd be a bad owner if you didn't sign his ass. If he steps out of line, cut him. The Bengals are showing they are committed to winning. Pacman and TO and the draft are signs that they are for real.

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The 10 (or so) sports figures Cincinnati would like to piss on!

Recently Forbes released their 10 most disliked sports figures. It was a weak list. vick was the most disliked. I'm not buying it. There was a lot of love for that guy in ATL and PHI when he quit killing puppies. #2 was Frodo, I mean Al Davis. Who hates Al outside of the Raider nation? Al Yankovich maybe.

So I thought I'd try my hand at the list with a Cincy slant...

10. Big Dawg: This fat bastard beat anorexia and gained fame in the greater Cleveland area. He would be higher on the list if he or his Browns were relevant. Luckily for us he is a heart attack waiting to happen and we won't have to see this tub o' goo for too long.


9. Lance McCalister: Lance is a goober. He has never worn a jock. He hasn't the slightest idea whether the ball is stuffed or pumped, whether it is pigskin or velvet. Listen to him babble for more than a half hour a week and you will develop gay tendencies.

8. Pittsburgh Fans: I understand that you are proud of your titles. I also understand that you have nothing else to be proud of. I also understand that you might be a little upset about when Begals fans come to town and bang all your guido girls, but lets face it. I (and every other dude from anywhere other than Pittsburgh) am two points higher in looks when I visit Pitt. If I am a 7 at home, I am a 9 in Pitt. Why? I don't know, but I'd start by checking the water. Your grossly disfigured tribe should be quarantined. You come here and start heckling us about your 6 pack of titles and all of that, but it is us who laughs last when you have to make the 4 hour drive home with a L knowing that you are going home to a shitty economy and a lifetime of Iron City.

7. Pujols: This guy dominats the NL Central, but our hatred for him stems from envy. There isn't a Reds fan who wouldn't bang Oprah for Pujols in a Reds jersey.

6. Joe Montana deserves a good pissing for engineering the game winning drive in SB XXII, but the real culprit is Lewis Billups. Hey #24 your hands are on backwards and now we are heading for a decade of futility. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJFOBI1cZaM

5. wHines Ward: I would put this guy in the same category as Pujols except for the fact that he looks a lot like the fat guy from 2 Live Crew and cries almost as much as Tiger woods. He does solid work on the field, but man he is a bitch. And by the way, the hit on Rivers was clean in my opinion.

4. Brian Kelly: He went from being on the "most loved list" to the "most hated list" just by jerking us around. I can't say I blame him for taking the loot, but just be honest. We should have known when he showed up with his car salesman haircut.

3. Mick Cronin: He has earned some hatred recently due to the Bearcats dissapointing play, but I hate him more for looking so much like Homer Simpson and for getting so much black ass. The real culprit here is probably Nancy Zimpher who ran Huggs out of town.

2. Big Ben Roethlisberger: He was a douche bag even when he was playing at Miami of Ohio. Now he is crashing motorcycles and mouth raping broads all while winning titles despite his inability to win the AFC North. Its frustrating to Bengals fans.

1. Mike Brown: This guy has a whole website devoted to being hated. whodeyrevolution.com has flown banners, made urinal mints and tried to initiate a grass roots coup of Mike Brown and Katie Brown Blackburn. Winning cures all. Give us a championship Mikey and I'll take you off the list.

I know, I know. You are all wondering where Raven's LB Ray Lewis is on this list. In my opinion he falls under the Pujols rule. We'd love to have him here. he goes about his business. Other than a pesky obstruction of justice charge way back when he has been a decent guy. The only reason you hate him is because he is good. He'd be #11 on my list.

Thanks for reading.

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According to playoffstatus.com the Bengals at 3-1 have a 60% chance to make the playoffs this season.  This website uses historical data to determine the odds of making it to the ever elusive postseason.  By contrast the Pittsburgh Steelers currently sitting at 2-2 have only a 36% chance of making the playoffs.  The Browns and Titans are gripping a miniscule 2% chance of moving on and their grasp is slipping away quickly.

I know that Bengals fans have been jaded by recent (the last two decades) history.  I know us fans have a king size chip on their shoulder since Stokely plucked that deflected miracle out of the sky.  I know it hasn't been pretty, but the bottom line is that the Bengals are 3-1 and that beats the alternative. 

The schedule gets tough now.  Right?  Well two out of their next 4 games are against the Baltimore Ravens.  The Ravens have one of the best Linebackers of all time.  The Ravens were in the AFC championship game last year.  The Ravens were #1 in the ESPN power rankings coming into the week, none of which bodes well for us Bengals fans... but "not so fast" my friend! 

In the Marvin Lewis era the Bengals are 7-5 (.580) against the Ravens while they have posted a .428 record against the rest of the league.  If we could take a mulligan on the 2008 season it would be 7-3!  When your a Bengals fan you have to look for any edge, because...because we rarely have any edge.  Maybe I'm still drunk from the state record effort I put in down at PBS two Sundays ago, but I want to believe in the Bengals. 

One other thought...The Bengals reported today that the Chicago game is sold out.  Hopefully the Houston game will sell out this week, but if...scratch that, when the Bengals win on Sunday a sell out against Houston is merely a formality.  But even if the Bengals were to lose to the 8.5 point favorite Ravens on Sunday they would still come home for their third home game with a winning record.  Under Marvin Lewis they have only come home for their third home game with a winning record twice (2005 and 2006).  If NOTHING ELSE, at least the Bengals have kept our interest level into mid October. 

Who Dey?  So far only the undefeated Denver Broncos...and it took a miracle to do so. 

Allright, now that it is for real...

What is your prediction for week 1 against the Broncos and what is your prediction for the season record?

I'm an eternal optimist, but I am trying to temper my enthusiasm for 2009, but I forsee a victory next Sunday and 9-10 wins on the season. 

One thing I find amusing...the whining from the fans who won't get to see the victory on the tube next Sunday.  Maybe you shouldn't have given up your season tickets so hastily?

A tie?  I had always heard a tie is like kissing your sister, but my sister is hot so I think it is more like giving your grandmother a bath.  Anyway...

The Bengals have consistently found a way not to win.  Yesterday's tie with the Eagles was encouraging for a team that is just playing to keep season ticket holders around next season.  The Bengals have been in every game late into the game with the exception of the Texans game. 

They are not that far off. Maybe the 8 inches between their ears is the difference between them and the Titans or the Giants.  The Bengals are hanging in their without their best offensive player (Palmer) and without their best defensive player (Rivers).  They have played a tough schedule.  Their opponents have an average of 6 wins a piece.  The Titans' opponents, for instance, have an average of 4 wins each. I believe they aren't that far off.  They can get this turned around, but it will take a change in attitude.

Keith Rivers better get used to saying that phrase because he will be eating his meals through a straw for a while.  I am a Bengals fan through and through, but I couldn't believe how many people went off the hook about the Hines Ward hit.  Everyone was saying it was dirty and unnecessary.  I want to set the record straight.  1.  It was a clean hit.  The head was in front.  It didn't draw a flag.  2.  It was necessary.  If you watch the replay Rivers was going in for the tackle.  I don't like the Steelers, but you have to like the way they play.  Physical to the whistle.  Disagree if you must.  Here is the link to highlight of the hit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXxc9OxIJyc

Several days after Cincy lost in what I thought would end up being that one game the Bengals win that you don't expect every year I am reminded to keep the faith.  The town is starting to shit on the best QB to ever don the stripes and everyone is pissing on the coach who brought them back from the depths of NFL depravity.  I admit Marvin is horrible in the press conferences and doesn't realize that he needs to be more salesman like Brian Kelly of UC.  Kelly gets it that he is selling a product.  Lewis knows the games are sold out and doesn't give a shit if asses warm the seats or not.  With that said Marvin is a good coach.  You don't get to be head coach or D coordinator ,or assistant to the assistant ball boy for that matter, in the NFL if you don't know what you are doing.  He is .500 lifetime in a .500 league and he has 13 more opportunities (maybe) to improve on that mark.  So as an eternal optimist I will tell you how I will get to say I told you so at the end of the year and get to keep my title as a Bengals fan.  I will keep the faith.  While you are bellyaching about not going for it on 4th down in NY and hurricane Ike's impact on the Ten game I am looking forward and I see wins.  So here is my game by game prediction. 

Browns at home.  We hear "I don't wanna work, I just wanna play on my drums all day..."  all day at PBS while the Bengals O gets untracked.  Bengals 31-10.  Record 1-3

Cowboys in Dallas.  While I am tempted to call this that one game the Bengals win that you don't expect, I'll refrain.  Boys are the best in the biz.  Cowboys 28-17.  Record 1-4. 

Jets in NY.  Favre throws 3 picks and the Bengals win 24-17.  Record 2-4.

Pitt at home.  Cincy wins one against Pitt this year, might as well be at home.  Bengals D gets 4 sacks and the hometown celebrates 27-21 victory.  Record 3-4

Texans at Houston.  Bengals dominate 35-14.  Record 4-4

Jacksonville at home.  Iffy game, injuries to Jags backfield and momentum helps Bengals to win tight one, 17-10.  Record 5-4.

Eagles at home.  The streak is snapped.  Bengals give up 5 sacks, lose big 35-10. 5-5 record. 

Steelers at Pitt.  Hangover from Philly, Steelers get healthy  beat bengals 21-20.   5-6. 

Bal at home.  Redemption song, 24-7 Bengals.  Record 6-6. 

At Indy.  This may be that win, but I hesitate.  Indy wins.  Record 6-7. 

Washington at home.  Bengals 21-10.  7-7.

At Cle.  Bengals sweep the Browns.  8-7.

KC at home.  Bengals 31-17.  Final record, 9-7. 

Baltimore finishes 8-8:  @ pit w, ten l, @ ind l, @ mia w, oak w, @ cle w, @ hou w, @nyg l, phi l, @ cin l, was w, pit l, @ dal l, jac l

Pittsburgh finishes 8-8:  bal l, @ jac l, @ cin l, nyg l, @ was w, ind l, sd w, cin w, @ ne w, dal l, @ bal w, @ ten l, cle w

It could happen.  Keep the faith...

I tune into 1530 today and hear Lance babbling.  This guy doesn't know if the ball is stuffed or pumped and annoints himself qualified to label Marvin Lewis a "hack".  Granted Sunday's loss to B'more was a joke.  Palmer had the worst game of his career while Falco (who prior to Sunday was best known for his hit song Amadeus) had his only game of his career.  The defense again showed America's youth football players how not to tackle.  All in all the Bengals showed the league how not to win a football game, all while B'more showed me how not to pre game. 

I had traveled to that shit hole of a town to enjoy the season opener.  I was shocked that the entire town smelled like a bum's nutsack until I walked out of my hotel and noticed that most of America's unemployed were in town for the opener too.  First I walked through the much ballyhooed Inner Harbor section of town.  The ESPN Zone wasn't opened until 11:30 (what???) and other watering holes had the energy of an insurance seminar.  We walked towards the stadium to get a drink and saw something you'd never find in the Nati at 10 am,  open parking spots in lots less than a 1/2 mile from the stadium.  We pressed on thinking we must be in the wrong spot, until we got to the Raven Walk which was the only sign of life in the whole town....and it wasn't much to speak of.  A few tents selling bbq and beer and playing...get this, Baggo.  Not Cornhole, but Baggo.  Playing Baggo is like shooting a BB gun after you've shot a Bazooka.  The worst part about playing Baggo is the 1999 court ruling stating that you have to call your dad to let him know you are gay (it is in the Geneva Convention, look it up).  B'more guy:  Come to Cincy. Set your alarm.  Splash some water on your face.  Walk down to Longworth's or to Lot D and watch a real town with real fans pregame like men, albeit for a mediocre team.  In a nutshell B'more is the worst NFL town I have ever traveled to. 

Back to my original point...The Bengals didn't look real good in what I felt was a must win game.  But, for Lance McCallister to call Marvin a hack is out of bounds.   Marvin Lewis has had success, however modest, in the NFL.  He has a ring.  He has been a D coordinator and somehow was qualified enough to earn the job as a head coach.  I know you are going to say, "yeah, but it was the Bengals who hired him, so it doesn't count."  Well as dumb as Mike Brown may be, he was smart enough not to hire you, me or Lance McCallister.  Until you, I or LM gets an interview I will assume that Marvin is more qualified.  I will assume he knows more about football.  I will also assume he knows more about what is going on with his team. Furthermore he coaches in a league where parity is king.  It has long been said that it is an 8-8 league.  Marv has managed to amass a 42-39 record during his first 5 seasons.  I have been disappointed with the Bengals over those years, but when I think back to the final game of 2002 when I was walking to the stadium.  Hundreds of fans had placed their tickets under a windshield wiper in disgust.  The Bengals were the worst team of the decade of the 90s and the early 2000s weren't shaping up too well either.  Lesson learned?  It could be worse, it was worse! 

I am not a Marvin fan.  He is condescending in his press conferences.  He has turned a blind eye while his high dollar thugs get all liqoured up and embarass an otherwise conservative town.  He has underachieved with a talented team.  With that said he cannot be called a hack.  A hack is a golfer who shoots 120.  A hack bowls a 98.  A hack goes 3-13.  Anyway...who is Lance?  Where is his blinding success?  He has had some success in his field, but he isn't Jim Rome or Dan Patrick.  He is in a small market, he does a reasonable job.  I would say by most standards Lance is 8-8 day in and day out, season in and season out.  There is nothing wrong with that.  He works hard.  Most of us in this world are 8-8.  What bothers me is that he perpetuates the front running personality our fans have become known for. 

As a town we have a great pre game atmosphere (for now).  We have a cool stadium.  We have some exciting players such as Carson and Chad, but the second things don't go right...as soon as the deck is stacked against us, we fold.  Look up Cubs fan, look up Browns fan, look up Celtics fan.  When are we going to believe in our team for more than one loss and let the team and the coach do what they do and, I promise, the team and coach will let you do what you do when you go to the office?  When?  Lance and most Cincy fans remind me of Bosko in All the Right Moves.  You throw trash on Coach's lawn just because his fullback fumbled trying to run out the clock?  I just hope if B'more guy does show up to see how a real town does it on game day it isn't too late.  What if we are 3-7 or 4-6 when B'more comes to town?  Are we going to be there to show them how to do it?  Or worse what if we aren't around to show B'more how to do it and us fans aren't around to show support for the Bengals and Mikey pulls an Art Modell on us?  I, for one, don't want to see those Mayflower trucks pulling onto 75.