Cat Smasher

  • joined Nov 24, 2008
  • last login Jan 15, 2013
  • posts 30
  • comments 199

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby**** and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group ofterrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

A Fan Of...

  • MLB Toronto Blue Jays
  • NBA Toronto Raptors
  • NFL Miami Dolphins
  • NHL Toronto Maple Leafs
  • NCAAF UCLA Bruins
  • NCAAB UCLA Bruins
  • MMA GSP, Chris Leben, Anderson Silva
  • Soccer Toronto FC
  • Tennis Chicks in skirts
  • General London Knights
  • Figure Skating lol wtf?
User Blog

JVR and Orr leave ice with injuries


Jvr and colton orr both limp off the ice to attend to injuries.

Burke comments on recent cuts


Audio, comments on Kadri, Hanson, Caputi, etc.

Darcy Tucker announces his retirement


After spending the whole summer anticipating I would play, it got to a point where I knew it was time.

Toskala headed for Sweden?


"Vesa Toskala looks set to take his, uh, puckstopping abilities to the Swedish Elite League. Multiple reports indicate Toskala, a one-time Leaf who was dealt to the Anaheim Ducks with Jason Blake for J.S. Giguere then finished the 2009-10 season with the Calgary Flames, will sign with Färjestad. says Färjestad needs an experienced goalie after Robin Rahm recently tested positive for a banned substance. Rahm is facing a two-year ban from hockey, forcing the Swedish team to search high and low for a replacement."

2009-10 Broad Street Bully Award: Best Enforcing Team


Truculence, Toronto needs your votes, as the site has been infested with Flyers fans :P Anaheim Philly Toronto St. Louis Tampa

Bob Probert dies


Former hard-nosed NHL winger Bob Probert has died after collapsing on a boat on Lake St. Clair Monday afternoon, Windsor media are reporting. Emergency crews performed CPR on the former Red Wings player on shore and transported the 45-year-old to Windsor Regional Hospital. The OPP would not confirm the victim was Probert, but the Probert family has called a press conference for 6 p.m. In Windsor.

Leafs call up Rosehill, Brent


Centre Tim Brent and left winger Jay Rosehill are expected to arrive in time for the third meeting of the season between the two rivals.

Orr’s bouts rated 18-plus


OTTAWA — As the Maple Leafs get younger, Colton Orr’s fight card will get longer. That’s usually the way it works for NHL enforcers, at least those who find themselves in the spot that Orr does with the rebuilding Leafs. With Toronto now the youngest team in the NHL, without the injured Mike Komisarek and with Garnet Exelby not guaranteed to be in the lineup every night, Orr will be getting overtime minutes on his policeman’s beat. Saturday, for example, there’s a much-anticipated rematch with Ottawa Senators nemesis Matt Carkner.


Leafs Recall Andre Deveaux

As per Darren Dreger on Leafs Lunch

Wendel Clark inspires junior Team Canada 2010


Wendel Clark inspires junior Team Canada 2010

The real Dany Heatley


The real Dany Heatley

Diagram of an NHL Hockey Rink Link...


Diagram of an NHL Hockey Rink Link for bigger picture.

Laraque vs Orr - It was even, then when the going got tough, Laraque went for the take down and...


Laraque vs Orr - It was even, then when the going got tough, Laraque went for the take down and bailed.

U.S. Hockey: We're Going Medieval


Mr. Burke doesn't want his opponents simply to lose. He wants their post-game soreness to remind them just how unpleasant losing was. Anyone searching for grace and artistry should tune in to figure skating.

Auction down to Balsillie, NHL


Third potential bidder for Phoenix Coyotes, Ice Edge LLC, ‘do not currently intend to participate' in Friday's auction The fight for the Phoenix Coyotes is down to Jim Balsillie and the NHL. In a court filing late Tuesday afternoon, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman said the third potential bidder, a group of Canadian and American businessmen known as Ice Edge LLC, told him they "do not currently intend to participate in the auction."

The Best and Worst fans of the NHL - Toronto #3


#3 - Toronto Maple Leafs - 16.0 Pct. of Capacity in 2008-09: 102.6% (19,312, 5th in the NHL) Online Presence: 6.0 Last Year's rank: 3rd Justification: The fans of Toronto have been waiting a long time for something to really cheer about. A team that has been near the league's basement has not made one dent in the organization's attendance speaks loudly to the incredible loyalty of the fanbase. Toronto fans keep Canada's airwaves full of chatter about even the team's most insignificant moves. Tickets to Air Canada Center are the most expensive in the league which further proves just how deep the fanaticism runs in Canada's largest city. The team has a fairly strong online fanbase with a host of blogs and message boards but its not nearly as large as one may expect for a team that has so many die hards to its credit. Maple Leaf fans are eager to see General Manager Brian Burke give them something to really get pumped about, and this season he's added quite a few fists so if the wins do not pile up the fights probably will. With a city bursting full of hockey fans, they're sure to like the sound of that! 1-10 11-20 21-30

NHL submits bid to buy Coyotes


""Today, the League filed its own bid to purchase the Phoenix Coyotes’ franchise out of bankruptcy in an effort to maximize the likelihood that the Club ultimately will be sold to an acceptable purchaser who is committed to operating the franchise in Glendale. "We remain supportive of the other efforts that have been and are being made to purchase and operate the Coyotes in Glendale, and we will continue to do everything we can to assist interested groups in those efforts leading up to the scheduled sale hearing on September 10, 2009 and thereafter, if the NHL is the winning bidder. "We believe this step was necessary at this time in order to best preserve and maximize the value of the Club asset for benefit of the Club’s creditors and for the community of Glendale."


Theo Fleury attempting comeback to NHL

Sources tell TSN Theoren Fleury is attempting a comeback and wants to play in the NHL again. After playing senior hockey last season, Fleury decided in February he was fit enough to give the NHL...

Coke Zero Fans First Contest


Enter here Here are the codes - you can enter them once a day for more points cokezero (metro) fansfirst (cineplex) zerocalories (pizza pizza) coketaste (burger king) 7JVW200WRK (east side mario's) coca-cola (mr. sub) Game is Sept. 16 vs Boston

Sens send Heatley to Oilers


It's official. "Sources tell Sportsnet that the Ottawa Senators have traded disgruntled all-star Dany Heatley to the Edmonton Oilers for Andrew Cogliano, Dustin Penner and Ladislav Smid."

Leafs Announce Prospect Camp Roster


"The Toronto Maple Leafs announced Tuesday that the team’s prospect camp will be held from July 5th to July 10th. The group consisting of two goaltenders, nine defencemen, and 14 forwards will congregate in Toronto to prepare for six days of activities. All seven of the Leafs’ 2009 draft choices, including Toronto’s first pick Nazem Kadri, will be in attendance."

Defenceman Jay Bouwmeester has agreed to terms with the Flames. Bouwmeester avoids unrestricted...


Defenceman Jay Bouwmeester has agreed to terms with the Flames. Bouwmeester avoids unrestricted free agency, agreeing to a 5 year deal worth $6.6 million per year against the salary cap.

Wade Belak: Q&A


A great interview, why did we trade him again? :(

No 'staged fight' rule


LAS VEGAS -- It appears the "staged fights" rule recommended by the NHL's 30 GMs will not see the light of day. The players discussed it at their meeting here this week and they recommended to their members on the competition committee to vote against it. The committee needs seven of 10 votes to pass a new rule and they won't get it if all five players vote no next Thursday when the group meets in Montreal. The union brought in a number of tough guys Wednesday and they shared their universal thumbs down on the "staged fights" rule proposition.


Martin Gerber to be placed on waivers

Well, have the Sens officially entered the tank or what? :) I think this should have happened long ago.


Islanders waive Godzilla (Mitch Fritz)

At 6'8, 260 pounds arguably, he's a beast, and can fight, good. Now this guy can't skate, maybe he can't pass or even shoot, he can on the other hand fight.  With Deveaux's wonky foot and lack of...


Gary Roberts Last Season

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