SBNation.com User Blog: CharmstheHarms

WrestleMania 29 Dream Card: Am I The Only One?

CharmstheHarms — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 14:36:48 -0000

Since last year when Brock Lesnar showed up on Raw to F5 John Cena the night after WrestleMania 28, I’ve had a headliner in my head for what the following Mania should have. And to my knowledge, nobody shares this vision with me. I’m so disappointed.

I’m not going to write out an epic booking explanation for this personal dream card, but I think it should be shared so that maybe (hopefully) others will relate to my pain once they realize this year’s potentially historical billing. In case I haven’t been clear enough: I am in no way suggesting this could happen, but that it should.

From top (Main Event) to bottom (show-opener):

[WrestleMania 29]

WWE Championship

CM Punk [c] w/ Chael Sonnen vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman

Explanation: Are you fucking kidding me?? We got CM Punk – the ‘Best in the World’ - and the ‘Master of the Brocktagon’ under the same roof, with Paul Heyman under contract as well, but this is on no one’s dream list? This books itself: WWE vs. UFC, but in a way more tasteful and smarter program than Cena’s attempt (duh). Look who’s involved. Look at the minds that’d be at work. You can have this be a simple, “let’s see whose better” or an all-out “fuck UFC!”-“No, fuck WWE!” feud. CM Punk can call upon his good buddy Sonnen to help him prepare to face one of MMA’s best-selling, most dominate guys, too, just for the ‘Celebrity Appearance’ Vince apparently requires for each Grand Daddy. And imagine the buzz it’d generate. Although this feud could happen, it’d very likely have to be without Sonnen due to contracts and stuff. Oh well, it’s an amazing thought in itself.

---------

World Heavyweight Championship

Dolph Ziggler[c] vs. The Rock

Explanation: In the red corner, we have Dolph “I know how to sell, mmmkay?” Ziggler. In the blue corner, from “I’ve been selling hilariously awesome long before anyone knew you”, he is: The Rock. But it doesn’t end at “who sells the best?” There’d be a legit story. See, if you read my ‘The Rock Knows His Role, But Do You?’ post, you’ll know how I feel about CM Punk vs. The Rock. I firmly believe Punk going over is best for business because it not only allows Punk to be a credible wrestler; it puts prestige back into the World title (which it sorely lacks). If Punk were to win, he could come out the next night and be all, “Rock, you thought you could waltz into the WWE on an Undertaker schedule and compete with the Best in the World? I’m in my prime, this is all I do. My win over you simply proves that this business doesn’t cater to old guys that want to hog spotlight from those who actually still give two damns about it.” Etc.

This can position Rocky to be in a dilemma of, “I made a promise to these fans to become WWE Champion.. and I failed.” So he begins to wrestle more often (since he’s booked a shit ton these next three months) and earns himself an entry in the Smackdown elimination chamber. Elsewhere, you could have Ziggler win the belt off Alberto cleanly or whatever. Anyway, Rock wins the elimination chamber and advances to WrestleMania. What happens in between is basic “put over the up-and-comer” by whatever means (I’m guessing in a UFC-hype sort of way that Rock demands from his opponents now, which is excellent because Ziggler can actually talk good shit) but end-game is with Ziggler going over clean. Why? So Ziggler can say, “You can’t have it both ways, Rock. You can’t hope to compete in the WWE and also make dozens of movies at the same time. It’s either one way or the other. You stay here with us full-time or get your ass back to Hollywood.”

And if it were up to me, I’d have the Rock choose Hollywood over the fans. After jobbing to both CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler, Rock disappears for a while only to resurface as a certain 2003 heel.

------

John Cena vs. The Undertaker

Explanation: Really, this is a no-brainer. Cena is the last dude who’d highly convince people into thinking Vince would actually job Taker to. Spoiler Alert: Cena would/will lose, even in real life booking.

------

Evolution (Triple H / Ric Flair / Randy Orton) vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns)

Explanation: Make it an unofficial match like in a street-fight capacity to sneak around Flair’s retirement angle. They’ve done it before.

--------

US & IC Unification

Antonio Cesaro vs. Wade Barrett

Explanation: Merge the two midcard belts so we can focus on one midcard guy to rule them all.

-------

WWE Tag Team Championship: Five-Way Dance

Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Team Hell No [c] vs. Prime Time Players vs. The Usos vs. Rhodes Scholars

Explanation: overbooking the tag titles but oh well, I used to enjoy the big tag matches at past WrestleManias.

-----

Money In The Bank

The Miz vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry vs. Sheamus vs. Christian vs. Ryback

Explanation: Gets the remaining ‘important’ dudes on the show. Plus, I suppose, gives MITB to Ryback.

----

Divas Championship

Kaitlyn [c] vs. AJ Lee

Explanation: It’d be the best option.

----------

Okay, I’m done playing fantasy booker.

From top (Main Event) to bottom (show-opener):

[WrestleMania 29]

WWE Championship

CM Punk [c] w/ Chael Sonnen vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman

---------

World Heavyweight Championship

Dolph Ziggler[c] vs. The Rock

And if it were up to me, I’d have the Rock choose Hollywood over the fans. After jobbing to both CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler, Rock disappears for a while only to resurface as a certain 2003 heel.

------

John Cena vs. The Undertaker

------

Evolution (Triple H / Ric Flair / Randy Orton) vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns)

Explanation: Make it an unofficial match like in a street-fight capacity to sneak around Flair’s retirement angle. They’ve done it before.

--------

US & IC Unification

Antonio Cesaro vs. Wade Barrett

Explanation: Merge the two midcard belts so we can focus on one midcard guy to rule them all.

-------

WWE Tag Team Championship: Five-Way Dance

Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Team Hell No [c] vs. Prime Time Players vs. The Usos vs. Rhodes Scholars

Explanation: overbooking the tag titles but oh well, I used to enjoy the big tag matches at past WrestleManias.

-----

Money In The Bank

The Miz vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry vs. Sheamus vs. Christian vs. Ryback

Explanation: Gets the remaining ‘important’ dudes on the show. Plus, I suppose, gives MITB to Ryback.

----

Divas Championship

Kaitlyn [c] vs. AJ Lee

Explanation: It’d be the best option.

----------

Okay, I’m done playing fantasy booker.

How Do We Market?: The Miz

CharmstheHarms — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 13:46:42 -0000

Even though most of WWE’s current roster feels bland and forgettable, we imaginers see much potential in guys who’ve yet to realize it. And so, they mean more to us than the average, casual fan, presumably. At the moment, the top three smark-popular darlings would be Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler and Dean Ambrose (CM Punk is disqualified for already being legitimately memorable and important), but Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro are close behind. Yet, at one point in time, many others on the roster once stole our hearts, albeit briefly for most.

So what happened? Why are guys such as The Miz no longer being backed by us, the Smarks? Haven’t moments like when Orton suffered a ‘Skull Crushing Finale’ to give Miz his first WWE Championship reign and prompt a small girl in attendance to react with a hilarious scowl ossified his ‘awesomeness’? How about Miz and John Morrison’s rap on Cryme Tyme? Maybe the ‘Dirt Sheet’ wasn’t quite the hit after all. Man, since we’re reminiscing, might as well mention the well-received program of MVP (Montel Vontavious Porter) versus you-guessed-it, where both blew minds with their ever-evolving promo skills. All this without mention of the ‘ugly little duck’ managed to hang with Rocky and John Cena during the buildup to WrestleMania 27.

Don’t believe me? Go back and watch the 3/28/11 edition of Raw’s closing segment. The audience ate it all up (zero sound bites necessary). Plus, Miz brought super believable aggression that intensified the inevitable brawl; guys like Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, etcetera, should take note.

Anyway, enough of refreshing your memories; let’s get down to the essence of this piece: theorizing on how the Miz can become mainstream-appealing. Not to (re)book him. Since we all agree – to whatever degree – Miz isn’t technically sound but capable of working a satisfactory match (few career-suicide botches aside), there’s no need to place him in dreamy (appalling fanboyism) scenarios and such. Besides, nobody can truly predict a successful angle when it comes to creating a superstar. So we go with the next best way: evaluating the pros and cons of his extension-of-self character.

We’ll start with his ring name: The Miz. Personally, I felt it came off lame at the mere utterance way back during his ‘host smackdown’ gig. I pictured this belonging to a backyard wannabe instead of a potential world-renowned grappler. Hell, the dude’s been referring to himself as this since his MTV ‘Real World’ dweeb days. WWE probably stuck it so he had back-story to play off of. Regardless, it’s the least of his troubles. In fact, he’s made it work (nearly six years of persistence can infect you); ‘how so?’ will be covered later on.

When it comes to appearance, his look during the 2010-11 WWE Championship reign is prominent: v-neck suit vests, a douchebag faux-hawk and general professionalism gave off that ‘guy-you-grew-up-with-who-was-a-laughable-loser-but-is-now-disgustingly-successful’ vibe not many heels have but should. The dude is so obnoxious on looks alone; it’s great how effortless it’d be for him to rile a fan up. He’s that guy who’d make us ‘regular guys’ ensure he never fucks our highschool dreamgirls, but after he somehow manages to, it cuts us deep. Some ‘Scotty Doesn’t Know’ stuff right there. Essentially, Miz is the closest stereotypical poser WWE has ever had. And he’d be a mighty heel, indeed.

“Hate Me Now” absolutely needs to become his theme song. I cannot fathom why they didn’t make the switch back at WrestleMania 27. Throw some money at Nas and whoever else required, because that song perfectly summarizes Miz while also packing a raw punch instead of his subpar Triple H-esque tune. Seriously, his ‘Mania hype video is still amazing today. I’d wager it being the only great moment of WrestleMania 27 (mhm - straight up dissing HHH vs. Taker, round 2).

On the topic of rawness, we have to dive into his personality, which is easily relatable. Here’s a guy who doesn’t only have the ability to be the guy we all loathe for trying too hard to be cool, the flip side is his understandable desire to rise above ‘the hate’ but in a spiteful approach compared to Jarn Cena. When the Miz scornfully mocked us, “You all were wrong! All of you! I made it!” & “I’d rather you all hate me for what I am than love me for something I’m not.” it’s that Scarface-overdose on ‘power’ a lot of us either find cool or once did. Admit it. When many people doubt/insult you for whatever, there’s this overwhelming urge to not just disprove them but also rub it in their faces; to show them they’re clueless and that success is the best revenge. And it works, because not only is Miz well-spoken, he has the voice to express his emotions fluently.

Now, I’ve shared my translation of the Miz, however, let’s breakdown the pros and cons of this view.

[Cons:]

Name – a ‘poor’ play on his birth name. It may factor into how serious people take him knowing he calls himself that. His real name - ‘Michael Mizanin’ – may be a better fit.

Appearance – Has a boyish haircut and makes obnoxious, shit-eating faces.

Theme – “I Came to Play” is a hard song to get behind. Nobody is getting pumped when it’s played. Though it could be considered catchy, but more in a “ugh” way.

Personality – Could be found petty, immature and a nuisance. So much so, people change the channel.

[Pros:]

Name – likely paying homage to The Rock, who Miz claims is an idol of his. Other than that, ‘Miz’ doesn’t have any meaning aside from slang on ‘miserable’, so it’s mostly a problem with the word’s sound. This can be overlooked.

Appearance – arguably enhances his irritable personality. As Gorgeous George said, “A lot of people will pay to see someone shut your mouth.”

Theme – Yeah, that Nas theme is ace. Make the change.

Personality – “Petty, immature, nuisance”? Those are good flaws for a character. I think categorizing Miz with Walter White, Kanye West and Vince McMahon in terms of aggression, revengefulness and shrewdness would get him a well-balanced reaction.

Where would Miz fit into the WWE? Is this the answer to how he can be the company’s poster boy? Not at all. That’s not the point of this. I believe trying to book someone in a way so that they become a certain image isn’t worthwhile since public perception is vast. All that’s needed is to establish a strong character, and then the people can decide for themselves. The Miz is one of the best assholes in the WWE – he’s so in your face about things, it’s a shame he’s not placed into the right scenarios where he can truly shine.

Of course, I’m unsure why he doesn't continue to perform at the level he did during the WWE Championship run. Maybe he’s disheartened? Politics keep the playa down? Or he’s out of ideas?

Nevertheless, my conclusion is the Miz should embrace his Anti-Haters persona because it’d give everyone what they want: the Heel version of John Cena.

Now, I’ve shared my translation of the Miz, however, let’s breakdown the pros and cons of this view.

[Cons:]

Name – a ‘poor’ play on his birth name. It may factor into how serious people take him knowing he calls himself that. His real name - ‘Michael Mizanin’ – may be a better fit.

Appearance – Has a boyish haircut and makes obnoxious, shit-eating faces.

Theme – “I Came to Play” is a hard song to get behind. Nobody is getting pumped when it’s played. Though it could be considered catchy, but more in a “ugh” way.

Personality – Could be found petty, immature and a nuisance. So much so, people change the channel.

[Pros:]

Appearance – arguably enhances his irritable personality. As Gorgeous George said, “A lot of people will pay to see someone shut your mouth.”

Theme – Yeah, that Nas theme is ace. Make the change.

Of course, I’m unsure why he doesn't continue to perform at the level he did during the WWE Championship run. Maybe he’s disheartened? Politics keep the playa down? Or he’s out of ideas?

Nevertheless, my conclusion is the Miz should embrace his Anti-Haters persona because it’d give everyone what they want: the Heel version of John Cena.

The Rock Knows His Role, But Do You?

CharmstheHarms — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 12:56:54 -0000

Since childhood, I’ve been a huge fan of villains: from Darth Vader to Xenomorph, The Terminator to Hans Gruber - hell, throw in Dustin Hoffman’s Captain Hook, 'cause he’s pretty badass too. I mention this because, as a child, I could not stand Hulk Hogan, or any babyface similar to him. Essentially, I’d rather wear a Batman t-shirt than a Superman, and this sentiment is immensely popular today.

Back then, as a child, I remember not being around many other kids who felt the same, oddly. I mention this because as of today, I am twenty years old. The Royal Rumble is coming once again, and in 1999, this traditional pay-per-view (PPV) introduced me to Professional Wrestling.

The co-main event of that PPV was 'Mankind vs. The Rock', in a highly brutal, and memorable, "I Quit" bout for the WWF Championship. Not to go too deep into details, but basically, my family held a get-together at my grandparents’ house for the occasion. (Apparently, everybody else was already big-time into wrestling, since this was the time-period the product actually had a cool rep.) Halfway through the show, after goofing around on PS1 in another room, I went to see what all the fuss was about in the living room.

Everybody in the living room loathed The Rock. I’d reckon this was attributed to his, then recent, alliance with The Corporation; who had Vince McMahon (the greatest heel at the time) spearheading. But my family is easily led by the generic face/heel dynamic.

Anyway, I’m sitting there, watching The Rock do constant DDTs to Mick Foley all around the arena, punch him off a balcony -- which sent him onto technical equipment that shot off sparks as result of the impact, be driven headfirst into a turnbuckle at an alarming rate, and then eat chairshot after unprotected chairshot, 'til blood spilled from his head -- at six years of age. The visual of Mick Foley lying sideways on the cement, while his head behaved like a leaking faucet, was and likely still is for me, the sickest visual WWF/E has ever broadcast.

And it should not be repeated again.

From what I can remember, this scenario confounded me. Obviously, The Rock’s viciousness and slick use of tongue got me instantly attracted to him. Yet simultaneously, I found the first good-guy character that done me torn. Here was this handcuffed, fat man who wore a mask, and sometimes spoke with a squeal, enduring such unnecessary cruelty and humiliation -- not only in front of the world, but also his wife and two children, who were seated at ringside -- all at the whim of The Rock. He’d not succumb, because he could take it:

"He’s proven it before..." [paraphrasing] I was told at the time by my cousin. Something like, “Undertaker threw Mankind from the top of a cell! He was slammed through it, too! Mankind can take ANYTHING!” My cousin’s quick history lesson had the young me in awe.

That was the first match I ever saw, and it sums up how the rest of the Attitude Era experience was: adult-themed, edgy, dark, bloody, vulgar, obscene, entertaining, provocative and revealing.

Fast-forward to last night’s Monday Night Raw. CM Punk defeated Ryback in an acceptable TLC match to retain his WWE Championship. A little later, Punk came back out to cut a cohesive and smarkish promo. One that spat apparent truth on how WWE ‘Superstars’ get pushes, as well as how he’s, "the puppet master" (seemingly, his favorite phrase).

Next, after a choreographed "commercial break" device, The Rock returned to sort of counter Punk’s argument, while also criticizing his past "pipe bombs".

So far, Internet wrestling community (IWC) reactions are that CM Punk won that "promo battle", by far. Therefore, he is a genius, and The Rock needs to head back to the chalkboard, so to speak.

This reminds me of last year’s ‘Rock vs. Cena’ buildup to Mania. For some reason, people spoke of those back-and-forth "shoots" as if they were legitimate: as if The Rock actually needed to write notes on his wrist, so Cena decided to call him out on it... as if John Cena was truly disgusted by Rock’s promise of never leaving WWE again, only to disappear the next week.

Maybe everybody speculated on that feud as if it were real, because they wanted to bask in the awesome "realism" by making it out to be wrestling’s ‘Anderson Silva v. Chael Sonnen’, but I doubt that. Just like that feud, I can already imagine the IWC discussing this feud as if Vince McMahon told both Punk and Rock, “I want you two to go out there and say whatever you want (smiling) may the best gravedigger win".

Jesus, no.

When I watched last night’s segment an hour prior to writing this, I was amazed. So much so, I feel compelled to not only defend it, but try to convince you to see it under a different light. Let’s breakdown the points of both guys:

CM Punk:

Definition of "pipe bomb" is: “the truth & honesty”. Although, I’m not quite sure who Punk is referring to when he says it’s been misused. Nevertheless, it served as a reminder of what he means by it.
Punk keeps consistency in his thoughts, and behavioral patterns, by explaining this heel turn once again. “I’ve created this persona”, that works the audience into supporting him so he may further manipulate the system as he sees fit. Because otherwise, the system doesn’t care if a wrestler is talented and deserving; all that matters is the fans’ reaction and consumption of whatever’s hot. By making himself "radio-friendly", he can eventually be his true, dickish-self, without censorship or burial, as a result of having mainstream-muscle.
Punk says, "John Cena gets everything on a platter because the people support him, despite all his flaws and botches". He basically says, guys with more pros than cons don’t get equal opportunities because they’re not "over", and it’s the fans’ fault for that.
The mainstream pro wrestling demographic are the base ignorant masses; therefore, WWE simplifies its product to meet their level and perceived tastes. Once again, Fans are bad people.
Compares and contrasts himself with past "legends" of the industry, in order to ultimately make it seem as if his championship streak is more meaningful and significant, because of his workload and consistency, which he accomplishes rather well.

The Rock:

Regardless of Punk’s recent accomplishments, everybody knows he’s a transitional champ; The Rock knows that Punk is scared of that truth.
Rock basically says: Punk is truth? He says credible things? He’s Mister Pipe Bomb? How about this pipe bomb: when Punk said he’d make a major difference as WWE Champ last year, what happened? Nothing. The product hasn’t changed at all. He isn’t the Stone Cold Steve Austin people predicted he’d become. Hell, the dude couldn’t even manage to bring back ice cream bars. Not so credible now.
There’s no such thing as the "voice of the voiceless". When people want John Cena, Zack Ryder and AJ Lee; WWE supplies them. When they desire CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan; WWE supplies them. The fans voices do matter, and they don’t need a singular "spokesperson" -- especially not one who tricks them into believing him as a credible savior -- and right now, they want The Rock to put his boot to Punk’s ass; which WWE will assure the fans he will do.
The Rock is back to do three things: entertain the millions, dispute CM Punk’s alleged realness, and have another good run as WWE Champion.

Putting all that into perspective, it’s a strong back-and-forth. But Punk’s rebuttal really "layeth the smackdown":

He’s glad The Rock is back. It doesn’t matter if Rocky is half-committed to the ‘E, so he can make his movies, nor how much more famous he becomes, how many catchphrases Rock creates, or how hard Rock tries to verbally smash Punk. There’s something Rock lacks: the murderous desire to be the best in the world. CM Punk is a nonstop, solid presence in WWE, and this is all he wants. He’s fully committed. Therefore, he’s going to overwhelm the future HoF’er, because Punk is in his prime.

Man, I don’t understand why the IWC’s immediate reaction wasn’t more along the lines of, “that is the smartest promo battle we’ve watched since maybe something Mick Foley did”. Nope, the complaints are that Rock got fans to chant “cookie puss” (who is an obscure 1970’s ice cream character, not a play on vaginas -- although he did do that later on), said Punk looks like a crackhead version of Pop-Eye (the beloved naval cartoon character), is nut-less and has a hard-on for himself.

Three ‘immature’ jokes, in an altogether twenty-minute plus promo. I guess some people can’t handle that.

Even worse, people fail to realize a common trait whenever the Rock shows up: he brings the best out of whomever he works with. Last year when he had a feud with John Cena, the Rock got Cena to do critically-acclaimed segments, and managed to get a shit load of smarks to finally embrace Cena (albeit shortly).

The Rock is an old-school businessman, and it is evident. How many ‘good guy’ characters in the modern-era put over the heels at all? Definitely not John Cena. Hell, not even CM Punk did, except for maybe Daniel Bryan (I will always remember when CM Punk called Alberto Del Rio one-dimensional, and then proceeded to take an unnecessary shit on him -- that was trash).

Yet Rock applauded Punk’s record-setting title reign, even calling him creative and innovative. Those are respectful compliments. Actually, near the end, The Rock said, “...Don’t you think for one single solitary second that The Rock doesn’t know how "bad" you are, how "tough" you are, how "dangerous" you are.” & “You hit The Rock with the GTS and knocked him out cold as a block of ice. The Rock didn’t forget it; you hurt The Rock, you embarrassed The Rock.”

You try to find me another promo where someone has put over the "bad guy" as much as Rock did in recent memory. Mick Foley doesn’t count.

Rock is a smart businessman. Just like he did with John Cena (and I’m certain he’ll repeat the formula once again), he allows his opponents to do utterly their best shit-talking, because he knows this is what we, the fans, want. Before he came back to WWE (in an interview likely found on YouTube), Rock says he wants the type of build you’d see in the UFC. He wants that realism, the kind we all eat up because it’s credible and believable, and a good convo-starting topic.

Rock doesn’t care about his reputation; he doesn’t need to always have the upper-hand. He’s a bona fide legend, and one of the last universally acclaimed wrestlers who will always be welcomed on our televisions, no matter what. It’s because of this, that he cleverly portrays himself as someone "slipping and relying on an overdone routine". Not only does that put both characters on equal footing, it allows the challenger to make a convincing case.

By now, we all know (at least, we should) The Rock could absolutely bury the fuck out of whomever he wants; based purely on him being the most successful wrestler to break out of the industry, and the fact McMahon mostly needs him to help Raw's ratings stay afloat. Yet, he’s a businessman who sees McMahon as a father-figure, and has returned to not only have fun and pay homage to his roots, but to help the company that made him to try to get back those MILLIONS OF DOLLARS recently lost in Linda’s McMahon's Senate attempt, among other things.

Back in 1999, Mick Foley put over The Rock the way he did, because he felt The Rock shouldn’t just be a handsome smart-aleck, with Michael Jackson-esque smoothness and cruiserweight agility. Rock would become a man capable of so much more... and from there on out, when The Rock said he’d "whip someone’s candy ass" -- we knew exactly what he meant.

Now, in 2013, I expect CM Punk to go over clean. The Rock doesn’t need the WWE Championship. What would he do with it? Take it with him to movie premieres? No, a win over the Rock would do so much more for CM Punk. But in this era of WWE, Rock is very unlikely to eat eleven unprotected chairshots. Instead, he lets CM Punk "outsmart and outwrestle him".

Because it’s good for business.

__________________________________

Editor's Note: This FanPost has been mildly edited for promotion to the front page and various sections within Cageside Seats for your enjoyment due to its excellence, Cagesiders. Enjoy the read, we sure did!

And it should not be repeated again.

That was the first match I ever saw, and it sums up how the rest of the Attitude Era experience was: adult-themed, edgy, dark, bloody, vulgar, obscene, entertaining, provocative and revealing.

Next, after a choreographed "commercial break" device, The Rock returned to sort of counter Punk’s argument, while also criticizing his past "pipe bombs".

So far, Internet wrestling community (IWC) reactions are that CM Punk won that "promo battle", by far. Therefore, he is a genius, and The Rock needs to head back to the chalkboard, so to speak.

Jesus, no.

CM Punk:

Definition of "pipe bomb" is: “the truth & honesty”. Although, I’m not quite sure who Punk is referring to when he says it’s been misused. Nevertheless, it served as a reminder of what he means by it.
Punk keeps consistency in his thoughts, and behavioral patterns, by explaining this heel turn once again. “I’ve created this persona”, that works the audience into supporting him so he may further manipulate the system as he sees fit. Because otherwise, the system doesn’t care if a wrestler is talented and deserving; all that matters is the fans’ reaction and consumption of whatever’s hot. By making himself "radio-friendly", he can eventually be his true, dickish-self, without censorship or burial, as a result of having mainstream-muscle.
Punk says, "John Cena gets everything on a platter because the people support him, despite all his flaws and botches". He basically says, guys with more pros than cons don’t get equal opportunities because they’re not "over", and it’s the fans’ fault for that.
The mainstream pro wrestling demographic are the base ignorant masses; therefore, WWE simplifies its product to meet their level and perceived tastes. Once again, Fans are bad people.
Compares and contrasts himself with past "legends" of the industry, in order to ultimately make it seem as if his championship streak is more meaningful and significant, because of his workload and consistency, which he accomplishes rather well.

The Rock:

Regardless of Punk’s recent accomplishments, everybody knows he’s a transitional champ; The Rock knows that Punk is scared of that truth.
Rock basically says: Punk is truth? He says credible things? He’s Mister Pipe Bomb? How about this pipe bomb: when Punk said he’d make a major difference as WWE Champ last year, what happened? Nothing. The product hasn’t changed at all. He isn’t the Stone Cold Steve Austin people predicted he’d become. Hell, the dude couldn’t even manage to bring back ice cream bars. Not so credible now.
There’s no such thing as the "voice of the voiceless". When people want John Cena, Zack Ryder and AJ Lee; WWE supplies them. When they desire CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan; WWE supplies them. The fans voices do matter, and they don’t need a singular "spokesperson" -- especially not one who tricks them into believing him as a credible savior -- and right now, they want The Rock to put his boot to Punk’s ass; which WWE will assure the fans he will do.
The Rock is back to do three things: entertain the millions, dispute CM Punk’s alleged realness, and have another good run as WWE Champion.

Putting all that into perspective, it’s a strong back-and-forth. But Punk’s rebuttal really "layeth the smackdown":

Three ‘immature’ jokes, in an altogether twenty-minute plus promo. I guess some people can’t handle that.

You try to find me another promo where someone has put over the "bad guy" as much as Rock did in recent memory. Mick Foley doesn’t count.

Because it’s good for business.

__________________________________

Editor's Note: This FanPost has been mildly edited for promotion to the front page and various sections within Cageside Seats for your enjoyment due to its excellence, Cagesiders. Enjoy the read, we sure did!

Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime

CharmstheHarms — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:30:34 -0000

I've been following Cageside Seats for a year or so (I'm sure it's been way longer than that) as a lurker but recently developed an interest in sharing my thoughts with your decent community of marks. What drew me to register was that I believe I have an alternative understanding of professional wrestling, so perhaps if this belief were true, I could contribute to discussions and speculations alike by adding another angle so to colorize our theorizations and idealism. I reckon the fastest way to introduce my understanding is by posting in this fan section on aspects like characterization, performances, methods, futuristic routes possible in pro’ wrestling, among others.

For example, one of the first ‘takes’ by me will be on ‘The Miz’ – who has recently found himself high on the IWC shitlist – because he is very underrated and I think he is actually a darling of ours – most of us just don’t know it yet. More on this duck later.

Another example would be my fascination with the Divas division. I shit you not, you read that right. Nope, neither their tits nor asses are what get me – not even AJ Lee’s. So, you know, all that’s left I could be ‘fascinated’ about is the booking situation and how these birds could return McMahon to his billions-of-dollars stature alone (unlike that delusional Linda). I assure you it’ll be a decent read, at least.

Finally, I want to acknowledge that I support a lot of the same guys many of you do too (i.e. CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Dean Ambrose) but, to be honest, I do not believe they are our only hope in a better product. Actually, it’s guys like Alberto Del Rio, The Miz, Sheamus, Heath Slater and Sin Cara who can not only challenge them darlings but us and our impressions.

Essentially, my writings will be taking what the marks believe is god-awful and revealing its golden yet dim promise. That and scrapping pro’ wrestling as we know it altogether, but that may come way later.