Scene opens with a television reporter:

Nebraska Head Coach Bo Pelini and Defensive Coordinator Carl Pelini have not been with the team as they prepare to face Texas on Saturday. Athletic Director Tom Osborne had no comment on where his coaches are at or what they are doing....

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More photos » by Sue Ogrocki - AP

In a Vinnie Barbarino voice, he says "Yeah, but at least I win the games I'm supposed to...."

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We need a video of that shows me running out of a tractor, sees flying cobs in the air then starts shouting "The cobs, the cobs!" just like that dude on Fantasy Island did years ago.

Or maybe not. Whatcha think?

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Blatantly stolen...er... inspired by Orson at EDSBS, we present a list of alternative names for Ndamukong Suh, not because we're tired of hearing his name, but because it'll be easier for pansy-ass  announcers too intimidated to pronounce Ndamukong. You know who you are.

And since we're not nearly as witty as that Swindle guy (or we'd come up with our own material), we're staying under 29, because it's darned hard coming up with Cameroonian-influenced names (so we mostly didn't try): 

Crunch Colthead

Bang Legsnap

Runemdown Fastsmash

Rockhard Anklebend

Fulfulde Bodyslam

Forcefumblesack Pow

TisSadly Noholdingcalls

Kodiak Squashurass

House Hardtomove

Runover Dathawkinsdude

Bamileke Slamileke

Spearthump Beefkill

Boom Bullrush 

Gutwrench Kickblock

Stud Thunderclap

Ewondo Sockettear

Awestruck Hornsblood

Drumbeat Steelbuns

Bonebreak Thistysquish

and last, but certainly not least: 

BronkoLombardiOutlandBednarik Guy

Thursday? We used to get these things out on Tuesday, when people were still thinking about last week's games. What's happening here? I'll tell you what it is. It's that guy who went through the name change. All cocky now, but can't manage a deadline worth a damn. 

You know, he told me once that in his 19 years of writing in the computer industry, he never once hit a deadline. Ever. So what do you expect here? 

Heading into the last week of the regular season, the Big 12 is settled. The games are being played for pride, for bragging rights, or for a better bowl game. Ooooooohhh, the Cobs will come out! 

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I thought I'd help out Colorado should they decide to replace Dan Hawkins after this coming weekend. Plus, it's never a bad idea to be prepared with a list of potential head coaches should something happen to the existing one (such as having a mental breakdown after yet another losing season).

Here's a nice list of potential replacements!

Toaster

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More photos » by Orlin Wagner - AP

Todd Reesing tries to protect himself while the KU program comes down around him. It won't help. If that's Mangino above him he'd better run now. The impact crater will be enormous.

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I got tired of waiting for Corn Blight to give me a nomination so the heck with him I'm going to do one of my own. Maybe it's not fair to Husker Mike and Jlew because it didn't happen last week but it happened because of last week. I going to make this nomination because its the 800-pound gorilla ha ha ha that can't be ignored even though everyone in Kansas want us to.

Q: Can Mark Mangino fit under a bus?

A: Only if it's a really big bus.

My nomination goes to Kansas athletic director Lew Perkins. It's pretty clear by now that Perkins wants Mangino gone, to the point that he's released university documents detailing an example of Mangino's bad behavior. Oh. Maybe Perkins didn't release those they were leaked! We've heard about Mangino "putting his finger in the chest of a player" as if its a bad thing. First he could have put his finger somewhere else we'd have to hear about and second there are 300 pound guys running into each other as part of the sport. If some player can't handle his coach putting his finger in his chest perhaps he could take up a board game like Clue or better yet Chutes N Ladders. 

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Late last night in Lawrence, Kansas, a large man is wracking his brain for answers.....

So.... how you going to handle them?

Who?

Don't pretend. I know what you're thinking.

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More photos » by JACK DEMPSEY - AP

Photo Caption Contest!!!!!

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What a week in the Big 12! An odd week in that neither Nebraska or Colorado got nominated for Cobs, perhaps setting up a monumental showdown at the end of the season where Nebraska must win in Boulder to win the Big 12 North or lose it to some other less worthy team. 

What is going on in the photo above? Are we witnessing the joyous grasp of victory, or is there fraternization going on within the Buffs football team? Caption that photo in the comments section!

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I was having lunch with my dear friend Nebraska this week when an "old friend" happened by......

Hey, Nebraska! How you doing, sweetheart! You look great! As wonderful as ever!!! 

Barry! Oh, it's so good to see you! 

 I miss the times we had together. Wish we could see each other more often! (sees Tom Obsorne and quickly saunters off after him). Don't you ever change! (wink)

 That's a little disgusting.

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More photos » by J.D. Pooley - AP

Darrell Scott - can you blame him for wanting to transfer? No. When the ship's on fire, it's every rat for himself, ain't it?

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Boy, it's getting tough to pick these. Normally you have your good teams and your bad teams, but this year we have half-good and half-bad teams and they trade positions every quarter. Everyone but Texas that is. Texas has done one thing really well so far this season and that's crush the hopes out of everyone else in the South.

The Big 12 North is still fun for everyone! Everyone's still special and everyone still has a chance to be a winner! Unless you're Colorado.....  I think.

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