SB Nation User Blog: Cobby

Big 12 Cob of the Week: Missouri's Defense, KSU Fans And Texas A&M's Hopes... All Fading

Cobby — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 02:09:10 -0000

More photos » by JACK DEMPSEY - AP

Photo Caption Contest!!!!!

What a week in the Big 12! An odd week in that neither Nebraska or Colorado got nominated for Cobs, perhaps setting up a monumental showdown at the end of the season where Nebraska must win in Boulder to win the Big 12 North or lose it to some other less worthy team.

What is going on in the photo above? Are we witnessing the joyous grasp of victory, or is there fraternization going on within the Buffs football team? Caption that photo in the comments section!

Husker Mike:

I'm going with Missouri's defense. Iowa State shut out Baylor until late in the game. Nebraska's true freshman quarterback threw a pick-6 to get Baylor on the scoreboard.

But all of a sudden Baylor scores 40, and Missouri allows true freshman quarterback Nick Florence to set a Baylor school record 427 yards passing.

Baylor scores 40 ... in Columbia ... without Robert Griffin???

Jew:

KSU fans are bad family members. With Bill Snyder coming back the season was seemingly to be a year-long welcome back tour, called the "K-State Family Reunion" but it seems that KSU fan can't be bothered with family. K-State as you may have heard leads the B12 North. Last Saturday this league leading team played against the hated rival Kansas in the Sunflower Showdown.

Ron Prince had been unable to beat Kansas, ever. It would seem to be a big deal. So where were the Purple fans? Saturday in Manhattan was beautiful, sunny, high 60's, no wind, but the announced attendance in the Bill Synder Family Stadium was only 48,306 (Capacity is 52,200). You have something better to do Cat Fans? And where were you Jawhawk fans? Too busy defacing property in Manhattan?

Corn Blight:

Oh... Aggies, Aggies, Aggies. You lose to Colorado. A loss that crushed your bowl dreams and has somehow given the Buff faithful hope? How could you be so cruel?

Poll

Your Vote for the Big 12 Cob of the Week?

Nebraska and Oklahoma - Just Old Friends Getting Together Again.....

Cobby — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:52:46 -0000

I was having lunch with my dear friend Nebraska this week when an "old friend" happened by......

Hey, Nebraska! How you doing, sweetheart! You look great! As wonderful as ever!!!

Barry! Oh, it's so good to see you!

I miss the times we had together. Wish we could see each other more often! (sees Tom Obsorne and quickly saunters off after him). Don't you ever change! (wink)

That's a little disgusting.

What?

Barry Switzer?

He's always so nice to me. He's a really sweet man. He's aged well, too (fetching). You're just jealous.

Jealous that I can't get away with that much bullshit. Amazing he's not a politician.

Oh, he's not that bad.

What are you talking about? The guy was a cheater. He cheated all of the time. He cheated so much they ran him out of college football and here you are eating candy out of his hand and pretending you're back in 1982.

He says nice things about me. He tells me how much respect he always had for me and how hard it was to win.

He's not nice to you. He was never nice to you. He ruined so many holidays.... even in 1978 when you finally had a decent Thanksgiving, he turned around and ruined New Years.

We put on some great shows together! Since the Big 12 came along it's never been the same!

Yeah, but it's been what, 12 years?Maybe you should accept the fact that time has moved on. But you can't do that, can you, because you're still in love with Oklahoma. The problem is, it's not based on reality, it's based on a concept. An idea. You're in love with what you used to have and since it's been so long, you've romanticized it to the point that no one else will ever be good enough.

No one else..... like????

Colorado?

I can go see the mountains without seeing Buffaloes, Cobby. Please.... .Hippies?????? (makes finger in mouth motion, gagging)

Well, what about Missouri? They're doing better.

Maybe they could call me after they win a championship in something..... I had the best. The BEST. And you're expecting me to drop my standards and just accept whatever happens to come along. Has my beauty faded so much? You really know how to make a girl feel good.

Sorry.... you're right, you've got a point. How 'bout we just agree that you don't fall all over yourself whenever Oklahoma comes around..... okay?

Okay.

Hey! Nebraska, sweetheart! How you doing!

(cooing) Bobby! Oh my God! It's so good to see you!

Oh... God, why.....

Have I ever told you about the time Carl Pelini stayed at my house? And Bo used to be on my staff....

On your staff????? Oh.... Bobby tell me more! Cobby, weren't you leaving?

...

Big 12 Cob of the Week: Todd Reesing, Big Leads, And Colorado's Downward Spiral - Pick The Ultimate Suckage!

Cobby — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:51:13 -0000

More photos » by J.D. Pooley - AP

Darrell Scott - can you blame him for wanting to transfer? No. When the ship's on fire, it's every rat for himself, ain't it?

Browse more photos »

Boy, it's getting tough to pick these. Normally you have your good teams and your bad teams, but this year we have half-good and half-bad teams and they trade positions every quarter. Everyone but Texas that is. Texas has done one thing really well so far this season and that's crush the hopes out of everyone else in the South.

The Big 12 North is still fun for everyone! Everyone's still special and everyone still has a chance to be a winner! Unless you're Colorado..... I think.

Husker Mike:

Todd Reesing - Earlier this season, Mark Mangino touted Reesing as a darkhorse Heisman candidate. Against Texas Tech, Reesing played his way onto the bench. Suddenly, he has the running ability of Dan Marino and the passing ability of former Husker quarterback Mickey Joseph. In Kansas' spread offense, a quarterback who can't run and can't throw isn't very productive ... and suddenly Kansas is staring bleakly into the future. Mangino went out of his way today to name Reesing as the starter for this week, which tells you just how Cobbish Reesing has become.

Oklahoma and Missouri second halves: Hey, I admit it. I didn't pay any attention to the Sooners or Tigers in the second half. They had huge halftime leads against opponents they should have crushed, so why not watch other games? (Or in the case of the Sooners, take the kids out trick-or-treating...) Imagine my surprise to check back and find that both teams mailed it in the second half, and let both Colorado and Kansas State back into the game.) Is that a trick? Or a Cob?

Jlew:

Missing. Probably drunk at a convention somewhere where the weather is nicer than where you are.

Corn Blight:

I'm not sure what's worse - rats leaving the sinking ship at Colorado or Oklahoma State's egg-laying against Texas. A lot was expected of Oklahoma State this season - starting out highly ranked and going into November highly tanked (hyuk!), but why is this different than any other Cowboy season? (insert Mike Gundy "not a man" joke here).

Colorado, on the other hand..... did anyone see the whole thing falling apart? A number of sites mentioned how painful it was to watch Dan Hawkin's press conference last week, but the real beginning of the end has to be this week's announcement that potential savior greatest recruit ever running back Darrell Scott is leaving the program.

Colorado is finding new depths this season. By the end of it, they may have surpassed Kansas State last season with the Ron Prince's firing and secret contract. What'll be funnier is if the CU faithful start to howl about bringing back Bill McCartney....... Ooops, they already have!

Poll

Your Pick for Big 12 Cob of the Week?

Big 12 Cob of The Week: Niles Paul, Nebraska Coaches And Dan Hawkins Keeps His Idiot Streak Alive!

Cobby — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:25:12 -0000

More photos » by Nati Harnik - AP

Paul Rhoads did not suck this week. The coaches that opposed him.... well, they're nominated, aren't they?

Browse more photos »

What a wretched, wretched week, and I'm not just talking about Nebraska, I'm talking about most of the Big 12 North. Well, not even the whole Big 12 North, but Nebraska, Missouri, and Kansas. The three teams that was expected to win the upper half of the conference can't get out of their own way. Neither can Colorado. Or Texas Tech. Better include Texas A&M in that. And Oklahoma State for the Dez Bryant thing. And Oklahoma because their offensive line got their quarterback killed and they just suck this season.

Come to think of it, just about everything and everyone in the Big 12 sucks with the exception of Texas, Iowa State and Kansas State. The first because they keep winning. The latter because everyone thought they were jokes at the start of the season when the joke is on all of us. Maybe the media and the fans suck too.

Maybe it's just one giant season of SUCK.

You know how this works right? Every week we nominate three of the worst performances in the Big 12. You vote on them, picking the weekly winner. At the end of the year we have a Big 12 Cob of the Year, a cobapalooza, and we select the Big 12 Cob of the Year!

The way this year is going, everyone will get a chance to win, especially Dan Hawkins!

Husker Mike:

While Menelik Holt and Curenski Gilleylen also deserve mention for their dropsies against the Cyclones, my Cob of the week nomination goes to Niles Paul. I don't know if there is some sort of magnetic force field on the west sideline at the north 20 yard line as Paul fumbled the ball once again. This time, rather than resulting an opponent touchdown, it merely wiped a Husker touchdown off the board as Paul streaked towards the endzone. And in a two point Husker loss...that touchdown was the difference in the game.

Why, Niles, why? I would have believed that Holt kid. Or maybe Will Henry? But you?

JLew:

Go here and see if you find anything interesting about the drive charts for the KSU/CU game. Notice anything odd at Colorado at 1:11? Yep Hawkins puts in his son to play! Nothing like ruining your starting QB's confidence. The ralphiereport breaks it down for us-

All one had to do is look at Hansen's face towards the end of the first half to see the combination of anger, sadness and frustration residing within because he was replaced perhaps when the offense needed him most. Did the coaches forget what happened in CU's last two drives just the week before? After sputtering for most of the second half against KU, the offense came alive in time to score the winning touchdown and then gain an important first down and use up 3 1/2 of the remaining few minutes to preserve a victory. Those drives were led by and starred Tyler Hansen.

So how did the younger Hawkins do? 10/23 95 yards 0 TD 2 INT. And now I have to hear about KSU leading the B12 North for another 2 weeks.

So we'll continue the CU streak of cobs and give one to Dan Hawkins for his QB decisions, again, and again.

Corn Blight:

I thought about trying to nominate Texas Tech quarterback Taylor Potts. Thought about Missouri, too, being smashed by Texas. But, unfortunately, my nomination has to be the Nebraska coaching staff. Enough of this thought that the Iowa State loss was some sort of "fluke" game because it wasn't. It was the tale of a coaching staff who had their players ready to play and another one that didn't. If you need proof of that, look here and tell me I'm wrong.

The only possible exception is Barney Cotton, whose offensive line played fairly well, didn't drop passes or turn the ball over and cut down on their mistakes (penalties) this week.

Maybe the Huskers spent all week worrying about whether or not they'd get booed again this week. That won't be a problem at Baylor, now will it?

Poll

Your Choice For the Big 12 Cob of the Week:

Big 12 Cob Of The Week: Aggies, Jayhawks and Huskers - Is that a hint of accusation in your eye?

Cobby — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:00:36 -0000

More photos » by Charlie Riedel - AP

Some dude from Texas A&M trying to give Brandon Banks a huge. No wonder they can't play defense down there!

Browse more photos »

I was thinking about nominating Corn Blight for his earlier post about getting rid of the black shirts, but I have a feeling he'd ban me for a week or two, so we'll just let that one go. He clearly needs to drink more kool-aid. Or get a better attitude.

Once again this week there's plenty of poor performances to go around. If Husker fans think they've got it bad with that performance against Texas Tech, well, how'd you like to be Kansas or Texas A&M this week? If those aren't weird enough, what about Kansas State? Talk about your mood swings.

And nobody nominated the Big 12 North after we've all figured out that we're the last year's ACC? Wow. You guys need to pick it up a notch.

JLew:

Oh Texas A&M. I feel like the college junior consoling a freshman who just realized they are dating a crazy person. Trust me when I say we have been in your place before and let me tell you, it's not going to end well. Sure it's fun running the score up on UAB, those times are great, but let me guess, a great offense (at least against lower division foes), but a horrible defense that was once proud? Close losses to ranked teams? You convince yourself to look at the positives- but then comes the blowouts. Hey like I said we have been there.

But really, losing 62-14 to a KSU team that had lost 66-14 the week before? How does that happen? You even managed to fail so hard that Snyder even called the dogs off in the third quarter. He'd run up the score against his own kids in family touch football game after Thanksgiving. And now because of you KSU sits a top the B12 North standings. I think you need to take this cob and have a long hard look at your relationships with your coaches.

Husker Mike:

Going into the season, everybody knew that the Jayhawks had some issues on defense. But in the first half, the offense was perhaps even worse. Todd Reesing turned the ball over twice and helped the Buffies jump to a 24-3 lead. That's not a misprint: Colorado led KU 24-3 in the 2nd quarter. Kansas made a nice comeback and even took the lead late, only to somehow allow Tyler Hansen and Rodney Stewart to drive the field to retake the lead. Then Kerry Meier gets flagged for pass interference, nullifying a potential game-winning touchdown. Losing to the 2009 Buffies? If that ain't Cob-worthy, I don't know what is.

Corn Blight:

Oh, lookie. I get to be the SOB that picks Nebraska. That's sure to win me some points with those fans who believe you should never say anything negative about the Huskers. If I keep this up, sooner or later I'll get accused of having a hidden agenda against Tom Osborne.

But someone has to keep us honest, right? So this week I'm nominating the Nebraska offense, as if that's some big shock. In fact, I'm going to split my nomination into two parts, neither of which are designed to make anyone happy.

The first part is the offense itself. It wasn't good. I don't have to go into anymore other than to say that we're not going to win a lot more games if we don't get it straightened out. Whether it's Zac Lee or Cody Green, someone has to make plays and score some points, preferably touchdowns.

The second is us, the fans. We knew coming into this season we had a new starter at quarterback and a bunch of unproven receivers. Maybe it's our fault for having such high expectations of a crew when we knew that they would struggle in the first place. Are we blaming someone else for our unanswered prayers? I might be as guilty of this as anyone. Is that a hint of accusation in your eyes?

Poll

Your vote for Big 12 Cob Of the Week!

Texas A&M - becoming the psycho girlfriend of the Big 12

24 votes

Kansas Jayhawks - for losing to Colorado. There went the Big 12 North!

22 votes

Nebraska's offense - for a horrid performance against Tech

90 votes

Husker fans for having such high expectations for the offense

32 votes

168 votes | Poll has closed

Exposed! - Mike Leach Intends to Use Two Quarterbacks, One As "Suh Bait"

Cobby — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:00:44 -0000

Using Corn Nation's vast and elaborate network of spies, we have obtained information about a new offensive information that the diabolical (quirky) offensive genius Mike Leach (code name "Captain Weiner") intends to unveil against Nebraska.

The formation is specifically designed to counter the ferocious, unstoppable, force otherwise known as Ndamukong Suh (code name "House of Spears").

The formation, known as "Suh-Bait" will feature two quarterbacks lined up in shotgun formation. At the start of the play, QB2 will receive the snap and move away from the line of scrimmage in an erratic, flailing manner specifically designed to attract defensive linemen who like to break quarterbacks in half, (severing their spine, rendering them incapable of passing, running, or eating with their hands).

QB1 will move away from QB2, making sure to be behind him, then stay motionless so as not to attract attention. When QB2 reaches the "squash point", he will turn and throw the ball back to QB1 who will then calmly throw it downfield to an open receiver, resulting in big yardage and much happiness for the Red Raiders, who will respond by will respond by jumping up and down repeatedly while yelling "YARRRR, Touchdown, YARRR!"

Should QB2 be injured or killed by House of Spears during the play, Captain Weiner has established the following line of succession, indicating that the play will not be run more than five times, as that's the maximum amount of collateral damage that will be tolerated.

Here's the line of succession:

- Taylor Potts

- Marlon "twitter bitch" Williams

- Some redshirt freshman who pisses me off during the game

- That dork who rides the horse at home games

- A girl scout with big hands

A simulation of said play has been put together by our extremely adept tech crew to give fans a better idea of what Leach has in store. Blood, gore and extreme violence have been removed to protect the children.

Big 12 Cob Of The Week: Oklahoma, Colorado, and Farmageddon

Cobby — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 05:54:50 -0000

More photos » by Wilfredo Lee - AP

What's even worse than Oklahoma embarrassing the Big 12? Having 'Canes players blabber on about being "back" the week after Virginia Tech utterly destroyed them. Apparently it doesn't take much to be "back" for some people.

Browse more photos »

You might have thought that the bye week would have left us a little short of nominations. Not so fast, my friend! There's plenty of choices!

Texas A&M should have made this list for such a bad performance against Arkansas. Oh, look, they do!!!

Corn Blight:

My Cob nomination goes to Oklahoma. The offensive line is horrible not because they're bad athletes, but because they're playing poorly. Even Trent Williams, one of the best in the nation got so frustrated as to pick up a personal foul penalty for a leg whip.

The Sooners looked directionless, leaderless and faithless against Miami. Even then, they only lost by one.

Husker Mike:

Once again, Colorado gets my nomination. On the opening play, Colorado failed to cover a West Virginia receiver sprinting downfield...but was overthrown. So on the next play, Noel Devine ran untouched 77 yards for a touchdown.

And it was all downhill from there. West Virginia even tried to help out the Buffies, turning the ball over four times in the first half, but the Buffies are simply beyond help. Nice way to show up on national television. Is one of the Denver TV stations planning a telethon to help pay for the coaching change?

Jlew:

My cob goes to the ISU/KSU decision to move their game, "Farmageddon" to Kansas City. Sure it was a good game for a pillow fight, but it sounds like the traffic was awful, and the environment was sterile. The attendance was sad as well, only 40,851.

Keep college football games on college campuses where they belong.

Poll

Your vote for the Big 12 Cob of the Week:

Texas A&M's performance against Arkansas

13 votes

Oklahoma losing to Miami

35 votes

Colorado's continued suckage against West Virginia

56 votes

Farmageddon!!!!

31 votes

135 votes | Poll has closed

What Will Missouri's Quarterback Eat This Year?

Cobby — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:51:50 -0000

Last year Missouri's starting quarterback Chase Daniel won the game at Nebraska but established a lifelong reputation as a booger-eater.

This year, new Missouri starting quarterback Blaine Gabbert has the chance to continue the tradition by eating something during the Nebraska - Missouri game.

I don't want to leave out the Tigers fans so I've gracefully included an option for them to chose.

Poll

What Will Missouri's Quarterback Eat During the Game This Year?

booger. duh......

10 votes

Ndamukong Suh's shoe as he gets run over while Suh runs for an interception TD

82 votes

Five gallons of water when he's submerged while lying on the ground so much during a downpour

20 votes

The Husker defensive secondary

22 votes

Field Turf Or Grass Or whatever they have on their field in Columbia

48 votes

182 votes | Poll has closed

The Big 12 Cob of the Week - Mizzou's Line, Big 12 Schedulers, Robert Griffin's ACL & Mike Leach - The Worst of the Big 12?

Cobby — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 20:38:53 -0000

More photos » by Eric Gay - AP

Mike Leach is focused. Real focused. He's thinking about killing the guy who took "captainleach" on twitter. Keel haul him. Run him through. It doesn't matter.

Browse more photos »

So I'm a little behind (pun!) on my posting. CB has been after to me to get in gear, but other than Virginia Tech, it's been hard to get excited about games against Sun Belt teams. Now that the Big 12 is coming up, I'm starting to get excited! It's time for the Big Red to shine and take back the conference!

But before I can start talking about how our Huskers are going to smash the rest of the Big 12 North, we have to deal with this week's "Cob of the Week" nominations. If you haven't been here before (and who hasn't?), we nominate the worst performances in the Big 12 from last week.

They come after this jump line, so keep reading!

Cobby: Mike Leach Master Understands Distraction

Everyone knows Mike Leach likes pirates. He has pirates in his office. He has a pirate parking place. Too bad pirates don't like him though.

Everybody has had that friend when they were young that had to do things different because it attracted attention. Remember how Tommie would blurt out a line of cuss words at lunch for no reason? Everybody thought he had some disease, but no, Tommie just wanted to be noticed. Tommie grew out of it (mostly). Mike Leach didn't.

Now comes news from Leach that players don't need Twitter or Facebook. They cause distraction. They draw attention to the players instead of the team. What they really do is draw attention away from Mike Leach.

Leach said players don't need Twitter or Facebook. He called them "stupid" distractions.

"I think that a guy who plays college football gets enough attention," he said. It's "a bunch of narcissists that want to sit and type stuff about themselves all the time. We'll put mirrors in some of their lockers if that's necessary but they don't have to Twitter."

I guess if anyone could recognize narcissism, it'd be Captain Piratehead himself. (See! A play on Jimmy Buffet's Parrot Heads..... does Tech have a group that call themselves Pirate Heads? I bet they do next week!)

Husker Mike: Missouri's Offensive Line & Big 12 Schedule Makers

Missouri's offensive line would be my candidate. They can't even block teams like Nevada and Bowling Green; how's that going to work against Big XII defenses? Derrick Washington has been rendered helpless by this hapless group; on Friday night against Nevada, he was stuck in neutral almost all game until he busted a long run on his own, shaking off two tacklers in the backfield to triple his yardage totals for the game.

Big XII schedule makers. What a horrible slate of conference games last weekend. 3 FCS teams and two byes on the schedule. Are you guys trying to make us watch baseball on Saturdays?

JLew: Robert Griffin's ACL

It deserves a cob for ruining (potentially) Baylor's season. Hurts bad when it's a team trying to break through without a lot of depth. Oklahoma can deal with Bradford's injury better than Baylor can deal with losing their QB.

Poll

Your vote for this week's Big 12 Cob Of the Week?

Robert Griffin's ACL

46 votes

Missouri's Sucky Offensive Line

41 votes

Big 12 Scheduling (Or Lack Of)

39 votes

Mike Leach, Narcissist and Master of Distraction

71 votes

197 votes | Poll has closed

Dan Hawkins Resents Your Conflama (Old Dan Tucker Version)

Cobby — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 23:08:01 -0000

Sung to the Folk Tune "Old Dan Tucker"

Old Dan Hawkins was a mighty coach
Until he got to the land of the roach
Worst day as a buff better than red
But he'll keep goin' ‘til Ralphie's dead

Get out of the way for old Dan Hawkins
He's got no time for all your squawkin'
60 yard run with the quarterback bookin'
Old Dan Hawkins stands there lookin'

Write your stories with conflama
Just like they do in Alabama
Ten wins this year is what he said
makes you wonder what's in his head

Get out of the way for old Dan Hawkins
He's got no time for all your squawkin'
AD Mike Bohn swears nothin's cookin'
Old Dan Hawkins stands there lookin'

Players can't run, the line can't block
The whole department's deep in hock
If he's fired he'll still make a haul
It ain't intramurals, it's Big 12 football!