I party like its 1999. I am America’s next top model. I never sweat.
My strengths outweigh my weaknesses.
I am constantly caller number 9 and win tickets to all the best shows.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a toaster oven.
I’m a stellar hugger and a world-class cuddler.
I dance with the stars.
I consistently beat Chuck Norris in arm-wrestling.
I once read Paradise Lost, the Odyssey and War & Peace all in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I shower daily.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy eveningwear.
Sushi is my favorite food group.
I bake 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes flat.
Mums love me and children want to be me.
I know the exact location of every item in the supermarket.
I always pick the fullest and most symmetrical Christmas trees.
On Wednesdays, after rugby practice, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I eat soup. I am a go-getter. I sleep once a day. Basically...I am the Greatest Of All Time.