Good morning, y buenos dias, TSTer's! It brings me great pleasure to provide you with May's last Random Ramsdom. With the sweltering (depending on where you live, and bless you if you live anywhere in the DMV) month of June steadfastly approaching, it seems as though NFL news, too, seems to be heating up! Speaking of which, there are certain NFL players that find themselves in 'hot water,' both with the NFL and the law dogs. 'Listen Mr. Detroit law dog....law don't go around here. Savvy?' In this instance, I'll side with Sheriff Goodell!

One thing that should not be hot, however, is the tip of your finely rolled tobacco product. You probably already knew it, but Cheers anyway....it's 'World No Tobacco Day!' For those of you who have already enjoyed your first tobacco product of choice, fret not, for indeed this 'holiday' is both Random and....well....probably hated by many. Only five weeks past 4/20, Janoris Jenkins is unfazed by this holiday. In a teleconference I had with him yesterday, I asked "How hard is it going to be for you to give up tobacco for 24 hours?" His response....

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Happy NBA 'Powerball' Day TST fans! If you're a University of Kentucky Wildcat fan, much like yours truly, then you're probably hoping that you're team ends up with one of the team's 2011 Championship squad. If you live in Washington D.C., Virginia, or Maryland.......well, you're definitely a Wildcat fan, at least for the evening. With two of the projected top three picks, Coach Cal's one-and-doner's are about to get paid. Where do they go? Where's your team? Who you want?

If you're still watching the NBA playoffs because your team is still in it......I'll provide you with two welcomings. 1) Congrats!, and 2) Hows the suspension on the bandwagon?

Here's to John Wall, and his fabulous Dougie, joining forces with another Wildcat! Go Wiz!!

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One position that's been relatively overlooked for their poor play on the offensive side of the ball for the St. Louis Rams is the Tight Ends. Inconsistencies, in both blocking and passing, have made them just another cog in the disappointments we've seen from our offensive line and wide receiver corps over the past couple of seasons. While other teams, a la Patriots and Saints, are producing tight ends that tally over 1300 yards and score double digit TD's in a season, the Rams top TE amassed 352 yards and zero touchdowns in 2011.

It's clear the TE position has evolved in the NFL. Exploiting match-ups against smaller safeties and slower linebackers, NFL teams are turning to tight ends who look more like basketball players. Given the right player - with the right athleticism - and proper coaching, the tight end can be an advantageous as playmaker in any offense. We may have the right player, and he may have the skill-sets, but adequate coaching for our tight ends has been non-existent for the past three years. That's all about to change...

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Since the beginning of time, it’s been well documented that star athletes, especially QB’s, get the ‘it girl Whether it be the head cheerleader, the most popular (or famous) girl, or a saucy number who just so happens to have a 4.0 GPA - the force of magnetism simply cannot be denied. Ladies, if you dare to be hot, Cupid will find you, and he will coerce you to learn more about football than Mardy Gilyard can ever comprehend. I’ll dare you to resist, as his wallet has a few million reasons that you’ll re-consider.

Let’s take a look at a few of sports finest ‘opposite poles,’ their inability to beat science (and a chubby, arrow-slinging angel), and what that means for one NFL quarterback by...let’s say...week 6.

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...bought Danario Alexander a new pair of shoes. It's an interesting story, actually. I dined at a local Chinese food buffet yesterday. I, over-indulging in General Tso's chicken, Buffalo Wings, some brightly colored 'pork' on a stick, and polished it all off with a finely swirled vanilla ice cream cone. Then I got to the '...in bed' portion of my meal: The Fortune Cookie.

Now, for those of you who may not know, the only fun thing about fortune cookies is getting one that is slightly sexual so that when you add 'in bed' to the end of it, you nearly spit out your Chinese Diet Coke. Other than that, let's face it, they might as well be crackers. At any rate, I shredded through the packaging like Ralphie looking for a Red Ryder bb gun, and it read...

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There is nothing wrong with your computer. Do not attempt to adjust your picture. I am controlling this transmission.....In reality, I can't do any of the things the 'Control Voice' did during the opening narration of the The Outer Limits, but what I can do is hopefully provide you with a bit of Random, somewhat 'light' on the Ramsdom, sports news to jumpstart your day. For those of you who've managed to grind your way through 'hump day,' I salute you! Grab your morning beverage of choice, take a seat, nestle down into the finely crafted groove created by your tookus, and begin your coast towards weeks end.

This Thursday feels different, doesn't it? There's procrastination in the air! Since NFL owners have approved to move the trade deadline from week 6 to 8, I feel obliged to do the same for you. Such an event should be celebrated. No matter the normal start time of your work day, you've been awarded a two-hour delay! Your boss'll understand...if not, tell em DC sent ya...late. And if that doesn't work, take the jump... Maybe there are employment opportunities on the other side...

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Maybe some of you are familiar with the work of David Heeb, from Bleacher Report, and others (including myself) are not. Regardless, he wrote this most recent article about the game-by-game predictions for 2012. I, for one, am optimistic, though skeptical. Others who think the 2012 squad can exceed 2010 results will be pleased to read what Heeb has to say. For a look at how the Rams make the playoffs (and the all important poll), click on the blue link below....

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This Clap...

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OR....

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....a few symptoms of both, and most importantly the poll right about.......now

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Excuse me! Hello! Let's quiet down here folks. Is this mic on? Check 1, 2.........check 1,2. Ok, we got a hot mic here. My name is Kerry J Byrne and I've come to TST tonight because DCRamFan sent me an email, and his response to my writing this is unsettling. For the safety of my family, I'm taking a proactive approach and coming to your site tonight to address your 'concerns'. Just so that you know, the restraining order that I've placed on DC should take effect immediately. If you suck like he, and the Rams do, then you'll listen closely to what I've got to say...

Just so that you can get to know a little bit about me, before you unfairly criticize me and my work, I've got just a few things to say.....I'm somehow employed as a sports writer. I share a name with a woman. My mustache is broken. I wear a C-cup. Of all the hair styles, I've chosen 'Alfalfa.' So, now that we've been acquainted, I wanted to address some of the comments that I've read on your site today, and share with you a bit of what won't be tolerated. For example, DCRamFan, and I'll just give you the two first lines of his email, said:

Dear Kerry,

I'd like reimbursement for the pair of Nautica Khakis that you ruined today, because of your post 'St. Louis's terrible, horrible no good, very bad Rams.' It's difficult to control your bladder when you're laughing hysterically at a comedy skit that you thought was a football write-up.

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via prod.static.rams.clubs.nfl.com

The wiki-definition of a strength and conditioning coach is:

‘A fitness professional who uses exercise prescription specifically to improve performance in athletic competition. Strength coaches also help athletes with injury prevention and proper mechanics within their sports performances.’

Wait...They do what? For a moment I thought that my spell check had auto-corrected the description. "Injury prevention," eh? Digging deeper, and thinking that maybe we only had a strength coach who paid no mind to the conditioning aspect of the job description, I found Rock Gullickson. For a closer look at the man who should’ve been spotting Rodger Saffold, take a jump....into the rehab pool

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Not going to attempt to sell you on hand goo, Albert Haynesworth (or any other troubled soul), or a freak run-in with our most recent short tenured defensive coordinator with this one. Amongst all of the grading and speculation surrounding our most recent draft, I went back to a question that I saw in many mocks, and probably heard several times on draft night shortly after we swapped spots with the Dallas Cowboys for #14: Can you still get [immediate] elite level talent at 14? Was 6 to 14 too big of a drop? Let me preface by stating that I still love our draft, and all the picks we accumulated before and during it. Here's a list of the #14 picks for the last decade.....does it sway your opinion one way or another?

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***I love a good story! How about a bit of fiction to help with the post - Draft withdrawal symptoms? - front paged by DouglasM***

You’re not going to believe this, but shopping at my local grocery store this past weekend, I bumped into someone who’s very pertinent to the Rams, and I thought I’d share my encounter. I should preface this story by stating that I don’t visit the grocery store very often, as I’ve got a boss wife that does the majority of the shopping and.....well......I don’t know where anything is and I hate going. I know that there’s a produce section, simply because that’s the main entry, and there’s a wonderful chilled aisle of delicious adult beverages - - the reason for my visit. But I digress....as I enter the store I’ve already made my decision on my beer of choice, which I prefer to enjoy with lime. Great! The two sections of the store I’m familiar with working together harmoniously. So while I’m feeling out limes, which I’m in no way qualified to do, I glance across the table and directly in front of me is.....

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As a typical morning goes for DCRamFan, it’s a quick jog with the pups, then a cup of coffee with the NFL Network in the background as I thumb page by page through my Merriam-Webster dictionary. Juevos verde con jamon is my favorite book, though the storyline is somewhat difficult to follow. As I got to the midpoint of my favorite chapter of the book (V), I couldn’t help but notice a word that I’d overlooked the first four times I read it. Smack-dab in between ‘vomiturition’ and ‘voodoo’ was a verb, which had previously avoided my keen eye. I thought I’d share it with you, as it (oddly enough) affects the upcoming NFL draft, and possibly the St. Louis Rams. That verb.....’Vontaze.’

Vontaze /von-taze/
(v) 1. To fall or drop downward at high speed. ex: After a 7-9 season in 2010, the St. Louis Rams vontazed to the bottom of the NFC West in 2011, winning only two games.

For the language of origin, and more importantly, a few thoughts on Arizona State linebacker Vontaze Burfict and his draft stock, take the jump...feel free, however, to test your vomiturition skills at any time.

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I've got to admit, whether it's my apparent white trash Kentucky roots, or growing up in Northern VA (dangerously close to the West Virginia border), I love the show 'Storage Wars.' If you haven't seen it, it's essentially all of my cousins getting together (with the courts permission, of course) to bid on 'lockers,' or storage units that have been defaulted on by their original owner. It's typical to see the door of the unit pulled open unveiling an old TV, a bedbug ridden mattress, a unicycle with no wheel, or cardboard boxes filled with your deceased grandmothers unmentionables. BUT every so often (meaning every show), amongst the clutter and garbage, they find that diamond in the rough.....that needle in a haystack. Are these 'lockers' any different than our locker room? You tell me...

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Fresh off seeing the new Nike uniforms that the Rams will be wearing in 2012, Sam Bradford heads to the Edward Jones Dome to wear the old getup out onto the field one last time. Oddly enough, Danny Amendola had the exact same idea. Having heard that Danny was at nearly 100%, and more importantly not going to be catching passes from Tom Brady, the two embrace. Great minds, in old uniforms, think alike.

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Strolling around the world wide web this morning, I stumbled upon an article on Bleacher Report discussing where the remaining free agent running backs would be likely to land. Certainly not the top free agent remaining, with guys like Cedric Benson, Joseph Addai, and Ryan Grant still available, the article saw the Rams as a good/likely suitor for Jackie Battle. The season-ending injury that Jamaal Charles suffered in week two [thanks for killing my fantasy football season], afforded Battle the opportunity to see some real playing time, virtually splitting carries for the remainder of the season with Thomas Jones. He's probably not the 'answer,' his highlight reel is short, but his injury list is shorter, and depth (haha) at the position needs to be addressed. A little about him, and what he could bring....

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It’s early in the 1st quarter, and the opposing offense seems to be moving at will towards their end zone. You take a larger than expected gulp of your beer, and think to yourself ‘how many of these am I going to be forced to drink this season?’ Like a well-oiled machine, a mix of run and pass plays are effectively picking apart our defense. You KNOW that 2012 has to be different than 2011. [Right?] By now, you’ve let an expletive or two fly as our opponents have us backed up to the end zone, and in prime position to strike at our 7 yard line....and then it happens. One of our players reached down, deep down, to that fiery place in his gut and makes an utterly courageous move. He had had enough, and knew that he single-handedly needed to put this drive to an end, and get his defense off the field. It is a highly effective, potentially season changing move...

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It goes without saying that every team needs a veteran presence, both in the locker room and on the field. Experienced players impart wisdom upon the younger members of any team, and in any sport. With imminent stardom, and a fat wallet, we've seen our fair share of young NFL players make unwise decisions, embarrassing themselves and their organizations - costing them thousands of dollars - and sometimes leading to incarceration. Is it that those players are young, immature, and selfish.....or is it that they haven't had the guidance of an NFL veteran who's seen how fame and fortune can negatively impact a players career. What we need on the Rams, I propose to you, is someone with a voice......someone who's not afraid to speak up. That person is none other than two-time Super Bowl Champion...

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I'm not sure why I did not think of this sooner, but every so often I get flabbergasted when I hear people who want to retain the services of Danario Alexander. It's always surrounding the 'potential' that he has, based upon his size and, when mobile, speed. A red zone threat, maybe? But how rarely have we been in the red zone, and how rarely is he on the field? Danario has played 18 games in the past two seasons, and considering he's had (at least) 5 knee surgeries, his reliability and durability need to be more a focus than his potential and athleticism. More questionable, is your opinion and how it applies to your geographic location...

via www.battleofsaipan.com

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Let me start by stating that the intent of this post will not be to talk you into or out of thinking that Mike Wallace should be a Ram, but more so a 'what he's worth' approach to the matter (my apologies if it's been done already). In all honesty, TST is the only place I go for the latest 'Wallace to the Rams' aspiration posting. Outside of this venue, it appears to be a never-conceived thought on reputable sites such as AllSportsIntel, UncleBobbyG's Twitter, or ESPN. If you use your Google machine to search for the latest buzz on Wallace, which isn't a whole lot more than speculation on teams that he'd be a good fit, you won't find much concrete. A lot of articles point to the Ravens or Bengals as potential suitors....wouldn't the Steelers love having to see him and AJ Green twice a year? Ray Rice, Anquan Boldin, and Mike Wallace....shizah! That's probably the best 3-team conference in football!

But I digress...as free agent Wide Receivers drop like flies, 'visiting' St. Louis as if it's a highway rest stop along the way, some Ram's fans do what's natural....try to find hope. Our, meaning TSTer's, approach to the FA period thus far has been 'yea, let's go get that that guy! Could you imagine how improved we'd be with _________.' Twenty-four hours later, it's something along the lines of 'F that guy, he sucks anyways, and I'm glad we didn't overpay for him!' We then, of course, move on to the next best thing. And now we find ourselves where the well is nearly dry. The 'list,' at this point, is short. In discussion with fellow Rams fans, it appears to be anyone that the 49ers no longer want, or Mike Wallace. I think that there's no doubt that Mike Wallace is as advertised. He's a legit #1, and a deep threat. He's a proven commodity. He's certainly more worthy of Deseans contract, than Desean is himself. So if you're interested, what is he worth?

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Not to step on the toes of the one, the only, Douglas M but I miss these. In all honesty, they're the reason my wife gives undesired feedback about my listening skills. 1000+ comments on some nights, fun banter amongst the TSTers, and the occasional 'Bar break' were almost as important as the games themselves. Obviously, there's no prize, but in light of the 'bounty-gate' scenario that's looming over our team, I thought it might be fun to start one up. Hopefully you guys want to participate like the MNF Caption Contests that I miss so dearly. We can use the ever-elusive 'rec' to determine the winner.

Have at it...

By now it's no secret that there has been some wrong-doing in the NFL in regards to the 'bounties' being placed under Gregg Willams' regimes, and it certainly is going to impact the upcoming season for our St. Louis Rams. I'll be honest, after the Rams 'cleaned house', Williams was hands down the coaching acquisition that I was most excited about. His defenses are aggressive, albeit risky, and exciting.......something ours have not been in some time. However, in all of the speculation surrounding whom it's going to effect (both individuals and organizations) , for how long, and how much ($), something that's being overlooked is who is responsible for leaking the information that could lose us Williams for the season, as Goodell looks to repair the 'earth shattering' events he's come to find are true. Could it be a disgruntled former Saint, whom Williams thought wasn't good enough to make the squad? No, it's worse. It wasn't anyone looking to get back at the Williams (or the Saints for that matter), but someone who sought to crush the renewed spirit of Rams fans....

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In the second installment of "If you can’t beat ‘em, cheat ‘em", I’d like to discuss another manner with which the Rams can use unconventional wisdom to pull out an extra ‘W’ or two in 2012. As the pallets of ‘Stickum’ continue to roll into my warehouse, which just so happens to be my 98 year old neighbor's two car garage (no, he doesnt know), my offseason plans for our Rams are starting to fall into place. If you’re not familiar with ‘Stickum,’ simply put, it’s the gummy substance I’ve acquired (in bulk) to make our WR’s look like.....well.....WR’s again. Offensive production should skyrocket as thrown balls remain in the hands of our receivers, but we must take a pro-active stance in terms of keeping our opponents in check. The aforementioned ‘catch ensurer’ makes us better, but does nothing to make our adversaries falter. For this, I’ll require the assistance of one of the Ram’s greats....

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The combine will undoubtedly create a bit of a buzz for us Rams fans just chompin at the bit for the latest in the rumor mill, but the majority of us are awaiting the upcoming free agency and draft periods for some definite answers. In case you've got half the afflictions that Helen Keller did, and haven't seen the site as of late, the main discussion surrounds who we take with our top pick in April's Draft, whether it be at #2, #4, #6, #8, or any other (apparently) even number moving down the board. There's been plenty debate as to whether LT or WR should (and rightfully so) be the choice that Jeff Fisher and company make. I've flipped and flopped, flopped and flipped, until just moments ago decided that I want Blackmon. Here's why.....

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Left tackle? No! Wide Receiver? Sort of. Slightly outside of what seems to be the norm (in terms of free agency talk), Devin Thomas might help fill a few of the Rams needs this upcoming season, but not necessarily on the offensive side of the ball.

The name may ring a bell, not only as recent member of the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, but more so due to the fact that former Ram Donnie Avery snuck ahead of him in the 2008 draft. Haven’t heard from him lately? Most haven’t.....unless you’re a Giants fan. So, just what does he have to offer the St. Louis Rams?

Taken with the 34th overall pick of the 2008 NFL draft, Thomas (selected by the Washington Redskins) had a very short college resume, but displayed extreme potential. The Michigan State Spartan product had an extremely productive junior year with 79 catches, a school record, for 1,260 yard, and 8 TD’s. Choosing to fore go his senior season, the combine only helped improve Thomas’ value as a legitimate NFL prospect, as the 6’2", 218 WR was able to run a 4.4 forty. Putting on display his size and speed, he was just a botched Rams pick away from being the first WR selected in the 2008 draft. BUT, knowing what we know now, could we have done any worse?

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In the second installment of ‘Who Can the Rams reunite with Jeff Fisher’ we’ll venture into the world, and often troubled mind, of the 6th overall pick in the 2005 NFL Draft - - Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones. For some odd reason (and I’m in contact with AT&T), the phones haven’t been ringing off the hook as I suspected they would after posting ‘Stickum"? Saving money, and guaranteeing success, apparently doesn’t appeal to NFl team owners and management? More recently, I provided viable reasons for why a fiscally sound contract for Albert Haynesworth would reinvigorate both he and Rams. Since I’m on an intellectual roll, I will now "make it rain" with reasons why Pacman Jones should be a St. Louis Ram in 2012....

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Hey, Hey, Hey TSTer’s! I’m am sure at this point, many of you are suddenly feeling your temperature rise, and can hear a faint whistling in your ears. Do not fret, for this is indeed rage. I’m certainly not a Doctor, but I can assure that I’ve got the remedy... Either that, or your heads will explode?

What I’m about to do, is discuss the possibility of our new head coach - Jeff Fisher - bringing back his once-dominant - now dormant - defensive tackle, Albert Haynesworth. The remedy for your madness? I’m sure that you’ll find expletives and ridicule will work just fine. See the ‘Post a New Comment’ section below for immediate relief. So find your mental happy place, hit the break aaaaand away we go!

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image via i.cdn.turner.com

Now, I know what you're thinking...'how is this hairstyle supposed to help the Rams win in 2012?!?' Well, my friends, it's the not the fine lubricant in this mans hair that I'm here to examine. What I'd like to discuss, and gather your opinion on, is the copious amounts of adhesive that he's chosen to give his arms a bath in.

Note by Eric Nagel: Bumped to the front page. Forget Blackmon or Kalil- we need to go back to the basics. To stick, or not to stick?

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