Happy now, you simpering pollyannas? Is a 5-0 deficit, which might as well be 5,000,000-0 with the way the bats are going, enough to convince you?

Torre is running circles around Pinella. If Zambrano murdered DeRosa and Lee, there wouldn't be a jury that would convict him.

I put the over/under on Cub baserunners for the rest of the game at 2.

This is the most disgusting, pathetic performance I've ever seen by an alleged good team. Perhaps they have golf dates. Perhaps they don't give a hairy rat's butt.

Different this year my ass.

This is a post for you to vent. This isn't for the people that say, "Well, if we hit a grand slam, it's 5-4!"

That will not happen. This game is over. This series is over. This season is over.

And by the way, a team that commits two errors in an inning IS NOT THE BETTER TEAM! Let's end that garbage right now. When the Dodgers win Game 3, it will not mean the better team lost.

This is for every Cubs fan that wants to vent, without worry for the pollyanna post police that infect every thread.

This is the place for you to call Dempster a gutless punk. This is the place for you to gripe about Soriano swinging at anything in the same zip code. This is the place for you to wonder exactly what Lou did to make these guys tighten up.

This is the place for you to think Marshall and SU*$^Q!%)(!#%djza are overrated goobers who couldn't keep a 4-2 game close. And what a wondrous decision THAT was, putting those guys in key situations in the playoffs.

This team let us down tonight. I know they tried. They didn't mean it.

That don't feed the bulldog. Figure it out, boys.  DO NOT embarrass the city and the fans again this year with an NLDS sweep.

And I hope the fans boo their m-fing lungs out.

Tired of the pollyannas telling you that you're too negative? Come on in here. Vent, hate, rage, whine, bitch, whatever.

You deserve it.

Jeff Spellcheck is helping Lou make his postseason roster decisions.

Thanks, Jeff! Way to pick up Harden, who was having, for him, a bad day. Good to know you have some of that old Notre Dame choking spirit in you!

So, who gets to be on the postseason roster?

Zambrano; Lilly; Dempster; Harden (4)

Wood; Marmol; Howry; Gaudin; Marquis; Marshall; Hart; Guzman (8)

Soriano; Edmonds; Dome; Johnson; Pie (5)

Lee; DeRosa; Theriot; Ramirez; Fontenot; Ward (6)

Soto; Blanco (2)

Bleep Spellcheck

For those that don't follow the NFL, here is where we stand:

1) Chargers-Broncos. Ed Hochuli makes a bad call. Blows a play dead. Denver keeps the ball. Scores TD to make it within one.

2) Replay is useless because the play was blown dead

3) Broncos go for two, get it, win the game

4) Chargers coach livid. Ref admits he blew it.

5) Ref downgraded. Might not get to work playoffs. Gets hate mail at his office because some lowlife San Diego radio person or Internet dude publishes it.

6) Lots of gnashing of teeth about replay

Here are some thoughts, put as delicately as possible.

To the Chargers players and coaches: SHUT UP YOU PATHETIC PIECES OF WHALE VOMIT! LEARN TO STOP SOMEONE!

To Norv Turner: YOU HAVEN'T WON A DAMN THING IN YOUR LIFE AS A HEAD COACH. THAT REF IS 1,000 TIMES BETTER AT HIS JOB THAN YOU ARE AT YOURS

To the NFL: NICE JOB OF THROWING THE REF UNDER THE BUS, YOU COWARDS

To the Chargers fans: MAY THE FLEAS OF 1,000 CAMELS INFEST YOUR ARMPITS, EYEBROWS AND OTHER VARIOUS HAIRY PLACES!

Sorry for the caps. I've been simmering something fierce about this one.

I go off for a few days to get married. Saturday, Aug. 30, I became a kept man. As you might expect, I didn't get near a TV that day.

Cubs lost.

Sunday. Day after stuff. Packing for honeymoon. Wife insists on getting the thank you notes done BEFORE we leave. No TV.

Cubs lost.

Then I'm in Playa del Carmen from Monday to Monday. I can see the little crawl on ESPN Deportes in my room in the few minutes I have while the wife is getting ready for dinner.

Cubs lose every game but one.

I expected better from ALL of you while I was gone. This is unacceptable. Clearly, I can't leave. The Cubs need me too badly.

I can't believe this is a serious debate, but apparently, it's quite the in thing to suggest that the 2008 "Redeem Team" could be better than the 1992 "Dream Team"

Poppycock and Balderdash!

Here are the rosters:

1992: Christian Laettner; David Robinson; Patrick Ewing; Charles Barkely; Scottie Pippen; Michael Jordan; Clyde Drexler; Karl Malone; John Stockton; Chris Mullin; Magic Johnson and Larry Bird.

2008: Chris Bosh; Jason Kidd; Lebron James; Dwayne Wade; Michael Redd; Dwight Howard; Tayshaun Prince; Kobe Bryant; Chris Paul; Carmelo Anthony; Carlos Boozer and Deron Williams

The arguments appear to be the following

* The 1992 team had an aging Larry Bird, collegian Christian Laettner and a semi-retired (and aging) Magic Johnson, whereas the 2008 team is young and frisky.

Counter: Except for LeBron for Laettner; Kobe for Bird and Chris Paul for Mullin and maybe, maybe Dwight Howard for Ewing, you wouldn't trade any of the 1992 team for the 2008 team. So it is idiotic to say 2008 was better. Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer, Tayshaun Prince, Michael Redd and Carmelo wouldn't have been fit to wash the jocks of the 1992 team.

Further, the 1992 team wasn't even the best possible that year. Jordan refused to pay if Isiah Thomas was there. Laettner was thrown in as a nod to the college kids, but he wasn't even the best choice. It should have been Shaq.

* The 1992 team had no competition. The 2008 team did, and destroyed them.

Counter: It is ludicrous to think that a team that included Magic, Jordan and Bird, three of the greatest winners in NBA history, would have not responded to competition. Had any 1992 opponent dared come within 20 points, Jordan would have shut them down completely.

In a 7-game series, the 1992 team wins 4-1. Maybe 4-2 if LeBron goes off one game.

Discuss.

Times of London piece

In response to a U.S. computer security expert's findings, the IOC has finally opened an investigation into the age of gold medalist He Kexin.

Blogger's site

The above link details how he did it. If I understand it right, he essentially used the Chinese version of Google to do a search for Excel spreadsheets. He found one page the Chinese goverment hadn't gotten to.

Couple of observations:

1) Clearly, the IOC had to be bullied into doing this, and they weren't going to do it until the Games were nearly over. They will quietly send the U.S. team the the team gold and Nastia Luikun the uneven gold.

2) It's hysterical that there are about 400,388 journalists over there, flying kites, getting acupuncture, touring the Great Wall, doing cute features on cab rides and using their computers' thesaurus to figure out new words to describe Michael Phelps, and not one of them breaks this story. It was broken by a blogger.

3) Get Bela an interpreter

The federation of gymnastics must love this. That is the only explanation. They understand that the all-powerful American market will have, in general, three reactions to any event with an American gymnast.

1) The American kid got screwed!

2) The American kid won, even though they tried to screw her/him

3) The American kid has no chance. What else is on?

Clearly, Option 3 is not acceptable to gymnastics or NBC. So, we go for Option 1 & 2, as evidence by the uneven bars thing last night.

My favorite was when Al "The American Baghdad Bob" Trautwig yammered on about how some judges represent countries that have never medaled in gymnastics. So... only Americans, Russians, Chinese, Japanese and Romanians should be judges now?

I've having a harder and harder time recognizing gymnastics, or any judged activity, as a real sport. Yes, yes, these young men and women are absolutely amazing, but you know what? So is the Undertaker. So is Jackie Chan. We don't consider pro wrestling or movie stunt work a sport.

I'm good at fixing things. My award-winning work on the technical balk is legendary. I've got a plan for gymnastics.

1) Make the routines compulsory. So much of this garbage has come from whether a routine is harder or easier. Everyone does the same routine, period.

2) Get mean. You fall off the beam, bar, rings or horse, you get a zero. Knees touch the mat on the vault, or you go out of bounds, zero. Butt hits the mat on the floor exercise, get out. That will at least alleviate the "Chinese girl fell, but still won bronze!" nonsense.

3) MORE, not less judges. This seems counter-intuitive in a rant about judging, but the more judges, the less any one can overly influence things.

4) Give every home gymnast an automatic .05 deduction, just to account for the crowd effect on the spineless, corrupt judges.

5) Give Bela and interpreter.

Ted Lilly showed his hitters, the Braves, and the rest of baseball that there is NOT a bullseye on the backs of Cubs hitters.

He didn't go headhunting. He put the pitch where it needed to go. The Braves player got all twitchy, but even Bobby Cox pointed him to first base.

Umps didn't eject anyone. No one got hurt. There will likely not be a suspension, although I guess there could be a fine.

Meanwhile, the pitcher who instigated all this, Bueno, got three games, but the Braves, classy as ever, sent him down. Nice way to reward your paid assassin, Bobby.

He's got a 5.02 ERA and a .284 average against in AAA. He's a thug with an arm, brought up to do a job. It's 50-50 whether he sniffs the majors again to even see that suspension. I'd bet $50 the Braves trade him first.

The high road is great and all, but baseball was impotent to deal with this. Lilly dealt with it the right way.

Hunting season on the Cubs is OVER.

Instant Replay A-Coming

It could be coming as soon as next month, for fair/foul and fan interference calls.

Baseball is finally getting with the times! And they are actually improving on the NFL model. According to Verducci, there will be no challenge flags. Managers won't get a say in which ones are reviewed.

One of the stupidest rules in the NFL is that you only get two challenges per half. So, if the refs screw you three times, you can't do anything about it. Idiotic.

Now, let's move on to some other idiotic traditions that should be done away with.

* Managers should wear trousers and team polos, like the NFL. (It's too hot for suits, like the NBA) I'm sick of looking at 60-year-old men pack themselves into baseball uniforms. Gross!

* Sit down and shut up. The NBA has technicals that result in free attempts at shots. The NFL has unsportsmanlike conduct the adds or subtracts yards. Time to give the umps something in between, "Bite my tongue and hope he goes away" or "Yer outta the game!"

Give the umps to power to call technical balks. A manager or player argues too much with a man on first, guess what? He's going to second. Keeping it up? Looky there, he's on third.

If it's the batting team that's arguing, then the ump has the power to add strikes to the count.

* Get rid of obstacle courses in the outfield. The Enron Minute Maid atrocity is a joke. Just wanted to get that in there.

Post-Dispatch story

The story also says that Edmonds told two St. Louis reporters, "I'm (bleep) done with St. Louis"

If all this is true...

I...freaking...love... it.

For too long, Don Tony has tried to paint players who dare leave as horrid traitors. Now, his childish acts are coming back to haunt him. The St. Louis media is acting as if Edmonds killed their kittens, slapped their children and ravaged their wives.

Edmonds was never a Cardinal. He was a Cub waiting to happen.

Wood not close

Can you freaking believe this? Seriously, Kerry. It's a freaking BLISTER. Real people work with them all the time.

I think we have found a MORE ludicrous injury than Sosa sneezing and ripping his back up.

Yes, yes, we all feel bad for Kerry. We all are just so inspired by his determination and grit and all that stuff. He's like Josh Hamilton without the nose sugar.

He's going to need a rehab assignment at this rate.

I'm saying the minor leaguers will be up on Sept. 1 before he will. What sayeth you?

Here's a list of Cubs I'm tired of seeing on a day-to-day basis:

Bob Howry -- It's been real, Bob. Go ply your trade with the Yankees.

Daryle Ward -- Seriously, does this guy bring anything to the table? Aren't there 1,000 guys who could strike out with the bases loaded and have no real position in the field?

Jason Marquis -- I'm just tired of him. It was a mistake to get him and it's been a mistake to keep him.

Others who are on the verge:

Jim Edmonds -- It was fun while it lasted, Jimmy. But maybe the Padres did know what they were doing.

Kerry Wood -- A freaking blister? A FREAKING BLISTER???? He won't be back until Aug. 15 at this rate

Alfonso Soriano -- Still waiting for your hot start, big man.

No-hitting the Scarlet Pigeons through 4.

I know we're supposed to be rooting for a split or something, but I'd just as soon see the Brewers pluck the Cardinals and send them to oblivion.

Let's see, 38 words to go. I really think the Cardinals will fall apart if given the right push, so let's see if we can get the Brewers to push for us. That way, we don't get those icky feathers on our hands.

Get off the ledge. Sack up. Stop punking out. Quit whining about Soriano. Stop making D Lee the 14th best 1st baseman in the National League.

Stop demanding that everyone get a day off, or get moved to 8th in the order.

DO NOT bow your head to a Cards or Brewers fan.

This is a long season and you have to trust it. If we finish a game ahead, that's fine. At the end of the season, you don't get extra runs in the playoffs if you win by 10 games and clinch in August.

You aren't the manager. You aren't the GM. You aren't the hitting coach.

You don't know better than them.

You're the fan. Pop a beer and enjoy.

First, I assert that it is absolutely ludicrous to base home-field advantage on this game. The fact that all teams must have at least one player alone is enough to make it a stupid idea.

Home field should go to the team with the best regular-season record. Cubs win 99 and Red Sox win 100? Guess what, we're going to Boston for four games.

Selig told Mike & Mike yesterday that hotel accomodations make that impossible. I've heard that B.S. before and no journalists asks how the NBA and NHL manage.

So, how do we fix it? How do we make the ASG worthwhile?

Money.

The owners, players and sponsors all kick in money. How much each side contributes is immaterial, but the end result should be $15 million.

The top three vote-getters on each team pick their favorite charities. Winning teams' charities get $3 million each. Losing team's charities get $2 million each.

* Players and managers will still want to play and win, for public relations purposes if nothing else.

* Player voting will take on a whole new role, as it is crucial to be in the top three.

* Baseball gets a major p.r. boost overall.

* Six charities get some funds.

Ratings Down Across Board

You know how we Midwesterners get tired of the Yanks-Sox? Heck, Al makes a point of saying it when he recaps the regional coverages.

Well, it turns out we Midwesterners are bad for business. Ratings are down because the Yanks and Sox aren't playing all that much yet.

We have a moral obligation to turn this around. Here's my plan:

* Nothing is more important than watching the Cubs game if it's on Fox or ESPN. NOTHING.

* Yes, Joe Morgan is an idiot and Tim McCarver could be his stupider brother. But you must mute. Do not switch to the WGN feed. Do not listen to the radio. Do not "watch" on Yahoo on your Blackberry.

* You can mow the lawn later.

* The garage isn't that dirty.

* The trash man isn't coming on Saturday, so tell your wife the trash can wait. (Yes, you can race out during a commercial, but you risk falling into the Honey-Do Web at that point. Be strong!)

* Your teenager's car will still be in the ditch after the game.

* The faucet will still be flooding the bathroom, and it needed cleaned anyway.

* The beach just gets sand in your suit.

* Your wife will understand if you miss labor, especially if it's your second or third one.

For the women that frequent this site, please understand that I do not mean you when I reference the wives and girlfriends here.

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN TURNING THIS AROUND. The very future of our sanity as baseball fans depends on not being force-fed Yanks/Sox for the rest of time.

Bernie Miklasz column

I joined Cub nation in the mid-1980s. I had just moved to Central Illinois and I found myself captivated by a certain slugger with the largest arms I'd ever seen outside of a wrestling ring.

Fans bowed to him as he strode to the plate. I bowed with them.

That was a simpler time. The Cubs -- save 1989 -- were too harmless to be anybody's enemy. The Cards and Mets and Bonds Pirates traded the division back and forth around us. The beer was cold and the women were hot. There was little talk radio and no Internet and the hate wasn't flowing.

Sure, we had 1998, but that was harmless too. Sosa and McGwire hugged and clapped and practically gave each other steroid injections. It was just so...pretty.

Back to mediocrity we went, while the Cardinals and Astros dominated the division. But now we hear the evil things Cardinals really say, on their message boards and talk radio. 

Then 2003 -- and the world changed.

Dusty Baker has a lot of faults, but he got one thing right. He told us winning was better than having a good time. Winning WAS the good time. He couldn't live up to it, but he at least got the fans pointed in the right direction.

Cardinal fans were already there. Yes, sometimes they did good things, like cheering Edmonds.

But you see in this article just how much contempt those people are greeted with. Edmonds will not be cheered today, nor should he be, anymore than we should have cheered Sosa if he ended up in red.

This is a rivalry. There is bad blood. There is hatred. And yes, there can be mutual respect and moments of sportsmanship.

But we are a lot closer to Red Sox-Yankees than any of us want to admit 

Joe Buck interview with Cowherd

He crams before games. He would rather watch "The Bachelorette" instead of a weekday game.

This is the voice of the World Series. This is the voice that 10-year-olds (when they can stay up) listen to calling the game. And he no longer has interest in the game.

Our fathers had Harry Caray and Jack Brickhouse and Ernie Harwell and Jack Buck. Our kids have this twerp.

Cardinal fan friends of mine say they actually can't stand it when Joe Buck comes back to FSMW to do Cards game. They say it sounds like he think he's slumming.

It's time for the Commissioner to start Commissioning and tell Fox that it is no longer acceptable to have Joe Buck and if they don't like it, NBC or CBS or ABC would be more than happy to get the World Series.

If Joe Buck's name was Joe Blake, he wouldn't be able to get a job calling the Peoria Chiefs. And he has the gall to disrespect the sport that made him famous, and put food in his mouth.

To hell with him. It's time for new blood in the booth.

Chacon Released

I take it no one wants him, right? Too bad he didn't shove a traveling secretary. (Or really, too bad his ERA wasn't below 5...)

Sorry about before. I got my back up and shouldn't have posted. A site I used to write for always said, "Smile from the wrists down."

I'll remember that from now on. Please accept my apologies, Al. And halfblindcubbiegirl specifically and anyone else generally I offended.

Thanks

The Red Sox are a slimeball organization to put up with this.

I understand that you don't release your best player for this. You don't trade him. I get it.

But he needs a vacation. One game. Maybe two.

Nothing the Tampa Bay Rays will do these next three games is worth the message you just sent to every ballboy, janitor, secretary and clubhouse person in your organization.

Look out! Not only will you get figuratively slapped around by the big boys, you just might literally get it too.

You can buy rings, but you can't buy champions. Right now, the Red Sox have the title.

But they don't have "it."

Any whining or crying over getting swept?

It happens.

Other teams get to play too. It's part of the game.

We take 3 of 4 from the Giants and 2 of 3 from the Featherbrains and we're right back to it. Even if we split with the Giants, we're in good shape.

Even if we go 1-6, we're still in it.

Anyone that even hints at being negative will be beaten soundly. It is not allowed. Go root for the Cardinals if you want to be negative.

Who has the hotter fans, the Cubs or the White Sox? Let's put it to a poll.

Women are encouraged to answer because us eye-candy Cubs males need some support too! It's not easy being this beautiful!

And they aren't on the poll, but let me say I've found some dang hot Cardinals fans too. In fact, I'm marrying one of them.

Anyone ever seen any hot Brewers fans? I mean, you have to get past the smell of bratwurst...