Phew. That was a scary time in the trunk of PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries' company car. Thank God Mattblack keeps vegemite in the trunk (or as he calls it 'the boot') or I would have starved to death. I finally managed to escape from the Pinto's trunk after Wendel Bark gnawed on the wires. Since fighting my way back to a computer I've decided that it might be in my long-term interests to present some sort of peace offering to PPP ('benevolent' my ass! This should have been a hint as to his true nature) so I am going to ask everyone here to head over to the NHL Arena and vote for this website.

Now, there are a lot of reasons to vote for this spiritual home for Maple Leafs fans but if I learned anything from the Overlord Elections it's that it pays to go negative. Also, it helps to count the votes but in this case that's impossible so after the jump find out why the other candidates deserve only your scorn.

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The other day we looked at Canada's defence to try to figure out who would be sporting the Maple Leaf in Vancouver. But what about the Leafs' defenders? Should any of them start booking their flights to the West Coast? The snap reaction will be to look at the Leafs' current 29th ranking in goals against per game (3.50 - yikes!) and call them all bums. However, some countries just don't have better players. I know, it's weird. Canada might be spoiled. Without further ado, check out after the jump to see if you agree and then share your thoughts in the comments.

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TRIPLE P HERE WITH EXCITING NEWS! MY ALMA MATER IS HEADED TO THE VANIER CUP!

Even as the doom and gloom of the 2009-2010 Toronto Maple Leafs' season has been threatening to overwhelm all and sundry and Liverpool's title challenge is postponed for more year a third team of mine has strung together a couple of unbelievable wins to get into the National Championship Game. On the back of one of the most exciting games of football - at any level - the Queen's Golden Gaels slew Goliath in the guise of the Laval Rouge et Or (Red and Gold for you anglophones). The best part: Laval gets to play host to the Vanier Cup next weekend! Neate Sager noted how much credit was being given to the Gaels' chances by the Canadian media as the team entered the game as a 12.5 point underdog. However, a dogged defence that sacked the previously untouched Benoit Groulx seven times, another great performance by quarterback Danny Brannagan and a 120 yard missed field goal return by Jimmy Allin were enough to get Cinderella one more dance.

To say the crowd was electric would be an understatement. With each touchdown the crowd roared out the Oil Thigh and the packed house seemed to have an effect on the Laval juggernaut that has won 5 of the last 10 Vanier Cups. At one point it almost looked like the Golden Gaels were going to run Laval out of the stadium as they built a 33-13 lead and the chants of "over-rated" boomed from the student half of Richardson Stadium. However, Laval hasn't become the premier CIS program by accident. They targeted the Gaels' biggest weaknesses Alex D'Aprato and Matt Vickers (I think, 20 and 28 look similar and the announcers were worse than I am at figuring out who it was) who were repeatedly torched for the second week running on long passes. The University of Calgary Dinos feature another high-powered quarterback so the defence will have to find a way to address that hole.The Rouge et Or were only down 3 with just over a minute left and faced a 3rd and 10. Enter Frank Penkewich who stripped Benoit Groulx to seal the win.

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Let's get this out of the way: Vesa Toskala played great last night. He had a .912 sv% including 8 stops on 9 shots when down a man to mark his first good game of the season. The one goal on the penalty kill came because Exelby got caught in no-man's land between the shooter and Troy Brouwer. It's too bad Toskala isn't about 3 inches taller or he would have stopped the second goal but overall the Leafs would have been in deep trouble if not for his great performance in the first.

Speaking of the first, did anyone else have a flashback to 1989 when a Blackhawks forward stripped a doddering Leafs defenceman and then snapped a shot past a surprised Leafs goalie? Sadly it was Luke Schenn playing the part of Todd Gill. He only played 12:37 last night and Ron Wilson's musings about whether he will have to bench him in order to get his message across are coming closer to fruition. Good thing Schenn is only 20 or we might have to panic.

As DGB noted, Phil Kessel is indeed awesome. Two clean wrist shots led to two goals and you could see the confidence building in his shot and the panic increasing in the Blackhawks every time he started lining up as they ran to try to disrupt his attempt. While Kessel doesn't seem to need someone to set him up he does need a linemate that gives him the confidence to be able to draw the defenders towards him before dishing the puck. Too often last night he looked for quick one-twos but his linemates were unable to get the puck back to him. Here's his stat line so far this year:

So far his shooting percentage is pretty close to what he put up last year during his breakout season. It's still very early but when he's on the ice I can't take my eyes off of him waiting to see him hit full flight. Possibly the most, ok second most, impressive thing about the new guy is how hard he is willing to backcheck. I think I've counted at least 4 2-on-1s and a breakaway that he's disrupted by using his speed on the backcheck. So much for being a lazy floater.

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Editor's Note: In the grand tradition of every computer but my laptop being an absolute MFer I have appropriated this dormant account forever. Thanks buddy!

Oh yeah, write an FTB. MattBlack told me that he was going to be heading to London to visit his beloved Stamford Bridge and to visit Trafalgar Square, Nelson's Column, Hyde Park, The Royal Albert and Westminster Abbey in order to remind himself of the glory days of the British Empire and of course I forgot that I had to write this morning's collection of Barilkosphere links. So without further ado:

• Kavel gets us started with a couple of giggles.
• Hockee Night was not impressed with Luke Schenn. Me neither. It was, however, nice to see him get upset. Next up: getting good again.
• How do you know that Raptors season has started? Posts like this one will grow in frequency.
• The Leafs waking up and the Hawks taking a breather made for a thirsty group of Chicago bloggers.
• Vintage Leafs shows us just how close fans used to sit to the players. Imagine how much you could chirp players back then and they still won Cups. Weird.
• Two Line Pass looks at some fun college hockey traditions not including signing with the Maple Leafs.

If you've got anything else just toss it in the comments

Update

• Steve is not a fan of Matt Stajan.
• Space Weed is a fan of Phil Kessel.
• Hungry Leafs Fan wants to know who gives you nightmares? He has 13 scary NHLers to kick off your restless nights.
• Rock finally got to see a game live and he has some thoughts for us.
• The Torontoist looks at opening night for Maple Leaf Gardens.
• Puck Daddy looks at the disputed goal from last night's goal.

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Rene Fasel, the pliant head of the International Ice Hockey Federation, has indicated that the IIHF will give Jiri Hudler his transfer card regardless of the feelings of USA Hockey so that he can begin playing for Dynamo Moscow of the KHL:

“We’ll give the American side some space, so they can explain their reasons for their unwillingness to confirm the transfer card,” the Russian RIA Novosti news agency quotes Fasel as saying. “If we see the reasons are not that important, we’ll give him the card ourselves.”

This despite Hudler having filed for arbitration as a restricted free agent, which would require him to play at least one more year for the Detroit Red Wings. Fasel himself recognizes that his organization is to blame as the precedent was set with the poaching of Alexander Radulov despite a contract with the Nashville Predators:

“It all started with the (Alexander) Radulov case, who left Nashville for Ufa under the valid contract (last season), and the IIHF did not interfere,” Fasel said. “We do not like it, because players must fulfill contractual obligations. Now we have changed our rules a little, because the NHL is not included in the IIHF family. But in any case, everyone should obey the law.

This is one more flashpoint between the three sides as the Russian Federation refuses to signed a transfer agreement and the NHL threatens to end its Olympic participation after Vancouver 2010. This would keep any Russians in the NHL from participating in the 2014 Sochi Games, which prompted Capitals' superstar Alexander Ovechkin to state that he'd quit the NHL in order to play in his homeland. To top it all off, this conflict has played out against the drastic decline of Russians in the NHL.

The NHL, KHL, and IIHF are scheduled to meet in Zurich on September 29, 2009 prior to the Victoria Cup between the Chicago Blackhawks and the ZSC Lions to try to come to an agreement on at least some of the flashpoints. At this point, we're more likely to see the Phoenix Coyotes' saga end.

For some reason I can't log in with my username from my parents' basement so thanks to MLB for lending me his (dormant) account.

The long hockey season is finally over. More than 1200 games later and the Penguins' tank jobs and threats of relocation have been vindicated, their fans can believe that they are not bandwagoners (obviously they are for the most part), and we should be prepared to read that the Leafs should trade every NHL-calibre player that they have on their roster to ensure at least a half decade of propping up the league just like Pittsburgh. The Pittsburgh Model will be ubiquitous in the Toronto media and the Detroit Model will go by the wayside. Maybe they'll look at the fact that the Wings are headed towards some salary cap problems or that going cheap in goaltending will eventually cost you (nice work on that second goal Ozzie. Talbot will never score on the three feet of wide open net). Mostly, they'll all laugh at Maid Marian Hossa. As my dad said, it's fitting that as a former senator he was completely invisible during the series and especially so during game seven. At least he didn't score the Cup-winner into his own net. Amirite Chris Phillips?

Anyway, it was a tough game to watch mostly because you're watching another team and fanbase celebrate knowing that the Leafs are so far away from winning it themselves. That's a sickening feeling. Penguins fans just had to wait 17 years and one massive leap off of the bandwagon to see another Cup. Meanwhile, we've actually stuck around during tough times and are still waiting patiently...Not that the Leafs didn't impact this series.

At last year's trade deadline the Leafs moved Hal Gill to the Penguins for a third round pick second and fifth rounder. Gill helped the Pens make it to game six of the final before bowing out. This year at the deadline Ray Shero brought Gill some more support.

Hal Gill

#2 / Defenseman / Pittsburgh Penguins

Height: 6-7

Weight: 250

Born: Apr 06, 1975

In the final Gill was a + 2 on a team that was outscored 17-14 throughout the series to go along with a +8 rating for the playoffs which was good enough for 10th best. He didn't get any shots or points but he provided what he always has provided: a solid, dependable defensive effort. Personally, I was happiest to see him raise the Cup.

But the Leafs' influence didn't end there. On February 14th the Leafs handed the Penguins a second spanking that saw Malkin and Tyler Kennedy manhandled by Luke Schenn while Max Talbot watched on in fear. The next day the Penguins' transformation began as Michel Therrien was canned (not the last coach to get his walking papers courtesy of the Leafs) to be replaced by Disco Dan Bylsma. Max Talbot learned what being a man was all about which undoubtedly led to him scoring two goals last night in game seven. Perhaps most importantly, as Chemmy pointed out to Ray Shero, the Penguins realized that they needed depth in order to win the big prize and that's just what Shero picked up at the trade deadline.

So along with a hearty congratulations on a long, morally bankrupt trip back to the mountain top to Frank D and Hooks Orpik at Pensburgh and Derek, Adam, and Charlie at The Pensblog I offer a big You're Welcome from the Maple Leafs. You couldn't have done it without us.

Thanks to the wonderful world of self-publishing we might someday be subjected to a book by Mr. Howard Berger. It'll take the place of honour in bargain bins and as part of the $1 hardcovers sale at bookstores across the GTA. What the book would contain is pointless to consider...I mean, considering the subject it would be pointless to read what the book contains. It would be infinitely easier to hit up any member of the Barilkosphere and do a search on the hairy-lipped hot air-spewing putz.

To put the proper perspective on his latest column choices Berger has been so bad in the past couple of weeks that people are actually suggesting that he might be worse than Damien Cox. DAMIEN COX! THE FREAKING OMEN! Did any of you think that you would see the day?!?!

His latest piece is a tour de force. I won't go into the Berger Bingo aspects of the article and do not click over. It starts out by suggesting that the Leafs are doing something wrong by trying to trade McCabe and that Fletcher is acting out of character and ruining his reputation around the league (sure) as if they were doing something unique. There are the obligatory potshots at the fans (if I see you at the Cup parade in 2012 Berger I will actually punch you in the mustache. Write that down four eyes) and a stunning display of Berger Logic. Here is all you need to read:

Last summer, I was inundated with a particular ilk of e-mail, informing me that the Leafs’ only problem in 2006-07 was the sub-par goaltending of Andrew Raycroft. “The Leafs greatly reduced the number of opposition shots on goal last season, and would have been much further ahead in the standings if not for Raycroft’s blunders,” was the gist of these messages. The hockey club obviously agreed, as then-GM John Ferguson coughed up a first-round draft choice to San Jose for Vesa Toskala. And, Toskala – after a slow start – proved to be among the elite netminders in the NHL. Why, then, did the Leafs fall from a 9th-place club that missed the Eastern Conference playoffs by one point, to a 12th-place team that missed by a mile-and-a-half? The Raycroft theory was blown to smithereens.

I sense the scapegoat this summer is Paul Maurice – the coach that everyone in Leafs Nation welcomed with open arms, only to throw overboard when the club continued to founder. If that’s the case, then Ron Wilson has one hell of a task in front of him. At best, the 2008-09 Leafs are two-thirds as talented as any Toronto club in recent years. It is a team, however, with a front-line goalkeeper that will steal a game here and there. But, the aggregate will show in the standings, where the Leafs probably won’t surpass 75 points. How, then, will Wilson be received?

It's a long excerpt because I wanted to get the full gist in here in order to save you the need to click over to The Fraud's site. As an asid: I just had to pour a bucket of visine on my eyes to stem the bleeding).

To refresh your memory, here are a couple of posts about Andrew Raycroft and his stats from 2006-2007 and the post here the day that Maurice got fired which lists a plethora of shortcomings on the coach's behalf that torpedoed the season. Oh yeah, and the backup going 2-9-5 sure as shit didn't help things.

Anyway, read that Berger passage again. How stunningly simple is the man? The Leafs' suckage in 2007-2008 vindicates Andrew Raycroft because it proves that the 2006-2007 season was not his fault because a team cannot be terrible two years in a row for two completely different reasons. Put another way, here's how Berger might approach other such puzzles in his life:

• My latest girlfriend Linda left me because she didn't appreciate my stalking here. This just proves that Dolores was delusional when she said our relationship ended because of my cross-dressing.
• My mechanic said that my '83 Datsun broke down because when I hopped the curb in pursuit of some evil Leaf fans I broke my axle. That proves that I was right when I told the other mechanic that my car did not break down because I forgot to make an oil change for 50,000 kms.
• My being labelled as a useless tool by Leaf fans for being unable to present a coherent argument and for relentlessly making unfounded or invented statements proves that people don't think I suck because I lied about Sean Avery and got sued.

Howard Berger is in his element. He works in a place where rumours have Sundin going to a different continent every day run by a charlatan so it makes sense that he would be welcomed with open arms for being such a simpleton. He actually thinks that the Leafs' poor season last year means that it is impossible that the Leafs failed for a different season two years ago. Does anybody else see this? Please tell I am not taking crazy pills. I'd hate to be on the same drug as Berger.

I am guessing that PPP missed this because he doesn't read The Sun but Steven Stamkos is a fan of the tank:

"To be a Leaf would be a dream come true," said Stamkos, who already has 80 points in just 46 games. "I idolized the Leafs growing up. I've always been a Leafs fan.

"I'm not going to lie to you. I've checked out the NHL standings. I pay attention to where the Leafs sit. I know they're near the bottom of the standings. The chance of (getting picked by them) definitely is in the back of my mind."

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Forget firing JFJ (because it finally happened!!! allegedly.) or replacing Maurice or trading away the team: sex will solve everything

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I came across this job posting on the Battle of Ontario site. I think maybe we should get our resumes ready. The qualifications don't seem so tough to meet.

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If you guys haven't been to Cox Bloc then I suggest your run/type quickly to it. First Godd Till solves the mystery of Steve Simmons and his rapidly changing opinions and he does it with an obscure anarchist reference to an even more obscure English striker:

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In the early 90s that pairing would have been deadly. Now one or the other could serve to save the Leafs from further decline. Granted, there is not that far to go but that just means that there is a tonne of room for improvement.

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