As a lifelong Louisianian and Mississippian, I've never grown up with a connection to any baseball team. My Ole Miss Rebels provide plenty of entertainment (and disappointment) on the diamond every year, but I wanted to find a baseball team that I could connect with in the Major Leagues. All of my friends implored me to be a Braves fan (we are, of course, the South), including my brother-in-law, who really got me paying attention to baseball. We've also got some Astros and Cardinals fans here and there, but none of these seemed to fit. I did however, notice a few trends in my appreciation for the major leagues.

I've always loved the underdog. In my time spent watching MLB (and other sports), I've always pulled for the underdog. This means that I should fit right in with the Camden crazies. As a Rebel, we've spent years in mediocrity with bright spots that mimic those of Baltimore's. As a Saints fan, I'm still coming to terms with winning, let alone winning a Super Bowl. As an Oriole, I jumped on the train before this 4 game start, but knowing that there was a great manager in charge, some young guns, room for potential, and something else that was very important: ample opportunity to hate the Yankees and the Red Sox (seriously, why does ESPN continue to lend credence to a team playing SO POORLY ALREADY).

I was glad to find a great community here at SBNation where I could jump right in and truly show my support. I joined before this great start, and I've had fun debating with my friends about the future of this team. I'm learning names, I've ordered shirts and ballcaps. I'm organizing a summer trip to catch a game. I truly am all-in here. I hope that y'all can accept me as such. I've brought a friend along for the ride, too, as he also was a major league orphan, and we've had fun following tweets and app updates this past weekend and today.

Are there any other things that I truly need to know? Bear with me, as I am a newbie, but I want to be a fanatic, and not the Philadelphia kind. 

Thanks, and Go O's!

My Saturdays spent in the Grove at Ole Miss have kept me from getting these in until the last minute. Apologies, but here they are in time for Kickoff. Who Dat!

12 Reasons to hate the Carolina Panthers:

1.     Are you the Charlotte, NORTH Carolina Panthers? Or the  SOUTH Carolina Panthers? Pick one or move along, folks.

2.     They are imposters. Panthers found in the “Carolinas” are actually Mountain Lions (Puma concolor). This panther (Panthera onca) is found exclusively in Africa and Asia.  Are they ashamed of their own panthers?

3.     60% of the time, their cologne works everytime.  But it’s made with real bits of panther, so you know it’s good.

4.     They never loved their beloved Hornets. Despite their poor judgment and taste, North Carolina’s loss is our gain.

5.     I thought 14 year olds weren’t allowed to play in the NFL.

6.     North Carolina wasn’t really the birthplace of aviation.  I think it’s clear that the state has a series of delusional instances. Fake panthers,  fake flyers.

7.     As long as they are taking credit for both states, then “Carolina” has to acknowledge Ms. Teen South Carolina as their own.

8.      The Saints lost to them last time.  In fact, the Panthers hold a winning record. 16-12.  This is unacceptable, and a true reason to hate.

9.     This is just weird. And it’s happening in Charlotte. So, it’s the Panthers fault.

10.  Carolina claims to have a rivalry with the Dallas Cowboys.  Nobody gets to claim a rivalry with the Cowboys just because…Everyone hates the Cowboys.

11.  The Panthers signed Will Smith to their roster. Whoops.

12.   This song should die.

Here they are, making the deadline by a hair.  As always, feel free to post your own, and enjoy the jokes! Keep drinking that haterade:

12 Reasons to Hate the San Francisco 49ers:

 12. Rice-A-Roni, The San Francisco Treat!  Whodathunk there’d be a poor-man’s version of hamburger helper? Do any of us remember eating this? No. Because our parents cared about our safety and made us jambalaya ‘n’ stuff.

11. The gold rush that these so-called “49ers” participated in started in 1848. Either they can’t count or they are liars. Why support, or even offer sympathy for, dumb liars?

10.  Whatever happened to predictability? The Milkman? The paperboy? Evening TV? Oh yeah. It went to San Francisco.

9.   The Room.  If you haven’t seen this movie, put it on your Netflix queue, right now.  It is the best worst movie of all time, and with about 1,000 establishing shots littered throughout the film, not only do you know that it was made in San Francisco…you know it could ONLY be made in San Francisco.

8.  What in the…what? What is this? I don’t even…uhh…I think it’s the love-child of Gilligan and the Skipper on steroids.

7.   If you’re going to San Francisco, be ready to have this song stuck in your head. Forever. No. I refuse to wear flowers in my hair. I wonder if Patrick Willis would perform such heinous acts.

6.   I rented a movie about the history of my favorite beverage, and it turned out to be the wrong Milk.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

5.  Guys! Don’t hate- Communicate.  Could you get more San Franciscan than this article?  Yes, there’s just too much hate in Pro-Football.

4. I don’t want to be that guy, but I’m going to be that guy. If the Madden Curse is going to be fulfilled, it’s coming tonight.  From P-Willie.   And yeah, I hate that.

3.   They, like many teams that we hate around the league, are moving their stadium to Santa Clara, California. Many of you may not know this, but that’s NOT SAN FRANCISCO.  So, we’ve proved it, they’re liars…

2.  They claim to be “The Team of the 80’s”.  That’s like being the warmest town in Alaska…Not many good things came from the 80’s. I consider myself one of them. Imagine Saints fans, would you rather be  a loser in the 80’s or a winner today?

I rest my case.

1. Another winning streak is on the line! Who Dat!?

I'm back! Welcome to the first edition of this season's 12 reasons to hate. Please remember the rules. These are just jokes, and please, supply your own at will. For a recap of last season's 12 reasons, check here. Enjoy: 

1. Brett Favre's ankle.

I'm all for supporting your team, Brett, but going so far as to changing the color of your ankle? Oh, he's such a gunslinger. So totally unpredictable, that fella!

2.  Brett Favre's middle name.  Can we just call him Lorenzo from now on?

3.   Brett Favre's tears.

Norris's cure cancer, Tebow's lead to National Championships and first round draft picks, and Favre's make the 24 hour news cycle nauseating.

4.   Jared Allen wants to "beat the tar" out of the Saints. Perhaps he learned what that feels like from that time he spent in jail after his third DUI.  1? Standard for his type of personality. 2? Dumb and dangerous. 3? He should be playing less red rover and spending more time on the All-American Longest Yard team.

5.  They are trying to take away Reggie's Heisman. This has nothing to do with the Vikings, but c'mon!

6. But they TOTALLY deserved to win the Super Bowl last time!  It was the curse! The Saints stole the victory from the Vikes through shoddy officiating, unsportsmen-like defense, and Adrian Peterson's serious addiction to fumbling. Also, see any excuse other than the fact that the Saints were a better team.

7.   Prince. He be stealin' our wimmenz and changin' his name ‘n' junk.  Also, he writes songs about the Vikings beating the Saints.  That worked out well last time.

8.  Alright, let's clear this up once and for all.   It is Purple and Yellow.  Not Gold. This is Yellow. This is Gold. Get it? What are the bets that we'll have to revisit this come Steelers time?

9.  Skol is bad for you. You could get mouth cancer.

10.   Many of you know that a Vikings fan told me that a loss in last season's NFC Championship was going to feel like losing my house to Katrina again. I promptly boycotted his wing restaurant and when I got back to Oxford, MS this summer I discovered his business had shut down.  So sad.  Apparently, not everyone understood the power of my wrath, as this guy continues to muster up bad voodoo for the Vikes. Admittedly a Bears hall-of-famer, Dan Hampton didn't do these guys any favors, and because of it, we have just another reason to hate.

11.  Minnesota's state sport is ice hockey. I don't even have a joke for that. The joke is in the context.

12.   They are undefeated. Go get ‘em, boys. WHO DAT! DREW DAT! TWO DAT! REPEAT DAT!

EDITED WITH HIS RESPONSE:

Write to Tim Rose (the original Admiral Ackbar) at info@admiralackbar.co.uk

Here's what I had to say:

Mr. Rose,

Here at the University of Mississippi, or as many prefer to call it, Ole Miss, we have struggled for years with issues of racial equality and the understanding of many cultures. Amongst this debate, the Ole Miss Rebels have encountered anger, frustration, and vocal opposition in our attempts to move away from an on-field sports mascot that resembled the southern American Civil War general, Robert E. Lee. While Colonel Reb was created in the 1970's (10 years after the violent integration of black students on our campus), he was removed from athletic events in 2003, based on requests from other schools that refused to play against our teams, the coaches who found it hard to recruit African American players, and students who felt offended to be represented by such a mascot. I tell you this, because this week, Ole Miss will finally attempt to put our racial woes behind us, and vote on whether or not we want a new mascot on the field during our sporting events. Among the many typical dogs, sharks, and birds that have been suggested, a large grassroots movement has forged an effort to become the Ole Miss Rebel Alliance, with Admiral Ackbar leading the way! This is the website with much of the information that has been created:

http://notatrap.org/

I send you this for a few reasons:

1. The hope and utter enjoyment that you have inspired in many people around the world with your characters continues to fascinate and excite me.


2. Many of us would love a statement of your support or denial of this movement.


3. Some things are just too cool to not tell the creators about.
Thanks for your time in reading this arduous synopsis. Here at the University of Mississippi, there are many who still appreciate your contribution to puppeteering and acting. If you have any questions, you can reach me at:

________

or 

on twitter @dgmcdowe

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Hi There!

If it were only up to me, I would be thrilled and honoured to be the
Universities Mascot. But I would suspect that you will need to get
permission from Lucas Film who own the rights to the character. That's not
impossible to do, and if you write to them as eloquently as you have to me,
could be a distinct possibility. I wish you luck with your quest and look
forward to hearing future developments. 

Your letter has taken me back to my youth. When I was four years old my
parents were working as foster parents at a children's home in Cedartown
Georgia. I spent my days playing with the orphans that lived at the home.
We had a sand box to play in with lovely white sand from Pensacola Florida.
There was a black orphan that played with us who would ask to be covered in
the sand so the dust would get into his skin and then he could look like us
at least until bath time. 

That was in 1960 and the memory can bring a tear to this day. It's such a
simple truth, "All men are created equal" 

Tim Rose 
Admiral Ackbar 

According to a tweet by Ty Allushuski from Inside The Grove:

"Tony Grimes says he committed to Ole Miss cornerbacks coach Chris Vaughn tonight. His host on his official visit was "Z" Mason"

I think it's obvious what this means.  

Z Mason is the clear front runner for the open OC job for his athletic prowess and head recruiting coordinator because his name is Z Mason.  

Prove me wrong. I dare you.

(disclaimer: This is totally a joke.)

It's been a really enjoyable experience writing these for everyone, and I hope you guys had as much fun reading them as much as I did writing them.  This one was tough, because it seems that the teams with the best character tend to make it the furthest. I'd loathe having to find 12 reasons to hate the saints, even if I wasn't pulling for them. So, here it is. The last of the batch. I tried to clean it up a bit, so your links are all built in to the reasons, make sure you click them to get the full effect.  As always, give your own reasons, dispute mine, whatever...but remember that it's all in good fun. 

Thanks!

12 Reasons to Hate the Indianapolis Colts:

12. They Lane Kiffin’d the HELL out of Baltimore.

 As the city of Baltimore prepared to seize the rights of the Colts under an eminent domain clause, Robert Isray sealed the move with the Indianapolis mayor in the middle of the night.

 “By the time the city of Baltimore woke up, their World Champion team was gone.”

11.  To Peyton Manning, exposing ones private parts is just “another example of horseplay,” and not sexual harassment.

10.   Never in my life did I think I would find a mascot less intimidating than a stylized lily. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the Indianapolis Colt.

9. Reggie Bush’s Baseball Bat > Reggie Wayne’s Construction Hat

8.  In the recent Toyota recall of millions of vehicles, an Indiana plant was the one that supplied the faulty foot pedals that accelerate its passenger into oblivion. Thanks, guys.

7.  The mayor of Indianapolis is wagering a win with Shrimp Cocktails. Shrimp. Cocktails. Seriously? This is in blatant disregard for the city’s ability to make shrimp tastier than anywhere else. I call shenanigans.

One Indy resident remarked, and this is completely true, "It's like sending cheese to the mayor of Green Bay."

6.  The state of Indiana has a storied history of brilliant sportscasters. We’ve got reason to be jealous.

 5.   The state’s real name is Henry.

 Indiana was the dog’s name.

 4. Peyton Manning gives opportunities for journalists to write stupid fluff stories with trite alliteration. The worst part? That article is written by Michael Marot. So, to recap, “…The Mystery of Manning’s Masterful Mind, by Michael Marot…”

 3.  Who remembers this one?  I think the Colts are due for a little revenge on the big stage.

 2. I think we can all agree. Malt liquor is gross, but it does work every time. Lando Calrissian agrees!

 1. They are standing in the way of the grand prize.  I’ve been avoiding this reason since I created my “12 reasons”. But this is for all of the marbles. This one is for New Orleans. Do work, son.

So, we made it past one old quarterback, now on to the next. Please remember that this is all in good fun, but feel free to offer your feedback and your own reasons to hate!

12 Reasons to hate the Vikings:

12. In New Orleans, this guy would be arrested for vagrancy (a serious feat).

http://blog.lib.umn.edu/maasx003/Vikings/images/ragnar.bmp

11.  Vikings play two sports. Football and RAPE!

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/the-vikings-it-wasnt-all-raping-and-pillaging-1643969.html

Ok, fine. It wasn’t ALL raping and pillaging, but some of it was. HATE!1!!1!1!

10.  Adrian Peterson poses for nudie mags.

http://renovomedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Adrian-Peterson.jpg

9.  Brad Childress sounds like a very bored Batman.

Brad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eris504ei2E

Batman:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4qgTk8Vfyc

8.  Minneapolis used to be sister cities with Winnipeg. Apparently, they are too good for this gentle northern neighbor.  These docile canucks have since been replaced by Najaf, Iraq and Cuernavaca, Mexico, officially securing their reputation as the premier relatives of Marijuana and Opium giants.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minneapolis

7.   Some Vikings like it hot in this frigid state. In 2005, many of the Vikings were involved in a massive orgy on Lake Minnetonka. Gross.

http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/11960065/

6. Garrison Keillor.  While Prairie Home Companion is a great companion for any prairie home, this Minnesotan’s face for radio is reason enough to cringe.  He’s always reminded me of the melted Nazi face from Indiana Jones.

Garrison Keillor:

http://www.aceshowbiz.com/images/still/a_prairie_home_companion_02.jpg

Adolf Keillor:

http://www.b12partners.net/mt/images/lawyers_melting.jpg

5.  Fellow Louisianan’s, brace yourself as I reveal to you a politician more crazy and irrelevant than anyone that you have ever seen run for your local public office.

http://imnotbarack.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/jesse-ventura1.jpg

Jesse Ventura, Minnesota governor.

4.  Minnesota’s state drink is milk. Why is this relevant, you ask? Milk is delicious, a money maker, and a wonderful source of calcium and vitamin D.

It’s important because…THEY STOLE IT!

Louisiana designated milk as its official state drink in 1983, and following what was obviously a momentous PR success, the Minnesotans tried to replicate this by doing the exact same thing in ’84.

http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/Louisiana/drink_milk.html

http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/Minnesota/drink_milk.html

3. Jared Allen’s Mullet.

http://d0inw0rk.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/jared-allen-mullet.jpg

Business in the front, party in the back,  super-awesome stripes on the side.

Awful all over.

2.  Mall of America field? Can I order an Orange Julius in the Metrodome?

http://stadiumjourney.com/2010/01/mall-of-america-field-the-home-of-the-vikings-for-now/

1. I kept trying to decide if I wanted to put Brett Favre in this list.  I wasn’t sure if I could do better with or without him, or if I even had enough steam left to continue through the post-season. 

After a brief hiatus (and 2 losses), I'm back to continue the hate. Please feel free to leave comments and continue the Cardinal bashing. 

12 Reasons to hate the Arizona Cardinals:

12. The Male Northern Cardinal, of which the team’s mascot is based, is not even regionally based in Arizona. According to Wikipedia (which is always right), the Northern Cardinal’s expansive regional territory is found as far west as Texas, but not Arizona.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northern_Cardinal

11. They stake claim of fake championships. In 1925 and 1947, the Cardinals claim to have won the championship, but this was long before there was even a super bowl, and one of them was total bull, because the Pottsville Maroons TOTALLY beat them! 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1925_NFL_Championship_controversy

10. Larry Fitzgerald is so awesome that I can’t hate him. I hate that!

9. Kurt Warner encourages his family to stereotype people. When out to dinner, his family buys a meal for a family that seems less fortunate in the same restaurant. Says Brenda Warner:
“It’s gotten to be part of a game with the kids. They’ll say ‘Oh, that family has a lot of kids, dinner must be expensive.’ Or ‘They look old, maybe it’s hard for them to afford eating out a lot.’”

And they aren’t even good at it. Last year they bought a meal for a family of 20, just to find out that they picked up a tab for a Steelers player and his family. Whoops.

http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/28951831/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIGLW6g6qaQ

8. Their tea tastes like urine.

http://www.healthyvending.biz/Drinks/ArizonaTea.jpg

7. The Arizona flag is a perfect mix between the Japanese Imperial Flag and the Chinese Communist Flag. Do the Arizona Cardinals hate America? I’m not saying they, do, I just think these questions need to be asked. (Glenn Beck’d!11!1!)

Arizona:
http://www.paullyb.com/summer/2008%20usa/3%20grand%20canyon/800px-Flag_of_Arizona_svg.png

Japan:
http://www.ahoy.tk-jk.net/ImagesJapaneseAircraft/JapanFlag.jpg

China:
http://www.prophezine.com/Portals/0/article_images/china-flag.gif


6. Of all the Southwestern states, Arizona gets the gold medal for “lame”. 

Nevada has Vegas. 
http://www.lvabj.org/LasVegasSign.jpg

New Mexico has those Balloons. 
http://www.discoveramerica.com/ca/images/places/southwest-region/new-mexico/albuquerque/images/thumbnails/thumb-albu-international-balloon-fiesta.jpg

Texas has TexMex.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3286/2679753072_bc79fdca45.jpg

Arizona has…John McCain?
http://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/mccain-monster.jpg

I don’t want to hear nuthin’ ‘bout no freakin’ grand canyon, either!

5. Kurt Warner and his wife have 7 kids. Brenda Warner is not a woman, she’s a clown car.

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/2008/09/23-End/kurt-and-brenda-warner-and-family-all-seven-kids.jpg

4. Their stadium is named after a for-profit university that boasts a 16% graduation rate.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Phoenix_Stadium

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/11/education/11phoenix.html?_r=1


3. NOLA’s undrafted Beer Truck Driver is cooler than ‘Zona’s undrafted Grocery bagger.

Michael Lewis
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/stats?playerId=2825

Kurt Warner
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/stats?playerId=1682

2. The last two games, I didn’t hate enough, and those games were lost. That should be reason enough.

1. If you want to crown ‘em, then crown their a**, but they who we thought they were!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_N1OjGhIFc

It seems that everyone is predicting an utter failure of next year, leading back to our irrelevance and lack of bowl attendance, but here is the schedule, anyway:

How is a bowl unattainable?  We've got 3 freebies in Jax St., Tulane, and ULL, a Kentucky without Rich Brooks, Fresno at home, and TSDS (Teh skool down south lolz) in Oxpatch. That's at least 6, and one that might open up elsewhere down the stretch. I'm not thinking SEC championship, and I understand that We Are, Ole Miss... but the prospect of a bowl game doesn't seem out of the question.

If anything, let's just look forward to making the trip to NOLA in September. Here's to it NOT being Memphis.

It's that time of the week! Check out the 12 reasons after the jump:

Continue reading this post »

Reasons to hate the Patriots:

#5,075: Belichick eats puppies.
http://www.takeyourskirtofftombrady.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/puppy_sandwich-13064.jpg


#5,074: Randy Moss's accent. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsAr3VMTGIQ


#5,073: Tom Brady in 2000?
http://bostonist.com/attachments/boston_caroline/010307-tom-brady.jpg

#5,073: Tom Brady had a rule made just to protect his precious little knees.http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/articles/2009/03/24/brady_rule_steps_taken_to_protect_qbs_knees/


#5,072: The hoodie.
http://amykane.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/01/13/bel.jpg


#5,071: Randy Moss doesn't write checks. He pays in Straight Cash, Homey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07G23zMGa4g


#5,070: Colin Cowherd LIKES them.


#5,069: You know all of that Saints pregame coverage that we didn't see today? Blame it on this former Patriot OC and his half-assed season.
http://rockoutwithyourblogout.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/charlie-weis-travis-key-ap-michael-conroy.jpg


#5,068: Bill Belichick's Bodyguard beats up cameramen after HE screwed up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0yx2KMqulY


#5,067: Tom Brady wears a stupid hat of his own initials. 
http://d.yimg.com/i/ng/ne/ap/20090811/18/2559674453-sporting-tb12-logo-website-cap-new-england-patriots-quarterback-tom.jpg


#5,066: They are unconstitutional. 
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A59626-2004Sep29.html


#5,065: They Cheat. In the Superdome. 
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs07/news/story?id=3227245

12. Chris Cooley. He's like the Shockey of D.C., except there are pictures of his penis on the internet. Yep. Once, he was showing all of his great twit-friends his playbook for the upcoming game when he also snuck his junk into the shot. The link ahead has no picture, but a link to find it...if you are into that stuff.

http://www.bittenandbound.com/2008/09/15/chris-cooley-controversial-playbook-photo-postedoops/

11. They are racist. And being racist is wrong. "The use of this degrading and dehumanising term for a team name is offensive and hurtful to native Americans"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/1753321.stm

10. Joe Theismann. I don't so much hate Theismann as much as I love Lawrence Taylor. And L.T. ruined Thiesmann. Here's the video. Don't watch it. It's not worth the nightmares. Just kidding. Totally watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQ1iVRRu6w0

9. The Saints have a losing record against them. A bad one at that.

Against the Skins the Saints have 7 wins and 15 losses. This includes last year's loss. Redemption?

8. They are not in Washington...
Everyone calls them the Washington Redskins so much that people actually think that they play in Seattle! But that isn't the worst part. Even if you regularly watch football, and know that they are not a west coast team, you might not know that they aren't in D.C. This is just messed up. Landover, Maryland? That sucks.

7. Jason Campbell. 
This one will satisfy both my Rebel and Tiger friends out there. Go to hell, Auburn.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/sivault/si_online/covers/images/2005/0114_large.jpg

6. Santana Moss. He can't play the guitar OR grow on trees.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santana_Moss

5. The fact that this kind of stuff exists.
http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o197/Yelaza/Redskins.jpg

I'm not taking away from good ol' fashioned Dallas-Hate...but come on, FUOK Dallas? Learn to spell, kid.

4. The Redskins disagree with democratic values...
And regularly pick our presidents for us. Jerks. Thanks for trying in 2004, I guess.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/ballot/redskins.asp

3. Instead of firing Jim Zorn, they just stripped him of his play-calling duties, effectively giving him mandatory sideline season tickets to every Redskins game...Pretty mean.

2. Chris Cooley. Did I mention him already? 

http://bigheaddc.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/cooley.jpg

1. This. Is. Messed. Up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh5F5wP8RdU

12. Think about it. Bobby Petrino picked Arkansas over Atlanta. 





Arkansas.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3150783

11. Not so much “Dirty Bird”. More “Funky Chicken”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFlci-M5pO4 

10.Nothing good ever happens in Atlanta. Just ask Ray Lewis and Pacman Jones.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3817195
AND
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/football/nfl/news/2000/01/31/lewis_murder_ap/

9. Mike Smith thinks he can take DeAngelo Hall. This either says a lot about Mike Smith or a lot about Hall. I’ll go with the former. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BI0uJZqr9Us

8. Matt Ryan is currently attending the Tom Brady School of Douchebaggery. This includes an endorsement deal with “Axe Hair”.

http://superbowl.fanhouse.com/2009/01/29/fanhouse-talks-to-offensive-rookie-of-the-year-falcons-qb-matt/

7.They got rid of Brett Favre. Favre was traded from Atlanta to Green Bay for his former Southern Miss teammate, Tony Smith. Smith went on to play three mediocre seasons for the Falcons. Whoops?

http://misterirrelevant.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/cardboard-icon-brett-favre.jpg

6. The existence of the term “Hotlanta”. This most probably isn’t the Falcons' fault, but hey, you gotta blame somebody.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hotlanta

5. My phone number. 4 years after Hurricane Katrina forced me to get an Atlanta number, I am still getting calls for some random dude named Stephen. Stephen has yet to inform people that he changed his number. C’mon, man. 


4. Balloon Boy’s name is Falcon. Birds of a feather flock together.
The Atlanta Falcons are obviously liars.

3. The Saints have a long history with them, and it’s a losing one. The Saints clock in with 36 wins and 45 losses. That is gradually changing, but until then…HATE HATE HATE!

2. Shane Falco. Wears red. Named Shane FALCO[N]. That’s right. I’m blaming the entire Falcons franchise for the marketing success Keanu Reeves. Jerks.

http://www.themoviemind.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/shane-falco.jpg

1. Matt Ryan makes more money playing football than Peyton Manning. How absurd is this?

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via photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net

Undeated?

God, I hate them.

At this point in the eighth inning, it looks like the world's ugliest colors are going to take down the horns. And I know we aren't even close to that fateful November evening, but you know what? I cannot wait...I CANNOT WAIT...to destroy them.

These are the corndoggiest, sidewalkiest worthless fans on the face of the earth, and as I walk amongst them in South Louisiana this summer, I now fully understand why I, and many others,  ran as fast as we could to Oxford.

Baton Rouge can't go to hell. It most definitely already is.