More photos » by Ben Margot - AP

No joke. The Yankees just offered me a player to be named later in exchange for this photo of Kevin "Everybody Wants" Kouzmanoff.(AP Photo/Ben Margot)

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In links today, everybody is interested in Kevin Kouzmanoff. I mean bad. They want him so bad. And by "everybody", I mean kdukat and what's left of the Gaslamp Ball Girls. Hahahahaha...

No, I'm just kidding. Everybody wants Kevin Kouzmanoff.

• Winter Meetings Rumor Update
  Would a Geovany Soto-Heath Bell deal make sense for both sides? We check in with CBSSports.com’s Scott Miller from Indianapolis for the latest rumors on the Padres, Bell, Adrian Gonzalez, Milton Bradley, the Angels, Roy Halladay, Vlad, and more
• Several clubs interested in Kouzmanoff | padres.com: News
  Kevin Kouzmanoff, one of four prominent Padres who are eligible for arbitration and due a substantial raise, has apparently drawn the interest of several teams at the Winter Meetings.
• Padres 3rd baseman Kouzmanoff creating a buzz - Sports - SignOnSanDiego.com
  "We’re in fine shape financially at this point," he said. "Any moves will be made to try to make the team better."
• The Schmuck Stops Here: Orioles: The third man - Some say it’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt. I disagree. - baltimoresun.com
  the Orioles also have expressed interest in San Diego Padres third baseman Kevin Kouzmanoff

• Correia’s days may be numbered - Sports - SignOnSanDiego.com
  “They made an offer to me, but it was obviously below the arbitration value,” said Correia. “I could still end up playing here. And this is where I want to play. The door is not closed.”

• PADRES: Club talks Correia, Kouzmanoff at winter meetings
  "Nothing's final, but we're in the process of talking about a deal," Axelrod said by phone. "The proposal was not jumped at, but we'll talk again. ... Kevin's choice is to stay in San Diego for a variety of reasons. The only reason (he'd leave) would be if he was not compensated appropriately."

Unless something crazy happens, Brian Giles is done as a Padre. I know this got mentioned last week, but it never really seemed to get discussed. That could also be me just not reading the comments every day. Still, Brian Giles was, to me, the last member left of the first era of Petco Park.

By all accounts, he was a successful Padre and he was a member of successful Padres teams, but in the end, I think he'll go down, like most of the guys who introduced us to Petco Park, as a Padre that people will dislike because he was either weird or they'll feel gypped by him.

Is it strange that Padres fans dislike so many of those guys that opened up Petco for us? Ryan Klesko and Phil Nevin left with much of San Diego thinking of them as whiners (though Nevin's got himself a good talk show host thing going). Khalil Greene left as the guy who was fun to watch in the field, but ultimately, the weirdo who never really got around to hitting. Sean Burroughs, with his awkward running style and Golden League power, left even more expectations unfulfilled than any of those other guys. I even remember being excited when we got Ramon Hernandez and then thinking, "Oh. Is that it?"

I look at that '04 team and even though I have fond memories, I also have memories of bad breakups and disappointing exits. Maybe it's my heart's way of protecting me from too many tears already shed.

Maybe, when we say things like, "We should've kept Jason Bay", or "Good riddance, jerk" or "You can go beat women on your own time now", what we're really saying is, "We'll keep you in our hearts", "Travel well, sweet prince" and "I'll miss seeing you hit".

In any case, we have shed our skin of the last bits that remained from when Petco was new and waiting for its history to be written. That part of the history is written now and rather than look back on the weird and whiney with irritation. I will look back with fondness for the eccentricities and passion that those players had.

Good riddance, sweet, princely, jerks.

More photos » by JOE RAYMOND - AP

The object of infatuation, Dick Enberg. We're getting plenty of use out of this photo. (AP Photo/Joe Raymond, File)

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As you saw yesterday, Dick Enberg was named the TV play-by-play guy for 2010. Gaslamp Baller response has ranged from indifferent to almost hostile. I didn't think you guys liked Mark Neely. We had to like explain why Neely was likable and everybody was all like, "The only reason you like him is because he's nice to you!" Which may or may not have been true, but also suggests that many of you don't want us to like you.

In any case, jbox and I actually knew relatively early on that Dick Enberg was being courted by the Padres, but, being unprofessional and not so quick on the draw, we didn't realize that we knew. Let me fill you in...

Long ago, one Tom Garfinkel wined and dined your friendly neighborhood Gaslamp Bloggers. One stop during the course of the coolish evening was a private viewing box where Tom wanted to introduce us to "someone" who, if my mind lets me remember correctly, we'd "get a kick of out meeting". Unfortunately, that certain someone wasn't in the viewing box when we dropped by for our fateful visit, but Tom mentioned that the certain someone he wanted to introduce us to was Dick Enberg.

"The playwright?"

"No. The legendary broadcaster."

"Oh yeah, the playwright."

Oh, dear reader, if you could have seen the way young Tom's face shone alight at the thought of meeting Dick Enberg! Master Garfinkel was already gay with enchantment at the day dreamery prospects of one Mister Enberg supplying cadence in full measure to every pitch yon catch of our beloved base-ball club. Yet we did not know that, ignorant as we were.

To wit! The mechanics of young Tom's mind were already turning and spinning; miniature gyros and servos of imagination spun like furious monkeys, trapped in burlap sacks, stuffed with garlic.

"Let me riddle your minds young gentle-men with a conundrum, nay a dream; perhaps a dream made more of pipe than sustenance; a dream nonetheless that, if the young Tom you see before you has his way, may in fact come to miraculous fruition, not unlike Moses parting the waters before him, I hope to reveal to you in such a manner that you would not record this whether by pen or through means electronic, but only in confidence, so as to satisfy my cravings to reveal that which I have kept in the vault of my heart for so long yet not to reveal in my heart to those who would ridicule the cravings of a young man's imagination."

"What is it?" we asked.

A twinkle befell young Tom's eye and he appeared as bewitched as poor Lot's wife moments before being cast down as a pillar of salt as he whispered, "I hope to convince those who would allow it to make Dick Enberg our man who shall announce each play as they occur by play on the tele-vision. What thinks you?"

But before we could answer, young Tom was already fleeing away, rubbing his hands together in greedy anticipation of that which he knew he could achieve. Giggling like a schoolgirl in the spring time; those girls who know the secrets that would leave the hearts of young boys melted or crushed whether as an iceberg too close to the equator or smashed against rocks, the victim of glacial movements.

In any case, all of that happened pretty much as I wrote it, but jbox and I didn't realize that we had a scoop until just a few days ago when it was spelled out for us. We be not so bright like that.

If you're not out shopping right now, you're either avoiding the Black Friday crowds, or you're home now from the maniacs at the mall and you're trying to relax by reading up on one of the more frustrating baseball teams in existence, in which case, I wonder about your sanity. Maybe you were one of the maniacs at the mall.

In any case, you may be looking at this and you may realize that you actually wanted to buy something for somebody, but you forgot all about it and now you want Gaslamp Ball to bail you out.

Fine!

If I were you...  Here's what I'd consider getting them...

If I were you and you and I were Tony Gwynn:
A copy of Bert Sugar's Baseball Hall of Fame: A Living History of America's Greatest Game. Just a little something for people who offer me up weight loss advice and exercise equipment. Who's the Hall of Famer? Who's in this f__kin' book, homey? Is it you? Oh wait no. It's me.

If I were you and you and I were Anthony Keith Gwynn Jr.
A copy of Cooperstown Confidential: Heroes, Rogues, and the Inside Story of the Baseball Hall of Fame and Whatever Happened to the Hall of Fame by Bill James. Nice job being in the Hall of Fame, dad. Oh wait. Did you hear that they got Shilling's sock in there? That must feel good to be in the same place as that. That and Kouzmanoff's glove. And Ty Cobb's false teeth. Real treasure trove of wonders you got there.

If I were you and you and I knew somebody who had a Wii and I didn't want to spend any money on them and I too had a Wii
Fire up your Wii and gift a baseball game. You have to know their code. Your choice of of Baseball, Baseball Stars 2, World Class Baseball and Bases Loaded. Get Baseball Stars 2 if you like the person. Bases Loaded if they're the nostalgic type. Baseball if you want to show them that you didn't really want to spend any money on them and World Class Baseball if you want to say, "Remember when you bought a TurboGrafx 16? This is the kind of crap you were playing, while the rest of us were playing Super Mario Kart."

If I were you and you and I were going to buy something kinda expensive and you wanted to throw some affiliate dollars towards Gaslamp Ball
I heard a Kindle Wireless Reading Device will guarantee sex from a loved one every night for like 3 months. I use a Apple MacBook Pro MB991LL/A 13.3-Inch Laptop to blog and work and blog. 

If I were you and you and I were going to buy something for the Padres grounds crew
Get some friends and chip in for a Swisher ZT2350 50-Inch 23 HP Zero Turning Radius Riding Lawn Mower. Best value for the money.

I've been thinking about my Enjoyment Index again. For those who don't know, I want to make a predictive model to try to determine how many people will show up to a Padres game at Petco. The way I figure it, the more people that show up to the games (as a percentage of capacity), the more enjoyment we've received. This is all I want from the Padres. Enjoyment.

The correlation between attendance and enjoyment isn't proven (I'm not in front of any numbers), but seems to me like a pretty good assumption. People vote with their dollars.

I know right away some of you are saying, "You're a retard, Dex. All a team needs to do to make people show up is win games." And that's obviously wrong. Look at teams like the Braves or the Marlins. They've had winning seasons in front of empty stadiums. I mean, when the Braves can't even sell out playoff games, there's something more to it than just wining and losing. Maybe the Braves marketing wasn't good. Maybe people don't like watching dominant pitchers.

Granted, winning percentage is a huge factor, so we won't discount it, but all I'm saying is that you can't only rely on it.

Intrigued!? ME TOO. All kinds of ramblings after the jump.

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Over the summer I went to Portland for work and I managed to catch a Beaver's game. Portland's downtown reminds me a lot of San Diego's downtown in that it's not overly dangerous and terrifying at night like downtown LA and you still feel like you're outside when you're outside, unlike Manhattan.

After my meetings, I cut out of work and took a cab to the ballpark. It was about an hour after first pitch and the ticket windows were all closed. I walked up to the gate and, after a few batted eyelashes, scored a free ticket. I bat my eyelashes like Bud Black bats different lineups - often and with wildly varying effect.

PGE Park is very much an old style looking park. Past the right field wall, the park is built right up against a building, which I was later told by a Portland native is a health club. The whole thing sunk a bit into the street. No outfield seats except for some bleachers at the health club that you can walk out to. I assume that, after workouts, the gym patrons can go out to the bleachers, watch a game, and see what people who are really in shape look like.

The outfield scoreboard is one of them old timey time wooden boards that needs somebody back there to constantly update. Updating the scoreboard is always portrayed as something romantic. Like the 106 year old man who has sat behind the scoreboard at Suchansuch Ballpark since 1908. Really, I imagine the job to be dark and dreary. Something reserved for criminals and interns who don't take to Excel as quickly as you might like.

Here's a real blurry photo of it:

I don't recall much about the game except for what I might have tweeted at the time. I remember we were winning when I left the hotel and we were losing by the time I found a seat.

Above the seats is a wooden overhang that appeared to extend out and cover all of the seats. It rains a lot in Portland so I figure it keeps people in their seats during delays. 

The other thing it does is make for amazingly loud echos whenever music is played or the fans get excited and cheer. The sound just reverberates up into the rafters and directly down into your ears.

Not unsurprisingly, the American Tinitis Association had a booth set up out on the concourse area near one of the exits. No lie.

Outside of the park there are huge faces guarding each entrance from Portland spirits. They are terrifying and ghastly.

After the game, I walked back to the hotel. It was a Thursday night and about 11 blocks away. Downtown Portland is nice at night. I don't know what they do with the homeless people. Probably, they remind them that it rains all the time and they should seek more temperate weather, like San Diego or something.

As I understand it, there are plans for a new better ballpark, which makes me kinda sad. The current ballpark is nice and old school and seemed to be well attended. It was college beer night or something, so that may have had something to do with it, but still. Lots of cities build new ballparks to recreate the look that Portland's current ballpark has.

I be glad I bagged it when I could.

I forgot to mention it when it happened, but jbox and I recently had lunch with Warren Miller and his media relations team, Brett Picciolo, Josh Ishoo and Shaun O'Neall who runs the Padres Magazine.

It was a pretty informal meet-and-greet. JBox and I didn't really have an agenda other that to keep in contact with Warren who has been very gracious with us and to meet some other dudes who put together what we as fans see and hear about our favorite team. If the Padres organization was a large sea lion, then those in our lunch bunch would be the sea lion's vocal chords, barking incessantly and occasionally mooing. Letting you know that you should throw some raw fish its way so as to satisfy the needs of its gray, blubbery body.

Shaun O'Neall looks the part of a grizzled beat reporter, now spending his days shilling the five dollar magazine. Brett's a younger guy. Probably a little younger than me or jbox. Chiseled features. The cool and calculating type. Josh looked like the youngest guy at the table, but he could've easily just been baby faced. Josh wasn't wearing Padres colors. Bastard.

Lemme just say right off that everybody was real cool to us. However, Brett did come off a little bit tight lipped, to match his cold and calculating features. It was like he might be afraid of what me and jbox might say to you, dear reader. As if at any moment something might be revealed, wherein I would pull out my trusty laptop while jbox would cry out, "Check and MATE!"

The only time he really perked up was when I called out Josh during lunch. We were asking them where they all were from and who they rooted for outside of work. Josh said, almost apologetically, that he rooted for one of the "big East Coast teams".

"Don't worry. It's not the really bad one."

"Which one do you think is the really bad one?" I asked.

"Oh, the Yankees of course."

I looked him in the eye and told him, "You sir, are much much worse."

JBox and I then went into a brief diatribe about how Boston fan is so smug about their championships, but furthermore feel like they're entitled to be smug because they were "long suffering". Yankee fans are just douchey, but Red Sock fans somehow end up being douchey and whiney at the same time.

That was the part where Brett perked up a little bit and started nodding, I think a little encouraged that we were right about something. Anything.

So, we insulted Josh and we weren't really sure if Brett liked us much at all.

Shaun, on the other hand, was very enthusiastic. I think we had a bond right off because the "salad" that came with our sandwiches consisted of shredded lettuce with no dressing.

Sure, we said. Send the not so subtle message to the fat guys.

We talked a bit about how the traditional media gets their hands tied and how little they can really report on because of the lack of hard proof. For example, he was pretty confident that most every sportswriter out there knew about steroids well before Jose Canseco exposed it to the world. It also didn't seem to come as a surprise to him that Ruben Rivera had been sneaking underage girls into bars and that Jim Leyritz is a swinger.

We also compared notes on some of the beat reporters who are left and what the state of the Padres online world is.

In summary:

• 619Sports is doing a great job.
• MightyXX gets love from us because their interviews are good, they've shown us love, and their website is MUCH easier to work with than 1360's (read: I can open the site up and not be worried about NSFW content).
• Sabermetric type fans are a niche that's tough to target, and, I guess, not one that gets targeted heavily.
• Clayton Richard is doing a great job with his Facebook Fan Page.
• Lots of regular conversation happens on Gaslamp Ball and the SignOnSanDiego forums.
• Twitter's great if you're willing to put the time in to figure it out.
• Paul DePodesta should blog more about more.

That's about it. JBox and I didn't ask for press creds or anything like that, though I'm still hopeful that Warren, despite insulting his team at various points during the lunch, will help us get some better interviews during the offseason and into next season.

Also, I'm hopeful that having a better relationship with these guys helps us get more better info with which to mold and shape into humorous anecdotes and wild assumptions.

More photos » by Lenny Ignelzi - AP

You want to know how Heath Bell lost so much body mass? It be called Wii Fit Plus. (AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

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I've been sitting on the rest of these projections for the Padres because it's a pain in the ass to transcribe the PDF over to a table in HTML. Rather than do that, I'll just upload the set of projections from the Bill James Handbook and we can talk about them in a civilized manner here.

I will also note that, after reading through the book itself, it's tough to judge it just based on the projections. They mention especially with pitchers how difficult (and pointless) it is to try to project something like wins or ERA considering how many things beyond the pitchers' control goes into these things.

Also, if you're gonna buy the book, here's a link to Amazon.

Now some notes on the projections:

• Heath Bell is projected to lead the league in saves yet again. Also projected to mention how the new Wii Fit Plus will allow him to drink that much more beer while maintaining his svelte physique.
• Kevin Correia is projected to lead the team in wins with 11. Clayton Richard follows with 9. To be fair, there aren't a whole lot of Padres pitchers even projected to start games for us.
• Luke Gregerson is projected to do well again. Maybe a holdover closer if we can get value for Heath Bell? Hmmmmm?

In any case, it will be good to revisit these numbers once we start settling in a bit as to who our pitchers will be, but if that happens, then we won't be able to transfer over the ERA and W/L projections, so maybe it'll be a little bit hopeless.

(Also, yes. This is another post with an Amazon link. I'm trying to save for the holiday season.)

I've never used this newfangled SBNation news clipper before. This be my first time. So I created some clips and there were only four and now here they are.

• Ducksnorts Unraveled: Site Non-update
  A few details on Ducksnorts and its current non-state. Apparently a hosting company got hosed. Pssst, Geoff... Wordpress.
• MetsBlog.com " Read: Free Agents, Contracts, and the Economy
  a MetsBlog post about free agents not getting much money this coming season. Adrian Gonzalez is discussed in the comments.
• Masur's Musings: No News Yet...
  Andy Masur's notes on the Padres trading block.
• 2009 MLB Awards: National League Rookie of the Year - ESPN
  Rookie of the Year will be announced today. ESPN's list of the contenders.