SB Nation User Blog: Dex

Bees invade Petco Park

Dex — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:20:18 -0000

"Bees smell fear. Don't be a pussy. Bees smell fear. Don't be a pussy." (AP Photo/Denis Poroy)

People are talking all about the bees that invaded Petco yesterday. Here's what I want to know. Where did they come from? Bees don't just appear out of thin air, people. As part of the bird family, they need to be nested and hatched. But, since they're also part mammal, the eggs are actually alive and covered in hair.

Here's my theory: That ball girl was keeping the bees in her jacket, presumably so they would make honey that she could use to give to little kids. Normally, this is a good idea. Normally. On this fateful day it turned out all wrong. I keep bees myself as a hobby and though some consider me a dilettante, I'm actually rather advanced for an ameteur. I know bees. I live and breath bees. These bees did not behave the way normal bees behave.

Some might wonder if those were Africanized bees. I'll tell you right now. No they weren't. They were killer bees. But when bees are in wide open spaces, or super tight confined spaces, they get confused and frustrated. Bees, human beings and certain members of the possum family are the only known animals to scientifically feel frustration. And let me tell you, boy. Those bees were frustrated.

Some people might think that the beekeeper killed those bees. Actually, he used super condensed smoke and put them to sleep before gathering them up and sending them to bee rescue to be spayed and neutered like little kittens.

One time, Jon got stung by a bee. He was walking in flip flops and a bee somehow ended up under his big toe and stung him as Jon took a step and eventually crushed it. Jon yelled, "SOMETHING BIT ME" and then went to the ground and tried to suck the stinger out. True story.

Brooks Conrad makes AAA All Star Team

Dex — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:33:05 -0000

Brooks Conrad makes AAA All Star Team

Congratulations Brooks! Also, I have it on good word that he got called up today! Once I find a link I'll post.

Open Thread, 7/2: Padres vs Astros

Dex — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:54:39 -0000

So yesterday, I was on the trolley and there were these Vietnamese students who seriously, not even kidding, looked like they were 11 or 12 years old. They were smoking cigarettes before they jumped on the trolley, so they must've been older.

In any case, they sat right next to me and the one dude that I shared a seat with fell asleep almost right away. Another kid across from him started whispering to him urgently in Vietnamese (which sounded a little bit like gibberish to me since I don't speak that culture's beautiful language). Anyways, he's whispering in this gibberish and pushing the sleeping kid's knees and elbows and shoulders and getting real close to his ears and whispering gibberish.

The whole time, I'm just trying to read my book, but I can't help but look up when the babbling kid starts slapping the sleeping kid in the face while yelling his gibberish. I'm thinking, "Dude, WTF. That is no way to behave around a sleepy person."

In any case, the sleeping kid doesn't bother looking up and the babbling kid gives up, sits back and falls asleep himself. When I looked up at him he was positioned as such that I could see directly up his nose.

Day game. Going for the series tie. Go Padres.

Current Series

Astros lead the series 2-1

Mon 06/29	WP: Roy Oswalt ( - ) LP: Josh Geer ( - )	1 - 3 loss
Tue 06/30	WP: Josh Banks ( - ) SV: Heath Bell LP: Chris Sampson ( - )	4 - 3 win
Wed 07/01	WP: Brian Moehler ( - ) LP: Walter Silva ( - )	1 - 7 loss
Houston Astros The Crawfish Boxes @ San Diego Padres Gaslamp Ball Thursday, Jul 2, 2009, 12:35 PM PDT Petco Park Wandy Rodriguez vs Kevin Correia Partly cloudy. Game time temperature around 70. Complete Coverage >

Open Thread, 7/1: Padres vs Astros

Dex — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:04:24 -0000

You remember how in Star Trek: The Next Generation, you could ask the computer for food and it would put molecules together and create the food you asked for? I'd totally be down with that to create magical ballpark foods that people haven't thought of.

You could ask for all kinds of great things and taste them and determine if people would eat the stuff at a ballpark. Like jbox's churro dogs or my taco hot dog combinations or what not. I guess only one person could have that machine or else nobody would pay for the food once you made it. I need to rethink my stratergeries....

GO PADRES!!!

Padres hire Bob Melvin, continue tradition of redundancy

Dex — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 16:24:57 -0000

More photos » by Elaine Thompson - AP

"Having two managers on one team is like playing baseball with two baseballs... PURE AWESOMENESS." (AP Photo/Elaine Thompson,file)

Browse more photos »

I'm sure there's a good reason why the Padres have decided to hire Bob Melvin without first firing our current manager, but it escapes me a little bit. I would have thought the days of hiring redundant positions were gone with the new ownership coming through, but I would have thought wrong.

Does this remind anybody else of when Moores and Alderson brought in Paul DePodesta (of whom we're big fans)? Not saying it wasn't nice to have the "brain trust" we had, but hiring people to unspecific positions doesn't really bode well for anybody.

Poll

Is having a team with two managers at the same time a lot like playing baseball with two baseballs at the same time?

Open Thread, 6/30: Padres vs Astros

Dex — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 00:10:35 -0000

More photos » by Pat Sullivan - AP

2 months ago: Houston Astros pitcher Mike Hampton, left, walks away from the mound as Milwaukee Brewers' J.J. Hardy, right, rounds third base on a Bill Hall three-run homer in the sixth inning in a baseball game Saturday, April 25, 2009 in Houston. (AP Photo/Pat Sullivan)

Browse more photos »

I was on the trolley yesterday and there were these two ladies and a dude sitting across and next to me talking about guns. They didn't look like gun people, but they all were gun people. I keep photos of Elliott and Jess on my phone, to show off to people if somebody happens to ask. The one Korean lady had pictures of her AK with the custom wood trim handle. She was talking about the action that it gets and the dude next to me was saying the first time he fired an AK, the kickback was such that he thought he was gonna kill everybody in the room if he didn't hang on tight enough. The Korean lady agreed and talked about how when she got the wood trim on her gun, she had them do some modifications so she could handle the action easier.

Later, they talked about what they do for jobs, and the guy talked about hustlin' and how the quality of the hustlin' was better down south than it is in San Diego because the city's so conservative. I thought about mentioning that I used to live in the south, if only to agree that hustlin' may or may not be better down there, but I realized I didn't have an opinion on the matter. I ended up pulling out my Nintendo DS and I played Super Mario Bros, which, as opposed to materials for hustlin' and custom configurations for automatic weapons, is the kind of thing that I spend my discretionary income on. That and books.

Anyways, I don't know why I'm telling you that other than to sort of explain why after I got off the trolley and got home, I was so distracted as to not check on the status of the open thread.

Josh Banks takes on Mike Hampton tonight. We own Mike Hampton I think. I dunno. Maybe we do.

Astros vs Padres coverage
Astros vs Padres preview
The Crawfish Boxes

I'll put that lineup widget in here when I see it. GO PADRES!

Poll

Have you ever been involved in hustlin'?

San Diego Padres fans are going to be allowed to watch the San Diego Padres

Dex — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 23:09:25 -0000

The Sports Business Journal is reporting that the Padres are going to begin allowing in market streaming of the broadcasts. This is a remarkable thing. For those of who who are on Cox or out of town, San Diego's mid-sized media market was being made even less than mid-sized by the fact that the Padres weren't allowed on all cable providers and people who wanted to purchase MLBTV to watch the games online weren't allowed to because they were in market, even if they weren't able to actually subscribe to Cox if they wanted to.

It was a terrificly bad way to do things that apparently is getting fixed.

We'll see how well it gets fixed shortly. Until then, I welcome the new bitter fans that will finally be able to see the product that the rest of us have been depressing ourselves over.

What do you guys want to talk about when we meet up at the game?

Dex — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:31:12 -0000

We're headed out to SafeCo shortly. I'm going to turn direct messages on for Twitter. If you're at the ballpark direct message me @gaslampball. You can dm me also AndyTheBeerman, though I got your phone number. If you see me, I'll be in the black numbers tee.

What do you guys want to talk about when we meet? I don't mind quiet awkward moments like what happened with Axion. Nor do I mind really loud, somewhat obnoxious moments like when I met Drama.

I wish there was some sort of gift that I could trade when I meet people. I should've brought my pin collection.

I have an idea. Let's talk about what kind of food we're going to eat next or what kind of food we just finished eating. After we talk about various foods, I'm going to say, "Seriously. That sounds crazy good." You can say whatever you want to say.

We should also talk about Twitter and the blog. I'm going to say stuff like, "Twitter's a weird thing" and "There are some kooky people on Gaslamp Ball".

I'd like to talk a little bit about the Padres, especially if we're doing well like we did last night. If we're not doing well, let's talk about things to see in the ballpark.

I'm also going to talk about how much coffee I've drank on this trip, which is a lot.

OK. That should be good enough. Like I said. Tweet me up. I'll see you at the game.

A San Diegan in Seattle or Dex in the Lion's Den

Dex — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:14:08 -0000

Dear JBox,

It's me Dex. I'm in Seattle, home of our most hated rivals in all of baseball. You may be surprised to know that I'm here and that I've survived thus far. I'm headed out right now to explore the city. Everybody here so far has appeared human like you and me, but underneath, I know that the smell the San Diego on me turns them into something not unlike monsters underneath their pale, northwestern skin.

We're headed out now. I'll report back later... If I survive!

Dex

Open Thread, 6/17: Padres vs Mariners

Dex — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:35:17 -0000

The Padres continue their quest for the fabled consecutive innings without scoring a run streak. I believe they can do it. I believe with all my heart.

Another thing that I believe is that these so called younger players that Kevin Towers is alluding to should just go ahead and be given ABs. Brian Giles is not Tony Gwynn. When we sucked back at the turn of the century, there was still some benefit to continue starting our aging right fielder. Now, there is no such benefit. I want to see other people.

Another thing I believe is that Ichiro Suzuki is super likable. Are there people who don't like Ichiro? Is there any sort of backlash against him? I know jbox sometimes says he doesn't like him, but I think that's cause Jonny Dub likes Ichiro too much, which makes jbox jealous.

Don't forget about your haiku.

our team can not score
our pitchers are unhealthy
but yet we will win

Lineup

Seattle Mariners @ San Diego Padres

06/17/09 7:05 PM PDT

Seattle Mariners	San Diego Padres
Ichiro Suzuki - RF	Tony Gwynn - CF
Russell Branyan - 1B	David Eckstein - 2B
Adrian Beltre - 3B	Adrian Gonzalez - 1B
Ken Griffey Jr. - LF	Kevin Kouzmanoff - 3B
Jose Lopez - 2B	Chase Headley - LF
Yuniesky Betancourt - SS	Edgar Gonzalez - RF
Jamie Burke - C	Nick Hundley - C
Franklin Gutierrez - CF	Luis Rodriguez - SS
Garrett Olson - P	Chad Gaudin - P