SB Nation User Blog: Dex

Water is wet. The sky is blue. Tim Lincecum smokes weed.

Dex — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:20:15 -0000

"I am freaking out right now, man. I am freaking out. Is that guy following us, man? Who is that guy? I think he's following us." AP Photo/Ben Margot)

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Tim "Barrel Man" Lincecum was caught driving around with the marijuana and a pipe with which to smoke it out of.

Personally, I'm not surprised at all considering the Giants organization is rife - rife, I say - with drug abusers and hoodlums. It's this blogger's opinion that Lincecum should be stripped of his Cy Young Award, his copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, any Tibetan prayer flags currently in his possession and his disc golf disc collection.

Disgusting, disgusting behavior.

Google Wave Invites for Lurkers Only

Dex — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:09:57 -0000

I have 5 Google Wave invites. I have more, but I want to give these away to lurkers. If you don't know what Google Wave is, I dunno what to say. It's only the next new thing that nobody knows what it is.

The first 5 lurkers (regulars, but non commenters) who register and comment in this thread get an invite. I'll let you know who you are and you can send an email to me dex at gaslamp ball dot com.

If you're a regular or non-lurker, don't worry. I have more to give away. This is for the lurker crowd.

Contest starts.... NOW!!!

The Plan in Action: Grady Fuson no longer allowed to work on pipelines

Dex — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 05:38:27 -0000

Here's a word of warning to you if you're slinging guns or laying pipe in and around Petco Park: Clear outta town because there's a storm coming. (Listen to this while you read the rest of this post and think of good comments).

I'll be honest with you. I never quite understood what Grady Fuson was doing here. As I said many years ago:

Grady Fuson wants to create a "draft pipeline" for the Padres. I'm pretty sure I have no idea what the heck that means. Grady Fuson needs to lay off the sauce. Seriously, what does that mean? Can I get a job as director of scouting by repackaging what teams already do and calling them fancy fake names? Hey Padres, hire me. I won't just set you up with a draft pipeline. It'll be a full-on draft aquaduct, holmes. I could so do Fuson's job.

In my imagination, this was my imaginary interview with the Grady "the Plumber" Fuson:

Grady: "I'm gonna implement a draft pipeline."

Me: "What's that?"

Grady: "Well, I'm gonna draft players I think are really good."

Me: "The other guys are drafting players they think are good, right?"

Grady: "Yeah, but they don't got a pipeline."

Me: "What constitutes your pipeline?"

Grady: "I'm gonna draft players I think are good. It's called the draft, dude."

Me: "Then why are you calling it a pipeline?"

At least now, this nagging feeling that there's been too much pipe being laid in the front office can be put to rest. We can get back to work on the rest of The Plan.

Poll

Did you understand what Grady Fuson was doing here?

I understood it had something to do with drainage systems, but ultimately, no.

43 votes

Do you know NOTHING about baseball? PIPELINE.

47 votes

90 votes | Poll has closed

NEWS FLASH!!! KIM NG IS THE NEW PADRES GM!!! (Just kidding. It's Jed Hoyer.)

Dex — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:21:16 -0000

So it has been written and so it shall come to pass. After talking about it tons and tons, the Padres have finally decided to let everybody know that, yes, what everybody in America has known since last Tuesday, Jed Hoyer is the new GM of the Padres.

Here's the link that enlightens us to this bit of official news.

Was I the only one hoping for some 11th hour crazy news? Maybe yes. Maybe no.

Poll

Did you guys know that Jed Hoyer is the new GM of the Padres?

Yes. Since like two Wednesdays ago.

114 votes

Woah! Who!? What happened to KT!?!?!

26 votes

140 votes | Poll has closed

Jed Hoyer can negotiate with dummies

Dex — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:09:37 -0000

I got an email to a Jed Hoyer mailbag from September of last year. I don't know about you, but this guy is a mystery to me. I know that he's young and bright. He's never been a GM before, but he's being given the chance.

I'm reminded a little of Paul DePodesta except that Jed worked for a good GM. Hahahahahaha. That's a Billy Beane joke.

Here's one thing from the mailbag that stands out to me:

Curt [Schilling] took the very unusual step of representing himself. He was well prepared and detail oriented throughout the process. Whenever we would exchange offers, Curt would take it and then disappear to his office for an hour or so before responding. After we were done with the deal, I went into his office to find a quiet place to type up the final terms. On Curt’s desk was ‘Negotiating for Dummies’ or ‘My First Negotiation’ or some such book. Theo and I just cracked up.

On the one hand, it makes me laugh that Curt Schilling figures that he can represent himself because he read about negotiations in a book. On the other hand, I'm a little nervous, because Schilling got himself a pretty good deal. I know that books in the Dummies series are usually well written and Curt Schilling seems reasonably bright (brilliant and witty if you ask some Gaslamp Ballers), but really?

The Plan in Action: Jed Hoyer has been hired as GM

Dex — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 05:25:39 -0000

So, I'm looking over all of my Google News alerts and what not and it looks like it's a done deal. Jed Hoyer is our new General Manager. Kevin Towers is just taking up office space now.

Keep in mind, I'm not positive that he's been hired, but everybody keeps kinda saying that there are sources and what not and people be quoting each other and, since perception is reality and perspiration is nine tenths inspiration, Jed Hoyer is the GM.

I'm trying to remember now, when jbox and I got a look at the whiteboard that had The Plan on it, if Jed Hoyer's name was on there. If I'm remembering right, it came two steps after "Breakfast All The Time" and immediately after "Distract Local Fans With Lights and Pretty Music".

Wikipedia credits Hoyer with being key in getting Schilling to come over to Boston (Schilling?). Who knows what other behind the scenes things Hoyer has been meddling with? Schilling?

Schiling?

DEVELOPING: Hoyer to be named new Padres GM later today

Dex — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 20:11:26 -0000

SI.com is reporting the news that Jed Hoyer will be the new Padres GM and the team will announce it later today. I guess that puts to rest any hopes for Kim Ng being the new GM.

Doesn't Jed Hoyer sound like a gunslinger type of name? Moorad says it isn't, but it sure sounds like it is to me.

Hrmmmmmmmm.....

More Thoughts: To be perfectly honest, the Padres GMs that have ever made an impact in my head have been Jack McKeon and Kevin Towers. I remember Randy Smith for his hatchet job of the team and I don't ever really give him credit for bringing Trevor Hoffman on board.

I'm wanting to like Jed Hoyer, but is this the guy who's going to bring the Padres to the postseason like Trader Jack or the Kevin "Gunslinger" Towers? Or is this the guy who's going to Randy Smith the team for another season while we sit around in 4th and 5th place.

I can't wait for the announcement.

Gaslamp Ball Proclamation: Tony Gwynn to only be referred to as Anthony Gwynn Jr. until his first .300 BA season

Dex — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:14:59 -0000

Gaslamp Ball will occasionally provide endorsements and judgments in the world of baseball and beyond. Should Gaslamp Ballers need to cast a vote or require an official opinion, look for Gaslamp Ball Proclamations first to see what our official stance is. Thank you.

It has come to our attention that there are those who refer to Anthony Keith Gwynn Jr. as "Tony Gwynn Jr." or even "Tony Gwynn" despite the fact that the real Tony Gwynn is a Hall of Fame, career .338 hitter, while Anthony Keith Gwynn Jr. is a player who looks a little bit like he's constantly leaning forward in the batters box.

Starting now, Gaslamp Ball will refuse to refer to Anthony Keith Gwynn Jr. as "Tony", until he earns the praenomen by completing a full major league season with at least a .300 batting average. Until such a feat has been accomplished, Gaslamp Ball will only refer to the current Gwynn on the Padres roster as "Anthony", "The Lesser Gwynn", or potentially "Tony Two Hundred".

San Diego Padres Predictions from the Bill James Handbook 2010

Dex — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:56:45 -0000

More photos » by Denis Poroy - AP

"I was looking at the Mayan calendar, and 2010 is our year. 2012, not so much." (AP Photo/Denis Poroy)

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I've got a sneak peak at the new Bill James Handbook 2010 and I want to go through and check out what we can look forward to next season. Bill James has been putting these handbooks together forevs and I always look at them with an eye towards who might do what, but also an eye towards pretending that I have an even better predictive model using the guts of a chicken splayed out over a burning Ouija board.

Let's check it...

	Age	G	AB	H	2B	3B	HR	R	RBI	RC	RC27	BB	SO	SB	CS	SB%	Avg	OBP	Slg	OPS
Alfonzo,Eliezer	31	64	189	49	10	0	7	19	25	23	4.27	6	48	1	0	1	0.259	0.286	0.423	0.709
Blanco,Henry	38	82	228	51	11	0	6	22	23	23	3.38	20	52	0	0	0	0.224	0.286	0.351	0.637
Blanks,Kyle	23	142	524	145	23	3	25	79	93	89	6.07	66	140	3	2	0.6	0.277	0.362	0.475	0.837
Cabrera,Everth	23	145	545	146	29	11	3	90	44	74	4.68	67	117	37	12	0.76	0.268	0.353	0.378	0.731
Eckstein,David	35	128	444	120	21	1	3	57	35	49	3.91	34	40	4	2	0.67	0.27	0.337	0.342	0.68
Giles,Brian	39	92	292	77	17	1	7	40	36	43	5.18	47	36	2	1	0.67	0.264	0.371	0.401	0.772
Gonzalez,Adrian	28	161	614	171	37	2	35	97	106	117	6.87	87	127	1	0	1	0.279	0.372	0.516	0.888
Gonzalez,Edgar	32	63	112	30	6	0	3	13	13	15	4.7	11	22	1	1	0.5	0.268	0.344	0.402	0.746
Gwynn,Tony	27	88	212	56	8	2	1	29	14	24	3.9	22	32	10	4	0.71	0.264	0.336	0.335	0.671
Headley,Chase	26	149	528	150	36	3	17	72	72	87	5.94	63	129	8	3	0.73	0.284	0.365	0.455	0.819
Hundley,Nick	26	84	264	60	14	1	10	30	38	31	3.93	25	64	3	1	0.75	0.227	0.297	0.402	0.698
Kouzmanoff,Kevin	28	144	512	141	32	2	20	59	84	74	5.17	29	95	1	1	0.5	0.275	0.327	0.463	0.79
Rodriguez,Luis	30	95	244	62	13	1	2	27	20	27	3.84	28	21	1	1	0.5	0.254	0.331	0.34	0.671
Salazar,Oscar	32	88	246	72	16	1	9	31	40	40	5.94	18	33	1	1	0.5	0.293	0.341	0.476	0.817
Venable,Will	27	120	395	99	18	2	13	53	48	50	4.36	34	95	7	2	0.78	0.251	0.313	0.405	0.718

OK. So what does all of this mean? I'll tell you. It means we're effed.

I mean, maybe we aren't effed-effed, but still. Didn't this team feel faster in August and September? Didn't it feel more powerful? Was that just an illusion?

If this is the projection for our hitters, what does our starting lineup looking like at this point?

Is that really it? Doesn't it look weird to look at?

Bright Spots:

Everth Cabrera and Kyle Blanks both are predicted to up their production and both are young dudes. Everth is especially exciting for his speed and Kyle is exciting for the power. It's like Mantle and Maris! Blanks will probably end up protecting Adrian before the year is out, but probably not to start the season.
Adrian Gonzalez, while not predicted to put 40 over the fence next year, is still slated for another 100+ RBI season with close to 100 runs. Also, the doubles total bodes well for producing runs, but not so well for the needy children, dependent on these sadistic charities who will only donate money when Adrian puts a home run charge in the ball.

Mehs:

Kevin Kouzmanoff's numbers look kinda nice and I'm sure he'll total pretty close, but (sorry Kouz fans) I'm also thinking that a lot of the numbers will be put up in garbagy, unclutchy ways.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a catcher?
Something about Tony Gwynn's line looks really depressing.
Brian Giles is still on the team? How is he predicted to have so many ABs? Am I reading this right?

Tomorrow, let's look at pitchers. That should be scary fun.

In the meantime, the handbook is available for preorder. It would be rad of you to purchase the book through us. Maybe let's take some time right now to make really super bold predictions and then rub them in Bill James's face when ours turn out terrific.

Open Thread, ALCS Game 3

Dex — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:48:05 -0000

Oh snap. I even get non-divisional, non-league, non-season games late. Are the Padres playing in this one? I forget.

GO PADRES!!!