Yes, I know this is old, shut up.

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So I was perusing the internets trying to not be depressed about how my favorite team has secretly been replaced by the ECHL team Columbus Blue Jackets. When I found this:

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Weekly Summary: Kings can't score, The Ducks still suck, The Sharks retake their rightful place atop the Pacific. The NHLPA does the right thing and blocks realignment, but many fans cry and throw a tantrum because they are retarded. The Canucks and Bruins unfortunately didn't kill each other, and Thornton is still better than Baldy.

Premier Matchup

Bearodactyls vs The Snuffle Bunnies

The rabbits are trampled by bears and then shat on by the pterodactyls. Well ok, it was a lot closer than that. Snuffle Bunnies also lose the stupidest name contest to the Ducks.

1st Star: Carey Price took 4 points for Bearodactyls, he had 2 starts, 2 wins, 2.00 GAA, and a .922 SV%.

2nd Star: Jaime Benn was a scoring machine, but he plays for Dallas, so fuck him. He also has two first names, what a tool.

3rd Star: Patrice Bergeron had 4 goals, 2 assists, +6, 2 PIM, 9 shots, and 29 faceoff wins. A Bruin with only 2 penalty minutes, what a wuss.

Cloutier of the Match: Corey Crawford lost all three games he started and sucked so bad that Roberto Luogo's stellar performance was wasted.

Reasons for Victory: Corey Crawford sucked so hard his teamates thought he was a duck.

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Toronto (January 6, 2012) – National Hockey League Players' Association (NHLPA) Executive Director Don Fehr issued the following statement this evening regarding the League’s realignment proposal:

“On the evening of December 5, 2011, the NHL informed the NHLPA that they proposed to put in place a four-conference format beginning with the 2012-13 season. As realignment affects Players’ terms and conditions of employment, the CBA requires the League to obtain the NHLPA’s consent before implementation. Over the last month, we have had several discussions with the League and extensive dialogue with Players, most recently on an Executive Board conference call on January 1. Two substantial Player concerns emerged: (1) whether the new structure would result in increased and more onerous travel; and (2) the disparity in chances of making the playoffs between the smaller and larger divisions.

In order to evaluate the effect on travel of the proposed new structure, we requested a draft or sample 2012-13 schedule, showing travel per team. We were advised it was not possible for the League to do that. We also suggested reaching an agreement on scheduling conditions to somewhat alleviate Player travel concerns (e.g., the scheduling of more back-to-back games, more difficult and lengthier road trips, number of border crossings, etc.), but the League did not want to enter into such a dialogue. The travel estimation data we received from the League indicates that many of the current Pacific and Central teams, that have demanding travel schedules under the current format, could see their travel become even more difficult. On the playoff qualification matter, we suggested discussing ways to eliminate the inherent differences in the proposed realignment, but the League was not willing to do so.

The League set a deadline of January 6, 2012 for the NHLPA to provide its consent to the NHL’s proposal. Players’ questions about travel and concerns about the playoff format have not been sufficiently addressed; as such, we are not able to provide our consent to the proposal at this time. We continue to be ready and willing to have further discussions should the League be willing to do so.”

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Its apple pie vs moose pie.

The Americans look to continue their domination of the tournament so far. Finland looks to rebound after being destroyed by Canada 8-1 on Monday. Gibson in net for America, Gibson not in net for Finland.

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Yes, its that time of year. When teenagers from different countries come together to play for the chance to be world champions............ of the Under 20 age bracket.

Canada faces off against Finland......right now I think, or 12:30, something like that. No one cares but Sleza.

Then the most glorious nation in the world beats the shit out of Denmark at 3:00.

This will be your thread to talk about the games, for Sleza to constantly try to convince the IIHF that Selanne is really 19, and and for Spade to hit on foreign girls.

Go World Juniors drama!

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Yes, its that time of year. When teenagers from different countries come together to play for the chance to be world champions............ of the Under 20 age bracket.

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This is going to be brief because I was unexpectedly busy this week.

Brain and Braun vs Fournick Gators

First place in the worst division vs last place in the best division.

1st Star: Zdeno Chara with 1 G, 1 A, +5, 4 PIM, 1 PPP, and 6 SOG.

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Weekly Recap

This guy Sidney Crosby is back, I've heard he's pretty good. I don't know, it wasn't really in the news that much. The Ducks are the worst team in the league, if you have Ducks fan friend, you need to watch their alcohol content, we don't want them doing something do cause harm to themselves or others, however if its harmless and hilarious then by all means let them do it. Fire Carlyle.

This week saw everything, from blowouts to ties to upsets to the Ducks becoming less relevant than the Blue Jackets.

Brain and Braun now leads the league and has a seemingly insurmountable lead in the Sandstrom Division, which also happens to be the worst division, I wonder if they are related........ well, no, they aren't actually because pooponastick pretty much destroys who ever challenges him.

Premier Matchup

Brain and Braun vs Sir Mitchellot

Two of the top teams faceoff (hockey pun) and the Brains and the Brauns emerge victorious in a blowout. Justin Braun killed the Bumpasaurus in glorious combat and then kept its skull as a trophy.

As you can see, this was a blowout. Grace, Niesy, Sir Mitchellot and the Bumpasaurus had no answer to the Brain and the offensive dynamo of Justin Braun. As a result, Braun and the Brain are now one step closer to world domination.

1st Star: Jeff Carter, with 2 G, 2 A, +4, 4PIM, 2 PPP, 14 SOG, and 41 FW he was a huge contributor to Pooponastick's team, and rightly earns the first star for his across the board contributions.

2nd Star: Cal Clutterbuck contributed across the board for Braun, with 2 G, +1, 6PIM, 1 PPP, 1 SHP, 1GWG, and 12 SOG. He singlehandedly won 2 categories, so an arguement could be made for Clusterfuck being the first star.

3rd Star: Jose Theodore was big in net for shitonastick, 3 games started, 2 wins, 1 loss, 1.97GAA, and a .921 SV%.

The Biggest Loser: Cam Ward was terrible, with 4 starts but only 1 win and 2 losses, GAA of 2.73, SV% of .908, and no shutouts. He lost all categories except games started.

Reasons for Victory: Pinky and the Brain + Justin Braun>Bumpasaurus

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Save Meg From Skyrim

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I am going to deviate from the usual template because it can contain the amount of suckitude my team is giving off right now.  But don't worry, this post will still lack the research and grammar you have come to expect from this site.

Weekly Summary: This week is interesting because all but two of the games were fairly close, and there was only one blowout (It wasn't Spade!!!  Apparently Pancho Villa gave them an impressive pep-talk from beyond the grave)  Right now it looks like the Friesen division is the best, the person who has Giguere should avoid playing him against a team from this division.  While the worst division is the Sandstrom division (This is America, we don't use uneccesary punctuation in names Sleza)  Spade still has the worst record while the Snuffle Bunnies..............sigh, really, we are getting are asses kicked by a team called the Snuffle Bunnies, wtf?

In NHL news, two shocking stories this week, Lucic gets away with attempted Murder (My fantasy team already has enough injuries and concussions already fucker) and an AHL team, the Columbus Blue Jackets, defeat an NHL team, the Atlanta Thrashers Winnipeg Jets, wow, have fun with that team you wanted so badly Winnipig.

Premier Matchup

Bearodactyls vs. Rule 64

Bearodactyls wins in a big upset, handing Rule 64 (rule 34 + rule 63?) his first loss.

3 Stars:

1st Star-Jonathen Taves, had 2G, 4A, +6, 1GWG, 12Shots, and 41FW       Bearodactyls

2nd Star- Craig Smith, had 3G, 1A, 2PIM, 1PPP, 15Shots, and 12FW          Bearodactyls

3rd Star- Kevin Shattenkirk, had 1G, 3A, +4, 4PIM, and 7Shots  He Kirked more than he did shat.            Rule 64

Doghouse residents: For Bearodactyls Corey Potter (Just stick to being a wizard Mr. Potter) and Shane Doan did nothing for the team.  And Jagr, Schenn, and Downie were useless for Rule 64, Schenn so much that he was kicked off the team.

Reasons for Victory: Bearodactyls goalies sucked less and he got huge contributions from from a few players that carried the team.

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I know there is smack talk in the fantasy league, but I thought I'd put this up anyway.

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I was wondering if some people might like to get together and have a Sharks-Kings viewing party.  We could get together at somebody's house or a bar or some other place.  I haven't seen any fellow Fear the Finners in over a year, so this would be a great way for people to see each other again and meet new faces.

Unfortunatley, I can't offer up my home because my parents would not appreciate the noise and I am the only sports fan in my family.

So if anyone has any ideas on where to meet or would like to open their home up please comment below.  We could also just crash Ang's house, that would work too.

So, with Chicago's loss, the Sharks will face the Kings in the first round for the first time ever in the playoffs.  I think this is great for California hockey, plus it makes it much easier to travel for fans and players a like.

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Hi! So I am a Sharks fan who occassionally comes over to hang out with the Game Time crowd.

I just thought I would offer my well researched and in depth analysis of next year's central division for you guys.

St. Louis: I consider the Blues almost like A brother to the Sharks, or at least a close friend. Why? Because both teams' mottos are : WHAT THE FUCK DO WE HAVE TO DO TO WIN THE STANLEY CUP?!?!?!?!?!?!

The Blue are in rebuilding mode............. wait, haven't you been in rebuilding mode for a while? Well, at least you aren't the Florida Panthers who been in perpetual rebuilding mode since 2000. Still, I think the team has great potential With Chris Stewart and Captain America leading the way. Also I suspect Halak has had an off year too, so he should be better next year also. Was it Boyes that was pissing you guys off? I can't rmember, if it was, well he's no longer with the team so that's a good thing. So Yeah, I think the Blues can make it to the playoffs next year.

Detroit: A little known fact about Detroit, this is where the Marines do training before being sent over to Iraq and Afghanistan. 87% of Marines think surviving a week in Detroit is the hardest thing they will ever have to do in life.

Experts agree that Pavel Datsyuk can only go so long before deking himself out too hard and injuring himself, my bet is on next year. Also, Nick Lidstrom should retire sometime in the next decade. When Chris Chelios left Detroit, the average dropped from 67 all the way 46. There goalie is overated. I have heard the Blues have signed an M-1 Abrams to clear Holmstrom from in front of Halak. Also, because the Red Wings play in Detroit, it probably won't be long before some of them are murdered.

Chicago: The city of corruption in the state of corruption. Because of cap concerns will probably have to let go of half their team in the offseason. Blues fans can try to get Patrick Kane arrested for all the shit he's done, but they better do it in a city that isn't corruption central. Still like that Brian Campbell deal Chicago? Have no depth what so ever.

Nashville: A place to go if you want to hear country music and relive the 50s. But not to meet other hockey fans. Have the best coach in the league who takes a bad team and makes it good. Jeremy Roenick on Jordan Tootoo: "Tootoo is a big dum-dum" His name is actually spelled tutu. THEY HAVE JONATHEN BLUM!!!!! HE WILL BE THE GREATEST DEFENSEMAN EVER BECAUSE HE IS THE FIRST PLAYER BE BORN AND RAISED IN CALIFORNIA!!!!! Would be an ideal first round match up for the Blues.........because they can't win the first round.

Colombus: They are not even worth talking about or insulting because they have no fans to piss off.

Good Luck next year guys, I'll be pulling for you.

Sharks fan hater

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I hate Calgary.  I hate them with the same intensity that I hate the Ducks and Red Wings.  I laugh with glee when they struggle, I have containment breaches of excitement whenever the Sharks humiliate them.  When we beat them 9-1* last season I was giggly and beaming with sheer joy for a week afterwards.  Each year I hope we meet them in the Conference finals....... and beat them into a fine tasy pulp on the way to a sweep. 

Why?

Because I will never forget what they did to the Sharks and my dreams that fateful spring of 04.  I was a freshman in high school, I was young, I was naive.  The Sharks had Just beaten the Avalanche in 6 games, the team that had come off a Stanley Cup just a couple years before.  I loved that team, they were gritty, in your face, grind along the boards, blue-collar workers.  Nabby was on top of his game.  Nothing could stop this team I thought.  The Stanley Cup was coming to San Jose.  Calgary was not a threat, they were a lowly 7th seed, we were Division champions.  I was already looking forward to The Stanley Cup and thinking who we matched up better against.  But then slowly, everything changed, Kippersoft was standing on his head, Iginla was skating all over the place causing havoc where ever he went.  I still felt we would win the series until the final minute if game 6.  Then it was over.  Calgary had crushed my dreams.  They had out-worked us.  Then the lock-out..............and an entire year left to stewing over this loss, slowly building my hatred for Calgary.

That loss taught me that nothing is for certain in hockey, to never look past the game in front of you, that anything can happen.  But the biggest impact it left, was the deep scar it left on me.  No other series loss has even come close to the pain that one inflicted upon me, never have I been more devastated.

So, tonight, I don't just want a well played, deserved win.  No............. I want it to be a bloodbath.  I want Crankshaft to destroy anything in red, I want the Sharks to win in a blowout, 10-0.  I want to see Calgary wimper off the ice.  I want their city burned to the ground by Pavelski, Marleau, Jumbo Joe, and Heatley. 

I want them destroyed.

God, if you do exist, prove it to me by actually making this happen.  Please. 

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I put this up because, well, there isn't one up on the main page.

WTF Boston?!?!  Why would you call yourself the Bruins.  There are no bears on the east coast!

Also, does anyone realize there is a game in less than an hour?  Fucking 10:00 AM starts.

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Anaheim-2011

knocking

Perry: Come in!

Getzlaf: Trouble at the Arena.

Perry: Oh No!  What sort of trouble?

Getzlaf: OldJasonBlakeblewoutahipandlostusthegame.

douchebag#1: What?

douchebag#2:Isaidoldjasonblakeblewoutahipandlostusthegame!

Cherry: I'm sorry, I can't understand what you are saying.

Getzlaugh: sigh- I said, old Jason Blake blew out his hip and lost us the game!

retard: Well what does that mean?

another retard: I don't know!  Mr. Neidymayer just told me to come in her and say that Blake blew out a hip, turned over the puck, and Heatley scored!  I didn't expect to encounter the HTML Line!

Doors burst open! 3 men in blue capes and hats jump in!

Thornton:NOBODY EXPECTS THE HTML LINE!!!  Our chief weapon is surprise, surprise and fear-Our two weapons are surprise and fear and ruthless efficiency-Our three weapons are suprise, fear, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the Sharks-Our 4 weapons.... Amongst our weapons...Amongst our weaponry are fear su-I'll come in again.

Getzlaughingstock: I didn't expect to encounter the HTML line today.

Doors burst open again!!!

Mammoth guy:NO ONE EXPECTS THE HTML LINE!!!!!  Amongst our diverse weaponry-Yes!  Amongst are diverse weaponry we have such elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Sharks, and nice blue uniforms-Damn!....Alright, you'll have to say it.

Marleau: Wh-What?!

Jumbo Joe: You'll have to say the part about our diverse weaponry.*

Capt. Awkward: I-I can't do that.

Joe shoves him in front

Marleau: Um, um nobody..uh nobody

Joe: (whispers) expects.

Marleau:Expects, Nobody expect the, uh HTML

Thornton:Line.

Marleau: Line..uh... Nobody expects the HTML line!  In fact those that do-

Joe: Are chief weapons are

Awkward: Are chief weapons are uh..um...uh.

Joe: Surprise

Marleau: Are um surprise-

Joe: STOP!!! Stop there! whew Are chief weapons are surprise blah blah blah!  Heater, read the charges.

Heatley: You, are hereby charged that on diverse nights you committed douchebaggery against the NHL. 

Joe: WELL!!! How do you plead?

Perry: Well, innocent and girly of course.

Joe: HA!!!  HA HA!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Diabolical Laughter

Joe: We'll soon (wildly flailing arms) change that!!!

Diabolical skills and acting

Joe: Now, fearsupriseruthless-Ugh (smacks himself)

Now assistant captain, the rack!!!

Marleau: (Caught off guard, looks wildly for rack in his cape, reveals panties.  Gives Joe the rack)

Joe:(facepalms) You?!......Right.....Tie her down.

Heatley and Marleau proceed to vigoursly gleefully and laughing diabolically tie Perry to the rack while Joe looks on embarrassed and humiliated.

Joe: Right.....sigh..... How do you plead?

Cory:Innocent!

Joe: HA!!!  Right!  Assistant!  Give the rack-oh dear....... Give the rack.... A turn.

Marleau: I uh-

Joe: I no you can't, I just wanted to ignore your Errorhoffian mistake.

Marleau: I'm so sorry..... Shall I...uh..

Joe: Oh just pretend for godsakes!

Marleau: Yes......(turns the imaginary crank while laughing in an awkwardly diabolical way)

Joe: Oh god.....

doorbell rings

Getzlaff: I'll get that, probably the blow up doll I ordered.

end scene

Part 2 will come later

*Yes ladies, the HTML Line has many diverse weapons

vs

Canada vs USA at 4:30 today.  

Canada sucks!!!  Canada is a sparsely populated freezing hell.  In fact, its so sparsely populated that CALIFORNIA HAS A BIGGER POPULATION THAN IT!!!!!!!!  Plus, its so insecure about itself that is constantly crying for attention.  It even has commercials to remind Canadiens of all the things its invented.  Nevermind America has invented way more shit and better more important shit.  Like the airplane and the atomic bomb*.  Hockey is the only thing that gives canadiens reason for living.......... so lets beat the shit out of them at it.

Also, they gave us Celine Dion** and Justin Bieber.............. enough said.

Coyle and Etem (CALIFORNIA!!!!!) with hat tricks.

GO AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!

*  Not to be confused with the atomic bong which was invented in Jamaica.

** I don't really care about her, but their seems to be a lot of hate for her in American television.

Some people are complaining that the NHL is wimping out the game of Hockey by trying to protect players from getting killed.  I will illustrate why they are doing the right thing.  If you still think its wimping out, that okay, your allowed to have wrong opinions, plus I'll just have Crankshaft introduce himself to your head.

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Some people are complaining that the NHL is wimping out the game of Hockey by trying to protect players from getting killed.  I will illustrate why they are doing the right thing.  If you still think its wimping out, that okay, your allowed to have wrong opinions, plus I'll just have Crankshaft introduce himself to your head.

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With the Sharks inconsistency* this season, many Sharks fans are probably wondering what the fuck is going on with the Sharks.  Well, thanks to my inside sources, I have been able to piece together what goes on during a Sharks game.

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With the Sharks inconsistency* this season, many Sharks fans are probably wondering what the fuck is going on with the Sharks.  Well, thanks to my inside sources, I have been able to piece together what goes on during a Sharks game.

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Some might have noticed that I haven't been on here as much as usual, and that is because I have been focusing my attention on the Earthquakes' playoff run.  It's the first time we have made the playoffs since the original team left for Houston at the end of 2005.  (FUCK YOU ANSCHULTS ENTERTAINMENT!!!!!!  FUCK YOU!!!!!!!)

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I haven't been paying much attention to hockey lately because the San Jose Earthquakes were making a run for the playoffs (and made it!)  So I was perusing MLS.com when I found this comment from someone from an inferior state.

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Many of us hear at Fear the Fin are optimistic about the Sharks chances come playoffs.  We take each game with a one game at a time approach, were for the most part rational and optimistic.  However, some people (not necissarily from this site) are pessimistic and screaming doomsday every time the Sharks lose a game.  Other teams' fans have lambasted the Sharks and said they will be an easy draw in the playoffs.  Nevermind for the past week we've been with out OUR TWO BEST FREAKIN' DEFENSEMAN!!!!!!!!!!!  So I have prepared some songs for those people.

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The Toronto Maple Leafs have started the trade deadline frenzy.

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