It turns out that the Orioles suck.  Like, a lot.  And, as one might expect, no one likes to watch sucky baseball.  Especially sucky baseball between two sucky teams in sucky weather, as evidenced by the picture below from last night's game (link).  

That, my friends, is not a lot of fans.  Definitely not the announced attendance of 9,299, and, arguably, not even more than the 1,500 fans the Charm City Rollers draw.  Read that again.  A roller derby team can outdraw our Major League Baseball team.  These are your 2010 Baltimore Orioles.

This whole thing got my roommate and me thinking, how can we get fans to the Yard?  What promotional events can the marketing department pull that would entice people to pay real money to waste away a perfectly nice evening watching this terrible team lose?  I think we came up with some pretty good ideas that would get some people to OPACY.  In fact, they could jack up ticket prices and I would still come for most of these.

1. Julio Lugo Pinata Night - Pretty self-explanatory.  The pinata should be filled with anything but base hits.

2. "Lou Montanez Can't Hit, So Let's Deal With It" Matinées - On Sundays, Lou starts in left, and every time his turn in the batting order comes up, one lucky fan will get picked to hit for him.  If the collection of fans beat Montanez's batting average that day, they all win something. Just make sure the prize isn't too big, because we will be giving away a lot of them.

3. Garrett Atkins Night - Atkins in a dunk tank on Eutaw Street for the entire game.  Everyone gets a pair of Atkins replica fake teeth.

4. "In With the ReimOLD" Bobblehead Night - Turn Reimold's bobblehead night into a homecoming of sorts.  Have him throw out the first pitch, deliver the lineup card, and let him be the first base coach for the night.  In the 7th inning stretch, he stands on the mound and fans can chuck their bobblehead at him.

5. Adam Jones Curveball Night - Give the first 10,000 fans one of those wiffleballs that you can curve really easily, and make it say "And Jones goes down swinging" every time you throw it.

6. DDDWTF Nights - Give fans signs that say "WTF?", so they can wave them whenever Dave has his WTF moment.  A lucky fan gets to pick an inning before the game, and if the biggest WTF moment comes in that inning, he gets to manage the O's for the next game.

7. Mike Gonzalez Meltdown Night - In the middle of the summer, give every fan a Gonzo figurine and a magnifying glass, so they have something to do other than watch the game.

In one game against Miami during his freshman season at Georgia Tech, Wieters belted a two-run, ninth-inning homer to give the Yellow Jackets the lead and then pitched the bottom of the ninth to get the save. That prompted his teammates to start calling him "God."

http://www.baltimoresun.com/sports/baseball/bal-orioles0314,0,3302166.story

As a freshman!  Also, am I the only one who was surprised that he only needs to spend 13 days in the minors to get an extra year of service?  For the love of God, start him down there!  We will live for 13 days.

Does anyone know which dugout is the home dugout in Fort Lauderdale?  I'm going to buy tickets for the March 26th game vs. the Marlins and I want to make sure that I get seats behind the O's dugout and not the visiting dugout.  I know that at Camden Yards it's the first base side, but is it the same in Fort Lauderdale?  I'd really appreciate it if somoene could help me out. Thanks a bunch.

The Orioles could announce as early as tomorrow that they will acquire left-handed starter Rich Hill from the Chicago Cubs for a player to be named later, according to industry sources. One source cautioned that the deal is not yet complete, but the Orioles are hopeful that it will be by early this week.

I guess MacPhail was having second thoughts on letting Daniel Cabrera go, so he went and found the best Cabrera 2.0 he could.

(That said, there really seems to be no harm in this deal, and I think it's fine.)

UPDATE (zk): Per dkdc below, this is a done deal (ESPN). Brian Burres was DFA'd to make room for Hill.