Who's Killing The Team - Top 10

EamuCanoli — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:42:29 -0000

It's time for a weekly look at "Who's Killing The Team." It's our weekly look at who's killing the Cubs as they piss their fans off to no end, toiling in mediocrity. Lou is always to blame somehow, but I stick to players only here. Anyone think Lou might start eating pasta in the dugout just to ease his mind? I know I feel a lot more relaxed mowing down a big plate of rigatoni.

We go from 10 to 1 here...let's go!

Honorable Mention - Kevin Gregg - You're not helping by always pitching with a full count and giving up bombs to lose games (like Rayburn). Again with your Rick Vaughn look, you inspire me none and I fear that you'll meltdown in key situations as you've already done. Do they even sell a Gregg jersey? Who has one? If you do, you're a loser!

10) Aramis Ramirez - There is a hope out there that you will solve all the Cubs problems. Aramis has a lot of value and helps others see a lot of pitches. You need to fast track this shoulder. We need to know if you can be 100% or just a sign of a lost season. We can not win without you, just as we won't win only because of you.

9) Geovany Soto - Apology accepted although I don't care if you bake. Good week for him and positive signs with a big HR on Friday after the riefer-gate. Now get back to playing your position and making good swings. You've killed the team enough this season.

8) Rich Harden - Your game log is nothing but a circus. We've got from you exactly what we should expect: A few shutdown starts that make us dream big and a few shutdowns b/c your shoulder or back is "cranky". I was at the 2-0 loss to the Twins...nice start although Kubel took you DEEP. Wow! And that's the problem lately. Teams are hitting Harden harder than hard.

7) Kosuke Fukudome - I think that Dome is hated on way to much and I think there's a tinge of racism there. You like to wear the headband and then make a joke about sushi when he strikes out helicopter style. Admit it you do. You have a beer and then you make a Kung Fu joke. Some of his swings are ugly at times, but he's drawing more walks and getting on base more. His recent struggles have him on the list, but he'd have to get really bad (like Sept. '08) to crack my top 5.

6) Aaron Miles - The Cards have DeRosa (former '08 Cub) and the Cubs have Miles(former '08 Card). How's that taste? And he's going to the DL too I hear. You kill my team because you don't produce and haven't played since June 20. Why are you taking up a roster spot? Your shrimpy stature annoys me as you instill no confidence and you have a .203 avg as a switch hitter. LOUD NOISES!

5) Alfonso Soriano - Starting to come around? We can't ask this question all season. I'll never be comfy with you batting leadoff or chasing a fly around left field like an injured gazelle, but we need you to pick it up. You've hit some big HRs and that walkoff against the Sox. We'd be 8 games out if we didn't have you, so I'll cut you a little slack. BUT it's time for a 10-game flurry where you carry a big load. We're waiting. Rather impatiently too!

4) Mike Fontenot - Wow are you struggling! A lot of 0s in your game log. We wonder who will be around the Cubs in 2010 - Mike or My Boys? You're killing the team b/c with Ramirez out you've occupied an important role in the lineup and have produced nothing except that exciting 4-hit game at Houston.

3) Carlos Zambrano - The media love you Carlos. You give them a lot to write about. And that kills the team. You know when you're retiring, beaning, acting a fool, pinch-hitting, not drinking enough fluids or staying up too late online. You are paid like a leader, but don't act the part. A few hard-luck starts aside where you coulda had a win, it's hard to rely on you for a big game it seems. It's always something with you. An injury, a meltdown or a bat over your knee. Pitch. Like. A. Number. One.

2) Milton Bradley - You are a gift to Chicago media. They can just have a column in the bag about a Milton Meltdown. I was there for the brain fart toss in the stands. Thanks for that memory. You've been a circus at the plate ever since your first Wrigley AB. I'm tired of you already. I just want you to hit. Please hit. You're batting 3rd in the order and will be in our top 6 until your season ends (via injury or suspension or trade or release). Just hit! Please.

1) Carlos Marmol - On a team that's not scoring a lot of runs, we need you to right the ship. 38 BBs in 39 games (39 K too) so far in 2009. 41 walks over 82 games the entire '08 season. An ERA +1.40 ahead of last season. And you wanted to be closer? You're blowing the lead in the 8th quite well. The slider is filthy, but not effective 2 feet out of the zone. Watching you battle yourself on the mound right now has me reaching for bp medication. You are throwing terrible. On a team where it seems we have nothing we can really count on, you Carlos Marmol are KILLING THE TEAM.

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Who's Killing The Team - Top 10