SB Nation User Blog: Elway4Prez

Juuuust a bit outside: Why the SSOL Suns never won a title

Elway4Prez — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 16:58:56 -0000

I recently wrote this article for an upcoming issue of my school paper. I'm the Sports Editor, which is basically a fancy title that gives me a column to gripe about whatever I want with no added responsibility. I don't mean to throw negative vibes into this pleasantly surprising start but I worked pretty hard on this so I figured I'd post it on the site where I go to get all my Suns news. So without further ado, my top three scapegoats for why the SSOL Suns never won a title:

Cody Ulm

Sports Editor

As an Arizona sports fan, if you’ve been distracted with organized tackle football this winter, then congratulations are in order. The beloved “Seven Seconds or Less” Suns are back on a reunion tour and it’s a limited engagement.

Yes, the surprise of the 2009-2010 NBA Season has been the revitalized Suns and they’ve abandoned all false misconceptions of last year’s failed half court style and are back to their track meet ways.

Although they make me feel all warm and fuzzy, realistically, I realize that our championship window was already impolitely slammed shut and boarded up and this isn’t the Association giant Gum Drop Mountains and fairy tale endings. This version of the Suns is nothing more than a cute story and a way for me to fill my column until they show they can beat the Spurs, Nuggets, and loathsome Lakers.

I’ve felt the bitter letdowns of investing too much hope and trust into the wasted seasons of the past for me to ever fully believe that we have any more than a puncher’s chance at prying the championship window back open.

To help purge the excruciating memories of whispering death threats at Tim Duncan through my television and crying in the fetal position, questioning if God had some personal vendetta against me, I will now point fingers like some delirious, early modern Europe witch hunt. Because it seems to me the only way to get anything done in this world is to gripe and bash endlessly, even if you have no formal education on the matter at hand. Let it also be known that this grudge/hit list is not something that I thought up for the sake of this column and may or may not be permanently stitched on the inside of my Amar’e Stoudemire away jersey:

3) General Manger Steve Kerr- Most fans are quick to burn him at the stake for the Shaq for Marion, swap but I actually applaud him for going out on a limb. The sacred S.S.O.L. routine simply wasn’t cutting it come playoff time. So Kerr made a move that would either make him the toast of the town or have a mob of disgruntled Phoenicians shouting “grab your torch and pitchforks!” Unfortunately for the U of A alum, it was the latter. As much as I love the mob mentality, I was not part of those blood-thirsty fans, well, at least for that reason. I despise just about every other move Kerr has made. Like when he admitted epic failure with the Shaq trade and quite literally “gave” the future hall of famer away to the Cavaliers for a ham sandwich and an autographed LeBron James poster for his office. Or the awkward shoving overboard of former coach of the year D’Antoni, only to replace him with that blundering, egg-head Terry Porter. For those of you that don’t know, Porter is most famous for his pointless yelling that was reminiscent of an Alzheimer’s patient that can’t remember where they are, and the fact that he drilled the team so hard they had the players questioning if they were playing basketball or taking part in a Nazi arts and crafts lesson. Oh yeah, and the fact that he was fired halfway threw the 2008 season only to be replaced by Alvin Gentry, who is basically the black version of Mike D’Antoni minus the sweet ‘stache. My favorite Kerr transaction by far was one that went partially under the radar: the trade of Kurt Thomas and two of our future first rounders to the Sonics for a conditional second round draft pick and a trade exception. Yes, you read that correctly; we gave up a much needed defensive big man and a two future first round quality players that could infuse some much needed youth into a lineup that is so cripplingly old that they went to high school with Mick Jagger, for cap relief and a second rounder. That’s the equivalent of me buying an Escalade, driving it for a year, then giving it my neighbor because I can’t make the car payments. Then, for wasting his valuable free time, I also hand over my flatscreen TV and Xbox 360 in exchange for his toaster oven. To add unbearable insult to hysterical injury, Kurt Thomas was later released in the same season and signed with the Spurs. He then proceeded to play big in the crunch time in a playoff loss to the Spurs.

2) Owner Robert Sarver- With Sarver calling the finacial shots, it’s a shock that our team hasn’t entirely imploded or died of old age. See Sarver, the poster boy for the greedy, obnoxious business men who want to own a sports franchise simply for bragging rights, hates rookies almost as much as spending money. To avoid the luxury tax, Sarver traded the number seven draft pick in the 2004 draft, which could have been Luol Deng, Andre Iguodala, Josh Smith, or Al Jefferson, for a future first rounder from the Bulls. The next year, they drafted point guard Nate Robinson, the perfect back up to Steve Nash, then immediately traded him and Quentin Richardson’s bloated contract for Kurt Thomas. Two years later, they traded the draft pick they acquired from the Bulls for Deng and another expensive mistake in Brian Grant to the Celtics for another future draft choice (Boston chose Rajon Rondo with that pick, who is now currently a top five and would be the perfect transition from the Nash era to the future). Later in the offseason, realizing that they need a backup to keep Nash’s knees from shattering, they threw $24 million dollars over five years in the trash. And that trash can was polite enough to spit perpetual loser Marcus Banks back out. For those of you who aren’t in a bad-management-induced coma yet, they paid four times more than they would have if they developed Rajon Rondo for Marcus Banks. Who? Exactly. The next draft we sold the draft pick we acquired from the Celtics to Portland for cold hard cash because apparently Sarver just can’t get enough to waste on bad contracts, like the five-year, $45 million flaming turd he dished out to the fat Frenchman himself, Boris Diaw (God, I hate those croissant eaters). Just to push any Suns fans who haven’t jumped in front of the nearest moving vehicle into the suicidal range, the draft pick we sold turned into foreign scoring machine-in-the-making Rudy Fernandez. The worst part is, we wouldn’t even have had to pay him when we drafted him because he stayed overseas and became more seasoned, FOR FREE. So basically Sarver said, “Man this Spaniard looks pretty good and he would be pretty cheap, so even if he fails miserably, it won’t haunt me like every other time I open my checkbook. But that $3 million Portland is offer comes pleasantly rubber band and organized in a shiny new brief case. God I’ll look cool holding that brief case…” Yet somehow, although every transaction he has ever made has us believing he’s cheaper than the guy who buys his underwear used from Goodwill, we’re to buy that he would have matched the 5-year, $70 million contract Joe Johnson signed with the Hawks if J.J. didn’t kindly ask him not to? I think not, my good sir!

1) The San Antonio Spurs- Sure it’s easy to point fingers at Kerr and Sarver and call them “poopy-mouth jerk-faces”. It takes a real man to admit that your biggest problem was just that your arch-rival was just so implausibly good for such an inconceivable amount of time that we never stood a chance. See, I hate the Spurs for the same reason I hate Hines Ward and Derek Jeter; everything about their game is just so conventionally correct that you spew hatred directed towards them just because your jealous you’re team’s roster isn’t stacked to the brim with their carbon copy clones. See we had an ever better nucleus than the Spurs (Nash, Marion, Stoudemire, and Johnson compared to Duncan, Ginobili, and Parker). Except they kept theirs intact and built around them while following a strict no-flash, all-success philosophy, earning them three title rings in five seasons- much to my chagrin. The Suns shattered theirs, tried to repair it with scotch-tape and then convince their parents that that was the exact way they found it when they got home from work (trust me, it doesn’t work). Sure you can say, “If J.J. doesn’t shatter his eye socket then we beat the Spurs in ’05, J.J. stays happy and doesn’t pout his way out, and we begin a dynasty proving that running and gunning really can win it all.” And if I put tights and a tutu on, I can prance around with a wand and steal children’s teeth claiming I’m the Tooth Fairy. The point is that no matter how many times I get arrested on charges of breaking and entering while impersonating the Tooth Fairy, I will never be her. Just face it; we got some tough breaks, and hip-checks, and sadly were at our best at the height of one of the greatest dynasties in NBA history. As much as it makes me cringe to type this next phrase, I must be honest with myself as a fan of the purple and orange: it was fun while it lasted.

A.J. Hinch to succeed Bo-Mel

Elway4Prez — Fri, 08 May 2009 04:21:24 -0000

A.J. Hinch to succeed Bo-Mel

Hopefully he will know the best way to solve the nine-sided rubix cube that is our young hitter's offensive troubles.

KTAR's John Gambadoro reports D-Backs V.P. of Player Development, AJ Hinch, will replace Bob Melvin...

Elway4Prez — Fri, 08 May 2009 04:15:52 -0000

KTAR's John Gambadoro reports D-Backs V.P. of Player Development, AJ Hinch, will replace Bob Melvin as manager.

txt@ktar.com

Brandon's arm "red flag" nixed Webb/D-Backs deal

Elway4Prez — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:53:40 -0000

Brandon's arm "red flag" nixed Webb/D-Backs deal

Concerns from multiple insurance companies about Webby's right arm caused Arizona to withdraw their three-year, $54 million dollar contract extension. When's the last time B-Webb hit the DL again?

[Expanded and FrontPaged] Ken Rosenthal reports this morning, "Concerns raised by insurance companies over Brandon Webb's arm caused the Diamondbacks to withdraw their offer of a three-year, $54 million contract extension to the right-hander last June, according to major-league sources. Webb passed a team physical, sources say, but insurance companies use a higher standard when assessing risk. Multiple companies raised concerns, creating a "red flag" for the Diamondbacks, sources say. The contract was contingent on the club securing an appropriate insurance policy for the pitcher."

This does tie in with rumblings I've heard previously regarding the reason why the deal was pulled, but is the first time I've heard specifically the insurance company were the ones who blocked it. It may or may not be meaningful - the story goes on to say "Webb, despite the insurance companies' concerns, might pitch 10 more seasons without injury, one source said." But it doesn't help my sense of foreboding this morning...

After Jay Cutler's betrayal of the Denver Broncos, I decided the most logical thing to do was to...

Elway4Prez — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 06:56:44 -0000

After Jay Cutler's betrayal of the Denver Broncos, I decided the most logical thing to do was to burn all my belongings with his name on it, which consisted of a jersey, a cheesy poster, and a football card. I am the young male in the yellow shorts giving the half-ass, impromptu speech, not the horrible camera man who would best be described as a combination of drunk and blind. At the end, the running and shaking camera is when a car pulled up and my three friends panicked, including the camera man, leaving me to stomp out the remaining fire. Please enjoy our lack of intelligence. Go Broncos!

D-Backs waive (but trade for and keep) Skelton

Elway4Prez — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 02:22:40 -0000

D-Backs waive (but trade for and keep) Skelton

Looks like the battle for the 25th roster spot is down to Wilson, Whitesell, and Roberts.

(Edit: Retitled -Phil)

My Diamondback season preview (For HS paper)

Elway4Prez — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 01:55:54 -0000

Howdy everybody,

I just finished this article last night for my high school paper. It took me about four hours, partially because I have the attention span of a small rodent, to complete because I like to do my research.

Since everybody knows no one reads the high school paper, I figured I'd post it her and pray someone enjoys it. So just tell me what you guys think. I really can't add anything though, as this is already a pretty huge article by the paper's standards.

Thanks for your input,

Cody (Elway4Prez)

(P.S. Some grammer and spelling may be iffy because the copy writer has had a whack at it.)

Cody Ulm

Staff Reporter

The 2008 Arizona Diamondbacks team was like an extremely hot girlfriend with attachment issues.

When you first started dating everything was smooth sailing. During the first month, when you both would go out in public, others would be doing double takes and all your friends are giving you high fives when she’s not looking. Five months later, you’re in the fetal position in the corner of your room clutching your baseball cards as she throws your television and all your belongings out the window while she screams at you for giving the cute waitress at Denny’s “too large of a tip”.

The D-Backs got off to a blistering start, going 19-8 in April including an 8-game winning streak. By the end of the first month, they had sprung out to an incomprehensible 6 ½ game lead in the NL West. Former number one overall pick Justin Upton had seemingly corralled his endless yet raw big-league talent at the ripe age of only 20- batting .340 with 15 RBIs and 5 HRs in the month of April. He wasn’t alone though, as younglings Conor “Eyebrows” Jackson batted .348 with an astonishing 24 runs and 24 RBIs and the 24 year old Mark Reynolds hit a team high 7 HRs with 24 RBIs, in only 25 games. This group of “Baby Backs” were playing far beyond their years- which, to be exact, averaged out to only 25.8 years for the starting lineup.

Then, like with every season, pitchers adjust how and what they throw to hitters due to some wonderful inventions called the video camera and advanced scouting. And these one time Jedis reverted back to Padawan learners while their strikeouts rose and their batting averages fell. Arizona finished the season 27th in batting average and 2nd in the league in strikeouts with a whopping 1,287. Mark Reynolds also did his best Helen Keller impression at the plate, taking the title for most strikeouts in a season with a MLB record 204 wiffs.

The Diamondbacks amazing pitching couldn’t keep them afloat in the division though as they finished second to Los Angeles Dodgers in what could best be described as a “Pennant Limp”. They finished a disappointing 82-80, just two games behind L.A.

The despair carried into the offseason, as the small market D-Backs had five big name players unsigned including the face of the franchise, Randy Johnson. Knowing that they had no room in the payroll for all players to return, Arizona didn’t offer arbitration to two players who were sure to bring compensation draft picks in return, the mid-season acquisition Adam Dunn and Johnson, out of fear of that the players would accept and the organization would have to pay up. So Johnson skedaddled to division rival San Francisco and now Dunn has a Washington Nationals jersey over his Paul Bunyan-like frame.

The Diamondbacks did get five draft picks in return for mainstay second basemen Orlando Hudson, who joined the dark side, a.k.a. the NL West champion Dodgers, Juan Cruz, who migrated to the Royals, and Brandon Lyon, who signed, quite ironically because of his surname, with the Detroit Tigers. Combine those with the first two picks they automatically receive and Josh Byrnes’, the Arizona GM, mouth begins watering at the idea of have seven picks in the first two rounds of the draft. All this couldn’t come at a better time as most of their once highly touted farm system has either graduated to the big leagues or been traded in a number of deals- most notably the Dan Haren blockbuster.

To replace all the departed, the D-Backs got thrifty. They hired Felipe Lopez to replace Gold Glove second basemen Orlando Hudson. No one, including the Diamondbacks, knows what they’re getting with Lopez; the questionable starter who hit a paltry .234 with the Nationals over 100 games last season or the mythical Puerto Rican who hit an eye-popping .385 playing 43 games for the St. Louis Cardinals after being released by Washington. Odds are he won’t repeat his scorching finish to his 2009 campaign. But Josh Byrnes was smart to only sign him to a one year deal in an effort to keep him motivated as he plays for his money. Blend his contract with the fact that he’s playing for a contender and it’s quite possible the D-Backs are getting a good leadoff man, the first natural one they’ve had in quite some time.

Arizona also inked SP Jon Garland, who won 14 games with the Angels in 2008, and RP Tom “Flash” Gordon and traded for lefty RP pitcher, Scott Schoeneweis. These moves are all in effort to beef up the bullpen, which was a glaring weakness with this team last season. They’re hoping Gordon still has something left in the tank, even though he may not stand on the mound till late April due to injury, and that Garland can not only replace the Big Unit but also give them 200 plus innings so they have to dip into the pen as less as possible.

There’s a still a lot to smile about in the Arizona heat even though this article began with some negativity. This club might have the best starting rotation in all of baseball. Even the critics that say it’s not have to admit that Brandon Webb and Dan Haren, the tag team duo that combined for 38 wins in 2008, are the best 1-2 punch in all of baseball. And when you throw in Max Schezer, the 11th overall pick in the 2006 draft who is developing into regular K-machine, you have three potential number one starters. In a playoff series, that’s more intimidating than a hungry bear on bole (A-Rod- 0, the rest or the world- 1).

Even though the entire lineup hasn’t reached its much discussed “potential”, there were some breakout stars last season. Stephen Drew led all shortstops in extra base hits with 76 and also was the 1st SS since Robin Yount to hit over 40 doubles, 10 triples, and 20 home runs. Conor Jackson was one of the only other hitters to not drop off entirely from his torrid pace. Even though he basically confirmed he will never rack up the big HR numbers, he had a respectable .376 OBP with 75 RBIs and 87 runs while proving he can start in left field.

This transition moves former starter, 33 year old Eric Byrnes to fourth outfielder (Yes, non-baseball fans, there are only three outfield slots). That’s $30 million dollars the D-Backs are paying Byrnes, who lost essentially his entire 2008 season to injuries to both hamstrings, over three years now seems a little pricey for someone who’s now a glorified water boy. Basically he’s getting paid about $10,000 for each time he smacks someone’s rear end when they enter the dugout.

All joking aside, the D-Backs now have excellent options because of this move. On their bench is the versatile little man Augie Ojeda, a clubhouse leader, aging slugger Tony Clark, possibly the best backup catcher in all the league in Miguel Montero, and a motivated Eric Byrnes ready to prove he is not only worthy of the big payday but also of a starting job.

If the position players can continue to properly mature and supply a decent amount of runs while play average defense, the starting rotation should be able to carry this club into October (That is a quite a big “if” though as the Diamondbacks committed the sixth most errors in the Majors). Their bullpen could be volatile as it is also a huge question mark but Chad Qualls proved at the end of last season that he can be, at least, an adequate closer, racking up seven consecutive saves after he replaced Lyon in the final two weeks.

The D-Backs have their fair share of competition to wrestle with this season. The San Francisco Giants, lead by the man who beat Webb out for the Cy Young last season, Tim Lincecum, are a greatly improved team looking to make strides in the division. The Dodgers, although they lost most of their pitching, still have the Diamondback killer Manny Ramirez (Ramirez batting an astonishing .512 with 5 HRs, 12 RBIs and 13 runs in just 13 games against Arizona).

A number of things could go wrong; like Qualls struggling and the rest of the bullpen falling like dominos or if their blossoming batters take two steps back instead of one step forward. But if this Diamondbacks team can turn last year’s disappointment into this year motivation, there is no reason this squad won’t win one of the weaker divisions in baseball or even possibly compete for this young franchise’s second World Series trophy in only eleven years.

LT thought he'd look good in the blue and orange

Elway4Prez — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:55:31 -0000

LT thought he'd look good in the blue and orange

LT2 said he would considered the Saints, Raven, and Broncos when contract talks got a little hectic with the Bolts. The man has good taste.

So why not Randy?

Elway4Prez — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 17:18:28 -0000

So why not Randy?

Piecoro breaks down the events that led to the Diamondbacks signing Jon Garland and not HOFer Randy Johnson.

Bye Bye Bates....Welcome McCoy?

Elway4Prez — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 06:28:35 -0000

ESPN's Pat Yasinskas is reporting that the Carolina Panther's quarterbacks coach, Mike McCoy, will be joining the Broncos coaching staff. Yasinskas, along with a few other sources, are saying that it will be as the offensive coordinator. Here's what Rotoworld says about the move:

McCoy is an up-and-coming coach who was a finalist for the Panthers offensive coordinator position two years ago when Dan Henning was fired. McCoy ran Carolina's passing the past two seasons, but he's going to have to work hand-in-hand with Josh McDaniels in Denver while Rick Dennison oversees the rushing attack.

I don't know much about him really so it be nice if someone could post his resume or something.

That obviously means that our once up and coming coach, Jeremy Bates, will have to find a new job. I expected his depature with the signing of McDaniels because I never thought he'd keep his job if we hired an "offensive-minded" coach (Even though I dislike when people call McDaniels that). Now I'm quite worried that Jay has lost too much confidence in this franchise as we overturn literally everything familar to him, besides his offensive buddies.

It sounds immature but I hope Bates goes to a failing franchise like the Lions because it will sting far too much if he has success with someone like the Bucs or Jets. Then again, I'd pick either one of those teams over the team-that-must-not-be-named. He just may make JaMarcus Russell a successful quarterback....okay not THAT far!