WASHINGTON, DC- Amid increasing calls for action, President Barack Obama met with cabinet leaders this morning to address what he calls the "increasingly devastating amount of baseballs on the surface of the moon."

Outrage has been heard from all sides on this issue, from environmentalists to baseball manufacturers. Since 2003, Scott Baker has given up home runs at such a blistering pace that scientists estimate the Moon's surface may already be 2 feet deep in baseballs. Despite public awareness campaigns, petitions, telethons and mediated discussions with U2's front man Bono, Scott Baker continues to give up the long ball.

Until this year, the Minnesota Twins played beneath a domed roof, which analysts say reduced the amount of home runs that actually hit the surface of the moon by roughly 18%. However, starting in 2010 they have been playing in an open air ballpark, thus greatly increasing Moon surface clutter every 5th day. Target Corporation, who has naming rights to "Target Field" has been boycotted by environmental groups who accuse the company of standing idly by while Baker destroys the lunar ecosystem.

Presidential Press Secretary Robert Gibbs spoke with the media shortly after today's cabinet meeting concluded. Said Gibbs, "The President feels the time for talk is over, that leaving the increasing number of baseballs on the Moon's surface only delays the problem."

The President and Cabinet members were able to lay out a plan that will leave the surface of the moon clean and clear of baseballs by 2018.  "This plan, while daunting, cannot be accomplished without Scott Baker throwing on a downward plane and keeping his pitches in the zone." Gibbs went on to say, "Without Baker improving his mound presence and stepping up his game, our only hope is his retirement from the game of baseball, or continued elbow soreness."

The President has reached out to Mr. Baker before. The two have held a number of post game phone calls to discuss the growing "Moon Ball" issue. One aid, who wished to remain anonymous, shared that Baker continually cites "trying too hard" as the culprit. This aid also notes Baker's insistence that he plans to "trust his stuff" more in his next start, and "stay within himself." But Obama's patient is fading, much like the remaining open square footage on the surface of the Moon.

Once prematurely dubbed "Big Spot Scott" by Paul Allen of the AM radio station KFAN, Baker has since earned the moniker "Moon Shot Scott" for his propensity to give up home runs that are so well and easily hit, they reach the surface of the moon. This new alias was coined by "The Common Man" Dan Cole, and although it began as a joke, he is quick to note the severity of the problem at hand. "Oh sure, after a couple of 13, 14 home runs we decided to make a joke of it, you know, taking sort of a contrarian perspective on an otherwise good kid who had been pitching well for ‘da club. But seriously though, come on, this is becoming a big problem. I mean, I know we're not building golf courses on the Moon yet, but if we ever want to, we need to stop bombarding the place with dingers and clean it up, doh'kay?"

There has been no shortage of ideas on how to approach the massive cleanup effort. The Twins organization has partnered with NASA to identify ways to help the community once the "space-balls" have been safely removed. One plan includes fashioning the baseballs together to create an underground reef for the Mid-Atlantic Ocean. Another plan calls for the baseballs to be donated to the Little League Association of America. This would eliminate the need to purchase new baseballs for at least 15 years, saving the Little Leaguers a considerable amount of money. Pat Neshek, Twins reliever, has led an unsuccessful campaign for the rights to auction and trade the baseballs on his blog.

NASA plans its first scheduled launch for later this year. The first trip will include identifying the amount of surface area to be cleaned (current estimates at roughly 76%) and will include the start of the cleanup process. Twelve round trip shuttle missions are planned for 2011, and every year after until the Moon is clear of baseballs.  

In a statement to the press, the President declared an end to the lunar waste. "The time for waiting and hoping for mechanical adjustments is over. We will no longer stand complacently by while our beautiful and natural night-light is littered with baseballs. Our treasured celestial neighbor is and will continue to be a priority for this administration. Change is coming to the Moon."

/satire

Greetings Rockies fans!

A few weeks ago I posted here asking for suggestions and tips on a great Coors field experience. You guys gave us some great intel and I wanted to report back on how our trip went.

We attended the game on July 4th, against the Giants. It was a gloriously sunny day, and the energy from everyone was good as it was a holiday. We drove in on the freeway that passes Invesco, and that was really cool to see from the freeway. Getting to the ballpark from the freeway was surprisingly easy which relieved us. After a week of driving, we really didn't want to get lost in Denver, you know?

We ended up parking right across from the home plate entrance, so we entered there. I LOVE the big COORS FIELD sign out front, great photo op! It was just a visually impressive, big brick exterior that looked beautiful and classic.

One of my most pleasant surprises (Which may seem small, but is one of my pet peeves) is that at the gate, they did not care where our seats were, so we didn't have to trek halfway around the ballpark to get in. Honestly, why everyone does not follow suit is beyond me. THANK YOU Colorado Rockies for making sense. I figure they stand to make more money anyway, because if you walk in and half to walk halfway around the stadium, you are more likely to stop and buy something. (We did, too. Stopped in the Team Store and dropped 30 bucks on souvenirs)

From the very beginning, my wife and I noticed how extraordinarily nice everyone was. The ushers, gate staff, vendors, and people who we probably blocked from walking when we would stop and take random pictures. People were genuinely nice. We got there an hour early to really take in the whole park. We started by walking down to home plate and getting some pictures from that vantage point. An usher took our pitcher, and then told us we weren't supposed to be down there. I just appreciated he let us get a picture first. Then we walked up to the upper deck. We did not see an escalator (we didn't really look either) and we saw lots of stairs, so we figured Coloradonians must just be health nuts who take the stairs. So we hoofed it all the way to the top. We had been staying at 8,500 feet elevation for the previous 4 days, and had gone to Pikes Peak the day before, (14,110 ft) so we were probably not as weak lunged as we would have been had we just flown in from Minnesota. (Elevation 1,100) Well, we had to take two breaks going up. My LORD that was a lot of stairs. We got to the upper deck behind home plate and talked to a very sweet and friendly usher named Betty who literally chatted us up for about 20 minutes. She was like our own personal tour guide. Gave us a book of info, told us about the Mountains, and sincerely apologized for the fact that the clouds were low that day and we couldn't see the mountains. (We told her not to worry, that we had seen lots over the last few days, but she still seemed sad about it:)

We then made the final hike up top the Purple Row. Very glad for that tip from you guys, we got some great pics from there, and took some of the actual seats. The stadium is amazing take in and really absorb. Very different, too. I really like the overall design. The extension of the right field line/seats that cut into right field is very unique, and even though they were good seats up there, the place seemed HUGE. The center field screen and rock gardens were great too. The whole concept was wonderful. I had not heard a great deal about Coors except what I had researched or seen on TV. For some reason I went in to this with lower expectations. Not sure why. But this park totally blew them out of the water.

We then walked around the lower concourse and took our time checking out views from the outfield. Saw FSN taping their live show, and spent some time above the bullpens. LOVE the bullpens. I'm sure the opposing relief pitchers are not as big a fan as I was though. I imagine a lot of heckling goes on over there. We really enjoyed the outfield. It was so much fun to walk around out there. Seems like a great place to watch a few innings, and hang out. Noticed the Gluten-Free food stand, which was cool to see. I don't eat Gluten Free but know some who have to due to health issues, and think its fantastic this was offered.

Prior top the game the Military brought up a big flag and fighter jets flew over. It was outstanding, and everyone was really into it. Great general feeling of appreciation and gratitude. I know CO has a lot of Military facilities, so this was a special treat.

We sat and watched the first 4 innings. Both people on either side of us were great and were very chatty. They offered us sunscreen as the heat and sun was brutal that day. Also filled us in on the pertinent questions of the day. (Where is Troy Tulowisky? Where is Todd Helton? Don't you wish you had a DH...?? Stuff like that:)

Then we went and got some offerings...Wifey got the Spicy Pickle box based on a suggestion here. She LOVED it. I got half the cookie. I got a hot dog because I'm doing a taste test for all the parks. (On this trip, Busch got best, Rocky hot dog was 2nd, Kaufman dog was 32nd) We also got a bag of Kettle corn, because it is good, and also because it is nice to have in the car for a road trip.

Watched the game until the middle of the 7th and then had to jet out of there for travel time reasons, but really wanted to stay for about 3 more games.

Overall a fantastic experience. Loved everything about the place and have been talking it up since returning home. You guys have a great ballpark and great fans, you should be very proud. Stop by TwinkieTown if you ever come to see Target Field, we'd love to have you. Good luck this year, and thanks for your hospitality!

Greetings Royals fans!

I was here a few weeks ago asking for tips on your ballpark for an upcoming trip. I am now back, and wanted to give you a mini-report on my time in KC!

My wife and I hit the St Louis Cardinals game the night before, and drove over in the morning, arriving in KC around 2pm. We stopped at Arthur Bryants for lunch. To say that this was the best meal I have ever had would be underselling it. We bought NINE bottles of sauce to bring home. Now that I am home, I wish I had bought more. Best pulled pork ever. EVER. No comparison. Went to the BBQ Shack the next day in Paola (From Diners, Drive Inn's and Dives) and was massively disappointed. Arthur Bryants was just amazing, and also a very stressful ordering experience. I saw some kid almost reduced to tears because he didn't order correctly. It was amazing. Great recommendation.

We stayed about 3 miles from the park at a national hotel chain and had a pretty easy drive to Kaufmann. The first ‘wow' moment I had was due to the fact that the Chiefs and Royals parks are next to each other, and its just neat to see both so close. Parking was pretty easy, and there were fans tailgating, which is not something I am used to for baseball in Minnesota since we don't have a large lot next to our new field, or our old crappy Dome. I wore my Twins hat, and got no guff from anyone. (Anyone with a brain would have known that the Twins and Royals both hate the WhiteSux with a red hot fire passion, so I think that helped) We also got a free All Star Game Selection t-shirt giveaway at the gate, which was a nice surprise.

We walked the concourses around the whole ballpark before the game, and during the later innings. This park is one of the most visually unique I have ever seen. I thought, at first glance driving by, that the seating bowl looked like a boomerang. Very cool, very different. The team store was fun, but I think they are all pretty much the same nowadays. The vendors seemed to have some interesting offerings too. The outfield was brilliant though. We went on a very sunny day, and got some amazing pictures of the right field statues with fountain water behind them and the sun behind the water. Pretty much the most beautiful pictures ever. The fountains were wonderful, and we, based on your fine feedback, did NOT ask the ushers what would happen if we jumped in.. Besides, if you just LOOK DOWN in the water, it does not look like a fun swim. Enjoyed the KC Royals statue of Liberty too, that was a great photo-op! The jumbo crown screen was interesting as well. Huge, and appropriate for the team logo. Very easy to read and stay up on the stats of the game. I filled out a fan experience survey and told them they should partner with Crown Royal. Just seems to make sense.

We sat behind home plate and had great seats, next to another fan on a stadium pilgrimage also. The game was entertaining, although the stupid WhiteSux won. There were actual cheerleaders who threw both shirts AND hot dogs. I thought that was weird at first, but ended up thinking it was pretty cool, since it really seemed to get people more into the game. (I only say weird because I had never seen cheerleaders at a baseball game before) (Still think its weird to throw hot dogs..) One of the cheerleaders came around later in the game and gave out free metal Royals pins, which totally charmed my wife and made her day. (I'm sure if we bought one in the store it would have been $5.95-so it was a really nice treat)

The outfield seemed to have a ton of fun stuff to offer families, and I appreciated how much thought went into making that a real experience for people. As for food, I decided that I was going to eat a hot dog at each ballpark to rate the best and the worst. I am sorry to say that Kauffman takes the cake for the worst hot dog. I waited in line to get a dog at one of the (I have no idea how to spell it) Scheizwers Sausage booths, but the vendors working it were pretty much not there mentally and could not seem to figure out how to take orders or help people, and when I finally got up to order, they did not have any hot dogs currently cooking so rather than waiting 10 minutes, I ordered one from the regular vendors. It was just really bad. The bun tasted about a month old, and I only managed one bite. But, that was the worst thing that happened during an otherwise excellent overall experience. One other note, the vendors walking the isles were...interesting. Some of the most unique and odd looking folks ever. Vendors are a special breed, I realize, and my hats off to them for hauling all that crap up and down stairs in the heat. We also got some ice cream and a giant cookie in the outfield and some kettle corn during the game, all of which were fantastic.

Great overall experience and I hope to make it back sometime! I think you will do a great job with the All-Star Game, and get some good well deserved kudo's! Thanks again guys-

Hey guys. You may remember me from a few weeks back when I hit you up for info on the local team and ballpark. My wife and I just returned from our trip and I wanted to let you know how it went! (It went good)

We ended up having less time in town than we originally planned, which meant that dinner was at the ballpark, and not at one of the many places downtown. Our first surprise was that our hotel room was on the 26th floor and we had a great view down into the stadium and also of the Gateway Arch. Could NOT have asked for a better view. Absolutely stunning. We walked to the park, and yes, we noticed the homeless problem-one guy told me that his parents died YESTERDAY and he needed money. (He also smelled like wine) On the walk, we took some shots by the Capitol building? There is a fountain and a statue and a GREAT view of the arch if you line it up right. It was a great day, and a sea of red on the way there. (We both wore red too, although I did rock my Twins hat)
Got to the park about an hour early to take pictures, and had, well, a lot of great angels and picture opportunities. We took from the upper deck and lower bowl, center, right and left. It was fantastic. We watched several innings from different places around the park, but our best pics came at sunset when the Arch and the outfield came into perfect view.

I picked up on some discussion and disagreement on whether or not Busch III is better than Busch II. Looking at the plaque outside that showed what the old ballpark looked like, it seems like its kind of comparing apples to oranges. Having said that, the game views were fantastic, the seats were comfortable, and the design of the place made for a very enjoyable experience. I think I would have enjoyed the old park a lot too, but this one is awesome, and seems to be VERY different from the old one. (also: what are they doing across the street where the old park was?)
For my meal, since this is part of a larger stadium tour, I only allowed myself a hot dog, but I got one of the bigger, manly hot dogs, and of the 3 stadiums we visited last week, Busch won by a mile. Best ballpark dog I have ever had. (Do not get me started on Kaufman, it was ....HORRIBLE)
We saw all the statues, and enjoyed the team store, although the ‘Cardinal people' statues kind of creeped me out.
The game was fantastic, a bottom of the 9th walk off win due to a throwing error! Very memorable.
Finally, I think the one thing I will remember most is walking up to the park before the game and hearing old fashioned organ music playing. A lot of parks have gone to more modern music, and hearing that old organ ‘baseball' music just sat right in my heart. A GREAT moment and feeling it gives you as you approach, the way you SHOULD feel as you get ready for ball.
I will attach a couple of my favorite pics from the trip. Thanks again for the suggestions guys, we couldn't follow up on the restaurants, but we tried to hit on everything else. You have a great city and ballpark!

Hi guys. Visitor from TwinkieTown here. My wife and I are closing in on a 3 stadium trip over the course of a week, including Busch, Kaufman, and Coors. We are VERY excited to start our 'lets try to get to all the ballparks' mission.

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Greetings Rockies fans! My wife and I are on a quest to hit all the MLB parks and will be visiting Coors field on July 4th for the 1pm game against the Giants.

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Greetings Royals Fans. My wife and I are coming to town in the last week in June for our first ever visit to Kaufman. I'm a Twins fan, she is a Royals fan, but we both hate the WhiteSux with gusto, so this is really the perfect game for us to catch.

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Current away record is 14-22.

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