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Feb 11, 2008 May 30, 2012 77 6234

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Oakland Athletics Major League Baseball Team

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Athletics Nation DLD 030309: No More Monkey Business

Apparently monkeyball has left the building. I point you to the AN masthead at the bottom of the front page…now, with 66% less whimsy! Also, he told me.

I don't feel safe on this blog no more
I don't want to die in a meta flame war
I want an interlude with a goofy score
Made by an ape man.

But I do not care to delve into matters base and meta. I come to bury monkeyball, not to praise him.

No, wait. I do come to praise monkeyball. And to provide today’s DLD. Because AN is an honorable blog.

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435 comments  |  15 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 020609: Warm Springs Infernal

There’s an axiom in political event planning: never book a room you can’t fill. Nothing looks worse on camera than a bunch of empty seats, but by contrast, a standing-room-only crowd makes your (candidate/cause/publicity stunt) look vibrant and in high demand.

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144 comments  |  4 recs | 

Athletics Nation Box Office Report

Hooray! Just returned from the A’s Box Office with a stack of tickets as thick as my phone book. Well, I’m a sophisticated urbanite RAF, so maybe not my phone book. But it’s as thick as the Greater Hickory Metro Area phone book, that’s for sure!

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51 comments  |  6 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 100808: That election everyone’s talking about

That’s right…the Fremont mayor’s race and what it might mean for the A’s. What, you were thinking about some other election? No CGVinista me…I’m keeping it all baseball, all the time. At least until Late Night with Roy Williams kicks off the UNC Tarheels’ 08-09 men’s hoops campaign…in just two weeks!

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73 comments  |  5 recs | 

Athletics Nation Peanutball, The End. Apachylypse Now

Darkness. Bats on balls.

Crack. Crack. Crack.

Fade to slabs of sunwashed gray concrete. Crack. Crack. Stadium plaza: Ticket Services…Staff Entrance…Will Call…Crack. Curls of hot dog steam. Crack.

Massive concussions. Crack. Flames consume the crumbing park. Crack. Crack. Crack. Music:

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end.
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end…

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50 comments  |  24 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 081208: Gio’s like the sweetest guy ever

It’s late and there’s no DLD. So goes life when your team 1) had an off day yesterday; and 2) sucks. But I cannot let a certain something go unobserved by you, my A’s fan brethren and sistren.

But lo! a ray of sunshine doth pierce this veil of sorrow! His name is Gio Gonzalez, and as Susan Slusser chronicles in today’s, well, Chronicle, he’s like a cross between Gandhi and the cutest puppy dog ever.

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83 comments  |  4 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 071508: Baseball's Greatest Dicks

Apparently there hasn't been an everyday Dick in the big leagues since Dick Schofield pulled out of baseball after the 1996 season. Twelve long, hard years of Dicklessness.

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128 comments  |  4 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 071108: Can I see some ID, kid?

I commend you to this fine tale of one man’s refusal to accept the end of his dream, to play professional baseball, and the outlandish steps he took to sustain it. In short: lie about age, briefly join A’s organization, get cut, move to Australia, lie about name age with a newly created Aussie persona, don goofy wig, suffuse skin with anti-aging cream and thrice-daily shaves, and finally make it onto a professional ballfield at age 36…only to be undone at the last by a hidden ball trick. Worth a read. Also reminds us that some things never change:

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176 comments  |  6 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 060608: Mmmm, Doughnuts…

It’s National Doughnut Day!

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122 comments  |  6 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 060208: Lights on, no one’s home

I was going to add this as a simple link in someone else’s DLD. But it’s past noon and there ain’t no such beast, so here you go: Sunday’s Tribune followed up on an earlier "attendance sagging" article with a Carl Steward column which basically consisted of angry emails from fans who aren’t going to many/any games in Oakland this year.

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105 comments  |  6 recs | 

Athletics Nation Your man on the scene

"Is this Heaven?" "No, it’s the BART lot."

Midweek Day Game: seductive gateway drug. The first one’s $2. Next thing you know it you’re unshaven, unemployed, and drinking beers at 11 AM.

It’s sooooooooo good.

Sadly, I am fully employed. And partially shaven. Despite these obstacles, I will soon be savoring a gourmet brunch of burrito and Suds-Over-Asphalt, after which I'll repair to my choice of sun-kissed Coliseum seats.

Scratch a fan alone at a ballgame and you’ll find a geek. And maybe tetanus. No geek-denier me, I’ll wear it today, and if fickle technology and fickle'r motivation allow I’ll bust out the laptop and keep you posted in this thread. If it works I'll post again before first pitch.

This is gonna kill my chances with the ladies.

89 comments  |  5 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD, May 1st, 2008:  Red

Happy May Day! If you’re reading this you’re probably not shutting down the West Coast ports with the ILWU today.

Workers (with unchecked internet slack access…call it "slackcess") of the World Unite! As most of you know, it’s International Workers’ Day! Our friends at the IWW tell us that "Most Americans don't realize that May Day has its origins here in this country and is as "American" as baseball and apple pie."

That’s all the hook I need!

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146 comments  |  10 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 030608:  Blue

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154 comments  |  7 recs | 

Athletics Nation DLD 022708: Dump Me Two Times, Baby

“I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.”

As we continue our sporadic series of DLDs which for no good reason hook on a common cultural touchstone which to all appearances has no relation whatsoever to the A’s or even baseball.  But they do all mean something to me.  So there!  Previously: John Lee Hooker, Robert Anton Wilson, Dead Kennedys, Ned Flanders.

Now: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Doors!

Thedoorsbaseballjersey_thumb_medium

 

 

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133 comments  |  10 recs | 

Athletics Nation Bug my car dump: Weekend DLD 0216-1708

Inspired by Apricot’s awesome HOWTO DLD IN 3.0 DLD of yesterday, I thought I’d check and see what this brave new world was like for myself. Also, with the recommend system now working, Zonis’ Bug Report fAnPOsT has dropped out of sight, so please use this space to post weekend links and 3.0 bug reports. I have some of both:

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83 comments  |  6 recs | 

Athletics Nation Super Bowl:  Wanna Bet?

Disclaimer:  Nothing in the phrase "Wanna Bet?" should be construed as an invitation to bet.  No suggestion or offer herein contained is meant to promote or facilitate any wager, or to in any way encourage the participation in games of chance or skill for monetary or other fungible reward.  Even Josh Heytvelt fungi-bles.  The author of this post does not suggest or endorse gambling, ambling, rambling, or Grambling, though Doug Williams does rock.  AthleticsNation.com shall be held harmless for any incorrect inference drawn by anyone, ever, about anything.  "Point spreads," "Money Lines," "Odds" and other such terms herein contained are common usage expressions for methods of equitability for self-selected participants and do not connote or imply any form of gambling activity, legal or otherwise.  Contest is meant for fun only:  no actual fun may be inferred.  Spend your money on unlicensed BART Bridge merchandise instead.  The phrase "spend your money on unlicensed BART Bridge merchandise" is not meant as an imperative or invitation to trademark fraud.  "Fun" is an ephemeral concept subject to re-interpretation at the author’s sole discretion.

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71 comments  | 

Athletics Nation DLD 013108: Mean Girls and Englishmen (go out in the midday sun)

With the news that Andy Pettitte may tell Congress he discussed HGH with Roger Clemens and trainer Brian McNamee, Deadspin provides the definitive cultural comparable to the Clemens-Pettitte saga of frenemies:  the modern classic film "Mean Girls".  

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92 comments  | 

Athletics Nation No one else? OK, fine...it’s the first Uber Bowl XLII DLD (012808)

I know, I know, at T minus seven days it’s almost too late already.  You coulda stopped this...you coulda posted a DLD.  So there!  And what’s more, you get only one link.

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57 comments  | 

Athletics Nation DLD 011608:  Jerks, Crooks, and Oddballs

I’m a little short on feel-good links today.  So let’s try some feel-bad ones!

Poll
Bigger jerk?
Congressional steroid hunters
15 votes
The new sympathetic Nixon
11 votes
Self-abusing aliens named "Nicco"
15 votes
Roger Clemens
73 votes
Bud Selig
19 votes

133 votes | Poll has closed

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41 comments  | 

Athletics Nation Dump not closed on weekends, 01 12+3 08

Dump closed on Thanksgiving, maybe, but not on weekends.  hward86 relays the breaking rumor that Troy Glaus and Scott Rolen will be birds of a new feather next year.  Here’s the mlbtraderumors.com link.

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77 comments  | 

Athletics Nation DLD 123107: It's the End of the Dump as We Know It

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Lyrics by R.E.M., Links by F.S.U.

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97 comments  | 

Athletics Nation Peanutball 8: Stomper's "A Christmas Carol"

Stomper’s "A Christmas Carol"


Stave 1:  FINLEY’S GHOST

Finley was dead, to begin with.  There was no doubt whatever about that.  The earth on his grave had been pissed on by Bowie Kuhn, Catfish Hunter, fans of tasteful clothing and most of the local population of pack mules.  William Beane had pissed on it.  And in this business Beane’s name was gold.



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13 comments  | 

Athletics Nation DLD 110807: Spot? Damn! Out.

So last night I decided to sleep in Inverness.  I love Marin County when the soothing howls carry through fog ‘oer the moors.  

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62 comments  | 

Athletics Nation DLD 110507: Hey Joe, where ya goin with that mike in your hand?

Last week Nico, perhaps in the grips of a cutthroat game of Truth or Dare, fessed up that  he thinks Joe Morgan has become a good broadcaster.  For my part I’m somewhere in the middle, agreeing with Nico that Morgan can offer insight at times, and that he’s personable and has good rapport with Jon Miller, but also agreeing with devo and others that his wisdom about on-field events can’t compensate for a tide of gaffes and his stubborn refusal to accept any knowledge but that earned in big league dugouts, boned bat-smooth and varnished with a patina of tobacco spit.

Well, if it’s gross viscous stubbornness you crave, have I got the opportunity for you!  The Oakland City Council meets tomorrow night at 6:00!

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119 comments  | 

Athletics Nation DLD 100107: Well I used to love her, but it’s all over now

I open with a Zen koan:  If the Chron sportspage lacks Slusser articles for long winter months at a time, will it still besmirch my hands with anachronistic ink?

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80 comments  | 

Athletics Nation DLD 091807: Hey Vicente Padilla, ask Sen. Kerry a question!

I cannot abide DLDlessness another moment, so I’m gonna stick this f’in thing up there, so that the links may find a home for the entertainment and edification of ANers near and far.

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71 comments  | 

Athletics Nation WeekenDLD 0825-2607: Pry it out of my cold dead what?!

Just a short weekend DLD so folks have a place to put stuff.  If you're like me, your closet's full...dump some stuff here instead!

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14 comments  | 

Athletics Nation Hey-DLDiddily-ho, AN-erinos! (082207)


"Hens love Roosters, Geese love Ganders, Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!"

I know I sure do.  From his mustache to his relentless positivity to his rippled pecs, I think we could all use a healthy dose of Re-Ned-ucation!  

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130 comments  | 

Athletics Nation Baby Got Bat

My contribution to the debate over the moves the A’s should make this offseason:


Oh, my, god. Billy, look at his bat.
It is so big. (scoff) He looks like,
one of those face-lick girls' boyfriends.
But, y'know, who understands those face-lick girls? (scoff)
They only talk to him, because,
he looks like totally available, 'kay?
I mean, his bat, is just so big. (scoff)
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean - gross. Look!
He's just so...

Poll
As an Aâ€<sup>TM</sup>s fan heading into the fall I:
Believe the commitment to pitching and defense is still the best way to go
5 votes
Think the team is just a few small moves away from contention
12 votes
Will spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about The Big Bat
25 votes
Am concerned about the 4th and 5th rotation slots
7 votes

49 votes | Poll has closed

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29 comments  | 

Athletics Nation DLD 080207:  Hope Floats

Never saw the film.  I’m a big Forest Whitaker fan, but the story seemed a little...um, how to say this delicately...chick flicky.  Sorry.  Maybe it’ll reach the TBS/TNT rotation some day and I’ll have no choice but to watch it a half dozen times.

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208 comments  |