NEW YORK-- Influenced by the high demand for Negro League memorabilia, Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig announced Monday that, for the 2004 season, the national pastime will return to its storied, segregated past.

Atlanta Black Crackers owner Tom Forst (Carl Lidner) joins his player Ken Griffey Jr. at a press conference.

"This is a historic day for baseball players and fans alike," Selig told an excited crowd of black reporters and players gathered around a radio in the lobby of his Park Avenue headquarters. "Today, we honor the memory of such great black players as Satchel Paige, Buck Leonard, and Cool Papa Bell by giving the Negro Leagues a place in American sports once again."

Selig cited the abundance of Negro League documentaries, books, web sites, and museums as proof of the public's interest in revitalizing segregated baseball.

"Baseball is all about the fans," Selig said. "And the fans are all about paying big money for caps and T-shirts with the cool old Birmingham Black Barons logo on them. They love buying mahogany-framed prints of those neat black-and-white Kansas City Monarchs team photos, too."

The first successful Negro League was formed in 1920, and the leagues survived in some form until the early 1950s. When Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in 1947, black talent began to migrate to the major leagues.

"Some of the greatest baseball players in history were in the Negro Leagues," Selig said. "Even so, most of them were relative unknowns in their day. Well, now we have the advantage of working in reverse. By taking talented, pre-established All-Stars like Kenny Lofton, Sammy Sosa, and Gary Sheffield out of the Major Leagues, we make instant Negro League superstars."

Selig said the new Black National League and Black American League seasons will be played at the same time as those of regular, white Major League Baseball.

"I will personally ensure that the leagues for whites and blacks are equal in every way," Selig said. "As for the fans, they'll be getting twice as many games this summer. And we'll get surviving Negro League players, like former Philadelphia Stars pitcher Harold Gould, to throw out the first ball. Who would object to that?"

Selig said the Negro League games will not be geared toward an all-black audience.

"Only about 6 percent of fans attending Major League Baseball games last year were black," Selig said. "The demographic we're aiming for comprises diehard baseball fans and Negro-league memorabilia collectors, regardless of race or creed."

Selig explained that this demographic is composed predominantly of Caucasian men, and that Nielsen data indicates that the average baseball fan is 51 years old.

So far, baseball fans, particularly those residing in the Deep South, have embraced Selig's decision.

"This is going to be great," said Darryl Dupey, 54, of Birmingham, AL. "Dad always talked about seeing the Birmingham Black Barons face down teams like the Atlanta Black Crackers and the Chicago American Giants, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd get to see it myself. It's like a dream come true."

"This is a treasured piece of American history all over again," said Omar Whittlefield, owner of the new Chicago Black Stockings franchise. "During the first half of the 20th century, the color line kept black players from getting the recognition they deserved. Well, this time around, the players are going to be huge. I don't sell caps if they ain't!"

Unfortunately, some players have resisted joining the new league.

"Hell, no," said five-time All-Star Albert Belle, who was told to report for practice with the Tampa Bay Afro-Marlins next Wednesday. "Didn't we already go through this shit? No way I'm gonna be anyone's sepia-toned memory."

Barry Bonds, recently dismissed from the newly all-white San Francisco Giants, said he is unsure what he'll do.

"At this point, I don't know," Bonds said. "If I get a chance to play with Sheffield and a bunch of other great players on the Black Yankees, I have to admit that'd sorta be a dream come true. On the other hand, maybe it'd be time to retire."

While he acknowledged that his plan has its critics, Selig said the "shadow league" will revitalize baseball.

"A new generation will get to see the tragic majesty of Negro League play," Selig said. "Once again, baseball fans will be able to argue over whether or not a black player could make it in the majors, even if the player in question was already there. And maybe, just maybe, the brave Jackie Robinson of a new generation will dare to defy my color line and become a symbol of triumph. That'd really sell tickets."

from the onion.

As many of you know, that beautiful human being Kenny Rodgers was approached by the umpires after the first inning of Sunday's game because he was carrying a certain substance on his pitching hand.  The umps simply asked Rodgers to wipe the substance from his hand, and MLB has since reported that it was a "clump of dirt," of which Rodgers wasn't aware.

It should be noted, of course, that Rodgers went on to pitch seven shutout frames after the substance was wiped.  Using this as a reason, MLB has downplayed the whole event (giving it, I might add, the same treatment they give to all scandals, eg steroids).

Here's why I think Rodgers is full of crap:

The substance is rather glossy in this photo; I have never known infield dirt, or any other dirt, to be glossy like this.  Rather, I would expect a "clump of dirt" to be matte.

Pitchers are notoriously meticulous in protecting and caring for their pitching arms and hands off the field, and I find it rather unlikely that such a sizeable amount of goo on his pitching hand would go unnoticed.

A less-valid reason, simply because of the mouth which uttered it, is that LaRussa reported that several of his batters told him the ball was moving strangely prior to the umpires inspecting Rodgers's hand.

The final reason is that, from all accounts I've received, Kenny Rodgers is a wretched human being.

In my keeper fantasy league, I have 5 of the greatest starting pitchers, but can only keep 4 players for next year.  Basically, I need to choose one of the following to leave by the wayside: Johan Santana, Francisco Liriano, Ben Sheets, Chris Carpenter, or Rich Harden.

The league is points-based, with outs and K's worth +1, and all baserunners, earned runs, and other bad things worth -1.  Wins worth +10, CGs worth 5, and SHO worth 10.

Now, the Twins are safe, let's get that out of the way.  My main decision is between Sheets, Carpenter, and Harden.  Sheets and Carpenter have an easier time in the National League, with easier lineups and free strikeouts via the pitchers.  Harden has missed huge stretches of the last two years with injuries, but is young and has great upside, though he is at a disadvantage because of the DH.

So, please opine on this situation.  I will leave a poll slot open for the possibility of trading two of these fine pitchers for one marquee slugger, and keeping 3 pitchers and 1 hitter, which may be a better plan.

While perusing the 9/23 Final Plans diary a few days ago, I noticed a mention of the Hoxworth Blood Bank mascot, the blood drop.  Then, by a seemingly-unrelated coincidence, today I met up with an old friend from high school whom I haven't seen in a while.  We walked to a restaurant and chatted for a while, where I learned he was in a graduate program at UC med school.  After asking what I have been up to recently and hearing 'Reds games' as an answer, he mentioned that he is going to the game tomorrow, against the Cubs, right? but can't go with me, because he is going as a mascot.

The Hoxworth Blood Bank mascot.

Indeed, with my mouth agape, he confirmed that he is the famed blood drop, and will be playing whiffle ball on Mr. Red's team tomorrow at our team's hallowed ground.

So, to those of you attending the game in hopes of starting something with the Hoxworth Blood Drop, know that the man behind the "beady eyes" is none other than Shintaro Chiba.  And furthermore, should you engage him in a spat, (yes, I'm looking at you, Sukr,) have no doubt that he will revel in your roughhousing, and may even try to grab and/or hump you.  Just make sure you get his autograph at the appropriate time, and give him a slap in the face for ol' Gapper.

Give some love to the Reds' sister club in Deutschland!

http://www.stuttgart-reds.de/

Ok, they are probably an unofficial sister club, but they were at least inspired by our team.  If you are literate in German, give their site a read.  If not, then give it a look anyway.

They were the 2005 district league champions!