SBNation.com User Blog: Garrbanzzo

A Cagesider's first WWE experience!

Garrbanzzo — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:13:26 -0000

Editor's Note: This FanPost has been mildly edited for promotion to the front page and various sections within Cageside Seats for your enjoyment, Cagesiders!

________________________

So, I attended a SmackDown taping! The WrestleMania Revenge Tour show last Saturday (Apr. 27) in Mannheim, Germany. I was accompanied by three others (their names have been altered for the sake of anonymity).

My primary cohort in this venture was "Mr. Smark", a fellow wrestling enthusiast and a valuable repository of wrestling history. We are approximately the same age and share mostly the same views on all things wrestling. The other two members of this expedition were "Mr. Pants", a fair-weather wrestling fan, a few years younger than me, who has watched WWE off and on since his grade-school days, and a "Ms. Sarajevo", someone who was aware of WWE, but never actually watched it before.

As stated in the title, this was my very first WWE show, ever. However, I have attended numerous independent shows, most recently those put on by the Virginia based promotion Vanguard Championship Wrestling (VCW).

In the days of my childhood, I would spend my summer vacations walking from my grandmother's house in Piedras Negras, Mexico to Arena De Toros or El Gimnasio Municipal to watch regional lucha libre loosely affiliated with Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre or Asistencia Asesoría y Administración. Mr. Smark, on the other hand, had attended WrestleMania's 18 & 28 as well as various WWE and WCW events around the northeast.

The venue was about 45 minutes from our collective place of residence, Mr. Smark and I used this time to educate Ms. Sarajevo on the more memorable events and storylines that happened around the time of the Attitude Era (aka Mr. Smark's and my formative years). These events included:

Brian Pillman pulling a gun on Steve Austin on live TV, the Katie Vick angle, Stephanie McMahon's crucifixion and various non-consensual marriages, Mark Henry and Mae Young's love "child", Mick Foley's infamous Hell in a Cell match with The Undertaker, and the I Quit match against The Rock made famous by the wrestling Documentary Beyond the Mat.

When we arrived to the arena, Ms. Sarajevo, incredulously uttered perhaps the most entertaining line of the night, "People are bringing their kids to this?"

Our seats weren't the best, since we waited until the Friday before to purchase tickets, but the arena (about 10k seats) was configured in such a way that practically all seats had a clear line of sight to the ring. Shortly after our first beer (with the exception of our designated driver, Mr. Smark) the show began.

Lilian Garcia came out to welcome the crowd and was met with a warm reception.

Match 1: Fandango vs. Ted DiBiase (Singles)

Fandango came out first, sashaying to the ring with his lovely dance partner, and much to our surprise, was booed. DiBiase's music hit with a small, default pop for the face. Try as we might, the four of us couldn't get a large contingent of attendees to do the Fandango, there were isolated pockets of Fandangoing fans, but never more than a dozen or so.

The match was entertaining enough, with both wrestlers playing to the crowd whenever the match tempo slowed. Fandango ultimately beat DiBiase with his variation of the side-Russian legsweep, followed by a guillotine legdrop from the top rope.

Once the match was over, Fandango did the usual berating of the crowd for their collective mispronunciation of his name.

Match 2: Santino Marella and Alex Riley vs. Primo and Epico (Tag Team)

Mr. Pants and Ms. Sarajevo were unfamiliar with Santino, but I had been talking him up as the greatest comedic wrestler currently on the roster... and he did not disappoint. The three of us were in stitches watching Santino's antics in and out of the ring. Mr. Smark was never too keen on comedy wrestling, but he did enjoy the generic Alex Riley getting beat up by Primo and Epico.

My favorite spot in the match was when Santino attempted a leaping tag but fell short only to be dragged back into the match by Primo (or Epico). Ultimately, Santino landed the Cobra, much to my delight, on Epico (or Primo) and won the match.

Match 3: Layla vs. Aksana (Divas)

The Divas were up next, much to Mr. Smark's and my chagrin, but to the amusement of Ms. Sarajevo and Mr. Pants.

Without a doubt, this was the longest singles Diva's match I have witnessed in quite some time. Excruciating as it may have been for the technical wrestling fan in me to watch, I did enjoy chanting non-sequiturs during every rest hold (and there were many). Of all the cliché wrestling phrases, I yelled--- "WE WANT TABLES" -- by far got the largest reaction, literally seven people laughed out loud.

Eventually, Layla won with the standard Diva's roll-up. Oddly, Ms. Sarajevo wanted more Diva matches.

Match 4: Mark Henry vs. The Usos (Handicap)

WHEN WE SAY "U", YOU SAY "SO"... U, SO (lame)! So Mark Henry beat up the twin sons of Rikishi. Nothing memorable here, but least Mr. Pants came to the realization that Mark Henry was once "Sexual Chocolate".

Match 5: The New Age Outlaws and Sheamus vs. The Shield (Six-man Tag)

The New Age Outlaws came out first, and having been snotty teenagers during DX's heyday, Mr. Smark and I marked-out incredibly hard, so hard in fact, that we startled both Mr. Pants and Ms. Sarajevo, and probably everyone within a 10-seat radius.

Regrettably, Road Dogg Jesse James and Bad Ass Billy Gunn are no longer in peak wrestling shape. Even from our vantage point near the rafters, we could plainly see that Jesse James was pudgier than ever (hence the shirt), and although Billy Gunn looked in shape, his cardio was nowhere to be found. He was huffing and puffing so hard after his entrance, he had trouble getting his two lines out; and if you're not down with that, we got two words for you: SUCK IT!

Even more unfortunate than their less than spectacular entrance, was that they were teamed up with Sheamus, who got a HUGE pop from the crowd when his entrance music hit. Mr. Smark and I, as Internet wrestling community (IWC) members could not stand for this, so booed as hard as possible (with the help the other two members of our crew), but it wasn't enough.

Then, The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) came out through the crowd -- who was largely against them. The match itself was good, with Sheamus shouldering the load of the match, hitting all the major spots, the rolling slam, chest clubbing, white noise, and finally the brogue kick to set up the final pinfall.

The Shield, in their devious fashion, had Roman Reigns hit the spear, followed by a chair shot from Rollins that lead to a DQ loss, instead of an official pin/submission.

Match 6: Wade Barrett vs. Justin Gabriel (IC Title)

I knew there was no way in hell that there would be a title change on a SmackDown house show. Once both Barrett and Gabriel were announced, I left for a pee break and to get some more beer. When I came back, the match was over, Barrett retained of course.

Match 7: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger (No DQ)

When Lilian Garcia first addressed the audience, she mentioned that there would be a twitter poll using two hashtags to determine if Zeb Colter would be ringside, or remain backstage during the match.

Mr. Smark had convinced our group that Colter would do something similar to JBL goose-stepping and that the poll was rigged to have Zeb say some inflammatory things.

Sure enough, the poll fell in favor of Colter and he had an open mic. He equated America's immigration problem to Germany carrying the bulk of the economic load for the European Union and urged the German crowd to break from the unbalanced partnership.

This was the longest match of the night, the two Superstars and their corner men (Colter and Rodriguez) can certainly work a crowd.

Being a No Disqualification match, Mr. Smark and I hyped up the possibilities to the two non-smarks that had joined us. Trash cans, thumbtacks, road signs, barbed-wire bats, kendo sticks, chairs, ladders, and tables, were just some of the foreign objects we hinted might be secretly placed under the ring.

Without fail, Colter delivered, he lifted the ring apron while Swagger was in a devastating cross arm-breaker and delivered a kendo stick. Swagger ferociously smacked Del Rio until he released the hold. Swagger now had the upper hand; he discarded the kendo stick in favor of his own wrestling arsenal, an atomic drop, gutwrench powerbomb, and Swagger bomb, all used in an attempt to get the pin.

Rodriguez, not willing to let his best friend and employer be finished in such a way, found a kendo stick of his own and handed it to his Jefe and now Del Rio had the upper hand. Two broken kendo sticks later and both wrestlers are down for the count.

Del Rio rolls out of the ring and finds the strength to pull a table from under the ring, now the crowd (including my crew and me) are rabid, and he had just enough time to get it in the ring before Swagger attacked. Swagger is on the offensive and takes the time to set up the table in a corner of the ring -- it's begging to be broken. While Swagger is concerned with the table, Del Rio finds a third kendo stick and does not hesitate to use it.

There aren't anymore implements under the ring, both wrestlers are spent, the crowd is going wild, and from deep within, Del Rio finds the strength to whip Swagger into the still intact table. This was the end for the "Real American", and Alberto Del Rio gets the pinfall victory.

Match 8: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show (Singles Main Event)

Now, for the main event. The Big Show is first to be introduced, and Mr. Pants understandably was marking out, he has been a fan of The Big Show since he was The Giant back in WCW. As was I, but I had a strong feeling about the outcome of this match. Ms. Sarajevo on the other hand, had a differing opinion and had quickly become enamored with The Viper's physique.

Try as we might, Mr. Smark and I could not convince Ms. Sarajevo that Fandango was objectively the more attractive wrestler, and she continued to root for The Apex Predator. A few Vintage moves later, The Big Show was set up for the RKO, and without fail, Randy hit his signature move -- the match was over, Orton prevailed.

________________________

The night was over, and the four of us had just experienced a great night of wrestling. But all for entirely different reasons:

For me, I got to attend my first WWE show, Mr. Smark had attended a show with a blend of smarks and marks, Mr. Pants had his passion for pro wrestling rekindled, and Ms. Sarajevo was exposed to the wonderful world of hot dudes and chicks in skimpy outfits who populate the WWE roster.

Thank you for your time.

(Side Note: I don't mean mark or smark to be terms used in a derogatory manner, just as a way to denote different attitudes found within WWE crowds)

Editor's Note: This FanPost has been mildly edited for promotion to the front page and various sections within Cageside Seats for your enjoyment, Cagesiders!

________________________

When we arrived to the arena, Ms. Sarajevo, incredulously uttered perhaps the most entertaining line of the night, "People are bringing their kids to this?"

Lilian Garcia came out to welcome the crowd and was met with a warm reception.

Match 1: Fandango vs. Ted DiBiase (Singles)

Once the match was over, Fandango did the usual berating of the crowd for their collective mispronunciation of his name.

Match 2: Santino Marella and Alex Riley vs. Primo and Epico (Tag Team)

Match 3: Layla vs. Aksana (Divas)

The Divas were up next, much to Mr. Smark's and my chagrin, but to the amusement of Ms. Sarajevo and Mr. Pants.

Eventually, Layla won with the standard Diva's roll-up. Oddly, Ms. Sarajevo wanted more Diva matches.

Match 4: Mark Henry vs. The Usos (Handicap)

Match 5: The New Age Outlaws and Sheamus vs. The Shield (Six-man Tag)

The Shield, in their devious fashion, had Roman Reigns hit the spear, followed by a chair shot from Rollins that lead to a DQ loss, instead of an official pin/submission.

Match 6: Wade Barrett vs. Justin Gabriel (IC Title)

Match 7: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger (No DQ)

Mr. Smark had convinced our group that Colter would do something similar to JBL goose-stepping and that the poll was rigged to have Zeb say some inflammatory things.

This was the longest match of the night, the two Superstars and their corner men (Colter and Rodriguez) can certainly work a crowd.

Match 8: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show (Singles Main Event)

________________________

The night was over, and the four of us had just experienced a great night of wrestling. But all for entirely different reasons:

Thank you for your time.

(Side Note: I don't mean mark or smark to be terms used in a derogatory manner, just as a way to denote different attitudes found within WWE crowds)

What Santino Marella could have been...

Garrbanzzo — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 16:29:40 -0000

Boris Alexiev (via OrochiFlamez)

This was from an OVW promo. This was alegedly Paul Heyman's idea but I have no proof.

New Wrestling Lingo

Garrbanzzo — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 20:58:37 -0000

"Kryptonite Pin"

A kryptonite pin can be defined as: Any pin in Pro Wrestling/Sports Entertainment wherein the participant who has clearly been the recipient of most of the offensive maneuvers, pins his opponent and renders the previously unstoppable aggressor completely helpless and unable to escape the position.

These pins tend to occur in two varieties. The first being a very short match, where the losing individual effectively executes one counter or offensive move then suddenly lands a pin.

Example of the first variety: One of Tensai's first losses after his return to WWE was via kryptonite pin to Tyson Kidd, seen here.

The kryptonite pin can be seen in the early matches of a non PPV wrestling show. These matches are commonly between mid card baby faces and heels and more often than not end in the face getting one over on the heel. Frequently this type of pin used not to put the face over, but to build heat for the heel by eliciting a violent reaction or outburst upon an unsuspecting innocent by standard as shown in the example above.

The second variety of kryptonite pins can be regularly attributed to the Supermen of wrestling such as Hulk Hogan. These pins occur after a longer grueling match and are result of a patented and predictable set of moves (sometimes of doom) that negate any and all previous offense by their foe, regardless of volume, effectiveness, or severity and end in the same debilitating fashion.

"Kryptonite Pin"

These pins tend to occur in two varieties. The first being a very short match, where the losing individual effectively executes one counter or offensive move then suddenly lands a pin.

Example of the first variety: One of Tensai's first losses after his return to WWE was via kryptonite pin to Tyson Kidd, seen here.

Garrbanzzo's CSS Greatest Matches Tournament Grading Rubric

Garrbanzzo — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 20:09:41 -0000

Hollywood Wallace called me out on my percentage breakdown of the CSSGMT match between Punk/Bryan@OtL and the 92 Rumble so I'll be posting "Garrbanzzo's Grade" based on the following rubric (subject to change).

First
- Percentage points are relative to the matches facing each other and my own personal biases.
- A hardcore spot-fest may have different scores against a cage match and an Iron man match.
- And scores will probably change as I learn more about them through the tournament.
Wrestling 66%
- Quality of the match.
- Includes work rate, difficulty of maneuvers, execution, and acting.
- Most percentage points because I enjoy the in ring aspect the most.
Story 19%
- Was the story good and did it matter?
- How the story affected it's environment.
- Second most because a match is much less interesting if the circumstances and consequences involved in the match are meaningless.
Character Progression 9%
- Affect on wrestlers.
- Did the match change some aspect of their persona?
- I don't know much about wrestling in therms of the history behind a wrestler's growth and evolution.
Other 6%
- Other things about the match.
- Could be anything as long as it was during the match.
- Just because I noticed Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse rooting for John Cena during Cena/Punk@MitB.

EXAMPLE: RUBLE 92 VS PUNK/BRYAN OtL

RUMBLE 92
- Wrestling 41%
  - It's was a Royal Rumble so not really the place for Flying Super Frankensteiners or Reverse Indian Deathlocks
- Story 8%
  - Don't know much about the story behind this but from what I the broadcast crew said Flair and Hogan don't like each other.
- Character Progression 7%
  - Ric Flair set a rumble record and that title win contributed to his 16 Heavyweight Championships.
- Other 1%
  - I personally dislike a lot of wrestling commentary and Monsoon/Heenan got on my nerves at times.
- TOTAL 57%
PUNK/BRYAN OtL
- Wrestling 50%
  - I am a huge mark for intricate Pro-wrestling holds like the leg lace to curb stomp that Booker nor King new what to call, the surfboard (a staple in older lucha libre) and the crucifix/full-nelson/abdominal stretch D-Bry had on Punk.
- Story 5%
  - I can't quite remember how Bryan got the title shot, something about a time limit match, but the AJ love triangle was decent.
- Character Progression 2%
  - Not much here, now Punk and Bryan are more confused with AJ.
- Other 4%
  - Did anyone else notice what looks to be vitiligo on Bryan’s left elbow? AJ added a nice twist by enabling further use of foreign objects. Again poor commentary. Thanks Booker.
- TOTAL 61%

If you read this whole thing, thank you and I'll do my bet to do this for all remaining match-ups. I'll conclude with this, I don't know that much about wresting so if you disagree that cool, this is just for fun anyway.

First
- Percentage points are relative to the matches facing each other and my own personal biases.
- A hardcore spot-fest may have different scores against a cage match and an Iron man match.
- And scores will probably change as I learn more about them through the tournament.
Wrestling 66%
- Quality of the match.
- Includes work rate, difficulty of maneuvers, execution, and acting.
- Most percentage points because I enjoy the in ring aspect the most.
Story 19%
- Was the story good and did it matter?
- How the story affected it's environment.
- Second most because a match is much less interesting if the circumstances and consequences involved in the match are meaningless.
Character Progression 9%
- Affect on wrestlers.
- Did the match change some aspect of their persona?
- I don't know much about wrestling in therms of the history behind a wrestler's growth and evolution.
Other 6%
- Other things about the match.
- Could be anything as long as it was during the match.
- Just because I noticed Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse rooting for John Cena during Cena/Punk@MitB.

EXAMPLE: RUBLE 92 VS PUNK/BRYAN OtL

RUMBLE 92
- Wrestling 41%
  - It's was a Royal Rumble so not really the place for Flying Super Frankensteiners or Reverse Indian Deathlocks
- Story 8%
  - Don't know much about the story behind this but from what I the broadcast crew said Flair and Hogan don't like each other.
- Character Progression 7%
  - Ric Flair set a rumble record and that title win contributed to his 16 Heavyweight Championships.
- Other 1%
  - I personally dislike a lot of wrestling commentary and Monsoon/Heenan got on my nerves at times.
- TOTAL 57%
PUNK/BRYAN OtL
- Wrestling 50%
  - I am a huge mark for intricate Pro-wrestling holds like the leg lace to curb stomp that Booker nor King new what to call, the surfboard (a staple in older lucha libre) and the crucifix/full-nelson/abdominal stretch D-Bry had on Punk.
- Story 5%
  - I can't quite remember how Bryan got the title shot, something about a time limit match, but the AJ love triangle was decent.
- Character Progression 2%
  - Not much here, now Punk and Bryan are more confused with AJ.
- Other 4%
  - Did anyone else notice what looks to be vitiligo on Bryan’s left elbow? AJ added a nice twist by enabling further use of foreign objects. Again poor commentary. Thanks Booker.
- TOTAL 61%

tremendous fan-made (not by me) poster for UFC 153

Garrbanzzo — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 04:33:47 -0000

tremendous fan-made (not by me) poster for UFC 153

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change."...

Garrbanzzo — Sun, 08 Jul 2012 08:55:42 -0000

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change."

That is perhaps the greatest quote from the greatest sports movie ever Rocky IV. If Anderson Silva can put aside all the trash talk from Sonnen and invite him to a BBQ, and Sonnen can crack a smile after his most devastating loss, there's still hope for humanity

Courtesy of fightlinker.com