Gary Bennett's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Gary Bennett counted to infinity - twice.

Gary Bennett can speak braille.  

Gary Bennett does not sleep. He waits.

Superman owns a pair of Gary Bennett pajamas.

Gary Bennett died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Gary Bennett is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Gary Bennett

Gary Bennett can slam revolving doors.

Gary Bennett was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Gary Bennett says its beef, then it's fucking beef.  

Gary Bennett doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Gary Bennett's wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."  

Once a cobra bit Gary Bennett's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.  

When Gary Bennett falls in water, Gary Bennett doesn't get wet. Water gets Gary Bennett.

Gary Bennett doesn't read books: he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Gary Bennett can divide by zero.

Gary Bennett doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Gary Bennett is Gary Bennett.

When Gary Bennett does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.  

Gary Bennett built a time machine and traveled back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck deflected all three bullets with his goatee. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Gary Bennett does not get frostbite. Gary Bennett bites frost.

Gary Bennett's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Gary Bennett has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Gary Bennett once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.

ESPN did the Cardinals top three web gems "ever".  Of course, they were lazy in their research and didn't dig deep at all.  It's really a pretty dumb segment - but hey, they're trying to fill out an hour on Baseball Tonight.
Here they were:
3 - Jimmy's catch this year running up that ridiculous hill in Houston.
2 - A Jimmy over-the-wall steal (I forget the game)
1 - Ozzie catching a deep pop fly and diving over Lonnie Smith to do so.

Of course they had to pick one of Ozzie's.  That's cool.  I'd like to hear from some fans who've followed this team for years.  What do you think?

Two great BIG GAME plays that come to mind for me are: (1) Willie's over-the-wall steal in the 1982 WS - back when it was really rare to see such a grab. (2) I think it was the 85 playoffs or WS...Terry Pendleton caught a deep foul pop up with a guy on 3rd, the guy on 3rd tagged and broke for home and Pendleton gunned his ass.

OK, on todays thread there was discussion of the Cardinals not having any African American players.  This led me to post my favorite all-Black Cardinal team, which was as follows:
1st - Dimitri Young
2nd - Delino DeShields
3rd - Pendelton
SS - Ozzie
P - Gibson
C - Marcus Jensen (someone else thought of this)
OF - Willie
OF - Brock
OF - Flood
DH - Lonnie Smith

And so now I present my all-Latino Cardinals:
1st - Galaragga....just kidding, AP
2nd - Julian Javier
3rd - Fernando Tatis
SS - Edgar
P - Joaquin
C - Tony Pena
OF - Juan Enc
OF - Felix Jose
OF - David Green
Util - Jose Oq.
DH - Pedro

I think Bob Gibson would take this team.