Ja Boi has a few short term goals:

1)      Get on the KC Parks and Rec Board and get some concrete ping pong tables in local parks

2)      Get my girlfriend to mow the lawn

3)      Eradicate the comment sections of fantasy football talk

Nothing ruins a good Clark Hunt is cheaper than Hetty Green thread like, “I’m in a PPR league with two flex spots.  Toby Gerhart is on bye so which two of the following four should I start; Thomas Jones, Breaston, McCluster, or Jordon Shipley?” 

With the Chiefs on bye this week, there will undoubtedly be more insufferable fantasy football banter.  I’m sure you paint huffers have teams chock-full of Chiefs, because you just know McClain is going to be the next 1000 yard back and Baldwin will put up 750 yards as a rookie, so you’ll be scrambling to fill your roster and seeking advice.

So here it is, your fantasy football safe haven.  A place to discuss the ins and outs of your team or league without some asshole telling you “NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FANTASTY TEAM.”  So please take advantage of it and remember, your squad aint got shit on team Mustache In Your Face.  5-0 and eyein that paper.

We’re all approaching our fake football drafts which means it’s time to switch our minds to overanalyze mode.  My old friend Yoga Nate once told me “I’ve overanalyzed every decision I’ve ever made,” yikes, what a way to go through life.  This morning we’ll try to overanalyze tweets from Bob Fesco and Nick Wright to try and narrow down what’s up with our favorite Beetlejuice lookalike.  This isn’t meant to be a bash and discredit the local media bit.  I like Wright and to a lesser extent Fesco but that’s besides the point.  Let’s just look at their words and try to cover all the bases.

From Wright:

"Hearing bad things about Baldwin's absence from practice yesterday. Can't confirm anything due to Radiothon, will work on it after 6pm."

And later from Fesco:

“Baldwin stuff I am hearing is not terrible. Not the best news but not terrible either…still chasing”

We’ll lump possible scenarios into the following categories; injury, personal, team rules, legal problems.

Injury

Hard to believe this is the reason for the absence, especially since Wright claims its not injury related.  The bigger concern on the injury front is that it’s a health related problem versus a football related injury.  Too many potential non-football related health issues to speculate about but we all can agree this would be worse case scenario.

Personal

New born kid?  No that wouldn’t be a “bad thing.”  Death in the family?  That’s bad but not entirely horrible (unless it’s Ed Reed-esque) as death is something we all deal with.  Sick kid?  Car trouble?  Closing on a house?  None of those are really bad things and none should require him to miss practice.

Team/NFL Rules

Now help me if I’m wrong but I don’t remember Haley ever sending someone home for breaking team rules or for being a dick.  I don’t even recall Barry Richardson being punished for shoving his coach on the sideline.  This seems highly unlikely although if it was something internal we certainly wouldn’t be hearing much about it.

Could also be drug related.  We haven’t heard anything about Baldwin liking da weed but we do know that 22 years olds love getting high.  I can’t think of a reason for a young wide out to use HGH or juice so we’ll dismiss those for now.  Also if it was a failed drug test you think we would have heard more, although there may be an appeal or retest process.

Legal Problems

Given the other categories and info given to date, this seems the most likely.  However, you’d think some Chiefs fan would be scouring the local police beat to see if his name comes up.  So many legal scenarios to speculate about.  DUI?  The players did just have the afternoon off for a movie, perhaps Baldwin was getting crunk at the movies as so many of us do.  Smackin a woman?  God I hope not, we’ve been down that road before.  Excessive speeding?  I think we all could deal with that.  Illegal dominos parlor?  If that’s the case, RESPECT.  Dealin some of those MJ’s that were stolen from trucks highjacked outside of KC?  If our first round pick is dabbling in stolen sneakers I may have a new favorite player.  As a side note, if anyone knows where to get your hands on those stolen MJ holla at Ja Boi.  Sexual assualt?  Again, God I hope not.  Note to all pro athletes, when faced with a sexual accusation use the Kobe defense, “she wanted it,” not the defense that clown used on Troost, “I thought she was dead.”  Thinking someone is dead is not grounds to go to town on them.  Covert Russian spy?  Pretty unlikely but treason is certainly bad.

Until we hear more, and let’s hope we do, your speculation is as good as mine.  In the meantime let’s do it like Pollard couldn’t and cover all our angles.

Here's a Friday treat for all you suckas, some rare as shit KC garage.

Damn you, late game!  You’re messin’ with my flow.  If you’re anything like me, and God help you if you are, your fall weekends are pretty routine.  Get out of work Friday, jam some tunes, pounds some drinks and maybe some cheeseburgers.  Wake up Saturday, do some chores, watch some college football, and lay low to ensure you’re fresh for that 9am tailgate Sunday morning.  Hop out of bed Sunday morning, toss on that tattered red golf shirt (no self respecting man wears a jersey) and either hightail it to Arrowhead or out to the driveway to get a solid three hours of tailgating in before kickoff.  It’s a wonderful, time tested routine, but this weekend that routine gets turned on its head. 

The only college game we have is shwag ass Army Navy.  Spare me the “Support our troops” BS, this game is a snoozer.  To make things much worse, we’re stuck with the dreaded 3pm Chiefs game.  Oh I how I hate those.  You’re still up and ready at 9 but if I crack open that Pale Ale or I’ll be doing my best Bob Huggins’s impression come kickoff.  So, its three hours in some sort of bizzaro limbo while anxiously waiting the Chiefs kickoff.  Sure you have morning games, and this week we have thrillers like Atlanta Carolina, Browns Bills, and Green Bay Detroit but let’s be honest, Army Navy is more intriguing. 

So you pace around the house for 3 hours waiting for shitty morning games to start.  You try to start the tailgate at noon but it just doesn’t feel right.  Finally, the Chiefs kickoff but you’re problems aren’t over.  You love yourself a post noon game nap.  You’ve been out in the sun, maybe the cold, you’ve done some day drinking and some over eating, and the Chiefs just won at Arrowhead.  There is no better time to shwag out for an hour on the couch.  You can sleep an hour and still wake up to catch the end of the late games.  It’s blissful.  But not this weekend.  Try to take a nap and you’ll wake to complete darkness wondering where the hell you are.  Late games messin’ with your riddim.

I hate you late games.  I hate you more than a Nancy Pelosi prepared veggie burger.

So you want to see your KC Chiefs play this weekend?  The problem is, just like Francois Ja Boi you ain’t got no money, you ain’t got no job, you ain’t got no credit, you ain’t got no girl.  What’s a player to do?  Lucky for you, we’ll have you hustling with the best of them in no time.

Today we’ll be focusing on finding tickets for your broke-ass.  There are a few simple keys to finding cheap tickets to nearly any sporting event, master them and you’ll truly be an Arrowhead hustler.

Step 1 – Chill Out.  I’ve seen it way too many times.  Someone without a ticket shows up to the tailgate and cannot relax until they have a ticket in hand.  If you can’t curb the urge to buy a ticket immediately you’re going to overpay.  Listen, time is on your side.  So take a step back and understand your situation.  The game isn’t sold out (not always true but very likely true if it’s a Chiefs game), if push comes to shove you can go buy tickets from the ticket office.  That means that people are selling tickets because they have extras not because they’re trying to make a buck.  Use this to your advantage.  As kickoff nears, the value of those tickets drop like a rock.  After kickoff they drop even more.  But don’t wait too long or people will take their extras in with them.  I recommend cruising around the gates 15 minutes before kickoff should you not find a good deal earlier.

Step 2 – Let People Know You’re a Buyer.  This seems obvious right?  But you’d be surprised how many people think tickets are just going to fall into their lap.  Walking around, fingers in the air with how many you need and you should damn near be constantly yelling some combination of “Who’s got my extra?” “Who’s got my miracle” and “You got tickets, I got cash.”  Can’t stress this enough, let people know you’re looking to buy.  It’s the part of scalping that most people hate because, well most people don’t like being the center of attention and your goal here is to draw attention to yourself.

Step 3 – Have Every Denomination of Cash.  Again, an easy but important step.  If I agree to sell you a ticket for $56 but all you have is three twenties there is no way in Hell I am making you change.  Not going to happen.  So you’ve got to have all your bases covered.  Your bank roll should at a minimum have; a bunch of twenties, a ten, a five, and four singles.  Make like a Boy Scout and be prepared for any dollar amount you settle on.

Step 4 – Don’t Make the First Offer.  Basic negotiation tactic here but it’s important.  Only one phrase you need to know, “What you asking?”  Now some seasoned hustlers are going to try and flip that back at you with something along the lines of, “What are you looking to spend?”  Be prepared for this either by having a ridiculously low number in mind, or by reverting to our go to phrase, “What you asking?” 

Step 5 – Negotiate.  Again, some people hate negotiating.  Why this is is beyond me.  I love it and try to haggle damn near everyone, within reason, down at least 10%.  Unless someone offers you a ticket in exchange for a beer (as seen last year), talk them down.  The worst thing that can happen is the guy says no.

Step 6 – Be Prepared to Walk Away.  Again, this should be obvious.  Some people think they’re going to get face value for their extra tickets.  These people are delusional.  You want to look like a veteran hustler so if someone asks for face, scoff, tell them good luck, and let them know that if they actually want to sell the ticket you can be found right where you are.  You’d be surprised how many times the dude will come back 20 minutes later and accept your offer.  Most likely his wife told him to sell the ticket and he can’t enjoy his tailgate until he gets rid of it.  Then again there are people who can simply not accept the thought of losing money on a ticket, will wait and wait trying to get face value only to end up going into the game, extra in pocket, and getting nothing for it.  These people are idiots and you wouldn’t want to sit next to them anyway.

There you have it.  Follow these six simple steps and you’ll be coming up with $10 tickets in no time.  And remember, if you're not hustling you're getting hustled.

So you’re coming to Kansas City, good for you.  I’m here to help you with your trip to our fine city. 

I’ll tell you right now, I don’t know anything about anything north of the river.  It’s all Iowa to me.  North Land brothers, please help us out with some recommendations.  Don’t stay in the northland, I’m sure it’s a nice place to live (doubts it’s a nice place to live) but it’s not a good place to visit, all the action is down south.

Transportation

KC has close to no public transit.  The bus is weak and will not take you to Arrowhead.  There is some gimmicky trolley but it’s little more than a novelty.  You’ll want to rent a car.  This is very important, DO NOT RENT FROM ENTERPRISE!  They are some meat gazing, monkey lovers who should not be trusted or patronized.  Those snakes ran a huge campaign against a tax that gave us the Sprint Center and they should never be forgiven. 

Lodging

Can’t say that I’ve ever stayed in a hotel in KC, that whole stay-caction thing might be the only dealie lamer than the sarcasm font.  If you’re trying to ball you’ll want to stay at the InterContinental, the Raphael, or President downtown.  Every other dump is just a roof over your head.  I would not recommend staying by the stadiums.  That is the sweaty taint of our fine town.

Eats

A players got to eat and judging by the average waistline of KC residents, we’ve got some good food.

You’re in from out of town, you’ll probably want some BBQ.  Gates is my favorite, shout out to Tech9ne, and I particularly like the off of Clever II east of the Plaza.  Arthur Bryant’s is a close second but do not go to the one at the casino you have to roll down to 18th and Brooklyn, this is not even an option go to the ghetto.  A bit of advice on those two dumps, the Gates ribs (remember, you want a short end) are far better than Bryant’s, the Bryant’s sandwiches (beef and pork combo) are far better than Gates, both have phenomenal burnt ends.  Okie Joes gets a lot of hype and is worth hitting.  I’m sure commenters have a laundry list of other places they like.  I’m a known Jack Stack hater (as is Tech9ne) and wouldn’t recommend that swill to anyone.  I know two things that shouldn’t be found in a BBQ joint, parsley on the plate and micro waved food.  You’ll find both at Jack Stack.

But there’s more to it than BBQ. 

For pizza, it doesn’t get any better than Waldo Pizza (Italian sausage with red bell pepper and spicy red sauce on the thin crust).  Da Bronx is legit but don’t get a pie with too many toppings as their stuff gets soggy.  Minksy’s is hit or miss, you’ve got to go to one owned by the original Minsky family so hit the one at 55th and Main or in the River Market.

Burgers.  Max’s auto diner is the burger messiah of KC, their animal burger can’t be beat.  Town Topic is right up there though.  If you want to impress your date, take her to Johnny’s Donuts at 44th and Prospect as they make the best burger in the ghetto.  We have two newish gourmet burger places, BRGR on the Kansas side and Blanc on the Plaza.  Both are good, BRGR is better.

Sit down.  Got that ball and chain with you?  Burgers, pizza, and BBQ not going to cut it?  Carmen’s Café is legit Italian, more legit than Garozzo’s.  Any Mexican dump (save Manny’s, that’s some straight gringo shit) on Southwest Boulevards is good.  I am nuts about the Thai Place (local chain, real original name huh?), their best location is on 87th by the Johnson County library followed by the one in Westport.  Best sushi, and this isn’t even a debate, is at Jun’s at 75th and State Line.  Bluebird is a super heady organic (not vegetarian) restaurant at 17th and Summit (I think Summit).  Eden’s Alley, my old go to first date place, if crazy chronic vegetarian food.  Best Indian is at Ruchi’s in Overland Park.  I’m sure commenters have other recommendations.

Drinks

I’m not shy about my disdain for the White Power and Light district.  Its so lame it makes me sick thinking about it.  Prepackaged, soulless crap.  That is NOT Kansas City. 

The way I see it, there are three real entertainment areas.  Westport/midtown, the Plaza, Brookside/Waldo.  And those are listed probably in order of decreasing interest to an out-of-towner.  These days I only go to one bar so I don’t have a lot of specific recommendations.  The few I would recommend include Bobby Baker’s at 72nd and Wornall (low key), Charlie Hooper’s on 63rd (all around good bar with above average food), the Record Bar at 43rd and something has some sort of music nightly, and Chez Charlie’s home of KC’s Friday night funk night.  Chez is the only place I drink and I drink there every Friday, it is awesome in so many ways.  Every bar should be more like it.

Where ever you drink try our Boulevard beer, its good.  And black the hell out, you’re on vacation for crying out loud.

Stuff to do

We’ve got all the typical museum stuff.  The Nelson Atkins is great, the WW1 museum is great, the Kansas City museum (in old historic Independence) is way better than I ever expected, the miniature museum by UMKC is surprisingly good too.  But there’s more than that…

Did you know that KC is a renowned disc golf hot spot?  Nothing beats fall frolf.  The Boulevard Brewery tour (Missoura’s larger AMERICAN OWNED brewery, eat shit InBev) is fun but you need to schedule well in advance.  Negro League museum is cool.  We have casinos but they don’t have sports gambling.  If you’re not some fraidy, I like cruising the Paseo from Meyer all the way downtown and seeing all the old buildings (it’s a really smooth drive).  The zoo is lame as is World’s of Fun. 

Kansas City’s a kick ass town and you’ve made a great decision to come here for a game.  I hope this guide helps make your trip even better.  I’ll leave other recommendations to the commenters. 

Another Friday night is upon us, suckas.  Its funk night and I'm sunburnt as all Hell.  I bet you guys are stoked about your 3 day weekend?  Think that's cool?  Your boy, HIV 2 Elway has a 10 day weekend.  BOOM THO!!!

Lets hear about your Friday night or highlights from your week.  Or more importantly, lets hear about what your girl is wearing or what you're cooking up in celebration of Freedom Day.  Yours truly picked up two slabs of ribs for Sunday. 

We’ve all heard the adage “buy the rumor, sell the news.”  While it applies to stocks well, it doesn’t apply to NFL players.  Rather the opposite is true, teams must pass on the rumor, or uncertainty, and buy the proven thing.  This is why the Chiefs must actively work to trade for Bad Touch Ben.  Is he a dick?  Sure is.  Is he one hell of a QB?  Damn straight.  Is he more of a sure thing than Cassel?  Without a doubt.

The trade Pioli should be looking to make is Cassel plus the #5 overall pick for Bad Touch Ben and the #18 overall pick.  This helps the Chiefs in more than one way.  First, we instantly get better at QB.  Personal issues aside, no one can argue that Cassel is better than Bad Touch Ben.  Secondly, it puts the Chiefs in a better draft position to take a player of need.  Specifically, it puts the Chiefs in a position to take Maurkice Pouncey. 

KC is in a tough spot, none of the picks at #5 really make sense, really have any value.  The online needs help but it needs help inside, specifically at center.  We need an inside linebacker but we don’t want to pay an unproven McClain as much if not more as Dansby.  We need help at safety but safety can be had in round 2 (not to mention that Berry is the most overrated player in this draft).

It makes sense on too many levels not to pursue it.  It won’t be popular at first but winning will cure any apprehension with the fans and a change of scenery would to wonders for Bad Touch Ben.  Plus Pouncey would look great in red.

I hate mock drafts. We’ve already seen countless mocks and we don’t yet even know who will be leaving school early. Every year we are bombarded with clichés like "upside, playmaker, raw athletic ability, difference maker." Each year we all get hung up on one player far too early and are disappointed when they don’t end up in red and gold. Last year everyone was rubbing one out to Curry. This year we already have people beating it feverishly to Suh and Berry. So join with me in mocking the draft. Today we’re picking five rounds of KC Restaurants. List your picks and scouting reports in the comments.

Round 1

Waldo Pizza – With over 22 years experience making pies, Waldo has the ability to be an instant contributor to your dietary lineup. While some may argue that there is more pizza value in later rounds of the draft, Waldo Pizza is the kind of special talent difference maker that justifies the premium salary associated with a top draft choice. Waldo’s highly versatile topping options allow the pizza to play numerous positions satisfying a wide variety of appetites.

Pros – Experience, chicken pesto pie, choice cut with alfredo, sausage red pepper with spicy red sauce

Cons – High cost when compared to pizza alternatives, too many damn kids running around like madmen in dining area

Round 2

Westport Thai Place – The premium location of this four location Kansas City institution is a high to mid second round prospect. The curries have knock out strength but may miss routine tackles. Dishes are affordable and the dining area is attractive.

Pros – Pang dang, Volcano seafood soup, accessible Westport parking

Cons – Goes for the big hit too often, Thai hot may leave diner with a blistered tongue

Round 3

Westport Flea Market – A bit of a reach in the third round. This talent likely would have been available in the later rounds. Playing in a high profile market and name recognition may have overvalued this KC landmark. Burgers are constantly good and the fried pickles are the best in the region. However, the cash only policy and rude wait staff may scare away some GMs concerned about off the field issues.

Pros – McGonigals meat, karaoke, good beer selection, fried pickles.

Cons – Cash only, too many hipster doofuses, rude wait staff

Round 4

Blue Bird Bistro – Time to raise the crunch. Not quite to Eden’s Alley crunchiness but crunchy none-the-less. You just woke up with next to some dame, you want to impress her with your vast knowledge of KC breakfast and brunch hot spots, where are you going to take her? First Watch? Yeah, you and every other wannabe Don Juan. Sharps? You can do better. Mama’s? Maybe, if you woke up next to some greasy spoon swamp donkey. No, you want to take that special lady down to 17th and Summit for some chronic locally grown grub. Solid laid back interior, private rooms upstairs, organic food without all the vegan bullshit make the Blue Bird a great fourth round value.

Pros – Local bacon, foxy artsy-fartsy wait staff, killer interior

Cons – Inconvenient location, organic crowd

Round 5

Jim’s Diner – Steal of the draft. Jim’s diner is to burgers what Jarred Allen is to d-ends. Under priced, hidden gem of a talent that will fucking wreck shop on all who stand in its path. The highly questionable location and regulars may have scared other scouts and allowed Jim’s to fall in the draft. Burgers are the best in town (sorry Max’s, you know I love you but broke my heart when you closed the 63rd street location) and the selection of fried foods is second to none. Want a burger and that "new" Doug E. Fresh bootleg? Jim’s is your pick.

Pros – CHRONIC burgers, fried everything, could probably score some ice with your burger, fat dude slanging bootlegs

Cons – In the ghetto, not the friendliest folks to whities

From the FanPosts. You got a link for this breaking news story? -Chris

First of all, big “up yours” to Primetime for not putting this on the front page and relegating such breaking news to the lowly Fan Posts. 

According to my inside sources the Chiefs will have scouts at this weekend’s colossal Oregon Ducks vs Arizona Wildcats game in beautiful Tucson, Arizona.  But who will the scouts be scouting?  This game, and this conference, is bursting at the seams with NFL talent.  As few of you know the best football is played out west.  They don’t call it the Conference of Champions for nothing. 

This game will feature some money o-linemen and some worthy defenders, but for now lets focus on the skill players.

Continue reading this post »

Okay sports fans, it's time for a quick preseason bet before the action starts tonight.  Some of you meat gazers have chimed in on this already but lets give it one more go so the picks are better documented.  This bet started as a drunken argument in one of Boston’s more douchetastic bars.  “I’ll bet you $100 you can’t pick 6 NFL teams that won’t make the playoffs.”  It’s a legit bet given the NFL lauds itself on its parody.

Since we’re all just fake friends around here and there is little chance of one ever collecting from another (except you Shuffle, my boy Sanchez is about to ball and I will hunt you down for what’s mine), we won’t actually be betting on this.  That said lets take it a step further and pick 7 teams that won’t make the playoffs.  Winner takes nothing.

Who are your 7 teams missing the playoffs?

I know, I know, it’s a football blog, baseball is boring, they play too many games, steroids and the Yankees are ruining the game, blah blah blah.  Forget that, most of us are fans of all Kansas City teams.  That said…

Any other Arrowhead Pride freaks going to be out at the K tomorrow?  If so there are beers to drink, blunts to smoke, and sluts to pound.  Your humble narrator will be out there around noon and drunk by 2.  If any of you want to meet up, get in touch, either through the comments or drop a line at youreabumherm@gmail.com

Everyone please join me in a big round of applause for the 2009 AP NCAA tournament pool winner mooseface79.  Mooseface put us all to shame by correctly picking 46 of 63 games (73% accuracy).  Old Moose correctly picked all 4 Final Four teams, 6 of the Elite Eight, and 10 of the Sweet Sixteen.  To top it off, Moose had cock washing Roy cutting down the nets.  What does such an incredible game picking prowess win Moose?  A victory lap.  Take it away Moose…

Ok Sports Fans, brackets are out.  Arizona keeps the streak alive for the 25th year, BEAR DOWN!   Lets get in on the action.  An Arrowhead Pride pool has been set up through Yahoo.  All you meat gazers need to sign up and fill out a bracket.  Make sure you use your AP user handle as your bracket name so we can tell who's who, and while we're at who's your hoops squad?

Sign up here

Or use the following:

Group ID#: 72238
Password: cassel

:

I probably shouldn't be telling all you mad dogs about this since its intended for REAL Kansas City Chiefs fans like myself, but there is a conference call with Clark Hunt tonight.  He is going to be explaining what he has planned and fielding questions from season ticket holders.

The call is from 5-6pm.  If you want to listen in the number is - 1-877-269-7289.  The pin number is - 13692. 

I'll be stuck in my soul sucking contracts course tonight so I'll need some of you meat gazers to take notes for the rest of us.

Alright sportsfans, we've had tons of posts about who the Cheifs should or shoudn't draft.  It's Friday and many of us are counting down the hours, or in my case ripping the spiders out from under my skin, until we punsh the shit out of our livers.  Lets spice it up and see how creative you knobs can be with some KC haikus. 

I'll kick it off...

Night can’t get any worse

Trendy KC bars are lame

LJ spits on you

End of an era

Hy-Vee, big baller in town

So long Chiefs and Chopper

Hi may I help you?

Short end and frys to stay, please

God bless Ollie Gates

Rey Rey or Curry

Linebacker or O-lineman

Just don’t draft Stafford

When will this day end?

Heavy sweating, shaky hands

I’d kill for a drink

Everybody wants a QB.  I'm of the belief that its not the QB position that is holding this team back, rather its the O-line, D-line, and LB's.  Well, and the lack of a competent head coach. 

Still, we'll need to bring in one and probably two QB's next year either through the draft or free agency.  Much of the talk will be centered around Bradford (meh) and Stafford (gag).  I think the Chiefs need to look elswhere to address their QB needs, specifically, they need to look at Willie Tutiama.

Looking at the basics...

Bradford - 6'4" 218 lbs and a 2 year starter.  In 2008 he tossed 48 TD’s to 6 INT’s and had a completion percentage of 68.3%.

Stafford - 6'3" 237 lbs and a 3 year starter.  22 TD’s to 9 INT’s with a completion percentage of 61.1% in 2008.

Tuitama - 6'3" 220 lbs and a 4 year starter.  Finished 2008 with 23 TD’s to 8 INT’s with a completion percentage of 64.9%.

Equally important, is the fact that Willie has gone through a rebuilding process.  When Tuitama took over the reigns, Arizona was outright horrible.  Over his 4 years he helped the team mature into the Las Vegas Bowl winning powerhouse it currently is.

Most enticing, is the pick it would take to get him.  He's easily a 5th or 6th rounder.  Address our real needs on day one, get a proven QB on day two.

I'm all for giving Thiggy another year at this and would like to see that happen without the added pressure of having a high round pick waiting in the shadows.  Tuitama has spent 4 years under center in the demanding Pac-10, he wouldn't cost us a high draft pick, he has a similar build to this years top prospects, and he has proven that he can help rebuild shitty teams.  He's worth a long look come April.

I will be saying this ad nausea this off season but I do not want to draft a QB with out top 3 pick. I’m sure there is some talent worthy of a top 3 pick available. Still, I’d like to see our boys move that pick, save some cheddar, and pick up an additional day 1 pick. Everyone is so damn high on Bradford and Stafford, so lets take a look at the squads that may be looking to move up to take one of them.

Philly-

Slim to none. McNabb’s not getting any older, but I don’t see this team trading two first day picks to take a QB.

Washington- Less slim to none. Sure Jason Campell is still young but is anyone impressed with him. Slight possibility if only because Dan Snyder is constantly trying to out shitty move Al Davis.

J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS-

May be on to something here. Favre is old and senile. May be a perfect situation to draft a QB and have him spend a year, or two, or three. Hell, he’s not going anywhere, someone is going to need to play LT and put a Theisman like hit on him to get him off the field. Plus the last time a young QB was drafted to eventually replace Favre, the transition was seamless.

Seaturds-

Yeah they need a QB but they are going to be picking right below us. We may not get much in return from them to drop just a few spots.

49ers-

You believe in Shaun Hill? Me neither. I don’t know this team well so I don’t know what they really need but, dropping to where they should be picking, 9-15ish, would be nice.

Bears-

BINGO. Good defense, good o-line, finally a good running back. Grossman has been good but not great and this could be a good opportunity to upgrade. Plus they may be interested in taking Crabtree. Bears may be picking a little low but I’d still pull the trigger on this one.

Vikings-

SHAZAM. See Bears right up, change Tavaris/Frerotte for Grossman.

Cincinasty-

Is everyone giving up on Palmer? Is he the rich man’s Brodie? This team has more problems than QB, plus they’ll be picking right behind us so I don’t see it happening.

Panthers-

Another good possibility. I am still shocked that Delhomme (pronounced Day-la-hommie) is an NFL QB. Same sort of surprise I felt when Oakland actually signed Sweeney a few years ago. Plus this team is good so the QB wouldn’t need to come in and be a hero from the get go.

Buccaneers-

JACKPOT. This could be the best fit. Gruden loves him some QB’s. Jeff Garcia keeps pulling overachieving seasons out of his ass but how much longer can one expect that to happen? Strong possibility here, especially if Gruden falls for one of them.

I think the Buccs, Panthers, Vikings, and Bears are the most eligible trade partners. If I was the new GM I’d start sweet talking these teams as soon as the season ends. Thoughts?

Not shortly after having the ban hammer dropped on me, I received an email from Chris.  He was extending me an olive branch and laid out the terms of my suspension.  We're both reasonable dudes, I agreed to check some unsavory language at the door, and we hugged it out.

Mocking the slain aint cool.  I apologize for making tasteless jokes.  Further, I apologize for breaking all 3 of the rules of blog commenting:

1.  Be funny

2.  Don't be unfunny

3.  Don't be a dick

Damn, three birds with one stone.  This wasn't the first time I have had my blog commenting privileges suspended and unfortunately, it probably won't be the last.  So to those who think I'm an insufferable, unforgivable asshole, well you're not alone.  To the rest of you, I’m here to drop a few wise cracks and see to it that Herm gets run out of our fine city.

Adios!  Chio!  Auf Wiedersehen! 

Its been a great run, Herm.  So sad to see you go.  You'll be leaving awfully tough shoes to fill.  Not anyone can blow all 3 timeouts with a two score lead in the fourth quarter.  No, it takes an incredibly inept man to pull that off.  Its going to be tough to find someone to roam the sidelines who can dole out as many blank and empty stares.  And where on Earth will we find a coach so willing to pass blame and responsibility on to others.  Man, Herm, the buck never stopped with you.

Yeah, it’s going to be tough to replace you, but we'll get by.  Hell, maybe you'll come back to town every so often; we'll run into each other, it will be awkward.  You'll ask rhetorical questions, we'll stumble across some answers trying to appease you.  We'll try to give you our full attention, I promise, but we won't.  It will be hard to give you the attention you deserve what with all the, you know, the winning.

See ya!

I know this is an NFL site but…

Can someone help me find Mizzou's big win this year?  The Illini?  Cornhuskers?  This team is a joke.  Chase Daniels is a joke, the player takes every big game off.   How was he ever in the Heisman talks?  I suppose he did put up some big numbers against powerhouses like Buffalo and Nevada.

One thing for sure, I’ll take a big game player like Darrell Stuckey on the Chiefs any day.

So the Chiefs most prominent woman beater since Warren Moon returns to the field Sunday?  How do you expect him to be received?  Will he be booed?  Or will the sight of him finally back in Chief's red make fans forget about his drink spitting ways? 

I'll be out there and expect to see mixed reactions.  I think, and hope, the female fans let him have it.  However, I expect him to get nothing but love from the local NO MA’AM chapter.

Its been a while since I've had a Sunday where I didn't fall asleep wishing gonorrhea on Herm.  Too many Sunday’s have been ruined by that smug, reluctant to take blame for anything, asshole.    Too many weekend’s finding ways to deal with the frustration and avoiding kicking my dog or pulling an LJ on my woman.  Now..I digress.  If you’re pissed at the Chiefs I have a few ways to deal with frustration:

1- Exercise
Riding bikes kicks ass.  Chicks dig it and it feels good.  I like the three speed cruiser.

2 – Old school NES
I don’t care how pissed off you are, there is no degree of anger that can’t be soothed by Bubble Bobble. 

3 - Booze
You drank before the game.  You drank during the game.  Drink after the game.

4 - Ganja
I bet this will make you forget Herm's piss poor clock management...

5 Sluts

No need to explain.

Yet, this week we can rejoice.  Praise Jah.  Our team isn't winning games but they're playing well.  Praise Jah.  We can hold our heads high.  Praise Jah.  We are who we thought we were.  We're not in positions like San Fran, Denver, Indy, Cleveland, Dallas and so many other underperforming teams (cough Mizzou cough Kansas cough).  Be proud Chiefs fans, and if you're not proud, roll a phatty and give your dog and old lady a break.

For the first time yesterday, I got to use the Camerohead NARC line (816 679 7555).  The Chiefs set this line up to allow fans to anonymously snitch on other fans.  Now I usually agree with 'Melo in that snitches get stitches.  There is one glaring exception though, gap toothed hicks excessively standing in sitting sections of Camerohead.  So the NARC line was used and I was taken aback by how quickly fan services responded.

Now a word on basic Camerohead etiquette from a REAL Kansas City Chiefs fan.  Lets start in the parking lot.  The parking Nazi's are going to try and fill every space, that’s there job.  Lets help them out and fill every space, it makes things easier in the long run.  Secondly, if you wish to tailgate take the time and back your car into the space.  Say it with me, "The back of the vehicle faces out."  If you choose to skip this step and subsequently, the back of your car is facing the vehicle that pulled in behind you, you do not get to toss dirty looks and threatening glares at the more seasoned tailgaters who know how the system works.

Let move to inside the stadium.  Treat the ramps to the upper levels like you would a highway.  Fast traffic on the inside, slow on the outside.  There are REAL Kansas City Chiefs fans who, unlike Herm, know how to manage the clock and get to their seats seconds before kick off.  If you are tooting a litter of little critters or worse, someone on oxygen, get to the outside of the ramps.

Something known to all REAL Kansas City Chiefs fans that has failed to trickle down to more casual fans: there are sitting and standing sections of Camerohead.  Do you want to stand all game?  Get seats in the lower bowl.  I'm not saying that fans in the club and upper levels don't stand, its just not a standing section.  When is it acceptable to stand in these sections?  During and following exciting plays, big runs, big passes, big sack.  When is it not okay to stand?  All the freaking time.  If you find yourself standing in the club or upper levels, pause and take a look around you, chances are you're the only d-bag standing thereby ruining the site lines for the people around you.  Want to stand, go down stairs, want to sit, stay in the upper two levels.

We're all here to have a good time.  By taking a few simple steps we can maximize the experience for everyone.