Spitzenhofen

Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride

  • joined Sep 12, 2008
  • last login Mar 19, 2014
  • posts 129
  • comments 3204

Listen here you beautiful bitches, I'm about to fuck you up with some truth....

A Fan Of...

  • NCAAF Iowa Hawkeyes
  • NCAAB Iowa Hawkeyes
  • Golf That big fat drunk guy
  • General Waikato Chiefs
  • Fantasy Human Penis
User Blog

Pick 6: Week 3

Welcome to this week's Pick 6, where we analyze the lines for the weekend's Big Ten games and each pick 6 of our favorite bets.  It's highly scientific.  It's easy money.  It's just for fun. ...

2-PAK: Rest in Peace

Shortly after the game on Saturday, Paki O'Meara was seen leaving the parking lot at Kinnick stadium in a 1996 BMW 750 sedan with a large African-American man, whom police believe may be the...

Who's Ready?

Ok, so I put together this video like 6 months ago, but by that time it was already March, so I felt like I had missed the boat on celebrating a game that happened in January.  So how is it...

Iowa Legends: Warren Holloway gets a new home

I'm a big fan of thrift stores.  Somewhere around 85% of the t-shirts I own were bought secondhand.  In fact, at any given time I am usually only wearing about $7 worth of clothing.  I once...

The 2009 College Football Helmet Schedule is here!!!!

Things are going to start happening to me now....* Well shit, to be honest it's been out for over 3 months.  I just got around to looking for it at work today.  Some brilliant bastard named Simon...

Iowa Legends: A tribute to JR Koch, The Roost.

In case you haven't noticed, I've been on sabbatical for the last month or so.  But let's cut the shit, I don't even know what the word sabbatical means.  If I had to guess I would say it...

NY Jets have 2 holdout running backs

Sure, they've only missed voluntary workouts and there's still plenty of time for them to ink a deal, but they might want to keep an eye over their shoulder. In case they've forgotten: "Last month, the Jets drafted hard-charging rookie running back Shonn Greene as the heir apparent to Jones and feel he can step right in if Jones stages a bitter holdout."

Brodell Considers Management Change

Having recently received the bad news that he failed his physical for the Packers, Andy Brodell is considering leaving agent Jack Bechta for something a little more...........awesome.  Make...

Keeping my end of the bargain

So if you remember from awhile back I had a little problem with a deadbeat friend in our NCAA basketball tournament and I asked for help from a bunch of totally random, intensely smelly, mildly...

3rd Party Arbitration

Here's the situation.  I put together an NCAA tournament pool amongst a few of my friends.  There were 7 of us and we each 'drafted' 9 teams and got points based on their seeds and how far they...

Happier Thoughts, courtesy of HFMR

I thought I would step in real quick and make all your pain go away.  If only briefly. I'm not handing out oxycontin just yet, but I do come bearing gifts.  I have elegantly pieced together a...

Bracketolometry

  We decided to go with Yahoo.  Sign Up.  The password is "balls".  Don't make excuses, just get there.  We are using their default scoring system (1,2,4,8,16,32) because I'm too lazy to...

Pity Vote

In another inexplicable move destined to fail, Jamie Pollard has hired me, HFMR, as his Remarchifornication campaign manager.  Yeah it’s an awful idea but nobody else was going to take such a...

Tribute to a Friend and a Great American Hero

First of all, it's been a rough week.  Downright shitty, in fact. Ken O'Keefe and I have a long, storied history together and it's difficult for me to put into words exactly what he means to...

Ken O'Keefe Looking Forward to Getting His GPK On

So I just read about Ferentz's new contract and thought that a good friend of mine, fresh off a 16-hour Cartoon Network marathon, would be interested to hear the news. You would think that a member...

Jake Christensen chases away winter blues, starts training for 2010 X-Games

No word yet on where Jake is transferring, but I'm guessing it will be where the beer flows like wine and the beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.  I'm talking about...

Another Basketball Solution (this one is totally solid)

It's easy to point out the problems with our team: inexperienced, no real inside presence, inferior athleticism, inability to make ESPN's top ten list due to lack of this, this and especially this....

The Completely Obvious Solution To Our Current Basketball Woes

BHGP presents a fool-proof plan to bring Iowa basketball back from the depths.

The Inaugural BHGP Bowl Game Pick 'Em Champion is Crowned

The BHGP Bowl Game Pick 'Em Championship has a winner.  Congrats to the "The Human Fund" for taking down first place, getting 23 out of 34 picks correct.  If you're feeling ballsy, post your...

"DJK is loose in the Minnesota secondary!"

So I was at the Sports Column (Sunshine State version) for Iowa's bowl game extravaganza and I saw something that I thought I should share.  Sometime just after the game I stepped outside...

"Steve says we're a little bit like Alabama -- we're certainly not as good as Alabama,"

Listen, I know Ferentz is just feeding the media a bunch of happy horseshit and yeah, it's probably true.........but am I the only one who thinks this is a fucking terrible quote from a head coach? Would he have said the same thing if we were playing Alabama?

Spurrier vs Orlovsky: The Race for Last Place*

Steve Spurrier is getting ready to celebrate.  Not because he thinks his team is going to win the Outback Bowl.  They won't.  He probably knows that.  Actually, he's not even thinking about...

Return of the Odd Couple

I'm sick of you bastards talking badly about Ken O'Keefe.  He is my friend (and roommate) and when you say mean things about him it hurts my soul.  You need to understand that he's not the idiot...

FanPost

BHGP BOWL GAME PICK 'EM (unsanctioned)

I've set up a Bowl Game Pick 'Em League on Yahoo and I implore you all to join.  This way when we have future disagreements between commentors, it will be settled by saying, "Listen jackass I...

Charles Barkley deemed compelling, visionary...

I realize we've probably had our fill of Barkley jokes, but as a member of the Sports Column (Denver branch) mailing list, I just received this email: One Night Only! Charles Barkley – up...

FanPost

Cocks Aplenty!

So by now you have all become quite familiar with the Smelley Cock and it's daily aroma.  While I agree that the story of the Smelley Cock needs to be covered with the journalistic integrity that...

FanPost

Hawkeyes to Outback - Will face South Carolina

Announcement on Outbackbowl.com. The University of Iowa and the University of South Carolina accepted invitations today to meet in the Outback Bowl on New Year's Day in Tampa, Florida. The No....

FanPost

Giving Thanks

[Bumped. HFMR FTMFW.--OPS] Earlier in the season, I mentioned a bet that I had with my Cyclone-fan cousin.  Well, on Thanksgiving it was time to pay the fiddler.  He had to wear the shirt of my...

Big Ten Announces 2008 Football All-Conference Teams And Individual Honors

I know the BHGP team will be all over these awards shortly, but I just wanted to point out that Brent Greenwood got All-Conference Honorable Mention as selected by conference media. Congratulations universe.....you win.

FanPost

More Poop Jokes. (your welcome) [JESUS CHRIST THIS GETS NSFW]

Read this post if you want, but you'll probably wish you didn't.  Actually, there's not much to read.  If you've ever seen anything I've posted you'll know that I never have anything smart to...

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