SB Nation User Blog: Hinkster

The Reds

Hinkster — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 16:06:33 -0000

Living with 90 miles of the Great American Ballpark, I hear much of the Reds. The tired story of cheap ownership and inept front office mgt has typically been a replay every year for over a decade.

Now we have a new drama - this team 52-66? and last place. I bet Castellini is fuming - and he should be. When the Reds had zero starting pitchers for several years and a fortune invested in Eric Milton, you could almost feel sorry for them. But now they have some decent starters (Harang, Arroyo sort of, Volquez, Cueto) a nice collection of veterans some exciting youngsters like Bruce and Votto.

Though a Cardinal fan, I picked the Reds as my surprise team this year but boy have they underwhelmed. It's sort of ironic that for years the Reds have fired capable managers who lacked the assets to win but now they have assets but a manager who will not be fired. (yet)

I loved Dusty as a player but never as a manager. Walt should fire him yesterday.

A Diamond in the Rough

Hinkster — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:54:33 -0000

A Diamond in the Rough

The old ballpark closed for good today. I suppose 48 years is long enough but I sure hate to see it go. We had some really good times at that ol’ ball yard. My, time does fly because it seems only yesterday that my friends (imaginary and real) and I graced this magical field – which was actually the front yard of my childhood home.

A worn circle of hard packed dirt near the front porch served as home plate, a board nailed into the ground was the pitching rubber. First and third base were tall maple trees that graced the infield with glorious shade. Whatever tossed in that general direction became the second base bag. It was usually my sister’s red softball glove which no self-respecting future major leaguer would use. Beyond the yard (infield), the road in front of our home was the warning track and tall weeds beyond the road were home run territory. We spent a lot of time looking for lost balls in that tall grass.

We lived too far in the country to field a full team. Jeff Webb, Dennis Craig, Terry Henderson and I were a typical line-up but what we lacked in numbers we made up for in creativity. A pitcher, a batter, a second baseman and a right-fielder were all we needed. No first baseman necessary as a solid peg that nailed the maple tree prior to the runner’s arrival was a definite out. Of course, we batted left-handed and used ghost runners. We played baseball but it was just as often a tape ball, a rubber ball, a wiffle ball, a tennis ball or anything else we could afford or find. If it was round – we hit it. Our field was never short on competition, intensity and laughter. Every unique batting style had to be imitated. Our favorites were the same as yours – Willie Stargell and Joe Morgan.

Anything hit to the left side was an automatic out. This rule was practical on two fronts – there were no players on the left side and Dad’s truck was often parked in that direction. Our bullpen literally featured a live bull as foul territory was indeed the cow pasture that bordered our yard. If a flyball happened to land on our mailbox on the far side of the road (where my prized Sporting News arrived once a week) – it was an automatic grand slam no matter how many were on base. The Juice Box in Houston did not invent quirkiness.

Often it was just me and my Saturday routine. The morning was reserved for cutting the grass. Every blade had to be perfect, every base line straight and cross cuts whenever time permitted. After lunch, in the hot part of the day, I retired to the living room with a frosty cold 16 ounce Pepsi in the bottle, fresh from Mom’s Saturday visit to Whipple’s Food Market in town. There, with scorecard in hand, I flipped the three channels on the old black and white until I found the NBC Game of the Week with Curt Gowdy and Tony Kubek. The game was not to be missed. It was, after all, it really was the (only) game of the week.

Following the game, I was back in the front yard to play my own home version of MLB. Ever play baseball by yourself? I did. In my version of solitary front yard baseball, every out was played in a full nine inning game. Fungo style, I would pitch my scuffed baseball in the air, take a cut with my Rawlings monogrammed bat and promptly place the ball exactly where I intended – a grounder to short, a single to right or a scorched double down the left field line. Playing alone, the full field was in play. The only problem was retrieving every ball I hit. Did I say problem? I meant to say opportunity.

Ever talk to yourself? I did. The walk or occasional jog to retrieve the ball was never a bother because that’s when I imitated Jack Buck play-by-play or Mike Shannon color commentary. Yes, my siblings and parents thought I was crazy. Sometimes I whispered under my breath to go unnoticed but usually I didn’t care because what I was doing was important – and fun. I not only didn’t need others, I generally didn’t want them. Yeah, I was a little strange.

I imagined all the best on my field. Bonds (the Dad), Mays, McCovey and Marichal led the Giants into town (actually country). Tom Seaver and the Miracle Mets played at my field as did Hammerin’ Hank, the Big Red Machine and The Lumber Company. Jim Lonborg pitched there before he was a U.S. Senator. Cito Gaston, Ralph Garr, The Toy Cannon, Maury Wills, Don Drysdale and a thousand others made appearances.

Occasionally I hosted the all-star game just to bring in Killebrew, Carew, Reggie, Yaz, and Frank Howard from the inferior league. When the leaves fell and World Series time rolled around, it was time for the Baltimore Orioles to visit – Frank, Brooks, Davey, Earl, Boog, Elrod, Belanger, Buford, Blair and the 20 game winners, Cuellar, Palmer, Dobson and McNally.

As a side note, few youngsters today would believe that I never missed a World Series game on television in that era. It was not because I stayed up late, it was because all Series games were played in the afternoon and our school principal always rolled a giant black and white set into our classroom so all could watch. Thank you, Mr. Evans. I wonder what the girls in the class were thinking.

My team of choice was always the Cardinals as our Kentucky farm was in the heart of the St. Louis Cardinal Radio Network. The 1970’s did not bring us championships but they did deliver excitement. Teddy Sizemore taking a strike while Lou swiped another base, Gibby hitting home runs and pitching shutouts, Reitz scooping hot shots at third, The Calloway Kid going first to third and Reggie Smith with bat held high. Ted Simmons and Joe Torre usually hit line drives into the gap. Red was always cool as a cucumber on the bench.

My favorite opponent was the Cubs – Hundley, Banks, Beckert, Kessinger, Santo and Williams – Jenkins, Pappas, Holtzman and Hands on the mound. The Cubs oddly struck out a lot in my games and the Cardinals always won – usually in dramatic fashion. My Small Bear hatred goes way back.

We broke a few windows, we lost a lot of balls, had a few arguments and occasionally even hit a passing car, truck or tractor but I have only good memories of the ol’ ball yard. I’d pay a lot of money to be ten years old again and play till dark.

Truth be told, the ball park closed a long time ago. It was about the time I discovered girls and cars. College was to follow and the ballpark was empty – but never forgotten. Mom and Dad turn 79 this year and it was finally time for them to move. They seem happy in their new town home and I’m happy for them. While my memories are grand, I bet theirs are better. As we packed up a few remaining items at the old home place, I took a good long look at my old ball park. I thought about cutting the grass one last time. But I didn’t.

Yeah, they closed the old ball park today but maybe a new kid will move in and renovate. But even if he doesn’t, my son and I are opening a new park at our home about 4 hours away – should be a lot of fun.

TLR and Ankiel - an update

Hinkster — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 14:15:52 -0000

Tony certainly catches more than his fair share of critque and flak on this site - including much from me. I suppose he's fair game and I suspect much of the criticism is well deserved. I, for one, have even advocated that it's past time for Tony to be properly thanked and replaced.

But.......but, but, but..........it's also fair to praise where praise is due.

I take you back a few short years ago to the era I refer to as Ankiel Purgatory - the gulf between pitching flameout and Rick's epic homer last summer.

The NLCS nightmare was well documented and long over. Rick's repeated efforts to regain his groove all fell short. We all watched the nightmare unfold with sadness and what could have beens. We saw Rick disappear into injury, oblivion, family issues and finally a position change that quite frankly appeared to be a sad last ditch effort to salvage something - anything - of this once promising career. Short of Babe Ruth, none of us had ever seen such a transition so we held little hope. In some ways, it seemed like a sympathy move that was awarded only on the basis on "well, he's been through so much".

Let me also remind that most in Cardinal Nation were quite vocal during Ankiel Pugatory of their Rick Fatigue. Despite our love for Rick, the most common mantra was, "Let it go and move on" was the most common mantra.

One person never gave up on Rick. Perhaps TLR felt some guilt for the way he handled Rick during that fateful NLCS or the aborted recovery attempts in the months to follow. Maybe Rick is the son TLR never had.

One thing is for sure. Tony never gave up and he made sure the Cardinals did not either. It's really a miracle that Rick was not released during the purgatory period. This was a clear case of Tony's classic stubbornness working in everyone's favor.

So whether Rick becomes an all-star, a reserve outfielder or a hockey player - thanks Tony for not giving up on Rick, seeing what most did not see and perserving despite criticism.

Gibby

Hinkster — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 13:46:14 -0000

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/blackhistory2008/columns/story?page=keri/080221

someone might want to help me with that hyper-link thing

excellent article on Bob Gibson and 1968

the Dal Maxvill story alone is worth the read

Bob was one of my childhood favorites. He just seemed plain old great at the time. Looking back, his numbers are hard to believe. The pitchers were so great that year, MLB stepped in and altered the mound - and baseball. the hitters of that time seemed larger than life......Aaron, Mays, McCovey, Clemente...........yet, they were frequently bested by Gibson, Marichal, Drysdale and others

Interview with Mo

Hinkster — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 01:13:53 -0000

[Update by azruavatar: 1:10am] I'm not going to even attempt to compete with the hilarity of this "interview". Huge props to Hinkster and this deserves front page status. I'll wrap up my review of the NL Central next week with the Cubs. Have a good friday and stay safe in the nasty weather around the STL area. [/end update]

Last week, new Cardinal GM, John Mozeliak, graciously agreed to sit down with the Hinkster to answer a few questions for VEB. Here, unedited, is the first ever public interview with the man known simply as Mo.

Thanks for the interview. Why now? Why me?

"Mr. DeWitt and Mr. LaRussa insisted that I not speak publicly for the first year or two but I figured this was okay since I heard them say VEB was irrelevant. I chose you, Hinkster, because you seem to understand my inner child plus my mom likes you."

Your name......should we call you John or Mo?

"I actually prefer, "Mr. Big Balls" since I traded both Edmonds and Rolen thank you very much. But Mo will be fine."

Okay, Mo. Any reverberations from those trades?

"The real change was in what stopped coming my way. The nasty-grams from Rolen stopped as well as the non-stop ridicule from Cashman and Epstein. I believe I finally got a little overdue respect because I got a lot of voicemails from GMs wondering if I needed to get rid of anyone else."

What was the most difficult part of taking over for your former boss, Walt Jocketty?

The toughest part was just getting to the desk. The office was jammed with stacks and stacks of back-loaded contracts. Getting rid of those has been a nightmare but I can now see across the room.

Speaking of Walt, how's our old friend doing?

"I think he's really enjoying keeping a watchful eye on Wayne and Dusty. We talk a lot. He's got a bunch of really good relievers and he needs an everyday first baseman so I think there's a logical basis for a trade with us. I trust him. We'll see."

Are you happy with your first off-season?

"Wasdin, Brazelton, Itzuris, Miles, Clement, Politte, Freese, Flores, Piniero, LaRue, Villone, Barton, Jimenez and Juan Gonzalez............I think those names speak for themselves."

Best thing to happen to you so far as Cardinal GM?

"Easy......... the Miguel Cairo signing in Seattle....that eased a lot of daily pressure."

Who are your heroes?

Other than lboros, I'd say houstoncardinal, the red baron, Hardcore Legend, gdm426, the ol Goaler, liam, Zubin and erik. Since I don't have any real friends, I like to think of these guys as my imaginary buddies. I get most of my vast medical knowledge from a guy known as SilentBob. I really like the name azruavator but I still can't pronounce it. I'm kind of curious about jillsinmo and cardsgirl95 but don't tell my wife. You will edit this won't you?"

What do you think of Idaho?

"Never been there"

Do people really not recognize you in public?

They didn't at first but they are beginning to. I love the creative nicknames I'm starting to hear. My favorites so far are "The Ass who traded Jed" and "DD" (DeWallet's DeButler).

How do you see yourself as a GM?

I'd like to think of myself as a trend-setter. For example, I see a time where we once again use starting pitchers in our rotation. I see a time when the pitcher might bat seventh. I see a day where we once again have a lead-off hitter. I guess I'm kind of like a white Martin Luther King. I have a dream.

What DO you dream about?

Getting to wear a uniform at least once....sitting in the dugout and flashing a bunch of cryptic signals to Jose Oquendo with an indifferent look on my face....clapping, spitting, making secret notations in my dugout charts.....maybe someday even making a double switch or getting to alter the big line-up card on the wall at the end of the dugout.....Mr. LaRussa said he'd work on it if I kept doing a good job.

What do you do in your down-time?

I'm trying to learn Spanish so I can figure out what Oquendo, Pujols and Molina are saying about me when I walk through the clubhouse and why they laugh so loudly afterwards. I'm also a big history buff. I think we can learn a lot about the future by studying the past. For example, did you know that every era of Cardinal greatness has been followed by an immediate period of completely forgettable baseball.........wait a minute, I don't know where I'm going with this.....just forget this question.....okay?

What worries you?

I worry about Jeff Luhnow, guys like Tim Purpura, being put in charge of Lake DeWitt and running into Dave Duncan in a dark alley. I don't mess with his pitchers. I don't go near the mound, the bullpen or his secret charts. I don't even look in his direction. He scares me.

What excites you?

Mr. DeWitt's private plane is really cool. I got to sit up front one time and pretend to fly the plane. (kinda like my job) All the free soda you can drink plus popcorn, spicy chex mix, and those real linen napkins.......I did not like carrying everyone's bags to and from the plane but I understand it's some kind of baseball tradition thing for rookie GMs.

What's the most stressful part of your job?

"I'd say it's keeping up with the key to that lockbox where we keep all those photos that Aaron Miles keeps sending along with threatening notes. I've been told never to talk about it and never let that key leave my sight."

Lots of changes this spring training. Which one excites you the most?

"Anthony Reyes with a curved bill hat. You know, everyone was waiting for me to trade AR but I like to surprise people. It would be great to see his tattoos, jewelry, high socks, and SoCal attitude all disappear - as well as some of those fifth inning line drives off the wall. Maybe we could even see him miss a bat or two this year."

What are you most looking forward to about spring training?

"Other than the plane ride, I guess it's the little things. Like Mark Worrell. Who knew he was still pitching? He has always been one of my favorites. I still say his foot was on the bag first. I'm looking forward to meeting him."

Any big trades in the works?

"Yeah, there's lots of cool stuff going on but it's all top secret. Heck, I don't even know until right before the press conference. But they do give me enough heads up to wear my nice suit and get my hair done. Sometimes I even get to talk at the press conference."

Thanks so much for your time, Mo. Anything else you'd like to say to the folks at VEB?

"Yeah, thanks for your support and for those posts where you explain those complicated sabrematrics terms. The charts, graphs and videos are very helpful too. If you can continue to make them easy to cut and paste onto my Power Point slides, that would be great. Oh, and one other thing..........if you could look up my photo on the team website, memorize what I look like and then acknowledge me in public - that would be great and a huge encouragement. I've been working on my fancy autograph in case anyone ever asks. Send your questions and comments to my pal, Hinkster, I'll be watching and I'll be back."

weekend discussion --- recycled "Ode to the Cardinals"

Hinkster — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 14:52:50 -0000

[Promoted from the diaries section --- L.B.]
(P.S.: today's Tournament of Champions results (including a Game 7) are right below this post.)

For your wintertime pleasure, I submit the following ramble from Oct 2006 that was awarded with publication in the Wall Street Journal (Daily Fix) the week before the Cards squared off against the Tigers in 2006 World Series. A tip ot the hat to die-hard Met fans at The Daily Fix who graciously published this the morning after the 2006 NLCS clincher.

Ode to the Cardinals
By DAVE HINKLE
Special to THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
October 20, 2006 12:31 p.m.

The Daily Fix asked readers who are fans of the Tigers and Cardinals to write an ode to their club, explaining why they're a fan and what characteristics their team seems to have year-in and year-out, even as the cast of characters changes. Here's Dave Hinkle on the St. Louis Cardinals.

St. Louis Cardinal baseball is a multi-generational mosaic of love, passion and loyalty. Cardinal baseball is decades of sandlot kids from Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Indiana, Iowa, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Arkansas who are now adults in all parts of the world -- and still wearing red. We are Cardinal Nation -- the Sea of Red.

Cardinal baseball is heroes blazing through the record books: Hornsby, Frisch, and Mize, Pepper, Marty, Kenny and Stan the Man. Oh, the splendid memories of Flood, Maxvill, Forsch, Sutter, McGee, Tudor, Worrell, Clark, Rolen, Edmonds, Lankford, Kile and Tommy Herr. Cardinals have captured more titles than any other team except that team up north that we knocked off in the '64 series.

But Redbird Passion is about more than winning. It's the Gashouse Gang, Birds on a Bat and good ol' Gussie sipping a cold, frosty Budweiser. We're Ernie Hays at the organ, the Wagon Gate and Fred Bird. We're the Clydesdales, the Arch and three Busch Stadiums. We already had Jack Buck, Mike Shannon and 'ol Abner so we gave the world our spares -- Harry Carey, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. We're the hometown of Garagiola, Costas and Berra. Need more proof we're the Kings? We make all the beer. Now, THAT'S a winner!

The Cards are tough, in-your-face competitors like Cox, Stottlemyre and Matheny. We are Gibby pitching on a broken leg and Albert smashing sliders into orbit. Oh, and for toughness, don't forget we got a Frazier, a Spinks and a shortstop named Mike Tyson.

The Cardinals are speedy and daring -- suicide squeeze, first to third and stealing home. There goes Enos, Lou, Vince, and Bake McBride -- the Calloway Kid. We are loveable super-subs like Lawless, Iorg, Brummer, Tito, Rex and the Secret Weapon.

We are the Mad Hungarian, Silent George, Skates, Mudcat, Simba, Cha Cha and the Zamboni. We got a Rat, a Cat and Harry the Hat. We got a Ducky, a Woody, a Yadi, an Obie, a Stubby, a Nellie and a Belli. We got So, Bo and Little Joe. We got Matty, Moe and Matty Mo. We got Soup, Pags, Hub, Tewks and Uke. We got Ozzie, Izzy, Dizzy and Daffy. We even have the coolest sports name ever -- Julian Javier. (Silent J's please.) We got Coopers, Simmons, Benes, Cedenos, Duncs, Ecks, half the Guerreros, a lot of Perez, a bunch of Penas and most every Cruz that ever wore a glove. We have our very own Reggies -- Smith and Sanders. And they are all happily ours -- Cardinals forever.

We've got a Henke, a Heinkel and me -- just an ordinary Hinkle who started a lifetime love affair when Dad and Grandpa took me to Busch and taught me to keep a scorecard just the way I do now with my son. We watched Torre as a Cardinal -- before he was cool. We launched the 27-team career of Todd Zeile.

We survived Don Denkinger. We're the nicest, most-knowledgeable bunch of baseball fans you'll ever meet. Heck, we even let Lefty, Rollie, Keith, Andy and TP go elsewhere so others could have heroes too.

St. Louis Cardinal baseball is the best. But don't trust my opinion -- ask baseball legends who got some serious Cardinal love at the end of their careers. Roger, Quiz, Lee Arthur, Larry Walker, Sutcliffe the Cub, Eric the Red, Will the Thrill and Big Mac.

This year? Maybe this is not our best team ever -- but who knows? From Red to Whitey to Tony, we always win in even-number decades. (You can look it up.) Who cares if we only won 83 games this year and nearly completed an epic collapse? We hadn't won back-to-back road games in a month then promptly won two in a row in San Diego. Go figure. We're sorry that Met injuries left them with a starting rotation of Darren Oliver, Oliver Perez and Oliver Wendell Douglas but, hey, that's the way it goes sometimes -- just ask Coleman, Clark, Pendleton and Carpenter who all sat injured while the Birds battled on.

So bring on the Tigers! We can't wait to see our ol' buddies Jimmy Leyland and Placido Polanco (the second-best name in all of sports). But, we'd like a little revenge for '68 -- thank you please. And we'd love to be able to follow Jack's advice to "go crazy folks! Go crazy!"

We've got Scotty and Jimmy. We've got the Speez, the son of a Cardinal champion, who sports that lucky red chin thingy. We've got Albert, Carp and hopefully no killer tarp. We've got red-hot rookies and the (step)son of Mookie. Joaquin Andujar, one tough Dominican and a Cardinal forever, would assess the possibilities with one word, his personal favorite: "Youneverknow."

Viva El Birdos!

Dave Hinkle grew up with a transistor radio under his pillow and Kentucky parents who taught him about the Redbirds, beginning with the 1968 Series against the Tigers. The transistor is now a momento on the bookcase, but the Hinkles will be gathered around the television again this year. Write to Dave at dhinkle@insightbb.com.

Mo's Diary

Hinkster — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 16:26:43 -0000

From the mind of Mo..............

"Miles, Politte, Wasdin, Brazelton, LaRue, Itzuris, Clement......interviewing Jim Lindeman tomorrow....I am really putting my stamp on this ballclub. Mom called to thank me for signing someone she had heard of - Roberto Clemente. I just told her he was making a comeback and left it at that."

"I showed some humongous balls by trading Edmonds. Now maybe people will start recognizing me in public."

"Luhnow has locked me out of my laptop again. Just as well, I never read his stupid charts and graphs anyway. Plus, those Miguel Cairo emails are a little threatening. I think he was following me at Walgreens the other day."

"If I can last a year or two in this job, my baseball card collection should be awesome plus I've started a great collection of those neat little hotel soaps and shampoos."

"Can't believe I let the Royals beat me to Hideo Nomo............I just love watching that wind-up."

"Saw Scotty at Paletta's office. He told me to f***-off. At least we're talking now."

"There's really no value in re-signing Aaron Miles. I just like to see the comment section light up on VEB. Plus, Aaron is such a cute little fellow and he tries so hard! Kinda reminds me of myself."

"If anyone finds out that lboros is smarter than me - and free - I'm in big trouble."

"So I signed a couple people by mistake............Flores - Randy, Ron, whatever.......who knew there were two of them?........Kelvin, D'Angelo......Barton, Barden.....who can keep up with all this paperwork?"

"Finalists for my new cool VEB secret screen name - JohnMozeliak, itradedjimmy, imagmreallyiamnotkidding."

"I don't mind doing TLRs laundry but I hate grooming his cats during the off-season. His suggestion that I get written permission before visiting the clubhouse is way over the top but I'll probably do it if he lets me meet Bobby Knight. (I can't wait to ask him about that chair throwing incident)"

"Hired Dr. Phil to meet with TLR, Dunc Sr and AR. Pretty neat.....maybe we can all be on TV together."

"Brian Cashman and Theo Epstein think they are so cool. If Clement can win 20 may they will quit making fun of me at the GM meetings. Maybe I should sign Pavano too."

"Mr. Dewitt said if I keep doing a good job, he'll let me talk in management meetings."

"Corky Rasmut probably will be a good cf but I think he needs to learn how to VORP a little better."

"Got a real problem brewing for spring training as Dunc Sr and Jr have devised a plan where they would beat the snot out of Weniberg and Paletta everytime someone goes on the DL> Weinberg now carrying mace in his little "trainer man bag"

"Saw Stan and Red at lunch the other day. I didn't mind not getting to sit with them but it was downright mean for Stan to call me an idiot. (Maybe I shouldn't have asked to play his harmonica) Red said I was just keeping the chair warm. What does that mean?"

"Why does Luhnow keep suggesting at staff meetings that I spend a couple of months touring the Venezuelan leagues?"

"Reds seem like such a dysfunctional organization. Kinda feel sorry for them."

Mo's Diary III

Hinkster — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:50:18 -0000

6am - woke up from a nightmare that I had only signed Larue, Brazelton, Wasdin and Itzuris

6:01 - got out of bed, very nervous for some reason

6:30 - get to office early, gotta show some leadership and get on top of this TLR, Rolen thing

6:35 - Mom calls, says she's never heard of any of these guys I've signed.....wants to know if I saw Dolly Parton at the Opryland Hotel....I tell her no but that Cashman and Epstein were making fun of me in Nashville by seeing who could make me the most ridiculous offer....then they nicknamed me and Luhnow "rock and a hard place"

7am - Read the papers and see Strauss quote on how I attempted to broker a deal between TLR and Rolen - sounds good but the truth is I drove all the way to Scott's home in Jasper IN only to be shot at - fly out to SF, TLR shows me a letter where Scotty threatens to buy all the shelter animals and use them as target practice on farm in Jasper

7:15am - call WJ for advice but can't understand him because he's laughing so hard

7:30am - FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS...I have an MBA, I'm a GM, I was interviewed on ESPN, I have a private bathroom and sometimes I get to ride for free on Bill's private plane......surely I can brainstorm my way out of this mess

set up a Jupiter spring training pay-per-view cage match fight to the death between TLR and Rolen....buy pitching with the profits

bring back Mitchell Page...if I can get them drinking.....

draw a big circle around third base area where TLR is not allowed to enter....have Time Out chair in far end of dugout for Rolen

Trade them both to the Nats...hee hee

Change their uniform numbers to confuse and distract everyone

Get Duncans to beat the hell out of both of them

Broker a deal where silence is required but every time Rolen pops up, TLR gets one free na-nana-boo-boo

Let Paletta operate on both of them

Ban double switches and LOOGYs until TLR apologizes

Maybe the folks at VEB will have some ideas

Mo - Dear Diary II

Hinkster — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 13:29:59 -0000

Another day in the life of new Card GM John Mozeliak

Arrived in the office this morning to find Miguel Cairo furiously doing one-armed push-ups on my desk........gotta get better security around here

Check voicemail

Luhnow complaining that Dunc won't let him see his secret dugout tracking journals and that Dunc threatened to kick his ass if any Luhnowtics ever touched his charts......to tell the truth, I'm kinda scared of Dunc myself

Dave Littlefield called looking for a job....I don't think so

Rolen's agent called....said he sent a dozen Omaha Steaks to TLR as a peace offering

Bud Selig called......he wants to be honored at 2009 all-star game

Ozzie called to say he is being disrespected by the new administration.....whatever

Garrett Stephenson called.....he wants to mentor AR.....who is Garrett Stephenson?

MLB players union reminding us we now must provide I-Pods, lap-tops, Treos, BOSE headsets, 24/7 Starbucks and fuzzy slippers for all players

ebay called, they want to know if I want to bid on domain name www.firejohnmozeliak.com

Bernie calls to verify rumor that we might trade so and so....."Hey, Bernie, the ship's on fire - anything's possible! Can we trade you for a writer TBNL?".....oh how I'd love to say that

Log on to VEB for new ideas........what is "pitch to contact"?.......how you pronounce azruavator?.....what does VORP mean?......what if lboros is really Luhnow?

Call Albert to see if he needs anything delivered to his home today

Check the medical report....no change....man, these injured pitchers have it made....don't lift a finger for a year and still get paid (alot more than me)....gotta get me some of that action

Doctor calls to see if I am still having those nightmares about Purpura and DePodesta

Check ESPN FA tracker for shortstops.....looks like its Eckstein or..........maybe Barry Larkin.....think briefly about Miguel Cairo

Take call from the Marlins....they are ready to move Cabrera for Rolen....plus Duncan, Reyes, Rasmus, Anderson, Garcia, some cash and a new stadium

Check email

Rolen insisting he not have to speak to TLR

Reyes insisting he not have to speak to Dunc

Dunc insisting he not have to speak to anyone

TLR insisting I give him hourly updates

short message from DeWitt...."Honeymoon's Over"

Reach for Maalox, Tums and some nicorette

Read 5 page report from Luhnow telling me that Miles is batting .373 against left-handers over six feet tall when playing under a full moon on Tuesdays in June

Crisis of the day....evidently Ernie Hays has locked himself in his stadium organ room threatening to play The Budweiser song non-stop until we promise not to play rock music between innings.....

Check the budget again.....no change.......feel like I'm shopping at Costco with a ten dollar bill for living room furniture and a new car.....is it too early for a drink?

Open Hickory Farms Holiday gift pack from agent of Wells and Maroth

Decide to take a walk for fresh air......see banner hanging from Arch that reads, "Please hire me! Miguel Cairo"..............I need personal security

Duck into a bar for lunch......no one recognizes me.....getting lonely, I tell the bartender that I'm John Mozeliak....he doesn't believe me and asks me to pay for the beer upfront

See Whitey and Trader Jack McKeon drinking at the end of the bar.....they tell me they feel sorry for me but not to worry because I'm competing against morons like Dusty Baker and Wayne Krivsky

Back to the office......feeling a bit more confident and thinking about trading with the Reds

Look in the mirror in my private bathroom and think, "By golly, Mom's right. I am not a puppet and I can do this job! I will show them!" Just a quick prayer before I hit the phones again......."Dear God, I am so thankful that Chris Antonetti bought my line about this job being impossible. Now please make it possible."

Mo - Dear Diary

Hinkster — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 02:22:41 -0000

5am - wonderful dream that I am the GM of Cardinals

6am - wake to realize its true but I got big problems...not the least of which is catching my plane to GM meetings in Orlando....pack my cool new suits and expensive ties....Bill's got the private plane, so head to Lambert for commercial flight

7am - being a wise GM, I astutely address the elephant in the room by calling cell phone of Rolen and of his agent.....get voicemail

9am - take obligatory calls from Bernie, Strauss and some other guy........tell them blah, blah, middle of the road bs........do not return calls from Gammons, Olney and SI.......delete 47 other voicemails and 99 emails I do not recognize.......check the 07 stats, they haven't changed from yesterday.......check injury report on Mulder and Carp, no change..........ignore text messages from agents of Wells and Maroth

10am - walk the concourse of Lambert....no one recognizes me....guy next to me reading sports page complains loudly about cheap Cardinal budget

1pm - wander around Hyatt Grand Cypress amazed at the beauty until I realize I have work to do...hear that Silva will get 3 yrs $40M, go to nearest men's room and throw up

2pm - fashionably late lunch with GMs who congratulate me with odd smiles on their faces and three guys who I should recognize but don't

3pm - take in beauty of Grand Cypress again and wonder, "What would Walt do?".....John Mabry's agent bumps into me.....then Miguel Cairo's........Scott and agent have not returned call

4pm - Jed calls to say he feels awesome and not to worry......I do anyway.......catch lobby conversation with Scott Boras, pretty cool......I think.......why did he mention Weaver?

5pm - meet with staff to hear what I already know....recall how wonderful it was to be a second lieutenant with no pressure

6pm - lavish dinner with a table of powerful GMs....incredible food, expensive wine.....at just the right time, I coyly gauge their interest in Rolen.......probably talked too much, thanks to the wine.....we discuss politely then they leave to tell everything I said to reporters....I see one GM laughing

9pm - at the bar, take call from DeWitt....tell him big things are in the works......see Paul DePodesta drinking alone at one end of the bar, Tim Purpura, alone at the other end.

11pm - get in my jammys and return Mom's call.... she's so proud ("no, Mom, I'm not going to Disney World")......call my wife, tell her to buy the new house and ignore the reporters...go to sleep happy that I am the Cards GM

Midnight - wakeup nervous in my luxury room......hit the mini-bar, try to surf VEB for ideas but Luhnow has once again done something funky with my laptop........wonder aloud if lboros and team are for hire......50 more emails, 20 more voicemails..........most wondering if I'll package Rasmus, Garcia and Anderson for an expensive vet.... can't sleep, have a tee time tomorrow on one of the most difficult courses in Fla but I don't play golf (why does that seem ironic?).....Scotty and agent still haven't called back