SB Nation User Blog: Hinkster

Dear Mo..............Dear John

Hinkster — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 22:12:21 -0000

Dear Mo………Dear John

Mo, I hope you enjoyed my humorous take on the early days of your administration. I envisioned an ongoing comedic analysis of your work but alas, the inspiration died.

My original editions (a great place for a hyperlink if I knew where it was or how to do such things), imho, were quite funny, but subsequent efforts faded in their hilarity.

Was I a one hit comedy wonder? Perhaps. But I realized why I could no longer slam you, Mo. I began to like you. In my mind, you have transformed from the man who happened to be standing nearest Uncle Walt when the sword fell to someone who might actually be an improvement. It’s harder to deliver the sharp wit when I start to care for someone. Like the guy falling on the ice – the laughs are much louder for a stranger or enemy.

I’ve gotten to know you a bit and I like what I see – even those folksy web interviews you do that reveal nothing of substance. You’ve earn respect via a good performance turned in along with grace, style, humility and humor. You did not re-sign Cairo. You got rid of Kelvin. You ended the silly Rolen fued and delivered Santy Glaus to boot. You swallowed hard and then wisely and gracefully said good-bye to Jed. You’ve made no major mistakes except Jo-el who was probably pushed onto you. But more than approval, you’ve earned my empathy. Empathy is good – just not as funny.

Empathy indeed. You have a glut of maybe pitchers and average outfielders. You have no lead-off hitter or decent middle infielders. You are lacking in starting pitchers and you have carp size injury questions. Your closer role is as uncertain as Perez control or Motte’s second pitch. You have no LOOGY and we all know that Tony can’t think properly without at least two. Half of your roster will over-achieve next year, while some will tank. But – they don’t have the common courtesy to let you know who is who.

You have limited funds at your disposal, you have stiff competition in the NL Central, MLB competitors with gargantuan budgets and you have limited experience as the head guy. Heck, you can’t even consult Walt anymore for fear of being fleeced. You are partially in charge of one of the most storied sports franchises ever.

Few in your sport can keep a secret – some even leak rumors as a negotiation ploy. Your every move is scrutinized publicly. Btw, why did you change brands of socks? To make matters worse, you have the most intelligent fan base in MLB, a million geniuses watching your every move via the Post-Dispatch, ESPN, VEB and a thousand other inferior blogs. And you must admit, in the midst of the occasional verbose dim-wits, there are definitely geniuses lurking on VEB. Feel free to use our best ideas and take credit.

Don’t worry a second about all those recently out of work GMs that litter the sports landscape or that if need be, St. Louis could raise the money before lunchtime to buy out your contract.

Like the rest of us, you probably have an unrealistic boss who occasionally yells. Maybe even his son yells at you. You probably have sharply differing opinions within your own staff and probably a few incompetent subordinates not to mention those who want your job. You have to deal with agents, players and other GMs who are undoubtedly difficult to deal with if not downright clever, mean, unrealistic or insane. Some agents and GMs are probably asking for the moon, some are trying to play you and some probably don’t return your calls. About the time you near a deal, something changes.

How does it feel to humbly negotiate with an arrogant high school drop-out who makes more in a year than you do in a lifetime? No one cares if you work really hard and really truly care. Just win.

I’m guessing Tony calls from time to time to remind you to take care of Miles and that he needs “protection” for Albert. You’re probably still scared of Duncan and for good reason. Gaining the consensus of your management team is probably a nightmare. You have to interpret those mysterious medical reports from Paletta and then there’s that minor issue of Albert’s contract extension hanging over your head. You’ve got to maneuver with HR, legal, MLB and the Player’s Union in mind. You probably have your fair share of knuckleheads to deal with. As with our companies, you probably have terribly embarrassing in-house issues that the public doesn’t even know about.

You have to daily deal with the press - the caring intelligent professionals and the lazy hacks who lack integrity. My guess is that you too have wife, kids and a family to manage. Heck, like me, you probably have household chores, kid’s math homework that’s over your head, an annoying dog and a bizarre neighbor. You probably field a couple thousand voice and e-mails per day. Since you are human, we can assume that you have good days and bad and that you probably make mistakes from time to time.

Do you sometimes feel you are playing poker against sharks, with not enough chips, a bad hand, your Cards showing and the entire world looking over your shoulder while your career has been anteed?

Please remember, Mo – this is empathy, not sympathy. There is no sympathy for you are handsomely paid to do a job we are all convinced we could do better – plus you get to travel in the cool private plane and watch every game from a luxury sky box. But there is empathy, Mo. So much so, I just no longer have it in me to make fun of you.

I wish you the best. I really do. With limited funds, you’ve somehow got to magically turn Duncan, Mather, Shumaker, Ludwick, Ankiel, Haerther, Stavinoha, Jay, Jones, Kennedy, Anderson, some of your pitchers but NOT COLBY into Furcal, Burnett, Peavy, Fuentes or something like that – all within budget and without selling our favorites or your soul, first-born, farm system, long term club stability or job. Speaking of Kennedy, have you investigated trade partners in the Pioneer League?

You don’t have a bad hand but you’ve got to turn it into a very different hand in about two months time. Oh, and in case you didn’t notice – the clock is ticking and we are all watching your every move and non-move……ready to critique at a moment’s notice. May I suggest the extended life cell phone battery that you will be using while your family is enjoying the holidays?

Yes, we will be watching. In fact, some of us have been known to consult our Blackberry during the Sunday sermon for hot stove updates. For if nothing else, lboros taught us that roster management is nearly as interesting a sport as the game itself. Btw, do you have a cool matrix or do you use ours?

So, good luck Mo – really. We’re all pulling for you. But I do have one warning for you. While we empathize with you, we can also turn on you. Think you’re safe? Just make a bad move and see how many volunteer to give you a one way ride to the top of the Arch. My own sharp wit has been known to return as quickly as it disappeared. GMs come and go but Cardinal Nation lives forever.

Drive successfully for you are temporarily holding the keys to the precious family car that we dearly love. I sure hope that my next inspiration is a complimentary Dear Mo letter and not a sarcastic Dear John letter.

Go get ‘em Mo!

I like you – for now,

Hinkster

dhinkle@insightbb.com

weekend discussion --- recycled "Ode to the Cardinals"

Hinkster — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 14:52:50 -0000

[Promoted from the diaries section --- L.B.]
(P.S.: today's Tournament of Champions results (including a Game 7) are right below this post.)

For your wintertime pleasure, I submit the following ramble from Oct 2006 that was awarded with publication in the Wall Street Journal (Daily Fix) the week before the Cards squared off against the Tigers in 2006 World Series. A tip ot the hat to die-hard Met fans at The Daily Fix who graciously published this the morning after the 2006 NLCS clincher.

Ode to the Cardinals
By DAVE HINKLE
Special to THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
October 20, 2006 12:31 p.m.

The Daily Fix asked readers who are fans of the Tigers and Cardinals to write an ode to their club, explaining why they're a fan and what characteristics their team seems to have year-in and year-out, even as the cast of characters changes. Here's Dave Hinkle on the St. Louis Cardinals.

St. Louis Cardinal baseball is a multi-generational mosaic of love, passion and loyalty. Cardinal baseball is decades of sandlot kids from Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Indiana, Iowa, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Arkansas who are now adults in all parts of the world -- and still wearing red. We are Cardinal Nation -- the Sea of Red.

Cardinal baseball is heroes blazing through the record books: Hornsby, Frisch, and Mize, Pepper, Marty, Kenny and Stan the Man. Oh, the splendid memories of Flood, Maxvill, Forsch, Sutter, McGee, Tudor, Worrell, Clark, Rolen, Edmonds, Lankford, Kile and Tommy Herr. Cardinals have captured more titles than any other team except that team up north that we knocked off in the '64 series.

But Redbird Passion is about more than winning. It's the Gashouse Gang, Birds on a Bat and good ol' Gussie sipping a cold, frosty Budweiser. We're Ernie Hays at the organ, the Wagon Gate and Fred Bird. We're the Clydesdales, the Arch and three Busch Stadiums. We already had Jack Buck, Mike Shannon and 'ol Abner so we gave the world our spares -- Harry Carey, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. We're the hometown of Garagiola, Costas and Berra. Need more proof we're the Kings? We make all the beer. Now, THAT'S a winner!

The Cards are tough, in-your-face competitors like Cox, Stottlemyre and Matheny. We are Gibby pitching on a broken leg and Albert smashing sliders into orbit. Oh, and for toughness, don't forget we got a Frazier, a Spinks and a shortstop named Mike Tyson.

The Cardinals are speedy and daring -- suicide squeeze, first to third and stealing home. There goes Enos, Lou, Vince, and Bake McBride -- the Calloway Kid. We are loveable super-subs like Lawless, Iorg, Brummer, Tito, Rex and the Secret Weapon.

We are the Mad Hungarian, Silent George, Skates, Mudcat, Simba, Cha Cha and the Zamboni. We got a Rat, a Cat and Harry the Hat. We got a Ducky, a Woody, a Yadi, an Obie, a Stubby, a Nellie and a Belli. We got So, Bo and Little Joe. We got Matty, Moe and Matty Mo. We got Soup, Pags, Hub, Tewks and Uke. We got Ozzie, Izzy, Dizzy and Daffy. We even have the coolest sports name ever -- Julian Javier. (Silent J's please.) We got Coopers, Simmons, Benes, Cedenos, Duncs, Ecks, half the Guerreros, a lot of Perez, a bunch of Penas and most every Cruz that ever wore a glove. We have our very own Reggies -- Smith and Sanders. And they are all happily ours -- Cardinals forever.

We've got a Henke, a Heinkel and me -- just an ordinary Hinkle who started a lifetime love affair when Dad and Grandpa took me to Busch and taught me to keep a scorecard just the way I do now with my son. We watched Torre as a Cardinal -- before he was cool. We launched the 27-team career of Todd Zeile.

We survived Don Denkinger. We're the nicest, most-knowledgeable bunch of baseball fans you'll ever meet. Heck, we even let Lefty, Rollie, Keith, Andy and TP go elsewhere so others could have heroes too.

St. Louis Cardinal baseball is the best. But don't trust my opinion -- ask baseball legends who got some serious Cardinal love at the end of their careers. Roger, Quiz, Lee Arthur, Larry Walker, Sutcliffe the Cub, Eric the Red, Will the Thrill and Big Mac.

This year? Maybe this is not our best team ever -- but who knows? From Red to Whitey to Tony, we always win in even-number decades. (You can look it up.) Who cares if we only won 83 games this year and nearly completed an epic collapse? We hadn't won back-to-back road games in a month then promptly won two in a row in San Diego. Go figure. We're sorry that Met injuries left them with a starting rotation of Darren Oliver, Oliver Perez and Oliver Wendell Douglas but, hey, that's the way it goes sometimes -- just ask Coleman, Clark, Pendleton and Carpenter who all sat injured while the Birds battled on.

So bring on the Tigers! We can't wait to see our ol' buddies Jimmy Leyland and Placido Polanco (the second-best name in all of sports). But, we'd like a little revenge for '68 -- thank you please. And we'd love to be able to follow Jack's advice to "go crazy folks! Go crazy!"

We've got Scotty and Jimmy. We've got the Speez, the son of a Cardinal champion, who sports that lucky red chin thingy. We've got Albert, Carp and hopefully no killer tarp. We've got red-hot rookies and the (step)son of Mookie. Joaquin Andujar, one tough Dominican and a Cardinal forever, would assess the possibilities with one word, his personal favorite: "Youneverknow."

Viva El Birdos!

Dave Hinkle grew up with a transistor radio under his pillow and Kentucky parents who taught him about the Redbirds, beginning with the 1968 Series against the Tigers. The transistor is now a momento on the bookcase, but the Hinkles will be gathered around the television again this year. Write to Dave at dhinkle@insightbb.com.

Mo's Diary

Hinkster — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 16:26:43 -0000

From the mind of Mo..............

"Miles, Politte, Wasdin, Brazelton, LaRue, Itzuris, Clement......interviewing Jim Lindeman tomorrow....I am really putting my stamp on this ballclub. Mom called to thank me for signing someone she had heard of - Roberto Clemente. I just told her he was making a comeback and left it at that."

"I showed some humongous balls by trading Edmonds. Now maybe people will start recognizing me in public."

"Luhnow has locked me out of my laptop again. Just as well, I never read his stupid charts and graphs anyway. Plus, those Miguel Cairo emails are a little threatening. I think he was following me at Walgreens the other day."

"If I can last a year or two in this job, my baseball card collection should be awesome plus I've started a great collection of those neat little hotel soaps and shampoos."

"Can't believe I let the Royals beat me to Hideo Nomo............I just love watching that wind-up."

"Saw Scotty at Paletta's office. He told me to f***-off. At least we're talking now."

"There's really no value in re-signing Aaron Miles. I just like to see the comment section light up on VEB. Plus, Aaron is such a cute little fellow and he tries so hard! Kinda reminds me of myself."

"If anyone finds out that lboros is smarter than me - and free - I'm in big trouble."

"So I signed a couple people by mistake............Flores - Randy, Ron, whatever.......who knew there were two of them?........Kelvin, D'Angelo......Barton, Barden.....who can keep up with all this paperwork?"

"Finalists for my new cool VEB secret screen name - JohnMozeliak, itradedjimmy, imagmreallyiamnotkidding."

"I don't mind doing TLRs laundry but I hate grooming his cats during the off-season. His suggestion that I get written permission before visiting the clubhouse is way over the top but I'll probably do it if he lets me meet Bobby Knight. (I can't wait to ask him about that chair throwing incident)"

"Hired Dr. Phil to meet with TLR, Dunc Sr and AR. Pretty neat.....maybe we can all be on TV together."

"Brian Cashman and Theo Epstein think they are so cool. If Clement can win 20 may they will quit making fun of me at the GM meetings. Maybe I should sign Pavano too."

"Mr. Dewitt said if I keep doing a good job, he'll let me talk in management meetings."

"Corky Rasmut probably will be a good cf but I think he needs to learn how to VORP a little better."

"Got a real problem brewing for spring training as Dunc Sr and Jr have devised a plan where they would beat the snot out of Weniberg and Paletta everytime someone goes on the DL> Weinberg now carrying mace in his little "trainer man bag"

"Saw Stan and Red at lunch the other day. I didn't mind not getting to sit with them but it was downright mean for Stan to call me an idiot. (Maybe I shouldn't have asked to play his harmonica) Red said I was just keeping the chair warm. What does that mean?"

"Why does Luhnow keep suggesting at staff meetings that I spend a couple of months touring the Venezuelan leagues?"

"Reds seem like such a dysfunctional organization. Kinda feel sorry for them."

Mo's Diary III

Hinkster — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:50:18 -0000

6am - woke up from a nightmare that I had only signed Larue, Brazelton, Wasdin and Itzuris

6:01 - got out of bed, very nervous for some reason

6:30 - get to office early, gotta show some leadership and get on top of this TLR, Rolen thing

6:35 - Mom calls, says she's never heard of any of these guys I've signed.....wants to know if I saw Dolly Parton at the Opryland Hotel....I tell her no but that Cashman and Epstein were making fun of me in Nashville by seeing who could make me the most ridiculous offer....then they nicknamed me and Luhnow "rock and a hard place"

7am - Read the papers and see Strauss quote on how I attempted to broker a deal between TLR and Rolen - sounds good but the truth is I drove all the way to Scott's home in Jasper IN only to be shot at - fly out to SF, TLR shows me a letter where Scotty threatens to buy all the shelter animals and use them as target practice on farm in Jasper

7:15am - call WJ for advice but can't understand him because he's laughing so hard

7:30am - FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS...I have an MBA, I'm a GM, I was interviewed on ESPN, I have a private bathroom and sometimes I get to ride for free on Bill's private plane......surely I can brainstorm my way out of this mess

set up a Jupiter spring training pay-per-view cage match fight to the death between TLR and Rolen....buy pitching with the profits

bring back Mitchell Page...if I can get them drinking.....

draw a big circle around third base area where TLR is not allowed to enter....have Time Out chair in far end of dugout for Rolen

Trade them both to the Nats...hee hee

Change their uniform numbers to confuse and distract everyone

Get Duncans to beat the hell out of both of them

Broker a deal where silence is required but every time Rolen pops up, TLR gets one free na-nana-boo-boo

Let Paletta operate on both of them

Ban double switches and LOOGYs until TLR apologizes

Maybe the folks at VEB will have some ideas

Mo - Dear Diary II

Hinkster — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 13:29:59 -0000

Another day in the life of new Card GM John Mozeliak

Arrived in the office this morning to find Miguel Cairo furiously doing one-armed push-ups on my desk........gotta get better security around here

Check voicemail

Luhnow complaining that Dunc won't let him see his secret dugout tracking journals and that Dunc threatened to kick his ass if any Luhnowtics ever touched his charts......to tell the truth, I'm kinda scared of Dunc myself

Dave Littlefield called looking for a job....I don't think so

Rolen's agent called....said he sent a dozen Omaha Steaks to TLR as a peace offering

Bud Selig called......he wants to be honored at 2009 all-star game

Ozzie called to say he is being disrespected by the new administration.....whatever

Garrett Stephenson called.....he wants to mentor AR.....who is Garrett Stephenson?

MLB players union reminding us we now must provide I-Pods, lap-tops, Treos, BOSE headsets, 24/7 Starbucks and fuzzy slippers for all players

ebay called, they want to know if I want to bid on domain name www.firejohnmozeliak.com

Bernie calls to verify rumor that we might trade so and so....."Hey, Bernie, the ship's on fire - anything's possible! Can we trade you for a writer TBNL?".....oh how I'd love to say that

Log on to VEB for new ideas........what is "pitch to contact"?.......how you pronounce azruavator?.....what does VORP mean?......what if lboros is really Luhnow?

Call Albert to see if he needs anything delivered to his home today

Check the medical report....no change....man, these injured pitchers have it made....don't lift a finger for a year and still get paid (alot more than me)....gotta get me some of that action

Doctor calls to see if I am still having those nightmares about Purpura and DePodesta

Check ESPN FA tracker for shortstops.....looks like its Eckstein or..........maybe Barry Larkin.....think briefly about Miguel Cairo

Take call from the Marlins....they are ready to move Cabrera for Rolen....plus Duncan, Reyes, Rasmus, Anderson, Garcia, some cash and a new stadium

Check email

Rolen insisting he not have to speak to TLR

Reyes insisting he not have to speak to Dunc

Dunc insisting he not have to speak to anyone

TLR insisting I give him hourly updates

short message from DeWitt...."Honeymoon's Over"

Reach for Maalox, Tums and some nicorette

Read 5 page report from Luhnow telling me that Miles is batting .373 against left-handers over six feet tall when playing under a full moon on Tuesdays in June

Crisis of the day....evidently Ernie Hays has locked himself in his stadium organ room threatening to play The Budweiser song non-stop until we promise not to play rock music between innings.....

Check the budget again.....no change.......feel like I'm shopping at Costco with a ten dollar bill for living room furniture and a new car.....is it too early for a drink?

Open Hickory Farms Holiday gift pack from agent of Wells and Maroth

Decide to take a walk for fresh air......see banner hanging from Arch that reads, "Please hire me! Miguel Cairo"..............I need personal security

Duck into a bar for lunch......no one recognizes me.....getting lonely, I tell the bartender that I'm John Mozeliak....he doesn't believe me and asks me to pay for the beer upfront

See Whitey and Trader Jack McKeon drinking at the end of the bar.....they tell me they feel sorry for me but not to worry because I'm competing against morons like Dusty Baker and Wayne Krivsky

Back to the office......feeling a bit more confident and thinking about trading with the Reds

Look in the mirror in my private bathroom and think, "By golly, Mom's right. I am not a puppet and I can do this job! I will show them!" Just a quick prayer before I hit the phones again......."Dear God, I am so thankful that Chris Antonetti bought my line about this job being impossible. Now please make it possible."

Mo - Dear Diary

Hinkster — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 02:22:41 -0000

5am - wonderful dream that I am the GM of Cardinals

6am - wake to realize its true but I got big problems...not the least of which is catching my plane to GM meetings in Orlando....pack my cool new suits and expensive ties....Bill's got the private plane, so head to Lambert for commercial flight

7am - being a wise GM, I astutely address the elephant in the room by calling cell phone of Rolen and of his agent.....get voicemail

9am - take obligatory calls from Bernie, Strauss and some other guy........tell them blah, blah, middle of the road bs........do not return calls from Gammons, Olney and SI.......delete 47 other voicemails and 99 emails I do not recognize.......check the 07 stats, they haven't changed from yesterday.......check injury report on Mulder and Carp, no change..........ignore text messages from agents of Wells and Maroth

10am - walk the concourse of Lambert....no one recognizes me....guy next to me reading sports page complains loudly about cheap Cardinal budget

1pm - wander around Hyatt Grand Cypress amazed at the beauty until I realize I have work to do...hear that Silva will get 3 yrs $40M, go to nearest men's room and throw up

2pm - fashionably late lunch with GMs who congratulate me with odd smiles on their faces and three guys who I should recognize but don't

3pm - take in beauty of Grand Cypress again and wonder, "What would Walt do?".....John Mabry's agent bumps into me.....then Miguel Cairo's........Scott and agent have not returned call

4pm - Jed calls to say he feels awesome and not to worry......I do anyway.......catch lobby conversation with Scott Boras, pretty cool......I think.......why did he mention Weaver?

5pm - meet with staff to hear what I already know....recall how wonderful it was to be a second lieutenant with no pressure

6pm - lavish dinner with a table of powerful GMs....incredible food, expensive wine.....at just the right time, I coyly gauge their interest in Rolen.......probably talked too much, thanks to the wine.....we discuss politely then they leave to tell everything I said to reporters....I see one GM laughing

9pm - at the bar, take call from DeWitt....tell him big things are in the works......see Paul DePodesta drinking alone at one end of the bar, Tim Purpura, alone at the other end.

11pm - get in my jammys and return Mom's call.... she's so proud ("no, Mom, I'm not going to Disney World")......call my wife, tell her to buy the new house and ignore the reporters...go to sleep happy that I am the Cards GM

Midnight - wakeup nervous in my luxury room......hit the mini-bar, try to surf VEB for ideas but Luhnow has once again done something funky with my laptop........wonder aloud if lboros and team are for hire......50 more emails, 20 more voicemails..........most wondering if I'll package Rasmus, Garcia and Anderson for an expensive vet.... can't sleep, have a tee time tomorrow on one of the most difficult courses in Fla but I don't play golf (why does that seem ironic?).....Scotty and agent still haven't called back