First attempt at a FanPost (chock full of lame comedy.)

Washington Capitals Offseason To-Do List:

1. Send out search parties for Alexander Semin, Mike Green, and the Powerplay.

2. Call off search parties, wait until October to see them.

3. Board team bus, head to local costume shop, get fitted for clown shoes.

4. Take CPR class, learn Heimlich maneuver for recurring choking problems.

5. Learn origami, put folding skills to good use.

6. Visit jewelry store, pick up polish for President's Trophy and Ovechkin's Olympic Medal. No wait, just the President's Trophy.

7. Watch rest of NHL playoffs, take notes on how to play defense. Get bored after ten minutes, flip to NBA playoffs, reaffirm theory that defense doesn't matter.

8. Attempt to tally the amount of 'fans' jumping off the bandwagon like rats from a sinking ship. Count to 3, give up, reason that '3 is good enough, right?'

9. Field furious call from Gary Bettman, complaining about ruining playoff TV ratings.

10. Dust off golf clubs, begin booking tee times, watch Happy Gilmore as instructional video.

11. Mark calendars for Halloween, to begin another 6 month masquerade as a dominant hockey team.