It's National Potato Chip Day.

Bet you can't eat just one.

Poll

Favorite chips?

8%

Plain Potato

8 votes

15%

BBQ

15 votes

18%

Sour Cream and Onion

18 votes

3%

Ranch

3 votes

14%

Tortilla with Salsa

14 votes

0%

Corn

0 votes

7%

Doritos

7 votes

8%

Fish &

8 votes

8%

Chocolate

8 votes

4%

Dill Pickle

4 votes

4%

Poker

4 votes

6%

Computer

6 votes

4%

Cow

4 votes

99 votes | Poll has closed

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HUDDY

See Timmy how big he’s grown

But friend it hasn’t been too long

He wasn’t big

…was considered undersized by scouts at 6′0 tall and 160 pounds...

They laughed at him and he got mad

The first day that he painted it was just a twig

When the Big Show came

And he ran out to blow those teams away

It wouldn’t die

Came running off all excited

Slipped and almost hurt himself

And I laughed till I cried

He was always young at heart

Kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved him so

And he surprised me with a puppy

Kept me up all Christmas Eve ten years ago

And it would sure embarrass him

When I came out from working late

‘Cause I would know

That he’d been sitting there and frying

Over some sad and silly pitch I’d thrown

And Huddy I miss you

And I’m being good

And I’d love to play with you

If only I could

He wrecked the bar ’cause he was mad

…the young man…proceeded to spray Hudson with beer. It was then that punches flew.

And so afraid that I’d be sad

But what the heck

Though I pretended hard not to be

Guess you could say he saw through me

And hugged my neck

I came home unexpectedly

And caught him crying needlessly

In the middle of the day

And it was in the early Spring

When Braves fans chop and Braves fans sing

He went away

And Huddy I miss you

And I’m being good

And I’d love to play with you

If only I could

One day while I was not at home

While he was there and all alone

Atlanta came

Now all I have are memories of Huddy

And I wake up nights and call his name

Now my life’s an empty stage

Where Huddy pitched and Huddy played

And love grew up

And a small cloud circles ’round and ’round

And cries down on the pitching mound

That Huddy loved

And see Timmy how big he’s grown

But friend it hasn’t been too long

He wasn’t big

They laughed at him and he got mad

The first day that he painted it was just a twig...

Continue reading this post »

Hi, Matt. Ice Cream here from Athletics Nation.

Horse racing fan for almost 40 years growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area. 

My specialty is the Northern California Fair Circuit. (Did I miss the Golden Gate Fields scratches/changes link on the sidebar?)

One more thing--I'm a big collector of horse racing bobbleheads. (Currently pining for a Chris Loseth bobblehead given away in May, 2006 at Hastings Racecourse in Vancouver.)

Good luck with the blog!

Jamie Foxx featuring T-Pain - Blame It (via jamiefoxx)

 

Original lyrics here.

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Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody (via Frozentoast)

Original lyrics here.

O Beaneian Rhapsody

Is this the real team?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a nonslide

No escape from that Jeremy

Open your eyes

Look up to these guys and see

I’m just a poor boy, don’t need free agency

Because I’m easy come, easy go

Bid too high, bid too low

Anyway, the win’s blown; doesn’t really matter to me, to me

Macha, just quilled a man

Put a pen against his head

Squeezed the barrel, now the dread

Macha, budget’s just begun

But now I’ve gone and blown it (Holliday)

Macha, ooo.

Didn't mean to make you cry

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow

Carry on, carry on as if no team really matters

Too late, L. Davis gone

Send shivers down my spine

Chavy’s aching all the time

Good-bye everybody – I’ve got to go

Gotta leave you all Devine and face the truth

Macha – ooo – (anyway the win’s blown)

I don’t want RyRy

I sometimes wish I’d never seen Brown at all

I see a little silhouetto of a man

Scary Lewis, scary Lewis, will you hit the damn fungo?!

Under belts are tightening, very very frightening

Mike Gallego, Mike Gallego

Mike Gallego, Mike Gallego

Mike Gallego, Scutaro!

Magnifico!

But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me

He’s just a poor boy from a small market team

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Crosby come, Crosby go – will you let me go?

Beane’s milieu! No! We will not let you go! Let him go!

Beane’s milieu! We will not let you go! Let him go!

Beane’s milieu! We will not let you go! Let me go!

Will not let you go! Let me go!

Never let me go!  Ooo …

No, no, no, no, no, no, no –

Oh Macha see ya, Macha see ya, (my Casilla) let me go

See, Ellis, bub’s, seen a devil with a side d’livr’y

D’livr’y

Ziggy!

 

So you think Jason Giambi can spit in my eye?

So you think you can love me despite Jermaine Dye?

Oh baby -- can’t do this to me baby

Just gotta get out – Josh gotta get right Outman here

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

No team really matters

Anyone can see

No team really matters – no team really matters to me

Anyway, the win’s blown …

Continue reading this post »

C: Kurt Suzuki--Kurt is from Hawaii and Hawaiians are hella friendly. Grade A

1B: Daric Barton--friendly but could be friendlier with the right person. Grade B+

2B: Mark Ellis--would be friendlier but unicorn duties often supercede friendship. Grade B

SS: Bobby Crosby--not playing well + still a relative newlywed = not very friendly. Grade D

3B: Eric Chavez--used to be really friendly but injuries and surgery have hampered him; could bounce back in 2009. Grade B

LF: Matt Holliday--married with two sons, "Big Daddy"  figures on prodigious friendliness in his new Oakland digs. Grade A

CF: Ryan Sweeney--see Daric Barton. Grade B+

RF: Travis Buck--wants to be friendlier but needs to get his confidence back. Grade C+

DH: Jack Cust-- friendly enough but a little too selective at times. Grade B

SP: Justin Duchscherer--as with Ellis, Duke would be friendlier if he wasn't so focused on the task at hand; knows how and when to turn it on/off. Grade B+

RP: Brad Ziegler--AN brother has answered all our questions and been awesome on and off the mound. A baseball blogger's best friend. Grade A+

But (should we reacquire him) the odds-on choice for Friendliest Athletic of 2009 will turn out to be ...

OF/1B: Nick Swisher--with Swish's track record it isn't even a contest. Nuff said. Grade A++

 

Simon Says promotion falls short of world record.

Other Simons say: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

 "Where have you gone, Joe Dimaggio?"

 "Mickey Mantle wet his bed 'til he was 16 years old?"

 "Eaahh!"

 "I want to apologize to her and the fans of Milwaukee."

 "I'm thirsty. Give me a cup of tea!"

 "If only I had been born Italian. All the best Yankees are Italian." 

Dump away.

Ha! You're out.

I didn't say, "Simon says...".                         

For all you Ray Ratto lovers and haters out there and assuming that imitation (or parody) is the sincerest form of flattery, here's your chance to declare yourselves in the first ever "Write Like Ratto" contest.

Ratto is the S.F. Chronicle sports columnist whose work can inspire admiration or derision. Sometimes both. Here's his latest column on the end of Brad Ziegler's streak.

The rules are simple: write a sentence, paragraph or column-length piece that captures the essence of Monsieur Ratto for you but at least it should include a tangential mention of the A's.  (Pseudo-hip pop culture references and the phrase "boys and girls" to indicate expertise as a teacher and sports columnist are encouraged but not required.)

There will be no disqualifications in the event the rules are not followed.

Judges: none other than our own resident Ratt-o-philes ruben sierra and monkeyball!

Prizes: are you kidding?

Decisions of the judges are final. In case of a tie, an All-Star game will be declared.

There you have it.

So that you know just how low the bar is being set, I'll offer the following:

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The All-Star Oakland Athletics from the last 40 years have been horribly mangled.

The vault of horror is about to open.

Who's next? Perhaps you?

Tales From the Crypt(ic)

 

"The foulest stench is in the air

The funk of 40 Oakland years

And grisly A's from every tomb

Are closing in to seal thy doom ..."

 

Survival Guide

 

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Last month, on that day game vs. the Red Sox that was originally scheduled to be a night game, I found myself limping across the BART bridge (hobbled by a bout of plantar fasciitis) after reading on the A's website about their "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" contest.

I couldn't go to the game itself because my older scooplette had a half-day at school and I had to pick her up at noon but the contest was from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. and I thought, "Heck, that's something I can do."

I was the first one there at the booth outside D gate and the A's video production crew was almost finished setting up.  I volunteered to do a sound check for them and sang a rendition of the National Pasttime Anthem before proceeding to the real deal.

The crew was fun and afterward I got a "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" T-shirt for Mrs. Ice Cream. I made my way back to the BART parking lot with a little story to tell my wife when she got home and asked, "So what did you do today?"

Anyway, the video auditions are up. (I'm the guy not wearing a cap.)

(For those that know me, yeah, they got my name wrong.)

Oh, well. Go ahead and get  your licks in.

The 2008 A's (with the exception of Jack Cust) don't seem to have much home run power. Nevertheless, I'm enthused that the A's can go far as long as they keep hitting and driving in runs.  You know, that and scoring more than other guys.

So my question for you guys is: Do you think a team (any team) can win a division or championship or World Series without a lot of HR power? Are there historical examples of that and if so, what did those teams have in place, e.g. pitching, great hitting, particularly weak opponents etc., to make up for the deficiency?

Thanks in advance to all of you who know more than me about this stuff and know how to look it up.

Doctored baseballs, doctored fields, corked bats, stolen signs, greenies, steroids and PEDS,--all the stuff of baseball lore when it comes to cheating.

ESPN.com even created a list of the biggest cheaters in baseball.

And these were just the guys trying to gain an advantage.

What about the temptation of "throwing the game" for, shall we say, monetary gain? I'm not the only one who's thought of the infamous 1919 Chicago White Sox and Pete Rose. As long as people, money and gambling are involved--the possibility exists.

When will it all end?

Most likely, never.

And while new designer drugs continue to be created in labs trying to keep one step ahead of testing policies, other "fields of dreams" are beginning to emerge and may present themselves to those in baseball seeking a competitive edge.

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Paula Abdul has been keeping close tabs on the Athletics this year. Here's what she has to say...

(actual quotes from American Idol)

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Superman, the Man of Steel, was vulnerable to many forms of kryptonite. Green kyptonite caused immediate pain, debilitation and death within hours. Red kryptonite had unpredictable effects that were never twice the same. Gold kryptonite disabled all superpowers from Krypton natives. Blue kryptonite hurt Bizarros while having beneficial effects on Kryptonians. Black kryptonite could split personalities and white kryptonite killed all plant life.

In the off season and throughout spring training, the Oakland Athletics were exposed to an altogether new form of kryptonite---green and gold c(k)ryptonite.

This has transformed the organization's personnel in strange and cryptic ways. To help you decipher these 2008 A's refer to this.

Previous cryptics can be found here and here.

Continue reading this post »

It's National Women's History Month and therefore an appropriate time to raise the issue of women in baseball.

The fact is there are no women playing major league baseball. There are no women umpires in major league baseball. And it's utter bullshit. And it's time to change.

You cannot convince me there aren't any women ballplayers out there that could compete in the majors. The traditional prima facie argument is that if there were any women players who were good enough then they would be playing. In horse racing, they used to say that about female jockeys, too. They weren't tough enough, they weren't strong enough ... blah, blah, blah. That changed over time. Now you have women jockeys winning with regularity and in top races, too. (Julie Krone in the 1993 Belmont Stakes and Chantal Sutherland capturing the Irish O'Brien Stakes at Santa Anita this last Monday.) But it took some owner or some trainer to give those first women a chance. So it is with baseball. It's going to take some coach, scout, manager, or owner to give some woman a chance. It's time to put prejudice behind and break down the domed ceiling.

Another argument against women in baseball is that they lack the necessary skill sets to compete with men, e.g., upper body strength., to which I once again call bullshit. How many skillsets does a ML ballplayer need? How many already flawed players do we observe every year that have jobs? We're not talking five-tool players but there have to be women that can pitch, throw, run and/or bat successfully enough to compete.

For Shauna, an eighth-grade Little Leaguer, the desire is certainly there.

And Katie Horstman, who played in the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League during WW II, doesn't see why anyone would think women couldn't play.

Horstman said the women weren't as strong as the men, but they trained hard, and above all, they knew how to play small ball.

"Sometimes when we watch these professionals, we just shake our heads because they obviously don't know the fundamentals," Horstman said.

Of course, the greatest obstacle women would face playing pro ball would be the male-dominated culture of baseball. The ingrained attitudes, preconceptions, sexism, superiority complexes, prejudices and biases of not just players, umpires, managers, coaches and baseball insiders, but sports media and ultimately ourselves, as fans.

Here's an example, from The Baseball Reliquary, of what happened to Pam Postena, in her struggle to become an umpire.

After praising her work behind the plate, the Astros pitcher [Bob Knepper] launched into a chauvinistic tirade: "I just don’t think a woman should be an umpire. There are certain things a woman shouldn’t be and an umpire is one of them. It’s a physical thing. God created women to be feminine. I don’t think they should be competing with men. It has nothing to do with her ability. I don’t think women should be in any position of leadership. I don’t think they should be presidents or politicians. I think women were created not in an inferior position, but in a role of submission to men. You can be a woman umpire if you want, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. You can be a homosexual if you want, but that doesn’t mean that’s right either."

Whatever.

It's high time to end the old boys' club and make room for some talented women. It's going to take desire, courage and a shift in attitudes but c'mon, it's 2008.

It's National Pie Day.              

Here's a coupon for a free slice o' pie.

What kind of pie do I like?                                          

Rhubarb.          

There's this guy and this guy.

And if you're short on reading material there's this.

Now, how about a nice slice?

Want Ice Cream with that?

Poll

Favorite Pie?

8%

Pumpkin

10 votes

8%

Cherry

11 votes

5%

Blueberry

7 votes

5%

Strawberry

7 votes

12%

Pecan

15 votes

11%

Chocolate

14 votes

5%

Rhubarb

7 votes

23%

Apple

29 votes

12%

Banana Cream

16 votes

7%

Lemon Meringue

9 votes

125 votes | Poll has closed

No, this diary is not a part of any manifesto.

It's for those of you ANers out there (new and old) that have rarely or never posted.

Take this as an opportunity to introduce yourself to the larger AN community and tell us why you like the A's and how long you've been a fan.

Feel free to post any other random thoughts you might have or at the very least, just drop by to say, "Hey!", kids.

Giveaways

Free trainer to a good AL West team.

Lost and Found

Lost: one shortstop. Last seen going to the plate.

Personals

I: We crossed paths at the Coliseum last week. I shoved you, you laughed. Something came between us. Call me, J

Real Estate

Piazza for sale. Fixer-upper.

Rentals

For rent beginning in 2011. One stadium from April thru October. Co-tenancy required. Tarps included.

For Sale

Used, slightly damaged chairs.

Services

Face-licks for shots. Any time. Day or night. Bonded and insured. References available.
1-800-FACELIK.

Employment

Baseball team seeks healthy players. Salary negotiable.

PLACE AN AD!

It wasn't easy but the A's beat the Royals last night 5-4 in eleven innings. Slide? Thank you.

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In case you missed it, The Police reunited for the Grammys last night and Aidin Vaziri says they weren't exactly the bee's knees.

(Speaking of, some mystery ailment is bringing millions of bees to their knees. Sting's singing?)

Mary J. Blige was Driven To Tears and the once-deposed Dixie Chicks proved that When The World Is Running Down, You Make The Best Of What's Still Around.

These poor people in the Canary Islands could have used a Canary In A Coalmine. They might still be alive.

Dave Del Grande's latest, "Voices Inside My Head", where he asks and answers himself on a few items A's and Giants related.

People are trying to figure out how to get these rolling Bombs Away from a preschool.

Dog De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da.

Hey, buddy! Get out from Behind My Camel.

The Twins' Joe Mauer is a A Man In A Suitcase full of money.

Old news but who can resist? Shadows In The Rain.

Golden State Warrior Stephen Jackson testifies as to The Other Way of Stopping a fight.

Don't dump. Don't dump. Don't dump so close to me...

I'm sure after months of careful planning the A's marketing gurus are getting ready to release the 2007 Promotions schedule and we can all expect the requisite bobblehead giveaways, fireworks nights and baseball cap days.

If it's like last year, however, there'll be a few promotion dates on the calendar labeled TBA (to be announced).

That's where you come in.

Assuming it's not too late, what promotions or giveaways would you like to see from the A's in 2007?

A's Antenna Ball Day

Milton Bradley/Mark Kotsay Sunglasses Giveaway

2007 ABC Giveaway (A's Butt Calendar)

"More COWBELL!" Night at the Coliseum (A's Cowbell Giveaway)

Jason Kendall/John Lackey Rock'em Sock'em Robots Day (courtesy of AN's rolliedigits)

Marco Scutaro Venezuelan Chocolate Candy Bar Day (variation on the Candyland game)

Nick Swisher Stick-On Facial Hair Day

Hey, I'm 2000 lbs. of simple. I don't know anything about all the trade speculation and stats going on around here regarding the Mets' Lastings Milledge. But what does the kid look like? Here's a picture. I think he'd look good in green 'n gold.

Also, Bruce Jenkins thinks Barry Zito will be a good fit for the NL but this had me scratching my head:

People have questioned Zito's ability to finish games, but they should take into account the A's obsession with pitch counts. How many times did fans scream at the television set, imploring manager Ken Macha to leave him in the game? If Zito is suddenly getting lit up on the fastball, that's one thing, but if it's a matter of 106 pitches, relax. Let him go another inning or two. His arm can take it.

I screamed at the TV set, too. But I was imploring Macha to take Zito out of the game.

In other news, scientists have discovered a new species of shark.

"They've been on their own branch of the evolutionary tree since well before the dinosaurs."

They're attempting to see whether Scott Boras is somehow related.

And ever get that nagging feeling something's not quite right with your horse? If you're in the Bay Area race him to the vet. He may have equine herpes.

Listen to me now but hear me later.

It's time to "DUMP YOU UP!"

I wish we knew what the players know about umpires. You better believe, if you're a professional baseball player, that you talk about umpires' strike zones and tendencies. Whether your're a hitter or pitcher you're going to want to know: who calls the corners, who gives you the high or low strike, who has a short fuse/quick trigger? And how are these things going to affect you on game day?

Probably no one knows the umpires better than a catcher. That's one of the reasons I like Ray Fosse in the broadcast booth because every now and then he gives one of those nuggets of information that only an insider would know. I wonder what Jason Kendall (who's caught in both leagues) could tell you about each of those men in blue?

I understand the players association conducts an umpire survey, ostensibly not for public consumption (players can't really be identified when criticizing the umps for fear of retribution), but in 1999 one was leaked to the press. Umpires union head Richie Phillips, predictably, panned the results.

In 2003 Sports Illustrated published the results of a survey of 550 major leaguers that included a section on best and worst umpires. I would've loved more details on why some umpires were good while others were bad.

19. Who's the best umpire?
Tim McClelland 22.0%
Jim Joyce 9.2%
Ed Rapuano 8.9%
John Hirschbeck 8.0%
Ted Barrett 4.8%
Mark Hirschbeck 4.5%
Inside the Numbers
* McClelland, who led both the AL (27.2%) and the NL (17.0%) in the best-umpire voting, fared better with hitters (26.4%) than with pitchers (16.7%).

Who's the worst?
C.B. Bucknor 20.7%
Bruce Froemming 16.1%
Joe Brinkman 8.0%
Joe West 7.0%
Phil Cuzzi 4.7%
Angel Hernandez 4.7%
Inside the Numbers
* Froemming, a 33-year veteran, led the worst-umpire voting among players with fewer than two years' service (27.5%).

When consulting on video game Major League Baseball 2K6, Derek Jeter was asked what would make the game even more realistic:

"Human error," he says. "Not dogging umpires, but everyone makes mistakes. The strike zone is always different for every umpire...some umpires have bigger zones. Clemens gets a bigger zone to work with than a younger kid, that's just the way it is. Umpires aren't always right. You have different guys. I'm not saying it's good or bad, just different. It's human error. I think that would add to the game, guys scouting the umpires, see how their strike zones are."

I'd love to know what the players think about the umps. It would be interesting to see or hear a quick pre-game report on the plate umpire that day with every TV/radio broadcast. You listening, Foss?