Updated 8:18PM: The 8th seeded Bucknell Bison have just defeated the 1st seeded Arizona Wildcats 65-54. Fictional sources reporting that Arizona is pursuing a young, untested head-coaching candidate named Lute Olson to replace the bewildered Sean Miller. Meanwhile, California has lost to USF by 11 points after scoring 13 points in the first half and allowing the Bulls to shoot nearly 57.1% for the game. Uncomfirmed reports place missing guard Jorge Gutierrez entering the Dayton UPS store (presumed to be returning Pac-12 POY trophy to conference offices).

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O****n meets Wisconsin in the Grand-daddy of Them All at 2:00PM and Stanford meets Oklahoma State in the "How Much Money Can We Steal From College Fans and Players Before We Get Caught" Bowl at 5:30PM. Wisconsin is the underdog in the Rose Bowl at +4.5 and is hurriedly petitioning the NCAA to allow their players to wear sunglasses to counter the D**ks new helmets, which have been textured with mirrors. Oklahoma State is the favorite in the Fiesta at -4.5 and is competing with Stanford to show the rest of the country which of them should have been saving the world from the most boring National Championship match-up ever concocted.