Hey, it's twofer time! This post has two lists regarding the Tour de France Maillot Blanc; they encompass former winners (Has-Beens) and future winners (To-Be-Has-Beens?). Alberto Contador and Andy Schleck are excluded from this unscientific analyses of former winners due to the unending and unasked for analyses regarding the truth universally acknowleged that the duo will finish 1-2 for their third time. Likewise, Robert Gesink is excluded from the list of potential candidates since his spindly and skinny legs have been pedaling at the forefront for years now.

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The UCI has many bureaucratic issues to resolve. There are several doping cases pending, delayed with non-stop debate over who and what has jurisdiction. Then, the organization needs to explain its new sporting criteria for ProTeams when not only riders but team administrators are confused by what can be considered secret dealings by the paranoid among us. Meanwhile, the greatest of offenses occur: Fashion Faux Pas! Oh, naughty naughty Telenet-Fidea messing with the rainbow symbols of the well-respected, rule-enforcing UCI on Zdenek Stybar, whatever shall be done with you? I am sure someone will be fined and/or suspended for besmirching the UCI fashion standards.

It is amusing, if not sometimes informative, to discuss One Hit Wonders whether in music or sport. In this spirit of critical and/or fan(atical) analyses, who were the Wonders on the road(s) in 2010? Unlike 2009, there is no outright top charter; in 2009 said top charter was Bradley Wiggins according to the popular opinions I defer to. Anyway, the highest rated Wonder cannot be eternally injured Chris Horner who remained uninjured this year. So, who then? Hmm, perhaps Janez Brajkovic finally winning "something big" like the Dauphiné? The successful year of wünderkind Peter Sagan? Team HTC having Peter Velits podium at the Vuelta? Oh, it seems I am picking on the Slovakians but my eyes are watching your career, Richie Porte. I know, we do not have results for the next ten years yet to make any definitive declarations of the One Hit Wonder of 2010 but discuss it we must!

The exact timing may depend on your time zone, but for everyone there are less than sixteen days in the 2010 Podium Café Virtual Directeur Sportif competition; yes, you can count down the days on your fingers and toes now, assuming you have at least sixteen. So, is it too soon to prepare your roster for the 2011 VDS? No, it is never "too early!"

Of course, I have not forgotten about my 2010 team; it has sixteen "sweet" days to climb forty-six places into first. So, if you are reading this Team Italia, I expect Nibali and Visconti to win the Road Race rather than Pozzato; and if you are lacking in "cycling mojo" then, well, do nothing to help him. I know I should be contented with my team cracking the Top Fifty, let alone scoring almost 2000 points over their haul last year, but I still expecting great things from "The Weight of a Nation" rider from the country north of me.

As to 2011, I have several "burning" questions; these issues may not be resolved until January, but I will air them now while the weather remains seasonable:

--Does the so-called Curse of the Rainbow Jersey, which did not seem to effect Evans, decrease the value of the Road Race Champion?

--Will ill-timed mechanicals, which prevented certain riders from winning, namely Tony Panzerwagen, be humanely considered into rider values so they do not decrease their value?  

--How much will wünkerkind Taylor Phinney cost?

--Obviously Richie Porte has had the best return value for 2010, earning 1000 points on costing 1, so will his cost be 16 times greater next year? 

--Will the Sanchezes, Lulu and Samu, cost the same next year since they have earned similar points amounts?

--Will the Brothers Schleck be of equal value? If not, will purchasing one permit you to get discounts on the other brother; also, will this scenario apply to the Velits Twins and Irish cycling cousins Martin and Roche? 

--How much will One-Hit Tour Wonder Wiggins go down in value? He cost 16 in 2010 on 635 points so he will have to go way down if he does not earn 300 more points.

Of course I am curious how others think their 2010 teams have done and what "burning" questions they have regarding the 2011 season since I assume all of us need some distraction right now. 

The invitation to post "five riders to watch" could not be resisted by me so, um, here I am posting. I do hope the fine editors, in their infinite editing wisdom, here do not plan on grading these posts by some arbitrary means, like determining who is "the bestest" cyclist ever. Here are the chosen:

Martin Elmiger (SUI/Ag2r-La Mondiale) Star Trek has its anonymous Red Shirts who disappear throughout the episodes; the same can be said of any champion Swiss rider at races where Fabian Cancellara is present. If Elmiger, current road champion of above named nation, seeks to impress then, well, he will do what all members of French teams are taught to do: join the breakaway bunch. Just one impressive stage win would spruce up his modest résumé. Of course he will be riding for the likes of Cyril Dessel and/or Nicholas Roche, but surely he can be allowed to have bigger wins than the Quatre Jours de Dunkerque? His career ceratinly hopes so if he is to receive due attention from his homeland.

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Come & Gone by Joe Parkin has been available through venerable American book sellers since early April. I assume that some of the American contingent at Podium Cafe have read it when not distracted by the ever increasing amount of races. As there have been no reviews in this forum on the such vivid prose as "[t]he New England cyclocross scene was strong, if a bit inbred" and "I could not perform roller ballet," let alone critical analysis regarding the smuggling of ferrets through airport security, I thought it was time to ask those who have read it beyond the reviews from A Dog in a Hat prominently printed on the back cover from Chris PodiumCafe.com  So, what do you who have read it rate the American sequel to the blood, betrayal, and beauty of Belgium?  I needed to finish as fast as I could.

Is it a cycling truth, to be universally acknowledged, that the climber who wins the maillot à pois rouges at Le Tour has doping products in his possession? It seems so when one reviews the list of winners in the 1990s and 2000s; there is no need to name names yet again. Perhaps it is time to shun the polka dots, with its spotty history. Forever. Bye-bye pretty podium girls in cute dresses!? Surely if La Vuelta can redesign its maillot oro then ASO can pay esteemed Paris fashion houses to redesign the King of the Mountains jersey to disassociate it from its inherent taint regardless of its iconic value. Any ideas for improvements? And no, no Vino-faced jerseys please.

Little respect is given to the alleged playboy of Italian cycling. Media attention focuses on his lifestyle, particularly his hair care routine, rather than his abilities that have earned him many podium places. Yes, probability is against him with the mountains, but the road can be the great leveler of expectations preached by so-called experts. Remember that Cavendish won Milan-Sanremo and Cancellara won the Tour de Suisse overall, so why not have "SuperPippo" on the Tour de France podium?

Why He Will Win: Pippo is the Italian Champion, not some "scumbag" like Filippo Simeoni; why, he is the coolest, suavest champion since Mario Cipollini. Remember folks, when Cipo wore his first Tricolor he won some Tour stages--okay, only one but Sastre and others have only won one stage and then won the Tour. Now, with the special powers of the Tricolor or Tricolors, he will triumph in his vendetta the sprints over that "twerpy Manxster" Cavendish; so too will he succeed in the hills with advice from his pal, World Champion Alessandro Ballan. The mountains can be trouble but, hey, if former teammate Cancellara can climb so can Pippo if he stalks follows the correct wheels  Now if only he can channel his younger self then he will be able to win prologues and time trials...

Why He Will Not Win: The weight of hair gel in his musette will slow him down dramatically; if not that then team politics will because there will be no help for him when compatriot Napolitano eyes the sprints too. Also, he will be unable to shadow his bestest friend Tom Boonen.

No Tour de France preview is complete without paying compliment to the anointed savior and sweetheart of French cycling, Monsieur Thomas Voeckler of the not-so-French-sounding name.

Why He Will Win: Unconfirmed anonymous sources have leaked this statement from the former French Champion (translated from the French): "Because French citizens believe in me I've had many, many victories [four] this year; that's more than Armstrong, Evans, Sastre, and all those Luxembourg riders. Unlike other contenders, I attack; I haven't been as success as Hinault but my Giro performances have me well on my way. I've worn the maillot jaune before, but cracked under the pressure. This year I'll win it for the twenty-fourth anniversary of Hinault's last win for France. "

Why He Will NOT Win: Duh, he is French!