Note: recreated from a comment by request.

I heard that Garrett, Cheatey, Trutanich and Schenter had a conference call to discuss damage control. They quickly decided to come up with an explanation for USC Marketing. My friend works for AT&T and surreptitiously recorded the call. He would not let me release the actual recording, but I did transcribe it. Here it is for the first time anywhere.

Cheatey: (having participated in similar fire fighting exercises on numerous occasions made a suggestion) Hey I know. Let’s say it’s an acronym for something.

Garrett: A who’s what's it now?

Trutanich: Damn it, Mike. You don’t know what an acronym is? An acronym is a group of letters where each is used as the first letter of a different word. You know, like “USC” stands for University of Southern California?

Garrett: I still don’t get it.

Trutanich: Jesus, where did you go to colle . . . oh wait. Never mind Mike. Just try not to speak for the rest of the call while us grown ups try to figure out what to do.

Garrett: (sticking thumb in mouth) Okay.

Cheatey: (while pursing his lips and with determination.  Think Will Ferrel as George W. Bush) How about Ultra Sexy Carroll?

Trutanich: That’s good, but it may lead to more questions about the live-in coed.

Cheatey: Got it.  GREAT comment, Tru!  It's at times like this when I love you more than my whittle Mattey Whattey.  He's so cute I just want to eat him up!

Schenter: I know. Unscrupulous Stab for Cash?

Trutanich: Again, guys, we are not going for accuracy. We are trying to come up with something that will allay suspicion, not increase it.

Cheatey: (this time pursing his lips and squinting his eyes)  Dudes, I've got it: Unquestionably Sexy Carroll.

Trutanich: (speechless.  looks down in disgust.  muttering to himself).  Why didn't I go UCLA?

Schenter: Untimely Statement on Corruption?

Cheatey: (somewhat sheepishly) Undeniably Sexy Carroll?

Trutanich: It’s official. You are all morons. How do you eat and walk straight, let alone coach a successful football team? Wait. I’ve got it. (directing the next question to Schenter) Have you ever been to China?

Schenter: There was one?

Trutanich: (large sigh and long pause) For God’s sake, just say it stands for United States China and claim to be working on some general marketing plan for an unnamed product or service to be sold or marketed in the United States and China. Make sure to explain it in an email because if any reporter worth his salt verbally asks you questions, you will never be able to handle it.

Before going out and getting shalacked by a mediocre Ole Miss team, Lame gave an interview that aired on CBS.  When asked about the arrest of three of his players for an alleged armed robbery, Lame brought up a really good point. He said:

We've been here for 11 months and this is the first incident we have had.

So true.  I mean, Lame has bad mouthed an SEC coach who has actually won something; told a recruit who was leaning toward South Carolina that he would end up working at a gas station if he went to play for Spurrier; promised to sing rocky top at the Swamp before even playing a game, let alone winning one; was publicly reprimanded by the SEC (twice); and forced Tennessee to self-report recruiting violations.

But guys; c'mon.  This really is the first time in the entire 11 months (it's almost a year for God's sake) that any of his players have been arrested for armed robbery.  Lame is a saint compared to other coaches.  Kiffin should not be singled out for punishment, he should be celebrated with mad props by upstanding celebrity role models.

Just don't ask The Ogre, though.  He states the Kiffin philosophy on recruiting in a pretty straight forward fashion:

We're not angels and we're not going to recruit a bunch of angels.

You can see more Ogre gems here.  It actually tells you a lot about Lame and his band of thugs. Here are the other quotes I liked:

"We have 20 commitments right now. We plan to sign a full class and more. I'll sign a 100 if they let me. I don't think they will. We have a lot of guys interested in us."

On head coach Lane Kiffin's brashness: "People would love for you to be quiet and stay put and let the powers that be be the powers that be. You've got to go out and you've got to attack. That's our philosophy."

On the response from prospects to the helicopter [note: gee, I wonder where he came up with this idea?] flying Kiffin in: "The players loved it. When you bring Coach Kiffin somewhere it's like bringing Elvis. People are just attracted to him. They love him."

By the way, how funny is it that Ole Miss beat Lame and the Ogre with players recruited by the Ogre himself.

Why do bad things keep happening to people at USC?  It's not because they aren't good people, is it?  Oh.  Wait.

In an unusual twist, the lawsuit claims that USC was negligent because the university provided the vehicle to Watson and "was aware of or should have been aware of [his] addiction to prescription pain medications." Valentin further alleges that USC's own doctors knew about Watson's addiction and prescribed him with excessive pain medication.

Maybe USC doctors also treated Michael Jackson at the end.

I have mole deep under cover in the SC athletic department.  Let's call him ArrettGay IkeMay. 

According to my source, here is the short list of candidates to replace Timmeh (in no particular order):

Percy Miller
Matt Leinart
Elliot Spitzer
Brennan Carroll
Mark Furhman
OJ Simpson
Randy "Duke" Cunningham
This guy
Reggis Bush, Sr.
Rodney Guillory
Mike Brown (former head of FEMA)

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A lot of people have been posting predictions on how SC* fans will attempt to rebut the building allegations.  Well, I thought it might be fun to look at a few.  As it turns out, the actual postings by Cal Southern fans are funnier than the predictions. Look at the comments to the OC Trojister blog article on the interview with the Yahoo reporter. As TJ Simers says, these people live among you.

Here are a few of the unedited gems (with spelling errors and all!):

The "Yahoo is written by non-credible yahoos defense:"

When has Yahoo Sports reporteers ever been rigth on a story? Give me one thing they were ever correct about prior to anything coming from CNNsi or ESPN or even FOX sports? NOT ONE Thing.
When you talk about the Rodney Guillory situation, didn’t USC ask the NCAA to do their own investigation prior to OJ signing or playing at USC and the NCAA Cleared OJ to play? YES they did.

The "they were dirty before they got here defense:"

Sorry, but this is complete BS. The reporter’s assertion that USC facitated and somehow introduced these relationships is incredibly false. These people were close with the atheletes independently of being visiting them on campus or calling them on their cell phones one they were at USC. Rodney Guillory sank his claws into OJ Mayo long before he was even recruited by USC. The Bush family got involved with Reggies’ handlers through existing personal relationships the father had. Michael, please call the Yahoo reporter on this assertion, which it is so incredibly false, it defies belief and obviously calls into question the credibilty of the reporter. You can argue that USC should have been much more concerned about these apparrent relationships and done a more thorough investigation, but to sugggest that the "access" enabled these relationships is ludicrous.

This one is vital because it assumes that a player’s misconduct can not be imputed to a university, regardless of the university’s action or inaction.

The "everyone is lying but us defense:"

And, Louis Johnson is a convicted felon for cocaine, a failed sportswriter, a wannabe Guillory hoops runner, and he is writing a book. Louis Johnson has no credibility whatsoever. And, he did not witness the purported event. It is hearsay from a felon with a motive.

The "$1K asking price is way too low defense:"

Does anyone really believe that if OJ Mayo was for sale, that $1k would be the asking price? You cannot be serious. The Yahoo report is ludicrous.

The "you’ll never prove it so it didn’t happen defense:"

I find the line of reporting to be extremely distasteful. Floyd giving $1,000 is something that is never going to be proven or disproven, so the theory that Johnson is telling the truth out of perjury prosecution is weak. It comes down to he said-he said.

In the mean time, Tim Floyd’s reputation and USC’s reputation take a beating simply because this pseudo news is so widely reported.

I should think that to demonstrate lack of instutional control, NCAA would want multiple, provable offenses, within the same time period and within one sport. They are not there yet, and I doubt they will be! Fight on!

I especially like the comment about Floyd’s and SC*’s reputation taking a beating. Nice touch. Exactly what is the reputation of a coach who: hires players’ fathers, hires aau coaches, gives scholarships to unqualified posers as part of package deals, and regularly takes players from diploma mills? 

I know.  Let's ask Gregg Doyel what the mainstream media thinks of Timmeh.

As I learned very early in Con Law: the truth is an absolute defense to defamation.

* Originally posted in a comment, but moved to a fanpost with some edits.

Our old friend Lame Kiffin continues to insert his foot firmly in his mouth on a daily basis as he tries to survive in the SEC.  We start out with recruit Alshon Jeffrey telling us about his experience with Master Cheatie and Cheatie, Jr. when Jeffrey informed them that he had decided to go to South Carolina:

As Southern California's Pete Carroll and Tennessee's Lane Kiffin, along with their assistants, did their best to make a final pitch to Jeffrey in the wee hours of that morning, Jeffrey made sure their conversations were on speaker phone. Mack [note: a player on his high school team] was sitting there listening, too.

"It's a whole different level, and these guys don't give up easily," Wilson said. "I don't blame them. It's what they do. It's how they put bread on their table."

Because he'd been committed to Southern California for so long, Jeffrey said he did inform Carroll that he planned to sign with South Carolina. The Trojans had tried to put the squeeze on Jeffrey earlier in the recruiting process and told him that they were going to pull his offer unless he agreed not to take visits anywhere else.

To make a long story short, Jeffrey took his visits to South Carolina and Tennessee, and the Trojans never quit recruiting him.

"He tried his best to talk me out of it, but my mind was made up," said Jeffrey, who still refers to Carroll as "Pete."

Nice to see that Cheatie is only interested in what is best for the kids.  Hard to imagine, but it gets better:

Kiffin was equally dogged. But when it was obvious that Jeffrey wasn't going to Tennessee, Kiffin took off the gloves.

According to Jeffrey and Wilson [note: Wilson is Jeffrey's high school coach who listened to the call on speaker phone with Jeffrey and Mack], Kiffin told Jeffrey that if he chose the Gamecocks, he would end up pumping gas for the rest of his life like all the other players from that state who had gone to South Carolina.

Jeffrey was doing his best to stay awake at that point, but that comment from Kiffin woke him up. He clearly hasn't forgotten it, either.

"He said it, but it's not worth talking about," Jeffrey said.

Wilson was a little more diplomatic. He wrote it off as Kiffin pulling out all of the stops and simply not wanting to concede defeat. Wilson acknowledged that's about as negative as it got that morning.

"It was his last resort. That's all it was," said Wilson, who also attended high school in South Carolina. "When you get pushed against the wall and your back is there, you're going to come out with something. You should have heard coach Carroll. He was wide awake at 3 o'clock in the morning. Remember, he was on West Coast time and fighting to get Alshon to the very end.

"But the war was over at that point."

Stay Classy, Lamey! You too Cheatie Peetie!  Hey, here is a tip: when a kid is on speaker phone, always ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE ARE LISTENING TO THE CALL!.  Genius!

Of course, Lame denies he said that.  With such detail and other witnesses around to hear the call though, what little credibility Lame had left is just about gone.

Kiffin is in so far over his head, it almost isn't even fair.  The Ole Ball Coach must even feel sorry for him, because he hasn't commented on Lamey's ill-advised statements (at least as far as I know).

I hope he ends up getting something out of Al Davis, because it is pretty obvious this guy will barely survive the off-season in the SEC.  Forget about the regular season.  He is toast.

Don't worry, Lame.  At least nobody can say you don't have a hot wife:

"I am as surprised as anyone that she would even date me, let alone marry me."