A guide to understanding the responsibility of having, maintaining, and benefitting from your playoff beard.

I intend for this guide to be a simple and informative collection of relevant beard knowledge and wisdom. People that are unable to grow a playoff beard are still welcome to read this guide (except for Crosby, I hate that guy). But everyone else, teens, ladies, Tyler Seguin (it's not his fault, but it's true) are all invited to glean some beard knowledge and get a peak inside the Bearded Brethren (the holy order of the beard). There is a lot of work involved in having a playoff beard, there is more to it than simply hiding your razor and hoping your girlfriend doesn't notice.

It is well known and well documented that the most important thing a fan can do during the playoffs is grow a playoff beard. The growth of a wild beard draws power from old prophets and ancient gods (all of whom are well documented as being members of the Bearded Brethren). This power is then conferred to the team to assist them in dominating their foes. It is similar to the effect achieved by ritualistic sacrifices. Again, well documented, what follows is not my opinion, it's science.

Take care of your beard and your beard will take care of you . . .

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Promoted FanPost

What follows is a transcript of a conversation from Celtics central. This was the first practice held after the All Star Break. After the practice Danny came up from his secret underground lair and a conversation took place. In order to acquire the following transcript I had to use every ninja trick I've ever been taught and invent three new ones. There were bribes involved and a civilized amount of blackmail. No killing this time, at least nothing permanent, so that was good. I'm not saying all this to brag, I just want you to understand how difficult it was.

To set the stage, the Celtics were wrapping up a practice. This was one of the special practices where the Celtics actually try and not like the regular practices that happen in the so called "Practice Facility." The regular practices are obviously more intense and usually have to conclude with KG receiving a tranquilizer so he doesn't accidentally kill someone again. And there's a lot of complex machinery involved in all the trap doors, shifting backboards and shrinking rims.

Danny walks in just as KG dodges capture from his team of three handlers. He waits and lets the scene unfold.

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I was really and truly excited when the news leaked that LA was dealing Odom and Gasol in a trade to land CP3. I sat there and had wonderful images in my head of Garnett having to guard a 4 that wasn't as offensively talented as Gasol. Loved knowing that LA's second unit would be without super-sub Odom. And in exchange for these two matchups departing LA, they were bringing in a point guard that Rondo matches up well against.

Don't get me wrong, if LA had shipped off Kobe, kept Gasol and brought in CP3, I'd be terrified. I'd be mad that it happened. But it didn't. LA was keeping Kobe. And putting Kobe with a wing as talented as CP3 is scary to think about. But nowhere near as terrifying as the thought of Gasol having a pick and roll teammate that actually knew how to pass. So I was elated. Overjoyed to see that LA was blowing up the core and keeping Kobe. Overjoyed.

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In the wake of the good news that the season will in fact begin in 2011 the league took a moment to pause. And then, when the realization dawned, the league shuddered. Because this season, a shortened season, will force them to face the full wrath of the Celtics. The Celtics are old, many pundits will remind us. The Miami Heat have Lebron James and Dwayne Wade, they will say over and over. The Lakers are dominant beasts who are incapable of losing. But the league will know better.

The league still remembers with dread. Of the terrors these Celtics unleashed in years passed. In the season before when even the injured and damaged Celtics were able to bring havoc to every team they faced. When they went 7 games without Garnett against the Magic. When they played to game 7 against the Lakers and watched the Zebras run off with the title. They remember the looks from their faces. They remember when Rondo's arm bent backwards. And they'll never forget how he came back. The league knows, the Celtics are coming.

The Knicks, first excited to hear the season would begin, now distraught, realizing their first contest will be the Celtics first game. A shortened season. Closer to the playoffs, tighter races. Every win more valuable than it had been last year. And the Knicks know an undefeated season starts with one game. And the Celtics, you can feel the focus from a thousand miles away. One game at a time. With all the subtlety of a wrecking ball wrapped in dump trucks.

Ready or not, here they come.

Yes, okay, I'm the new kid on the block relatively speaking. And I've been basically quiet since the cup games. But still.  Don't panic.  In a team sport, average margin of victory is usually the best indicator of how good or how bad a team actually is. It is also a good indicator of how lucky a team is.  So the next time you're debating with someone about what teams are good, which ones are bad, which ones are for real and which ones have been lucky. Just take a quick buzz through goals for and goals against.  Goals for, minus goals against, divided by number of games.  Here's why.

A team that, on average, gives up more goals than it scores should have a losing record. A team that scores about as many as it allows, should be about .500. And a team that scores more than allowed should have a winning record. So for example, Toronto, really should be about .500.  Yes they've been playing well.  Yes they have talent. But it's likely that they've also been pretty lucky, because otherwise they would be closer to .500.  Meanwhile, Washington, Pittsburgh and Philly are all for real. 

Boston's record is only marginally worse than Ottawas. But if you look at how the two teams have actually played, the Bruins have been much better. In fact it'd be fairly difficult to argue that any team was worse than ottawa right now. I mean okay, the Blue Jackets are probably that bad, but that's about it. 

Essentially what I'm saying is, that we don't need to panic. The Bruins have had some unlucky bounces, in aggregate, as compared to other teams. And the teams in front of Boston have been "lucky" in essence to have squeaked the wins they have. As the season progresses everything will continue to gradually approach the mean. Boston will climb. Toronto will fall. Ottawa will drop like a potato with feathers glued to it after being thrown out a window. And the B's will be peaking just in time to beat their way through the playoffs to another cup hoisting. 

Don't panic. Trust in math if you can. And if not, trust in Timmy, he's more or less as certain as math anyway.

I'm actually glad for this. It seems strange to say it. But truthfully I am. People have already talked about the people they blame or the people they want blamed. And I understand the anger. But it just isn't in me. I'm not angry. Not really. I skipped that stage of grief and went right to dealing with the sadness. And I found, truthfully, that I'm glad to have the misery. 

See, the misery reminds me that I care. It reminds me that a world series, or even the playoffs, comes through struggle. That it isn't easy. That loving the team and rooting for the team and enjoying the team are all privileges. I got to see the Sox come storming back in '04, down 3 games in the ALCS to knock the Yankees out of the playoffs and then steamroll the rest of the way. I got to see an even better team in '07 take a similar path. And have it taste just as sweet. But the high of that high. The joy of that memory came from the contrast of remembering '86. The joy came from remembering the low after Aaron friggin Boone. So I'll take this misery, so the next world series I can say, "I was there in '11, I was there on Black Wednesday, I let 'em break my heart then because I knew they'd make it up to me."

I won't pretend that I'd rather have the misery than the joy of the playoffs or the elation of a world series. I won't pretend I'm glad the Sox fell apart like an old Datsun. But I'm not going to blame any one person for a pile of losses that were such a mix of bad luck, bad breaks, bad decisions, bad injuries, and bad timing. A stumble like this came from so many places there's no point in railing against a person. Bad things happen. And this year, they happened in September. Although really, if we're honest, the bad things started before. All the way to the beginning of the year. The bad things were coming in slow back then, one player at a time. Little enough we didn't see it, didn't think about it. But the injuries started before September.

Fans, I won't tell you how to grieve. That's a personal choice. But I'd urge you, in some small way, if you can. Be glad for the misery. Take some pride in knowing that it means you're an actual fan. Be angry if you must. And if you must level that anger at whatever baseball gods saw fit to smite the Sox. Don't blame the team. They tried. They cared. It was personal for them. It wasn't just business. It wasn't just a game. It mattered. 

To any Sox that read this (arrogant of me to assume, I know), thank you. I know you tried. I know you cared. And I know it was even more personal to you than it was to me. And any fan that asks more than that, isn't a fan.

Or
Black Wednesday (At least that's what they'll call it in Vancouver)

Either way, like I've said, this is the best year I've ever had.  And after the game I'm going to be sad, no matter what. Sad to see the game gone for the summer. There really isn't anything like the real thing. The offseason, to recycle a joke I used elsewhere, is like trying to fight a cigarette addiction by rolling up paper napkins and breathing through them. I wish it could go on. This seems like a series that ought to be best of 23 instead of 7.  Hell let's just have them keep playing until next season gets ready to start. But they can't. It'd be bad for hockey, or something.

I've made my preparations for tomorrow. To mourn the end of the season. And hopefully to celebrate the Cup (as previously predicted 29-0). I'm not a beer guy. It's not my thing. I've tried good beers, bad beers, and all kinds of stuff in between. And I just don't like it.  Don't know what I'll be drinking instead, but I'll share with anyone that wants to pop by.

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Let me begin by saying I was inspired to write this by a Nucks fan posting on the Bruins blog. I wanted to present an outside opinion honestly and directly. That was polite, calm and founded on reality. I wanted to state my opinion, prepared to take some heat for representing the wrong team in the wrong place, and not over-react to that heat. I'm also hoping that I can get some of you to laugh with some good natured fan driven hyperbole.

I am not a troll (usually a very good indication that someone is a troll, I realize that).  I very honestly am not. But I am a Bruins fan.  I have been a Bruins fan since I was old enough to understand what was going on in a hockey game.  It was back in the days in the twilight of Neely's career. When it was truly apparent how great he had been. You'd get little glimpses of the greatness, but with the understanding that the great nights weren't going to outnumber the not great nights. I was raised on the old stories. My Grandfather's old truck carried the faded bumpersticker all the way to the junkyard (Jesus saves and Esposito scores on the rebound). But in terms of the great times I've experienced as a Bruins fan. Well, there just isn't that much for me. I remember how excited I was when we drafted big Joe Thorton. I remember the GAS line with little Sergei Samsonov who couldn't defense his way out of a wet paper bag. They were fun to watch and man could they fill the net. 

But before this year.  The best time I ever had as a Bruins fan, was watching Ry Bourque skate with the cup wearing another team's jersey.  It was true elation getting to see him win it, hoist it, and skate with it. Old number 77.  One of the best Bruins ever. And the best one I've been fortunate enough to watch play. But it was a bittersweet kind of happy. Seeing him in the Ave's jersey. Knowing that Patrick Roy, the hated goalie of Montreal, had helped him get it. It was happy, mostly happy anyway.  But still the best I'd ever had.  Until this year.

No matter what happens in game 7, I want all of you to know, that this is the best year I've ever experienced as a Bruins fan.  So, Vancouver, no matter how things go in your building on Wednesday, thanks for the ride. I know you've had it rough too. I remember the year against the Rangers. I can still remember watching what Bure could do, to say he was fast seems inadequate.

I have rooted for Vancouver through the playoffs and through the season. I haven't watched them with the closeness that I've watched my Bruins. But I've pulled for them. I have been hoping that Sweet Lou could shrug off some of the criticisms he's carried since he was drafted. Really enjoy watching Kesler play. And Malhotra very quickly became my favorite Non-Bruin in the NHL.  I won't pretend I'm rooting for Vancouver in game 7.  But even if Wednesday delivers another 1-0 loss for my B's, it's the best year I've ever had. And that's fun.

See, the last 4 years or so the Bruins have delivered plenty of heart breaks. And they always seemed to come in those soul crushing tight contests in a game 7. Some of them made that much more painful by being against Montreal. And this year, it seems like the puck is taking the lucky bounces towards Boston. I have to admit, in my life as a Bruins fan, I've become accustomed to the ferocious B's snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. So I have been so scared to hope in this series against Vancouver. Even now, thinking forward to game 7, my imagination is conjuring all the many ways that the Bruins might crush my hopes as they've done so many times before.

But underneath the fear and the pessimism is that warm glow of hope. That 6 year old that cheers in the face of opposition. The unrestrained enthusiasm blind to the possibility of anything but success.  I left my feet more times than I could count in game 6. Made enough noise through the 2nd period that my neighbors on both sides knocked their complaint. By the third my neighbor above did the same. And that's when I decided to write this, rather than suffer the wrath of the condo association.

I've only been here once before. To weigh in my opinion on the Rome suspension (which, for the record, I thought was bull drek).  I know I have an odd sense of humor. And I know tone is very hard to interpret over the internet. So I hope I carried myself respectfully enough to avoid making enemies. But I am here, respectfully, to make my prediction for game 7. And hopefully to hear any predictions you may care to share for game 7.

With the joy of that young Bruins fan I once was. The one that hadn't tasted disappointment so many times as to forget the flavor of hope. I want to officially predict the outcome of game 7. A day that I believe will be forever remembered in Vancouver as Black Wednesday*. Final score 29 to 0 (three of the goals will be own goals by Burrows who will get so turned around in the chaos of the Bruins assault that he'll bang a hat trick past Rask**).  I firmly believe the game will be called at the end of the 2nd period. Primarily to prevent any deaths from tv viewers due to overexposure to awesomeness***.  And after seeing the true power of the Bruins unleashed in those 40 minutes the entire NHL will need a diaper change.

*As in "No son, I still remember exactly where I was on Black Wednesday" or "Thursday was horrible I couldn't get a latte anywhere, everyone was closed in the aftermath of Black Wednesday."

**After both Luongo and Schneider give up a baker's dozen to the Bruins in the first period, the Bruins bench will agree to lend the Canucks Tuukka. Tuukka will happily agree because it gets boring being Timmy's back up.

***In the middle of the 2nd period at least three people in the arena will have been found suffering from symptoms. Two members of the Canucks will also report symptoms but will be found to be faking those injuries in an attempt to draw penalties.

This is entirely and completely intended to be entertaining. I'm not trying to insult any of you as fans or anyone on the team. Vancouver did a lot to earn being here, just like Boston did. I just thought this might be a fun way to pass the time between now and Wednesday. Because I know we all want to talk hockey. And as much as we all want to see our team skate with the cup. None of us, really want the season to end. We want the boys to keep playing. We want the teams to keep skating. We don't want to have to take 3 months off. 3 months without hockey. It's hard enough here where I live. This is the only time of the year I actually get to see the Bruins. The rest of the season I'm stuck with highlight reels, youtube clips, and box scores. Which is kind of like trying to fight a cigarette addiction by rolling paper napkins into tubes and breathing through them.

If it's decided that this is too trolly, or that I've crossed a line, I'll leave without needing a ban. I'm not here to be a jerk, just trying to make a few people laugh. And make the next few days last with some real flavor. One way or the other, at the end of the game on Wednesday, I'm gonna be a little sad, just to see the season end.

This has been a fun year. No matter what happens in game 7, this has been the best year I've ever enjoyed watching hockey.  I'm new to this blog and I hope my occasionally unique sense of humor hasn't earned me any enemies yet. New here, but not new to the Bruins. I have been a Bruins fan since I was old enough to understand what was going on in a hockey game.  It was back in the days in the twilight of Neely's career. When it was truly apparent how great he had been. You'd get little glimpses of the greatness, but with the understanding that the great nights weren't going to outnumber the not great nights.

I was raised on the old stories. My Grandfather's old truck carried the faded bumpersticker all the way to the junkyard (Jesus saves and Esposito scores on the rebound).  But in terms of what I've actually experienced as a Bruins fan, I haven't had that many electrifying years. I remember how excited I was when we drafted big Joe Thorton. I remember the GAS line with little Sergei Samsonov who couldn't defense his way out of a wet paper bag. They were fun to watch and man could they fill the net. I remember the last series in the Garden. I was young. Hadn't physically experienced the garden or any of the amazing things that had happened inside. But I remember being crushed at the thought that all those memories would get bulldozed. Things I'd never seen, but had heard over and over through the years.

The only time I ever got to see the Bruins in person wasn't even in Boston. My uncle got us tickets to see the Bruins and the Whalers one year when we came up to visit. Live hockey is the greatest sports experience in the world. I got to see Bourque score one of his goals.  It seemed like it happened once a game. Face off in the other teams zone. Puck gets won back to Bourque. He fires it before you even realize it was on his stick. And the lamp lights while the Goalie's sitting there looking from side to side like "what went wrong?"  And I remember the play like i was yesterday.  I was like 11.  But I remember it.  Because as soon as I saw Bourque skate into position, I leaned over to my Dad and said "Just watch, they're gonna win it back to Bourque and he's gonna score." And my Dad laughed and said "We'll see."  Five seconds later we were all standing cheering and my Dad kept telling my Uncle that I had made it happen.  But that's my 2nd favorite memory before this year.

Before this year. The best time I ever had as a Bruins fan, was watching Ray Bourque skate with the cup wearing another team's jersey.  It was true elation getting to see him win it, hoist it, and skate with it. Old number 77.  One of the best Bruins ever. And the best one I've been fortunate enough to watch play. But it was a bittersweet kind of happy. Seeing him in the Ave's jersey. Knowing that Patrick Roy, the hated goalie of Montreal, had helped him get it. It was happy, mostly happy anyway.  I was glad he got one before he hung up his skates.The best, until this year.

But this year. This year has been amazing. And it trumps them both.

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I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day that I felt like sharing.  Basically, it's a game, a competition almost.  Come up with an exchange of two players, that neither team would ever imagine trading (or that one of the two teams would never imagine trading).  He originally posited an idea, so outlandish, that it took me a bit to deal with the shock.  But after I regained consciousness I thought it was a pretty good idea . . . although that might have been the medication.

Disclaimer:  My friend is a basketball fan and not a Celtics fan, also, none of these trade ideas are actually serious.

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Originally titled:  My Horrific Sufferings, Wonderful Love, and Terrible Hatred.

If you are under the age of 12, don't read this post.

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Dear Melo,

These are challenging times for you I know.  You don't like Denver. Or at least you don't like the Nuggets ownership.  The fans seem pretty cool, and I'm sure the weather and stuff is generally nice.  But anyway, the world knows you're despondent there.  And you want the Knicks, which I get, New York is a big market and you'd be starting right away.  But I want to talk to you about another city, another opportunity for you, that you may not have thought about it.  All the trade talk right now doesn't help you. You'd have to go wherever Denver sends you.  You'd be much much better off waiting for the offseason so you can go wherever you want to go. So you can play with the team you want to play with.  Because you've already made a lot of money, and one of the things you're missing is rings.

I could spend time disparaging the Knicks, because come on, they're the Knicks.  They've made great strides this year. Great ones.  And with Amare and Felton they're going to be very good going forward. However, before you begin to think about how great a Mike D'Antoni offense with you as the centerpiece would look on tv. And before you imagine playing with Amare for a half decade. I want to point this out.  Your team will probably do well in the regular season because this is still the eastern conference (there is no shame in finishing 2nd in the division the Celtics). And your team will likely make the playoffs because, this is still the eastern conference (just like there is no shame in getting bounced from the playoffs by the Celtics). But, D'Antoni has never been able to win more than the regular season with his offensive system partially because his defensive system was continually “Just go try guys and then run back really fast and score again.” And while this woks well in the regular season because you can take strong advantage of weak teams, it does not generally work well in the playoffs because late round playoff teams are almost always very very good defensive teams.  I'm not going to remind you of all that because it doesn't make my suggestion look better if I tear down your dream of Madison Square Garden.

I know the Nets don't sound like a great option.  And for the most part, that's because they aren't.  It's not that the Nets have bad players.  The Nets have a lot of gifted players who give great effort. It's just that apart from Lopez the Nets are not blessed with starters.  The second best shooter on their team just got traded to them off of LA's bench.  Is that what you want your near future to be? First round rookies and guys that weren't good enough to start on their old team?  I'm sorry, I'm doing it again. None of this is going to make my suggestion any more attractive than it already is.  I've just been thinking about what would be best for you and you sir deserve better than the Nets, New Jersey or Brooklyn. 

Other teams will certainly be talking to you. Chicago perhaps.  Or maybe the Clippers.  All the poor teams that did their level best to woo Lebron last year will take a crack at you. Like you're the door prize at a cake walk.  Teams that are missing more than one piece will chase you, convinced you're the solution, because to be fair--you count as two pieces at least.  LA weather is hard to argue with. And you'd get the chance to try to steal Kobe's town right from under him. Because lets be honest, Kobe isn't exactly a likeable guy.  And if anyone in the league could do it you could buddy.

But stay with me for a moment. I promise you it will turn out to be worth your time. Play in Boston. I know that Boston hasn't exactly been wooing you. We didn't have anyone call you, like Amare and the Knicks.  But Boston can offer you two things that no one else in the League can. To play the remainder of your career with Kendrick Perkins and Rajon Rondo. In less than 5 years Peirce, Allen and Garnett will have retired. But Rondo and Perk are both very young and will have plenty of basketball in them beyond that time.  Here's the thing. If you join Boston's rotation. Between now and when the Current Big Three retire you will be playing on the best basketball team of the salary cap era. And more to the point will win every title there is to be won in that time. And then, they will step down. Play golf on their weekends and champion international charities. And there you'll be, 5 consecutive titles in your pocket already. And then between you Rondo and Perkins begins the era of the Biggest Three. I don't see any reason that you wouldn't be able to retire with more than a dozen rings. With the longest streak of consecutive titles. The league would probably even try to change the structure of play in order to balance things out. But short of separating the Biggest Three with bullets, machetes, or exile, it wouldn't matter. Then you could retire as the single greatest champion that any sport has ever seen. It is possible that Rondo and Perkins would have one or two more rings than you, but the thing is, no one would be able to talk about their rings without talking about you.

This is an incredibly unique and powerful opportunity not only to be remembered as one of the greats, but the chance to be remembered as the Greatest of All Time. We'd probably start calling you The GOAT before you retired. We'd go to games in your t-shirts. We would cheer at every dunk. Laud you in a way that no basketball town could. And then your number can go in the rafters in the arena that only hangs championship banners.

Just imagine next year. Against certain teams we could slide you in at the 4, move KG to 5 and you and the Captain could take turns making the opposing defense look like amateurs. Against other line ups we slide Ray “I'm so good I don't need a nickname” Allen out and put The Truth (I”m so good I have many nicknames) in his stead with you at the 3. And abuse teams with our combined size and quickness. You know what it felt like knowing that you had to guard Pierce. Now imagine the next best defender on your team having to think those thoughts because the best defender is going to be tied up trying to stop you. Think how much easier it's going to be with a gifted passer getting you the ball in locations where you can do what you want, what you're best at, and not having to create the offense for yourself. Imagine. Not just the best of this generation. Not the best that hasn't won a title. Not, one of the best there's been. But The Greatest Of All Time.

Sincerely,

A martial artist that is also a Celtics fan.

I don't know if any of you noticed this.  But the Boston Celtics have now lost 2 games in a row. TWO!!!!  If this were any usual NBA year I'd say it's time to wipe it up, sell off our expirings and get some value for next year.  But fortunately, at the moment, the East is pretty bad. So I think Boston has a pretty good shot to sneak into the playoffs. So long as they can get this losing streak turned around. Fortunately we have a good 10 to 14 game cushion to get into the playoffs right now.  So I think, since some sub .500 team is going to make it to the playoffs, Boston at least has a punchers chance to make some noise.  And if they make some of the moves I'm suggesting I think we'll be able to contend for a title.

Obviously some things will need to change.  BBD needs to go for draft picks or for a solid 3.  And he needs to go because he's dragging the ship down, but we need a mid level first rounder for him because he's a good candidate for 6th man of the year.  And my logic is in no way contradictory and any suggestion to the contrary will be met with flaming, over-reaction and the closest thing to a personal attack I can get away with without being banned.  

Second thing. We need a PG that can hit a mid range jumper, a 3, set dishes like Stockton, Dream Shake a defender out of his shoes, defend the primary ball handler on the other team as an upgrade to Nasty Nate.  So I think we're looking at a moderate list of folks good enough to back up Rondo.  Williams and CP3 are obviously on the list.  And Derrick Rose would be serviceable.  But getting any player other than those to replace Nate would be a further waste of the season and no amount of reason, statistics, salary cap explanations, or reality can dissuade me from this.  

Shaq and JO are old, broken down, and moments from death at any possible second they play in the green and white.  Never mind all those alley-oops that Shaq got at the beginning of the season.  And forget that JO is going to be the 3rd string center once Perkinstein's monster is back.  They both have to go.  And really, Perk does too.  This is like literally 3 seasons where he's had some kind of injury where he missed more than a game.  We need to ship him off for a proven comodity, like Dwight Howard.  That guy would look awesome in green.  And even though he has an unrefined post game that I would come to complain about night in and night out, he's a big name center with lots of promise so I'm going to throw his name out there because it obviously makes sense.

All of the above was a grossly exaggerated parody. I'm not choosing to target anyone specific so if you feel like I'm calling you out, please know that it's not my intention. I'm just trying to give folks a laugh.  Because the thing is, this team, once healthy, is the best team in the NBA.  And I honestly don't think it's even close.  I've watched them create matchup nightmares over and over again.  I've watched Ray "I'm so good I don't need a nickname" Allen shoot the life out of the opposition. Watched Rondo set personal bests in all kinds of categories while improving himself as a PG and an offensive facilitator.  I've watched KG act like he's fully recovered from the knee surgery (which gives me chills at times).  And I've watched Shaq and JO show flashes of the excellence that had made them all stars. And I've seen the Captain doing his thing, Mr. Reliable, The Truth, The Bad Man (as in the cries of his defender "Mommy make The Bad Man stop!").  And then I've watched the pure joy that Nate brings every game.  He's not just excited for his teammates, he is elated beyond explanation and I love that he gets more pumped than I do over electric plays.  I love how Quisy is coming into his place and serving a great purpose for his skills set.  I love how Baby is filling in admirably at the 4 despite the fact that he doesn't have the body type to really really start at that position.  And Gody has gotten his chance to have a good night and the shots have finally started falling for a young man that's obviously working very hard.  And I'm happy for Von Wafer, who has had so much controversy swirl around him through his career and so much talk about him on this blog and other fan sites.  He's never gonna be a starter at the 2.  But he's as good a wing coming off the bench as anybody in the league, and once West gets back that means Boston is that much deeper.  The power in this lineup with these players isn't something any team in the NBA can compare to, at all.  Watching Boston is like watching silk in water. It's so rare and so amazing, and so effortlessly smooth on the great nights that I don't want to take it for granted.

I've rooted for that team that sucks night in and night out. I've watched the team that was almost, but not quite good enough. And I stuck with that team, lived for the ESPN highlight worthy plays or the all star recognitions.  Because when the playoffs aren't a hope.  Or when the playoffs will happen so the team can be first round fodder it's hard to be excited about anything championshippy or playoffy.  But this team is more than just a playoff team.  This team is a title team.  And that is such a fun thing to witness.  It's such a fun thing to be excited about.  And I'm disappointed by losses.  But there is no perfect season. There are going to be times when shots aren't falling and there are going to be times when the effort isn't there. There are going to be times when the other team works harder or is luckier. But I feel like a jerk when I complain about it, because how much would the Nets love to have Boston's problems right now.  Or the Kings. Or the Knicks. Or anyone in the league that isn't Miami or San Antonio.  Because right now everyone else is in our rear view. And Boston has significant injuries to starters that its coping with.

And for the record.  I hope like hell that Baby has a game in this playoffs where he is just unreal with the jump shot.  He won't have many/any rebounds or blocks. But he'll have probably 2 charges taken. And shoot like 60% from the floor.  And all the haters will smile and cheer for him and be glad, maybe for the first time, that he was a Celtic. Because I think the guy has worked hard enough to earn it. 

I read with some disappointment the negative fan reactions to Paul Pierce after the Knicks game. I saw words like classless.  I saw unsportsmanlike. I saw a lot of reactions that I didn't agree with. And I felt strongly enough, albeit after the fact, to write this out.  Basketball is not Baseball. It is not a game of individual events where jobs are so separated and specialized. These Celtics are not the Patriots who say little when they lose and less when they win.  Doc does not love it, to be sure. That element of the game is something behind him now, something the younger men do, it looks like posturing and bravado. And maybe it is.  Because Doc doesn't want to lose focus. Doc wants to maintain the objective, the general, the strategist, the mind.  He doesn't want one player or one players actions to be bigger than the team.

But in my eyes everything Pierce has done and said is all about the team. His pride in his team and his confidence that he and his teammates are the best there is.  Posturing and bravado are the acts of the weak that think they are strong.  Paul Pierce grinning at the New York crowd had nothing to do with trying to hide his weakness. It was not the act of an insecure bully trying to convince everyone he's tough. It was the action of a warrior proud of himself and the men that had stood beside him in battle. And I'm okay with that.

Continue reading this post »

Decided to give my 2 cents in a rare serious post.

A lot has been made of late of Rondo's foot and hammy injury. A little less so in the light of a couple of very strong wins. But still the discussion is there.  The story as to why Rondo didn't dress against the Nets is that Rondo came to Doc and said "Doc, I can't play."

I'm betting that what actually happened went something like this:

Doc: How you feelin Rajon.

Rajon:  I'm sore, but it's all right.

Doc:  Okay, that's good, thing is, this is the Nets. I can't say to the press that we didn't need you to play for us to beat the Nets, because that wouldn't be nice.

Rajon: Not very sportsmanlike coach.

Doc:  That's right. So what I need you to tell me is that you're too sore to play all right.

Rajon:  But I'm all right, I can play.

Doc:  It's the Nets.

Rajon: That's what you said about the Raptors a couple weeks ago though.

Doc:  I know I did, I know I did, but we got them back in the second game.

Rajon:  I mean I like the new kid, but he hasn't gotten to practice a lot.

Doc:  Did I mention we're playing the Nets.

Rajon:  And Delonte just got his wrist fixed, I mean he can't even hit buttons on his phone.  I don't know how he's getting texts to Lebron's mom.

Doc:  I know there are injuries and I'm worried about them, especially after last year. That's why I want to give you some time to rest that leg so you can be at full speed when we play the Lakers.

Rajon:  All right coach, if that's what you want.

Doc:  Good man (slaps Rondo on the back)

1 hour later

Doc to press:  Rondo came to me just a little while ago and let me know that he wouldn't be able to play tonight. I told him I was worried, he's one of the guys that makes our ball club go. And we've got a lot of respect for the Nets, they're a really good ball club. But the most important thing is that he be healthy in the playoffs.

Okay, so not as serious as I had originally intended. But from looking at the games where Rondo has sat they've been games against weak clubs that don't have great point guards (with exception to Toronto, Calderon is very good and doesn't get enough notice. He's not an elite point guard, but he's definitely in that second traunche). All the games where Rondo has sat have been games where you could argue that Boston's bench would beat the other teams starters, or at least make it a close game. 

I have read a fair few comments regarding Bradley's lack of playing time, despite injuries to the position. And I've got a few opinions that you may or may not agree with.  Sprains take longer to fully recover, you have to keep from asking them to do too much while they're recovering, like sure you've got to walk around and keep it moving so it doesn't get tight, but you've got to be very careful about explosive movement because you'll set yourself back weeks if you're not careful.  Muscle injuries are tougher because muscle injuries come in more shapes and sizes. With a sprain ligaments tore, takes a while for that to get back.  Muscle injury it might be that it got over stretched, or over exherted so it gets fatigued faster or you've got more limited range of motion.  From the times when I've tweaked muscles, my experience has been once I get warmed up, I'm good as long as I don't get to cute.  But then once I cool it back down, that's it for the day, because once the muscle tightens up it just takes too long to get it loose again.  I really think that's what we're seeing with Rondo.  I may well be wrong. But that's what I'm seeing.  And a coach, organization or player would not be the one to say to the press that they felt they could rest that player because of the general weakness of the opposition.  I think that's why Rondo's original break was as long as it was. And I think that's why we didn't see him against the Nets (The Nets are much improved from last year, they really are, but they're still the Nets.)

The nice thing about averages in a large sample size is that they tend to be, well, average.  By that I mean that something like a free throw, where a player will have a large number in the course of a season, the average can be a useful number to use to gain a perspective on growth and change and so fourth.  Luck does not affect free throws in the same way that it affects other aspects of basketball or other sports.  For example, rebounding is influenced by luck.  It is not entirely dependent upon luck (there are all kinds of factors that adjust rebounds), but luck is a very real part of it.  Free throws meanwhile, and shooting in general, what you see is what you get.

A number of people on this blog have taken Rondo very harshly to task about his poor percentage shooting and his poor percentage shooting free throws.  And here's the thing about a players career average free throw shooting percentage.  Wherever it starts, generally it's only able to improve about 10 percentage points.  Some guys are shooters, some guys aren't.  Just like some people are flexible, and some people aren't.  So through effort and practice we can expect to seen Rondo touch 75%, or within a few points of that.  But he's never going to be an 80% free throw shooter, he's just not.  And I'm okay with that.  Compared to other guards he's a poor free throw shooter.  But, also compared to other guards he's a better than average on ball defender.  He's a better rebounder.  He's also a better passer.  The way the Celtics are constructed Rondo's strengths are all in the areas where the team needs them to be.  And on the other end of that his weaknesses are all in the areas where the team can absorb the problem.

Rondo doesn't need to be the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd option on the offense. The team is better when he isn't. The losses to the Lakers are a great deal more complex than Rondo's poor free throw shooting. I think you could take the following list and make a stronger case that any of these were the greater problem, or the combination of them, particularly in game 7: lack of offensive diversity (Paul Pierce ISOs work better against Ariza than Artest), uneven officiating, and Pau Gasol being absurdly good.  Rondo has the same offensive skill set at Tony Parker, except he's better at almost everything, and once upon a time Tony was included in the discussion of "Best Point Guard not named Steve Nash."  Yes, okay Tony was/is a better free throw shooter, but I'd argue (and based on statistics I'd be right) that Rondo's defensive contributions affect final scores more than Tony's superior free throw shooting percentage would. If I could snap my fingers and turn Rondo into CP3 would I? Absolutely.  But if Rondo comes into this year the exact same player he was last year, in my green tinted eyes, the Celtics are still the best team in the East.  And if Rondo comes back, even 4% higher in true shooting percentage, then the Celtics are the best team in the league, regardless of which sunglasses I'm wearing.

I know there are going to be a lot of people that disagree with my assessment of Rondo.  And that's fine.  I'm ready to defend this position with numbers and logic if need be.

I will apologize for my absence. It took me a little while to recover from the end of the post season. I found that I was irrationally irritable and had developed a violent visceral response to anything that had black and white stripes. Still working with my therapist to figure that one out. It's a mystery to me why whenever I see a picture of a Zebra I want to kick something. 

I am tempering my optimism for this coming season.  Miami is clearly improved. Chicago is still a match up problem as is Atlanta.  LA is still LA, which causes me pain to acknowledge.  And the Thunder are only getting better.

So it is with all that in mind that I present to you my prediction for the season.  I recognize that I'm a Homer so I started with what I thought in my gut was going to happen and took a step back from there.  Realized I was probably still a little bit over-optimistic, and took another step back.  Hopefully this will you will at least find this entertaining if you don't find it interesting.

The first game is an important one. It sets a tone in a way that no other game does. The first game is the first opportunity for each team to remain undefeated. The first game will be a challenge. Possibly the single most difficult game of the year. There will be the buzz leading in, the new super team of Miami impacting the Boston Celtics (a.k.a. The Greatest Franchise in the history of Competitive Sports).

D-wade, Lebron, Bosh, and the collected host of Heat players will march onto the hardwood like a concurring army. Proud, confident, ready to show the world through Boston's suffering that they are the best that is, and will be remembered as the best that's ever been. Every aspect of the pregame will reflect the excitement and electricity of this match up. Including the rivalry that has grown to exist between Lebron James and the Celtics. It will be pointed out that the Heat remain without a true center. That their point play will be a weakness. But all will be discarded behind the gushing praise of the talents of Lebron and Wade.  The pairing of superheroes like a Justice League. Miami already had The Flash, and now their championship aspirations hinge on Lebron being able to be Superman, or at least Aquaman. 

Finally, after agonizing hours of comentary and highlights (inumerable clips of superstar plays from Lebron or Wade hitting impossible shots or electrifying dunks against the Celtics, in games which they ultimately lost) the game will begin. The arena will be silent. Like a hush falling over a battle field immediately before gunshots fill the air with deafening fire. The soldiers in green will take their positions against their red jerseyed foes. Percules will scowl from the sideline (in a very nice suit), frustrated beyond what words could explain that some other player stood in his rightful place for tipoff. As the seconds tick down to Tip-off Perkins scowl will grow fiercer, the only remaining outlet for the chaotic rage contained in his soul.

The ball will go up and Boston's height advantage will be immediately apparent. The ball will be deflected towards the usually steady and patient hands of Ray "I'm so good I don't need a nickname" Allen. But it will bounce just off a fingertip in bizarre and horrible fashion. D-Wade will pounce without hesitation, collecting the ball and starting the break. And the entirety of Celtic nation will feel the pain of sinking hearts as Wade screams down the court. He will kick a pass to Lebron James, Superman, The King, The Finisher. He will slide deftly around KG's best effort at slowing him and leap towards the basket. He'll levitate through the air, carried by his own pride and incredible joy. This was the moment. The instant where he shows the world and the skeptics that he is indeed the greatest. The punctuation mark on the sentence "I am the superhero, not the sidekick." 

And in that instant when Celtics fans resigned themselves to another season of frustration, Shaq's mighty hand will intercede. With two fingers he will flick the ball from Lebron's grip into the waiting hands of KG, thus recording the first official Russell of the season (A Russell is the official stat for a block that goes to a teammate instead of going out of bounds). KG will fling a pass to Ray, already waiting on his spot. Ray will release a rainbow of a 3, so pure in its arc that the net is hardly disturbed as the ball passes through.

Lebron will look on in frustration. Shaq will console him first with a chuckle and then a pat on the back saying, "Come on man, you remember my favorite part of a block is watching the hope leave their eyes."

Lebron will demand the ball from Wade with his eyes as they set up their inbounds. Wade will oblige, he's the classy kind of teammate that will try to lift up a guy when his confidence has been affected. This time Lebron knows what to do, exploit Shaq's greatest weakness (second greatest if you account for free throws), they set up a pick and roll. But with a careful and clever twist. They position to prevent KG from being able to help. Lebron will get a completely free lane to the basket. Leap a second time. Launched off the ground by his own fury. And before his rage can convert into satisfaction, Percules will unleash the full power of his infamous scowl and reveal on television just what horrors his self control had previously been capable of containing.  The scowl will travel, disembodied across the arena, searing through the air like a flaming arrow. Sending the ball sailing from Lebron's hands, fortunately for Lebron he had the ball high enough of above his head that he was not decapitated in the process. Rondo will receive the rebound this time and bounce a pass cross court to the Captain, waiting patiently to release his own 3. 

Perkins will later be the first player in NBA history to record a double double (Russells and Assists) without logging any minutes in game.

Now, down 6, with only 8 seconds of game clock ticked by, Lebron will feel his frustration turn to sorrow. And Wade will step in, prepared to do his job as team Captain of the Heat. "It's all right man, we're still gonna win this. We're the super team remember? Justice League, this year is gonna be so awesome. Only way we can get beat is if we let them beat us. We won a gold medal. We have contracts with Nike and Gatorade and stuff. We're the best team the NBA has ever seen."

Lebron will nod his head "You're totally right man, I don't know what got into me, thanks dude, you're all class."

Two minutes of game time later Miami will call their first time out, now down by 26 without having taken a shot they will call for a change of offensive plan. And subsequent offense will run solely through D-Wade. The chants of "Side-Kick, Side-Kick, Side-Kick" will echo through the arena whenever Lebron touches the ball, because Celtics fans are nice, forgiving, and classy like that. Miami will manage to score 8 points in the first quarter, all free throws from Wade because of an unknown sub-clause to a rule in the NBA that guarding D-Wade closely constitutes a foul, even if you don't touch him or the ball. Kobe has the same thing, you guys remember.

The second quarter will be even more painful to watch than the first. The Heat will fail to register a single point and attempt only 1 shot. They will very nearly get 3 points because of a goaltending call, but review will fall in favor of Boston and KG will record it as a rebound, officially giving him a triple double on the game.

Rondo will stay relatively quiet through the first half, limiting himself to a respectable 27 assists and 15 steals. His first point won't come until the final Boston possession of the half where he will travel cross court in a blistering 1.8 seconds, scoring a layup, and drawing a foul on Bosh who was so confused on the play that he fouled Paul Pierce, KG, and Perkins (who was on the bench at the time) in the process of fouling Rondo. Meaning Bosh will sit out most of the 3rd quarter in foul trouble.  Officially ending the half at 126 to 8 in favor of Boston.

At halftime Doc will be livid.  "This is exactly what we were trying to avoid . . ." He will remind the team about hustle and good defense. And make sure that they realize that if they can't at least make it look fare the NBA brass will intercede and it'd be like last year all over again. Before he could finish his speech five men in black suits with dark sunglasses and NBA logo tie tacks will come into the locker room. They will force KG to change back into the 50 lb. sneakers he was wearing all of last year to slow him down. But, since he was now fully recovered from the knee surgery, 50 pounds was just not enough to contain his might.  At the start of the second half KG will manhandle a rebound away of Lebron, take one step away from the Heat basket and then leap. He will fly across the court on fiery wings of anger and hate, holding the ball above his head like Thor and his Hammer. Slamming the ball with such ferocity that it compromises the structural integrity of the arena, causing fans and other assembled civilians to flee like extras in a Godzilla movie. Thankfully no one was killed, but three people were severely injured, nearly trampled to death in the escaping mass.  And two people had to spend a month in ICU for overexposure to awesomeness.

The second and third string will play almost exactly half of the game and the score will make the match sound closer than it was, with the Celtics notching 356 points to Miami's 47. It will be debated for days as to whether or not it was okay of Doc to sit Paul Pierce only 5 points shy of 200 for the game. It will further be debated whether or not Boston should have played their back ups sooner. And after Boston's second unit thoroughly beat Miami's starters it will be further debated whether the Celtics second unit is actually the second best starting 5 in the league. 

The Boston Cletics will go on to set records for most consecutive wins, most consecutive home wins, most consecutive 300 point games, most consecutive shut outs, solve world hunger, walk on water, and participate in physics experiment for MIT where they test what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object (the Celtics Offense takes on the Celtics Defense).  In an unfortunate accident involving a Paul Pierce 3-point, 360 Windmill Tomahawk Dunk, the entire arena and facilities of the Charlotte Bobcats will be destroyed. Danny will arrange for the Bocats to play the remainder of their home games using Boston's arena. They will go on to win the final 32 games of their season due to soaking up second hand awesomeness.

A change will be made to the allstar game, and the allstars of both the East and West will face off against the Cletics. The popular debate will not be whether or not the collected all stars will be good enough to beat the Celtics, that would be silly.  The debate will be whether or not the Allstars will be able to be the first team to score more than 30 points on the Celtics. In the wake of the game--as the Allstars limped away, shamed and broken--and the rest of the week will be spent saying that a more interesting contest would have been having the Allstars play against the Celtics B-squad.  They still would have lost, but at least it would have been closer.

Percules will also stumble accidentally into a way of harnessing the power of his scowl to provide free electricity, but before he can develop a way to market it a petroleum company will purchase the rights to it and then cut funding to the project (it is rumored that the purchase included the oil company's CEO giving his own soul to Percules to eat like it was an after dinner mint, but that was largely dismissed as rumor). 

I'll save my playoff and MVP predictions for another day, before I get too carried away.

See the thing is, I do not believe that officiating was rigged.  I do believe that the officiating was horrifically bad. In basketball there exists no real way to do anything about it.  Because if you complain then it gets worse rather than better.  And if you exercise a little bit of frustration on the opponent then it gets a lot worse.  The thing I've always loved about hockey is that if you get a chippy penalty, like, lets say 2 minutes for slashing.  Then, when you get out, you got a nice rest and you get the opportunity to demonstrate to the officials what a slash actually is.  For which they will most likely give you a 4 minute major, or possibly an unsportsmanlike, but most likely not.  And every team has that one player that understands their role purely.  The player that doesn't need to be told that it is time for them to do their job.  Nothing even so clear as a nod, a wink, or some other nonsense like that.  Because this player only gets their number called when its time for them to do their job. 

This is the player who only takes a turn in the face off circle if they are going to right hook the player across from them as soon as the puck is dropped.  This is the player that is entirely clear of purpose.  Zen almost in simplicity.  I wish this simplicity of purpose existed in basketball.  I wish there was someone to send out to say to the refs, "That was a flagrant?  What he just did was a flagrant?  Wow, what's it like to live life that soft?"  and then proceed to hack someone hard enough that their legs telescope into their body. 

So after Baby went down concussed.  And when Quis got himself equally concussed.  And especially after the hard foul Howard dropped on Pierce.  I wish there could have been that guy, the dude with a scar and a barbed wire tattoo that jogs out onto the hard wood casually.  Wait, sorry, wasn't looking closely enough, that isn't a tattoo, his upper arm is wrapped with actual barbed wire.  Wow Mickey, that's impressive.  Because you know the guy would have a nickname like Mickey "One Glove" or Mickey "Knuckles" McFarlan.  And then first play, he rolls out and with one swat "at the ball" makes Howard forget where he is, or the alphabet.  And after the official tells him he's tossed, he throws up his arms in frustration and in the process causes the Zebra to fly across the hardwood partially injured and totally unconscious.  At home he would be cheered like a war hero.  On the road he has bottles thrown at him (but it's not like glass alone can harm Mickey). Every now and then a more intelligent fan might try a handgun, but Mickey's survived gunshots before.  Besides, the last guy that tried died of cardiac arrest just from the look Mickey gave him after the bullet bounced harmlessly off his neck.

Disclaimer:  this is only a Catharsis, I don't actually want any harm to come to Howard or any other Magic players.  And I honestly don't think that Howard's hard foul on Pierce was intentional.  I don't think the game was fixed or rigged, but the officiating was atrociously bad.  And I've got every faith that Pierce's foul on Reddick will be upgraded to a flagrant and very little faith that the T's Perk received will be changed.  I want to believe it, but I just doubt it.  I feel better for having written this.  Hopefully you also feel better having read it.

Or

A chance to go from goat to G.O.A.T.

Dear Lebron,

Now here's the thing. I know that you will be able to get as much money as you want this offseason. You will be able to choose where you play, and to a degree, who you play with. You can decide who your coach is. And even, for the most part, what number you wear.

I could spend this time talking about the Knicks and how, while the team has a lot of money they are generally light on talent. The nice part about having all that money is that they can afford to put you next to any talent that might happen to be for sale. However, before you begin to think about how great a Mike D'Antoni offense with you as the centerpiece would look on tv. And before you imagine playing with Chris Bosh/Carlos Boozer for a half decade. I want to point this out. When Garnett and Allen were added to the Celtics in 2008, there were already a number of players familiar with the system and coach. So Ray and Kevin were really the only new pieces. In New York you will be the new piece along with quite possibly the majority of the starters. Your team will probably do well in the regular season because this is still the eastern conference. And your team will likely make the playoffs because, this is still the eastern conference. But, D'Antoni has never been able to win more than the regular season with his offensive system partially because his defensive system was continually “Just go try guys and then run back really fast and score again.” And while this woks well in the regular season because you can take strong advantage of weak teams, it does not generally work well in the playoffs because late round playoff teams are almost always very very good defensive teams. I'm not going to waste your time with any of that information because the downside of your other options detracts from the idea of what I would humbly suggest to you.

Well, all right, that was kind of dirty pool. I apologize. I will not further resort to similar sleight of hand tricks, I respect you much more than that. I honestly think that when your career is concluded that you'll be considered the best ever or at least in the conversation with Bill and Wilt.

If you were to choose Chicago you will forever be in MJ's shadow. And I really think you can surpass him. But the reality is, if you play in Chicago, for many of the fans there it will always be debated. New Jersey. There are certainly some alluring qualities to the state of New Jersey. Especially given the Nets proximity to New York City. But the thing is. With New Jersey. There is no history there. No tradition of excellence. When you look up at their rafters there is no echoing proof of the winning tradition. You could make them relevant in a way they haven't been in a while. But even if you were to win 5 in a row there, people will say “Well yeah, but if Jordan hadn't left for Basketball he would have won 6.” In Miami they will only call you if they lose out on Dwade. The comparisons would begin immediately. And some people would never be satisfied, despite the fact that Wade only won the single title. You Mr. James are better than that. The Clippers provide a number of opportunities that are harder to disparage. They have Kaman, who is very gifted, and next year they'll be getting Blake Griffin back, provided all goes well. Plus you'll have the opportunity to take the city of LA away from Kobe. Plus, with LA come celebrities that I just can't begin to match.  But no matter where you go you will be playoff bound.  Because let's face it.  A JV middle school team from Latvia would make the NBA playoffs if you were on it, they just wouldn't win the title.

Stay with me for a moment. I promise you it will turn out to be worth your time. Play in Boston. I know that Boston has been tied to some extremely unpleasant defeats for you and that it would be very difficult to join them. And I'm sure it would present very strong social challenges with your relatives and friends.  Believe me when I say that writing this will most likely cause me a few social challenges amongst my peers.  But Boston can offer you two things that no one else in the League can. To play the remainder of your career with Kendrick Perkins and Rajon Rondo. In less than 5 years Peirce, Allen and Garnett will have retired. But Rondo and Perk are both very young and will have plenty of basketball in them beyond that time. Rondo is currently the best All-around point guard in the East. With Wiliams and Paul both listed ahead of him by most accounts. Here's the thing. If you join Boston's rotation. Between now and when the Current Big Three retire you will be playing on the best basketball team of the salary cap era. And more to the point will win every title there is to be won in that time. And then, they will step down. Play golf on their weekends and champion international charities. And there you'll be, 5 consecutive titles in your pocket already. And then between you Rondo and Perkins begins the era of the Biggest Three. I don't see any reason that you wouldn't be able to retire with more than a dozen rings. With the longest streak of consecutive titles. The league would probably even try to change the structure of play in order to balance things out.  Off the top of my head I think the easiest thing would be to allow the other teams to put an extra player on the floor so they could have a permanent double team on you.  But you'd still have them outnumbered so it'd be fine.  Short of separating the Biggest Three with bullets, machetes, or exile, it wouldn't matter. Then you could retire as the single greatest champion that any sport has ever seen. It is possible that Rondo and Perkins would have one or two more rings than you, but the thing is, no one would be able to talk about their rings without talking about you.

This is an incredibly unique and powerful opportunity not only to be remembered as one of the greats, but the chance to be remembered as the Greatest of All Time. We'd probably start calling you The GOAT before you retired. We'd go to games in your t-shirts. We would cheer at every dunk. Laud you in a way that no basketball town could. And then your number can go in the rafters in the arena that only hangs championship banners. We'd even forgive you for going to Sox games wearing a Yankees hat. This is not an acceptance we would be willing to make for anyone other than The GOAT.

Just imagine next year. Against certain teams we could slide you in at the 4, move KG to 5 and you and the Captain could take turns making the opposing defense look like amateurs. Against other line ups we slide Ray “I'm so good I don't need a nickname” Allen out and put The Truth (I”m so good I have many nicknames) in his stead with you at the 3. And abuse teams with our combined size and quickness. You have been the best on ball defender on your team for a while. You know what it felt like knowing that you had to guard Pierce. Now imagine the next best defender on your team having to think those thoughts because the best defender is going to be tied up trying to stop you.  You've got the legs and stamina to be on the floor with Rondo like minutes.  Kobe's scoring achievements would pale in comparison.  Think how much easier it's going to be with a gifted passer getting you the ball in locations where you can do what you want, what you're best at, and not having to create the offense for yourself. Imagine. Not just the best of this generation. Not the best that hasn't won a title. Not, one of the best there's been. But The Greatest Of All Time.

Sincerely,

A martial artist that is also a Celtics fan.

-He knows not his own strength who hath not met adversity.

This is one of my instructors favorite quotes.  And I think it was pretty telling the body language of Orlando in that first quarter and then the remainder of the game.  They did not know how to deal with adversity.  And since, as was pointed out in a recent article, Orlando was always a good adjustment team previously, that they still lost the 3rd quarter is very telling to me.  Boston's offense was "unlucky" tonight versus where we usually are.  We hit high degree of difficulty shots at a higher percentage than low degree of difficulty shots.  Which is weird.  If Boston's defense slips in game 2 but their offense improves by the same margin, we actually would be predicted to win by a higher margin.  Weird.  Anyway.

Stats that were said enough I remember them with frustration:

"Dwight Howard only missed 5 shots in that series against Atlanta"

Atlanta, as a few members of this blog have pointed out, does not have a true center.  They're like the Suns of a few years ago.  They've got a natural 4 trying to play 5.  And against some teams that works fine.  Against Howard, who's game is predicated on using his size, if he has a size advantage it just makes it easier.  He is not able to throw his weight around in the same manner against Boston who have 2 legitimate centers playing center.  He also benefited in the earlier series of getting to play against them with Bogut out.  As a side note they are going to be scary next year if Bogut stays healthy.  Dude has got game.

"This Orlando team actually set a record for 3 pointers made this season"

How many 3 pointers did they take in the process of getting all those makes?  What teams did they score the majority of them against?  Being in the East Orlando has the benefit of playing a much weaker comparative schedule than, for example, the Blazers or the Raptors.  To put it in football terms.  Throwing 2 touchdown passes against the Jets defense last year was actually a greater accomplishment than throwing 5 against the Titans.  So even though one number is higher than the other, the degree of difficulty is not comparable.   Cumulative stats are useful for certain things like predictions and so fourth.  But in terms of comparisons they are fundamentally useless because you're comparing apples to water buffalo.  Apples and Oranges at least you're comparing fruit.  If they wanted to talk about statistics adjusted to a certain number of possessions that's fine or any of the stats that adjust for degree of difficulty that's fine.  But beyond that having a record for most three point makes in a season is sort of like saying "and they're wearing new socks in the game today" to which you respond "well . . . um . . . that's nice?  Or something . . . "

Enjoyed the win hugely.  Looking forward to more and hoping they come.  I've only seen a few things go differently than I predicted in previous post, no reason for me to think this will be anything other than my prediction.

Let me start by saying that in the last decade, it has been mighty good to be a New England area sports fan.  I've seen 2 world series wins.  3 Suprbowl wins, plus an additional superbowl appearance, a perfect season.  Three no hitters, or 4, no wait, 5.  I've watched the Bruins become relevant in Hockey, and I've seen a "New" big Three win a title for the briefly mired Celtics.  And now I"ve watched them dethrone a King.  It has, I"ll say again, been good to be a New England sports fan of late.

But the thing that I learned during the not as good times was that Hope is, in fact, the enemy.  You see the thing that the sports gods love to watch is not the ascension to greatness, but the crushing loss of morale and hope that comes from a fall.  They revel in waiting, baiting you, trying to draw your confidence just enough that you'll nurture hope for them.  That you'll let your faith blossom from tiny seed into a beautiful delicate crystaline flower, made all the more amazing by the fragility with which it exists.  So that they can swoop in and shatter it to molecular pieces like a bully destroying a child's toy. 

And so I sit here, writing and torn between my head and my heart, as humanity is uniquely capable of.  My heart is swelling with joy and hope and confidence and elation because my team feels unbeatable, unstoppable, and other adjectives that start with "un".  By my head knows this feeling well.  It has experienced it before.  My head knows that down the road of hope lies the kind of misery that only a true fan is capable of experiencing.  And so it is with my head that I will deliver to you my reasonable and toned back prediction of how the series between my Mighty Celtics and the Magic of Orlando will go.  My realistic expectation.  Shared from my logic, my intuition and not from my hope.  I have learned all too many times what lies down that path.

So game 1 is in Orlando.  That's easily a 10 point bump in Orlando's points from what I would usually expect.  And Boston will probably get called for fouls more than they usually would.  I still expect the Celtics to win this game.  Orlando hasn't been resting.  They've been lazing, getting rusty, getting jumpy.  I know if I had to spend every day thinking about trying to defend against the Celtics I'd probably get the shakes, or just fake sick  So game 1 I'm expecting a lot less out of the Celtics.  I think Rondo will start slow, Orlando is better at defending slashers.  So I think he'll ease into things, get warmed up, get comfortable.  I'm expecting something on the order of 30 points, give or take a few.  Like 20 assists or there-abouts, you know, nothing gaudy.  And then an even dozen rebounds or so, because Orlando is a really good rebounding team.  Maybe 6 steals, maybe a quadruple double.  Then after game one is done he can settle down and really play well. 

I think KG will only play the first half.  No sense making it unreasonable.  Plus there's a 5 year old kid with bone cancer from the make a wish foundation and his dream is to play power forward for the Celtics in the playoffs.  And that will work out because the entire Orlando squad and their bench will be tangling with the giant pythons Percules (Kendrick Perkins a.k.a. The Beast) is using in place of his arms (because giant pythons are lighter, weaker, and generally less intimidating than his actual arms).  SO Cancer Kid (the nickname the fans give him for the game) will score like 30 points in the half where he subs in for The Big Ticket (Kevin Garnett). 

And poor Dwight Howard.  Perkins is gonna do such a number on his confidence I actually feel bad. By the third quarter he would have been stuffed so frequently and so harshly that he'll actually begin to believe that he's a turkey and then gobble uncontrollably whenever he gets possession of the ball.  In the fourth quarter he'll start getting a nervous tick and have to sit out briefly.  One of the assistant coaches will say to him "it's all right Dwight, you're doing great, just perk up a little bit" Then Dwight will run screaming to the locker room thinking that Perkins had followed him to the bench out of malice.  He'll call in "sick" for the remainder of the series, but hey, I can't blame him.

Ray "I'm so good I don't need a nickname" Allen will limit himself to 5 three-pointers a quarter.  And as a little homage to Leron shoot all his free throws left handed, because Ray is a classy guy.  I don't think Paul will play the first game.  The Captain could probably use a break after having to guard Lebron James for six games.  So let him chill on the sidlines, sport a fashionable suit and actually get to enjoy watching a basketball game.  Plus then guys like Scal will get a chance to actually play and Pierce is a team guy, he wants everyone to have as much fun as he's having.

Game two will be so terrible that none of it will be allowed to air on tv.  By game three only two actual members of the magic will be in the game.  The rest will be an assortment of towel boys, locker staff, and guys out of the broadcast booth that can stand up because every other member of the team will have "urgent family matters" to attend to "or horrific illness" that has them sidelined (referred to by the media as the Green Death, until a rumor begins about a magic player actually dieing from fear of the Celtics, although this would later to be proven to just be the career of every ESPN analyst that picked the Cavs to win over the Celtics).  Game 4 will be called at the half on account of awesomeness.  100 points in a quarter deemed unsportsmanlike, but legal.  And denying the other team a shot attempt for an entire half regarded as both bizarre and to quote a memeber of the media "kinda freaky"

As a side note, Kendrick Perkins will become considered for the Nobel Peace Prize for ending one of the longest running conflicts in history during the series.  In game 2 he will block a shot so harshly that it will cause the entire Korean peninsula to sink into the sea and thereby conclude the Korean war.

Then David Stern, in an attempt to maintain competitive balance in the sport and preserve the economy of the entire west coast of the United States will combine the Lakers and Suns into a single team to face off with the Celtics.  Changing the rules overnight to allow the LakerSuns to have twice as many players on the floor concurrently than normal and forcing the Celtics to play on a schedule alternating between Phoenix and LA and denying them any home games.  All of it will be for naught unfortunately.

In only two days all four games will have been concluded and only 3 members of the LakerSuns will be accounted for.  The rest will be reported missing, but presumed dead.  The final point of the fourth game will come from Paul Pierce, the Captain, The Truth lifting off from half court and raising the ball high over head.  He will sail across the court and obliterate the backboard and half the arena by unleashing a vicious tomahawk dunk.  The shockwave from the ball impacting the court, riding fiery wings of anger and hate, will cause California to break off from the United States and drift into the pacific, volcanic eruptions on Mars, and destroy the planetoid formerly known as Pluto, preventing it from ever being considered a planet again. 

Paul Pierce will go on to win the Nobel Peace Prize that year, beating out his teammate Perkins, because an initially unseen effect of the dunk was to shift the earth's orbit slightly away from the sun, thus offsetting the effects of global warming. 

The following year he will win the award again, because with the assistance of former Soviet Missile engineers they will devise a way of harnessing the power of a Paul Pierce dunk to power the entire world for a decade.  (Although an accident during testing will also result in the unfortunate death of all of the Realhousewives of New Jersey and put the Bronx underwater for almost half a century).

So there it is, I"m saying Celtics are champs in 8 games and then they raise banner 18. 

Can anyone tell me why Leon Powe is sitting Cleveland's bench?  I mean okay, he can't really play center, so I get him not going in for Shaq or Z.  But what I don't get is why on earth Sideshow and Jameson are on the depth chart ahead of him.  I mean the only reason Powe wasn't starting for us is because to my knowledge there's only one power forward that's ever been better than KG, or maybe two.  And Powe was stuck behind him.  I know you all remember how good Powe played when KG first went down last year before he went down as well.  I'm entirely at a loss.  I'm just hoping that Mike Brown doesn't figure this out.  Because I would love to keep seeing Verijao taking bad shots and committing stupid fouls.  

Seeing him in for the garbage time last night made my heart sad actually.  It's just not right.

All right.  So.  You've seen the movie "Lucky Number Slevin" right?  No?  Okay, if you haven't, you probably ought to, but I'm not here to judge you.  Anyway, if you've seen it, you know the song.  Kansas City Shuffle.  They look right, you move left.  Put me in mind of Rondo's dream shake from the other night. 

So my request, for anyone with the talent and technology (since I have neither).  Can we find someone, anyone, that can put together a little video of Rondo highlights to that song.

Simplistic, training wheels on version of keeping a score sheet at home.  Regardless of what your opinion is on the impact the officials have on the game, this will tell you a lot about many things.

Step 1:  Get any piece of a paper, write Boston at the top and underline it if you feel the need.

Step 2:  Enjoy the game, while you're enjoying it, every time that Boston loses possession when they shouldn't have.  For example, a ball is called out on Boston when it was a Cavs player that knocked it out.  Or if Pierce is called for an offensive foul when he didn't commit one.  etc.  In all these situations write down a minus sign on the paper.

Step 3:  While you are enjoying the game (or not enjoying depending on how things are going).  And while you're writing down minus signs.  Every time that Boston retains possession when they shouldn't have.  Or every time Boston gains possession when they shouldn't have.  Like a defensive foul that should have been called that wasn't.  Or if a Boston player with stone hands, like Ticket Stub, knocks the ball out of bounds and a Cleveland player with worse hands, like Shaq, is credited with it.  Write down a Plus.  

Step 4:  At the end of each quarter instead of listening to insipid TNT commentary, just go through really quick and figure out what the net plus minus is.  I used to just pair up pluses and minuses in opposite columns and cross them out in pairs.  Whatever is left is the call disparity.  Ideally it will be less than five.  If it's substantially more than 5 it means one of the teams is getting jobbed.  Although probably not intentionally.  

Step 4b:  if you feel like getting advanced you can differentiate between close calls, like could go either way kind of stuff, and obvious poor calls (like the travelling that James is allowed to do once or twice a game inexplicably).  You can also track 3 second violations if you want.  But half the time you'll be like " . . . 5 one thousand, 6 one thousand, 7 one . . . oh *expletive* it, this isn't worth the effort." This can also be enlightening.  Because you can sometimes see that refs are trying to "even up" the close calls and etc.  And other times it's possible that the officials are in dire need of optical correction.  

Officiating doesn't always matter.  I'm not posting this to get flamed.  And I'm not posting this to justify my position.  I don't feel any particular need to have my opinion validated, although it's always nice to get an ego fluffing.  I don't believe that the officiating is rigged, I simply believe that it is possible for it to have an impact on the game.  I don't believe that Stern informs the officials before the game what team he wants to win.  It's way too dangerous to do that.  Scandals are bad for ratings.

Leagues don't fix games via the officials.  They don't fix games at all. They influence games via rules changes.  Or by telling officials that they want specific rules more heavily enforced.  Think about Baseball.  Over the years they've changed the strike zone, the ball, the height of the mound, and all of that has affected the average numbers players are able to get.  Basketball isn't substantially different.  Remember the synthetic ball experiment? Or for that matter, the slam dunk, the three point line, the charge circle.  Rules changes are almost always going to move in the direction of helping the offensive player.  Because offense is good for ticket sales, tv ratings, and international marketing. 

The two most popular stars in the NBA are Kobe and Lebron, because by general consensus they are the two best players.  Non-NBA fans know about Lebron and Kobe, they don't know about Rondo.  NBA fans do.  But NBA fans are already going to watch, they've got you, they don't have to make an effort to keep you.  If they want the international market to continue to expand so they can make money off of TV contracts in China and Europe and etc they need to keep helping the offense, which means helping Lebron and Kobe by proxy.  In a salary cap league you don't market Teams, you market players, because the players become the identifiable winners.  Kobe scores 50! it doesn't matter if LA won or lost, it's the individual acomplishment that draws attention to the headline.  This isn't going to change because people aren't going to change.  This is also why blogs have become the place where Team Fans congregate because then news and opinion can be catered to them without changing or endangering the headlines that cater to casual fans of the sport in general.  The NBA is in a battle to stay in 3rd place of a four team race, rather than slipping into last.  And the NHL has made some interesting moves to help the NBA do that basically since the NHL dead year.  But Stern knows this.  He's a very savvy guy.  That's why, in Cleveland, when they asked him if he wanted Lebron to stay or go, he said "I want him to stay in Cleveland."  Then he gave a list of reasons why.  But what it comes down to is, it doesn't matter.  Wherever Lebron ends up he's going to be the most popular player internationally.  What Stern would like if it could happen is for The Cavs to play the Lakers so he can have headlines of Kobe vs. Lebron.  And additional headlines of Kobe vs. Shaq for when the newspapers are feeling like being different.  Anything else is fine.  They'll market it, people will watch it, and the NBA will make a lot of money.  Orlando vs. Lakers would be okay, but not as sexy because the Lakers won last year and both teams are fundamentally the same.  Celtics vs. Lakers was 2 years ago, it won't be something original and new again so that won't work.  The other teams out of the West aren't as easy to sell as the Lakers, so all those options are in tier 3.  Don't think like a fan.  The commercials and the headlines aren't for us.  They're for other people that weren't living and dieing by it the night before.  Like Twilight.  It's not for me.  It's not marketed to me.  That's the reality of professional sports.  You can like it or hate it, but that won't change what it is.  Kind of like politics, only fun to watch.