I am.  Last year it was kinda funny.  Ha ha.  The Giants suck.  So what if he was my favorite A since Ricky?  If his Metrodome Masterpeice was one of my all-time best sports moments (along with the US Olymplic Team's "Miracle on Ice" -- yeah -- I was a kid and had no idea about how ideological forces would twist this into something it wasn't -- UCLA over Gonzaga two March Madnesses ago -- three of those kids were students of mine, if you're wondering -- Baron F'ing Davis last year against the Mavs, Sammy White back in the day, Stew beating Clemens, etc, etc)?  He deserved it, you say? I don't care.  Clearly, you've been drinking Meyer lemon-gin martinis?  Ok -- fair enough.  But that curve, that beautiful curve -- striking out Vlad over and over.  Vlad who could hit anything out of the park?  Curses upon you, I say!  I'm mourning my sports hero.  He's dead.  You're almost forty gosh-derned years old, you say?  Well, so what?  You're stupid and ugly, and you don't care about half-assed Zen-inspired Zito quotes on the sports page.  He often said things that almost seemed brilliant.  It wasn't always, "I'm was trying to be too fine," as some of you Z-hatahs would have it.  Sometimes he said shit like, the leaves in the wind were of different colors, and that made me lose a little of the movement on my "fast"ball.  Ok.  He never said that,  But you know what I mean.  In any case, I'm mourning the death of FIZito.  Fare thee well.  May angels of mercy sing you to your incredibly rich sleep. 

You can't wipe this smile off my face, no siree Bob!  Cuz we live in the greatest nation in the history of smiles and bunnies and that makes everyone a winner in my book!  Where did I get this attitude from?  Happy Bob Geren, that's who, silly!  A little bird told me that the A's have been going through some frowny frump-frumps lately, but that doesn't keep Bobby (or 'Gare' as I call him) from his Bob Schuller/Norman Vincent Peale happity-joy-joys!  No, way, Jose!  See: here's what he told our valiant warriors after last night's effort:

"We're definitely looking up, fighting an upward battle right now, there's no doubt," manager Bob Geren said. "We had a nice talk today with the team, and everybody's really trying to push forward and climb out of it collectively. Some good signs tonight."

Continue reading this post »

I don't do the stats like the stat folks, I can't write an entirely objective sports analysis like Mychael Urban, but I can put together some funny-ass stuff.  I guess I'm a one-tool blogger (as opposed to the five-toolers, like sal, grover, bbg, oh god who am I forgetting?)...

In any case, let me sum up yesterday's game in 3 pictures:  

Continue reading this post »

The second in AN's continuing series for those of you just can't be bothered to read the entire DLD.  Think of it as a mix of Soap

Episode 85: Mary is drinking heavily. Jodie is stuck in a past life as an old Jewish man. A suicidal Chester finds Danny and Annie in bed and decides to kill them first. Sheriff Burt is ambushed. Jessica faces a firing squad.

and Cambridge Scientific Abstracts.  Yesterday's DLD Digest is here.

Poll

Is the DLD Digest a crucial part of your evening?

21%

No, it is a total and absolute waste of time. Get a frigging life.

11 votes

63%

FIRE LARRY DAVIS OUT OF A CANNON NOW!!!

33 votes

15%

Yes.

8 votes

52 votes | Poll has closed

Continue reading this post »

Do you ever have one of those days where you don't even have enough time to procrastinate (=read the entire DLD)?   Do you wish your could have Cate Blanchette read you the DLD aloud  while you sip a delicious beverage, preferably somewhere near clear water and blue skies?  Well, that sure as shootin' ain't gonna happen, but I've thought up the next best thing...or maybe the 567th next best thing: the DLD Digest, aka DLD for Dummies, DLD in a Nutshell -- you get the idea.  So without further ado, her is today's DLD Digest.

Poll

Has LAXile taken procrastination to a new level?

17%

Yes.

6 votes

11%

He's an amateur.

4 votes

26%

Who's gonna do the year-end DLD Digest summary?

9 votes

44%

FIRE LARRY DAVIS OUT OF A CANNON NOW!

15 votes

34 votes | Poll has closed

Continue reading this post »

Inspired by monkeyball's 'Slouching Toward Fremont,' here is another pointless pastiche of William Butler Yeats.  There original can be found here.  

(Please note the irony of the threat of global warming (that could submerge the future park) and said park's lack of public transportation (that could increase global warming).  Isn't irony fun!

Continue reading this post »

Bitching, kvetching, internecine snarking, and posting pix of a disgruntled Larry Davis are some of the ways that the A's faithful have expressed their befuddlement at the seemingly endless string of injuries this season.  But until now no one has offered a convincing argument about why so many players have gotten injured.  I have taken my own pet theory for a mental test-drive through the twisted and often washed-out highways of my mind, and I'm now ready to present it to the public in today's DLD.  

Continue reading this post »

I've read the voluminous comments posted on AN over the last few days about whether or not Garret Anderson should be considered a douchebag for not wearing #42 to honor Jackie Robinson, and I've decided that Garrett Anderson is, in fact, a douchebag.  

Poll

Is Garret Anderson a douchebag?

100%

Yes

80 votes

80 votes | Poll has closed

Continue reading this post »

I just wanted to see if anyone else is going to see the A's in Anaheim for the upcoming series.  I and Mrs. LAXile will be there on Saturday to see Haren vs. Lackey.  We'll be sitting in section T202, row D, and we'll probably also drop by the National Sports Bar (just down the street) beforehand for a few pre-game refreshments.  I thought I'd open a diary to see who's going and to make it easier for folks to meet up if they want to.  Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Die, Angels, Die.  Let's go, A's!

I hope to feel much lighter after I send this one down the pipe.  Speaking of German ostriches who had their libido scared out of them by firecracker-wielding punks, check out this cautionary tale about what not to do to large flightless birds named Gustav.

Continue reading this post »

Inspired by BarryZitoForever's  recent diary, I decided  to write my own Doors tribute to what is likely to be the end of an era.  Strangely, I didn't have to change much...

Continue reading this post »

I think everyone who attended the first of two AN Days: the Angelheim Edition, would agree that it was the best time we've ever had watching the A's lose. In the end, the score mattered less than our ability to drown out the surrounding Angels fans, and, oh yeah, the fact that the division is ours. TO THE CHAMPS! And we got to celebrate that in the 'Little A.' Of the 40,000 who supposedly bought tickets, I'd estimate that no more than 20-25,000 of them bothered to show up to see Slingblade pitch a gem (albeit against our A-/B+ team), and Tim Salmon get a chance to hit number 300.

Continue reading this post »

As I sit here burning with jealousy of all the folks who either live in the Bay Area and can easily get to the Coliseum for this Angels series, or those with the time and $ to fly or drive there, my mind starts to suspect those closest to me, and darkling thoughts crowd out reasonable ones...
Here's your chance to debunk the bizarre collection of AN CT's I've included below or to suggest some of your own CTs.

Was Harden's triumphant 3 inning return really filmed, like the 1969 moon landing, on a sound stage in Culver City? Are any ANers really trolls? (On AN, that is.)Is Blez really the Rev, as a few people have suggested?Am I, LAXile, HH spy and Rev-hater, really the Rev? Is Zito, 10-2 with a 3.06 ERA on the road, 6-7 with 4.80 at home, pitching so much better on the road to showcase his talents to possible future teams? Has Oaktoon been reincarnated, commenting in the guise of another logon? Whose?If someone were to cut Jered Weaver's Grizzly Man mullet, would he, like Sampson of old, lose his strength? Did E-Lo have a conversion experience in jail after his DUI, where Jesus (or Billy Beane in a Jesus costume) told him to lead the A's to the postseason promised land? Is Cindi real? Are the A's really moving to Willits? Is it a coincidence that the A's are 89-63 with a .666 RA on the very day that they are playing the Orange Angels of Ontario? Is the late, great Bill King really hiding out in a Mexican jail with Bruce Lee and Elvis, all three awaiting the A's return to the postseason?Is it really possible that anyone alive doesn't freaking love Bill King? (Not a conspiracy theory, really, just a question...)

The spurned shall have their revenge!

Continue reading this post »

Confessions of an HH spy.

Continue reading this post »