Straight outta Florida, str8 from his 10 day sick bed, it's a fat sign man, hell bent on putting the hell back up in this biznatch.

I'm a white boy, born and raised in a fairly rural area of Indiana.  So naturally, I'm a huge fan of old school rap music.

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While I sit here, sick out of my skull and yet still selling signs, I contemplate the futility of sports and the impotence in particular of my teams.  I love the Oakland A's, The Notre Dame Fighting Irish and the Cincinnati Bengals.

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Hello, and welcome to your daily link dump.  I am your host, Mr. Rourk.

Foreigner had it right.  I am hot-blooded.  Don't believe me?  Check it and see.  But if you close your eyes...

Some may call it foolish to start a game in Arlington at 4pm, mere hours from June.  I am not one of them.  This is simply because I am not in Texas.  But if I was, you can rest assured, I'd get the hell out of there quicker than I seem to be leaving Florida.

But, my friends, we have a rare treat today (spoken in my Ricardo Montalbán voice--BTW, check out that picture from Fiesta--es muy caliente!).  We have what the kids call a DOUBLE HEADER on the slab today/tonight!  Asked at 6pm last night, I'd have sworn up and down that I'd rather have a game then and a game today.  But today, fresh-faced and sober, and faced with the proposition of a FULL six hours of game AND game thread...well, let's just say we might be closing the sign shop early today.  The only problem for you non-NRAF folks is the games start at 2 pm...(New AN-User Helper Guide, Ver.2: per ANcillary Terms, NRAF = Non-Resident A's Fan, just be careful how you pronounce it around Poppy...I mean, if you were to ever see her again...)

A Google search of double headers reveal two things: one, there is entirely way too much inappropriate content online; two, this is the cleanest thing I could come up with, and it strikes me as possibly being a bad porno cover.

via rocketure.atomkinder.net

Noor really does bring the house down ,though.

Here's a good test to whether you're perverted or not.  Google has an option called "SafeSearch."  It's their default setting, and if you remove SafeSearch, eventually it will return (like a week or two, perhaps).  If you regularly get angry at Google for defaulting back to SafeSearch, you're probably a pervert.  Let's just say I had to go to page five to find Noor and Emma, and the first version of the pic was...less clothed.

DOUBLE HEADER, baby!  Woo!

In A's-related news, Mike Scioscia likes Kurt Suzuki.  I love SuSlu, but leading with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man might not entice your more sensitive readers to continue.  Still, it's a nice piece about our Hawaiian backstop.  Strangely enough, even with Google's SafeSearch off, this was the third image for "sensitive reader":

via www.mediabistro.com

Okay, enough frivolity.  We head into Tejas tonight for BBQ, a 25-minute version of La Grange, and two wins!  Let's get into trouble, baby.

Dump, monkeys, dump!

Okay, stop what you're doing cause I'm about to ruin the image and the style that you're used to.  I look funny.  But, yo, I'm making money, see?  So, yo, world, I hope you're ready for me.

First and foremost, this first link has nothing to do with baseball or the A's, but I have literally no one in my life with which to share this exciting news.  You guys for the most part won't dig it, either, but screw it.  You're a captive audience.  My favorite living author* just won the International Lifetime Achievement Booker Award.  Granted, the International Booker is only four years old, but it's still very prestigious and it means a lot to get this kind of recognition from her peers.  Congratulations to Alice Munro!  And if you haven't read her, and you like reading, go get something by her.  It's all short stories, so your interest doesn't have to be held too long, my ADD brethren.  (*note added: I've just realized Kundera's still alive and kicking, so let me say "one of my favorite living authors" instead.)

Speaking of higher literature, here's what I've recently ordered.  Full review to follow, but it is my sigline now...

Also, the A's, our A's, have won three straight!  And 67M went to the fricking game last night too!  So...things may be changing.  Perhaps the system's about to kick in.  Two or three days ago, Nico reminded me that had to go 2-8 to match our 2005 start.  Now 2005 ended poorly (and probably brought about the early end of Chavy's playing career), but it was a fun season.  Ultimately disappointing, but we were in contention right down to the end.  Comparison between 2005 and 2009.  The beginning of September, 2005...

More hope, Via SuSlu:

Rookie Andrew Bailey, the closer-apparent, pitched a perfect ninth inning and earned his second save. He struck out two and he leads the majors in strikeouts by a reliever with 37.

Kennedy appeared to come back down to Earth against a LHP in our W last night.  I think we've found an opening for the Unicorn upon his return...

SuSlu waxes on about Nomah.  This car was broken when we bought it, right?  And the fact that it keeps breaking down really shouldn't surprise us, right?

JoPo gives us frantic newscasters in BronBron's Big Shot a couple nights ago.

Rob Neyer brought up an interesting point the other day regarding baseball viewing.  Perhaps what might help those poor, poor fellows over at Fox is lifting the exclusivity rights they have for Saturday day baseball.  They've essentially eliminated Saturday day baseball in all but the biggest markets.  Here's a list of the Saturday baseball schedule for Fox.  Out of the possible 134 teams scheduled to be seen on Saturday afternoon, the A's are listed twice, both times as the third option.  Call me crazy, but if we're only represented 1/67th, I'm thinking we might not be alone.  I'm not willing to spend the time doing a pie chart of those listings, but if someone is, that would surely be an indictment as to why perhaps the majority of the country is shutting Fox off on Saturdays.

And, for those of you not in the know on our new LOOGY (like me), here.  (FYI, from ANcilary Terms, "LOOGY = Left-handed One Out Guy")

And here's a cool picture of Dallas Braden, from last year, when he was still sporting the 'fro.  Believe it or not, he's walking on air.

via farm2.static.flickr.com

And I want that sweatshirt.  On Tuesday evening, he was lights out, or, as Lynnzgal puts it, 100% Boom Dazzle.  (she was actually referring to Bailey, which makes much more sense...but I've already laid this whole thing out and can't be bothered to rearrange it...)

We may be coming up, y'all.  Mayhaps the obit was written prematurely.  Stay tuned.  Day game today.  Keep your brooms close.

Dump, monkeys!

Because of me ma (pronounced like Brad Pitt in Snatch), I got to miss the entirety of yesterday's not-so-fun game.  Nothing quite like having a team in for a series, take the first one and having aspirations of sweeping the series, then aspirations of winning the series, then have your hopes and dreams crushed, like a cigarette beneath the stiletto of the Russian spy-ess. 

Left-handers, SuSlu says, are the bane of the A's existence.  Regardless, I thank me ma for not having to watch that abomination of what most of us consider baseball.

Braden, yesterday's bright spot, apparently isn't broken.  Plus we earned the love of an 80's icon:

Everyone was amazed he stayed in today, including Toronto manager Cito Gaston who said, "That showed me something."

We've got the day off today and CANNOT lose.  I mean, unless Herr Selig declares a forfeit for past crimes, presumably RyRy being all jacked up on Jarlsburg.

(at this point, a confession: I've held my head in the sand regarding PEDs and have replaced all reports of anyone using PEDs with thoughts of them abusing massive quantities of cheese).

1.  A Google search of Manny Ramirez and cheese turns up this interesting story.   I recently spent a night at Chuck E's and must say that the gangster quotient was quite high for a kid's place.  But...gangster got kids too, so...I doubt that Bradenton is nearly as troublesome as the midwest versions...

2.  A search of Jason Giambi and cheese gives us this look at an eclectic collection of baseball cards, featuring Wade Boggs (whose number is retired here in "Tampa," though they play in St. Pete) sporting a killer porn stash and a pretty sweet shot of JG about to crush one.

3.  Interestingly enough, a search of Bobby Crosby and cheese produces just  this.

And just 'cause I'm addicted and can't stop listening.

If you haven't yet read Taj Adib's "Just a Few Gripes" post, it's worth it.  Feel free to disagree with him, but please tell him why...AND, he's got an interesting way of numbering.

Dump monkeys, dump!

If you haven't done it yet, wish Marquez67 a belated happy birthday.  He's older than me, so I can make fun of him for being so old.

I'm sitting here, staring at my wall.  On it, I've got magnets of the 2009 season, Jason Kendall, Marco Scutaro, Mark Kotsay, Bobby Crosby, Eric Chavez and Justin Duchscherer, though upon further inspection, it may be a very bad omen to be on my wall.  I've also got the wall calendar with Staplehead staring down at me.  i've also got the picture of OAS before we built Mt. Doom.

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I now have a JG poster that a certain someone sent me up there as well (ty, Lynn!).

Obviously, I'm insane in my fandom for the A's.  I'm not alone in that.  Most everyone here is just as nuts for the green and gold.  Listen, normal run-of-the-mill fans don't come to fan-based websites and start debates with people whom they have more in common with than their own family.

There's a lesson in there somewhere, I think.

Meanwhile, back at the farm...

I don't own this (but I bet one of you does), but I'd like to...A's hooptie!

via www.sadkids.com

I'm not positive (yes I am), but I think they're parked at BART, like a real fan does!

They may not be zombies (jury's still out on Crosby), but SuSlu thinks they may be vampires:

DAY TIME: Until Saturday, the A's had no reason to smile or give high-fives under the sun as they had not won during the day this season. They were one of only two teams to enter play 0-6 during the day, and their losing streak in day games was nine in a row dating back to last season. In those six day losses, the A's hit .162 with 16 runs, compared with .271 and 43 runs in nine night games.

Make my Buck the T-Buck,don't want my Buck stepped on.  Just saying.

Off Day today, travelling to Texas to visit our old friend, Wash.

Oh, and HANNAHAN!

Dump, AN monkeys, dump.

Listen, you AN monkeys, I dunno who the hell you think you are, but we do these, every weekday, during the season.  You don't need to have a PhD, or any talent at all to post them.  All you gotta really gotta do is get one up before the next guy.

I am a sign monkey.  I obviously have great need for an HTML Monkey.  In my capacity as boss monkey in my sign shop, I don't often have time to make these.  And our core base has taken some hits as of late.  And the rest of the veterans around here have moved into a state of gelatinous ambivalence toward maintaining any of the old guard ways, especially given the manic pace of game threads--we had ~2,600 posts last count for our victory on Tuesday.

But that changes.  Now.  We post a DLD every frickin' day here.  It's what we do.

Part of being an Alameda creature was always Day on the Green.  I cannot suggest buying any of these, as they are kind of expensive (If I played guitar, I'd be Jimmy Page...for $1,750?!  American?), but it looks like the NKotB shot from '90 goes cheaply, and would look nice on that accent wall in your den.  BTW, if you like classic rock and you don't know about Wolfgang's Vault, y'all better axe somebody.  Seriously.

This is begging for an ANers wall, I think.  Well, a wall and some frames.  And it's being sold out of my hometown, where I went to high school.  Seven degrees of separation, indeed.

AP Photo/Jeff Chiu

Englishmajor last night called Giambi "Graybeard."  I think this is an excellent nickname for him, and am using my DLD bully pulpit to throw my support behind it.

Jim Caple asks Greybeard some vapid questions.  My favorite moment of the filler piece?   "And you have to cut your hair and shave your face."

Apparently, Selugworth (thank you, MB) wants us to know that baseball cares that we'll all soon be living in houses made of slag and eating shoe leather.  Among the "values":

Pittsburgh Pirates Buc Night: A new promotion on April 15, where fans can purchase $1 seats, $1 hot dogs, $1 12-ounce Pepsi and $1 popcorn. 

No word yet on whether fans will also be spared having to watch the Pirates.

So, we've won one and we've lost one.  And real baseball, whether I've got to listen to Vince screaming at me or asshat announcers from out-of-market via Comcast MLB Package, rocks.  I LOVE baseball.

Oh, and we all need to say a prayer for Roy.  According to the Chron:

STEELE SIDELINED: Roy Steele, the A's main public-address announcer since the team arrived in Oakland in 1968, is unlikely to handle PA duties the first month of the season because of poor health.

Like 67Marquez says, next to BK, Roy is the A's to me.  Get well, Roy.

(and even though we didn't need him last night, you too, Matt)

This is the part of the post where we dump!  Dump, Monkeys!

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(yawn)

Kinda dull around here, huh?  I mean, it's kinda dull if you grew up in a family where your older brother chased your younger brother around with a butcher's knife, screaming at the top of his lungs, "I'll kill you!"

I'm fairly certain The Colonel just ordered some signs from me.

Him:

Not him:

"The Colonel's dead and here we are still enjoying his chicken..."

But I digress.  This, my friends, is a baseball blog. 

JoePo weighs in on The Schill. Along with, topically, ethics.

Batgirl's humming along with Gene, Ace and the boys.

Apparently, we could take all that vitriol aimed at either condemning PT or exonerating him, and flay the Wollf-hater.  Or exonerate him.  Killion's original article.

Blog on, you crazy diamond.

This is only exhibition.  This is not a competition.  Please, as so on and so forth.

Group ID:  #175324

Password: billking

Let's see if a direct link works...

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/1746336

It's on Yahoo!, so if the direct link doesn't work, you should be able to find it through the web site.  And because I need 75 words here, let me reassure you all.  I love you.  And I love all of you, not just some or part or a few of you.  No.  Not even the majority of you.  I love you all.  Remember, compromise is the essence of diplomacy; and diplomacy is the cornerstone of love.

My friend who's a Giants fan, recently wrote me and said, "If Zito pitches like the back half of '08 and Johnson lives up to his promise and Sanchez is even just OK, God knows we've got pitching.  With a rotation like that and all the exciting young talent we're bringing up, the Giants should be real contenders in the NL west this year, and a lot of fun to watch, even if the pennant has to wait 'til 2010."

While we have a lot of "if's" and questions heading into the '09 campaign, at least we're not counting on Zito and the Old Unit.  He later begged me to take Barry back.  What's our "if"s?  Any thoughts?

Let's see...SuSlu hasn't posted anything new in about three days, which means she's either really enjoying Spring Break, or bad hands are afoot at the Chron.  Seattle recently lost their Examiner.  It's an everchanging world, apparently.

I have unjustified manlove for Jerry Blevins, I'll admit it.  Previously, it was Esteban.  Here's a pic for you.

Who's your unrealistic man-love for?

Take the JoePo quiz.  I scored...poorly.

So there.  Sorry so brief, but I'm dually busy and sick not having a DLD.  Easy thing to get used to having.