You guys didn't really think I'd leave you hanging just because the Steelers didn't make it to the big game, did you? Boy has a bunch of hate been brewing in my loins since the game of which I will not speak.

So here we are, just a couple days before the Big Game. Being in Peru I really don't get the media hype that you guys do, but I have plenty of reasons to unleash the beast one more time this season...

You know the deal, probably definitely a lot of remarks that would make a drunken Irish sailor blush, violent comments regarding mothers of certain players, and general fury towards anything that breathes without black and gold in its veins. Enjoy. If this doesn't tickle your fancy proceed with caution, contents may be flammable.

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Good morning fellow BTSCers. I know we're all hurting today, grab a coffee and sit down. Let's be rational, let's be reasonable. We have a valid reason to be upset, and I'm sure you're all suffering as much as I am.

Losing makes people angry and causes them to start claiming ridiculous things. Things like we should fire Ike Taylor. He had an awful game to be sure, but he isn't the reason we lost. Anyway, this isn't about Taylor. I personally feel it's a good time to examine Mike Tomlin. I always feel that the head coach has to come under scrutiny for a major loss, especially one that in all honesty should not have happened. But this isn't about any one game in particular. Rather, after 5 seasons, I feel it's a good opportunity to look at Tomlin's body of work.

Content added on Jan 10th, simply to expound a bit on our win/loss record against playoff teams. Thanks everyone for the bevy of conversation below.

This is pretty long as I summize each season, but if you want to skip down to my overall review, its down at the bottom.

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Welcome to the Wild Card Week Hate Guide.

*It’s playoff time for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Here at the Hate Guide, we generate a dynamo of titanic anger that propels our team to victory. As a consequence, some of the content within may be too hot to handle. Please read at your own risk. As this is the Post-Season, I consider it important to start hating early, so get it in gear right here!

First of all, congratulations to the Steelers for their 12-4 regular season record. Another decent year facing adversity as always. I am in no way disappointed with this year so far. Now we have a chance to put some icing on that cake.

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Your Week 17 Hate Guide

*As you all are well aware this is the Hate Guide. Here we believe in one supreme powerful thing: HATE. And if you are not a big fan of the upcoming profanity, graphic imagery, or violence I ask that you refrain from further reading. Otherwise, drink from the fountain of red hot hate below.

Last week we throttled the Rams with Charlie Batch at QB. I love watching Batch play. He’s like Ben Roethlisberger but everything is just in super slow motion. A Batch Deep Throw actually leaves the planet and re-enters the atmosphere, that’s why it takes so long to arrive. It felt great to force the shutout last week. You just don’t see that much anymore, much less twice in a single season. It’s clear that when the hate flows, our Steelers follow. We need to finish strong this year. We got a lot of guys hurting. I personally think we rest everybody we can for this game, for reasons which I will explain below. Bottom line: We don't need Ben or Pouncey or anybody super important to win this game. Get our vacation on!

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Your week 16 Hate Guide

*As you know, this is the Hate Guide. Here, profanity and tomfoolery abound. Some of the topics discussed in the following paragraphs may be upsetting to some. For those brave enough to venture on, enjoy!

Due to the later nature of last weeks game, and earlier start of this week, I had to get it in a little later. Plus there's that whole Christmas thing which has been complicating my plans. We'll get to that later. Lets get down to business.

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Your week 15 Hate Guide

*Welcome to the Hate Guide. For the unacquainted, the hate guide is laden with wanton profanity and lathered with hate sauce. Try to keep it civil please. Remember, December is a time for giving, giving HATE that is.

Well last week played out rather oddly didn’t it? Do you not LOVE Large Benjamin? Seriously in today’s Pussyfied America, guys like Ben Roethlisberger are about as common as non-pederast Catholic priests. Ben gets his ankle bent through the fabric of space and time and somehow just uses his holy Wolverine healing powers to restore it to its usual functional self. Apparently sufficient quantities of tape CAN fix anything. I swear by the end of the season Ben looks like some monster creation from the Red Green show. But goddammit I love him for toughin it out and showing us his giant grey cahones as if we were slutty college girls.

And that’s why I have no doubt now we’re going to the Super Bowl. Hate motivates. It makes the impossible possible. It heals all wounds, and creates a bunch more. And it gave our team the grit to tear the Clowns up for 60 minutes. Holding a team to 3 points in today’s NFL is just absolute domination.

So now we gotta finish strong, 3 more games to go. Unfortunately for Sir James Harrison IV of Hell, there’ll be only two games.

Which brings me to my first wave of hatred: Roger NoGoodell

I hate this man and he stanks! Seriously I want to fuck Goodell in the ass with a cattle prod turned up to max. He needs to die and rot in Cleveland. This ginger piece of shit thinks he can just use Harrison as his whippin boy whenever he wants to change the game. Goodell is a full blooded Russian Commie. He just wants everybody to have lots of points and wants everybody to be exactly the same. He doesn’t want you to run the ball, hates defense, hates physical play, loves penalties. He basically wants our game to become basketball. Basketball is cool but I usually hate it because it’s a bunch of overpaid lazy asswipes making all the plays while a bunch of scrubs that never even got college degrees pitch in. You rarely if ever see a real ‘team’ of players. 100-100 games are preferred over a 70-80 game. Bullshit fouls and rigged refs make it even more lame.

So screw you Goodell with a rusty exhaust pipe because you’re ruining my sport damn you. Why do you think you know what’s best for the NFL? You’re an idiot. My sperm have more potential than you’ll ever have and when I take a shit whatever leftovers came out of me are smarter than your stupid redhaired communist asshole. Go tie a rope around your neck and tiny balls and jump off a building.

But anyway this will just make our team even more furious for their opponent this week: The Slut Fordildo 69ers.

We rarely have any beef with the 49ers, because they’ve largely been irrelevant for a while now. And Pittsburgh never had the pleasure of whooping their asses in a Super Bowl. Obviously Pittsburgh has been a much better team. Man Tran got all their wins in a short time and that was that. Pittsburgh gets some hardware practically every year. We get to the Super Bowl every decade. Oh yeah, and we got one more ring than these tools. That’s right, congrats on being tied for #2.

But there are multitudes of reasons to hate the 69ers besides their status as our footstool. One of the biggest is the ‘Ashley’ of the Harbaugh Douche Twins. I’ll give him credit for being better than the retard in Baltimore, but only as a coach. Both of these guys are insufferable assmongers with epic douchicity. The crazy black dude that pulled his pants down was IMO a much better HC. A good head coach has to be a badass and have a great personality. Cowher would shove a photo in your pocket and spit on you like a camel, and you played hard for him. Tomlin speaks like a sage and looks like a movie star and is ballin as hell. That’s why we have the best. All I can say is his team is vastly overrated because its in the Not Football Conference. That Division two bullshit over there is so lame. One team, 3 games ahead of everybody. I declare shenanigans. Don’t tell me the Pats or Steelers could never take the Fudge Packers. I expect us to demolish the 49ers because they have hardly been tested by a real team. Everybody in the NFC is so flakey it’s ridiculous. You never see a team like ours that just wins all the time every year. Closest is probably the Iggles but even they suck now. Giants totally don’t count, win the super bowl once, miss the playoffs half the rest of the time, and then suck when you do get there.

And worse yet, this shit heap overrated POS garbage bullshit hippie infested squad lost to the friggin Cardinals the other day. Those period-blood colored desert-dwelling morons managed to beat somebody and the 49ers somehow were the victim. Proof that losing to shitty teams runs in the Harbaugh family.

And well, you all know how much I hate San Francisco. San Fran is the home of the Pussyification of America. If you’re mad at the Deebo suspension, be mad at THIS city. This city is where all these artsy fartsy uber liberal retards come from. These are the people ruining America with their insistence on political correctness, organic produce, occupying things, passivism, nudity, censorship, and terrorism. These are the people that make it impossible to enjoy anything anymore because they have to somehow make it bad for you and terrible and give you a guilt trip for just about every goddamn thing now. You ate at McDonalds, let’s see you supported a big corporation, check. You ate processed food, check. That’s two crimes against humanity for you today. Shut the fuck up. I wanna enjoy my bad decisions and I don’t need some skin and bones long haired unshaven dirty hippie waving a peace sign and wearin a tiedye shirt to tell me what the hell I should do with my life. Those people don’t make anything worth using, don’t make anything better, don’t create jobs, don’t contribute anything but they feel the right to shit on everything I love about America.

In America we can blow shit up if we want to because it’s awesome. Guns are great and put big holes in stuff. In America, you don’t die from being hungry, you die from being fat. These jagoffs would rather you die of starvation eating nothing but grass instead of killin an animal and asserting your dominance upon the earth. In America we can say what we want because of this little thing called freedom of speech. So when you throw a bucket of paint on somebody’s new dress, declare some term offensive out of the blue, or tell me I can’t say certain phrases on TV or whatever I just wanna slap you with an American flag pole.

By defeating The 69ers, we remind San Francisco that Pittsburgh is in the heart of America and San Francisco is the Asshole. Time for us to plug that hole for good on some Monday Night Football. WOOOOOOO!!!! Hate Train coming up your ass hippies!!!!

Well now I’m ripped. Lets hate the rest of the league shall we?

Jacksonville Terrorists @ False-cons

Even though the Jagoffs are out of the playoffs, and now owned by Al-Qaeda, they can still play spoiler to the False Cons. They have a simple situation: Win out and go to the playoffs.

And frankly I hate those southern ratbirds a little more than I do Jacksonville at the moment. The Falcons could have beat the Packers, and didn’t. That effectively makes them party to the game of which I do not speak. I hate em and they stank. But frankly, I care little about this pathetic matchup between Confederate slave lovers.

DallAss Cornholes @ Strapon Bay

Dallas managed to screw another game up in dramatic fashion. I love watching the Cowboys lose. They’re just so amazingly overrated. Not America’s team folks. When you call them that my blood boils. America is not a bunch of failures with shitty retard accents that only know how to hammer a fence post into the ground. No, we’re winners dammit! Pittsburgh is where winners live. If you wanna find a guy to wash your dishes, go to Dallass. If you want people to handle medical emergencies, make you a delicious sandwich, win a football game the right way, or get you a bottle of ketchup, go to Pittsburgh. May the Buccaneers have a blessed rebound and continue knocking the Cowgirls out of the playoffs.

Miami @ Great White Buffalo

Buffalo got manhandled by the Chargers. This could prove to be beneficial for the Stillers. If the Chargers build up some momentum, they might be able to knock off the Ratbirds. Considering that they could still win out and take their division, they might play pretty hard. We can only pray for such things. In the meantime, I don’t give a shit about which retarded team wins this one. I do love that Tony Sparano got fired the other day. Coach firings make me so happy. Mostly because the Steelers never have to do that. 3 coaches in like 40 years makes that clear.

Seattle @ ShittyCocko

A word to Mary-ann Buttbuddy Ball-Barber the 1/3rd

YOU FUCKIN MORON YOU SUCK ELEPHANT COCK BURN IN HELL FOREVER!!!! I HATE YOU AND YOU STANK!!! This dingleberry-brained hoodlum went and gave the game away to Tebow. Clearly god was the motivating force here. Or could it just be the retarded idiot that was allowed to blow the whole game. You enabled this Tebow shit for yet another week. Thanks so much you ruptured testicle. I hope you get Super Aids and Cancer and Hemerroids and the Black Plague all at once you sick waste of oxygen. Screw your team for eternity, ‘Da Bears’ never existed to me and I damn you all to eternal hatred! Screw you forever you overrated Super-Bowl-choking one-good-player-having pieces of hyena shit.

Go get em Seattle…

Sweet Ho Carolina @ How in the hellston

At this point, I really hope Houston drops a game. It would improve our chances of getting that #1 seed from Baltimore. I respect Houston putting the nail in the Bungholes’ coffin, but now they need to lose a game or two to help us out. Perhaps Fig Newton can unleash some hell on Houston, who somehow keeps winning with a horrible guy you’ve never heard of at QB.

Ten’Teeth Titans @ #1 Draft Selection

The Colts really suck. Couldn’t give us a gift by beating Baltimore. Thanks a lot douchebags. Has a team ever sucked so hard without one player before? It’s really unbelievable. At this point, with both of these useless teams, I’d just love to see the Fatass Indy Dome collapse on top of both teams and paralyze them from the waist down forever. I couldn’t care less about this game. It’s playoff time, and it’s a real pleasure to see them OUT of the mix. But now we gotta focus on the real games that matter. Can’t be wasting precious hate on two teams that will make this game look like a pissing into the wind contest.

Green Bay Crackers @ Kansas Shitty

Todd Haley and his homeless man beard are no longer in the NFL thank god. So I expect Green Bay to continue marching onwards to 16-0. I can’t wait to make them 19-1. I hope you guys get there, cause payback is a bitch. Remember what the Pens did to the Red Wings? That’s what we’re gonna do to you filthy redneck trailer trash dickbags.

New Whore Inns @ Winlesssota

Another game where you can probably expect a full reaming of the Purple Penis Eaters. They deserve no less, having resurrected Favre from the grave, played the Stillers in a Super Bowl, and in general sucked epically for ages. Minnesota might be the worst team in the NFC, and that’s saying something. That’s like finishing in last place in a Morbidly Obese Weight Watchers Marathon.

Worshingtan @ Giant Cowboy Killers

Thanks for beating the Cowgirls, Giants. And Thanks a LOT asshole redforeskins for NOT beating the Pats. Way to just troll us for an hour. Make it LOOK like you’ll beat em and then you let em off the hook. Great job there shitheads. I’m so sick of this team trying to buy their way to success. They have about as much efficiency as the US Legislative Branch. The Giants have my permission to continue mauling any other team they’d like. A win over the Cowboys makes me a happy clam.

Bungholes @ Taint Louis

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAaaaaa… (deep breath) HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH LOL OMG (breaks glass and falls on table) Wow…. I’m sorry folks just watching the Bengals lose at the end of the year makes me laugh so hard. They’re such inept backward dipshits. Against us, they wiped out TWO scoring plays with penalties. Same thing last week, I just couldn’t ask for more. It’s so hilarious how every year they think they’ll win something. And then as usual the shit rises to the top of the diarrhea and you see who the Bungholes really are. I hope they keep falling apart. Screw their Ginger QB. He’s obviously a Commie like Goodell.

DEEEETroit @ Oakland

I really hope Detroit can pull it off and get into the playoffs. At this moment it’s win and in. And while I would have liked to cremate Oakland in the playoffs, I’d rather see the Lions get a playoff game for once in their history. Besides, the Raiders are a bunch of dirty cheaters. How is it possible that Richard Seymour punching a guy again this year doesn’t merit a suspension when he did it just the other year to Ben? Is he not a repeat offender? And his actions aren’t even football plays, they’re just dirty cheap shots. To compare him to Harrison is sickening, and to see his fat ass go unpunished makes me so angry. I hate Goodell and his biased bullshit. Go Lions, Rawr.

Cleveland @ Arizona

Well here’s a shitty matchup for you this week. Somehow Arizona randomly won a decent game. Further proof that the niners are frauds. Cleveland sucks as we’re all well aware. Don’t expect much here. Keep your TV away from this one. Watching this game would be like putting on a seatbelt when your car is in a trash compactor: What’s the fuckin point?

Patriots @ Tebow

God damn my world. I really have to decide between the Pats and the Tebows? I can’t do it. Neither situation is desirable. Which is the lesser of the two evils? The full of shit jesus freak or the piece of shit cheater? It’s like having to decide between screwing Oprah or Rosie O’Donnell, neither option leaves you happy even though somebody’s getting laid.

Since god is involved with the Tebowmania, I’d like to say a prayer to the lord. I’m not much of a religious type, but I know he hears us when we speak in our times of need.

Dear God,

This week your loyal disciple Timothy Tee-Ball is scheduled to compete against a team you also likely despise, the Cheaters. The cheaters have broken a cardinal rule in coveting they neighbor’s defensive hand signals. And surely your godliness would love nothing more than to continue to spread your word across America. But I must ask that you please withhold your godly influence this week. Please, lord, send upon us a greater plague. Humanity has failed you. We no longer permit your awesome Old-Testamentude. Women get to CHOOSE who they marry now, Lepers get to go out in public, false gods are worshipped in San Francisco (John Lennon, god of the hippies) and Jacksonville (Terrorism God) and New Orleans (Voodoo gods). The only choice you have left is to begin the cleansing. Destroy the infidels and burninate the countryside. I would simply ask us all to be devoured alive by your anger instead of seeing one of these teams win another game. Oh and while you’re blessing Jesus types, please give Philip Rivers 6 TDs and no INTs this week.

Amen, peace!

Jesticles @ Iggles

The Jesticles and their fatass pig coach Trannysaurus-Rex Ryan could still win their division. While this would belittle the Cheaters, I’d rather see the Jets lose this one. I hate when they get into the playoffs and act like they are the shit again. The Iggles have a chance to make this season less lame by playing spoiler. But I would like to see Andy Reid fired on the other hand. Tough call. How about a tie?

Baltiwhore @ San Diego

Folks this is it. I’m convinced this is the game for our division title. I don’t believe the Ratbirds will lose another game, and that this is the last one they might lose. The Ratbirds DON’T deserve this title. They don’t deserve OUR division crown. They lost to shitty NFC and AFC teams on the bottom of the barrel. They don’t deserve it! They can’t have it! I declare my hate to be strong and I want to see every last one of the Ravens shoved into medieval cages hanging from an English castle while a million literal ravens pluck out their eyes and eat them alive. Screw Baltimore, they don’t have even half the men we do on our squad. This is a team built for one purpose: To beat Pittsburgh. Not to be a champion. Time to show them that the original is always better than the copy.

San Diego I grant you my Blessing of Hate and confer to you my powers of hatred. May your lightning bolts shock the ratbirds right out of the sky and burn them into cinders. May dozens of illegals shank Ray Lewis in an alleyway, may your wrath be felt in their secondary with scores of deep balls into the Ravens’ EZ. Hate bless you San Diego, keep this up, and we might just get to thank you for it properly in the playoffs.

Your Week 14 Hate Guide

*This is the Hate Guide, and It’s December. That means it’s time to amp up the hate so we can march forward to the playoffs. Consequently this article contains massive amounts of hate in the form of profanity and disturbing imagery. This article may not be safe for work, as it may cause a rise in blood pressure and you might kill your boss. Read at your own risk.

As I said I should be back on the regular schedule from here on out. Work's gotten a little better for the time being. And this week since we play on Thursday, and just ejaculated a big wad of Hate onto Cincy's face last week, it's imporant to recharge our hate batteries.

Last week we rocked the house in dramatic fashion. Note to the Bengals: When the QBs Bruce Gradkowski and Charlie Batch are the main competition in the 4th quarter, your team sucks. Seriously how awesome was it to see the Bungles of old making the same retard liquor baby mistakes? I loved every moment of it. For me the best part was watching Andy Daltons red ginger cunt get soft and bloody. Watch him at the end of that game after that last sack, he’s done playing football against us. You can see it in his soulless black eyes. He gave up, quit, and just had had enough. What a pussyface. Any respect I had for Dalton, which was minor, has been lost. Welcome to the AFC North bitch, you get to be reamed by a two-by-four twice a year from now on.

And it brings me to the hate guide. I had been a little shaky the last few weeks, which is probably why the Chiefs game sucked. Clearly the hate is the key to winning It all this year. An on time hate guide, and a whopping 28 point cornhole shucking. So this week, lets fill up on the warm liquor that is HATE. If hate were a sandwich, it’d be a 6 foot long party sub. Lets dig in.

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Your Week 13 Hate Guide

*If you're reading this you know what's up. But of course for the new folks this is a poast dedicated to dishing out heaping plates of hate to all the stanky teams in the league. The Hate Guide is not appropriate for everyone, and contains vast quantities of profanity and highly offensive language. But for those desensitised as I am, proceed with pleasure.

Well folks last week’s guide was a little on the late side. My goal from here on is to get it in by the first game Thursday. Apparently we just didn’t have the Hate fully charged for Sunday. I take responsibility for that garbage we had to watch. But a win is a win and I’ll take it.

Ríght now, it’s time to get serious about some hate. December hate is some damn important hate folks. December is when we figure out who gets to play in January. And this year, the competition is tighter than Rex Ryan’s pants. The AFC North would actually have 3 playoff teams at the moment. That’s a rarity, but I think it’ll settle out soon. Our division had a fairly easy schedule that was made even easier by some good teams not playing up to snuff this year. That’s why the Bengals have managed to look semi decent.

A quick HATE BOMB to the Schedule maker. What in the bloody hell was this dude smoking? I want some. Shit I want a lot of it. I mean who puts two division rival games with the same team nearly back to back? And not only the Bungholes, but also the Browns close our season this way. And the Ravens in the first half of the year? And virtually every Monday night game has sucked epically.

I suspected that because of the Cockout the schedules may have been pre-aligned to give more division games in the back half of the year. But then why would the Ravens games, arguably two of the best NFL games in the year, be placed in the first half?This guy obviously sucks on Freon popsicles before making this schedule and should get his ass kicked by Seal Team 6 and then be left for dead in the Sahara desert.

But this week, as we did a few weeks ago, we’ll get another chance to slap the Bungholes back to reality.

I’ve already dished out a lot of hate for this team, and since this game is about as close as you can get to the last one I’m gonna keep this one a little bit more succinct:

You know I hate Cincy, they’re arrogant asswipes that think they’re something amazing but have literally done NOTHING in their time in the league. And frankly I’m tired of hearing about Dalton and Green and Lewis still having a job. I imagine Lewis takes more pills than an 85 year old cancer patient. If I had his job I’d definitely have killed somebody by now. Or Japan’d myself.

If the Bengals were a Greek God, they’d be Dionysus. Dionysus was basically the least useful god in Greek mythology. His only job: Get everybody drunk and stupid. Now while this might be the kinda guy you’d want at your next toga party, he’s not really appropriate for a football team. But it would explain why the Bengals are either drunk or high or committing crimes left and right.

Thankfully the Steelers are like Ares, god of WAR. We rip your insides out from your asshole and then use them to decorate our Christmas tree. That’s whats gonna happen to the Bengals. I’m so sick of their bullshit, I cant wait to give them a replay of 3 weeks ago. Only this time, I don’t want them to even have a chance. We are overdue for an epic assbeating and I’m willing to bet our Offense is just dying to prove they can decapitate any assmonger that crosses them.

And this time, the Bengals are coming to Heinz Field. That’s OUR house. OUR sacred land. Nobody is going to celebrate or dance on it if I have anything to say about it. I want to just stuff Dalton in those Giant Ketchup bottles and leave him there to be tossed around every time we get into the Redzone.

And we are going to be as healthy as we were on opening day for the most part. Polamalu is probably playing, Woodley too. I’d love to see Andy Dalton devoured by our terrible two of Harrison and Woodley. I like to imagine Dalton’s ginger ass with chains attached to his arms and legs, and Harrison pulls the arms and Woodley the legs until Dalton is ripped in half and his freckles fall off.

I would love nothing more than seeing AJ Green turned Red after Clark clocks him over the middle so hard his blood explodes out of his body and covers him in it.

I am so tired of hearing the Bengals mentioned in the same breath as the Steelers and Ravens. We need to slap them back down to where they belong. They don’t deserve anything over 8-8 EVER. And it’s our job this week to remind them who OWNS the AFC North. May the streets run red with Bengal blood. I hate everything about this team, from the retarded Who Dey chant, to the convict players, to their horrible owner and stadium, to their horrible city. There is nothing about the Bengals worth liking. I love knocking the Bengals out of the playoffs, like in 2006 when we played spoiler. Lets do it this week and stay on top of this tight race. I hate the Bengals and they STANK. Let them BURN.

The Wiggles @ Supreme Seahawks of Awesometown

The Seahawks are usually on the top of my hate list. And considering their from the Not Functional Conference that’s saying something. BUT they have helped the Steelers with their win over Baltimore. And that gives them the ‘Get out of Hate Free Card’ for now.

But the Eagles are another team that’s ground my nerves into a bloody pulp lately. I just don’t get WHY the media has been unable to remove their lips from the meatuses of certain teams and players this year. I mean Tebow gets more TV time than Brady now which is amazing. And the Eagles are suddenly the new Cowboys, getting air time about as often as Andy Reid takes a shit. And frankly, I hate those overexposed pieces of shit. I hate how consistently GREAT teams like ours are ignored so much. We never get nearly as much time as anybody else. Yet we’re the futha muckin best team ever. I guess the media gets bored of playing the same thing every week.

Pennsylvania is NOT Philly. It’s Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is the greatest city on the planet and the rest of the state can pucker up and toss my salad if they want to argue. And in the world of football, nobody comes close to us. So for all you poser sons of bitches, get OFF my TV and go crawl back up into your mothers gaping whore vagina. Best winning percentage, but worst airtime. Bullshit.

Meth shootin Oxy poppers @ Soon to be Canadian team

So apparently the Bills weren’t ALL that great. And the Titans pretty much suck as expected. IMO, according to playoff scenarios, we’d actually want the Meth head Titans to win this one.

So let it be written so let it be done. And besides, Buffalo will probably be transferred to Toronto someday, or the US might just sell that part of NY to them. When that happens Buffalo will be in ‘Not-America’ and no longer be recognized by me.

Stanky Ass Shitty Briefs @ Dickago Bears

Nobody realizes what REALLY was happening last week. Isn’t it obvious? Palko is secretly an AWESOME QB, but the Rooney’s made him a deal. He could come to our team after we trade Ben while he’s in his prime this offseason, but just before it’s announced that he has raped again. Now of course the Pitt local product would LOVE to play for the Steelers. But he couldn’t play too good or the trade would be impossible. How else do you explain Palko throwing so many picks right too us ala Neil O Donnell? He’s ALREADY practicing on our team can’t you guys see it!?! He’s practicing routes with our DB’s. His accuracy against us was so outstanding that you have to see his potential as QB of the future.

/end Florio Impression

Chicago sucks, they coulda beat the Raiders but managed to lose it like the bunch of ball jugglers they are. End result: This game is a total waste of your time. I hate everybody here and they stank.

Southern Ratbirds @ Whoston?

I actually want to watch this game. I would love to see Houston fall. They have to. No Matt Schaub, no future for this team. I love watching the Texans get their hopes up every year just like the Bungholes. And every year they reach that 8-8 that they want so badly. Seriously the Texans must have the record for 8-8 seasons. Atlanta could do us a big favor here and help take these Cows to the slaughterhouse.

Dopeland @ Whyami

Why Miami? Why do you even bother? Why do you even think winning a couple games was worth it when you could have had Luck? Now you just GAVE him to the Colts. You are just so useless. You white-suit-after-labor-day-wearing lowrider-driving beach-hoggin no-visa-having Cuban-raft-riding no-title-winnin bitches just granted the Colts another decade of prosperity. Thanks so freakin much. FUCK YOoooooo Dolpheeeeeen! I hope the Japanese decide to bomb all of Dade County and ransack it and go Nanking on your ass. I hope you’re all raped and violated by a bunch of small pricked anime heads that are screamin Banzai at your families. You just gave the Colts the key to success for another dozen years. Seriously, without Manning that team is total shit and now they’ll almost definitely get their replacement.

I wanna play Oakland in the playoffs as I predicted (in week 6) would happen. I would love a bunch of Immaculate Reception highlights played in front of John Maddens 13 chins. So SCREW the Dolphins. I hope they get that 2nd pick and watch the Colts run away with the best thing in the draft. What a bunch of ball hairs.

Jesus @ Thor

Welcome to our first ever God-Fight. Yes, two religiously based teams will take the field on Sunday. In fact, the Hammer of Thor was used as an anti Christian symbol since the Hammer (head down mind you) looks like a Cross upside down. In one corner are the Broncos, who have rapidly converted to Christianity, have circumcised their small penises, and have begun to touch small boys Sandusky style. Tebow is clearly the second coming of Christ and if we don’t respect he’s gonna burn us all with his flaming balls of shit.

The contender is the Norse god Thor. Thor is a badass that has a giant hammer and doesn’t buy all that Christian pansy pussy peace business. He’s all about lightning bolts and smashing the bejeesus outta whatever he wants.

Sadly the Vikings are pretty damn terrible at following their god’s example. But I just NEED Tebow to lose this week. I need it to happen. If I see him on the front page of every site this Monday AGAIN I’ll choke him with the cross around his neck.

Colts @ Not so Greatriots

I love watching the Pats fall from grace. They actually have 3 losses for a change. It feels great. And to see how exposed they have been in this time is priceless. They aren’t invincible anymore and anybody can beat them with the right scheme.

I also love that for once this overrated matchup has been flexed out and the Pats don’t get to hog the spotlight. If you had told me before this season that this WOULDN’T have been prime time, I’d have taken that peace pipe right outta your hand. But now it’s great, neither one will be a problem. That having been said, I’d still love to see a tidal wave wipe out Massachusetts

Pussies @ Pirates

Man this is just an ugly matchup of more overhyped NFC garbage. Both of these guys have lost SB’s against some of our fiercest rivals, and that doesn’t go easily forgotten. But with a combined 7 wins between these two, your TV shouldn’t be on this channel unless there’s a gun to your head. And even in that case, I’d probably tell you to take the bullet and spare yourself from having to watch this atrocious abortion of football. Literally pouring acid into your eyes would be better for you than having to watch this crap.

New York A @ Trail of Tears

If you’re a Redskins fan, you almost certainly have made a trail of tears longer than the one that the actual real literal ‘redskins’ did. I really don’t understand how this team sticks around. I think the government should just buy it and run it. Obama could be head of Football operations and put a bunch of trained CIA ops guys in there to beat the hell out of the other team. They could plant booby traps and track your cell phone when you go. All sorts of cool stuff. It’d be like James Bond and Football.

I mean hell just planting the whole field full of flowers and turning into a park would be a better use than what we get now inside this lousy stadium.

Oh and the Jets SUCK and it’s awesome. Bout time they got put back in their place. An Acne-ridden illegal immigrant is NOT how you get to the Super Bowl. I bet if somebody told Rex that the Super Bowl was a menu item, he’d probably win out from here on. Biggest dumbass in the NFL. When your brain is 85% hamburger meat, it’s hard not to be a total moron. Once again folks, morbidly obese coaches can’t win.

But yeah just ignore this game too. Literally has like no impact on us at all.

CallaWhore in Cleveland

Calling a whore in Cleveland is probably the only marginably enjoyable thing that you could do. Even then she’d probably weigh as much as a hippo and be wearing some 1990’s denim jacket and mom jeans. People in Cleveland are some ugly people. I’ve yet to see one attractive woman in my trips there. You see more Amish than good looking girls.

But the biggest whore in the league, Ray Lewis, is on call this week. So I’m sure when Baltimore violates Cleveland like an African peasant, Ray Ray VaJayJay will get all the praise. He’s gonna get all the credit for a big win over Cleveland. A middle school JV team could probably beat Cleveland. As much as I’d love Cleveland to win this one, I’m nowhere near high enough to consider that a possibility.

Now-Girls @ Cant’inals

Wait what the hell? When did Dallas get on top of their division? Does the NFC suck THAT much? The Giants, Eagles, Skins? None of them could even put up a fight so far? Now I just hope they make it to the Super Bowl so we can bitch slap them and get even for 1995. Jam those spurs right into their media-whoring billion-dollar-stadium-having over-rated assholes.

God the NFC just makes me so furious. It shouldn’t have ever been made. They shoulda just had a D1 and D2.

Green Shit Packers @ New York B

Well I guess we’d better get used to the Packers bein the new Pats. At least Rodgers hasn’t turned into a total douche yet. I’d say Brady wasn’t super douchy until he had a couple years of douche experience. It’s kinda like what South Park said in Sexual Healing. Give a guy a lot of money and he becomes a dick that wants to screw everybody. Let’s see how long it takes for Rodgers to start wearing Uggs and knockin up super models. Then his hair will fall out and he’ll have to get plugs. I hope he gets Graft vs Host disease and it cripples him until he dies.

A win from the Little Giants would be a nice touch here. I hate when teams are going undefeated. Just way too much attention for my liking.

Stank Louis @ 69ers

Well the niners have nine wins, they managed to lose another one. I told you guys they weren’t all that great. Baltimore just played down to the competition as they always do. The Harbaugh bowl went down without that much fanfare, and no chest bumping, bro icing, drunk fighting, wedgie giving, noogie-ing or wrestling. Shame, I really wanted to see those two asshats duke it out douchebag style.

Anyway I’m gonna safely assume the 49ers will still continue accelerating to their one and done in the playoffs. Good for them, they’ve earned it. Let em have their playoff loss. That’s pretty good progress for this POS team.

Detroit @ Frenchies

This game is more amazing than those nudie pictures of Scarlett Johanneson. The fact that Detroit got flexed UP to primetime is mind blowing. The only time Detroit is on primetime television is when you’re watching CNN specials on Murder or Rape or Poverty. I actually will try and tune into this one a bit, although I kinda expect the Frenchmen to win. Although the French are great at surrendering, I have a feeling Detroit blew its load too early. Plus they wont have Donkey Kong Suh who threw a barrel at some guy and got two games for it. Detroit needs a win IMO and the Taints fans need to wallow in some filthy water up to their roofs for a week.

In random hate unrelated to football, god do I hate this time of year in Peru. Although the weather is just absolutely gorgeous right now, like 77 with a breeze and sunny, none of these Peruvians will open a window. They are just so terrified of any temperature under 80 degrees that they think they'll die from the 'cold'. Cold is when your dick retracts up into your body seeking warmth. Cold is when your nose hairs are hard and your eyeballs are sticky. But here 72 and sunny is still jacket weather and the bus is a big van with 40 people that won't open a window for fear of death.

Seriously, sometimes I just want to break a window, throw out the old lady guarding it, and watch as everybody panics and thinks they'll all have an infection from the wind.

So folks, lets get fired up. It's December football. We need to close out strong to get to that January level. And you guys have yet to see the hate I can unleash in the postseason. We'll get there, but only if you all commit to KILL and DEVOUR your opponents by using your Hate. The standard is the standard, we gotta annihilate our opponents this week. Go Steelers!

Your week 12 Hate Guide

 *You guys know the drill, I'm back with a vengeance. If you're under the age of teenager, are sensitive to violence and profanity, or are of a tender complexion, I highly recommend avoiding this poast. Prolonged exposure to hate can be harmful to children, the elderly, recovering addicts, pregnant women or women who may become pregnant, and little people.

So sorry about the Saturday release, but better to hate late than not hate at all. I should be back to my regular Wednesday releases from here on out. Unfortunately for you guys I’ve been busy and this thing called ‘Skyrim’ tends to take a lot from that thing I used to have called a life. Seriously while that game is awesome I kinda hate it because I just can’t be a responsible adult until I play about 100 hours of it.

Anyway back to the matters at hand. Since Thanksgiving has passed, we’re just gonna rev it up for Sunday. And Sunday finishes off with our Steelers, so we’ll get to get that hate ball rolling down the hill early so it’s nice and hot by the time we get on the air.

The good news for you guys is that my bye week break and this thanksgiving have given me a whole mess of hatred ready to help your fat ass digest that kilo of turkey you’ve surely eaten by now.

Thanksgiving itself generates a lot of hate. Don’t get me wrong, TG is probably the BEST holiday in the universe. No bullshit shopping frenzy that makes people stab eachother like Ray Lewis in and alleyway, enough Turkey to solve world hunger, and our beloved NFL. What more could you want?

But of course every other country in Not-America ripped it off from us. We invented our awesome holiday and now everybody else has to go out and get one too. Japan has a freakin Thanksgiving Day. What in the hell do they have to give thanks for other than vending machines that spit out some ass piss sake soda bullshit that makes them hyper and capable of winning their video game session? Seriously other countries BACK THE FUCK OFF my Thanksgiving. We’re the only ones allowed to give thanks. And we do it all the time. We gave you like a shit ton of ‘thanks’ after you had your little surf session. If you’re gonna steal thanksgiving at least throw us a bone.

That ironic part of it is what kills me. Them countries never give thanks to the great America but they steal our Thanksgiving. Damn communists.

Then on TG you get to watch the same two teams play every year. And why in gods green earth did these teams get called upon? Through some careful research I found that the Cowgirls and Kittens were actually chosen as Thanksgiving emblems or symbols. The Lions represent the turkey that gets stuffed in the ass every year by everybody in the kitchen. And the Cowgirls are the gravy that the world loves to slather all over everything. Nevermind its total lack of nutritional value, just dump more and more of this thick goop on until the only thing I can see is a big fat dallasshole star on my plate. Then I throw up. Why not just make them badass flex games? Because Roger Goodell eats shit for breakfast.

It seems the NFL has gotten a whole lot more annoying since two weeks ago. The First Quadrennial Harbaugh Douche –Off, Tebow (more on him later), and more retarded fines and calls. For that Harbaugh ass mongering I went to the jungle and tried to get a shaman to summon a holy meteor to devour that stadium and all of its mouth breathing butt sniffing salad tossing patrons. Those two should not be allowed to coach in the same league. It’s by far the queerest rivalry in the NFL. Oh look! They’re brothers ZOMG! I bet they competed. I bet all 106 players on the two teams give an ant sized shit. Nobody cares at all. It’s not a real rivalry. It’s cross conference douchery at its highest point. I’m just amazed they didn’t do a Bro-Down.

And now lets get to the games. First up are the Kansas Shitty Queefs

We get the primetime slot this week, which blew me away. I was expecting us to get bumped considering our opponent is the frigging Chiefs. The Chiefs are a total joke and have no chance in this league any time soon. Did they ever even? Kansas City has one super bowl, but it was back in America landed on the moon. Shame they didn’t leave the Chiefs up there. Since then they’ve sucked harder than the vacuum of space. Not even an AFC championship to brag about. Only the AFL. They’re pretty much the Lions of the AFC folks. They manage to hide here and there with a couple sporadic seasons of luck that are followed by shit heaps of manure like we see this year.

Frankly their history hardly angers me, as it’s something that qualifies as sad in my book. But the team still managed to chap my cheeks for a number of reasons.

The first and foremost reason is that this city is a crock of shit itself. The guy that named Kansas City was apparently clinically retarded. I suppose most hicks can’t read a map, but there’s a big ass line between two parts of this city and they never quite figured that out.

So you got Kansas City, MO. WTF. Pick a side! Waffling is only tolerated at breakfast time bitches.

Of course, it’s entirely possible that the fat ass whales of human flesh that inhabit Kansas Shitty are unable to fit in just one state. If America fielded some sort of Olympic Sumo Team, I’m sure everybody would be from KC. You know you’re fat when your state is known for Barbecue. While delicious, it’s quite the statement when the most important thing to come out of your lands is methods to eat meat off a bone.

Speaking of which I’d like to mention that I hate super saucy bullshit KC wings and prefer a Memphis Dry Rub over something that was bukkaked by a sauce bottle any day.

The thing that really drives me nuts about the Chiefs is their uncanny ability to just be a total spoiler bitch. KC is like that one asshole kid when you’re playing a board game, and he’s getting his ass kicked so hard that he decides to just give everything he has to somebody else and leave. I hate that and it stanks like Queen Latifah’s thong on a humid summer day in Miami. Seriously, they just handed the house over to Belicheat for lousy Matt Cassel. And now he’s gone with a vaginal tear. Seriously Ben could probably play with a severed scrotum he’s that tough. Matt “Princess in the” Cassel can’t even tape a finger back together. He probably pulled it while looking for his balls which had retracted into his body some time ago. Thanks again assholes for just helping that game winner win some more. They’re able to suck at drafting because of idiots like you that give them 25 picks for no reason.

Then you got that bullshit that they did from the other year. Ugh, the Chiefs game loss in 2009 was one of the hardest for me. Cleveland being the worst. Of all the 5 I think this is the one where the opponent just did NOT deserve to win that game. That was the hardest meltdown IMO. Well no freebies this week Kansas City. We’re gonna take your hobo-lookin wife-slapping alcoholic $5-whore-buying coach, your 400lb average fans, your racist Thanksgiving Disgracing team, and all of its sweaty nutsack stench and launch it right at the sun. I want to see your fat rolls cook like the very ribs you peddle in your BBQ sauce filled toilet called a stadium. I want some revenge for 2009, I want to punish you for being the most inept team in the AFC. I want to backhand slap you so hard your teeth get stuck in your cheek. I hope you passed math class, you’re gonna need your abacus to figure out how many points we got. Definitely a higher number than your IQs.

I hate Kansas City and it stanks!

Vikings @ Falcons:

Seriously this is some more NFC garbage. Why is almost every matchup I see over their a terrible piece of garbage? It’s either some ugly pick throwing spectacle of disgusting shit, or it’s one of those patented NFC Shootouts where everybody scores more than Jean Simmons. Seriously, you don’t usually see 40-50 point games in the AFC unless it’s Bengals Browns. I’m sure this one, despite the incredible lack of talent, will somehow hit like 90 total points. I can’t watch NFC football, it’s too much like playing Madden. You get bored after your 10th blowout or 10th shitty barely winning match.

Leaveland @ Sinsinatti Badgals

And wouldn’t you know it? You get to watch these two shitty teams battle it out. I love the Ohio Bowl. It’s just like cloning a moist steamy pile of excrement. You get an exact copy. Seriously could two teams be so equally frustratingly shitty? How could anybody maintain their fan loyalty to these teams? I love the Bengals fan who actually sold his Bengali Citizenship online. It’s a fact that Ohio’s leading exports are sadness, and fandom. Fandom could actually fetch a pretty good price if properly channeled. Between Lebron, Modell, All the good players to ever leave the Bengals, and just Cleveland colleges in general, anything even remotely useful to us human beings that comes from Ohio never goes back. Hence, the pro teams wallow in shit for eternity. There’s a reason teams in big cities are effective. They can pull the right players. A player wants to be a big shot in NYC or LA or Miami, not Cleveland. You literally can’t pay some people millions of dollars to play in Ohio. That’s why I think Obongo should just pull out that nuclear football and fry that big ass farm they call a state.

Carolina @ Indiana

The Panthers have yet to actually be of some use to us. Same goes for Indiana. Basically these two teams have nothing to offer the world and should be completely ignored by them. A food network program has more sex appeal than this game. Unless shitty quarterbacking and losing gets you hard, steer clear of this one. However, I really want Indy to win because if they get Andrew Luck and he’s actually good, I’ll hate the Colts for a long long time.

Houston Texans @ Jagoffs

The Jagoffs did us a big favor against the Rat Birds. This is not something that can go easily forgotten. However they have to continue to work towards redemption on the holy path of hate. I deem them still in debt to me, and a win over the Texans would be a nice sort of confession for previous sins against the Nation.

By the way the Texans’ name is really bizarre. They are the only team to use a state adjective in any league (though Phillies use the city). But seriously, think about it. Other teams have badass animal names, or some sort of historically significant thing. Team names were meant to inspire fear in the other. Hence why Sharks and Bears and Lions and Falcons were chosen. And what is more fear inspiring than an NRA-member cow-herding big-hat-wearin shotgun-totin wheat-chewing red-voting bible-thumpin redneck that’s got more ammo than a FOB in Iraq? Wisely chosen Houston, couldn’t have thought of a more horrific creature.

Weak Ass Buffalo @ Knew You’re Just a piece of shit

The Bills have lost their awesomeness now that Fitzpatrick has mid terms for his 3rd Doctor-Master-ArchMage at Hahhvaaaad. He just can’t do it all at once folks. Having some lousy god blaming hoodlum tryin to catch his passes, and a defense led by a Polack who was probably touched at Penn State isn’t going to win many games.

I love that Rex Ryan got fined 75k. Finally somebody gets one in the mouth for having a fat mouth in the first place. However, reports show that upon receiving the letter, Ryan thought it was a check and tried to exchange it for its equivalent in footlong hotdogs and bacon grease. Bout time somebody tells him to shut up and provide quality football or go back to the local line at Golden Corral.

Arizona @ Stank Louis

Even STL can beat Cleveland. That’s just how god awful Cleveland is. St. Louis is shit this year.  As you all well know, the NFC West matchups are probably the worst football has to offer. Just avoid this one if at all possible, lest the stench of a thousand rotting Mexicans and fatasses fill your nostrils.

Crampin Vajayjay @ Ten’Tooth Might’ns

The Might’ns are tryin to be really agnostic about their postseason hopes. 5-5 teams, hell any .500 team piss me off. Pick a side. Either you suck and I hate you and you stank, or you are good and I hate you more and you’re stankier. And Tampa Bay follows with their 4-6 record, meaning they too are struggling to get on top of that fence and have a post up their ass. The Titans are the classic 8-8 team, I’m sure they’ll ride that fence all the way to the early offseason.

Shycocko @ Cokeland

Shycocko and Oakland actually could be a decent not-great-team matchup. Decent enough but really on a 2nd or 3rd tier behind truly great teams like the Steelers or Packers. Chicago could do us a favor, and Jay Cutler could grow a pair. Neither is likely in my opinion. It still blows my mind that Oakland somehow hasn’t totally fallen apart since the Palmer experiment started. I was really hoping for an epic failure ending to Carson Palmer’s career. So I wouldn’t mind seeing Urlacher rip out Carson’s remaining ACL and cook them over a fire in front of Palmer’s family this weekend.

Washing your Foreskins @ Kings of Queens

Seattle has  managed to earn the Get out of Hate free card. For me to bestow this upon Seattle, a place I find most stanky and hateable is a profound statement.  Beating Baltiwhore was a pleasant surprise and I thank the Seahawks for their atonement. While not fully forgiven, they can get out of hate free this week.

The Redskins are one of the teams that barely registers on my radar. The only time they anger me is when they create massive league inflation with their retarded deals. Seriously every single free agent signing by the ForeSkins is ludicrously overpriced and asinine. Dan Snyder must have too much money. He just can’t seem to properly manage a single dime. This isn’t baseball dumbass. You don’t just ‘buy a team’ and win stuff. Dan Snyder’s head is so far up his ass he checks his pulse with his tongue. Screw the redskins and their annual boner that ends up screwing the Steelers out of players (Randle El) or makes us have to pony up more to keep other greats. Yeah you had a player killed, but that’s long gone. Time to buck up and play the game right you pieces of shit. I hope Seattle writes a new bill of ass rights on your back and pounds you for 60 minutes.

Brady’s Douchebag @ Iggles

Here’s a game that will get all hyped up and down but really turn out to be some shit storm with Belichick easily throttling Andy Reid. Could you have a more lopsided coaching matchup? Belichick has spy satellites in space hovering over the Eagles practice facility as we speak. Andy Reid can’t even see his own shoes, much less make sense of a football game. Clearly blood flow to the brain is limited by the fact that his blood is 90% cholesterol and bacon. I’m so sick of Reid, I have a chubby brewing as I imagine the day where he’s fired and unemployed and gets fatter on welfare and unemployment.

Jesus @ Whales Vagina

Wow, I leave the hate aside for two weeks and Tebowmania has swept the nation. Fuck that term first of all. Anything termed mania is retarded. The last thing I could think of was ‘Wrestlemania’ and if you want to watch that you should be shot in the head. If anybody on this site is a pro-tebow type, I will shove your cross right back up your ass and knock you out with a reference edition bible. There is absolutely nothing special about this kid. God is not slobbing Tebows knob and leading him to victory. Tebow is not doing anything amazing. His team decided to finally learn the defensive scheme and is executing well, while Tebow somehow manages not to lose the game in the first 50 minutes. Then he wins it barely with some bullshit scrambles and holy spirit.

Then there’s the whole prayer bit. Sweet god if there’s one kind of person I hate in this world, more than Nazis, more than Commies, more than Peruvians that steal my shit, it’s goddamn outward religious people.

You’re more than entitled to have a religion as long as it’s not terrorist. America invented religious freedom. You can worship Buddha or Jesus or Evolution or Tony Hawk or whoever the hell you want. But I swear to god if you decide to kneel down in front of me when we’re in the middle of something I will smack you so hard your soul will get sent to hell. Talkin to god can wait. Give him a big ole thank you when you’re finished ok? It’s so superficial it’s disgusting. Why not give god a prayer after every first down? Or for every single positive yard? Or for every sack that could have been worse? Or for the other team’s high level of competition which brings out the best in yourself? Because you’re full of shit Tebow that’s why. Why do you have to do it in my face (twss)? If you’re gonna say thanks sincerely you should do it for EVERYTHING not just when it looks good. A true lover of god would be thankful for even the most minute things.

So quit preaching and reaching around God and shut the hell up and play football. If I have to watch you kneel down one more time I’m gonna bash my TV in with a hammer.

You are hereby condemned to Mechem’s Cellar of Hate for eternal hatred until further notice. Your soul will burn with my hate, and I declare a Whales Vagina win which will feel like a giant godlike lightning bolt singeing your sphincter which was probably fingerbanged by a priest. I hope the real god is some sort of reptilian bird creature that eats your head off and reminds you how idiotic you are.

Your week 10 hate guide.

*For good measure I’m putting the disclaimer at the top. So yeah this article contains heaps of profanity and grandiose rage. If you are easily offended, this poast is probably not for you. By now you should know what you’re getting into. But for the brave newcomers, put on your sarcasm and tongue in cheek armor. Sorry it’s Thursday but I’ve been busy, and I had a whole lotta hate to dish out this week.

Folks I wanna start by apologizing for last week’s half assed effort on my part. I exhausted my hate a little too much, and the drop off the next week hurt us bad. We didn’t have 60 minutes of hate in us and we gave it up at the end. We fell just a few seconds too short of a full hate period.

This week I’m here to make sure we can last through a college football triple overtime. There’s gonna be enough hate here to make Hitler look like a Frappucino slurping graffiti artist. If this hate were a natural disaster, it’d be a meteor strike that wipes out humanity. I’m ripshit pissed this week. And when you’re pissed you can hate something fierce.

Before getting into our opponent, I feel the need to get a couple things from last week off my chesticles.

First off, a raise of my middle finger to the Ravens. Good job out there but god damn did you luck out a lot. While you’ll all say Rice shoulda had a TD at the start of the game, you still got 3 on the drive. That was a 4 point swing. And both times you boofed our guys brains into balls of sludge like the dirty $4.50 Thai transvestites you are you got away with it. Clark is the worlds dumbest FS and the refs KNOW to watch for him, so he got his just dues. But the great Ray Ray who loves Jesus and murdered somebody doesn’t get the call.

Since he knocked out Hines Ward, we can add the Ravens to the list of teams that hate Asian people. Right up there with the Pats who lead the league in white/Mexican/not asian players and racism in general from their retarded fanbase.

Obviously the Ravens are racist sons of bitches and I hate em and they stank. Dick Chuggs poured BLEACH on his girlfriend for christ’s sake. The dude obviously has race issues. He should pour that bleach in his own filthy man prostitute mouth that’s wide enough for a DP to occur. It might help clear up his giant purple gums and ugly donkey teeth.

But back to the point, if we get those two calls we’re right in College Girls Freshman Kicker Suisham FG range and it’s first down instead of 4th. So screw you and your bitching about the refs. God even when Baltimore wins they think the refs wanted to screw them over. I’m so sick of it. This week we have a legitimate complaint IMO and you guys definitely got your share of the calls. Now go ream eachother with a cactus while you celebrate being regular season champs this year.

Other than that, I’m gonna hope Tomlin just had a senior moment or is back to his pot smoking days of 2007. He needs to man up and tell BA when he’s being a retard. If my OC called two passes in that situation with the game on the line I’d have him stuffed and mounted on my bathroom wall so he could smell my shit every day. There has to be an off button for BA in those situations. If it was Tomlin calling it, then he’s getting too cocky. Look, I LOVE the ‘play to win’ strategy. Cowher used to just run and punt and it usually worked but we lost big games that way. But don’t pass on 1st down. That’s just greedy when all you have to do is salt the game away and leave.

Ok so with that out of the way let’s just say the Raven’s will be roadkill come January if we have anything to say about it.

Continue reading this post »

Your week 9 Hate Guide

*For good measure I’m putting the disclaimer at the top. So yeah this article contains heaps of profanity and grandiose rage. If you are easily offended, this poast is probably not for you. By now you should know what you’re getting into. But for the brave newcomers, put on your sarcasm and tongue in cheek armor. The hate guide is on a real tear, and it’s just getting started.

Hey Patriots. Bet you didn’t think Pittsburgh was the, Daaayyynger ZONE!

Oh you’re in it now! How does it feel? I know how it feels, DAMN SEXY GOOD.

I mean jesus almighty himself have I ever seen a more delicious humble pie buffet served on the most holiest of platters? It was like summoning Bahamut to blast the hated and stanky cheaters right off the face of the earth.

Sweet Aunt Jemima’s sugar tits we won dammit!!! We dominated the Pats for 60 minutes of football.  This ranks up there with the invention of Bacon in terms of awesomeness.

The derp machines on the boob tube will tell ya it’s because of this adjustment or that change in personnel or some other logical explanation. But of course the answer is right here: In the Hate Guide.

Remember, hate can do many amazing things. It can cure LaMarr Woodley who will be sorely missed. It can make the other team quake with fear and crap their pants.

Yes, the Hate Guide propels our team towards an onslaught as we have seen since we've improved our community efforts this season. Early in the year, not as many people were aboard the Hate Express. And we faltered for it. The Hate Train is ready to run over the entire league. It’s got hot red fire sparking from its golden tracks, using the bodies of our opponents as the wooden slats. Rage Against the Machine is blasting out of some seriously enormous speakers mounted to the front of it. The front of it is lined with the broken bones of last week’s foes, and it’s looking to eat up some Raven a la brasa. Hope you all buckled your stanky asses up because this train is set to roll out.

And who better to run over with a hate train than the most hated, vile, disgusting, vomit-inducing shit-eating circle-jerking buckets of camel shit FaultnMore Hymens.

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Your week 8 hate guide *Patriots Edition!!!*

*For good measure I’m putting the disclaimer at the top. So yeah this article contains heaps of profanity and grandiose rage. If you are easily offended, this poast is probably not for you. By now you should know what you’re getting into. This is the Patriots edition, meaning it’s going to be extra ridiculous and hateful. If you have the internal fortitude to continue, Dive on in.

The hate guide is strong. Last week it provided our Steelers with a convincing win, and 60 minutes of football. As I cautioned us last week, we can’t let off the hate halfway through the game when we get an early lead. Again, we were up 14-0 and in the back of my mind I thought ‘’another easy game.’’

Except after applying the lessons in hatred we’ve learned over the last few weeks, the Steelers put 60 complete minutes into a game and made sure the Cardinals never actually threatened us in any way. This is what hate can do. It can overwhelm an opponent. It can reduce a possible defeat into a dominant victory. It can silence a crowd, it can blow out Beanie Wells’ leg.

And it can make the Ravens lose a game. Few things make me happier than when the Ravens lose. We are now officially on top of the AFC north, although to really seal the deal we need to take things to another level these couple of weeks.

This is the game you, my loyal readers, and fellow fans of the Steelers, have been waiting for. This is make or break time. This is our biggest game of the year so far, and it's time to nut up.

I decided to break tradition and provide the guide this late Tuesday night, just to make sure we've all had time to fuel up our hate shuttles for a blast off into our enemy's faces.

With that in mind, this hate guide is focused on our upcoming opponents:

Continue reading this post »

Your week 7 Hate guide.

*For good measure I’m putting the disclaimer at the top. So yeah this article contains heaps of profanity and grandiose rage. If you are easily offended, this poast is probably not for you. By now you should know what you’re getting into. But for the brave newcomers, put on your sarcasm and tongue in cheek armor.

Another week of hate, another victory for the Steelers. We continue taking care of business. I’m convinced there must be a reading before the game, because we are just tearing people up in the first half now. But Tomlin needs to re-read the hate guide for the second half. Or maybe I have to make two. I don’t know what to do. We start out on fire and destroy teams, then we lose the hate and the other team gets back at us. We dodged a bullet this week.

Folks, make sure you don’t lose your hate when you see us go up big early. That’s two weeks in a row that I sat there and said ‘looks like we get a blowout’ only to watch a nailbiter. I too am guilty of this. We shall hate for 60 minutes just as we expect our players to play for 60 minutes. That’s our mission this week: Hate and Play 60 minutes.

Speaking of 60 minutes I really hate that damn preview for it when they put that ticking stopwatch on the TV. Sound of it creeps me out. I guess I didn’t grow up in that age, my mental image of a stopwatch is a digital beep. When I hear that tick tick tick I just picture some terrorist about to blow himself up in America. It makes me feel scared and nervous. I hate it and it stanks. 60 minutes obviously is pro-terror.

But anyway, lets get into the games. Are you ready for some hatin? Put a clothespin on your nose cause these teams stank and I hate em like I’ve hated vegetables since I was a wee lad.

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As Stiller fans we have the great benefit of having the best team in history since the real NFL has existed. More championships, more division titles, more AFC championships, basically more everything in history. Yes, we're awesome. We know it.

And it kinda affects your judgment when it comes to looking at a season. Obviously we hope for Super Bowls every year. Some teams can't even HOPE for that. We want them and can get them, it's realistic. For teams like Detroit, before this season they only hoped to go 8-8. Hoped, to go 8-8. That was their dream.

However hopes and dreams aren't reality. And what I find to be an acceptable season is different from what I hope for. Obviously you can't win the SB every year. So what has to happen for you to be satisfied with the year? So I have decided to poll the nation. What's your definition of a successful season? Not necessarily what you WANT every year, but what you'll take and accept and be happy about.

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Now that we've made it past week 6 I think it's time to take a serious look at our playoff chances...

If the playoffs started today we'd be sitting on the couch all of next month. And that's something that isn't good to see folks. I don't know about you but I don't like our chances against the almighty Ravens and Pats coming to town in a few weeks. We still have to get all 3 phases of the game together. And we really should fire BA because he's a moron who can't call two halves of a game together to save his life. I bet he can't make a decent drink. There's no way in hell he could get the measurements right. Just get rid of his sorry ass. Our D still looks too old in places and guys like Timmons and Hood still aren't playing good enough.

Just kidding,

But lets get to looking at the current situation...

At the moment we have our division leaders:

Cheaters @ 5-1

San Diego @ 4-1

Baltimore @ 4-2

Tennessee @ 3-2

Wild Card 1: Cincinatti @ 4-2 (based on 4-1 conference record and tiebreaker with Bills)

Wild Card 2: Bills @ 4-2

First off this would totally be ridiculous if this happened. After all, you'd have a 3 win team in the playoffs while a 4 win team was sitting right there in both wild card slots. Jive Turkey I say.

The other teams in consideration include the Raiders and Steelers @ 4-2. Also the Texans and Jets are 3-3.

Fortunately we still have 2 games against Cincinnati, so if it got ugly we could certainly take two from them and knock them off the chart. The Bills are another story. They're playing quite well and just barely lost to cincy, but they'd have an advantage in strength of victory over us due to the quality of wins. Cincy and Pats are 9 games, our teams have just combined for a crisp 7 wins total (thats bad). The Bills if they continue their play could be a tough push for the WC.

On the good side Buffalo has a tough road to hoe with 2 games against the Jets, one more against the Pats. Plus a game against the Titans and road trips to Dallas and San Diego. Tough schedule. Ours is much lighter.

I believe the Bills falter, and we'll overtake Cincy. So I count both of these WC teams OUT.

That leaves the Raiders, Texans, and Jets as threats. The Texans are a real threat with the tiebreaker. Ideally they could go on to win the division but really if Hasslebeck stays healthy there's no guarantees. If they win the division their tiebreaker over us won't matter and we'd jump the Titans due to our win over them.

I think this will happen. I really don't see the Titans pulling a full season out of their asses. The Texans are better and can do it. I think the Texans are like the Steelers and the Titans are the Bengals. Its a perfect parallel.

So the Raiders and Jets are our chief competitors. The good thing is we already have a one game lead on the Jets. The Raiders have a medium strength schedule. 10 wins is not out of the realm of possibility here, in fact I'd say its likely. Figure a loss to SD once, maybe twice, a guaranteed loss to GB, good shot at losing to Detroit, and you got a 10-6 record there. Even if Detroit fades, or SD doesn't win twice, they'll let down a game on the road somewhere.

I don't think the Jets are for real, but even if they are they gotta face the pats and GO to Philly and Buffalo. The Giants and San Diego could give them fits with their run attacks. I can't see the Jets getting 10 wins this year, just doesn't seem likely. They'll be lucky to be 9-7.

Getting more to our situation, we have a fairly soft schedule save for NE and Baltimore, but both games are at home. I figure us to win one, not sure which yet, could be both though. From there as long as we don't have any let down games we'll probably make the playoffs as the 5-6 seed. To win the Division, we have a big problem. We have to beat Baltimore when they visit or they'll just dominate us in the tiebreaker column. Plus we'd be down 2 games assuming the season continues as so. Theres no way they collapse in a 3 game skid down the stretch.

Even if we DO beat them, winning out may not be enough. If we end up tied, we could have a problem.

If we win, and both teams win out, we'd tie the conference and division records. So next, the common games tiebreaker would come into effect, and we're tied there with our loss to Houston and theirs to Tennessee. Now I dont think both teams go 14-2, so the question is where does a loss come from? An in the conference loss would drop the tied team into second place. If both lose in conference, we go to Strength of Victory so that probably would be very close, and we could benefit from the Pats game if we win that. If we don't it'll be a tight tiebreaker because our schedules are very similar. They'd probably win it though because some of the top teams haven't been so good (Colts, Kansas City) whereas Baltimore beat the Jets and plays San Diego instead of the Pats. 

So basically you have to beat baltimore and win out to have a slim chance at the division, assuming Baltimore also wins out. Point is until Baltimore goes a game below us, we don't control our own destiny. Tiebreaker scenarios are ugly.

Fortunately the win count we'd need to take division would guarantee the 5th seed.

So here are my final predictions for 2011:

1. New England: 14-2   Can't stop this offense and i only feel they'll lose a key game against an AFC opponent.

2. Baltimore: 13-3         Will lose to a certain division rival but plow forward to take the Division T shirt and hat.

3. San Diego: 12-4       Will lose their first playoff game as usual

4. Houston Texans: 10-6 Manage to win a division for the first time in their lives. But they lose right away.

5. Steelers: 13-3          Jobbed from the 3 seed due to retarded rules, but they get their act together against an easy sched, ignited by a key win or two in the middle.

6. Oakland Raiders 10-6 Make the playoffs and win a game on top of it.

A rematch against the Texans proves rape filled and spankful

Steelers travel to, where else, Baltimore. Where we win, duh and or hello.

The Raiders continue their run and stuff the Pats on their turf.

And the Steelers revive a classic rivalry and advance to the Super Bowl against the Packers of Green Bay. Where they exact revenge.

It will be known as the Revenge Bowl. Beating 4 teams that have beaten you in some serious way either in this season or in history, it'll be an epic game worthy of the best hate guide I have to offer.

So yeah guys don't worry, we'll make the playoffs. Probably not with cool T-shirts and hats that say division champs. But those ones that say AFC champs. I bet baltimore's shirts are all worn out and faded and have holes in them and stuff.

By the way for the people that will inevitably poast or comment that it's far too early to think about the playoffs: Congratulations you've been trolled. This has been a Mechem Poast. it's my actual prediction, and a real serious investigation about something that I know will be about as valid as a check written by a hobo in 6 weeks.

But I hope you enjoyed.

This week I really want to see a lot of Hate. And you've probably already been pumped up by the Hate guide. But this week, I want YOU to speak. Tonight it hit me that we must unite under the great cloud of Hate. We need to hate as one. Nothing would inspire our team more than a collective cornucopia of carnal rage.

So while I will continue providing you with the necessary Hate for each week, I'd like to open the floor to my fellow fans and hear your Hate loud and clear. Tell us what team or player you hate and why. Hell tell us anything you hate. I don't really care what. Vent, rant, cry, scream, have a hissy fit, go to town. Let's keep throwing some fuel on this fire and watch our Steelers dismantle some Jagoffs this week.

And of course this page will probably get profane and naughty real fast so if you don't like that stuff don't continue on please.

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Your week 6 hate guide

*For good measure I’m putting the disclaimer at the top. So yeah this article contains heaps of profanity and grandiose rage. If you are easily offended, this poast is probably not for you. Also please put on your sarcasm/tongue-in-cheek goggles. God.

Well who’s laughing now Steeler nation? I personally feel the Hate Guide helps guide us towards victory. I felt flat on week one against the Ravens and the team also looked unmotivated. Week two came with renewed vigor and a prompt ass whooping. Week 5 tore the Ten Teeth Titans a new gaping asshole to be plugged with meth.

I even captured this photo of their expert niece molester / coach attempting to speak English.

Seriously this dude definitely dropped out of high school, impregnated his 16 year old girlfriend, and then dropped the baby and split town. Guy just seems like a walking derp machine.

So obviously the hate guide is important to the Steelers season. With this newfound responsibility I will make sure we march forward to victory with our Hate Tanks completely full. Hate would give your car like 200 miles to the gallon but oil companies don’t want you to do it. Hate would cure cancer (only nice smart people get cancer Duhhh). Hate can lead our football team to the playoffs and beyond.

So lets get crackin.

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Week 5 Hate Guide: Where we hate things. You know what it is (black and yellow black and yellow).

*For good measure I’m putting the disclaimer at the top, cause I’m a whole new level of enraged. So yeah this article contains heaps of profanity and grandiose fury. If you are easily offended, this poast is probably not for you. Also please put on your sarcasm/tongue-in-cheek goggles. God.

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I'd like to continue making people feel better about our situation. I already talked about the Run D which I feel will be fine, and I think our team will get better.

But this brief Poast doesn't consider the team so much as the rest of the AFC north

Lets take a gander at a few things that will help us make it to the playoffs this year. And not as a Wild Card

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Now, at the moment most of us are on Panic Island and considering suicide. It's understandable. I'm upset, my hate is building (you'll see it later this week) and I too am bothered and frustrated as you all are.

I think it's really important to examine WHY our Run D is faltering and in particular examine the players involved. So this is an in-depth view of our run D and it's various components.

And more importantly, the future I see for our D. Because I'm sick of hearing all the doom and gloom here, you might find solace in some good news.

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I've decided to add another regular bit to my posting. I provide you with hate in our weekly hate guide. But now I'd like to offer my thoughtages about our weekly performances. And just some of my observations in general. And of course, what I hated and stank.

Lets first off look at some of what I loved. Remember, everything good in moderation, even HATE. I'm really all about the love. Its the Yin to my Yang, the Cheech to my Chong, the Judas to my Jesus, and the Beer to my Glass.

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Welcome to your week 3 hate guide. Here we think about one thing, and one thing only: HATE. Obviously amping up the hate improved our performance in week 3, and if we want to continue our domination, we have to continue to HATE.

Last week's results were excellent, despite playing a Seahawks team that probably couldn't qualify for the BCS championship. Clearly the emotion and anger displayed by the Steelers in week 2 was lacking in week 1. Hopefully Tomlin is printing this out and distributing it to all his players so they can get hyped up for the next game. So with that in mind, let's propel our Steelers to another victory, And what a game it shall be.

As always we start with our Steelers, and then progress into each game's hatred factors. You know I hate em all and they stank, time for you to find out why!

If you're offended by disturbing imagery or excessive use of profanity, this poast isn't for you. Remember this is a Mechem Poast and you should activate your sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek filters now in order to fully enjoy this poast. And also if you like this poast, please say thank you to our fearless leader Mr. Bean who tolerates and edits my unchecked outbursts of rage. Thanks again sir!

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Coming off a great win against Seattle, it's hard to get too upset about anything. However, there was one moment where millions of lungs held still. A moment I would have rather not had. And if my reaction was any sort of national indicator, a lot of profanity and substance abuse followed in the next few minutes.

Of course I'm talking about Ben's close call on Sunday. We all saw his knee bend in, and I know what most of you were thinking: "Oh my god our season'' If that thought didn't cross your mind, you were either blitzed too hard to realize what was happening or you're related to Charlie Batch.

I wanted to make a little poast to help us gather just how important Big Ben is to our team at the moment, and what we need to do to make sure he stays alive. So that we stay alive.

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I decided to make a short poast about some of our players who I thought played really well yesterday given the circumstances. We needed a big day across the board, and really every player delivered. However this is not the top 3, but rather 3 that I felt maybe slid under the radar. I love these guys and they rock, and it felt so good to watch the Seacocks suck and become stanky before our very eyes.

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Folks I'd like to take a moment to apologize for last week. I was nowhere NEAR the level hate I should have been. Clearly our lack of hate and focus caused our team to suffer its worst loss in ages. This is the first time since I have been watching the Steelers that I've seen an 0-1 start. Pointing fingers doesn't help, raising your middle ones will. So lets get to it on a Wednesday. Get your rage face on because it's week 2 and we need to step it up! By the end of this write up if you don't want to disembowel your opponents family's with rusty nails there's something wrong with you!

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Good morning Stiller Nation! This is what we've endured baseball for, this is the moment of truth, this is week one of the futha mucking NFL season!!!

And with that it is time to crank the hate to the next level. You all saw my season preview, but now we're focused. Channeling that hate into the specific games every week. You must concentrate your hate for it to be effective, and allow me to guide you down the path of rage and anger.

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Me being a 21 year old who wasn't raised in the burgh, I havent been to many Steelers games. I only went as a teenager while living in Detroit.

I thought it would be cool to see who has been to a lot of games and who hasn't, and in particular those like me with only a few games, which ones they had seen as well.

So here are the games I've seen and my short comments on them. All of them were meaningful to me in a special way and I enjoyed each one. They made my season every time. Every year I went I felt like part of that team. And that was what made it so special. I never missed watching a game those years I went. I was so much more passionate I think. And more disappointed when we lost. It's interesting the impact it's had on me.

I miss going to games a lot now that I'm in Peru. I hope to go to one next season but this year it won't be possible. Fortunately I have a good buddy who hooks me up with some Direct TV so I won't be in the dark. Havent missed a game since I moved to Peru. It's been two years solid now.

So here we go. Can't wait for yours

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Mr Bean's front page post about Tomlin recently got me thinking about us becoming a new dynasty in football in general.

Bean touched on something that made me think bout the word Dynasty. And what it means for us.

When people name dynasties, they just usually think of the best team over the decade. Hence why we think of the Steelers in the 70's, 49ers in the 80's, Cowboys in the 90's, and recently (grr) the Pats of the 00's.

But in the midst of those teams, there are still 23 Super Bowls unaccounted for. Some have won a pair together like the Broncos and Dolphins. Many have a few wins scattered around like the Redskins, Raiders, and Packers. Still others have many losses and close calls, and yet a few havent even PLAYED in the Bowl.

That may be the NFL's definition. But my title is really more about us. Stiller Nation and its team. What is OUR definition of a Dynasty? And are these Steelers one? Will they be?

By the way this is one of my more serious and lengthy thought provoking poasts, so if you're looking for all the profanity and hate, please see the hate guide from before. I got it all out for now until Sept 11. BONUS HATE: We get to kill the Ravens in honor of killing Osama Bin Freaking Laden. That means clearly the Ravens hate America. And that Ray Lewis is probably Taliban, and Ed Reed's doo-rag is actually a Terror Hat! I hate em and they stank!

Had ya going there didn't I :)

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I thought I'd make a short poast about the new kickoff rule. First of all I hate it and it stanks mainly due to the principle on which it is based. And that is ''protecting the players.'' This facade has been eating away at me, as it is just another example of the pansyfication of America. Back in the old days you could knock teeth out, beat dudes up, and throw late hits. You could also say the word fag, spank your children, watch boxing, and use lead based paint. Seatbelts and helmets were suggestions and you could tell a woman to go put her curlers in without an HR complaint. Sadly these days are behind us. Fortunately we have a small rear-view mirror :)

But I digress...

This poast aims to examine the impact of this new rule on our Pittsburgh Steelers. Dive on in!

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Ahh it's that time again. Time for me to remind you why our 13 opponents this year are stanky and worthy of hate. I was worried I might not get to write this piece this year. But happily the lockout is over and now we can start to ponder football.

This may be one of the best years EVER for hate. We've had so much rage built up from the lockout. On top of that, we play two SB beotches in the Cards and Seahawks. Plus we get to play cheaters (Jags, Pats), annoying obese people (Cleveland, Indy) And wannabee contenders (STL and KC)

And really, isn't the best part of the game the passion for your team, and the vile hatred for another? I think so. Let's break it down!

Please be advised: If you allow your children to read this you are a bad parent. If you are a child, go ahead and read it, you're gonna learn some bad words when you get to middle school anyway. If you are of the Tony Dungy/Tim Tebow religious crowd you may want to stay away from this article. This is a Mechem Poast, any and all content after the jump is considered to be 100% factual and strongly confirmed by evidence. If you are offended by any of the words below, that's your problem and you should probably stop reading the internets. Have a nice day.

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