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DOES THE FEMALE FORM MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, MR. LEBOWSKI?

"I was like, 'Wait, what? Are you breaking up with me?'" - Former UFC ring girl Logan Stanton, let go by Zuffa this week. (MMA Fighting)

"Just to come straight up with nothing leading up to it? They didn't give me any warning; they didn't tell me why." - Stanton.  Foreplay, gentleman, it's important.

"We do it all the time. We let Edith (Labelle) go earlier this year, too." - UFC President Dana White, failing to mention they had to send Edith to the glue factory. (Las Vegas Sun)

"I don't think I want to publicly talk about why people were let go. (Logan and Natasha) are both great girls and I have nothing against them. It was just time to move on." - White. 

"I was definitely upset but at the same time, I was never going to make a career out of being a ring girl." - Stanton, after having a chance to collect her thoughts.  Just another Zuffa employee complaining about their pay.

"Going into it, I told the UFC that this is how I am and that I wasn't going to get fake boobs. I think they tried it out for a bit. Me and Natasha were the friendlier ones and I think now they want something sexier and curvier." - Stanton.  Speak for yourself honey.  I enjoy your nerdy look as much as the next guy, but to call Natasha lacking in the curve or sexy department?  Really?

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NatashaLogan

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Are you an attractive, female twenty-something with the physical ability to hoist a sign above your head while walking and looking for work with next to no responsibility?  Then you're in luck.  From MMA Madness:

MMAMADNESS.com has learned that both Natasha Wicks and Logan Stanton have been cut from the UFC as ring girls. Stanton’s contract expired after UFC 107 and the UFC chose not to renew it. Wicks was cut before the expiration of her contract. Ring girl Arianny Celeste will remain on with the organization; as her contract has been recently renegotiated- explaining her absense from UFC 107.

Madness also reports that former Playmate Chandella Powell (potentially NSFW Google image search) is being considered as the new (and only) replacement.

I'm sad to see them go.  Unlike the plastic cyborg before them, both Stanton and Wicks looked like real women and had a Hannah Storm-esque radiance to them.  I'm not going to try and figure out why Zuffa feels they aren't qualified to perform what amounts to menial and borderline degrading work.  Maybe Logan wanted to co-promote with Tampax or something.

Let's remember our fallen angels with our favorite pics in the comments.

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THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE

"When he realizes he doesn’t have that to go to, he’s gonna see a lot of punches coming really quick at him. It’s something I don’t think he’s prepared for." - UFC lightweight champ B.J. Penn, forecasting his fight with Diego Sanchez at UFC 107.  Penn ultimately dominated Sanchez for four-plus rounds, stopping the challenger due to a cut in the fifth round. (MMA Weekly)

"I think BJ’s better at everything Sanchez does." - Kenny Florian, victorious in his bout with Clay Guida, offering his analysis on the UFC 107 main event.  Penn outclassed Sanchez, who was unsuccessful in 27 takedown attempts and landed a meager 8 strikes throughout the fight. (The Lavar Arrington Show)

"He wants to portray himself as the crazy one; I think he’s just portraying himself as the weird one. And we’re gonna know which guy’s more crazy when we get into the Octagon." - Penn, supplementing his victory with his usual traditional of blood sucking and BJPenn.com pimping.

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Remember nine hours ago when I told you that B.J. Penn is scary good?  Yeah, I was right.  But hot damn, I didn't offer the superlatives that Penn deserves.

FightMetric released their report for last night's main event.  Even with the universally acknowledged dominating performance from Penn, the data is quite shocking.

Get this: Sanchez landed all of eight strikes throughout the duration of the fight.  Eight.  Penn landed more than eight jabs to the head in each round.  Let that sink in for a second.  Sanchez threw 108 strikes during the fight.  That's a success rate of 7%.

Meanwhile, B.J. landed 150 of 214 strikes for a land rate of 70%.  Gross.

In the grappling department, Sanchez attempted 27 takedowns*, completing zero. 

In the words of Shirley Evans, "He dominated your will, Rashad."

SBN coverage of UFC 107: Penn vs. Sanchez

* - If I'm not mistaken, FightMetric scores each individual pull or yank as a takedown attempt.  Meaning, if Sanchez grabs a hold of a single leg and yanks him away from the fence three times while maintaining control of said leg, he gets credit for three takedown attempts.

[UPDATED] From FightMetric's blog:

Question: When was the last time that BJ Penn got taken down while fighting at 155 pounds?

Answer: You have to go back more than six years to Penn's fight against Takanori Gomi. Lightweight opponents are 0 for their last 39 takedown attempts against BJ.

Wow.

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-B.J. Penn is scary good.  Penn made Diego Sanchez's face look like a Diaz brother by the end of this fight.  Sanchez offered no threat to B.J. at any point during the bout.  With no obvious contender waiting in the wings, it will be interesting to see who Dana White and Joe Silva find for Penn to fight.

-Three things jumped out to me in the final round of the main event.  One, Joe's use of the phrase "calm as glass".  Perhaps I'm a lowly philistine, but I'm unfamiliar with that bit of jargon.  Two, B.J. Penn threw a high kick.  I can't remember him ever doing that in the past.  Three, B.J. bitch slapped Diego sometime in the middle of the round when Diego latched on to a single.

-Alan Belcher may have the worst taste in MMA.  Pink shorts.  Awful Johnny Cash tattoo.  And then the Urijah Faber white-rows.  Ew.

-Call me a hater, but I'm still not entirely sold on Frank Mir as a legitimate heavyweight threat.  That being said, the performance was impressive.  The punch didn't look to rock Kongo as much as catch him off guard, and Frank was able to secure the guillotine in the ensuing scramble.  From there, Kongo moved or was forced to move the wrong way to defend the choke, and that was all she wrote.

-Fitch/Pierce went as anyone could have expected.  Pierce looked good in defeat, especially in the third round, but Fitch was just too big and too experienced for him.

-For a guy with as much energy as Clay Guida, he sure takes forever to takes his gear off and get in the cage.

-Can someone be unpredictable when their corner is screaming, "I need unpredictability!"

-Guida burping will go down as a legendary MMA gif.

-Kenny did exactly what I thought he needed to do to beat Clay.  Use footwork to maintain distance and pepper Clay with strikes.  Fantastic execution of a very smart gameplan.

-Clay gets beat up and subbed, gets up, and runs around.  Something's wrong with this guy.

-First thing I thought when I saw Buentello was that he did not look to be in shape.  I think that's what ultimately lost him the fight. 

-Mid-way during the third round I noted that Struve doesn't seem to make full use of his size.  He stood right in front of Buentello well within striking distance of the Headhunter.  Mike Goldberg's next comment?  "Struve does a good job keeping his opponent at distance!"  Huh?

-Final thought.  Dear fighters, please stop touching gloves mid-fight.  I don't care that you guys are excited about punching each other.  It's lame.

The Bad Beat Express hit me pretty hard when Jon Jones tried to surgically remove Matt Hamill's eyes from his face last week at the Ultimate Fighter 10 Finale.  A happy trigger finger on the "Confirm" button added a couple additional units to the play (that I wasn't thrilled about, but wasn't exactly sweating), making the swing sting that much worse.

It's always disappointing to be on losing end of these sorts of things, but take solace: Jones's performance qualified a bet at even the worst odds you might have been stuck with.

That being said, let's try to right the ship at UFC 107

B.J. Penn is severely undervalued.  Take a look at the best closing Penn lines since his fight with Jen Pulver: -330 vs. Pulver, -280 vs. Stevenson, -221 vs. Sherk, -230 vs. Florian.  Penn didn't just beat those four guys; he dominated each fight bell-to-bell.

It would be redundant to fondle Penn's junk in print.  We all know what he brings to the table: a preternatural sense for jiu jitsu, one of the top boxing games in all of MMA, a chin that Arlovksi would die for, and skin that would make Fedor superhuman.

But I do want to highlight one part of Penn's skill set (and take a stab at Mike Goldberg at the same time).  Penn not only has great hands, but he has fantastic striking defense.  Unlike what a certain UFC play-by-play man will say, good head movement does not involve tossing your head about willy-nilly two steps out of striking range.  Effective head movement should be so subtle as to go unnoticed to all but the most careful of viewers.  Penn utilizes his whole body to move just fractions of an inch away from incoming blows, giving him the balance and control to unload a counter combination in return.

Kenny Florian had it right in his prediction on D.C. radio.  B.J. Penn does everything that Sanchez does, but better.  I cannot envision a scenario in which Diego finishes B.J. - Penn has an iron chin if his defense were to be penetrated, and the idea of him being submitted by anyone at 155 must be laughed off, which puts him at a severe disadvantage in a five round fight.

Sanchez's lone advantage will be in the cardio department, which isn't enough to carry you to victory and will probably be overstated by fans and pundits alike.  Penn may still visibly tire as the fight wears on, but watch his fights at lightweight and tell me he isn't as effective in round four with Kenny Florian as he was in the opening period.  Sanchez will come out like a bat out of hell, but he doesn't keep that pace going throughout the fight. 

Penn is as dominant at 155 as Fedor at heavyweight, Anderson at 185, and GSP at 170.  For whatever reason, the linesmakers don't seem to grasp that (and apparently the betting public hasn't either, the line hasn't moved as far as I would expect).  So, unload as much as you can tolerably risk.  Stick him in parlays.  Take the KO or submission props over at Bookmaker.  If there's a bet to be had and Penn is involved, hand over you money.

SBN coverage of UFC 107: Penn vs. Sanchez

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Two things struck me following Kimbo Slice's victory over Houston Alexander.  First, the UFC did an amazing job finding someone that Kimbo could outgrapple.  Second, the athletic commissions need to inform their officials that 10-10 is suitable scoring for a round.

FightMetric released their analysis of the fight.  The Effectiveness Scores by round as follows:

Those scores extrapolate to a 30-29 score under the ten-point must system, with rounds one and three being scored 10-10 and Slice taking round two.

There's been a mild uproar about the judge who scored the bout 30-27 for Slice.  Looking at the numbers, however, and I would argue that any controversy should center on the continued resistance of the judges to score a round 10-10.

While FightMetric's Effectiveness Score ended up as a dead tie in round three, round one makes a better case for a 10-10 score (and a round I scored 10-10 live).  As the volume of offense increases, it becomes less difficult to separate the winning fighter from the losing fighter, even if they ultimately land a similar amount of offense.  Round one, on the other hand, was such an anemic period it drew comparisons to Kalib Starnes' infamous performance against Nate Quarry.

The futility of the round breakdowns as follows (by amount of strikes landed):

Ouch.

And just when we all thought we were in for a snooze fest, Slice and Alexander picked up the pace in round two.  The two combined to line 39 strikes in the frame, but the real surprise came three minutes into the round when Kimbo hit a thunderous suplex that would make Scott Steiner proud.

Slice demonstrated his grappling value, scoring three takedowns in the round, gaining mount and back control twice, and getting credit for a rear naked choke attempt.  It seemed intuitive that Alexander, a veteran of fifteen fights, would be able to handle himself on the floor, if the fight somehow turned in that direction.  Whether it was Kimbo's time at ATT or the size advantage he held over the natural light heavyweight in Alexander, those prognostications couldn't have been further from the truth.

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THE PLAQUE FOR THE ALTERNATES IS DOWN IN THE LADIES' ROOM

"I would have booed, too." - Kimbo Slice, on his fight with Houston Alexander at the TUF 10 finale.  Alexander's strategy would be best described as a lovechild between Kalib Starnes and Forrest Griffin. (Sherdog)

"I don’t know what Houston Alexander’s corner was doing, but that was the worst game plan they could have ever come up with." - UFC President Dana White.  Houston was not following the gameplan. (Yahoo)

"I am not sure if Kalib Starnes was training him or what, but that wasn’t the Houston Alexander I had seen fight before." - White.  You mean the Houston Alexander that got insta-mounted by Thiago Silva or the one that James Irvin blasted in eight seconds?

"He took me up on the offer I made, did what he had to do and went out and beat a legitimate UFC fighter." - White, on Kimbo's merit.  I don't think "legitimate" means what Dana thinks it does.

"This will probably end up being knockout of the night, but it's going to be me, doing the knocking out." - Alexander, in the buildup to the fight.  The only guy knocked out in this fight was Houston, right out of the UFC's good graces.

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It's that time of year again.  Mom's calling you off the hook, badgering you to get your Christmas list to Grandma if you want anything worthwhile.  And while Grandma can't put together that cross-promotional superfight, we can still pray to the MMA Gods here on Bloody Elbow. 

Without further adieu, my top 5 wants for 2010:

1. Fedor Emelianenko vs. Brock Lesnar - This isn't as far off as it might seem at first glance.  Emelianenko's contract with Strikeforce (and the management aspect of M-1) only lasts two more fights, making a 2010 year-end UFC supershow feasible, if unlikely.  While the fight doesn't need any additional hype, the sheer amount of angles that one could take is astounding.  You've got Pride vs. UFC.  Russia vs. America.  Size and strength vs. technique and experience.  Brash confidence vs. humble stoicism.  NCAA wrestling vs. Russian Sambo.  It may not be Mayweather/Pacquiao, but it's the closest MMA can come for some time.

2. WEC integration into the UFC - In the main event of WEC 44, Mike Brown and Jose Aldo, two of the best pound-for-pound fighters on the planet, made a combined $41,000.  Three days later, meddling midcard middleweight Kendall Grove made $44,000 fighting a prelim fight at UFC 106.  The only thing standing in the way of big paydays for Brown and Aldo is a TV deal and a three lettered acronym.  It's time to put the facade to rest.

3. The end of the Ultimate Fighter - I'll admit that I was psyched for this past season of TUF.  Kimbo, Roy Nelson, and a bunch of million dollar athletes in the house.  What more could we ask for?  Well, conditioning for one.  Less Kimblotation for another.  By the end of the season, I was watching more or less out of habit.  You can only polish a turd so much.  The show will never create megastars like Forrest Griffin and Diego Sanchez again.  Instead, it 1) provides cheap ratings for Spike and 2) allows the UFC to showcase a couple of fighters it planned on bringing in.  Just cut out the middle man, sign the fighters you want, and put more fight cards on Spike.

4. Regulation in 50 states - In 2000, New Jersey became the first state to regulate the sport of mixed martial arts.  Ten years later, not only has the entire country failed to jump on board, but New York, home of Madison Square Garden, has still yet to recognize the sport.  Politicians have never been the vanguard of forward thinking, but they need to realize this: MMA isn't going anywhere.  It's not the fringe outlaw sport it was at the turn of the millennium.  It's a legitimate athletic endeavor covered from ESPN to the New York Times.  A refusal to regulate only hurts the participants, who must rely on the local promoter to get paid timely (if at all) and provide proper medical support.

5. A cure for staph infection - I hope someone cooks up a cure if only so I don't have to look at pictures of stab wounds in Kevin Randleman's ribs or a baby alien growing out of "Mayhem" Miller's neck.  Maybe I really should be wishing that gyms start investing in some bleach to clean up their mats, I don't know, all the time?  Whatever the case, I hope the disease goes away once and for all.

Let's see your lists in the comments.

Looking back on this season, it'll be highlighted by three things: Kimbo Slice, Matt Mitrione's constant injury problems, and fighters gassing like oil lanterns. 

And guess what, crackers, we get two hours of it this week!  Hoo-f'n-ray!

Brendan Schaub, surprise surprise, joins Roy Nelson in the semi-finals.  This week we found out which pair of James McSweeney, Marcus Jones, Darrill "Military Titties" Schoonover, and Matt Mitrione (?) join them.

Like I said last week, you've made it this far.  You know you're gonna tune in and watch all two hours, hating yourself all the while. So join us at 9:00 PM EST to discuss episode 11!