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Around SBN: USA Vs. Brazil: Seleção Outclasses The USMNT In 4-1 Win

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Mike Garza

Aug 18, 2009 May 31, 2012 61 2017

I like things.

a fan of

Oakland Athletics Major League Baseball Team

Sacramento Kings National Basketball Association Team

Oakland Raiders National Football League Team

Notre Dame Fighting Irish NCAA Men's Football Division 1A Team

North Carolina Tar Heels NCAA Men's Basketball Division 1 Team

Jimmie Johnson NASCAR Driver(s)

Nick Diaz, Nate Diaz, Don Frye, Brock Lesnar, BJ Penn, Dustin Hazelett, Jon Fitch, Joachim Hansen, Gilbert Melendez, Fedor, Randy Couture, Urijah Faber, Miguel Angel Torres Mixed Martial Artist(s)

San Jose Sharks National Hockey League Team

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Sactown Royalty Honest question: How scared are you this time?


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"Hey David, how do you like our new 2% throwbacks?"


I'm a pessimist by nature. It's something I struggle with on a daily basis, but it's still there and probably always will be. When Mayor KJ went to New York last year I was convinced he was wasting his time and that the Maloof family had secured their one way ticket to Anaheim. When KJ got the BoG to take a second look at Sacramento I thought it was just a temporary reprieve. Then things started to fall into place, one after the other, and slowly my mood changed, culminating in the glorious evening where our city council voted 7-2 in favor of moving forward and I at last allowed sunshine to enter my soul unfettered. And then, of course, the Maloof family once again took a piss in our collective Cheerios.

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Sactown Royalty BLACKOUT CONTEST: Picking yourself up off the mat


In life we tend to get separated into two piles: Winners and losers. Though society likes to believe that the main difference between the two distinctions is financial health, they are incorrect. What separates a winner from a loser is how one chooses to overcome their obstacles. No one makes it through this life without tasting adversity. All of us will at some point or another get sucker punched by life and be knocked down. The loser stays on the mat and complains about how unfair life is. The winner picks him or herself up off the mat, refuses to dust themselves off and kicks life square in the ass. As Sacramento Kings fans, we have become all too accustomed with the mat. And yet, time and time again, we rise back to our feet, crack our necks back into place and seek out retribution on those who have done us wrong. It is simply what we do.

We have seen the darkest of days. We've lived through true tragedies such as Ricky Berry taking his own life and Bobby Hurley going through the windshield. We've lived through basketball tragedies, as well. Be it Robert Horry stabbing us in the heart or having a head coach try to sell us on "Desmond Mason: Defensive Stopper", we have had more than our share of gut wrenching moments on the court. And though our glory days were over all too quickly, they made every moment of our suffering worth the while. I will take the memories of Vlade embracing Webb or Peja after a big shot to my grave. Those are memories no one can ever take from me. Not the Maloofs running things on a shoestring budget. Not Anaheim. Not John Salmons dribbling out the shot clock. Those memories belong to us, and always will.

Although the Kings never reached the top of the mountain, the brief glimpse of what lays there is what allows us to dream of what we will do when we finally get there. We will storm the court of our newly constructed arena, cheering loudly, high fiving and hugging total strangers simply because they're wearing purple and black. We will march down to Cesar Chavez Park and celebrate. We will chant SA-CRA-MENTO (clap clap clapclapclap) as Mayor Johnson helps raise our championship banner to the ceiling. Then the rest of America will know what all of us have known for years: Sacramento is a winner. We've been knocked down. We've gotten back to our feet. Now we're looking for the bastard who sucker punched us. It's time to even the score.

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Join me in bidding The Panda a not-so-fond farewell.

5 months ago Ducktalesmoney_tiny Mike Garza 4 comments

Silver And Black Pride The Return of Drunk Daddy

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Football fandom is supposed to be fun. It's meant to distract us from our miserable lives, not reinforce the worst qualities of them. It's supposed be something light hearted, not a soul killing experience. Football is supposed to supplement our enjoyment, not be an emotional burden. And yet that is exactly what football has become for me. You see, it's the Holiday Season, and Raider Fan's alcoholic dad just fell off the wagon. Now some of you reading this are probably saying to yourselves "How dare this clown make fun of a real issue like alcoholism! My father is an alcoholic!". I'm not mocking alcoholism. Far from it. My dad is a recovering alcoholic, so I've been down that road. Here's the thing: I'm drawing an illustration using an extreme like alcoholism to prove a point, and you're going to have to deal with it. So do us all a solid and turn in your outrage badge for a few minutes and revel in my malaise. Or don't. I don't care.

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4 comments  |  1 recs | 

It's official! I've found love!

7 months ago Ducktalesmoney_tiny Mike Garza 4 comments 1 recs

My best attempt at an obituary to the greatest owner in pro sports.

8 months ago Ducktalesmoney_tiny Mike Garza 0 comments

Silver And Black Pride An effort to change things up a bit: The argument for and against Ochocinco


I'm as... apprehensive about the dismissal of Tom Cable as most of us are, but it's a done deal. Good or bad, it's done and we're going to have to live with the consequences. As we look forward to a season that may not happen, it's hard to not think about the lack of a true #1 receiver. Chad Ochocinco is likely on his way out of Cincy. Does he fit the Raider mold? Yes... and no. 

Points in Chad's favor

- He has swagger. Al Davis loves him some swagger. Brash and vocal, he'd have no problem assuming a leadership role.

- He has a chip on his shoulder. Al wrote the book on NFL reclamation projects, and Chad fits the bill of the typical vet who comes to Oakland to reclaim past glory.

- Last season aside, he's been relatively healthy. His injuries haven't been debilitating knee injuries like the last aging wideout that Uncle Al backed the Binks truck up to *cough*JavonWalker*cough*, and he could still have 2-3 more productive seasons left in the tank.

- He's desperate to win. I'm not saying all NFL players don't want to win, but there are clearly guys who take losing more personal than others do. This last season was a total drain on Chad, and it clearly affected his relationship with Marv Lewis and Carson Palmer. He knows he probably won't be able to win longterm in Cincy and needs a change of scenery.

Points that work against Chad

- Dude is nuts. Bat shit insane, even. His antics range from humorous to flat out destructive. A goofy cat can be a good thing to add to a locker room. It can also end up ruining chemistry. 

- He's going to turn 33 next week. Again, the memory of Javon Walker is still fresh in the minds of us all. While Chad isn't half the physical risk that Walker is, there is still a strong chance that he'll get old overnight or just be a huge pain in the ass, Randy Moss-style. His best years, physically, are behind him.

- He MAY have quite on the Bengals down the stretch. I cannot stress the word MAY enough here. Marv Lewis isn't a team doctor, and he very well may have just been frustrated at having to have dealt with Chad's bullshit for so long, but when a coach publicly questions the validity of player's injury, well, that's a red flag. We've seen players quit on the team before here in The Nation, and it's never pretty.

My amateur conclusion: No thanks.

I love Ochocinco, and last year I would've been downright giddy to see him put on the Silver and Black. But at the end of the day I'm not convinced that the reward outweighs the risk. Best case, he'd be a solid aging star possession receiver who DHB, Chaz, Lou, Jacoby and the like could look up to, much like Jerry Rice when he crossed The Bay and became one of us. Worst case scenario, he'd be a pompous, injury prone jackass who DHB, Chaz, Lou, Jacoby and the like could look at with disgust, much like Randy Moss. A team that is already going to be enduring one painful transition doesn't need this type of potential distraction. 

What are the thoughts of my brothers and sisters? Any other points for or against Chad? I'd love to see what some of the pro-Chad crowd thinks.

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Silver And Black Pride Kyle Boller?


KYLE FUCKING BOLLER? C'mon Al, give us SOMETHING to be hopeful for. The draft isn't even here yet and he's already trying to drain any enthusiasm. We get it, Al. Once upon a time you managed to grab Plunkett off of the scrap heap and won some Super Bowls. Here's a news flash: Boller ain't Plunkett. Neither is Bruce. Neither is Frye. Neither is Losman. For the love of God...

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Cageside Seats Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart: Two Destinies Forever Intertwined

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Whether he wants to admit it or not, Bret Hart needed Shawn Michaels. And whether or not Shawn believes it, he needed Bret just as much. The intense distrust, the backstabbing and the flat out hatred they had for each other is well chronicled in wrestling history. Books and documentaries have been published on the subject. And now, it's all over.

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Cageside Seats One on One with VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON on WWE NXT (parody)

 

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As the taxi pulled up to the huge, twin towers I had to remind myself to breath. I have interviewed some famous people over the years, but Vince McMahon is not your typical famous person. He's a billionaire. He's a pioneer in his industry. He is the greatest wrestling promoter to ever live. Above all, he is a volatile personality, and I had to always be aware of this when asking him questions. The last thing I wanted was to get into a confrontation with an old dude who could whip my ass.

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Cageside Seats Panic Grips the iMPACT! Zone

 

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When faced with change, wrestling fans tend to reach a level of overreaction unseen in any other form of entertainment. The drones who inhabit the iMPACT! Zone are no different. Here is the story of one such individual.


 

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Cageside Seats 5 Things That Should Interest All Wrestling Fans in 2010

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As the new year opens the landscape of pro wrestling in the United States finds itself in a state of flux. A number of things are currently taking place that could potentially shape the future of the industry.

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Cageside Seats Magnificent Moment for 11-23

If Don Muraco had a fatal flaw it was that his beach bum persona was far more reality than gimmick and he was prone to lengthy bouts of not giving a damn. Here's a brawl versus Roddy Piper where Don was in the midst of one of his lulls. Out of shape and blown up, he still managed to put on a decent match, thanks in no small part to Mr. Fuji.


 


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Cageside Seats Magnificent Moment for 11-21

Today we see Don cutting a promo on Canada.




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Cageside Seats My Totally Fearless (and Clueless) UFC 106 Predictions

 

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What was at one point a very interesting card headlined by a title match and a fun under card is now a show featuring a main event rematch that the world hasn't really been begging for and a fun under card. Either way you slice it, UFC 106 has the potential to be a good show.

TITO ORTIZ VS FORREST GRIFFIN

Tito Ortiz makes his return to competition against Forrest Griffin in the rematch of their 2006 brawl that saw Ortiz win by split decision. Griffin is coming off of his monumentally poor performance against Anderson Silva which saw Forrest get completely and totally outclassed before running away from the octagon after the fight. While Forrest is hardly the first guy to look like crap against Silva, this fight will go a long way in telling us where his career is headed. A convincing win against Tito and Forrest likely remains near the top of the card. A loss could send him tumbling. While I'm convinced we'll never see Forrest fighting anywhere other than the UFC, there is going to come a time where his skills will start to erode and he'll have to come to grips with not being what he once was. Has that time already come? I don't believe it has, but coming off back to back loses is a position no fighter likes to find himself in. A win here for Forrest and he silences the doubters for a while. A loss and the murmurs will start getting louder. Tito is in a no-lose situation. Having squashed his beef with Dana, Tito is now in line to get the Chuck Liddell treatment from here on out. The future hall of famer already has a win over Griffin, and a narrow defeat here sets up a rubber match. He's supposedly healthy now following back surgery, and a return to form could have a huge impact on the division. Even a devastating KO isn't the end of the world for Tito, as he'll likely wind up spending the rest of his career fighting cans or fellow members of the light heavyweight over the hill club. Forrest needs this one badly, and it'll be interesting to see how he responds. MY PREDICTION: FORREST BY TKO R2

 

ANTHONY JOHNSON VS JOSH KOSCHECK

Johnson comes in after horribly missing weight in his fight last month against the much smaller Yoshiuki Yoshida. Koscheck himself is coming off of his first round demolition against former contender Frank Trigg. If this fight stays standing up Koscheck will get destroyed. If Kos gets it to the ground it'll be his fight to lose. Johnson is bigger and stronger, so I don't see this one going Koscheck's way. MY PREDICTION: JOHNSON BY DECISION

PHIL BARONI VS AMIR SADOLLAH

MMA journeyman Phil Baroni makes his UFC return against The Ultimate Fighter Season 7 winner Amir Sadollah. Sadollah's last fight saw him lose in 29 seconds to Johny Hendricks back in August in a fight that a lot of people think was stopped too early. Early stoppage or not, Amir found himself in a bad position really early in the fight and has a lot of work to do if he wants to stay in the UFC. A loss here and he'll have a seat reserved right next to Mac Danzig on the bus ride to Prelimville. The signing of Baroni was sort of perplexing in that he's not a very good fighter. He hasn't had a big win in almost 4 years, and win here doesn't prove very much other than he was able to beat a guy in his third pro bout. He's about as middle of the road as one can get in MMA. Still, he stands up and throws his hands which always makes him dangerous. This is a make or break moment for Amir. MY PREDICTION: BARONI BY TKO R1

LUIZ CANE VS ANTONIO ROGERIO NOGUEIRA

Cane is currently on a 3 fight winning streak, most recently beating Steve Cantwell by decision back in April. The Brazilian knock out artist will face stiff competition in the form of Little Nog, who is making his UFC debut and has a 5 fight winning streak of his own. The only way Cane wins this is by knocking Minotouro out, something that has happened all of one time in his career. I don't think we're going to be seeing number 2 Saturday night. MY PREDICITION: LITTLE NOG BY SUBMISSION R2

PAULO THIAGO VS JACOB VOLKMAN

The reason this fight is on the main card is due to Karo Parisyan and his ongoing failure to be a normal person, thus robbing the world of another Judo vs BJJ match up. Thanks for nothing, Karo. Thiago is coming off the first loss of his career, a unanimous decision to Jon Fitch back in February. Volkman is making his UFC debut with a perfect 9-0 record. Both men a BJJ aces, and this one figures to be a great ground battle. Still, I'm saddened that I won't be able to see Karo and Hazelett. MY PREDICTION: THIAGO BY TKO R1.

MARCUS DAVIS VS BEN SAUNDERS

Ben Saunders was TKOed by Mike Swick back in June and is guaranteed to have a brawl on his hands with Davis who is also coming off of a June loss. Saunders is much bigger than Davis and if he gets his Thai clinch working Davis is screwed. MY PREDICTION: SAUNDERS BY DECISION

KENDALL GROVE VS JAKE ROSHOLT

Ever since winning The Ultimate Fighter Season Three Kendall Grove has been unable to win a big fight. After dropping a unanimous decision to Ricardo Almeida in August he now finds himself in a similar "must win" position as the one facing Amir Sadollah. He has all the tools and quite frankly should be much better than he is yet, for whatever reason, he can't put it together. He faces former Division I wrestler Jake Rosholt who defeated Chris Leben by arm triangle back in August. Take downs are his specialty and Grove's take down defense is highly suspect after being taken down at will by Almeida. I see another loss for Grove. MY PREDICTION: ROSHOLT BY BORING DECISION

I don't really care enough about the untelevised prelims to make predictions. Sue me.

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Cageside Seats Magnificent Moment for 11-20


Muraco + Piper= the one of the greatest cocaine fueled promos ever. I loved Piper's Herb Tarlek suits he wore in the early 80's.


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Cageside Seats Parisyan vs Hazelett bout off, Parisyan's UFC future in doubt

 

 

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One would think having a nine month layoff due to a drug suspension would give a normal person plenty of time to prepare for a fight. Karo Parisyan is nothing approaching normal. The UFC vet and decorated Judo black belt pulled out of his scheduled fight with Dustin Hazelett one day before the weigh-ins for UFC 106 were to take place. Dana White, who has put up with Karo's nonsense for years, has finally seen enough and announced Karo's dismissal via Twitter:

Karo Parisyan has fucked over the UFC, the fans and his opponent again!!! He will not be fighting ever again in the UFC!!


He offered no specifics at the time, but followed up his previous tweet with this

Pulled out of the fight the day before the weigh ins again with a laundry list of excuses!!! Let the press ask karo why! Let him explain.

So ends the stormy UFC run for a talented but mentally jacked up dude.

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Cageside Seats Your Magnificent Moment for 11-19

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Don Muraco is one of the most underrated wresters of all time. He was highly charismatic and one hell of a worker. Unfortunately, his career was on the downside by the time pro wrestling was beginning to peak and he missed out on main stream exposure. Many younger wrestling fans have no clue who he is. For the next few weeks I'm going to be bringing you videos highlights from the stellar career of The Magnificent Don Muraco. Here's a promo where Don grows frustrated by Tito Santana not taking his race bait.


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Cageside Seats Shane Carwin: Classy Dude

 

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Allow me to preface this post by saying that I am SUPER ULTRA #1 Brock Lesnar fan and would love nothing more than to see him smash each and every opponent into teeny, tiny pieces. Having said that, I totally understand why people hate him. He is an asshole. He is cocky. He seems to believe that he's doing MMA a favor just by being there. He is very easy to hate, and really doesn't give a damn if you love him or hate him. He fights for the money and nothing else. That's what makes these comments from Shane Carwin's blog that much more stunning.

 

I am sure most of you know I am not the leader of the Lesnar Fan Club. That being said, antics or not, he is OUR UFC HWT Champion. He beat a future Hall of Famer to keep that belt and he NEEDS our prayers and good thoughts right now ... Brock has a wife, kid, and friends that depend on him to make their lives better. You do not have to support Brock and his antics but you should have respect for the human side of what is happening here.  Talk of stripping a man of his title due to illness will set this sport back farther then anything Brock has ever said. We need our Champions healthy and defending. I know the show will go on but to be a Champion you must beat a Champion ... If you sit around bashing Brock or making fun of this because of his antics you might be the very same thing you despise. As an MMA fan, as a human be concerned that one of OUR OWN has fallen and needs our support.

Other than Brock, the person whose career is being impacted by this situation is Carwin. Undefeated and with a head full of momentum, a win over Brock would have meant a lot more money in his pocket, not to mention the affection of legions of fans who want to see Lesnar humbled. For him to take the high road here and offer Brock and his family support and warm thoughts speaks highly to his character. It's nice to see sportsmanship like this. Too bad Brock probably doesn't give a damn.

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Cageside Seats America, Meet Strikeforce

 

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As a resident of Northern California and a fan of grown men punching each other in the face, I have a vested interest in the success of Strikeforce. Watching the promotion grow over the last few years has been an amazing experience. Rather than over extend itself by growing at an accelerated rate, the powers that be at Strikeforce have slowly moved the company along one step at a time. Tomorrow night, Strikeforce takes its biggest step yet by making its prime time debut. Normally a promotion would be sweating bullets the night before a show of this magnitude, and I'm certain there is a level of anxiety being felt by everyone involved with the show. However, when one half of your main event is the #1 heavyweight in the world and the baddest dude on the planet, what do you have to worry about? Fedor is coming to network television. While an unproven PPV draw here in the States, Fedor has a chance to capture the attention of casual fight fans. People who have heard of Fedor but got into MMA post-PRIDE and never watched Affliction will finally get their chance to see him in action against an absolute monster in Brett Rogers. And here's the best part: It's free. The UFC is countering this by throwing together a bunch of main events that have already happened, which is pretty much what they air on Spike every Saturday as it is. Make no mistake about it. The UFC may not view Strikeforce as a competitor yet, but if Scott Coker and company continue to put together quality cards like the one they have planned for tomorrow that will change. Here's a quick rundown of the loaded televised card.

Fedor Emelianenko vs. Brett Rogers

Jason "Mayhem" Miller vs. Jake Shields (for the Strikeforce middleweight title vacated by Cung Le)

Gegard Mousasi vs. Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou (non-title match)

Antonio Silva vs. Fabricio Werdum

My only gripe about the card is the Mousasi/Sokoudjou fight being a non-title affair. Seriously, Strikeforce. This is MMA, not the WWE. Don't waste the fans time with non-title fights. I could see you not wanting to give Sokoudjou a title shot this soon, so why not put Mousasi in there with someone who actually deserves a title shot? They did this crap with Bobby Southworth and Anthony Ruiz, and Ruiz ended up winning by a cut stoppage. So now you have a title holder who lost his last fight, yet still holds the belt. I'm sure there are underlying circumstances as to why the fight is non-title, I just don't like it. That minor complaint aside, this show looks great on paper. We have yet to see Rogers face a real test. How will he respond if/when Fedor gets him to the ground? Can his chin handle a Fedor right? We'll find out tomorrow. Mayhem Miller returns to the U.S. tomorrow and faces Jake Shields for the Strikeforce middleweight title that was vacated (FINALLY) by Cung Le a few months ago in what should be an awesome fight. Gegard Mousasi made his American debut by blitzing right through Babalu Sobral and winning the Strikeforce light heavyweight title back in August. He faces Judo player and father of 14 children Sokoudjou, fresh off an ass whooping of Bob Sapp last month. Mousasi is the overwhelming favorite, but that's why they fight the fights. And in the last scheduled TV fight, disgraced former EliteXC heavyweight champion Antonio "Bigfoot" Silva returns to America for the first time since failing a steroid test in July of 2008. He faces former UFC contender and BJJ ace Fabricio Werdum, who is coming off of a 1st round submission victory over Mike Kyle back in August. This is a show you don't want to miss.

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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #1

 

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We have finally made it to the finish line! Who comes in at #1 on our list of the 31 greatest monsters of pro wrestling?

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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #2

 

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BRUISER BRODY

One of the most intimidating and merciless men both in and out of the ring, Bruiser Brody was a wrestling nomad who bounced from territory to territory and continent to continent. Known for being incredibly stiff in the ring and a notorious hard ass backstage, he was a polarizing figure. As far as wrestlers went he was one of the best big guys ever and induced fear in both the fans and his opponents. Everywhere he went he drew money. Of course, he never stayed anywhere too long for fear of growing stale and also because he had a habit of going into business for himself and not doing jobs. He was a promoters greatest asset and also his biggest headache. Unfortunately for us, Brody was shanked and bled to death in a Puerto Rican locker room by eternal douche bag Jose Gonzalez. A wild eyed, crazy haired, chain swinging mad man, Bruiser Brody shattered the mold of what a monster looked like and blurred the line between reality and entertainment. They don't make 'em like him anymore. Here's a match between him and a VEEEEEERY young Undertaker as well as an awesome brawl between Brody and Terry Funk. We're almost to the end of Monster Month! Come back tomorrow to see who clinched the top spot on our list of the top monsters in the history of pro wrestling.

 




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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #3

 

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SID VICIOUS

Psycho Sid. Sid Justice. Sid Vicious. Sid Eudy. Master and Ruler. The dude who put his leg on backwards. These are all titles that Sid answers to. I would say that Sid is my greatest "guilty pleasure" but I find no guilt in being a fan of his. At 6'9 he casts an ominous shadow over the world. Bad enough to attack a man with a pair of scissors or a squeegee, Sid fears no one walking the Earth. I have a dream of one day seeing Sid show up on Raw and him powerbombing CM Punk off of the stage. Yes, I'm aware that Punk is on Smackdown now. This is my dream so BACK OFF. The only thing that equals his love for death and destruction is his love of softball. WWF, ECW, WCW, Sid has been there and curb stomped that. The man who single handedly keeps Body Glove in business and makes the fist bump cool. Bow down before your master and ruler!

 


 


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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #'s 5 & 4

 

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The end of the road is rapidly approaching for Cageside Seats Monster Month. Who comes in at #'s 5 and 4 on our list of the top monsters in the history of professional wrestling?

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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month Mega Edition #'s 10-6

 

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Just when you thought Monster Madness had finally died... It's BAAAAAAAACK. Jump on in and see who came in at #'s 10-6 on our list of the 31 greatest monsters in the history of pro wrestling.

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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #11

 

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GIANT GONZALEZ

He was tall. He was ugly. He was slow. But most of all, he was AWFUL. Debuting in WCW as El Gigante in 1990, it soon became apparent that young Jose Gonzalez had zero wrestling ability, yet he hung around for three years before Vince McMahon signed him and for some unfathomable reason thought the world needed to see an Undertaker vs Giant Gonzalez feud. Vince was wrong. The feud, though featuring the use of CHLOROFORM and the wearing of a hairy bodysuit, failed, and Gonzalez was gone 9 months later. Here's both of his PPV matches with the Undertaker. I'd tell you to enjoy the matches, but that ain't happening.





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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #12

 

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JASON THE TERRIBLE

Karl Moffat's Jason the Terrible character was completely and totally unoriginal, yet fairly effective. He dressed as Friday the 13th villain Jason Vorhees, complete with chainsaw and hockey mask. He bled buckets and made his opponents opponents bleed buckets. He wasn't much of a wrestler, but he was a pretty competent brawler. According to Bret Hart's book he was kind of a dick, but Bret is a bitter old drama hag, so take that for what you will. Later on some other dude took the gimmick. So yeah. Here's some of his brawls.

 




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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #13

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THE YETI

Yeti- n.  A hairy humanlike animal reportedly inhabiting the snows of the high Himalaya Mountains. Also called Abominable Snowman.

Nowhere in the definition of the word "Yeti" do you see anything even close to mummy-like. Nothing. And yet WCW decided to name a man dressed entirely like a mummy "The Yeti". I am left to assume that no one in power in WCW in the year 1995 had access to a dictionary. Or a globe. Or common sense. Meet yet another member of Kevin Sullivan's suckfest known as The Dungeon of Doom. The Yeti was played by 7'0 waste of sperm Ron Reis who later went on to suck as Reese in Raven's Flock. Ron Reis was really bad at pro wrestling, but at least he contributed to two of the most hilariously awful moments in WCW history. Since I love you all, I have tracked down those two moments. Have fun!

 


 

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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #14

 

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LEATHERFACE

In the history of professional wrestling there have been maybe 5 or 6 original ideas. Everything else has been a rehashing of a previous idea with varying degrees of success. So the fact that a wrestling character was based DIRECTLY on a movie character should come as a shock to literally no one. Mike Kirchner enjoyed modest success in the WWF in the mid 80's as Corporal Kirchner before flunking a drug test and losing his job. He headed to Japan and took on the Leatherface persona and did OK, although he did have some controversial moments. In one instance he beat the living hell out of a fan and did a stint in jail. Later on he went nuts during a deathmatch and leg dropped a piece of a bed of nails onto the throat of Hiroshi Ono before powerbombing Ono onto the bed of nails. Yeah. Apparently he still works from time to time, popping up in the ICP garbage promotion once in a while. Yes, I hate Juggalos. Deal with it. There were two Leatherfaces, and truth be told I'm not sure which one is in the Kensuke Sasaki/Leatherface match I'm posting here, nor do I care. I'm also posting both parts of a nice garbage brawl between Leatherface and Crash the Terminator. Knock yourselves out.

 

 



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Cageside Seats Cageside Seats Monster Month #15

 

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NORMAN THE LUNATIC

You can never get enough Mike Shaw love. Let's play fantasy booker for a moment. Let's say you have an awesome big guy who can work a great match and bump who just joined your promotion hot off a great feud with Owen Hart in Stampede Wrestling. The rare big man who was just as good working with other big guys as he was with smaller wrestlers. Let's say this guy falls from the heavens and lands in your lap. How would you book him? If your idea would be to book him as a retarded guy who escaped from a mental institution chances are you were running WCW in the late 80's and should be curb stomped because you laid the ground work for what would one day become the blueprint for the Eugene character. The gimmick was that Norman had busted out of the looney bin and that Teddy Long had the ability to send him back, thus making him subservient to Teddy. He wrestled in hospital garb with one wrestling boot and one tennis shoe. Get it? Mentally deficient people do wacky things like not dressing properly! So basically Teddy mistreated Norman, Norman finally turned on Teddy and no one really gave a damn. It's a shame that such an awesome monster sized dude had such a garbage gimmick, and even worse, this was just the tip of the iceberg of crappy gimmicks for poor Mike. When you think about it, Norman may have been the peak of his post-Stampede career. As bad as the Norman gimmick was it looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin compared to Friar Ferguson and the previously mentioned Bastian Booger. I guess the moral of the story is that shit does indeed happen and for some unfortunate souls it happens repeatedly. Here's a quick little brawl between Norman and Kevin Sullivan, a great match with him and Cactus Jack and also a funny little thing where Norman paints a picture for Woman and then gets jumped by Nitron. Enjoy.

 





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