Ohio-On-The-Gulf Dog ("OOGD") spent 17 of his first 18 years living in a South Georgia village Lewis Grizzard once called an "outpost of civilization." The only kid in his high school class who wasn't kin, his one burning lifelong ambition: Get the Hell out!
So, when 18-year-old OOGD moved his prized 8-track player and meager belongings to Milledge Hall: His life's goal achieved!
The next weeks though, as he perambulated the Classic City contemplating his next objective, he realized a potential nightmare: If you graduate, you have to move back!
OOGD then seized on and pursued with gusto his new life goal: Avoid graduation at all costs.
But, all good things must end. His parents decided, after only four years, that OOGD should self-finance the balance of his Athens reverie. A job is in order, too, they said.
To work he went, completing maybe a class a quarter. Then OOGD realized all of his friends had already graduated. Things weren't quite the same at UGA.
OOGD then resolved something completely different: actually enrolling in mandatory, required courses, leading to summer school of Spanish III and 5 PE classes.
Then "The Quarter of Spanish IV." All OOGD needed was a D in Spanish and he'd be done. By December, he’d earned a sheepskin signed by Fat Fred himself.
OOGD soon learned his liberal arts AB was outmatched in over-qualification to clerk at Golden Pantry or to drive a Clarke County cab by a plethora of competing liberal arts PhDs.
It occurred that a professional degree might present a competitive advantage. But the years avoiding graduation pretty much wrecked his undergraduate GPA. Besides, he didn’t much like math.
So, what kind of professional school would admit an undergraduate GPA-wrecked math-hater? One that’s located in a hilltop former insurance building resembling a famous historic structure? Jackpot!
After three years on Coleman Hill, OOGD left for the city formerly known as Cowford. JAX turned out to be a small town with a huge bunch of people. But you could always tell which way the wind was blowing depending on which odor predominated.
OOGD then joined the Midwest in an Oklahoma-style land-rush to an erstwhile fishing village on the Gulf, Buckeyes predominating. There, he married a distant cousin of "Bo Gator," the University of Florida’s namesake and 1911 undefeated season UF football team captain who hailed from the depths of the big swamp.
With his Gator gal, he’s raising four kids and blogging when he should be working.
OOGD is mindful of former Nicaragua President William Walker’s fate. Walker’s autobiography is also written in the third person. A successor Nicaragua government cut short Walker’s life story minutes after the Royal Navy handed Walker over. Walker's autobiography understandably lacks the cautionary tale inherent in his last day, though.