Last night, even as Iowa was putting together their longest winning streak in over a year (seriously: their last, a 3-game "spree," was ended on 12/20/08, and yes that's awful), not everybody was in a very festive mood.

In particular, we're referring to friendo del blogo Marc Morehouse, who is only on the football beat for the Gazoo. Ergo, he has no professional reason to watch, just morbid personal curiosity. But since that's a hallmark of all decent writers, on went the TV. Bad move, and the following spree of Twitter tweet twats were twooted:

Iowa basketball coding. Applying defibrillator. about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Don't go into the light, Iowa basketball! about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp! about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Good old fashioned CPR. about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Beeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp! about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

I'm calling it. about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Time of death, 8:21, Dec. 21, 2009. about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Obit in a word: Whahappened!?!?!?! about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Funeral poorly attended. Rowing doesn't even show. Gymnastics dancing on grave. Football sends an entourage. about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Oh, gallows humor. You're always better with the actual gallows in view. Indeed, gallows humor and Twitter go together like a noose and a neck. It just... fits.

Again, this was during a win, albeit one witnessed by about 2000 fans at CHA and 200-300 more watching on television. But it raises the question: if that was Iowa basketball's demise, what does that mean Purdue's about to do to them? More importantly, is it even legal?

More photos » by Charlie Neibergall - AP

South Carolina State's Khalif Toombs, left, looks to drive around Iowa's John Lickliter during the first half. Toombs' job was made easier as Lickliter had just been murdered by a sniper. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

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We don't normally assign homework 'round these parts--there'd be more than a sliver of hypocrisy in it all--but we do want our readers to take notes on what's going on with the basketball team. Just know that when this season's said and done and we've all wept, gnashed our teeth, and slammed our heads against whatever hard surface is nearby until the sweet release of unconsciousness... Iowa had a winning streak this season.

Maybe even more amazingly, they actually scored over 80 points. Granted, the games in this streak were against North Carolina South Carolina State and Duke Drake. Neither team is, how you say... good. But hey, beggars, choosers, etc. etc.

Jokes aside, this game seemed to demonstrate what we'd heard from Lickliter and others well-versed in his offense: that players are going to take good shots when they get them. Last night, there were plenty of shots with ample time left on the shot clock, which isn't something we're used to seeing. At all. But it's plainly obvious that it's easier for a major college team to guard the Hawkeyes' half-court set for 30 seconds than it was for SC State to do so for, say, 15 seconds. It's good that the team had the wherewithal to take advantage of that and not fall back into their rut of passing the ball around for 30 seconds. That, like it or not, reflects well on the coaching.

Also, even though the Bulldogs hung around for a good portion of the first half, Iowa seemed to avoid the typical cold snap in play until the game was well in hand. This is likely more a function of their competition than any coaching adjustment.

Speaking of high performance being a function of weak competition, we offer this stat line:

Jarryd Cole does this about 5 times a season, and uniformly against bad competition. Read nothing into this game. We implore you.

Otherwise, the men of the match were Matt Gatens, finally scoring 20 points (and on 13 shots from the field!) like we wish he'd do every game, and Eric May with 18 points (on 11 shots!) and a team-leading 8 rebounds. Nobody has any clue what position May plays or will eventually play, but hey, that's what they said about Larry Bird (no it is not).

So, anyhoo. The Hawkeyes get more than a week off to spend Christmas with their families and get NCAA-compliant gifts, which will be limited to used sweatpants from Goodwill, generic brand cottage cheese, and smiles (but no smiles with teeth; that's generally considered too much of a "perk"). After that, let's see what scrub's next on the schedule... Purdue? Oh, hell. Yeah, this win streak's stopping at two.

More photos » by Charlie Neibergall - AP

Iowa basketball player Anthony Tucker speaks to reporters following a news conference, Friday, March 27, 2009, in Iowa City, Iowa. At the time, the choice of lighting seemed a little overdramatic. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

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Jesus Fucking Christ.--Well, we might as well get this out of the way, right? Anthony Tucker, he of the freshman 15 (except instead of getting fat, he missed 15 games for one of any number of problems), is suspended indefinitely from the team. Guess what he's in trouble for. Go on, guess. You'll never guess.

University of Iowa basketball player Anthony Tucker was arrested for public intoxication early this morning.

Officers arrested Tucker, 20, at 2:05 a.m. at The Lodge apartment complex near highway 6, according to police reports. He was taken to the Johnson County Jail and was released between 10 a.m. and 11 a.m. this morning after posting a $325 bond. He has pleaded not guilty.

The police activity log shows officers were called there after receiving a 911 call that "sounded like a problem with a cab and a fare," but the call was disconnected and officers were unable to call back the number.

In the same report, it shows someone tried to assault the cabdriver, but doesn’t say who.

Good lord. As you'll recall, this is not Tucker's first public intox arrest--13 months ago (again, during the season), Tucker got hammered downtown and passed out behind the Union Bar. On a very, very cold night. Once we found out he was going to be okay and that there were no ill effects from Winter Wonderland Naptime, we had an opening on a movie reference we'd never thought we could fit into Hawkeye sports:

We'd Beyond Photoshop Tucker's head onto this, but that would ruin the sheer majesty of Jack Nicholson pretending to be frozen solid in an otherwise awesome movie.

This arrest, though, is substantially more troubling. While his first was just plain overserving to the point of passing out in public--highly inadvisable, but we can chalk that up to an isolated incident of  "kid being kid"--this has the potential to be a very serious disciplinary issue for Tucker. Getting a cab back from downtown to the west side of town isn't easy or cheap, and Iowa City cabbies are pretty hit-and-miss when it comes to manners (just ask Adrian Clayborn). Still, it got so heated that someone called 911, and that's definitely not a situation you want your players associated with. Yes yes, we know, innocent until proven guilty, and he pled not guilty. It's still Todd Lickliter's team, not the judge's. Most people get second chances. Not many get thirds.

Speaking of which, the real wild card in all of this isn't how much time Tucker's going to spend planted on the bench (obvious answer: LOTS), but which blood vessel exploded in Todd Lickliter's body when he found out. Seriously, he may as well issue a "God obviously hates me." He's having to deal with this drama, and his old school is beating teams by making time disappear from the clock.

Ken O'Keefe runs away with Headline Of The Year honors with this late stunner--We get what KOK was getting at here, with the defense's motto and all. We get it. But man, can't we get him a dedicated PR agent for Christmas? Or something?

(via HawkeyeSports.com)

How can anybody want this man to be fired? You want him on that sideline. You need him on that sideline.

"Yeah hi, Commissioner Delaney. This is Missouri calling back, just wanting to, y'know, touch base... we were in the shower and thought maybe we heard the phone ring... you have our phone number, cell number, email address, and license plate numbers just in case we're driving and you have to get back to us by having a cop pull us over... just... call us. K, lates."--Even though the Big Ten released only the coyest, noncommittal of statements on the subject last week, it's pretty obvious that the University of Missouri isn't going to miss out on the chance to expand on account of shyness. Missouri's AD, Mike Alden, batted a few eyelashes with TigerExtra.com (terrorist fist jab: Rock M Nation, of course):

I think the challenges we face as a league — and they do impact Missouri — are our television contract and our ability to have equal revenue distribution. I don’t think there’s any question that if we don’t get to that level at some point, we’re going to continue to find ourselves further and further behind the Big Ten, the SEC and probably the ACC, as well as behind Texas and Oklahoma, in particular, and maybe Nebraska in our league. Our hope would be that the league would continue to push harder in those areas, for a new television contract for more exposure and for equal revenue distribution.

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More photos » by PAUL CONNORS - AP

Fiesta Bowl executive director John Junker, left, presents Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis, right, with Eddie Robinson's severed head. (AP Photo/Paul Connors)

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The big news in college football today is that the Fiesta Bowl, that wretched bowl that figured out a way to screw all fans of college football by putting Boise State and TCU in the Separate But Equal Bowl, is under investigation for illegally funneling thousands of dollars to various friendly politicians. Here's more from the paper that broke the story, the Arizona Republic:

Over the past decade as the Fiesta Bowl worked to maintain its elite position as one of the top postseason college-football games, employees made contributions to politicians friendly to the bowl, including some donations that may violate campaign-finance laws.

Past and present Fiesta Bowl employees have told The Arizona Republic they were encouraged to write checks to specific candidates and were reimbursed by the bowl.

Such reimbursement would violate state and federal laws that prohibit funneling corporate campaign contributions through individuals. Participants could be charged with misdemeanors and felonies.

"If employees are giving contributions and they were being reimbursed, it's illegal, and it's something we definitely would review," said Amy Bjelland, state elections director.

John Junker, the Fiesta Bowl's chief executive, said employees never were reimbursed and the bowl did not orchestrate donations.

Really, the entire article (which, if you've got 15 minutes, we would suggest reading in full) is a case study in the necessity of follow-ups and fact-checking. Anyone can accuse someone of corruption. Only listen to the ones who have the paper trail to back it up.

But back to the subject we all really care about: the game itself. Even if this ends in Junker going to jail (and from the sound of it, he covered his ass well enough that that's not going to happen), the likelihood of anything actually happening to the bowl itself--now or in the near future--is low. After all, even as it seems that politicians have been remarkably friendly and beneficial to the Fiesta Bowl, the things they need seem safe in near perpetuity. That would be a major sponsor, a stadium to play in, and BCS affiliation. We don't expect any of those to go away--it'd be bad for business.

Still, expect Jerry Jones to raise a major stink about all this. As the Central notes, the one bowl that stands to gain the most is the Fiesta's "rival," the Cotton Bowl. The Cotton Bowl has struggled to maintain its high visibility in the wake of the SWC's demise (Its replacement on the national scene? The Fiesta. Viva La Fiesta!), but its placement in the new Gargantutron Cowboy Stadium gives it enormous leverage for a higher level of prestige. Suffice it to say, Double J will not let this controversy go unnoticed.

What should not happen is the notion that Iowa's somehow "better off" for not being in the Fiesta Bowl this year. It's still the same bowl. To pretend otherwise is the very definition of sour grapes. Iowa should still be in that bowl and Adrian Clayborn should still be sodomizing Kellen Moore with Moore's severed right arm. But at least now we can (quite spuriously and speciously) claim that Iowa deserved the spot, but their snub was only because Junker'n them's all a bunch of corrupt, money-grubbing fools anyway. Open season on that.

by Charlie Neibergall - AP

Iowa's Pat Angerer (43) celebrates with teammates Allen Reisner and Dace Richardson, right, after Iowa blocked a Northern Iowa field goal on the final play. Iowa won 17-16. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

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As is usually the case after a 10-win season, the accolades are beginning to pour in for the Iowa Hawkeye football team. Everyone and their mom has an all-conference or All-American team, but the two that actually matter--Walter Camp and the AP--are now out. And for the 33th year in a row, the unanimous selection for player of the year is Frank Stallone*.

More importantly, the AP named three Hawkeyes to their All-American teams. While nobody made it onto the first team, thanks to Ricky Stanzi's ankle injury--come on, you know if he stays healthy and Iowa goes 11-1 and finishes at #5 or so, even the guys on defense get a little bit more of a bump--both Bryan Bulaga and Pat Angerer made it to the second team, while Tyler Sash made third-team AA as a sophomore. A fine moment for all three players (two of whom, as we insular and provincial types are quick to point out, are native Iowans).

Meanwhile, the Walter Camp Foundation agreed with the AP, naming Bulaga and Angerer to their second team as well and effectively establishing the two as the de facto MVPs of their respective sides of the ball. We have a little beef with each designation, but for wholly different reasons.

First, though Bulaga is by far the best pro prospect on the line as of right now and was utterly dominant in 2008, the reality is that even notwithstanding the 3-week absence as he recovered from thyroid issues, he struggled in 2009. Brandon Graham and O'Brien Schofield manhandled Bulaga. And while those are two very good defensive ends, so was Aaron Maybin, the 11th pick of the 2009 by the Buffalo Bills and Bryan Bulaga's personal prison bitch after Iowa-PSU 2008. There was a substantial dropoff in play by Bulaga in 2009, and voters just didn't notice it when it came time to hand out awards.

Meanwhile, Dace Richardson was actually very good in his return to the line, and he got a fair amount of media attention when mid-season awards were being handed out. Then his ankle was rolled up on against Michigan State, and he disappeared from both the depth chart and voters' attention. But why should he have been punished for an ankle injury while voters looked past Bulaga's absence of a similar length? It's all past reputation, and that's not really fair to guys who come from nowhere and work their butts off--especially in their senior year, where there's no chance for any payoff in the "rewarded in Year X for play in Year X-minus-1" system that's come to be when it comes to honoring offensive linemen.

What this comes down to is that if the AP were to select an Iowa lineman for All-American this season, we'd have preferred it be Dace--though we'll certainly "settle for" Bulaga instead. If both men are playing their last game for Iowa next month, as lots of speculation suggests, then they've both had stellar careers in the black and gold and we wish them well.

On defense, on the other hand, Pat Angerer didn't really establish himself as the most dominant player for that Iowa defense, but that's hardly through any fault of his own. After all, one usually does so by being simply better than his teammates, and the talent level on the Iowa defense this year was both so high and so consistent that it was hard to see Angerer as someone who was the best player on defense. After all, you could always come back with, "well why not Sash? Or Adrian Clayborn? Or Amari Spievey? Or A.J. Edds? Or, hell, Jeremiha Hunter?" We're not saying that Angerer was the 6th best player on the Iowa defense by any means--just that ranking the top 5 or 6 or so would be impossible, because the gaps would be so miniscule that personal preference could easily mean a 3- or 4-spot swing here or there and it wouldn't even be objectionable.

Angerer's accolades, then, come from two areas: 1) his name, which is everything you could ever hope for times infinity; 2) and his stats, which sort of sneak up on you for the same reasons mentioned in the previous paragraph. As mentioned before, he was 5th in the nation in tackles at 11.3 a game. That's pretty outstanding, especially since--as TRE noticed during the season--Angerer's real strength might have been in pass coverage, not run support.

Still, absent game-changing plays, it's somewhat difficult to notice the overall impact a player has on a game. And all of those game-changing plays seemed to happen to other players--most notably Sash and Clayborn, and to a lesser extent Spievey.

Thus we have a weird ambiguity about how we look at Angerer's standing as the most highly-lauded member of the 2009 Iowa defense. It's not that he didn't deserve it--far from it--but with a defense like Iowa's, you could basically pick a name out of a hat and feel relatively confident that you made a good choice. It was that kind of year. Effectively singling out Angerer for praise, then, seems unusual and almost a little unfair. Oh well. There are worse problems to have.

Full AP All-American teams are after the break.

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More photos » by Keith Srakocic - AP

Is this really the best we can do? Really? (AP Photo/Keith Srakocic, File)

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Okay, so even though expansion is probably a go--probably--none of this talk is going to be relevant for at least a year and probably much longer. Is that going to stop us? Has it ever?

Notre Dame's not going to happen. Why? Because there's likely far too large a disconnect between each side's perception of Notre Dame's value to the conference. Both the school and the conference probably think "they need us more than we need them," and only the conference would be right. Jim Delaney would likely want no part of such a radioactively bitchy athletic department and fanbase.

I get why Pitt's a natural fit for the conference and everything, but doesn't it seem like they're almost too good a fit? By that I mean their inclusion doesn't bring anything to the table except a "12th for the sake of 12." The footprint doesn't grow at all and there aren't any markets that come into play; would that even be a net positive in terms of BTN money per school? And that's not even taking into consideration the looming nightmare of crafting divisions. So yeah, might happen, but we'd prefer something a little more beneficial than the Wannstache and his minions.

Cincinnati is right out.

Missouri still intrigues me, although "Big Ten West" would scarcely be better at football than "Big Twelve North." Not a dig on Missouri, but just saying--all the post-1955 greatness (and about 90% of the pre-) is on the other side of Lake Michigan. It's likely in Missouri's best interests to at least entertain some overtures from the Big Ten, though; Missouri fans have been feeling far more disrespect from the Big 12 than any school should get from its conference (passed up for ISU? Seriously?), and if nothing else they should use the opportunity to strengthen their standing within the Big Roman Numerals. Otherwise, that BTN revenue sharing looks better and better.

Iowa State would immediately diminish the Big Ten's standing in every single aspect. They don't even belong in Division I, much less the Big Ten. No. No no no.

Any other Big 12 North schools would probably not have much reciprocal interest; they're too far away geographically and pretty well entrenched in that old Big 8 family.

As for Texas, yes, they were on the conference's radar, but there's no damn way they'd share their TV money. They're the king of the Big XII, and it'd be moronic for them to pass up any aspect of their relationship with the conference. Delaney would love to have them. And I'd love to be able to dunk on a 12-foot rim.

Syracuse and Rutgers are candidates for roughly the same reason: New York Money. Granted, they're both fine institutions with solid academic reputations, but let's be honest, the Big Ten wants to get on television screens in the Big Apple. It's quite reminiscent of when the NHL took a franchise from Winnipeg to Phoenix, since the Phoenix market is several times larger than Winnipeg. That, I assure you, has not worked out very well. You can't plop something foreign down in a major market and just expect people to pony up money. So if Syracuse or Rutgers joins and Delany tries to pressure cable companies in New York to buy into the BTN, guess what? It's probably not going to happen, and we're going to look remarkably stupid for thinking it would.

Of course, the best option--still and always--is Cornell.

by J Pat Carter - AP

15 days ago: Georgia Tech football coach Paul Johnson, left, and Iowa football coach Kirk Ferentz, right, pose for photos after a news conference for the upcoming Orange Bowl game in Miami, Wednesday, Dec. 9, 2009. (AP Photo/J Pat Carter)

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Hate to ruin the surprise, everyone, but we figured everyone should know the truth: Iowa is going to beat Georgia Tech by nine touchdowns in the Orange Bowl. Yep. It's true.

What's that? You're calling bullshit on Iowa racking up the single highest point total in bowl history? You don't think Cumberland's Revenge will actually take place?

Well, then. Allow us to retort. Because, if you haven't been paying attention to the FanPosts (and shame, shame on you if you haven't), you've missed the most interesting subplot of the entire bowl season thus far, which is this: Iowa is going to fucking murder the Yellow Jackets. We know this because of the superlative website WhatIfSports, which provides quality reconstructions of theoretical matchups between teams, regardless of year and all that.

So yes, Iowa 80, Georgia Tech 17. Let's take a look at the statistics, shall we?

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Seriously, why would people in Eastern Iowa want to watch the Orange Bowl? Sinclair can't figure out why:

Sinclair Broadcasting Group, which owns KFXA-28 (the local Fox affiliate) and KGAN-2 (the local CBS affiliate), wants to be paid a higher fee for Mediacom to carry the two channels on its cable system.

Mediacom doesn’t want to pay. Their agreement expires on Dec. 31.

The big problem around Iowa City and for much of Eastern Iowa is that the Jan. 5, 2010, Orange Bowl between Iowa and Georgia Tech is on Fox. Additionally, the Feb. 7 Super Bowl is on CBS.

Yep. This isn't the first time this crap has happened; just three years ago, Sinclair pulled the exact same card on Mediacom, forcing the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids market to switch to the Quad Cities CBS feed instead.

Slight problem: that's no longer legal, thanks to legal wrangling by our friends at Sinclair. Now, KGAN basically has exclusive rights to broadcast syndicated CBS programming in Iowa City and Cedar Rapids. Why this makes any sense, we'll never know.

Also, if you're thinking, "no, I vaguely remember hating Sinclair with all my heart, but for entirely different reasons," yes, you're also correct. Back during the 2004 Presidential election, Sinclair planned to force its 60-odd stations to preempt their primetime programming to air what was essentially a hit piece on John Kerry about a week before Election Day... while just six months prior, refusing to air a Nightline special on the soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, calling the Nightline piece "motivated by a political agenda."

And look, we know that there's plenty of staunch Republicans who read BHGP. Welcome, Elephants, one and all. But we imagine they would agree that regardless of one's personal preference in politics, a cable conglomerate has absolutely no business trying to influence a national election, especially in such an overt manner.

Further, lest we interpret all of this as an isolated incident or Mediacom as a sole agent of opposition to Sinclair's retransmission practices, Wikipedia has a slew of other incidents from around the country.

So you get what we have here. Sinclair--one of the most manipulative, contentious station owners in the country--threatening to take two of Eastern Iowa's stations off the air immediately before two of the most high-profile live events, over what they call "a simple business negotiation" (translated: "we demand more money because we can, and screw your customers if they don't like it"), and there's nothing Mediacom can do to stop it without caving in, because there's legally no chance for competition. It's a real shame. If there were another station or firm allowed to come in and say "we can transmit the CBS feed with local news to you for 60% of what Sinclair wants," you best believe Sinclair's demand would go down in a hurry.

Yep, that'd be nice. But we'll sooner see this happen...

...than that.

More photos » by Charlie Neibergall - AP

Minnesota quarterback Adam Weber, center, fumbles the ball as he is hit by Iowa's Amari Spievey, left, and Troy Johnson, rear. LOL, "rear." That can mean butt sometimes. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

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We're still three full weeks away from Iowa's date in Miami, which kinda sucks for everybody not named Ricky Stanzi or Dace Richardson. Nonetheless, we're already thinking obsessively about the game and all the potentially new and different matchups it creates.

Obviously, everyone's going to want to watch the Georgia Tech offense against the Iowa defense. GT's modern interpretation of the option has confounded basically everyone who's had to face it, and Iowa's vaunted defense has looked a little suspect at times against power running attacks. Then again, they bitchmade Arizona, so who knows.

Overall, the matchup isn't too bad for Iowa. This is probably the fastest defense Iowa has ever fielded, especially among the front seven. All three linebackers can fly, and Adrian Clayborn and Broderick Binns may be athletic enough to cause problems at the point of attack if . If Georgia Tech's going to bust big runs, it'll have to be with superior blocking; they won't be able to simply outrun the Hawkeye defense to the corner with any regularity.

Further, on that corner (Iowa's right, Georgia Tech's left, specifically) is one Amari Spievey. And how he factors into this game may end up determining who wins the game.

Spievey will likely be tested in pass coverage often. We haven't seen Spievey get "beaten" very much; usually, if someone completes a throw on him, it's a pass to the flat, and it ends with Amari putting his helmet through the player's femur and ending the play. But of the last three times we've seen a deep bomb work on the Iowa secondary, two--specifically Illinois 2008 and Penn State 2009--involved Spievey chasing ineffectually after a wideout who was about 10 yards in front of him on a fly route. Otherwise, he's such a lockdown corner that it doesn't even make sense to throw toward him.

The message, then, seems to be "If you want to beat Spievey, you have to beat him deep." Slight problem for Iowa: THAT'S THE ONLY ROUTE GEORGIA TECH RUNS.

Seriously: this is their entire passing offense. And it works.

So it'll be up to Norm Parker to get Brett Greenwood over to help as a centerfielder on those plays--last year, that would have been a scary proposition, but he's been just fine in that role this season.

On run plays, however, is where Amari Spievey will have the most impact. Amari is, basically, the most physical cornerback in the country; anyone who claims otherwise has never watched him play. He doesn't miss tackles (well, he might miss one or two against Jonathan Dwyer, but c'mon, that's totally unfair). Thus, against a team that runs outside the tackles most of the time, his ability to affect the run of play will be paramount.

We don't expect Spievey to be flying into the backfield on every play or anything, but it sure would be nice to see him blitz and throw the timing off of the option with a little regularity. Granted, it's not like he can run free at will all the time or anything; Georgia Tech has large, menacing receivers and swift offensive linemen who don't much cotton to Spievey's ill intents. But if he can get past his receiver's block (or bypass it entirely with a blitz from inside position), that one blocker who's now urgently re-assigned to stop #19 isn't blocking someone else on the defense, and that's how 2nd and 9 happens.

On the other hand, if Spievey spends his entire afternoon handfighting with Bey Bey Thomas or in a nine-yard "is this enough space for you to get a blocker on me?" cushion--or worse yet, lets a go route run him out of the play by never watching the backfield--well, it'll probably be a long game for the Hawkeyes and their fans.