SB Nation User Blog: Oops Pow Surprise

45-9, Briefly

Oops Pow Surprise — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 02:18:43 -0000

Suck it.

This will not be a substitute for The Takeaway, which I will write when I damned well get around to it. Just a picture and a few very quick thoughts.

1. Ken O'Keefe certainly looked good today.

2. So did Reese Morgan.

3. Ken O'Keefe should thank Reese Morgan.

4. If Indiana was going to start a social networking site, it would be called Qwitter.

(Photo credit: Matthew Holst/Press-Citizen)

Celebrity Big Ten Jeopardy

Oops Pow Surprise — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:02:41 -0000

[Pre-emptive Terrorist Fist Jab to TOGTM]

Welcome to Blogger Jeopardy. I'm your host, Will Ferrell's impression of Alex Trebek, and we have quite a contest in front of us. In third place, with negative $4,400, is Governor of Alaska and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin!

Thank you Will Ferrell Alex, and I'm just so happy to be here with Americans as we celebrate a great institution called learning and such as to exchange ideas and facts without the media filter and job creation is just not a scary thing under that umbrella as he rears his own head and how is that even possible heads don't even have rears or not places to rear themselves anyway and did you know Barack Obama is a terrorist?

Wonderful. In second place with negative $3,100, an old friend of ours who still has not taken off that oversized hat, Burt Reynolds!

That's not my name.

Fine, Turd Ferguson.

Heh. Funny name.

No it is not. And finally, an even older friend of the program, with no dollars and a missing buzzer, all the way from Happy Valley, Penn State head football coach Joe Paterno!

MISTER PATERNO WILL BE FINE, THANK YOU

Mr. Paterno

THANK YOU

has requested that we call him Mr. Paterno.

THANK YOU

Hey talking guy. Check it out.

And it appears Turd Ferguson has changed his name once again to Dick Biggington.

Ha! It's a funny name. Dick Biggington.

No it isn't.

It means I have a large penis.

No it does not.

Funny name.

We have quite the Double Jeopardy in front of us, so let's look at the topics. They are:

New Offensive Schemes In 2008, not many of those, Potpourri, Modern American Literature, which we will skip, Coaches, Food Is Yummy, and finally, Big Ten Teams in Minnesota. Governor Palin, you haven't come close to answering a question correctly or even coherently, but since rules dictate that the contestant in last place chooses the first category, I regret to inform the audience that the board is yours.

I'm goin' to choose Joe Six-Pack!

That is not a category.

Poot'n?

No.

Joooe Sixp--

MISTER SIXPACK WILL BE FINE THANK YOU

That! That one!

THANK YOU

No! For crying out loud, let's start with New Offensive Schemes for $200. "This oft-maligned quarterbacks coach and his offensive approach that has rolled over opponents." Mr. Paterno, you may know this.

WHAT IS THE SINGLE WING

Incorrect.

THE T-FORMATION

It's not your turn, and no.

THE REVERSE COWGIRL

That's how I made Trig and he came out extra retarded!

What?! Stop it. Dick?

NO THANK YOU

Yeah uh, it's football.

No.

Yeah it is. They play football.

Yes, but that's

Colors for a thousand.

For the last time, football is incorrect! The correct response was, "what is Jay Paterno and the Spread HD?"

DO NOT DARE USE MY DAMNED PROSTITUTE SON'S NAME IN FRONT OF ME

(runs out of Radio City Music Hall crying)

As much of a raging success that last question was, let's switch gears to Coaches for $200. And the answer is, "This icon was named the 'Big Ten's Sexiest Coach Feature' in 2007, beating out Ron Zook's muscles and Bill Lynch's 11-inch mansausage." Yes, Ms. Palin, you rang in first?

Well, I certainly can answer that question, Alex. You see, Alaska shares a narrow maritime border with Russia, and we can see them from our state if the skies are clear and we're on an uninhabited island and we're looking at their uninhabi

Time.

In what respect, Charlie?

Time's up.

When did you change into a pink shirt? Yes, Mr. Paterno.

THANK YOU, THE ANSWER IS KIRK FERENTZ'S GAMS

What? Good lord, no. Mr. Biggington will not be ringing in, as he has wandered away from the stage once again. The correct response is, what is Joe Tiller's Mustache? Good heavens, even Terri Schiavo would dominate you people.

I WOULD LIKE TO CHOOSE A CATEGORY

Sure. Fine. Whatever. I'm drinking either way.

I REQUEST THE AMERICAN LITERATURE FOR $600 PLEASE, THANK YOU

I cannot recommend that, but you've done enough damage in the easy categories anyway, so here we go. This Alice Walker book was adapted into a movie that earned Whoopi Goldberg her first and only Oscar. I will be stunned if anybody gets this. Yes, Burt?

Dick.

Whatever.

Yeah, what's a ham sandwich?

No.

Ham sandwich.

NO. Come on, people. This is what LTP's dick looks like with his team at 5-0. Mr. Paterno?

I ONCE MADE WHOOPIE WITH A YOUNG LASS, PROBABLY NO OLDER THAN 16 WERE EITHER OF US. WHAT FUN WE HAD FROLICKING ALONG THE BANKS OF THE ALLEGHENY AND EXPLORING OUR YOUNG, NUBILE FRAMES WITH INVITING FINGERTIPS, MOUTHS, AND ANI. THE TWIST IS THAT AFTERWARDS SHE TOLD ME HER LAST NAME WAS GOLDBERG. THAT IS MY WHOOPIE GOLDBERG STORY

This nothing to do with

DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, YOU HEATHEN RAPSCALLION. LONG STORY SHORT, I HAD TO GO HOME AND TELL MY FATHER I HAD CONTRACTED THE DREADED JEWISH CHLAMYDIA. I COVETED MONEY FOR A DECADE AND SAW MY FORESKIN DECREASE EXPONENTIALLY

I'll just end this one now before we lose even more viewers and just say incorrect. The Color Purple, people? Anyone?

Light urple?

No! You want to take this one, Mrs. Palin?

Food.

Food for what?

For our world view?

No, for what amount? $200?

Our world view?

Are you always this dense?

You know what? Forget it. Let's move on to Final Jeopardy now for the good of all humanity. You're all catastrophically in debt to Merv Griffin Enterprises after this episode, so we'll just forgive the debt of whoever comes halfway close to answering this question correctly: Who is the movie "Rudy" about?

It could be the namesake of the movie... his nickname... perhaps his alma mater... even their nickname is good... Jon Favreau was in the movie, why not name him? That would be a win... anything at all, related to the movie, and you win. Anything that you can associate to the movie or even the word "Rudy" and you win. Anything.

Time is up, and here are our answers.

Governor Palin, you wrote... "No Socialism Fear The Black Guy." Wow.

I'm just a hockey mom!

The absolute worst in our nation's history. And you wagered... White Power with a dollar sign. Wow. Mr., um, Biggington, your response?

I didn't write anything.

Best answer yet. Mr. Paterno

THANK YOU

Say something, anything, about Rudy and you win. And your response? "I STRUGGLED TO KEEP MY TEAM INTERESTED IN 1973 WHEN WE BEAT A MIDDLING NCSU TEAM BY SIX TO KEEP OUR UNDEFEATED SEASON ALIVE. WE DESERVED TO LOSE THE GAME, WE DID. SO I FOUND A GOAT AND THAT IS WHERE THE FUN BEGAN." Okay, I'm not giving up on this. Did you kill it?

GOD YES

Was it named "Rudy"?

Do you understand that if you say the word "Rudy" you automatically win on account of your opponents are drooling retards?

Oh goddammit.

SO RUDY THE GOAT STARTS

Aha! I knew it! JoePa wins! Get me the hell out of here! Good night, people!

WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO

THE GYMNASIUM HAS GONE DARK

AND SO HAS MY PROSTATE

GOOD NIGHT PEOPLE

COME TO PENN SHTAAATE

Editor's note: Due to TLDNR constraints, we could not address the following answers from Mr. Bixel. Ironic, really, since the only reason we said we'd participate was the Hawkeye State question. Our contestants insisted we address these questions after the fact, so fine, whatever.

Who is Hawkeye State?

He is those who would question our freedom.

A JEW

What is Brains?

BRAAAAAIIIINS

Oh no!

OM NOM NOM

DERRR HARRRR WILLIAM AYERS

Okay, so JoePa just, uh, what's a nice way to put this? Uh, he just gave Governor Palin tickets to Syndrome of A Down. Let's say that.

THEY DON'T LOVE AMERICA! ^_-

Anyway. We also didn't get to these:

Who is Terrelle Pryor?

A JEW

Who is Mark May?

Fifth month of the year. Gimme Colors for a million.

Who is Rich Rodriguez?

A JEW

Fuck it. You're right, JoePa. A guy named Rodriguez is a Jew. You're right.

THANK YOU

Best wishes to Bixel and TOGTM, and thanks for hosting this total trainwreck. There's A Game On Saturday? will run Friday afternoon. Run for your lives.

Hawkeyes get commit from son of Bear

Oops Pow Surprise — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:48:53 -0000

Hawkeyes get commit from son of Bear

This is not a repeat of the McMillan story, although the ", reporter slain with bare hands" missing from the end of the headline probably told you that anyway.

The Takeaway: Michigan State

Oops Pow Surprise — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:50:21 -0000

Sure, Iowa just snatched another defeat from the jaws of victory, 16-13. But how much do we really know? What was really important about losing to Michigan State? What does it all mean, Basil? The Takeaway has the answer.

The fundamentals of this football team are strong. We're feeling especially ignoble today, so we'll be writing The Takeaway with quotes plucked from infamy and impending failure. But while John McCain is imploding worse than Iowa State against a ranked team, we're happy to bastardize his economy quote. Look, Iowa's not a bad team that's headed for the shitter, no matter what your hyper-reactionist friends were shrieking about the last three weeks. Shonn Greene is now 3rd in the nation in rushing yards, and he vastly outperformed Javon Ringer, who's one spot above Greene. Greene is a legitimate workhorse and will merit strong* consideration for First Team All-Big Ten at tailback, a possibility that seemed absolutely unfathomable for the Hawkeyes in the spring.

Then again, running through a hole like this is really easy.

Further, the injuries and suspensions aren't piling up. At this point last season, Iowa was a broken shell of a team, missing seniors all over the place and relying on true freshmen way more than a BCS team ever should. This year, Iowa's deep on both sides of the ball, if not very experienced yet. That will come game by game, and it'll pay huge dividends over the next couple years as that massive freshmen class from 2007 matures.

We're getting better and better! The Zooker knows what I'm talking about. This Iowa team would probably throttle its 2006 and 2007 iterations. There's no rock bottom being hit here, unlike that horrifying 21-7 sleepwalk against Northwestern in '06 or the disturbing 31-22 loss to WMU. Iowa has been one score away from victory against three straight ranked opponents (if you want to be technical, only MSU is ranked in both polls; Northwestern is #22 in the ESPN poll, and Pitt is #24 in the AP).

Further, absolutely nobody has outphysicaled (new word) Iowa; these games have been lost by Iowa's playcalling and miscues. Ferentz and O'Keefe didn't knock the ball out of Stanzi's hands twice in the first half, and Christ help us all if they told him forcing that pass on 3rd and goal was a good idea. Stanzi's airmail tendencies from the ISU game have all but vanished, and he's completing over two-thirds of his passes. Sure, most of those are of the devastating TE-Three-Yard-Out variety and throwing only five TDs in 100 passes isn't great, but he's still already 4th in the Big Ten in passing efficiency. For a first-year starter who clearly has some mental progress to be made, that's a healthy start.

Lineman on the ground and Clayborn in full Beast Mode is probably not how MSU drew this play up.

All great movements are popular movements. They are the volcanic eruptions of human passions and emotions, stirred into activity by the ruthless Goddess of Distress or by the torch of the spoken word cast into the midst of the people. Hey, why not end this one with Hitler? There are a few Fire Ferentz websites cropping up, none of which really merit a link (but I'll guess Google can point you in the right direction if you're so inclined), mainly because they're utterly unreadable. Not to put too specific a point on this comparison, but let's be honest: they're all fucking Nazis.

Now, you might be thinking, "Uh, didn't BHGP call for Ferentz's head?" We wanted him to resign. There's absolutely no ground for termination. It's seppuku vs. the death penalty (man, this last one's getting morbid). But knee-jerk mid-season "we just lost a game by 4 and SOMEONE'S GOING DOWN DAMN IT" reactions are worthless, especially because they result in precisely dick being done.

At least Lee Greenwood loves America.

Look, Ferentz is the coach, O'Keefe is his coordinator, and Brett Greenwood is his disastrous safety. These are facts that we cannot change from the stands. Oh, sure, fans booed Christensen and then Stanzi was starting, but it's ridiculous to think Ferentz would still be starting JC if the fans were more supportive or something. Both the booing and the benching were effects of the same cause: poor play. That's all.

So now it's off to Bloomington to face a middling-to-poor Indiana team. If you thought the MSU matchup was a must-win game, just think about the hell that rains down if Iowa loses their fourth game of the year before they face PSU, Wisconsin, or Illinois. As it stands now, hopes of anything more than 6-6 are dim. Let's hope they're not snuffed out completely before the leaves even turn.

Photo credits: All courtesy of Dan Williamson/Iowa City Press-Citizen

*I used the "strong" tag for the word "strong." You catch that? You like that? Damn right you do.

LIVECOOLTHREADOPENGAMEBLOG: MICHIGAN STATE SUCKS

Oops Pow Surprise — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 06:52:09 -0000

The puppy went on to beat Michigan State by 23.

As always, leave your comments here so you can feel important and immortal when you criticize the offensive coordinator. Top comment wins something! Iowa wins by 30! Go team! Sports!

Quick Betting Note: Who Wants More Money???

Oops Pow Surprise — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 05:58:17 -0000

PSA: Make your own gambling decisions and don't bet with money you don't have. Betting doesn't make poor people cool, it makes them Uncle Buck without the kids. You can lose money betting. That's the whole point.

Okay. So our first little adventure didn't quite go exactly as planned. That's okay; everyone knows first sons are just trial runs! Who cares if the casino owns them now, anyway? If anything I did you a favor.

Anyway, you're talking to the BHGP league leader in the pick'em, so listen up: there are two lines that jump out at me this weekend (It bears mentioning, of course, that gambling is a degenerate activity and these exercises are strictly for entertainment purposes only):

1) Hawaii at Fresno State (-22.0). This is not Colt Brennan's Hawaii. Like, at all. Their only win was a slugfest with mighty Weber State. They got blown out at Florida (understandable) and at Oregon State (a little more understandable after last week but still WTF mate) and couldn't even win at home against San Jose State, who is stealing I-A membership on a yearly basis.

Hawaii is starting something called "Inoke Funaki" at QB, whose best accomplishment in both his previous starts has been being benched for Tyler Graunke. Graunke's injured, however, so Hawaii's going with the tried-and-true strategy of "backup QB starting because we have no choice." That spells disaster, especially against a Fresno squad who's been tuning up against real competition all year. This game is a welcome deep breath for the Bulldogs; they've either been on the road or facing a Top 10 team all season. Meanwhile, Hawaii's barely even Top 10 in the WAC.

Sure, -22.0 is big, especially because Fresno coasting to, say, a 38-17 win is A) their biggest win of the year and B) less money for you. But Hawaii is on the road with a first-year coach, a lousy quarterback, and a resume that wouldn't get you hired at Burger King. Take Pat Hill gleefully. BONUS!!!: The game's not until late Saturday; you can spend all day marveling at the mastery of my picks before you commit money to the Tao Te Oops.

2) Auburn (-4.0) at Vanderbilt. Come on. I know it's technically #13 at #19 and that's supposed to be a big deal. I know. The truth of the matter is that Auburn is so much more talented than Vandy it's silly.

Yes, Auburn has been brutal on offense. Miserable. They're also facing a positively average Vandy defense; Vandy has given up 17 a game against nobody. Combine that with Auburn's scary-scary defense against a tepid run-run-run offense, and we're looking at Vandy down 14-3 in the middle of the third, throwing, and fucking up all over the place. By the time they score a TD, it'll be way too late--a deceptively close 17-10 score is my pick.

I'm taking Auburn in Yahoo, and if I were Chuck Barkley throwing money around I'd be dropping mad change on my alma mater tonight.

It's too late to change any picks in the group, but does anyone else have any locks for our readers?

There's A Game On Saturday? 'MSU' Edition

Oops Pow Surprise — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:46:44 -0000

Welcome to this week's "M.S.U." edition of TAGOS! No, "M.S.U." doesn't stand for Michigan State. I mean, okay, it does, but not here. Today, it stands for "Making Shit Up," which is what we'll be doing for the next several hundred words. Let's get to know the SPARTAAANS! the best way we know how--without doing any research.

QB Brian Hoyer (Sr.): Hoyer is the emotional leader of the Spartan offense, and it's easy to see why. Armed with a quick arm and a quicker smile, Hoyer can break up the tension in a huddle or a film session with ease. Hoyer likes Miller Lite, NASCAR, and his bulldog Fart. The rascal rightie even tattoed "MADE IN THE USA" on the dog's stomach with arrows pointing to its unneutered scrotum, despite animal cruelty laws specifically prohibiting the practice. Ever the prankster, Hoyer "proposed" to his girlfriend of five years, only he handed her a box without a ring, just a "YOUR [sic] FIRED" note crumpled on the inside.

TB Javon Ringer (Sr.): Ringer is arguably the hardest worker in college football, running the ball over 40 times a game in a strategy that cannot possibly fail. Ringer, a 4.0 Economics major, embraces this gameplan. Amid growing worries about the state of the US economy and the concurrent skyrocketing taxes on the wealthy under likely President Obama, Ringer longs to live in Canada, and a healthy, safe senior season would make that impossible, as he would likely be drafted within the first four rounds of next season's draft. If Dantonio wears Ringer out and the diminutive tailback can't crack 4.60 in the 40-yard-dash at the NFL combine, he's all but assured to be shipped off to Saskatchewan, just in time to avoid the 2009 American Credit Wars. No, seriously, there will be actual violent wars. It'll be Wells Fargo tellers with guns and bombs going off in every Citigroup building known to man.*

WR Mark Dell (So.): Dell was the violent dictator responsible for over a million of deaths in Southeast Asia during the late 1970s. He escaped to Thailand after Vietnam's invasion and subsequent collapse of the Khmer Sparty Green party. Dell faked his own death in 1998 after two decades of shadow rule, again escaped (this time to East Lansing), and worked his way into the starting lineup within two years. Despite being a septegenarian former despot, Dell is lightning-fast and will not hesitate to murder an opposing defensive back on the field if he feels the coverage is too tight.

LT Rocco Cironi (Jr.): Uh... his name's Rocco... hell, I don't know, just pick some dude from the Sopranos and that's him. Except that AJ twat.

RG Roland Martin (Sr.): Poor Roland. He remembers all of them, of course, he's no animal. But he thinks about you all the time. He remembers the sweat clinging to your bodies in that motel room in Ypsilanti, the Kid Rock on the radio that you both said you hated but wouldn't turn off, and that feeling that you were both living the first day of the rest of forever. But football doesn't take time off, and neither could he, and while he says he wants you, you can't help but think that what he really wants is 2006 all over again. Time changes everyone, though; he's a starting lineman, and you have mauve armrests. So you both run, he on the field, you (more metaphorically, of course) from yourself. Both from the truth. He wouldn't even know what to say to you if he saw you on the street some day. Would you?

The doubts will always poison this, sadly, because that's what doubts do. He wonders if you'd love him if he wasn't an athlete, young and carefree. You wonder if he'd even want you if he didn't have such an intense fetish for quadriplegia.

DT Justin Kershaw (Sr.): Justin Kershaw is the team's foremost authority on the Pokemon franchise and is proud to tell anyone who will (or won't, really) listen about his acquisitions. Dantonio, understandably, would prefer his mammoth guard to engage in activities not usually eschewed by people by the time their 15th birthday rolls around, but as the coach admits, "[a]t least he'll never, ever get an STD, ever."

MLB Adam Decker (Jr.): Decker was the dominant force in the Alabama State Senate from 1993 to 1998, passing comprehensive health care reform for the uninsured and calling for tougher budget control on lotteries and other gambling measures. He was defeated, however, by Republican Mitch Connor after a News 9 investigation showed Decker had been receiving money from the controversial Gay Nazi Muslim Elitist Federation Against America. Decker was exiled to Minnesota, where he suffers to this day.

P Aaron Bates (So.): Is the team's best cross-stitcher. Once shit a squirrel; damned thing's still alive and running around the locker room.

K Brett Swenson (Jr.): Is sorry, Aaron, ate his chocolate squirrel.

And there you have it. Based on that eclectic mix of personalities, I'm just certain Iowa will win by 10 or whatever.

*Somehow nobody will be injured. If American banks can't make money, what makes you think they're at all capable of killing?

The Takeaway: Northwestern

Oops Pow Surprise — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 23:41:57 -0000

Sure, Iowa just handed a game over to the vastly inferior Northwestern Wildcats, 22-17. But how much do we really know? What was really important about losing to the Cats? What does it all mean, Basil? The Takeaway has the answer.

Four quarters of Shonn Greene probably means a win for Iowa. Look, this isn't quite like the Pitt game, where Greene wore himself out. Against Northwestern, Greene was still running strong (and once again setting career highs in yardage and carries) up until a flagrant helmet-to-helmet hit separated Greene from the ball and consciousness. No word yet on his status for Michigan State, but two inescapable truths here--1) head injuries are not to be trifled with, and 2) Iowa probably cannot win in East Lansing without Greene.

Is this even legal?

It's strange, because by all accounts, lots of Greene's success can be attributed to a resurgent offensive line, led by human cement truck Bryan Bulaga. Greene can run behind big 79 all day, but none of the backups have looked capable in Greene's absence--sure, Iowa largely abandoned the run game after Greene's last two departures, but it's not like Jewel Hampton is gashing anyone for 10 yards with the same line against the same defenses, and Greene does it with regularity. Is the talent disparity really that large?

The Iowa offense could desperately use an influx of imagination. Look, we're not saying that it needs to be all flea flickers and Statues of Liberty from here on out, but this is Iowa's most talented group of receivers in god knows how long, and Stanzi's numbers are still pretty pedestrian. There's no question the offense is better than last year, but when the three main pass routes are a) TE peeling into the flat off play action, b) seven-yard out, and c) three-yard out, it seems pretty obvious that points will continue to be in short supply.

We know the team's capable of going vertical. Brodell, DJK, and even 5'2" Paul Chaney have the speed to stretch the safeties, but we see it executed, what, two times a game? Three if KOK's feeling reckless? It's insufficient. Granted, Iowa is finally capable of "running to set up the pass," which hasn't always been the case recently, but there's probably a lot of guys on that team who want to scrap that and go with the "Aerial Fuckfire Warfare Death" offense instead.

Also an integral part of the AFWD offense: MURDER HERKY. Are you not entertained?!

Zone blitzes work for a reason. We'll let Smart Football explain this one, because Smart Football is king of it all:

The thing to remember is that for years, when a team blitzed it was playing either Cover 1 or Cover 0 man (or simply left holes in its zone), and quarterbacks were coached to throw the ball where the blitzer had come from.

Nowadays, there's a common perception that a zone-blitz works because a defensive linemen gets in the throwing lane – no. What the dropping defensive end in the diagram above does is allow the defense as a whole to stay in zone coverage, and further notice who is covering the area where the blitzers came from: the strong safety, who is usually an effective pass defender, certainly moreso than a defensive end. That is how zone-blitzes cause confusion.

Granted, the thought of Norm Parker using a zone blitz is about as farfetched as Michael Jordan using a condom, but since CJ Bacher turns into CJake Bachristensen whenever there's a defender within three yards of him, you can put pressure on a shaky quarterback without putting guys on islands against slant-happy receivers. In other words, you'd much rather have a secondary jumping routes and not chasing Ross Lane for another fucking first down for fucking crying out loud it's not like Lane is going to the NFL goddammit argh fuck morphinemorphinemorphine ahhhhhh.

This will do.

We are... experts? BHGP, 9/26: Northwestern is "the worst 4-0 team in the nation." BHGP, 9/27: "Northwestern is the worst 4-0 BCS team in many years." Don Doxsie, QC Times, 9/29: "Last week a lot of the experts were saying Northwestern was the worst 4-0 team in the country. This week those same people probably will call the Wildcats the worst 5-0 team in the country." BHGP, 9/28: "Northwestern is now the worst 5-0 team in all of college football history."

We see you, Doxsie. We must, however, take a bit of an exception with the characterization of BHGP as "experts." We're actual experts the way Irwin R. Schyster was an actual tax lawyer.

Regardless, Don Doxsie, you are BHGP King For a Day. Or for whenever.

Photo credits, in order: Matthew Holst/Iowa City Press-Citizen; John Richard/Iowa City Press-Citizen.

IOWA GIVES GAME AWAY

Oops Pow Surprise — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:13:02 -0000

Northwestern is now the worst 5-0 team in all of college football history after Iowa took a 17-3 lead late in the first half, then committed a series of unforced errors that allowed Northwestern to come back and win.

This marks the second straight week that Shonn Greene was unable to contribute in the 4th quarter, and once again his presence was sorely missed.

This will undoubtedly be an insufferable week on LTP as we hear about the Cats "never giving up" or some other vague shit. How triumphant to be given a win.

Horrible, horrible, terrible loss. The better team lost.

IOWAGAMELIVEOPENBLOGTHREADYES: CATS GONE WILD

Oops Pow Surprise — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 15:13:17 -0000

"Wildcat" is a euphemism for "flaming pervert."

Post here so you can feel important. Kickoff is in an hour.