SB Nation User Blog: Oops Pow Surprise

Roy Marble Commits to Iowa. This Is Not a Repeat From 25 Years Ago

Oops Pow Surprise — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 20:00:51 -0000

According to both HawkeyeReport.com and HawkeyeNation.com, Roy Marble Jr. has committed to Iowa.

Marble Jr., son of Iowa’s all-time leading scorer Roy Marble, is the second 2010 commitment. Ben Brust of Mundelein, Ill., committed to Iowa on Wednesday.

With this, as with everything, we have Duez Henderson to thank the most.

So, uh... yeah. Is Iowa slowly becoming relevant in basketball again? Holy hell.

Also He Runs As Fast As A Pneumatic Press

Oops Pow Surprise — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 22:32:02 -0000

Searching for info on Iowa recruiting prospects, we found one player, one Isaiah Lewis, who does things rather unconventionally, apparently:

This, of course, is precisely where our readership is tasked with coming up with a similar metaphor. We must warn you, though; the more you think about "sneaks up on you like a freight train," the more you realize what a daunting task is in front of you. Best of luck. Winner gets an autographed picture of HFMR's balls.

The Real Price of Freedom

Oops Pow Surprise — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:18:04 -0000

"Freedom isn't free." That's a line most commonly associated with, in order, military veterans and Team America: World Police. And as long as you equate America's foreign interests with "freedom," that statement holds up well (whose freedom, exactly, we've been fighting for post-WWII is another matter entirely, but let's not get bogged down on that right away).

As you're no doubt aware, Ed Thomas, one of the finest men in the state (either associated with athletics or otherwise) and a most worthy namesake of Ed Thomas Field, was killed when a very disturbed young man--one who probably shouldn't have been on the streets, but for a rather serious clerical error--unloaded his gun into Thomas at point blank range. All of this happened as Thomas was supervising weightlifting for at least a couple dozen of his students. Most saw it happen. And a community still trying to rebuild from tragedy has lost the one man it had come to depend on the most, even before the PF5 tornado flattened half of the town.

All of this is to say, it was one of the most horrific, senseless gun crimes in our country, not matching in scope (but certainly in brutality) the massacres at Virginia Tech or even Columbine.

And it is the real price of freedom in America.

We take many things for granted here. That's not a blanket "Americans are stupid and lazy" statement, it's an unavoidable fact whenever freedoms like ours have been an integral part of society, some of which long outdate our oldest living relatives. White Americans have never had to fight for the right to assemble, and even the vast majority of our black readership was never involved in Selma or the other protests that turned violent at the whims of police. Our country never had to endure a struggle for things the vast majority of the world would kill for, things like stringent building and electrical codes, beer, the FDA, Social Security, the Second Amendment, the rest of the Bill of Rights, free representative democracy, DirecTV, ordering pizza online, even potable running water. We would--probably rightly--laugh at a fifth-generation American adult who every day thanked his lucky stars that he can turn a faucet and drink what comes out. We probably wouldn't do the same to a recent, say, Ugandan refugee. Or Bangladeshi. Whatever; the geography isn't important, the relative poverty is.

So as we take these things for granted, it becomes easier by the day to not consider them, their advantages, and yes, their drawbacks. Take, for example, the Second Amendment, the right to bear arms. By itself, it's one of the cornerstones of American democracy and the reason why any country who decided to invade America would immediately regret setting one foot into Texas. It cannot and must not be repealed (or even significantly altered), or all holy hell breaks loose.

Also, take the First Amendment. Free speech (and all of the consequences it carries, good and bad) is essential for any democracy. So is the right to peaceably assemble. This may seem like a middle-school civics lesson, but for an example of what happens in a modern country where those rights aren't guaranteed, we'd like to point you to Iran and the current shitcyclone enveloping the country. Again, this cannot and must not be repealed (or even significantly altered), or all holy hell breaks loose.

Those two fundamental rights of our country, separately, are invaluable and indispensable and two of several reasons America became what it was and perhaps still is: the finest country in the world. The First Amendment, of course, was much more instrumental in this than the Second, though the need for a well-armed militia was much greater when the Bill of Rights was first written.

Put them together, the ability to own a gun and the ability to congregate or otherwise freely go about your life (again, it might sound weird, but this is not a universal right) about town, and there are going to be situations, ones that are so extremely rare that they're still newsworthy every time they happen, where someone who really doesn't deserve it is shot and killed by someone with a mere predilection toward violence. You cannot have the Bill of Rights and not have the possibility for this to happen. Freedom isn't free.

Yes, we have stringent laws against dangerous behavior with guns, to the point that Plaxico Burress got himself in more trouble by hiding his gun in New Jersey than by going Cheddar Bob in New York. State lines and all. But to someone with the intention of shooting another person, punishment is clearly not always an adequate deterrent. Even if the assailant's even considering the resultant prison sentence (if they're caught and convicted), it's a tradeoff many have clearly chosen to take.

We cannot stop gun violence in this country without a domestic Taliban-style crackdown, one that has no plausible chance of success whatsoever. It is the real price we pay for every advantage, the ones we hold dear and the ones we take for granted. The true cruelty of this tradeoff is that unlike our volunteer army, Ed Thomas did not choose to die for freedom. Nor, for that matter, did he die in defense of it, merely because of it.

And too often, especially after 9/11, our choices have been in favor of senses of security over these freedoms, when this is the precise time when our rights need our most vigorous defense. Let it not happen here. Let us mourn Ed Thomas as the truly wonderful, inspirational man he was. And let us not be so cowed into fear by whatever message a troubled Mark Becker wanted to send with a senseless murder that we either lose our rights or our ability and desire to exercise them.

Mark Becker Charged With First-Degree Murder In Ed Thomas Shooting, Has Long Rap Sheet

Oops Pow Surprise — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:40:55 -0000

Well, this didn't take long. Authorities have charged the man accused of killing Ed Thomas earlier this morning, Mark D. Becker, with first-degree murder. Becker's only 24, but as first seen in the comments below, has a long rap sheet, which drugs and physical violence both popping up.

We'll try to confirm this later today, but for now:

6/20/09 Eluding Parkersburg Police Department
6/20/09 Reckless Driving
6/20/09 Failure to Stop at Yield Sign
6/20/09 Speeding 20+ Over
3/2/09 Speeding 6-10 Over
12/19/08 Criminal Mischief 4th Degree (86 days in jail)
11/18/08 Assault Causing Bodily Injury
1/26/07 Speeding 20+ Over
9/8/05 Safety Belt
1/10/05 OWI 1st Offense
9/24/04 Speeding 1-5 Over
8/4/03 Unsafe Approach to Stationary Vehicle

(EDIT: Some charges previously listed were dismissed, and so are no longer included)

Back to the shooting. First-degree murder means premeditation, and that seems sufficiently likely here. There's nothing to suggest this killing was an accident or a crime of passion; Becker (allegedly) went to Thomas' workplace and shot him multiple times, including at least once in the head. We don't know if Becker tried to flee or where he was apprehended, but that's barely relevant at this point.

There's no word yet on where the gun came from, if it's his, etc. Maybe the killing was preventable. Maybe it wasn't. That's a matter for the days and months yet to come. For now, we reel and mourn.

(Oh, and that's probably an old mugshot; considering his already prodigious crime streak, the Courier probably already had a mug of his on record. We hope it's old, anyway; otherwise that smirk would be truly haunting.)

It's Not Plagiarism If You Link To It: June 24

Oops Pow Surprise — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:21:50 -0000

We're going to try to pick up the pieces after the news about Ed Thomas, which we're still in shock about. Here are some jokes; most of these were written before we heard the news, so none of this "now's not the time" business. Maybe it isn't, but it was the time three hours ago. Anyway.

Don't do this to us! We need easy jokes!: We may have an entry for Shortest Iowa Career Ever, though frankly, it's debatable whether it even started to begin with. Anthony Schiavone, a DE/TE (as roughly 75% of Iowa recruits are), joined the Hawkeyes this spring semester after graduating early... then promptly quit the team yesterday.

Pat Harty, you want to weigh in on this whole join the team early thing?

I don't agree with that theory because there is no evidence to support it and because you only go to high school once. So why be in a hurry to finish such an important and enjoyable part of your life? And besides, a college football player has four or five years to make his mark. That's enough time to prove yourself.

We've taken it easier on Harty over the past year because his writing has been unquestionably better, especially pertaining to basketball, but holy smoking tittyballs is that some incoherent copy. Construction, premise, determination, all one giant train wreck.

Look: if someone wants to go to college early, maybe they don't want to be in high school anymore. We sure enjoyed the summer after our senior year, and Harty probably did too. So did most 18-year-olds, because c'mon, you're 18 and it's warm out and you can do things like sleep until 10:30 a.m. and your lady classmates want to "hang out." Buuut suppose, for whatever reason, you'd prefer to be in college already. Friends are too immature, heard good things about Iowa City, eager to play some real ball... whatever. It happens. Everyone's got their own situation, and to apply blanket philosophy on 18-year-olds' decision-making is laughably insane.

But getting back to the topic at hand, Schiavone's departure means we're robbed of 4-5 years of opportunities to make gratuitous WCW references. We feel robbed. So here, have this video of Tony Schiavone (the one with the moustache) in his prime, knowing when to step aside and let Ric be Ric, and shed a tear for the Hawkeye who never was:

Not going to lie, we saw his name and just assumed he was Caribbean: Morehouse has more (house) on recent Iowa commit Louis Trinca-Pasat; to say he's interesting would be an understatement. For one, he's the first American in his family, being the only child of five to actually be born in the states; his parents are Romanian ex-pats who emigrated here 20 years ago. Being that the all we know about Eastern Europeans, we learned from terrible movies, we can only conclude that LTP (the player, not the blogger for that team that's just Northwestern) smokes a shitload of cigarettes and is involved with organized crime.

Further, homeboy is going to go play football in Australia over the summer. Not Australian rules football, thank god, but real football (no, not this real football). That seems nice, because according to our map, Australia is right by Romania. Put another shrimp on the dingo! LOL Crocodile Dundee, so true.

Eric May is unfuckingstoppable: It's the summer, which means it's PTL time, and Scott Dochtermann (which sounds like a Nazi name if we ever heard one) is filing reports on the summer league, and if we had to sum it up in 10 words or fewer, it'd be this: Eric May dominates, Brennan Cougiill, ehh, not so much. Hey, we only used nine. Wheeee.

Dochtermann's not a professional, but neither are you, so don't complain about the video quality.

May went 11-13 on the night, which will definitely happen all the time in actual Big 10 play. He "sank a pair of 3-pointers and had one thunderous dunk. He was competitive, physical and athletic," according to Dochtermann. Awesome! So, 3rd place in the BXI next season, right?

Briefly... This is utter genius, right down to the standings... Iowa State clearly plans to lose by 90 points in June... Great advice on placekicking from former Hawkeyes, just in case any of our readers were planning a career in the one-bar helmet... Kingston Stadium got field turf, meaning the Hawkeyes are keeping pace with Cedar Rapids Washington... Finally, Maize n Brew with imponderables that will make your head hurt. The Indiana idea needs to happen with a quickness.

Ed Thomas, Head Coach of Aplington-Parkersburg, Shot to Death in School's Weight Room

Oops Pow Surprise — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:21:26 -0000

Wow. Ed Thomas, shot at point blank range multiple times, died at Waterloo's Covenant Hospital this morning. We really don't know what to say, other than that we're glad no kids were attacked and that the suspect's in custody. Past that, this is such an unbelievable tragedy that we're speechless.

Thomas was the high school football coach of Jared DeVries, Aaron Kampman, Casey Wiegmann, and a ton of other Hawkeyes. He won two state titles, was named High School Coach of the Year by the NFL in 2003, and was the rock the town of Parkersburg needed as they rebuild from that massive tornado that flattened the town 13 months ago.

The school even officially renamed their Sacred Acre "Ed Thomas Field" a while back; now, that designation seems more grief-soaked than congratulatory.

This is a giant loss for the town, the state, and sports in general. Rest in peace, Ed.

How Did We Not Know About This Great Moment In Iowa Sports History Until Now?

Oops Pow Surprise — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 01:28:01 -0000

We're a little upset this isn't celebrated as an anniversary, but apparently, the UI athletic department was (metaphorically) firebombed to hell 12 years ago. During a fundraiser.

We're not giving away the answer yet--although if you're over 30 or have read the Hlog today, you already know--but it prompted this surreal recap in the Daily Iowan, featuring one of the single finest two-sentence stretches in journalistic history, helpfully boldtagged for your convenience:

About 80 percent of the 1,300-person audience left during [his] performance, said UI Men's Athletic Director Bob Bowlsby, who was among those who walked out. Athletic department officials contemplated pulling [him] off stage, said Rick Klatt, UI assistant athletic director for external affairs. However, most of the audience members who remained laughed and applauded [his] routine.

[He] frequently used the word "fuck," described his own masturbation habits and offered his opinions on anal sex between homosexual men. His jokes about women having sex with pigs also appeared to offend the audience. As parents led their teenage children out of the auditorium, [he] said, "What do you want me to talk about -- losing my luggage at the airport?" and, "What did they expect, for me to hold up a picture of Yassir Arafat and make a joke?"

"[His] performance was anything but comedy," Bowlsby said. "It was profane, vulgar, and off-color. The last thing I want to do is to suppress anybody's First Amendment rights, but I feel his material is inappropriate in the majority of venues in America."

So who is it and why are we talking about it now?

ANSWER: Norm MacDonald, and for the first time since that fateful performance, the man is coming back to Central Iowa.

As Hlas noted, Norm is appearing at the Riverside Hotel and Casino on October 25, which if our math is correct is, uh, carry the one... next Tuesday? We never learned calendars.

Actually, it's a Sunday, the night after a road date with Michigan State. Perhaps that was mandated by the UI: "Norm's trying to set a date for Riverside." "We going to have any fans staying the weekend?" "That was one of his first choices..." "Then he ain't coming!"

Norm is, in case you couldn't tell, a heavy influence on us at BHGP. Yes, we know, shocking. and although the Hloggeur chose a fine YouTube to represent ol' Norm's style, we prefer something more longform, something you could probably better expect in October. We like to think a little bit of this goes in everything we write:

Norm MacDonald @ Sports Awards, 1998 (via fivealex2009)

Oh, who are we kidding? Nobody's got stones like that.

If You Look For Bryan Bulaga On YouTube, Something Awesome Happens

Oops Pow Surprise — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:41:48 -0000

Here's something you did know: "Bulaga" is Iowan for "You are about to be drive-blocked to death."

Here's something you didn't know: "Bulaga" is Tagalog (that's the first language in the Philippines) for "Surprise," sort of like "Peek-A-Boo."

Also, and here's a shocker: The Philippines have YouTube too. So if you're, say, looking for highlights of Bryan Bulaga online, get ready to lose your damn mind when you see clips from a show called "Eat Bulaga!"

The language gets ludicrously NSFW (no, we're not kidding) - earphones if you're at work - and the content is totally surreal throughout; enjoy:

Eat Bulaga (via er2006)

Here's more about Eat Bulaga!, including something about the "SexBomb Girls." As soon as you pick up all the pieces of your brain that shot out your earholes during the video, go check it out.

Thanks to an alert reader for the heads-up. It came at 1:08 a.m., meaning he was certainly not sober when he saw it. I can't even imagine what a life-changing experience that must have been.

Tehran Buckeye Is Feeling The Moment

Oops Pow Surprise — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:25:44 -0000

We don't feel like writing it all over again, so this is basically a cut-and-paste from our Speed Read over at SbB this morning, with a few embellishments now that we're not cramped for space. Hey, it's not plagiarism if you link to it (or if you wrote it the first time too, as it were):

This is clearly not the appropriate forum to discuss the ongoing turmoil in Iran. We’re not nearly qualified enough to comment on it, and that’s not what you’re here to read anyway. That said, if you’re wanting to find out more about watching the seeds of revolution occur in real-time, Andrew Sullivan’s blog is a good place to start.

So why even bring it up? Only for the most epic picture in tOSU history, via 11W (click here for higher res, pops):

We're not sure if Captain Tehran has watched OSU football over the last five years, but they too have seen promising starts like this. It doesn't end well.

Anyway, your move, Michigan.

I'm About To Blow Your Mind

Oops Pow Surprise — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 18:22:07 -0000

Okay, you know how people are all down on Todd Lickliter for the poor performance of the basketball team over the last couple years? And then The Day of the Wailing and Gnashing of the Teeth? You know how people don't think he'll go down in history as a Hawkeye legend?

Our question to you is... what if he already has??

We've debated for weeks how to handle the information we've gathered but we're ready to go public with this. You'll want to sit down when you read this: Todd Lickliter is Nile Kinnick.

Yuuuup.

Evidence #1: Have you ever seen them in the same room at the same time? No, nobody has.

Evidence #2: Nile's body was never recovered. After the Rooskies shot down his F-14 over the Iowa River, crews allegedly found the airplane, but not the big guy himself. Seems a little convenient.

Evidence #3: Todd Lickliter is older now than Nile was when he vanished. Like, a lot older. I think Todd Lickliter's like 80 or something.

Evidence #4: Butler University is a fraud. How did nobody do the research on this? You don't need a degree to become a butler! Doy! I called the university and asked them how many alumni they placed into the servitude of rich people, and they hung up on me! Plus how can a butler play basketball in one of his butler tuxedos? That would be so stupid.

Evidence #5: Guess what happens when you rearrange the letters in "Legendary Kinnick Stadium." Yup. It spells Todd Lickliter.

Evidence #6: Hmm, this all seems so familiar. Remember when Nile was still playing at Iowa those few years ago? The knock on him was that he was one of the smallest, slowest players on the team, but he was very smart and ended up playing the game better than anyone else? Who does that sound like?

Evidence #7: "YOU GOT NILED!" That's reportedly Todd Lickliter's catchphrase whenever he makes a nice shot at Finkbine. Coincidence? No such thing.

Evidence #8: A picture says lots of words. Take a closer look at Kinnick accepting that trophy way back when:

Simply shocking.

All in all, this is a bad way for Kinnick to go out. As they say, "The Nile's not just a river in Egypt!" We appreciate him wanting to do more for the school in the twilight of his life, but "Kinnickliter" just isn't cut out to be a basketball coach.

Maybe he could replace Ferentz at least. That guy sure scares me.