SB Nation User Blog: Ormolov

Livingston joins Wade in Miami

Ormolov — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 18:17:12 -0000

No. Actually it isn't OT. It says somewhere in the GSOM Charter (perhaps written after the Free Yi and Free KG Movements, repsectively) that if a player has more than 27 posts written about how they should be a Warrior, then for the purposes of this blog they automatically remain ON-TOPIC, at least until their team beats ours.

I have no love for the town, culture, or geographical region of Miami, but I'm thinking about becoming a fan. These are not necessarily their starting five, but at some point in some games, the Heat will have on the floor:

Shaun Plastic Fantastic Livingston

Dwyane Flash Wade

Shawn Matrix Marion

Michael Does Inhale Beasley

Jamaal Once An All-Star Magloire

How fun is that? For me, D-Wade was the brightest spot of the Olympic squad. They've also got Mario Chalmers, Udonis Haslem, Dorell Wright, James Jones, and Daequan Cook for kicks. Add in Alonso Mourning in December or January for heart. What's not to like? Pat kicked himself upstairs and hired a new untested coach.

Since when did the Miami Heat steal the Warriors' playbook and commence beating us over the heads with it? Could you imagine how psyched we would be to have this line-up at the Oracle? I'd trade our entire team for this one straight up.

At the risk of being all the nicknames for bad fans, would you?

Poll

I would straight-up trade Moped Ellis and the crew for the 2008 Miami Heat roster and hate myself in the morning.

I would!

59 votes

Hell no, you hater!

68 votes

I'll take whoever Gonzaga has (oh, wait, we already have them).

7 votes

134 votes | Poll has closed

Simple Answer -- Move Warriors to Eastern Conference

Ormolov — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:21:03 -0000

We as a Nation of Fandom do hereby Proclaim the Following, erm... Proclamation:

WHEREAS the Western Conference of the NBA is the most competitive league in all professional sports and

WHEREAS the Eastern Conference sucks and

WHEREAS this imbalance has not been addressed by the league itself, it now must reside in the hands of a popular movement and

WHEREAS the Oaktown Warmonsters are among the furthest west geographically of all teams, it follows that they are therefore, on a spherical globe, also among the easternmost. As such, it wouldn't be any skin off anyone's nose if they traded places with, say, Miami, and made everybody happy.

Preposterous, you say? Impossible? Never going to happen? Where are the Lakes in Los Angeles? Where the Jazz in Utah? Where the Knickers in Manhattan?

We would get to at least the second round in the East. Baron would be a perennial All Star. The entire benighted Eastern Seaboard would learn the greatness of all-offense-all-the-time. Love would blossom across the land.

A petition is in order, as the only coherent response to the end of our legendary season. A team who finishes 13 or 14 games above .500 deserves by every reasonable definition of playoff competition in any sport to attend those playoffs.

We'll gather half a million signatures and hang them from the Oracle. We'll charter all of our team flights ACROSS the Pacific eastward so as to bolster our argument. Or we'll just turn our backs on the entire American deal and join a new Pacific Rim league with the Shanghai Sharks and play all our games in Hawai'i.

SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!

SIGN THE PETITION!

The All-Nellie Team

Ormolov — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 06:52:27 -0000

So watching Al Harrington play in the game against the Kings tonight, I thought:

"Here is the prototypical Don Nelson player. Long, active, physically gifted. Shoots the three. Wiry strength he uses to effect against larger slower players..."

I then wondered what the All-Nellie team would look like. Unlike the NFL's All-Madden Team, no blockheads will be found here. Only men with proven records in the prime of their careers, built like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, and generally between 6' 7" and 6' 9" (Nowitzki being the notable exception). They are hungry and emotional and creative. They find the Princeton Offense and the Triangle too constraining. They can run all night long.

None of us get votes. Not the fans, not the coaches. Only Don Nelson in his infinite wisdom gets to choose the All-Nellie All-Star Team. If The Don was choosing, who would be on it?

In my estimation, there is no such thing in today's NBA as a perfect Don Nelson player. Either someone is too short or too heavy or too careless with the ball. But still, what a team he would make!

I thought to order my selections as most All-Star teams do, by position. But then I realized how foolish this would be on the All-Nellie Team. If every player can't play both point and center, then they don't deserve inclusion.

So I just ranked them instead:

Shawn Marion
Baron Davis
Dirk Nowitzki
Josh Howard
Steven Jackson
Joe Johnson
Gerald Wallace
Al Harrington
Manu Ginobili
Kevin Durant
Rajon Rondo
Leandro Barbosa

Who am I missing? Who on this list doesn't deserve the honor?

(Interesting result of the experiment so far: the least accomplished of the players I listed is Rondo. Why is he on there? Because apart from BD, you couldn't trust ANY of the other players to consistently run your offense. But who else in the league is a Don Nelson point guard? I figure Nash, Kidd, and Paul have always been too small for him...)