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Orson

  • joined Dec 06, 2008
  • last login Dec 06, 2008
  • posts 5982
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User Blog

USC: FAIL IS THE NEW BLACK

Pete Carroll is gone, and this really and truly is a momentous, epoch-ending moment in the timestream of college football. For the first time this century, the Pac-10 may actually be competitive...

TOMMY TUBERVILLE ANSWERS A FEW QUESTIONS

Tommy Tuberville walks into the backup press conference area at Texas Tech. Tuberville: I want you all to know you're free to leave this room at any time. The crowd chortles. Tuberville: I'm happy...

CURIOUS INDEX, 1/11/2010

The King Is Dead, Long Live the King, PRINCE SHOW. Pete Carroll's deal to become the Seattle Seahawks is anything but final, but that is less a hint at ominous things to come and less a...

CHAOS, WE TELL YOU

My goodness, things are flying sideways and on fire for day after the national title game. Captain Awesome, please come and help us clarify all this madness. CAPTAIN AWESOME: OKAY! Help us, Captain...

HARRY POTTER AND THE CAVE OF THE THREE TRIALS

HARRY POTTER and DUMBLEDORE approach the CAVE OF THE THREE CHALLENGES. Potter: So, just into the cave then? Dumbledore: Right. Just walk on in holding your wand. Potter: Doesn't seem dodgy, sir? A...

GREG MCELROY SAYS HE'S NUMBER ONE

We're number one! We're number one! If Greg McElroy put another finger in his nose, he'd be holding up the number of passes he attempted on the night: 11. Jim Tressel isn't the only coach who...

CURIOUS INDEX, 1/8/2010

The Process is not over. Evidently not, since Saban's players can't properly execute the Gatorade dump, something endemic to Alabama teams since Auburn missed their entirely in the Outback Bowl. ...

ROLL TIDE: A TIME FOR MAKING SHORT STATUES

'S okay, Bear. We can read it. You're welcome for the Swindle Bump, Alabama: it may have been the crucial factor causing a fumble with three minutes left in the game, or the strange lubricant...

THE INTELLIGENCE REPORT: BCS TITLE GAME

Time: 8:00 p.m., but the kickoff will likely happen sometime around 8:30 after pregame hoopla. ABC has hope for humanity, so no digital coin tosses or schizoid flipping around of the camera during...

EVERYDAY SHOULD BE BAMADAY: WHY YOU SHOULD ROOT AGAINST TEXAS

By reasons of SEC Contract, we have to pull for Alabama in the national title game. The following is a list of completely unfair reasons why you should root against Texas tonight. Colt McCoy is a...

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SPECIAL: BAMA ARTWORK FOR YOUR HOME AND OFFICE

Here at EDSBS, we have a special relationship with a certain Alabama-based artist who offers his works here at exclusive discounts NOT AVAILABLE ANYWHERE ELSE. We can't disclose the name of the...

CURIOUS INDEX, 1/7/09

Oh, and dead relatives who expect nothing but the best from you. It's WAR DAY, or the day when we decide who will be declared the finisher in a race college football started with staggered...

IN ALABAMA/ ABOUT ALABAMA

Where did you get the line "They call Alabama the Crimson Tide/Call me Deacon Blues"? Walter and I had been working on that song at a house in Malibu. I played him that line, and he said, "You mean...

OTHER NATIONAL TITLES ALABAMA MAY CLAIM

The University of Alabama will be playing the Texas Longhorns for what many regard as the "national title" of college football on Thursday night. Because there is no real clear-cut national title...

CURIOUS INDEX, 1/6/2010

FUCK YEAH RICKY STANZI. Don't you represent an entire, vaguely defined way of life as imagined by someone who doesn't live there as a kind of wholesome, polar opposite to their cluttered life...

LIVEBLOG: THE ORANGEBOWL 2010

The final liveblog of the 09-10 season is here. Leave it all on the field, people: we'll be at SBNation.com for the title game, so this is it for complete anarchy bowling with bumpers. 8:00 p.m.,...

COMPELLING REASONS TO WATCH THE ORANGE BOWL

Doc Saturday put out an open call for reasons to watch the Orange Bowl tonight. BANGARANG. 1. You have to. There are exactly three college football games left in the season: this, the GMAC Bowl...

ROLANDO MCCLAIN, BAD TACOS...CONSPIRACY?

Rolando McClain missed media day with what is being called a stomachache, and with what our sources have identified as "a case of eating bad tacos." Now if we told you that, on a vacation to a...

MICHAEL MCDONALD KILLED THE ANTHEM LAST NIGHT

Michael McDonald, Captain of Smoothness, sang the National Anthem last night. If you missed it, the audio is below. A warning, though: you might have to begin masturbating uncontrollably upon...

CURIOUS INDEX, 1/5/09

She's blind, but awesome. I opt for heroic and awesome instead, since adding Christopher Walken to anything is to gild it in luminous glory forever. More cowbell forever, rockin' blind cowbell...

FIESTA BOWL LIVEBLOG: CARAMBA, FIESTA, FOREVER

Fiesta Bowl Live Blog: The Kids Table Gets Rowdy

REMINDER: FIESTA BOWL LIVEBLOG AY AY AY!

Bring your Tostitos and contraband Mexican pharmaceuticals to the Fiesta Bowl liveblog at 8 p.m.. It's on Fox, so you know one thing will suck about it: the production. The rest is up to the...

RICH BROOKS SAYS THE LONG GOODBYE

Au revoir, Noir Rich Brooks. When he walked in he was wearing a suit of blue wool and a pair of shoes made of brown leather that a man only buys when he has lost all hope in youth and all...

A MISSIVE FROM THE REPRESENTATIVE FROM UZBUCKISTAN

Good morning, bitches. You might say, "Oh, you're up mad early, Wayne!" There's a reason: the sun came out of my ass this morning and I'm farting sunshine, that's why. O-H! Myspace Glitter Graphics ...

CINCY PROUDLY ACCEPTS 2009 MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL

Image credit: Doug Finger, Gainesville Sun. After careful reconsideration, the University of Cincinnati and new head coach Butch Jones have decided to turn down the bid to play in the 2010 Sugar...

CURIOUS INDEX, 1/4/09

Should all acquaintance be forgot......the game tonight between TCU and Boise State is brought to you by the BCS: making things sort of inconclusive in a ballyhooed fashion since 1998. (John...

FLYING DUDES: THE SUGAR BOWL

That was fun. Today's a maintenance day around here for the most part, but a few notes: --If you were near Major Wright last night and are alive this morning, you should consider yourself to have...

SUGAR BOWL: OPEN THREAD

Welcome to the Inquisition, Cincinnati. We have...questions for you. The answer is Tebow. Perhaps you'd like to give other answers. That's too bad. We'll be here all night waiting for the right...

ROSE BOWL OPEN THREAD: ART SCHLICTER OWES YOU MONEY

Jokes go from fresh to current to tired to dead and then into classic. A shirt referencing Art Schlicter in 2009 qualifies as classic, especially when paired with the vintage Oregon "Domestic...

GREAT MOMENTS IN BROADCASTING STARRING LEE CORSO AND A BLIND KID

You might wonder what it's like to have your year peak on January 1st. You're about to find out. Lee Corso wearing a duck head attempting to shake the hand of a blind child. Happy New Year!

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